Good Fortune began life, very literally, as an accident. His inauspicious beginning doesn't slow this extraordinary foal down at all.
Thirty-sixth place in the Most Dangerous Group Contest!
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Well, that was a thing.
Not all ponies with wings and a horn are alicorns.
Not all alicorns have wings and a horn.
“Good Fortune, an alicorn does not tell ponies of the things we see,” said Princess Celestia, very sternly.
So she lies?
Try again.
Heh, well theres a stab at prefect. Ousides forces react!
Three point five Outta five.
Oh Goodie a story, careful not to lose an eye.
Pretty sure you meant to use the singular there.
Huh. So the alleles for breed could be expressed as U and P, such that UP makes an earth pony?
Hmm, but that doesn't explain massive earth pony clans like the Apples. They'd have to win the coin flip every time, and I refuse to consider the alternative. Eh, it's pony genetics. Stuff be crazy, yo.
There's something bizarrely adorable about a little kid telling the ruler of his country about his comic book headcanon.
As for the ending, I have only one thing to say: what does this say about Pinkie Pie?
Great work. Thank you for it. Good fortune in the contest!
4605911
In context, I think it's more along the lines of "an alicorn does not directly inform the populous of vague prophetic abilities, instead using those abilities to improve society." Otherwise, the princesses would be swamped with petitioners wanting to know the future.
So...I started reading but the first few paragraphs seem to feel the gender of the two characters is more flexible than I'm used to. I'll try and get into it later.
Now this is a REAL story. The one that exists to be remembered!
This was a pretty interesting idea, a nifty twist on the black-and-red-alicorn-that's-perfect-in-every-way-and-is-therefor-a-boring-spoothead story trope.
It gets an upvote from me.
Very novel indeed, and good for all the right reasons. I do like a new concept, but I love a well-executed new concept. Well done.
4607894
It took me a while to get used to it, but they possess fairly distinctive voices, so it balances out.
4619417 4607894 I'm sorry, but I need this explained. I've reread the opening trying to find what you're trying to point out and I just can't hear it. To me, Careful and Pensive sound like a bantering married couple; and even though it takes place in a laboratory the scene feels very domestic.
4607331
Yeah, I don't get how anyone would think this scene is about Celestia lying. Helping a pony reach their best destiny is a delicate operation, and coming right out and telling them about their future is the most ham-handed (hooved?) thing you can do. In my head canon this is why Celestia never ever give Twilight detailed instructions. Anyway, in this scene Celestia is just warning off little Goodie, who is getting a bit too playful dropping hints about his daddy's future.
There were some typos in here (scare instead of scar, for instance) but I think the real "flaw" with this story is just that it is very much a fluff piece. Fluff pieces can be alright, but this one didn't really do anything for me at all. The alicorn OC didn't feel terribly interesting or distinctive to me, and the story as a whole didn't really go anywhere, as fluff pieces tend to be wont to do. It feels rather glurgy to me.
Let the commenting commence! (That only sounded slightly less silly in my head )
First of, this story is cute and heartwarming and just perfect in my opinion. I don't think there is a red-and-black alicorn OC I could care more about.
Next up:
That pony's full name wouldn't happen to be "Ponder Stibbons", would it?
And lastly, I love that last line. I absolutely love the concept of "hunches", not just as something alicorns do, but as a driving force in Equestria. Of course Pinkie has hunches, but they open up so much potential for side characters, too. I have one story where a side character talks about the importance of hunches, or another story where I joke with the concept that every pony with a fluffy mane automatically has some extent of Pinkie Sense. ("Strange, my tail is twitch-" crash)
All in all, five out of five Quizzicals, but since I have neither Quizzicals nor Cluttersteps, just have some love instead.
4647697 Thanks.
Yes, Dr. Ponder is a ponified Ponder Stibbons. You may have also noticed that I stole most of my magic physics from Terry Pratchett.
As far as hunches, maybe, just maybe, Goodie will get to be King of the Gypsies someday. And maybe Pensive and Careful will discover how to detect earth pony magic.
4650803
But of course. If the things were certain, it wouldn't be a hunch.
Also, if anypony can help him become the King of the Gypsies, it will be an old unicorn wizzard with extraordinarily bad luck and a talent for not dying.
Charming little story, although there was one error: it should have been '...foal he was meant to be...'. (One of the hazards of doing your own proofreading is you can't turn it off ) Other than that, it was fine.
4607331 I'e meant to make note that definitive words on the subject of pony genetics are here. link So UP is an earth pony. So is UE. PE. and, or course, EE.
To expand on the subject, her responce to my question
dotteral rocks!!!
This was absolutely delightful. I was wondering where in the world you were going with it, since Goodie was far too perfect for there to actually be any story, something had to go wrong somewhere, somehow. I was pleasantly surprised by exactly where it did end up! Very nicely done.
I never thought I'd see the day where someone could write a good alicorn OC. You just proved me wrong. Bravo.
Ribbon for you sir/madam/transcendent being:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
5233965 Thank you. It's always good to get a ribbon.
Maybe they should just let the kid be a kid for a while
Hah! Stern Warning got served
Maybe they don't want it to be publicly known that they were also just freak accidents
Also, it might cause a rush of pregnant mares exposing themselves to potentially harmful magic in order to get an alicorn foal
This is getting a bit meta
This had me laughing much harder than it probably should have
Ohai Sunset Shimmer. I can imagine that bothered Celestia quite a bit
In your face, old coot!
Dun dun dunnn?
Hmkay. That does explain why the princesses kept quiet. They probably saw this coming.
Ohhhhhhhh. His Alicorn way of seeing things didn't disappear
This was great. Magnificent addition to those lovely stories of the Most Dangerous Game
Some remarks and corrections:
> “At least the birthday party invites out number the bills and junk mail, Pensive.”
"outnumber" is one word ;)
> it seemed that the Princess’ had made the right decision
"the princesses". Plural, not possessive.
“It’s the process that changed him, it’s reversing,”
I'm fairly sure this is a comma splice.
> He knew this would happen, he knew it all along.
Another comma splice.
> “Goodie, how did you know that was going to happen.”
Probably needs a question mark.
Very well-written! I enjoyed the scientific aspect of pony genes, since that was briefly touched on in the show (albeit with a... less monogamous undertone with Mr. Cake's face during his explanation ). In a universe that is primarily focused on magic and fantasy with a smattering of steampunkesque machinery... it's fun to read a more scientific scenario! After all, science and fantasy can happily co-exist.
Goodie's parents, especially his mother, were quite likeable. Goodie himself was sugary sweet - just wanted to pinch his little cheek! I feel bad for what happened to him, but it seems to me that's for the best. I think he'll be happier at home than stuck in the politics of leadership. Good work!
5431665 Thank you very much (I actually wrote a sequel more so I could use Pensive and Careful again, who I kinda like even more than Goodie).
I really like the "Say Something Nice" Group concept.
5431700 I saw the sequel and I'll be reading it today for sure!
It's something I really want to perpetuate - there's too much negativity, which helps no one. Of course, blind positivity can be harmful, too (as we can't learn from it) but sometimes I, myself, just want a bit of a confidence boost. I can't speak for anyone else, and of course I couldn't prove it in court, but I'll never leave a dishonest comment just to adhere to the group's rule. Every comment I leave, I mean every word!
Finished reviewing story for Olympus: as I expected, it gets in easily. 'Nuff said, I guess.
Review is here, as always.
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