It didn't take long for the group to reach the epicenter of the unfolding chaos, as it wasn't exactly easy to miss. At first it seemed like a chaotic sea as the air cracked and rumbled, darkness beyond the definition thereof leaking through as buildings blended into each other. Riding Cumulo, the group was able to come down from above in what seemed like the eye of the storm, and around them they were able to make out more details so it didn't seem like such madness. However, even up close it was insanity.
Buildings blended into each other, only to snap back into the wrong shapes. There were no people in sight, and unholy screams echoed from the cracks as unnatural eyes glared out from within them, strange protrubances struggling to reach through. Pink Elelphants and creatures of Cthulic myth chased each other through the buildings, in and out of doors like a Hannah Barbarah skit set on Empirical Crescent in Ankh-Morpork. The sky bled butterflies and farted rainbows in colors that were not meant to be part of the visible spectrum but forced their way in.
In the center of it all, on an island of sanity in the sea of madness, huddled the Monkey King clutching two halves of his broken staff, mumbling to himself. As they got closer, they could hear what he was mumbling. "What went wrong? What went wrong? What went wrong?"
As they landed, Sun Wukong stepped off the cloud to stare around at the scene. "You've outdone yourself, brother," he murmured thoughtfully.
The Monkey King perked up at that. "Brother?" he demanded angrily. "That's a change. Who are you and what have you done with my jailer?"
"We're the two halves of Jackie Chan," Kitten explained happily.
"And we beat some sense into him," Tiger growled.
"Metaphorically speaking, but yes," Sun Wukong agreed.
"We can make it literal if that would help," Tiger offered, cracking his knuckles.
"Violence is not the answer!" Kitten countered angrily.
"And what do you think is the answer?" Tiger demanded, gesturing at their surroundings. "This storm is going to get worse before it gets better!"
"Helping Sun Wukong and the Monkey King come to peace with each other so they can work together to fix it?" Kitten suggested helpfully.
"Yeah, like you're ever going to convince this uptight ass to tolerate me," the Monkey King growled, gesturing petulantly towards Sun.
"Actually, I've already agreed to discuss a compromise if they can convince you to do so," the old man pointed out.
"Really?" the Monkey King asked in surprise. "I'm sold then."
"Wait, what?" Hsi Wu demanded in shock.
"Seriously, I can't keep a thought in my head for more than a few moments right now!" the Monkey King explained irritably. "And no matter what I do, I can't find anything funny. If I'm to live and not just exist in a pointlessly empty survival, I need him! But I'm not going back into a cage to make it happen! If that means hearing him out every so often about the funny stuff, better to have a stick partway up than no stick at all, know what I'm saying?"
Sun Wukong chuckled softly. "Well, that was...much easier than I thought it'd be."
"You're the stubborn unchanging one," the Monkey King pointed out waspishly. "Long as you don't try to cage me again and are willing to have fun, I've got no objections to being a bit closer to Neutral. The only reason I even went crazy and started fighting you was because you got so stuck up and stiff after playing messenger for the Jade Council that you forgot how to have fun! You considered it beneath you to actually lay back and enjoy yourself, putting too much importance on responsibilities! When Shendu flipped us, I was happy to cut loose because there were so many jokes we didn't make! And then we got caged up in that doll!"
"So how are we supposed to be able to mesh?" Sun Wukong inquired curiously. "Somehow, I don't think the Tiger Magic that split us removed the doll curse."
"Actually, the two curses meshed and altered," Sweetie pointed out, her eyes glowing green as she examined the magic. "Right now, if you merge back together, whichever side of you tries to suppress the other more will get sealed away, so only by being willing to work with the other will either of you get any control."
"So if we merge right now, being in balance is the only way we both get to have fun, and whoever upsets the apple cart gets locked away for trying?" the Monkey King demanded intently.
"Yup, pretty much!" Sweetie confirmed happily.
"I'm sold!" Monkey King declared happily. "Lets blow this mess, bro!" He held out his hand eagerly.
Chuckling, Sun Wukong reached out and clasped hands. The pair were enfolded in blazing light as a Tiger's roar echoed.
