Pardons will be begged
Ahhh
Fluttershy lowered herself in to the mud bath at the spa. Now she was relaxed. The sauna had helped her sweat out her stress and the massage had worked out the kinks; now she could simply relax. She wanted nothing better than to quietly sit in the mud and sip on these delicious drinks the spa was handing out. She had never had a mimosa before, but she was fast beginning to love them. These would go quite well with some peace and quite. Rarity however had other ideas, and continued her hours long explanation of her latest business and social coup.
“…and that’s when none other than Gelded Gait came up to me asked me to work on his new fall line!” the unicorn practically squealed.
“Mmmh, that’s nice.” It was the standard Fluttershy response. Her friends often took it to mean that she was happy for them, but whatever good fortune had befallen them would have personally made her uncomfortable. However, there was in fact a another reason she always replied with her catchphrase.
Fluttershy did not give a damn. She didn't give a buck about Rarity's clothes right now; all she cared about was relaxing. Well, relaxing and having more of these delicious orange drinks. Besides, her fashion conscious compadre could stretch a five minute story into a sprawling epic, and she already had the gist: some rich pony wants more clothes, Rarity gets happy.
Oblivious to the true meaning behind her friend’s milquetoast response, Rarity continued on.
“It was so wonderful! This will be fantastic for my business, and of course this will make Rarity a household name in finest social circles in Canterlot!” she added with a slight fangirl squeal.
“That’s nice.”
“Honestly darling, sometimes I wish you lived closer to town. It seems like you always miss out on these goings on.”
“Oh no, I could never leave my critter friends” she replied, a little more absent mindedly than usual.
“Ah yes, I suppose you couldn’t, could you? Although I don’t think it’s safe for you so close to that nasty forest, but I suppose your animals need you out there.”
“Oh no, that’s not why I live out there.”
“Come again?” asked a slightly confused unicorn.
“I could just as well do my job closer to town I suppose, but I like living alone with the animals much better.”
“But darling, for heaven’s sake, why?” Rarity asked with just a slight wine emphasizing her question. She liked her friend, and really wished she lived closer to town at times. Then they could do brunches!
Fluttershy had no idea why she was admitting to this. Perhaps it was being so relaxed in the moment that she didn’t think about the consequences of what she was saying. Perhaps it was because Rarity was one of the few friends she had that actually had the social skills to cope with the truth. More than likely, the endless mimosas that the spa was offering that particular day had something to do with it. In any case, she committed her biggest blunder of the month and continued.
“Ponies are dicks.”
There was a short silence. Rarity blinked.
“I don’t think I heard you darling,” said a disbelieving seamstress. There was no way such a sweet pegasus was using such foul language.
“I said ponies are dicks,” repeated Fluttershy, who studied her drink and emphasizing her point with a curt nod.
There was a very pregnant pause. The only sounds heard were the trickling of spa water and the soft sloshing of mud.
“Fluttershy darling, I know you have some anxiety about social situations, we’ve all seen it, but I—“
“Oh no, this isn’t about anxiety at all. I just prefer the company of animals. They can’t talk you know, or make you do stuff you hate,” explained the normally shy pony. Rarity’s brow was now hopelessly furrowed despite her best efforts to keep a calm demeanor. She was going to have to come back to the spa in a few hours just to avoid the wrinkles she was now causing herself.
“You simply can’t mean that dear. What about your friends? Don’t you enjoy spending time with us?” Rarity was beginning to get slightly panicked and the rising tone of her voice betrayed her concern.
Fluttershy’s tone did not change in the slightest. She remained as quietly cheerful as ever and sank down to her neck before answering.
“Oh Rarity of course I do, you girls are everything to me.” Rarity’s brow unfurrowed itself and her eyes softened. “But if I had to spend any more time around you all than I already do, I’d probably tie my wings down then jump from a very high cloud.” With that she sank further into the mud until it came up to her nose and commenced blowing bubbles through the clay goo.
Rarity’s eye twitched. This was Pinkie Pie and the handcart all over again. Her mind was telling her she hadn’t heard her friend just say that. This was Fluttershy, her best friend, the element of kindness. Did she really just threaten suicide? She didn’t even know where to begin.
“Wh...wha...what?” was all the the white unicorn could sputter out. Fluttershy meanwhile was attempting to negotiate drinking a fresh mimosa through a straw while her mouth remained submerged. It wasn’t working all that well. Rarity regrouped and tried again. “Darling, what do you mean by that?”
