Chapter 14: Welcome to Ponyville (Part 5)
The next morning finds me waking up with sore muscles and stiff joints. I’d had to do a lot of cleaning the night before by way of apologizing to my new boss. Fortunately, Discord had soon grown bored with the library and taken off after only a shelf or two of ‘cleaning’. I offered to fix things, but Twilight had just yelled at me more. Which, frankly, I deserved.
The morning sun just barely pokes over the horizon as I look out the window of my temporary lodgings, a random bedroom on the top floor of the castle. While it was a splendid view, it also meant the most stairs, and the easiest chance to get lost. Which I believe Twilight did on purpose. Which I also deserved. Of course, I have a fantastic memory, so getting lost wasn’t a problem for me. Other ponies, however, seemed to be having issues. Something I discover quickly as I make my way to the lower floors. My legs ache slightly as I descend the stairs, and I pass a couple of maids poking their heads into unfamiliar rooms, trying to find their way around.
I’m about to offer some help when they both notice me, whisper something to each other, and trot away. I shrug, and walk the opposite direction, to the stairs.
Reaching the kitchen is relatively easy, as Twilight had had me clean it out before I went to bed, so I had a good idea of where it was in relation to everything else. I was surprised to find that it wasn’t empty, however. I mean, of course she had hired a cook or two, I’d passed them on the way here. I’d even offered to show them the way here, but they’d just dismissed me, saying I was just as likely to walk them into a broom closet.
Good help is so hard to find.
The other presence I’d found in the kitchen was Spike. Which honestly shouldn’t surprise me, as I’d learned he basically did everything for Twilight, including cook. He raised a suspicious eyebrow at me, but offered a “Good morning,” anyway.
“Morning,” I drawled. I’m usually a morning person, but I’m not usually so worn out from the night before. Mind you, Blueblood has tried, giving me all manner of inane tasks to perform. Nopony is quite so good at barking orders and setting tasklists as Twilight, however. “What are you up to?”
“Well, I was gonna sleep in now that we have cooks, but they haven’t even found the room yet. You’d think after the guided tour yesterday they’d have no problem, but even I get lost in here from time to time. Finding the kitchen is easy though, since I have such a good nose,” he explains, somewhat unnecessarily. “What are you doing?” he asked, pointing an accusatory claw at me.
“Well, it’s usually my job as Blueblood’s butler to bring him each of his meals, when he isn’t eating with the Princesses, so I figured that should be something I do here. You want some help?” I offer.
His suspicious glance continues. “You sure you’re not going to like, put sneezing powder or something in her food?”
I shake my head. “Too messy. I try not to cause any trouble somepony can make me clean up afterwards. Besides, if I did nothing but cause trouble all the time I wouldn’t have a job. The idea is to sprinkle the nonsense among the everyday stuff. Spread out the shenanigans, you know? Nopony would tolerate me for any degree of time if I was always a douchebag. And I kind of like, you know, having a job.”
Spike’s expression relaxes as he goes about making pancakes and eggs. “That makes sense. I mean, I’ve met you a few times and you’re never a jerk to me.”
“Well, you can breathe fire, so...”
He puffs out his chest proudly. “Darn right I can.” he punctuates this by toasting some bread with a single breath. He puts together a tray of food for Twilight, complete with a single flower in a vase, and walks to the door with it. “Well, anyway, taking Twilight her breakfast is my job, but I could use some help with the other chores. I mean, I haven’t seen any of the waitstaff all morning.”
“Yeah, they’re all walking around in hopeless circles upstairs trying to find their way around,” I explain, trotting after him.
He glances over his shoulder. “And you didn’t offer to help them?”
“Would you trust me to do that?”
He shrugs, returning his gaze to the front. “Good point. After I drop this off we can go round them all up. Maybe they’ll listen to you if I’m with you.”
I nod, although I realize he can’t see it. “Sounds good.” The cooks can just settle for making breakfast for the rest of the temp staff. Speaking of staff, has your boss given any thought to who she wants working here on a permanent basis?”
