When a gamer pony has to save his friends from the equestrian wasteland, what does he do? Become a merc. Because friends can wait
Port Jumper and his friends were going on a normal vacation to fillydelphia. But then the war got in the way. After entering Stable 35, Port and his friends enter these capsule's that put them to sleep for a couple of centuries. After waking up, Port finds that all of his friends are gone, and after leaving the stable, he goes off to search for them. In the meantime however, he needs money. Luckily, the wasteland offers a new kind of job, with guns. Credit to luckybreak for the amazing cover art. go look at his other stuff. http://cobbzero.deviantart.com
(this is my first fic, and i decided to do this to see if I was a good writer. Constructive criticism is accepted and actually encouraged. Thank you for reading this and I hope you like it.)
Hello there. My name is Port Jumper. I am a pegasus from Ponyville. I used to live a normal everyday life in Ponyville. I didn’t have a job, but I lived with some friends, and tried to help out as best I could. I loved living in Ponyville. Everypony knew each other and everypony was happy. I kept hearing that Equestria was at war, but I didn’t pay attention to it.
Then the bombs fell. I remember the day second by second. I was on a bus going to Fillydelphia. My best friend Kami, a dark blue pegasus like me, with black mane and light brown eyes, was talking to me about anime. He always talks to me about anime. Hell he has a ninja mask as his cutie mark. He got it by trying to break into somepony’s house for some unknown reason. “For the lolz” he said. He actually got to watch quite a bit before the unicorn caught him. After that, he came up to me and said, “Let us never speak of this again.”
Anyways, while he was rambling on about some anime I’ve never heard of, I was staring out the window of cart and started thinking about the war. As a sophomore in Ponyville High, I really shouldn’t care about it, I should just go out and have fun since I was young. But I thought about everything that happened. Big Macintosh dying because he took a bullet to save Princess Celestia, the massacre of the children at Little Hoof, and the ministries going crazy.
While I was thinking, my friend Shokka was keeping Kami busy. Shokka is definitely the oldest of everypony going on this trip, so he’s the one paying for it. Also he is the only unicorn that came with us. He has an orange coat and black mane, and his cutie mark was a quill, because he was a writer, but he mostly wrote stories for anime, sometimes just for Kami.
As they were talking about their anime of the week, I went back to thinking about the war, then I felt a hoof on my shoulder. It was my friend Trebly. She patted my back as if saying, don’t worry, we’ll be fine. I gave her my smile. She was always good at making me feel better. She was grey, with a dark brown mane. She was probably the most optimistic of the group, and was considered the most fit. She was also arguably the most immature out of the group.
“Hey port” Shokka said, “look over here.” As I looked outside, I saw that we we’re nearing Rambling Rock Ridge. Yay, I thought. We’re halfway there.
"Well, at least we’re making good time” said Trebly, staring out the window as well. Kami was being unusually silent, just looking at the floor and messing with his glasses. Well since we were the only four on this train car, which I don’t know why, I asked if everypony was okay if I played some game music. They said they didn’t mind, so I decided to play something random on my ipony. Turn’s out it was pineapple smash crew. Fuck yeah. Love this them.
“Awwwwwwwww yeah” Shokka said.
“Did you just channel your inner Rainbow Dash” I said.
“Yep.”
“I freaking knew it.”
Suddenly Kami exclaimed, “When we get to fillydelphia I call sleeping in the bathtub” Everypony stared a Kami. “What? You guys want beds don’t ya?"
I facehoofed. “That doesn’t mean you sleep in the bathtub. Dear celestia what if Trebly has to piss?"
“Well I’ll just get up for a sec and wait for her to be finished and then go back in”
“Damn it Kami” I said quickly “Why do you always plan this stuff out”
Before Kami could say anything, we heard a announcement over the intercom
“ATTETION EVERYPONY. WE ARE MAKING A UNSCEDULED STOP AT RAMBLING ROCK RIDGE. PLEASE STAY CALM AND IN YOUR SEATS. WE APOLGIZE FOR THE INCONVINICE.”
“Great” I said, rolling my eyes. “Just when I thought we’d be there by tonight.”
Trebly looked at me. “Well think of it this way,” she said to everypony “at least we get to look at something else.”
“What a pile of rocks?” Kami said. He seemed almost as annoyed as I was, although he didn’t try to hide it.
“Hey I’m the one paying for most of this,” Shokka said, standing up “and I think this is a good way to get the most out of our bits.” Then the train stopped.
"Well we’re here.” I said, looking at the ridge. “We might as well look around since we’re here.” We all stepped out of the car. “Well,” I said, “lets go look at some rocks.” But nopony else moved forward.
I decided to fly up to see what was keeping us. Then a shot rang out, nearly hitting my wing. I saw a unicorn hovering his rifle with smoke coming out of it. Everypony gasped, including me. Somepony had almost shot me, and it wasn’t even a zebra
“Stay down civi. If I see anypony else move from this line, I won’t miss” I flew back down in line
“Who does that pony think he is.” Kami said. “I should go over there and-.”
