The Great and Powerful Trixie and the assertive Iron Will end up sharing the spotlight due to a scheduling mix-up. Celestia help us all.
Due to the mistakes of an easily distracted intern, Equestria's two biggest egos reluctantly agree to work together on stage at the Excoltibur Hotel and Casino in fabulous Las Pegasus! Hopefully they'll refrain from killing each other long enough to give their fans a show they'll never forget!
Credit to my brony IJAB for the cover art and assistance!
Also, Trixie ignores her Season 3 appearance here.
"Ooh, this is bad, this is bad. This is very, very bad," Top Billing muttered to himself as he paced back and forth in front of his desk. He loosened his red silk tie and unbuttoned his sleek black coat.
It was normal early afternoon on Thursday, and his day had started out decent enough. The marketing and promotions director had gone over some numbers and seen a nice profit up to this point in the quarter, enough of one that made him eager to show the company's investors. Where most of the other casinos that spring had seen a slight dip in the number of visitors they had, thanks to Top Billing's hard work and good strategies, the Excoltibur had remained steady, even seeing a slight increase. There was a reason the normally cool and collected stallion was kept on board. He got results.
When his two unicorn assistants – one with a coat of burnt sienna and a blonde mane and the other having a beige coat and midnight blue mane – walked in looking grim not an hour ago, he knew instantly something was wrong. But he wasn't prepared in the least for what they told him.
Since then, the pair watched with neutral expressions from between the two cushy chairs in the center of the room as Top Billing slowly turned his brown mane gray, one hair at a time. The off-white earth pony finally stomped his way over to the window and looked out over The Strip. If word got out about what would ultimately be called his catastrophic screw-up, he'd turn into the laughingstock of Las Pegasus overnight! He nervously dragged a hoof through his frazzled mane, shaking in distress more and more with each passing minute.
"How in the world could something like this have happened?! In my twenty-two years of being in this business, I've never seen anything like this!" he ranted. "Ugh, stupid question. If that moron intern wasn't constantly staring at Miss Fairweather's flank all day long, this wouldn't have happened."
Sighing, he sat down in his chair and slumped over, hanging his head tiredly between his hooves. He needed to calm down. Yes, yes, just...have to relax! Everything will be fine!
The unicorns watched his breakdown rather emotionlessly. It wasn't their job on the line if the situation wasn't repaired after all.
"Okay, so what are we looking at? You guys have any ideas?"
The beige pony cleared his throat. "Yes, sir. We were discussing it on the way over once we got word."
"We could only come up with three realistic options. Starting with the most likely scenario, you could convince one of them to reschedule."
"That's just not going to happen," Top Billing cut them off. "These two have schedules of their own to keep, and we've dealt with them before. You and I both know they wouldn't go for it. And, even if they did, what's our schedule look like?"
"We're booked pretty solid for the next six weeks," the blonde stallion mumbled.
"Well, there goes that. Anyway, go on."
"Option two, you could try and convince one of them to just cancel altogether."
"See option one, " Top Billing deadpanned. "Besides, you know the fine print we have on our contracts. You honestly think those two buffoons read it before signing?"
"Not at all, sir. Finally, the third option," the unicorns froze and glanced at each other with pursed lips, "you could...try convincing them to...go on stage together."
Top Billing glared up at them from across the desk he had been staring vacantly at as they listed their options. A moment of silence later, the three burst out laughing.
"You didn't think that was the best way to go from the beginning? You should have told me that one first! That sounds like a real winner there! Hahaha!" As the trio carried on, Top Billing contacted his secretary on the intercom, barely containing his laughter. "Ohhh Celestia! Miss Fairweather?"
"Yes, Mr. Billing?" it buzzed back.
"Send in that idiot intern, would you?"
"That doesn't really narrow it down, sir. Could you be more specific?"
"The one that can't stop looking at you," he smirked.
"Ah, that one. Right away, Mr. Billing."
After a few minutes of boisterous guffaws and jokes at the expense of the two stage performers, they were interrupted by the office door opening and a young, dark-gray stallion with a rather dingy, unkempt mane lazily stepping inside. His 'out there' look led most ponies who worked with him on a daily basis to believe he was probably doing something rather illegal at home. Or in the break room. Or both. Nopony couldn't be sure.
"You wanted to see me, dude?" he said with a subtle slur.
The lack of respect the youth showed around the office irritated Top Billing to no end. Being addressed as 'dude' at the workplace felt like a slap in the face to everything he earned over his career. If he was a typical example of what the future of Equestria had to offer, he was not impressed. With a twitch of his brow, he laid into the teenage stallion.
"Yeah, kid. Get out of my casino! You're fired!"
"Umm, I'm just an intern. I don't technically work for you."
Blinking once, his sharp mind firing out an idea in an instant, Top Billing reached into his desk and pulled out his oversized checkbook. Taking a quill in his mouth, he opened the book to the most recently used page and filled out a check for the space cadet. Tearing it off, he waved it in the direction of the intern. The beige unicorn took hold of it with his magic and brought it over to the youngster.
"Then congratulations, kid. You're hired."
"Uh, but you were just ready to fire me."
The director paused, quickly coming up with a reasonable excuse. Like the intern would know the difference.
"Well, you just showed me you got some brass ones by standing up to me. I like that, so I'm bringing you onto the team officially."
"You...you can do that? I thought you had to go through the agency or something."
"You let me worry about that," Top Billing brushed his question off.
"Whoa, thanks bro," the intern said, grabbing the check in his mouth.
"Don't sweat it. Now, first thing I want you to do on our payroll is to clean out your desk and go home."
"Yes, sir!" the intern cheered, saluting for his boss.
The beige unicorn put his hoof on the young stallion's shoulder and casually escorted him out the door. Once he was beyond the doorway, Top Billing's words finally sank in to his empty head.
"Wait, what?"
SLAM!
"Hey, this check is only made out for one bit!" came from behind the door.
"Miss Fairweather, please have security escort Captain Imbecile off the premises," Top Billing spoke into his intercom.
"Right away, sir."
The unicorn returned to his partner and addressed their boss. "How exactly did that help the situation, sir?"
"It didn't. I just wanted him out of here. I'll gladly eat the cancellation fee on that check if it means he's out of our manes." He slapped himself upside the head. "Ugh, still have the matter of our two showponies to deal with. Miss Fairweather, one more thing."
"Go ahead, Mr. Billing," the intercom said.
"I need you to check with the front desk to see if Iron Will and Trixie have checked in yet. If they have, see that they're sent up to see me right away, but only if they're both here. I need to talk to them together, and since the show that moron scheduled them both to perform is going on tomorrow night, I'm assuming they're probably here," he explained.
"Yes, sir. I'll let you know in just a few minutes."
"Thanks, hon."
-----
A couple hours had passed. Overall, it didn't take long for Miss Fairweather to fulfill Top Billing's request. Just like he assumed, both Trixie and Iron Will had signed in earlier in the day. After speaking with security, they tracked down the pair thanks to the numerous cameras set up all over the casino, including the mall, restaurants and other venues located throughout the facility. Iron Will had been found having some fun – rather loudly at that – gambling, and Trixie was in one of the salons located on the grounds, reading a magazine while a pegasus dolled her up, primping her mane and filing her hooves with the extra level of care one would expect for the price being paid.
The waiting was the worst. Top Billing silently panicked in his chair as he thought about what their reactions to such news would be. No doubt they'd be as livid as he was. He almost wished he could rehire the intern just so they could keep him as a punching bag for a little while before dumping him back out on his flank.
-----
Over the last thirty minutes, the director had been downing one glass after another of the scotch he kept in one of the large lower drawers of his desk. He was up to number six. He didn't usually break out the bottle but still felt the need to keep one around in case of emergency, and he couldn't think of a better reason to start drinking.