The little dragon scoffs. “Are you kidding me? She wouldn’t even have temporary staff if Celestia hadn’t told her outright to do it. But with all the responsibility Twilight keeps heaping onto herself, trying to make herself useful as royalty, she needs all the help she can get, whether she likes it or not. And given the size of this place, so do I,” he finishes with a groan.
We make our way to Twilight’s room in no time, although I stay in the hall at Spike’s suggestion. Something about keeping the Princess’s stress levels at normal first thing in the morning. They chat for a bit, then he steps out of the room and leads me down the hall. “So, the first thing she wants me to do today is… ugh… clean my room. Something about not leaving a huge mess for the maids to clean, or whatever. You don’t really have to help with that, but...”
My turn to shrug. “Not a big deal. Twilight’s list of things to do each day was more a list of things to stay out of sprinkled with some chores, and they all have a timetable. Honestly I’m just up this early because I’m used to it. Lead the way, little fire bro.”
We take a few hallways and a staircase, and he stops in front of a set of doors that looks like every other set of doors. He pauses before he opens it, however, giving me a sideways glance. He doesn’t say anything, instead pulling the door open to reveal what looks like any other young boy’s room. Messy, too big for him, and full of…
“...are those Power Ponies?”
“Um… yes?” he says shyly.
I grin widely. “Spike, my friend,” I say, wrapping a foreleg around his shoulders, “You and I are going to get along JUST FINE.”
<sigh> I have such a man-crush on him.
(Is that a thing? Is that what the kids call it? Do they even still use the phrase?)
Oh. My. Good. Alicorn. Deity.
Shaden actually is friendly with someone. For real. And he will probably actually make a defend friend not based on pure assholeness.
Yep, it's Thursday in ponyville alright. End of the world is night and all that jazz.
Pissing off a fire breathing dragon is usually a bad idea, yes.
Did, Schaden make a FRIEND?
8414955
Man crushes are a disco thing, and disco never died. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
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I am now picturing Schaden being invited to the Ogres and Oubliettes sessions, only for it to lead to a huge debate between Spike and Big Mac who's the better DM between Discord and Schaden. Sure, Discord can make it all seem real, but Schaden's dungeon plans are orders of magnitude more intense. I mean, picture his special talent turned to building a frustrating but fun dungeon!
8414991
He doesn't DM.
He plays a bard.
8415002
you mean one of THE most broken can do almost anything, rules lawyer classes in the game??? Makes sense.
8415002
Ah. So he makes the world real while Schaden shapes it? Nice.
8415002
Honestly, could imagine that. The bard class was designed just to screw with the DM by seducing the villains.
Schaden is a better bard than Pinkie anyway.
8415002
Because of course he is. Oh Celestia, he's going to give Tandem a run for his money!
Now for some reason I've got the tune of the old 90's era power rangers opening to the tune of "Go Go Power-Schaden"
....
I'm a silly person when I've had no sleep......
Most awesome use of his fire breath in daily life. And it makes sense, you don't want to anger a dragon with a direct flame mail line to Celestia.
Does Shaden know about the Power Ponies Comic book incident? Even if he can't get into the comic now, I think he'd be jealous of Spike actually getting to be inside the comic if his reaction is anything to go by. I can totally see the two of them nerding it out over comics.
8414991 Tats, you are are genius once again!
8415002 But does he play a Spoony Bard just to mess with everyone who is expecting a Munchkin type build?
By.
Fucking.
GOD.
I have read many a work of fiction on this site. Some are dumpster fires, other are masterpieces. And, although the driving story arc here isn't that expansive, Schaude, and the rest of the cast are easily some of my favorite written characters in storytelling period. Just... Jesus. Ideas this good should just be canon, and thus available to everyone instead of cooped up in only one story. Still, it's just... So good...
Need more...
8415002
As a bard player/enthusiast my self I approve.
You know I have to ask...why exactly would our resident Protagonist be so fond of the Power Ponies....? O.o;
Wouldn't he be more fond of Villains, or someone more crazy like the MLP version of Deadpool??
8435579
And if you had met me, you would not peg me as a brony, sometimes people are just into stuff ya know?
8415002
Let me guess: he also plays as the pony O&O equivalent to a Kender from D&D?