Shokka interrupted him mid sentence. “I’m pretty sure pissing off the pony with a gun ISN’T a good idea.”
“I’m gonna have to agree with Shokka.” Trebly said, looking at me “but first, are you ok Port?”
I sighed. “Yeah I’m fine. Just startled a bit.”
Then the pony that shot at me got on a speaker. “Alright everypony listen,” he said in an actually calm voice. “Everypony stay calm and follow me and these troops. We are taking you to Stable 35. You will stay there until the area is clear. Nopony say a word. Let’s go.” And so everypony moved in a line with the troops.
“Hey Kami.” I whispered.
“What?”
“Guess you aren’t sleeping in the bathtub after all.” I said with a smirk. Kami facehoofed.
“Damn it your right.” Then we approached a tunnel.
“So this is stable-tec’s way of protecting us,” Trebly said.
“I guess so.” Shokka replied.
“Well this gives me a lot of hope.” Trebly sighed.
“Meh. Its not so bad.” I said trying to be the optimist.
Suddenly an alarm went off in the tunnel. Everypony turned to the noise. Then we heard a grinding metal sound. Then a door flew open and we saw inside the inside of the stable. As we marveled at the inside of the stable, the army pony ordered everyone inside. Then he started handing us papers. I got mine first. It read SECTION 14, CAPULSE 1. Then Kami got his, then Shokka, then Trebly. As we looked at each other’s, we found out we all have the same sector. Then we made our way to section 14, as we heard the stable’s door close.
As we were making our way there, Kami said “I wonder if this section has a bathtub.”
I looked at him annoyed. “Are you still on about that?”
“Yes”
I smiled. There was something about Kami that made him my best friend. We were two completely different ponies, yet we got along perfectly.
“Well, it couldn’t hurt if he slept in the tub.” Shokka said. “I don’t care either way.” Once we entered the section, all we saw were capsules.
“Well, looks like you aren’t sleeping in the bathtub Kami” I said smirkingly.
“Awwwwwwwww” Kami said, with a sad look on his face.
Then an intercom came on in our room. “Welcome to Stable 35, pony. You are in section 14. If this your designated sector, please go stand by your capsule.” We all looked at each other.
“Well we might as well do what it says,” Shokka said. So we all stood by our own capsule. The voice on the intercom came back “You will now open up your capsule and step inside of it, after that you will sleep until an administrator disable’s the capsule or until your designated time is up. Every capsule in section 14 has automatic wake up period 200 years from now. Thank you and enjoy your stay”
“Well Shokka,” I said, “you’re pretty much the one paying, should we go in”
“Hm……………” Shokka was in deep thought.
“I think we should go in,” Trebly suddenly piped up. “It shouldn’t be that long until the war is over. We might as well go in and make it quicker.”
“That’s, actually a good idea” Shokka replied. “What do you think Port?"
I looked at them and replied, “I don’t care, whatever you guys want to do. As long as we’re all together I’m fine with whatever we do.” “
Alright,” Trebly nodded. “And what about you Kami?"
There was no answer.
"Kami? Kami? Where in Celestia did he go?"
Then we heard a capsule open. We saw Kami about to enter it, but before he did he said, “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather sleep than get shot. I’m going in. Good night guys.” Then his capsule closed.
“Well fuck it. I’m gonna go ahead and go into mine now. See you guys when we wake up” Shokka said as he entered his capsule, leaving Trebly and me alone.
“Well, I guess we’re going in” I said.
"Yep.” Trebly replied. “Hopefully this works out well, and if things go bad, we at least have each other.” I smiled. That mare could make me happy even when I was in my most depressed mood. “Well here’s to a successful sleep” I said. We both brohoofed before we entered our separate capsules. The last thing I remember is that sonic colors final boss phase 2 was playing, the world becoming dark, and Trebly smiling at me. Then darkness washed upon me. And I slept. And slept. And slept.
Fallout equestria: Eternal sleep. Chapter 1 “He’s like a kid with a gun. And an entire grasp on every curse word in the entire equestrian language” {BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.}
I awoke to the sound of alarms ringing in my ear. I moaned trying to tune them out.
“Just five more minutes” I muttered in my sleep. “I’ll be up in a sec Kami.”
Unfortunately for me, the alarms didn’t stop. In fact, I swear to Celestia they got louder. Kami must either be pranking me, which frankly, isn’t out of the ordinary, or it must be really important. Either way, it’s not going to stop until I get up.
“Alright, alright, I’m going.” As I got out of bed, I got a rather rude yet quick reminder that I was in a capsule and not a bed. As my face fell out to the floor, I muttered a very light “Ow.” After recovering from the sudden drop, I got up and said “Alright Kami you got me. Now what do you want?”
I expected a rather sarcastic reply, Kami seemed to enjoy those, but instead all that I got was the continuous alarm.
“Come on Kami turn that damn alarm off. I’m already up.” The alarm continued to sound off. “C’mon man its not funny anymore. Now turn that off and tell me what you want.” I still got no response.