It had taken a while, but Top Billing eventually settled down as much as the situation would allow him to. Hearing the amber liquid flowing into the small tumbler was a symphony of sound against the otherwise petrifying silence wracking his brain. The heavenly aroma was a veritable alcoholic bakery, having slowly – though not completely – melted his worries away. Nopony would ever accuse Top Billing of not enjoying his liquor or being able to hold it.
Hearing the easily avoidable mistake coming to light in his office kept replaying in his mind. He thought of all the times he caught the intern sitting around doing nothing or brazenly hitting on his secretary and wondered exactly when the monumental blunder happened and how. He could probably use the fool as an example to his kids about staying in school. His assistants, ever the brownsnouters, thought it was a wonderful idea.
He was also quite amazed that Miss Fairweather never brought anyone up on charges of sexual harassment. Perhaps the mare realized she was simply dealing with a young idiot and couldn't be bothered to care. He felt his blood start to boil again at the notion and poured another drink. A lawsuit was the last thing the company needed.
Top Billing's associates observed with disinterest from across the desk as their boss topped off his glass and wolfed down the liquid ambrosia, neither condoning nor condemning his relaxation methods. It wasn't anything they hadn't seen before.
The quiet but tense atmosphere was broken by the office door squeaking open. The secretary stepped through, clipboard in hoof.
"Mr. Billing, Iron Will and Trixie–"
"The Great and Powerful Trixie," a voice spoke from outside.
Miss Fairweather rolled her eyes. "...and The Great and Powerful Trixie are here, as you requested."
He fumbled clumsily with the bottle as he put it back, grunting loudly when it hit the bottom of the drawer with a loud 'klink' and threatened to shatter to pieces. Maybe he had a bit too much this time. Once it was comfortably back in its resting place, he straightened his mane and tie and buttoned his coat back up. He quickly breathed into his hoof and took a whiff. Seemed OK.
"Send them in."
The secretary nodded toward the guests. In first came the massive minotaur, ducking through the doorway while standing imposingly atop two of his goat entourage – the only two that came with him to the office – with his arms folded. Behind him entered the self-proclaimed Great and Powerful Trixie, wearing her trademark hat and cape and clamping a hoof over her snout, trying and failing to hold her breath. The look she was aiming at Iron Will's putrid assistants could have killed them, had their eyes met. Even Miss Fairweather had to swat at the air as she departed.
"Thanks for stopping by on such short notice. Glad to see you were both here. Please, have a seat," Top Billing said, motioning to the chairs before them.
"Iron Will wants to know why he was pulled away from his winning streak at the craps table," he demanded as he sat down.
"Nopony cares about that. The Great and Powerful Trixie was in the middle of a hooficure for her show tomorrow night, so this had better be important," the azure braggart said.
The minotaur cocked an eyebrow at the showmare. "What do you mean your show? Iron Will is going on stage tomorrow night."
"What the hay are you talking about?"
"Please, everypony," Top Billing interjected. "That's why I've called you here."
"And who are you?" Iron Will asked.
"I'm Top Billing, director of marketing and promotions here at the Excoltibur Hotel and Casino. I'm ultimately the one who makes the decisions as far as who's going to be performing, and when, with some assistance from my friends here." The unicorns nodded respectfully. "I'll cut to the chase. We have a bit of a problem. It seems one of our...less intelligent interns," he smirked, "somehow ended up putting you both down for tomorrow night. At the same time."
"What?!" they screamed together.
Iron Will zipped over to Top Billing's desk, nose to nose with him in a flash. "You had better find a way to fix this, or you're going to be in for a world of hurt!" he shouted, blowing the director's mane back.
"Sit down," the director said bluntly, unintimidated by Iron Will's showboating. He had dealt with plenty of raving CEOs and board members in the past and wasn't going to be bullied in the least by some stage loon.
After steaming for a moment, the minotaur reluctantly – with a defiant snort – returned to his seat. His goats glared daggers at the unimpressed earth pony across from them.
"Trixie agrees! This is completely unacceptable! Trixie works alone, and if you don't find a way to resolve this, Trixie is walking!"
"As is Iron Will!" the minotaur added.
"Excuse me, but Trixie wasn't finished talking!"
"You're finished talking when Iron Will says you're finished!" he yelled in her face.
Somehow, her hat managed to stay on her head, despite being flapped about by his hurricane-like voice.
Rolling her eyes at his arrogance, she continued, "Whatever. Anyway, when Trixie was here several months ago, everything was handled magnificently! The stage, the lightning, the catering, everything! Who was in charge back then so Trixie can speak to them about getting this done right?!"
"I was."
"Then fix this!"
"That's why I called you both here, if you'll let me finish. My associates and I have gone over the only real options available. We can either reschedule one of you, cancel one of your shows altogether, or somehow get you to perform together. That's the best we came up with on such short notice," Top Billing explained calmly.
The two egomaniacs rubbed their chins, almost in unison, processing the options. Finally, Iron Will spoke up.
"I suppose a reschedule could work. How far ahead are we talking?"
"Trixie is also curious."
The reddish-brown unicorn stated, "The only opening we have is several weeks away."
"Several weeks?!" they yelled together again. Aware of their second shared session of shouting, they glanced angrily at one another.
"Well, Iron Will isn't going to cancel his workshop! What better place to show ponies that they can remain headstrong and confident through the power of assertiveness after all their hopes and dreams have been crushed than Las Pegasus?! These ponies need me!" he boasted with a flexing of his massive arms.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous! Ponies come to Las Pegasus to be entertained, and there's no bigger entertainer in Equestria than The Great and Powerful Trixie! I am most certainly not going to cancel. Trixie's fans came to see a show like none other, and nothing is going to stop Trixie from giving them one!" she chanted, thrusting her hoof dramatically into the air.
Iron Will glared at Trixie and continued to argue his case as eloquently as he usually did everything else. "Well, if you think Iron Will is going to share the stage with a pompous mare like you, you're out of your mind!"
"Trixie would rather eat a trough full of pig slop than perform with a circus clown such as yourself!" she retorted.
As the stage presences attacked each other, as well as Top Billing, one of Iron Will's goats stared puzzlingly at the azure pony. He was sure they had seen her someplace before. She looked so familiar. Perhaps it was her outfit? Maybe the way she spoke about herself in third person? Nopony they knew did anything that ridiculous. It suddenly hit him and he whispered in Iron Will's ear, temporarily stopping his tirade.
"Uh huh. Really? Is that so?" He looked over the foaming magician and grinned devilishly. "Oh yeah! You're right!"
"–and furthermore, Billing–"
"So, Twinkie!" Iron Will interrupted.
An eye twitched. "...Did...did you just call me...'Twinkie'?!"
"No."
"It's Trixie!"
How Iron Will didn't burst into flames solely by her death glare was a mystery to all.
"That's what I said. So, Trixie, if you decide to walk out on this, perhaps you could take your show on the road to a little place called Ponyville," the minotaur said smugly.
"Grrk! Ergh! Buh!" she stuttered and spat. "Don't you dare talk to me about that place!"
"So, you did almost wreck the town?"
"I did nothing of the sort!" Trixie snarled. "It was these two colts that I sincerely hope were in the special ed classes at the local school! If those village-idiots-in-training understood the difference between reality and entertainment through exaggeration, Trixie's reputation would never have been damaged! How did you even know about that incident?"
Iron Will patted his cohort on the back, and the goat smiled at the flummoxed unicorn. "Iron Will makes it his business to know what's going on in the entertainment world, and my friend here reminded me about something that we heard involving you and that little place."
"Baaa!" the goat added fiercely.
"Oh really? And just where did you find out about it?" Trixie demanded.
"I read the tabloids."
The four ponies in the room stared at him, unmoved.