Giving up on her attempts to drink through the mud, Fluttershy raised her chin out of the clay pool, and drew deeply on her drink before answering.
“I mean that I can only take so much of all of you. You’re the most wonderful ponies I’ve ever met. But you are still ponies,
and ponies can bug the hay out of me.”
Rarity was now more confused than ever. Was nasty Fluttershy back? It didn’t seem like it. There was no malice in her voice. She sounded calm enough. She still could not comprehend was her ears were telling her. Did Fluttershy not like her friends, or anypony else for that matter?
“Darling, none of us would ever try and do anything to hurt you---“
“Then why do you keep on doing it?" she countered.
Rarity's train of thought jumped the tracks. “I beg your pardon?” she asked in a slightly indignant tone.
“If you don’t want to cause me discomfort, why do you all make me do stuff I hate?” Fluttershy’s tone betrayed not a hint of anger or malice. Her voice was just as demure and kind as always, and she continued to recline in the mud bath sipping her drink. From outward appearances, no pony would guess that she was currently engaged in destroying her friend’s concept of reality. Rarity however was aghast.
“Fluttershy! Please tell me, what are you talking about?! We would never force you to do something you hate,” asked a near hysterical unicorn.
“Oh no?” Fluttershy opened one eye.
“Of course, now please stop all this foolishness and explain yourself! What have I, or anypony else for that matter, ever forced you to do?”
Fluttershy took another sip on her drink and put it down. She made eye contact with Lotus, who was bringing fresh towels and tapped her glass, indicating she wanted another. The spa pony nodded and gave her a wink. That taken care of, she turned her head to her best friend and took a breath.
“Two words: modeling career.”
Rarity’s face fell a little, but she quickly regained her composure.
“Erm, well yes sweetie, but we’ve already dealt with that particular issue, and it's behind the both of us," explained the embarrassed fashionista. She had done that hadn't she?
“Sneaking out of Ponyville when Trixie took over,” Fluttershy continued.
“Come now, somepony had to-
“The hearth’s warming play.”
“Princess Celestia personally—“
“Dealing with that sleeping Dragon.” She was on a roll now, and was not going to stop or let her friend get a word in edgewise.
“But you—“
“Being more assertive.”
“Oh yes, sorry about that one.” Rarity laughed nervously and began to examine her hoof intently.
“Bringing the water to Cloudsdale.”
“Okay, now that was a strictly Pegasus affair. You can’t blame us for that,“ claimed Rarity a rather defensive manner.
“Who all but assaulted me in my own home and made me go?”
“Well, I guess it was Rainbow Dash, but-“
“Yes it was Dash. Then there was being forced to fight her to entertain those crystal ponies. Me fighting!” She was clearly disgusted by the memory of mortal combat.
“Yes, that was tad barbaric wasn’t it?” offered Rarity.
“Ooh, and what about the dragon migration?”
“Aha! You weren’t even there darling,” the white unicorn triumphantly pointed out.
“Only because I was able to fight my way through Dashie. Can you believe Twilight stood there calmly while Rainbow tried to kidnap me from my own house? Worst wingmare ever. Never going out alone with her on a Saturday night.” She shuddered at the notion. Aloe returned with a fresh mimosa and Fluttershy eagerly took in her hooves and drew a long sip.
“These really are very good! “ She gushed. Then she thought for a second, “Although it is a little creepy how those two switch off all the time," she said while eying the spa pony like she would one of her wayward chickens.
Rarity had recovered enough from her friend’s revelations enough to snap back into reality and took stock of the situation. Then she has an epiphany of her own. “Fluttershy dear, perhaps you should take it easy on those.”
“Why? I feel so relaxed right now.” With a satisfied smile she settled back into the mud bath with a gentle “blorp” from the clay. “Besides it’s just orange juice and mushrooms.”
Rarity was utterly befuddled again. “Mushrooms darling?”
“Orange juice and champignons. Did you forget I can speak Prench? Haute Couture!” she squealed with glee. Then she eyed her glass suspiciously, turning it in her hooves. “Who knew such a combination would taste so good?” She settled back down and closed her eyes. “Probably Pinkie Pie,” she sighed.
Rarity giggled a little, and tried to cover he mouth with a hoof. “Yes, I’m sure Pinkie would think to mix those two things.” She motioned to Lotus and asked for a wine spritzer. She was going to enjoy this. Rarity thought of her other friends, and then went for a new line of inquiry. “Surely you enjoy our company?”
