“I’d like to introduce you to my religion.”

“What’s your religion?” he asks, deadpan.

I say nothing, instead simply sliding him a picture I had crafted with my new Psyker Powers.

It was a Pinup of Slaanesh framed in an eight-pointed star, in one of the most scandalous pieces of clothing in Equestria… thigh-high socks.

…

“I’m interested.”

That got me laughing much harder than I thought I would.

“Oh… buck , they’re linked to Pony Minds?!” she yelled in panic.

No ...........they're linked to every mind

He then slammed down a miniature of himself onto the map as his appearance became adorned with an interesting military garb .

The image doesn’t work.

@ArkKane:
You've set yourself up with what's going to be a very difficult fic to write. Your protagonist has four voices in his head, and it's taking a lot of chaarcter focus away from everything else. Luna shows up, and it's eight paragraphs before she says anything because of all the internal mental dialogue going on. It's a lot of overheard, both for you as a writer as for us as readers. I think it's going to get old very quickly, and I'm already anticipating some of these voices fading out in later chapters because all of the constant perspective swaps and tedious dialogue where there can never be fewer than five people in a convesation...I just don't think that's sustainable.

You've also leapt head first into a classic blunder that routinely kills stories. Your protagonist is so stupidly overpowered that nothing except his own stupidity and the voices in his head can possibly represent any threat to him. As if having him be one god wasn't enough, you have him being four. And in just the first few chapters you've established that even without any worshippers he can casually ressurect the dead and casually perform fleshcrafting alterations in the process with the implication that basically anythign he can imagine, he can do. Except when it's convenient for you, the author, to ignore or forget that...and have them suddenly unable to look at the planet they're by. So you've made it clear that Asspull powers are in play, and whatever random arbitrary thing you decide you want to happen in any given moment is what's going to happen. Then you immediately had Luna show up and attack him, and very predictably it barely did more than tickle him as some sort of wish fulfillment power trip, shortly followed by Discord noticing them but choosing not to get involved.

So you've established that your character is the most powerful thing in the verse, except when you just aritrarily decide that he can't do something because it's convenient for you. This isn't a solid foundation for a story.

So now what? What's his motivation? Why should we care about this character? What's left for this fic to explore except a whole lot voices talking in his head while the poor helpless ponies can't do anything, until you either run out of jokes or everybody gets bored?

Everyting about the way you've set this up is going to be make it very hard to keep it interesting for very long. And given that you've apparently started 13 stories here on fimfictiom and every single one is either canceled, unfinished or on hiatus...I just don't see this story going anywhere.

The references are AMAZING

Perhaps it would be interesting to consider this place an Eternal Dream… oh that actually sounds like a really fucking cool name for it! We could call psykers ‘Dreamers’ and have Warp Travel be called ‘Sleepwalking’!

Slaneesh: "hey dreamers, we are up and ready to party"

Also, apparently my goddess spunk makes materials have multiple orgasms on contact… neat.

When you say that... Does that mean she can make a table coom?

“¡Qué carajo… qué carajo ! ¡Yo… por el Anatema, pensé que aislé este lugar de la galaxia durante la Gran Cruzada!” dijo antes de sacar una mesa de la sala de guerra como si fuera una manta de picnic. “¡¿Crees que puedes vencerme y apoderarte de mi mundo?! ¡De ninguna manera, de ninguna manera! ¡Voy a salvar este planeta o mi nombre no es Discord!”

Ok... esto se puso más interesante, si hacen que discord discord quiera salvar el mundo de los ponys, esto es realmente serio

“What the fuck… what the fuck ! I… by the Anathema, I thought I cut this place off from the galaxy back during the Great Crusade!” he said before pulling out a war-room table like it was a picnic blanket. “You think you can get the drop on me and take over my world?! No way, no how! I’m going to save this planet or my name isn’t Discord!”

Oh. Oh shit! THIS IS LEGIT IN WH40K! Oh Equestria is absolutely screwed!

Oooooooooooooooooooohhhh Nooooooooooooooooooooo

5 bucks says that Discord is actually a fragment of Malal that either escaped from or avoided being trapped in the Retconion

11242422
You win that bet...

“Welp, my boner’s gone.” Slaanesh said in a perfect impression of the No-Life King.

I'm very happy she's a full futa 🤤

“Oh come ooooon~! Why are you zapping my ti—IIITS ~!!”

Hehe😏

11217886
Same

my only warhammer knowledge comes from mlp time loops... this story is fun lol

Links broken again.

11794704
fixed it... again.