"What? If somepony happens to mention Iron Will in one of those things, Iron Will is going know about it!" he explained, striking several over-the-top poses to the crack of an unseen whip.
Trixie broke her silence and smirked at her opponent. "You know, I wasn't going to mention this originally, but since it's come up, I'm pretty sure I saw something somewhere about you as well. If I recall right, I believe it was about being brought up on charges for verbal abuse and emotional distress!"
Launching her from her chair with a 'thud', he hollered, "Those charges never really happened! Fluttershy denied time and again that she ever filed anything against me! She may be the only pony unhappy with my assertiveness training, but we came to a mutual understanding! How exactly did you know about that anyway, hm? You don't seem like the type of pony that has many friends to tell her about that kind of stuff," he emphasized, poking her chest as she hoisted herself back to her seat.
Swatting him away, Trixie composed herself. Turning her nose up proudly, she answered, "A great magician never reveals her secrets."
Iron Will, his two goats, and the other three ponies in the room stared at her, unmoved.
She opened a single eye upon feeling the weight of her critics' silent, judging gazes. Groaning in defeat, she told them the horrific truth. "Oh, alright. Trixie reads–" She stopped and frowned at herself, realizing what she was about to say was going to sound a bit familiar to the room. "Trixie...reads the tabloids."
They continued to stare at her, unmoved.
"...I'm curious if I'm ever mentioned in them, OK?" she said through gritted teeth.
Still, they continued to stare.
"...Shut up."
Iron Will smirked happily at his cloven-hoofed friends, a small victory against the obnoxious mare having been won.
A furious growl from across the room. Top Billing slumped his head and ran a hoof across his worn face. It seemed the witty banter between the two had died down, but he still had a massive headache all of a sudden. Maybe it was time for another drink.
"Are you two finally finished? Can we straighten this up now?" he asked angrily, settling into his large plush chair in a businesslike fashion. He held his hooves together and glared stoically.
"Look, if you can't make her disappear, Iron Will is done here," the large bull stated plainly.
"And if you can't convince him to spout off someplace else, Trixie is done here," the mare added.
"And you both realize that, according to the fine print on the contracts you signed, any deposits you've already given to the Excoltibur Hotel and Casino for any services is completely nonrefundable under any circumstances," Top Billing finished with the tiniest of smiles.
"Are you kidding me?! Iron Will ain't got time to read the fine print!" he roared, slamming a fist onto Top Billing's desk, the impact shooting several quills into the air and onto the floor.
"Yeah, we gathered that," the director stated bluntly, "and get off my desk!"
"How in Equestria are our deposits nonrefundable when you made the mistake?" Trixie asked.
"That's an excellent question! What's your excuse, Mr. Billing?"
He simply shrugged as Iron Will sat back down, still steaming. "Hey, the higher-ups are the ones who make the rules, not me. I follow them just the same as you two. You want to complain? Go yell at them. The customers are one thing; the talent is something else entirely according to their rules, and even then, few exceptions are made. Now, we still haven't worked this out. The show is tomorrow, and if somepony doesn't go out there, I'm going to be forced to issue refunds to many, many upset patrons, and that's going to make me upset, and you don't want to know who I can get in touch with about things that make me upset."
The poorly disguised threat caught the performers' attention, but they remained steadfast in their appearance. Top Billing noticed the subtle shrink from his guests and smirked. The two loud artists turned and stared aggressively into each other's eyes, silently battling for dominance. Unfortunately, neither side was giving an inch. Simultaneously, they looked away, Trixie's gaze darting around as she decided what to do and Iron Will turning to his cronies for advice.
The minotaur slouched. The goat between the two entertainers was staring blankly at nothing in particular while the other was munching absentmindedly on a corner of the carpet. A light blue glow suddenly grabbed onto the fabric and yanked it out of his mouth, throwing it back onto the floor.
"Stop doing that!"
A moment of awkward, decisive silence passed. The idea of giving up their deposits for absolutely nothing sat as well with the pair as a good case of the plague, and trying to redo their already tight schedules was simply not going to work. Iron Will finally spoke up with a sigh. He rubbed his temples and pursed his lips, unable to believe what he was about to say.
"Fine. Iron Will.. agrees.. to work with Trixie if she's willing." He smirked and folded his arms defiantly.
A disgusted grumble left the showmare's lips a second later. "And Trixie," she shuddered, the words she was about to speak being almost painful to say, "agrees to work with.. Iron Will."
Neither Top Billing nor his associates could believe what they heard either. "You...you're serious?"
"Yeeees," they groaned. Yet again, they shared an annoyed glimpse at their coincidental actions, instantly turning their noses up. "Hmph!"
"Well...err...okay! Great! Glad we could come to an agreement," Top Billing stated, relieved that what he hoped would be the hardest part was over. "I'll get in touch with the boys at the printing stations downstairs and get them to put together some last minute signs and pamphlets and stuff advertising you both as the headline. They may have to work through the night to get it done, but they've never let me down before. I guess I'll see you tomorrow night before the show then!"
The perturbed pair left their seats and shook hooves with the director, choosing to give each other a sideways glance instead of meeting Top Billing eye to eye.
"Just don't get in Iron Will's way and everything will be just fine, understand?"
"Oh puh-lease! The only way I could get in your way is if I walked backwards," Trixie snapped.
"Considering where you have your head, you'd probably have a hard time seeing where you were going!"
The blue unicorn stuck her tongue out at the behemoth for good measure as they bickered on their way out the office, the goats following a step behind. Surprisingly enough, despite their arguing, they didn't slam the door closed.
Top Billing collapsed onto his desk face first. "Dear Celestia, somepony kill me now."
A little more than twenty-four hours had passed since Top Billing finished 'convincing' Iron Will and Trixie to go on stage for the amusement of their fans and the fattening of his wallet. There was little to no time for the two to discuss how they could possibly work with each other and use their respective talents to keep the show going without it devolving into chaos. As important as something like that was, they preferred to part ways as soon as they left the administrative area once they had gotten all of the bickering out of their systems and leave things up to fate.
Once they had arrived at their respective rooms later that evening, however, they started to regret not sticking around and writing up some last minute material. This was a unique situation they were stuck in, and such things required a unique approach. Granted, they generally worked alone, but perhaps just this once they could suck it up and go talk to their co-star?
Bah! They'll be fine!
The show was starting in an hour, and Iron Will paced back and forth in his luxury hotel room in front of the mirror on the dresser. His goats stood by the door, staring blankly as their boss hummed and hawed to himself, trying to piece together things he could do make the night go as painlessly as possible for himself and, with any luck, as painfully as possible for Trixie. Between potential ideas, one dismissed after another in a string of constant frustration, he muttered his annoyance over sharing the stage out loud.
"Iron Will can't believe this. Being forced to work with some ridiculous showboating unicorn. Doesn't she realize that real magic comes from inside? From how you feel about yourself?" he asked his companions, not receiving a response. Flexing quickly and proudly for his mirror image, punctuating the act with a kiss to his bicep, he continued his pep talk. "Heck, with enough self-confidence, you can do anything you want, like...working with somepony you'd rather not work with."
Despite his desire for them not to, Iron Will's thoughts kept drifting back to the arrogant little pony for some reason. He had never dealt with anypony with such brass before. He couldn't deny that a part of him was rather impressed. Lowering his arms and curiously rubbing his chin, he mumbled to himself further about his four-legged adversary.
"Y'know, I don't recall ever seeing her at any of my shows. Iron Will would have remembered somepony as assertive and confident as Trixie. I must admit it was rather attractive when she– "
He froze up briefly, flabbergasted at what suddenly just slipped out of his mouth. What was he going on about? This mare was getting in the way of his workshop and what his fans came to see! She doesn't deserve any kind words! He scowled at his reflection, trying to intimidate the silly thoughts from his head.