“Oh, of course I do! I wouldn’t be friends with you if I didn’t,” exclaimed a slightly surprised, but now obviously tipsy pegasus.
“But you said you would hurt yourself if you had to spend more time with us.”
“Maybe I was exaggerating a little," she admitted, " but I can only take so much stress Rarity.”
“Really dear, aside from our adventures, what stresses you out personally about us?”
“Well it’s not so much you girls personally that bother me. You have wonderful personalities and I always enjoy having tea or chatting with you.” She stared at the ceiling then pushed her head back and finished her drink all in one chug. She stacked the empty glass on a pyramid she was building beside the bath.
The white unicorn had to stifle a gasp at the display, but didn’t lose her initiative. How often did Fluttershy of all ponies open up like this?
“Then what is it dear? You know I certainly want nothing but your happiness,” the words oozed false charm, but the pegasus took no notice.
Instead she calmly smiled and accepted yet another glass from Lotus, who also handed Rarity her spritzer. Fluttershy watched the spa pony canter back to the front office, and Rarity thought she detected a predatory look in her eyes but quickly dismissed the notion. Surely her Fluttershy didn't swing that way, did she? In any case, the inebriated pony chose to continue her diatribe.
“It’s the daily things that you girls do. It’s not bad, it’s who you all are. It's just that I can only take it in small doses,” she explained while beginning what must have been her seventh drink of the visit.
Rarity had to admit she was slightly impressed with her friend’s stamina, but stayed focused on the matter at hoof. “Like what darling?”
Fluttershy thoughtfully tapped her chin. “Who should I start with?”
“Pinkie Pie.” Rarity thought that she was easy pony to be troubled by, a difficult one to not like.
Fluttershy closed her eyes and sighed through her nose. “She knows I hate large social events, but makes me come to her parties at least once a week.” She stared into her glass “Never has any booze either” she muttered.
“Well that’s not really fair now is it? Parties and making ponies happy are her talent.”
“She also condescending.”
“Pinkie Pie? Condescending? Really Fluttershy...” Rarity's tone was took on a slightly patronizing tone, but her friend took no notice.
“I’m a year older than her,” she muttered under her breath while glaring at her friend.
“Um, yes, quite right." Rarity was slightly taken aback by the sudden change in tone and decide to not press the issue. "What about dear Applejack?”
“Racist,” Fluttershy said flatly.
“Darling! That’s just wrong, and quite unbecoming of you to say," the unicorn scolded her friend. "Although she is a bit rough around the edges," she admitted. "How about our Twilight?”
“Dangerous Spazz.”
“Fair enough," admitted the seamstress. "Rainbow Dash?”
Fluttershy went from relaxed to suddenly animated. “Oh she’s the worst! Do realize how many times she’s nearly gotten me killed?” She waved her forelegs ask if asking the ceiling, flinging mud everywhere in the process.
“I’m afraid I don’t darling.” Rarity's eyes went wide and she quickly searched her memory. She also wiped flecks of mud form her now be-speckled visage. Fluttershy remembered however, and quite vividly at that.
“Four!" she exclaimed, splaying out four feathers from a wing in emphasis."The first was when I got pushed off a cloud because she was so clumsy and then ended up being too self absorbed to notice! I was only a filly! A filly!" she recounted
“But didn’t that help you get your cutie mark?” the fashionista offered, hoping to mitigate her friend's agitation.
“Is that really worth dying over?” she deadpanned.
“I suppose not," admitted the Rarity before trying to salvage some of Dash's image in Fluttershy's eyes. "But really, she is awfully protective of you.”
“Is that why she charged me with a lance?" Her voice was getting louder and more shrill with each recounted horror.
“We already covered—“
“Was it being protective when she made the weakest flyer in Ponyville fly into a tornado for a stupid competition?” Now she was yelling, well yelling for a Fluttershy that is.
“I don’t know dear, that’s all pegasus business to me,” she dismissed. Truth be told, Rarity had no idea why that was such a big deal. Could they not just swallow their pride an use some unicorn magic, or what was it that Twilight called it? Evap-o-ration?
“Hmpff.” Fluttershy crossed her forelegs and pouted, sticking her tongue out at the mud; a most un-Fluttershy thing to do. Now Rarity was certain. Her friend was drunk. Drunk on spa orange juice and champagne. The lady-like thing to do, of course, would be to get her some water and then get her back home. Still Rarity did have one more burning question, and this was really the only time she knew her friend would be completely honest about it. It really wasn’t proper to ask her when she was like this, but she had just finished roasting her other friends and she was curious.
