17th May. Random thoughts, writing, music and pony. · 6:01am May 17th
Comedy is made of contrast.
Dialogue: avoiding "he said she said"
“Don’t tell me she’s still beavering away on her book!? Even during the Spring Promenade.”
“She’s promised to read me a bed-time story,” Ocean says, trying to assuage Wysteria’s concern by referring to Kimono’s more ‘normal’ behaviours.
What's wrong here? It seems ok. But actually, using said a "says" tag when you are not describing the way in which something is said, is dull. Also, here, Ocean is not answering the question, so it is vital to call that out immediately.
“Don’t tell me she’s still beavering away on her book!? Even during the Spring Promenade?”
“She’s promised to read me a bed-time story,” Ocean deflects, wanting to defend her mentor.
This is Brights Brightly
I am in love with her name
Artist
Efficiency
The object collides with Ocean’s tail. Its propeller winds into the pink strands, pulling painfully.
“Sorry Misty!”
Sky Wishes bounds forward and seizes the object tangled in Ocean's tail.
This sequence creates an annoying repetition, which is impossible to avoid. If I am specifying whose tail it is, I have to say "Ocean" because there are multiple females, depriving me of a non-confusing pronoun substitute (her tail).
This is also a classic example of trusting the reader. If I just say the plane is entangled, the reader knows it's tangled in her tail BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I SAID LITERALLY A FEW SENTENCES AGO
The object collides with Ocean’s tail. Its propeller winds into the pink strands, pulling painfully.
“Sorry Misty!”
Sky Wishes bounds forward and seizes the entangled object.
Unpopular opinion of the day: The Brony Doc
I kinda liked it, for a one off watch. It's a simple enough thing and was aiming at a broader audience. The info it was giving was more "whoa internet fandom" than for a person familiar with internet fandoms. As someone who shyly refused to get into fan stuff for most of my life, so that instead of talking/writing about all the mad stuff in my head I'd just think about it till I went crazy, dipping my hoof in this fandom was great. I think the broydoc nails the idea that it's not a shameful thing to get into something because 'there's guys like you in it' (I know, I know). I think the animations are great, as are the interviews with show staff (for fun - Tara, Faust, even Lancie give fun interviews). The personalities they found pop well (I've met some of the UK ones). Unless you're wanting a genuinely informative thing (eg a balanced take on what the brony fandom is, compared with others), I say give it a shot. Couple of criticisms. Its simple positive message is kinda cheesy on autism (although I do like the UK guy they found for that). The "you can be very macho and like ponies" line is a bit grating (even though, again, some of the guys they found popped well).
Thistle Lake