Still, in a little while, he'll have to go on stage with her and figure out on the fly how to deal with such a ludicrous situation. It was only one time, after all. Once tonight was finished, he wouldn't have to worry about it again. Heck, he'll probably be able to look back and laugh at how silly it will turn out anyway. Surely, Trixie will buckle under the pressure he was used to being able to shrug off and he would come out smiling like roses.
Snorting confidently with his head held high, he snapped his fingers and, in a flash, his goats appeared by his side ready for orders.
"We better get going. Places like this like to," he gagged audibly, "pretty you up before a show. To wardrobe!" the minotaur commanded, thrusting a finger to the door, a snap echoing in the air as he did.
Saluting, his entourage spun around, and the oversized bull hopped daintily onto their backs, ready to face the inevitable.
-----
The Great and Powerful Trixie relaxed in the plush chair she noisily requested in front of the make-up mirror in the dressing room backstage. She watched meticulously as the curly-maned, salmon-colored unicorn stallion putting her together for the show brushed her mane and applied gentle touches of make-up to what was her already immaculate face.
It seemed like every few minutes, however, her attention was pulled away from her perfect reflection and found their way to that big, obnoxious oaf, Iron Will. How could she have let herself be sucked into such a predicament? Clearly, Top Billing must have manipulated the whole thing somehow just to try and make her look bad like everypony else. But she'll show them! It took a while, but she made a comeback and was just as sensational as ever!
Still, as long as she was going to be dealing with the windbag, even if only just once, perhaps she could use him. Trixie had been writing down some plans for a few new tricks on paper for a while now, but they required an extra bit of oomph that she just couldn't produce on her own. Iron Will was a rather large pony. Bull, whatever. Surely, with the right words – something of which Trixie was very, very good at – she could convince him to use those big, strong arms of his to...
Wait, why she complimenting him on his obviously powerful physique? Ugh, not again! Stop it!
Grunting in dismay, she addressed her stylist. "You know what the Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't understand?"
"What is it, sweetie?" he responded effeminately.
"Trixie is obviously the most amazing unicorn Equestria's ever seen. Perhaps you're unaware, but I got stuck performing side by side with some hack motivational speaker or something named Iron Will. He's such a boor that it's unbecoming of a true talent like myself to even be seen in the same room as him."
"What's your question, dear?" The stallion spritzed a dab of hair spray into her mane and continued to listen to Trixie's rant.
"Though it's nothing Trixie has to worry about, she can understand why he chose the career he did. No doubt he could probably get whatever he wanted if he put his mind to it instead of his mouth, and those muscles of his could be quite useful if he ever needed them to be," the magician calmly explained.
"Oooo-ooo! Sounds like somepony's got a certain stallion on the brain!"
Trixie's cheeks lit up and she scrunched her nose at the ridiculous insinuation. Almost stuttering incoherently, she sharply retaliated in a desperate attempt at defending her pride. "Oh, come on, that's preposterous! You should have seen him! He was nothing but a bag of hot air! It's almost like he thinks you can get what you want out of life by shouting loud enough at it! The Great and Powerful Trixie is above such idiocies! She got where she is today with her limitless talent, not by ogling burly hunks! Gah!"
She instantly slammed her hoof over her embarrassed lips, unable to fathom how such a thing slipped out of her mouth. The pink stallion shook his head. He was more than aware of what was going on. He had heard it plenty of times in this business from stronger mares than this one.
"I'm sure you know there's nothing wrong with that, sister," he replied with a playful nudge.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!"
"Uh huh."
"Be realistic! Trixie has always– "
A squeaky hinge cut the unicorn's argument off. They glanced over at the source to see Iron Will – from the shoulders down – and a pair of googly-eyed goats staring back at them through the open door. The minotaur hopped to the floor and paused once he spotted the two ponies already in the room. The tension in the air could have been cut with a knife. The magician and the bull exchanged nasty glares the second their eyes met. Unconcerned in the least with their personal issues, the stallion resumed his work and hovered a pair of scissors up to the magician, snipping off split ends here and there.
"You two head out. I'll see you during the show," Iron Will said to his assistants. Without a word, the goats continued their march down the hall. Turning back to the dressing room, the bull snarled his disapproval of her presence. "Iron Will was told this was where he was to be taken care of before this debacle got started. Why are you here?"
"This is Trixie's dressing room. Clearly, there must have been a mistake. Must be something going around lately," she deadpanned, playing on recent events. "Trixie saw another door just down the hall with a star on it like that one. Try there."
Irate at being shooed away like a common household pest, he yanked the door closed and quickly left, grumbling under his breath. At least he wouldn't have to worry about being near that brat while they dolled him up.
She did have a point though. This was the second screw up in as many days. Completely inexcusable! He'd have to have another word with Top Billing after this mess was over and done with. Not fifteen paces later, he arrived at said door and sure enough, it had a big yellow star on it. What do you know? Trixie was telling the truth. Who'd have guessed?
The room he found was too dark for him to see as he entered, and he fumbled around on the wall to his left looking for the light switch. Finding it after a moment, he flicked the lights on and stopped himself from taking another step inside. His relatively annoyance-free state of mind did an instant one-eighty upon taking in what he saw before him. Growling, he ferociously slammed the door shut, the impact sending a few things crashing to the floor behind it, and stomped his way back.
Whipping the dressing room's door open and barreling through, Iron Will made a beeline for the startled azure pony, an icy stare painted across his face.
"What are you doing? I already told you this was – hey, put me down!" Trixie shrieked as he effortlessly snatched her off her chair and away from the beautician, tucking her under his arm. She kicked and flailed as Iron Will unwillingly dragged her outside and down the hall. "He had those scissors right by my head! You could have poked one of my eyes out or something, you maniac! What the hay is wrong with you?!"
"Shuuut uuup," he groaned at the little blue banshee. It felt as if her shrill voice was going to cause his ears to start gushing blood at any moment.
"If you think Trixie is going to take part in whatever disgusting ideas you have swimming around in that empty head of yours of her own accord, you're crazy! Return me to my room this instant!" she hollered as they came to a halt in front of Iron Will's room.
With a thunderous kick, nearly tearing it off its hinges, Iron Will burst the door in to reveal a small, one-pony sized bathroom barely any bigger than a janitor's closet. Various cleaning supplies and toiletries laid scattered on the floor thanks to his earlier outburst.
"They put a star here?" Trixie remarked, still furious that she was being lugged around like a toy. "Another of this pathetic casino's foul ups! What, did you expect me to care about your problems if you brought me here?"
Before she could continue talking down to him, Iron Will thrust his face squarely into hers, their noses separated by maybe an inch. She could feel his hot, angry breaths tickling the short fur on her snout. A very, very small part of her couldn't deny that she kind of enjoyed the sensation that came with it.
The look in his eyes spoke volumes. If he wasn't a gentlecolt, he may have been tempted to send the mare straight to the moon, carried only by the category-five winds his lungs could contain. His glare into her soul was relentless, but still, she didn't budge.
"...What? Are you implying I had something to do with this?"
He replied with a throaty growl and nudged just a hair closer to her face.
"Get off your high horse! Where's your proof that– "
"How else would you know to send me to this door if you had nothing to do with it?!"
Alright, that much breath left a bit to be desired.
After a tense moment, she rolled her eyes and sneered, defeated. With her ploy having been discovered, the star glowed pink and poofed out of existence, revealing a small sign indicating a stallion's lavatory behind it.
"Sue me, I figured this was where all the crap on stage went," she admitted before suddenly finding herself falling onto the floor with a hard 'thud'. "Oof!"