Tiger and Kitten merged back together, as did Viper's two halves. As the light passed, Sun Wukong stood there...changed. While he still had the wrinkles of his age, his eyes were alight with mischief. The red pole he clutched was plainly a sword cane, and he wore only loose silk pants. The backs of his hands, tops of his feet, and back were covered in short, thick, crimson fur. His chest was bare, and similar fur framed his face like a beard and sideburns, with the same color hair growing somewhat wildly from his head, though cut short. His lips were pulled back in a wide grin, revealing a double-canined mouth of teeth.
"It's show time!" he called out happily, spinning his cane, his voice somewhere between the gentle, in control tone of the old man and the wild and untamed one of the Monkey. Sun Wukong, the Monkey King, was whole once more.
"...whoa," Jade murmured in shock.
"So now you can fix this, right?" Hsi demanded.
"Nope!" Sun offered happily, spinning his cane as everyone found themselves slamming face first into the pavement for no apparent reason. "Oh, anime's made things like this so much more fun!" he chortled happily as he balanced on his tail.
"Then how can we fix this?" Jackie demanded angrily, waving his hands at the insanity around them that was slowly encroaching on their island of sanity.
"Oh, we can't!" Sun explained readily. "None of us can handle Cthulic nonsense and stay sane. Thankfully, I know someone who can, and then I can clean up the rest!" Leaping to the side, he unrolled a curtain from his pole, then pulled it aside revealing a rather voluptuous woman in a golden bikini laying back on a pool chair, her golden locks seeming to move of their own accord independent of any wind.
The woman turned with a glare, then slowly lowered her shades as her golden eyes gleamed. "Wukong, the only reason you aren't missing key parts of your anatomy right now is that I can see you're in balance again, and that's a relief. Aside from that, what do you want?" As she growled the last out, the pendant around her neck glittered with a yellow that was more than color.
"While I was split, I made a mess," Sun offered in a playfully apologetic tone, gesturing at the nearest Shoggoth running by. "Help me clean up, Claus-sempai?" He made his eyes big like those of anime characters as he pleaded.
"I've told you to call me Heather," the woman growled as she got up. Frowning at the mess, she put her hand to her pendant. Something flexed.
The Shoggoths, Mindflayers, and other such creatures vanished, howling in shocked despair. The cracks in the sky slammed shut.
"There. You take care of the rest." The woman vanished.
"So...that was Mrs. Claus?" Jade asked nervously as Sun began cleaning up the rest of it.
"Yes," Hsi allowed nervously. "Now you see why the elves didn't want to upset her. Her other title is The Yellow Queen."
"...I don't think I want to enter the talent show anymore..." Jade whimpered.
Well... to be fair you WOULD need to be impressive to deal with Mr Claus. Or... does Mr Claus need to be epic to handle the Missus? XD
Alright, I think this may be the first time you've broken my suspension of disbelief. I just can't imagine a situation where that one is anything other than utterly malevolent.
Probably a smart move Jade.
9609953
Remember that Santa is Old Man Henderson. His girlfriend, Heather, is the reincarnation of Hastur after Henderson killed him, and reclaimed her power while remaining human.
She is now Mrs. Claus.
See the section of Old Man Henderson covering "Eli Burning".
9609959
Oh ho? You are deep-diving on your esoteric lore, I am very impressed. Yes, I can reconcile this permutation, play on Sam!
So.. Santa x Hastur is your OtP?
That is both the most insane shipping I have ever seen.. yet somehow I like it.
Holy crap it's now all but confirmed that santa is henderson.
9609953
When they are pampered and content?
Nice to see more!!!!!
9609981
Well the old King in yellow's idea of a nice snack was the screaming souls of an entire civilization. But I think that his successor here might be willing to settle for gingersnaps and some good eggnog.
Can Mrs. Claus show up again with her husband while they take a summer holiday??? I'd love to see the two of them wave at the Crusaders and Jade while on a date.
I tried to conjure the image led by this sentence and failed in the process. Tatsurou, your knowledge and inspiration is surely on the whole other level.
I used to wonder who in the right mind would married the Old Man Henderson. Now everything is perfectly clear.
Maybe this is another reason the Jade Counsel hesitated to fight Santa back then?
Just don't bother her wee free elves. You wouldn't like her or her husband when you do.
The more I think on this the more I believe this story will be wrapping up soon. I just don’t see how Draco can pose a threat as there are just too many people who be gunning for him if he tries anything. This chapter just further reinforces that idea.
Great a new chapter thank you
Sun Wokong is SSJ4 Goku.
This is perfect, and I can’t wait for Sonata to look him in the eye and call him a maggot. XD
Wait henderson MARRIED haustur?!
