Twilight Sparkle is being sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship. She's not happy about it.
Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
Green Isn't Your Color
Dear Princess Celestia,
Alright, so here I stand in Carousel Boutique, where I have just witnessed the greatest single revelation in my life so far. There was no way I could have possibly seen this coming at any time.
Fax Machine has a crush on Rarity.
What's more? Rarity somehow talked Fluttershy into modeling, somehow thinking she could turn her into some kind of picture perfect pony. Wow, come to think of it, that sounds like the name of a really bad song.
So, back to Fax Machine. Do you now that with a revelation of this magnitude, that it's really fucking hard to keep a secret? Luckily, I have a built-in secret-revealing detector. I call her Pinkie Pie. If you're about to tell somepony else's secret, she'll pop out of fucking nowhere.
During their first shoot, Rarity thought she could get away with dressing Fluttershy in something akin to what Elvis Ponsley would wear. You know, if he was still alive.
Upon realizing that Photo Finish wanted nothing to do with her and accept her failure, Rarity instead decided to live through her friend and convinced Fluttershy to continue modeling, even though she hated it. Which brings me to the focus of this letter: why the fuck does anypony keep secrets? Rarity and Fluttershy kept getting more and more frustrated because they wanted to keep the other one happy. So when both of them asked me to keep their secret, and voila, I had THREE secrets to keep! Pinkie even had to step up her alarms too. She even threatened to bake me into an apple pie.
I finally snapped, and decided to help Fluttershy get out of modeling. Well, not really. I just set out to make her look like a ditz, and hey, if it ended her career in modeling, I could consider that a bonus. I mean, just wait until the crowd sees her try and pick her nose with her hoof. Not to mention make her bark like the bitch she is. Seriously, I would kill for all that attention. But Rarity, wanting to continue to feed through Fluttershy's success, began cheering, and because that entire crowd liked things just because somebody else did, pretty soon the entire room was cheering.
Back in the fitting room, I then decided to do some contests with my secret keeping. First, how many hooves can I fit in my mouth? Then, how many pieces of fruit. After achieving impressive feats on both fronts, I then tried to turn myself into a plant to really freak everyone out.
But you know, with how hard it is to keep a secret, I finally blurted out Fax Machine's crush on Rarity. Then Pinkie chastised me through the dressing room mirror.
You know, I bet she's the one that's been haunting that abandoned department store on the edge of town.
Your loose-lipped former student,
Twilight Sparkle
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Another brilliant letter, love these letters and how Twilight is portrayed as a pony who continually facehooves at the insanity of Ponyville and her 'friends' ^^
Been way too long
Oh, how I love McBitchypants Twilight. Definitely excited for the next one.
1240967 I know. Apologies for the delays.
Hilarious. I love the "fax machine" lines...
Here is a moustache! You earned it.
I continue to love her somewhat abysmal outlook on life, the universe, and everything in it.
1240975
Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, am I right? Our lives can't revolve around ponies ALL the time. By the way, keep up the good work, these are always good for a laugh.
Did someone say song?
Your 'loose-lipped' former student
If you know what I mean.dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Twilight_Sparkle_lolface.png
1240990 If anything, I would have to say that this Twilight is more nihilistic than abysmal.
Another amazing chapter. I hope you bring out the next chapter in short order.
Cheers
GM
ah ive missed this
1240950
PERFECT!
1240975
The author lives! Loving this series so much dude.
I so wait the Grand Galloping Gala and the Wedding Letters
As always, another great entry in the series.
Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
Wanted to give you a perfect score of 5 out of 5
But the Fax machine line kept me from it.
/ 5
1241416 And just WHAT am I supposed to do with this extra ?????
1241487
Show it to the mares, mares love it.
Ah, I missed this.
Picture Perfect Pony ain't a bad song....
Thank you for gettign this done after a sad story finished PERFECT TIMING i needed a good dose of troll twiley!
Good Letter
"I'm supposed to send a letter to Princess Celestia every week! Not every other week, not every 10 days, EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK."
-Twilight Sparkle
You're long overdue bro but thanks for starting again
1241680 It is to Twilight McBitchypants.
"because somebody else did..."
Yet you use "anypony".
You should write for the show. Or at least find someone that does a good Twilight Sparkle impression and dub all of these over an abridged episode. They would be amazing!
1241989 People have suggested multiple times that Tara Strong read these.
I'll tell you the same I've told everyone else.
Go for it. Best of luck.
Fax Machine has a crush on Rarity?? No way!
Wait, who's Fax Machine? I know there's this super-awesome dragon who works for Twilight, but ...
I kind of wish there was a follow-up, where Twilight says to Princess Celestia "PS: Holy I never want to piss off Pinkie Pie by breaking one of her stupidly-named promises again, though I think I might enjoy seeing somepony else take the fall. Maybe if I can get Applejack..."
THIS PLEASES ME GREATLY
It's been quite a while... totally worth the wait.
It does sound like a really bad song.
Abandoned department store.
Sounds like the next map for those slender games that are apparently supposed to be scary.
Loose lips get baked into an apple pie
1244262 I said that merely from the viewpoint of Disgruntled Twilight. I find the actual song to be one of the best pieces of fan music made, to say nothing of the absolutely phenomenal animation.
1244305 I was referencing the movie Mirrors.
1244326 Or, or, how about...loose lips get shipped. *wink*
1244969
It's a dance track, which is by default, bad. Actually, I should probably check out more of this 'fan music' because so far for my fics I've just be ponifying old rock songs, like Footloose.
1244969
troll.me/images/thumbs-up-jesus-says/oh-i-get-it-niiice-thumb.jpg
1241037
She's certainly horny enough for it.
FAX MACHINE!
1245493
Aww shit...
Henceforth I shall no longer refer to Spike as Spike, but instead I shall call him Fax Machine.
I look forward to seeing what roles Fax Machine will continue to play in future installments.
make her bark like the bitch she is.
I'm can't catch my breath that line has me in stitches!
Beautiful chapter
1240999 Wow, whoever did the animation on that music video was awesome at their job.
Not sure whether to curse you or praise you but this is hilarious
HEY! I actually like that video!
Twilight better learn to keep a secret or she will be haunted FOREEEEEEVER!
how many fax machines does it take to woo a marshmallow? apparently more than one.
Mirrors reference, oh shiiii-
1260588
It's done by the guy who does Ask the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
He's done several videos.
Well you know what they say about loose lips Twilight.