The magician shook off the impact and screamed furious obscenities as Iron Will swaggered away. Seeing her insults roll off him like water off a duck's back, she snarled and got to her hooves. Frothing at the mouth, she followed the arrogant bull back to their dressing room, thinking of other more effective ways to give the big jerk a real piece of her mind.
As Trixie turned the corner and re-entered the dressing room, she witnessed Iron Will, with two folding chair that he must have grabbed from beside the wall securely in his grasp, violently kicking her small plush sofa into the wall with a single, hard attack. With the area clear, he set up his own more economical seats and flopped down onto the left one.
"What are you doing?! Do you have any idea what kind of a hassle it was to bring that here?!" Trixie snapped.
"I'm guessing 'none' since they probably brought it for you. Now sit down so we can get this over with."
Cringing at the commoner's chair sitting between her and the mangy beast, she tiptoed up to it and gingerly sat down. Ugh, it didn't even have any cushioning anywhere. How tacky!
Hoping they were past the worst, the two stars decided it best to simply try to ignore each other, sharing a wordless glance before looking away. Even so, the amount of tension and drama floating through the air continued to grow. Groaning, the chic stallion returned to trimming Trixie's mane, choosing not to stick his snout in their affairs. He wasn't about to stir up the hornet's nest sitting in front of him. Perhaps he could sit down with Gabby Gums and talk about this whole ordeal at some point in the future. That was undoubtedly sure to get a few laughs not to mention a few extra bits in his pocket.
Once satisfied with Trixie's hair, he took a fresh brush and swished it through Iron Will's mohawk, much to the minotaur's chagrin. This was no way for a real bull to be treated, what with all the sprays and scents and froo froo nonsense. After applying a polishing agent primarily used on hooves to a towel, the beautician aggressively waxed Iron Will's large horns until they shined glamorously under the mirror's lights.
In the back of the spacious room was a mostly empty clothing rack. Hanging from it was Trixie's hat and cape and a choice selection of ties. The stallion pranced over and studied each neck piece carefully, scoping for any loose threads or the tiniest of stains. As he fussed for several minutes deciding on the best one to pick, the two stage performers repeatedly gazed at each other through the eyes of their reflections.
Those several minutes were probably the longest they occupied the same space together without wanting to bite each other's heads off. If they could look into the thoughts of the other, however, they would likely have started arguing all over again. Despite the disdain they still felt, they tried their hardest to keep their cool. Anything to help make the night as tolerable as possible.
"Can't believe they made us share a dressing room," Trixie murmured, fidgeting in her uncomfortable seat as she opted to try and make somewhat civilized conversation.
"Yup. What's next? They going to try and make us share a suite or something?"
"Yickkkk! Don't. Even," the mare retched.
"Hey, Iron Will will have you know that no mare has ever been able to resist these!" He struck another of his trademark series of dramatic poses and flexes, not terribly interested in impressing the cheeky pony. In fact, it almost appeared as if he was most interested in impressing himself, as he smiled narcissistically at his own rippling muscles in the mirror.
Trixie grimaced painfully and looked away, mumbling to herself. "There's always a first."
Just as she finished snubbing him , the unicorn felt a powerful blow upside her head that threw her from the chair and landed her on the floor. Again.
So much for keeping their cool.
"You miserable cretin! You did that on purpose!"
The wild accusations brought Iron Will's flaunting to an immediate conclusion and angrily snapped him back to his senses. Enraged, he launched himself to his hooves and blasted back, "Don't be stupid! I've never hit a filly in my life, and I'm not going to start now!"
"Please stop it!" the stylist cried out as he brought over his selected tie. He grabbed hold of Iron Will's shoulders and slammed him back onto the seat, wrapped the garment firmly around his broad neck and chewed them out as he went, stunning the insufferable pair with his sudden bout of aggressiveness. "I saw the whole thing! It was an accident! Dear Celestia, listening to you two is giving me a headache! Now sit down, be quiet, and let me do my work!"
With a final adjustment to Iron Will's tie, the large gray stud grinned surprisingly at the little pink pony. "Hey, that was pretty good! You been to one of my workshops?"
"No!"
"Oh." The boastful bull wouldn't be deterred so easily. "Y'know, if you wanted, I could always use– "
"No!"
"Fine, fine."
Meanwhile, Trixie had managed to find her seat again, rubbing her head in the process. The throbbing would stop in a few minutes or maybe when Iron Will finally figured out how to shut his yap. Almost in tandem, as she got relatively comfortable again, her second most hated enemy rose and walked to the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" Trixie snapped.
He turned and faced her just before exiting. "I'm going to the little colt's room. What, do you want to come help me?"
Her face contorted in revulsion. She looked at him as if he didn't even bother to try making it to the bathroom and decided to do his business right there on the floor in front of her. She listlessly turned back to the mirror, barely able to keep her dinner down as she pictured the lummox taking her by the hoof and making her...
"Ugh, just go."
Not having asked permission anyway, Iron Will departed and left the sickened mare alone. Even if it was only for a few minutes, she relished every second he was gone. But, despite the momentary peace, she sighed in frustration. Tonight's performance was going to be a disaster, she just knew it. Her career was done. Completely over. And she'll have the Excoltibur to thank for that in just a short while.
The purple, starry hat and cape found their way onto her head and neck, guided by a faint green aura. "There," the coiffure uttered, "finally finished. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to find my boss and demand a raise."
Trixie glanced over her reflection as the stallion left in a hurry. He did certainly do some nice work. She didn't think it was possible, but she looked even more amazing than she usually did. Unfortunately, one thing nopony was able to do was make her feel amazing. Not right now. The last twenty-four hours had been some of the most mentally draining of her life. Not quite as bad as the day after her first and only visit to Ponyville, but still. She closed her heavy eyes and wished it would all just somehow undo itself. If only her magic was powerful enough to fix that, she'd be all set.
A slight tug on her cape brought her back to reality. She quickly turned and bore witness to a horror she would never have imagined up until now. Her eyes shrank and her jaw fell open at the sight of Iron Will drying his hands off with her magnificent cloak.
"Wh...wh-what are you doing?!" she gasped.
The now-damp cape fell lazily when he let go. Here and there on the fabric were a series of small spots where the cloth had absorbed the water.
"Turns out my 'dressing room' ran out of paper towels," he replied smugly.
"This cape is dry-clean only! I had it pressed this morning and you...y-you leave stains on it?! Are you insane?!" she roared at the top of her lungs. For a moment, she could have sworn she felt a blood vessel trying to force its way out her temple.
"It's. Just. Water! For crying out loud, the edge of the stage will be about fifteen feet away from the first row! Nopony will see it, the theater itself will be dark, and it'll be dry in five minutes anyway!" Iron Will argued.
"That's beside the point!"
As tempted as he was to yell right back, he was getting tired of defending himself to this minx. She's deserved everything she's received tonight, given the way she's acted! Jeez, why couldn't the evening be finished already?
Almost as if Celestia herself mockingly responded to his plea, a voice spoke up from the hallway. "Trixie and Iron Will?"
"What?!" they hollered together, swinging around to face the source.
A lemon-colored stallion with an olive green mane stood before them, carrying a clipboard and two headsets. He barely hid his annoyance at being yelled at by a couple of psychotic performers that he could probably hear halfway to Manehattan. It wasn't the first time that sort of thing had happened, and likely wouldn't be the last, but it was still difficult for him to simply brush off all the same.
About a half hour ago, Top Billing arrived at his intended destination for the evening: Backstage, so he could either watch his wildest dream come true or his worst nightmare unfold. He skittered anxiously back and forth as the opening act went on while the pair of pretentious pains in the posterior bickered in the dressing room. Fortunately, it was far enough away from the main stage that nopony in the audience would hear them.