Oh lordie Pink Elephants on parade? I'm not a fan of technicolor pachyderms. :3
9610216
There was a campaign that ran after where they grew up together and were friends, so I can see it.
..................................If I was in a situation like that, I would either do one of two things.
a) Wish I was wearing brown pants after finding out who Old Man Henderson is married to.
or b) thank any deity that is listening that I have good bowel control.
What a way to end this hilarious episode remake.
Face Faults are great. One of my more enjoyable tropes seen in classic anime
Funny thing, this whole "romantic with an Elder God" thing is actually canon to the original tale (namely the part where he's renamed Eli Burning). I don't remember if this was the correct one though, but if so they were childhood friends in their second life... after mutually killing each other in the first.
9610376
Yes, it's the correct one. The same one he killed, actually.
9610440
lovely way to practically neuter and castrate every version of Sun Wukong before and after that one, yes?
Mr Claus is Old Man Henderson reincarnated, and Mrs Claus is the Yellow King(now Queen) reincarnated! You've outdone yourself, Tats.
9610484
I mean, That sun Wukong is Epic beyond epic...
I'd say one of the lest hated things GT ever did was creating SSJ4....
it's nothing of being purist / elitist... but if you think so it's ok... just remember, you and I might be "horses"...
Santa is a very lucky man
9610521
dinnae fret... sumtimes e'en I get the case o' ze horsies... (The joke is that, In Spanish, "Shod" - the action of nailing and adjusting horseshoes. sounds similar to a word for "wrong" [Herrado - errado])
9609968
When Santa is Old Man Henderson himself? Yeah, totally.
9609978
Nah, fully confirmed.
Chapter One Hundred Ninety Nine
"Aiyah!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 50
"One More Thing!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 86
Grasshopper is wise
9610958
that would definitely explain how he was crazy enough to be liable for a weird al song.
Welp. Okay then. Not pissing Mrs. Claus off. Ever. *shudder*
Chapter One Hundred Ninety-Nine
"Bad Day"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 48
"I'm not his/your Mistress!"
Chapter Count: 0
Total Count: 12
D8 (sets up a magic bomb shelter) I will only let others in with me when 'she' get's really mad. any objections??
9610386
A quick question but in which chapters did we find this out in. I was quickly browsing the story and can’t find it.
9611845
Back in the chapters where Dao Long Wong attacked Santa, it was all but spelled out that Santa Claus is - or was - Old Man Henderson. The end of Old Man Henderson's story reveals that he is reincarnated as Eli Burning, and Hastur is reincarnated as his then girlfriend Heather. Eli then tricks Heather - while drunk - into reclaiming her power and binding it to an amulet before they both dimension hopped to get away from the Elder God that was angry about them cheating him like that.
I've been implying that they jumped to this world, where they became Santa and Mrs. Claus, respectively.
So great to see an update.
Nice.
Yikes.
9611788
You really think that can stop someone that can beat chathulic magic without even trying * besides if you tried to lock me out imma punt you to her doorstep
9614609
I said I'll let others in!!! That includes you!!!
9615204
Bah your no fun * puts my punting hammer away
Interesting...so in your canon Mrs Claus is the Yellow Queen(King?)...we are talking lovecraft so genders are optional
On a sidenote,I once read a fic with a good Chrysalis, and she always had this one assistant, dressed in yellow, called Hastur , who she called three times to make them appear...we later find out Hastur was Pinkie Pie...causing so many things to make since in canon. That fic got dark in the finale...
9615838
Why do you even have that???
9616790
Why not it's a good way to take off airborn with high speed and it's hilarious watching peoples reaction to knowing I have it besides * boks your head and the hammer bounces off safely * it's made of nurf
9616793
Well use it on the dumb dark chi wizard. Not me.
9616405
Ooo can I have a link got that one
9616796
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/335425/the-wedding-aftermath
It has a sequel btw...personally the best villianess here is the main character of the sequel...Garrote Wire. Wont spoil why...but wow that song u will see.
9616795
I would but * holds up a restraining order for one umbra shadow demkn lord * I'm not allowed near him since this scamp * points to a panther cub made of shadows that's sitting on your head * tried to eat him unprovoked and I'm his host * looks at umbra and boops him as his mouths open wide * umbra no eating the nice pony
9617217
Nyuuu sequels cancelled