“Fluttershy, darling…” she purred wile she levitated her glass of wine over to her friend. Fluttershy immediately snapped out her funk and tried to grab the glass, but Rarity moved it between the two mud baths so the tipsy pony was facing her. She lifted the glass slightly.
“What about…moi?” She batted her eyes and let Fluttershy have the drink which she quickly consumed. "What do I do that troubles you so?"
“Well Rarity,” she began as she wiped her mouth and turned to her friend.
She froze for a minute. Her pupils dilated to pinpricks, then became black opals, reducing the turquoise of her eyes to nothingness. She dropped the glass in the mud. A crooked and giddy smile passed her lips.
“Darling, are you quite alright?” Rarity was immediately regretting giving her that last drink.
Fluttershy’s eyes went half lidded and she gave her friend an awkward duckface.
Alarm bells were now beginning to ring in Rarity’s mind
“You know, youff always been my besht friend,” she slurred.
She reached a mud caked hoof out bath and bath and began to lift herself out while leering at her friend.
“You're generoush, and kind...hmmm kind,” she cooed to herself. “And you…you...wow, you have such pretty eyes.”
One of Rarity’s eyes immediately recognized the danger it was in and attempted to extricate itself from the situation by twitching uncontrollably for the ceiling. The alarm bells in the unicorn’s head turned into an air raid siren.
“Okay, well! I think that’s quite enough spa time for now! Pruney hooves and all that! WahaHAha!” With that Rarity practically leaped out of the mud bath and made for the showers. She began her rinse, trying to wash away the mud and a new and unfamiliar feeling of uncleanliness. However, she quickly realized that she was missing something. She returned to the mud baths to find that her friend had cornered the blue spa pony and was demanding something she called a “happy ending.”
---
Outside the spa, Fluttershy did her very best to stand up straight but couldn’t. It didn’t seem to bother her though as she continued to rant about the spa while she wobbled on four hooves.
“50 bits and no happy ending? What kind of bush league establishment is this?” she demanded, while swaying from side to side.
“Darling, I am quite sure that neither they nor I have the slightest idea of what you are talking about.” Rarity was gently using her magic to tug her friend away from the doors.
“I’ve been kicked out of better restrooms than this!” the yellow pegasus raged at the day-spa.
“You’re not being kicked out dear, it’s just time for us to go!” Rarity pulled a little harder.
“Really?! Let’s go then! Where are—“the tipsy pony immediately made for street. Unfortunately, her friend was still using her magic to pull her that way and was too surprised to stop. The pegasus tumbled into the road.
“Oh my goodness! Darling are you okay?!” Rarity immediately levitated her off the ground, but Fluttershy was still upside down.
“Look everyone! I’m Derpy Hooves!” she giggled as she flapped her wings and ran in place.
Rarity righted her friend and sat her down on the cobblestone path. She was beginning the run out of patience to be generous with.
“Darling that’s not very nice. You know she means well.” Rarity chastised her friend and checked her for bruises. “Besides, I remember you had trouble flying once or twice.” She was definitely being generous with that assessment.
Fluttershy immediately stood up.
“But not anymore sugar flanks! Watch the best flyer in Equestria do her newest trick!”
“Trick? Darling you’ve never done any tricks.” Rarity was almost pleading with her friend, but refused to make a spectacle of herself by begging, even her friend had already bypassed spectacles and gone straight to binoculars.
“Really? Then watch me do the best trick you have ever seen!” She pumped her wings and took a deep breath. The voice that emerged was eerily similar to her Gala freak-out voice.
“The ballistic butter bomb!”
And with that she closed her eyes and pumped her wings as hard as she could. With speed of a methed-out butterfly, she wobbled almost a full twenty feet before her face made contact with an oak tree and she fell to the ground. Rarity was by her side instantly. Her friend was not unconscious, just lying on her back with a crooked grin plastered on her muzzle.
“Darling don’t ever do that again!” Rarity pondered the next move. “We need to get you inside and sober you up. Your place is a little far…”
“Yes! Sexy sleepover at Rarity’s!” She pumped a hoof in celebration then promptly fell asleep at the base of the tree.
“Your place it is then,” grumbled Rarity. She levitated her now snoring friend into the air and made for Fluttershy’s cottage.
fin