When the doors had first opened, Top Billing's two assistants were nonchalantly hanging around the ticket booth, trying to blend in and act as if they were customers, per their boss' instructions. He needed them to hear what their guests were saying. Most of those had not been aware of the situation up until now and were whispering to each other, trying to figure out exactly what was going on. Little by little, mostly thanks to some whispered suggestions by his unicorn helpers, they decided to give the show a try. It wasn't every day that they got two feats of entertainment for the price of one.
"I don't care how you do it," Mr. Billing snarled at them earlier, "you get those ponies into that auditorium! Offer them a free sundae, twenty-five bits of free gambling chips, whatever! What kinds of numbers did you show anyway? How many tickets for each one of them were sold originally?"
"Trixie sold approximately seventy percent of her seats and Iron Will roughly sixty-five," his beige assistant informed him. "Individually, they didn't sell out, but together, they put us at about thirty-five percent over capacity. You realize, sir, that's a fire hazard."
Upon hearing their reports, he grumbled under his breath. He wasn't about to be forced to shell out even more refunds! Even though only about a dozen patrons had come to the counter demanding their money back – they had wanted to see only one of the two stars and didn't much care for the other – Top Billing could still feel a nervous twitch in his eye starting to develop every time he returned their bits.
"Look, get them to sit on each other's backs. Have them sit in the aisle, have them crowd surfing for all I care! Just don't lose any more!" he raged, his cheeks burning with anger.
"Well, it is a bit crowded, but so far, we haven't heard word of any complaints."
"Good. Let's hope the rest of the night goes as well."
However, Top Billing couldn't simply keep it cool. There was too much at stake for him to take that Friday night with a grain of salt. He snatched up a nearby chair and slammed his flank onto the seat, nervously bobbing a leg as he tried desperately not to sweat as if he was wearing ten layers of clothing in the desert at high noon.
At least the opening act was going rather smoothly. He had hired a local but well-known stand-up comic for the evening. He figured it was probably a smart idea to prepare the audience for the worst and give them at least one thing to smile about that night, provided what he was afraid of actually happened. It cost a few extra bits to get the stallion at the last minute, but he felt it needed to be done.
About halfway through the routine, Iron Will's two goats found Top Billing and came to a stop beside him. As usual, they didn't have much to say, but at least they were company, in a very odd way. If nothing else, he could rant and rave at them and they probably wouldn't talk back at him. To the director, they didn't seem to have the cognitive faculties for such things anyway.
It was only a few minutes before the stallion couldn't stand it anymore. The waiting was beyond nerve wracking. He opened his coat and yanked out his favorite tin flask, filled to the brim with the bourbon he enjoyed so much. Twisting the cap off with his teeth, he threw a mouthful of the sweet nectar down his throat and sighed a relieved breath. It's all he needed. All he would ever need.
Not wanting to come off as rude, he offered the billy goats a swig. The one directly next to him was the only one to even acknowledge it was there. Iron Will's cohort took him up on his offer by biting down into the tiny metal canteen and gobbling it up, nearly taking Top Billing's hoof off in the process. Once he saw that his hoof was fine, his head fell to the floor and a faint whine escaped him, his spirit crushed now that his trusty sidekick was in the belly of an unstoppable eating machine. A quiet 'hic!' was merely salt in the wound.
-----
The end of the comedian's act was rapidly approaching, according to Top Billing's diamond-encrusted watch. Two sets of hooves clip-clopped in from behind, taking his focus away from the overall entertaining experience on stage. Trixie and Iron Will came to a stop beside the antsy earth pony as quietly as he had ever seen them. He wasn't sure if it was nerves on their part or if they were mentally preparing the way they normally did or what not. All he knew was the time was at hoof.
"Please," he said, gazing at them with a touch of hostility in his eyes, "for all our sakes, don't screw this up."
They shared a look and left the promoter's side together, settling in behind the center of the majestic red curtain. The lights went off on the other side as the comedian bid the audience farewell to an orchestra of applause and cheers.
"Look," Iron Will finally spoke up, adjusting his headset, "you don't like me, and I don't much like you. So, how about we just...try and do this like mature, experienced professionals? It'll make the night go by smoother and then we can laugh about this in the morning, and we'll never have to deal with each other again."
"Agreed," Trixie bluntly said. "Who knows? If we pull this off, it could be a boost for both our careers." The little unicorn bit her lip and glanced away, narrowing her eyes. "So...who's stepping out first?"
"I ran into the master of ceremonies before I stopped by the dressing room and had him ready to queue up my intro song when we got started, so I guess I'll take the lead."
Ugh, that burned Trixie's britches! The pig-headed bull couldn't be a gentlecolt this one time and let the lady go first, huh? She ground her teeth behind her lips and took in a deep, cleansing breath. Had to remain calm. Had to remain mature, just like they said.
"Very well. We'll split everything down the middle as best we can."
"Sounds fine." A twinge of guilt from his earlier shenanigans suddenly crept up on the minotaur. What a time. With a curl of his lip, he asked, "Um, how's the cape?"
Flicking the cloak slightly, Trixie double checked the stains he so rudely left just recently. She barely shrugged, not wanting to admit she was wrong. "Looks alright. Don't see anything."
Iron Will nodded contently a moment before the loudspeakers blared out his powerful, heart-pumping song. "Here we go!"
"Fillies and gentlecolts," the M.C.'s voice echoed in the theater as a pair of spotlights engulfed the center of the stage, "the Excoltibur Hotel and Casino proudly presents the authority of assertiveness, the master of motivation, the king of confidence, Iron Will!"
A wave of thunderous stomps and hoots and hollers fired out from the excited crowd as the minotaur threw open the curtain and made his way to the right edge of the stage, flexing his massive upper body for his fans' enjoyment.
"But that's not all, folks!" the speakers blared again as his song continued to play. "Alongside the big bad bull, we have another amazing special guest! Allow us to present to you the show-stopping, the jaw-dropping, the Great and Powerful Trixie!"
In a burst of smoke and dazzling green and blue fireworks exploding in the air, the magical mare greeted the audience on the other side of the stage. Her own fans whistled and cheered as she bowed gracefully. She and Iron Will met together in the middle, blowing kisses and pointing fingers at various ponies in the crowd respectively.
Trixie's horn came alive and subtly moved her mic away from her face. "Alright, that song wasn't bad. Got the crowd worked up," she muttered to her counterpart.
"Iron Will must admit the fireworks were a nice touch," he replied.
Once the warm welcome had quieted down, Trixie shouted out to the audience, "How are you doing tonight, Las Pegasus?!" More praise erupted from the overstuffed arena.
"You know, Great and Powerful Trixie," Iron Will began, giving the unicorn momentary pause for getting her name correct, "Iron Will wouldn't be surprised if there were one or two ponies out there who weren't being completely honest with us!"
"What makes you say that, sir?"
The mighty minotaur took a single step backwards to allow a clear view of center stage. Though they didn't have a game plan drawn out, he figured Trixie would need some room to perform some of her feats of magic. He just hoped they'd be able to work off each other, at least fairly well, on the fly. Their fans deserved a good show; they paid a lot of money to see them.
"Ponies come to Las Pegasus to have fun, and Iron Will knows firsthand how much fun it is winning at the casino!"
A bright flash of magic popped into existence between them. In front of the stunned crowd was a sizable pile of shining bits, courtesy of the magical mare. "Well, who wouldn't want to get their hooves on a jackpot like Trixie?" she asked, resting a hoof on her chest with fake modesty and getting a chuckle from the audience. "Or like these bits here, I suppose."
The fans ooh'ed and aah'ed as the large sum of money sat in plain sight, begging to be rolled around in.
"Exactly! And you want to know what can be the most heart-wrenching of all?" he asked, grabbing a large majority of the bits in his large biceps. A few here and there slipped from his grasp and rattled against the wood floor of the stage. Grunting, the minotaur launched the bits into the air. The reflection of the spotlights on the little metal discs made them look like stars twinkling in the night sky as they soared toward the crowd, much to their amazed delight.
Catching onto what Iron Will was doing quickly, a small grin found Trixie's face. Give the ponies something they want, and then take it away, leaving them wanting even more, all while doing your thing on stage. Clever.
Turning on her magic, the bits glowed one by one and disappeared with a quiet pop as the fans reached out for their unexpected treasures. Their disappointed moans were quickly replaced with gasps of awe and wonder as what used to be bits burst into a shower of randomly colored sparks and flares.
"Seeing your hard earned bits go up in smoke?" Trixie replied.
"Nothing worse!" Iron Will fired back.
Out of sight of the crowd, Top Billing's troubled sneer had slightly melted away. He watched the talent's introduction and they...seemed to be getting along rather well. In fact, they seemed to be working off each other's strengths, almost as a single unit. Granted, only a few minutes had passed, but if this was just a preview for the rest of the show, then things were going to turn out even better than expected! Why, if they pulled this off, his already illustrious career could skyrocket even further! He could see it now! The stallion who brought together two of the biggest egos in Equestria and got them to work together in harmony! Maybe they could make a movie out of his story? As the wild ideas bounced around in his head, a hopeful, almost giddy, smile slowly crept across his face.
"Picture it," the loud half-bull said to his audience, pointing aggressively at random ponies, "you're on the train ride home after a weekend of disastrous gambling! You've practically lost your shirt! You finally get home and tell your spouse the bad news!"
Iron Will suddenly locked eyes with The Great and Powerful Trixie, giving her a subtle nod. Apparently, he wanted her to continue his act. Alright, she'll play along.
"Dear, Iron Will sort of had some bad luck in Las Pegasus. I lost about half of our money," he boldly stated at his 'wife' without a hint of the natural apprehension that would befall anypony else in such a situation.
She casually conjured a megaphone from thin air and hovered it in front of her muzzle. Clearing her throat and inhaling deeply, she screamed at her other half like she had wanted to deep down since meeting him in the first place. The speakers whined painfully from the reverb.
"How could you lose half of our life savings, you moron! That money was going to our kid's college fund!"
Trixie's megaphone disappeared into nothing, leaving a flabbergasted crowd and bull to gawk at her while she smiled widely at her rival. It took a lot of her strength not to shudder in glee, knowing she had to have knocked Iron Will's ego down a few pegs by outdoing him at his own game.
"Dang, she's good," the minotaur whispered before quickly composing himself, donning his usual no-nonsense scowl. "Iron Will's advice? Stay proud and strong, cuz you did nothing wrong!"
In a second, Iron Will was in full retaliation mode. He darted over to Trixie, demonstrating his excuse for such unfathomable actions. He unique style of articulation whipped Trixie's hair and hat back and nearly pulled her cheeks off her face.
"I work hard to provide for this family and deserve some 'me' time!"
After straightening herself out, the azure mare stared at the minotaur in disbelief as he grinned smugly at her. Did he really suggest to scream at your spouse because you lost a bunch of their money? That's ridiculous! She narrowed her eyes at him. She could feel her self-control slipping away again, and this time, she didn't care.
She lifted an eyebrow at the audience and shot back. "Ladies, I don't know about you, but if Trixie's stud came home one day and yelled at me like that, it'd take a lot of wining–"
A bottle of wine and a pair of expensive crystal glasses appeared between them, the beverage pouring itself.
"–and dining–"
The alcohol floated over to a sudden solid oak dining room table, complete with some of Equestria's most luxurious dinnerware and a, expensive, bright red tablecloth adoring its surface, and set themselves down by the small ceramic vase holding a single rose in the center. On either side of the table, a feather-soft pillow of royal purple laid on the floor, where Trixie walked over and took a seat on, wiggling her rump comfortably into the heavenly seat.
"–to win back some brownie points with me." She took a sip of the delectable wine. Mmm! She'd have to bring the bottle back later for herself after the show. Trixie continued, "Because if he didn't, he may find himself–"
The table disassembled itself panel by panel, each piece of wood surrounded by her pinkish magical aura, and made their way over to Iron Will, who was standing watching in awe at the unicorn's display. He wasn't a wielder of magic himself, but he couldn't help but be fascinated by what you could do with it, given enough training. The wood balanced itself on the floor lengthwise and stacked on both sides of the bull, forming a doorway of sorts. The tablecloth wrapped itself loosely around Iron Will's neck and formed a bow behind his head. He wasn't sure what Trixie was doing, but he highly doubted she would try anything malicious on stage in front of a few hundred ponies. Finally, the last of bits of wood, some of which needed to be conjured for the prank to work, came together and formed what appeared to be the front of a house of some sort.
"–in the dog house," Trixie quipped, putting on a mean little smirk over how ridiculous Iron Will looked with his new decorations.
Growling under his breath, he tore the bow off and stepped out from his new home, all the while glaring angrily at the pint-sized pain in the flank. How dare she make a mockery of his priceless advice! He bit his lip, remembering that he had to keep it together, no matter how difficult Trixie was going to make it.
"Even if that is the case, Iron Will always has a back-up plan. So, now you need to start reacquiring your finances. 'What's the easiest way to go about that' you may ask! Iron Will says it's time to demand a raise at work!"
The Great and Powerful Trixie could only glare at the idea. "A raise?"
"Indeed!"
"Why would your job give you more money if you just squandered a bunch of it?" A valid point, she figured.
"Who says they would know about it?" he said with a wink to the fans. "Iron Will is willing to bet you all work very hard, and you probably believe that you're not as appreciated as you should be!"
A few 'yeah!'s and 'that's right!'s called out from the crowd in response.
"And you probably work for a pony who would chew you out over nothing! The next time something like that happens, Iron Will says: 'Somepony gets in your face, put them in their place!'"
Without a hint of warning, Trixie once again found herself on the receiving of a word tornado, throwing her off her hooves and onto the hard floor. "Wah!"
"I work too hard for too little and I demand respect!"
Trixie rubbed her ears and stared as she sat on the floor, trying to get what was left of her hearing back.
"There is no need to feel like a doormat anywhere you go, fillies and gentlecolts!" Iron Will asserted as Trixie propped herself up again, rubbing the flank that she landed on and snarling at the gray oaf. "Never let anypony else push you around, and you'll gain the confidence and self-respect to do anything you put your mind to!"
The audience exploded in a chorus of cheers and whoops and hollers at Iron Will's seemingly sensible suggestions, and as a sign of gratitude, he flexed his impressive muscles every which way and then raised a hand to his ear, egging the crowd on further. Aw yeah! He was in the zone as always!
"Mmmm, somepony stop me!" he cried out.
"Well, Iron Will," a voice called out beside him, "if you really insist, The Great and Powerful Trixie will honor your request."
Once the minotaur's noisy admirers piped down, Trixie cleared her throat and continued her on-the-fly routine. "If you consider yelling at your boss a good way to command respect, then Trixie wouldn't be surprised if you got–"
In a massive puff of smoke, one of the magician's more complicated spells brought out a box with four legs attached to each other at the bottom. Forking out along the floor from the long side of the box was a structure cradling a large blade that was held high and in place by a lever. If Trixie were to pull it, the latch securing the blade would have fell toward the wood carton below, slicing it down the middle.
"–the axe! Muahahaha!" she cackled with an entertainer's flair, launching a few random bolts of illusionary lightning across the stage for added effect.
The response to the bizarre contraption was a mix of fear and interest. Several ponies cringed while the faces of others lit up, curious as to what she was up to. This could be fun or maybe really nasty if she fouled something up!
"Since our friend here is so confident that his words would have no dire consequences, why don't we have him volunteer?" Trixie offered without hesitation, zapping Iron Will with a beam of her magic. When the smoke cleared, there he stood in a skin-tight pink leotard with a frilly tutu skirt around his waist. The half-bull shrieked in horror before staring death at The Great and Powerful Trixie.
Muffled snickers squeaked out from the mouths of several of the fans as soon as they caught a glimpse of the ridiculousness going on up on stage. Little by little, the entire assembly came together in uproarious laughter, further infuriating Iron Will. With teeth bared, he roared and shredded the insane garment off in one fell swoop, slamming it onto the floor. In a heartbeat, he flashed his enraged glare at the heckling crowd and, just as quickly as they began to laugh, they were silenced.
'Don't do anything rash,' he thought to himself through all his burning anger. 'It's just part of her act. You can get through this!'
Unaffected by his momentary hate, Trixie continued having her fun. "Aw, Iron Will, you're such a spoilsport, and pink was so your color! Very well. Trixie will just need a volunteer from the audience, and rest assured, this trick is perfectly safe." She quickly skimmed over the ponies in the first few rows and pointed at a faint brown stallion with a grassy green mane. "You in the second row! Trixie calls upon you for assistance!"
"M-me?"
"Yes! Come on up, it'll be fun!"
Though the stallion was a bit unsure, a few reassuring pats on the shoulders – along a wink and a nudge – from his friends coaxed him into going up. He waved at those in the auditorium to the tune of some light applause for his bravery and approached the brash mare.
"Now you're sure this thing is safe?" he asked.
"Of course it is. Trixie wouldn't lie to her fans, after all." The irony was, unfortunately, lost on her.
"Actually, err, I came to see Iron Will tonight." He earned an irritated frown for his remark.
"Oh, whatever."
Any further insults she would have thrown at the fan were cut off before they began thanks to a snickering she heard coming out from over the loudspeakers. Only one pony in the studio could have laughed at her like that!
"Is there something I can do for you, sir?" she snarled at Iron Will, badly disguising her contempt.
Iron Will didn't even bother to look up from examining his fingernails in the mocking manner he was trying to sell when he answered her question. "It's just that Iron Will would think with as much talent and magic as you have that you would be willing to skip using a third party in such a device."
"What exactly are you suggesting? That The Great and Powerful Trixie use herself in one of her tricks?"
"Well...yeah," he replied, grating on her last nerve with his smug grin.
She could feel her lip curling into a rabid sneer on its own. He was doing this on purpose! She just knew it!
"Alright," the mare snarled through her teeth, "Trixie will perform this feat of magic herself, if it'll shut you up."
The light brown unwilling volunteer sat on the stage, unsure of what to do. Would he be needed after all? Eh, may as well hang out just in case. He watched as Trixie angrily threw open the box to be split in half, glaring right through the arrogant bull only a few feet away. Once Trixie closed the door and crunched herself into the single compartment, dangling a set of fake azure hooves out the other side, the minotaur spoke up yet again.
"I mean, if you honestly don't believe you can do it, it's not like anypony will call you a 'David Mane' or a 'Criss Stable' or something," he remarked.
Trixie froze up before she could begin her trick, her boiling point having been reached. She gritted her teeth so hard, she feared for a moment she would break them. Spittle flew from her mouth, and she shook violently with rage.
"Nnnnnnnghhh!"
The theater-goers heard her outburst wail over the loudspeakers. Their jovial attitudes were instantly replaced by confusion and worry. They weren't the only ones who caught wind of Trixie's caterwauling. Top Billing's optimism had slowly been disintegrating ever since he started seeing them begin to bicker on stage, even just a little.
"Ohhhh no. Nonononono, please, no!" he muttered.
The bladed construct vanished into thin air, leaving only a steaming mad mare in its place. She stomped up to the obnoxious behemoth wearing the scope of her temper on her face.
"How dare you compare The Great and Powerful Trixie to those...those...second-rate hacks!" she howled at the top of her lungs.
"And how dare you to obviously criticize my methods which have proven effective time and again! I've lost track of how many ponies have come up to me some time after seeing a show of mine and gushing about how Iron Will's words have helped turn their life around!" Iron Will shot back, his own blood pressure quickly rising.
"Don't even go there! Trixie is an incredible magician! The biggest stage presence in Equestria! Putting her in the same weight class as those twits is a disservice to unicorns everywhere! David Mane's cheap parlor tricks are barely above pulling a rabbit out of a hat! And Criss Stable? Anypony who honestly thinks he has any talent whatsoever is a complete and utter moron! You know how he likes to fly around the stage and all as part of his act? You want to know why he can fly? He's a freaking pegasus!"
"I-I kinda like Criss Stable..." the guest stallion muttered loud enough for them to hear.
"Shut up!" they screamed.
"O-Okay..."
Their icy gazes turned back to each other after venomously dismissing the rude pony. Couldn't he see they were working out some creative differences? With each insult, they drew closer and closer to each other until their snouts were barely an inch apart. All the while, Top Billing looked on in horror as his night, and possibly career, came tumbling down. The guests weren't sure if their ranting was part of the show or not and watched utterly baffled.
"At least I don't have to worry about smoke and mirrors to get my message across!"
"Better than screaming at ponies who may actually have a good reason to hate you in the first place!"
"Like almost getting them killed?!"
"Or treating them like jerks!"
"No-talent, pea-brained valley mare!"
"Half-baked mutant loudmouth!"
"Whiny brat!"
"Smelly fleabag!"
They stared down each others' noses, their eyes channeling every last bit of hate into the other's soul. The hairs on the backs of their necks stood up. They were in attack mode, ready to go in for the kill. Simultaneously, they paused, ready to give their opponent the thrashing of a lifetime...
...and tackled each other onto the floor, Iron Will's massive form crashing on top of the comparatively small mare, their tongues tearing into each other and their hands and hooves rubbing wildly along whatever bits of fur and flesh they could grab onto.
Everypony in the theater went silent at the bizarre turn of events; one could have somehow heard a pin drop on the carpet below their hooves if not for the grunts and moans coming from the middle of the stage as the two showboaters ferociously made out.
"Take Trixie! Take Trixie now!" the mare snarled between slobbery kisses.
The surprised minotaur held himself up and looked over the shocked crowd, a bit unsure if he should proceed with her steamy request. "What, right here in front of everypony?"
"What's wrong, Iron Will? Trixie thought you were a big bull!" she snapped between heavy breaths.
"Iron Will is the biggest thing in Equestria!" he hollered, proudly throwing a fist into the air, almost daring anypony from the audience to say otherwise.
A faint pink glow grabbed onto the stud's tie and yanked him back down. "You better be!" she hissed as she forced their lips together once more.
Low murmurs and groans swept across the entirety of the crowd while the heated pair's hormones spun out of control. Slowly but surely, one refund after another made their way down the aisles and out the double doors on each side of the room, muttering their distaste for the way their evenings turned out. Well, their roughly twelve minutes anyway.
"Absolutely disgusting!"
"Three hundred bits for this?"
"Knew I should have gone to a whorsehouse..."
"Come on, Harold, we're leaving!...Stop staring!"
"Yes, dear."
Top Billing watched vacantly from beside the stage, his mouth hanging open in silent disbelief. Iron Will's troops didn't seem to have any response one way or the other. A pathetic sigh squeaked out of the crestfallen director as he could feel his career going straight down the drain. At least he could retire comfortably?
"Well, I've seen enough," he mumbled to himself. He glanced to the empty-headed goats standing next to him. "Want to get something from the buffet?"
"Baaa."
The three turned and headed out. As the theater continued to empty from all sides, Trixie and Iron Will paid no mind to ruckus they had caused, far too lost in their own carnal desires to care. A lone green firework suddenly whistled into the air, popping lazily overhead.