“Fuck it. I’ll ask Shokka instead. Hey Shokka? Can you turn this damn alarm off?” I still got no answer. I thought to myself, this better be fucking important. Like, Trebly getting a new French horn recital or Shokka getting the best idea for a story line important. That or Kami is planning a REALLY elaborate prank and gotten everypony involved. Probably the latter, since Kami likes to be a dick to me a lot.
“For the love of celestia will somepony turn that fucking alarm off?” I said. And then a sudden realization hit me. Nopony else was in the room. Damn it, I thought as I mentally facehoofed. Why didn’t I realize this earlier? All right, I was convinced. Kami was pulling the strings with this. He must’ve snuck in to the maintenance room and rigged the alarm while everypony else went to go get something. Whatever. I’ll just look for them. I opened the stable door and stepped out into the main hall.
“Trebly? Shokka? Kami? Hello?” I yelled out. I instead got the same answer. That fucking alarm. At that point the sound became so annoying I wanted to kick the damn wall. Next time I see Kami I’m gonna kick his flank so hard that-
“Hey! Somepony turn off that fucking alarm.” Thank you. Finally somepony had some in this stable. I’ll ask him where my friends were, I thought to myself. At the very least Kami, so I can kick him square in the muzzle. Maybe that was a tiny bit overkill, but at this point I didn’t care. I was really pissed at this point. Besides, maybe this pony could help me turn off this alarm (or show me the way, because I forgot where the maintenance room was.)
As I approached the voice, I came to another realization. I forgot my ipony in my sector. Also there was something on my right forhoof. As I pulled it up it showed many weird shapes and symbols, all in different categories. I decided to look a t it later, and continued on my way to greet the other pony.
“Hello there fellow member of Stable 35. I would like to ask for your help in turning this-“ my speech was cut off by the mere sight of this pony. He was light grey with a spiked green mane. He had a shotgun in what appeared to be a saddle and a pistol in his mouth. His cutie mark seemed to be a skull on fire. But the worst part about this pony is that he was covered in something red. He put the pistol in his saddle and opened the door to another section of the stable.
“Ah what do we have here? Four more pre-war ponies.” Pre-war? The fuck did that mean? “Hey Jobbs! We four more useless shits in here.” The fuck is he talking about?
“I’ll be there in a minute ya fuckwad!!” the pony that I assumed was Jobbs called out. I heard Jobbs from the other end of the hall. I really didn’t want to meet Jobbs, she sounded really pissed. I didn’t know if she was armed, but I didn’t want to take chances. I decided to walk back into my section and hide. I’m a coward, so sue me. Unfortunately I didn’t get very far until I got to meet Jobbs. I guessed I sat there longer than I thought.
“Well what do we have here?” Jobbs, a bright red unicorn with a short blonde mane, said. “Hey fuckwad, we got a spy!!” Ok, first off, how the fuck do I look like a spy? And second off, is this stallion’s name really fuckwad? Who name’s there colt fuckwad? I mean seriously, what pony does that? I started to think deeper into that, but a pistol whip to the face brought me back to reality.
I was in pain. “Ow, that hurt ya fucking bitch.” No shit self, I thought in my mind. You just got pistol whipped in the head. Of course it fucking hurts.
Well, I thought, since I’m going to die, I might as well be a smartass while I do it. I waited for the grey pony to come over to where I was l lying. “Hm………Jobbs you fucking idiot! This isn’t a spy! This is a slave that you almost killed! Now go back with the other’s and get more slave’s!”
Jobbs shouted, “Fine ya fuckwad! Don’t come crying to me when we get fucked in the ass by other slavers!” Jobbs then ran back to the hall, and I’m assuming up the stairs, because I heard somepony running the floor above fuckwad and me? I still didn’t know his name. Eh fuck it, I thought. I’ll find out later what his name is.
“Alright ya piece of shit. Get the fuck off the ground and keep fucking moving.” The stallion said. You know what, fuck it, I thought. This guys name to me is fuckwad to me. He certainly acted like a fuckwad, so this guys name is fuckwad. Anyway, fuckwad help (more like forced) me get up, and I was about to start walking when my paper that the soldier gave me when I went to sleep. The stallion gasped, which got my attention.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
He spoke quietly, but loud enough for me to hear him. “Are you from section 14?”
“Yes. Why?”
He then punched my face with his hoof. I swear to Celestia that one of my teeth flew out of my mouth. The pain came right after the contact. I held my face, and thought my mouth and muzzle were bleeding. “Dude!! The Fuck is wrong with you?!?!?!” I shouted
Fuckwad looked really pissed. “So your one of the escapees from section 14 aren’t you?”
“Dude,” I said, still holding muzzle. “I have no idea what the fuck your talking about!”
The alarm noise seemed to intensify, which didn’t help my current situation. Not only were my mouth and muzzle bleeding, but now my ears were bleeding as well.
The stallion started yelling. “You fucking worthless piece’s of shit almost got me killed! You know what, you aren’t even good enough for slave work. I’m gonna save everypony trouble and kill you worthless piece of shit right fucking now! And after that I will personally look for everypony that was in that section and make them suffer until they choke on their own blood!”
Ok, what the fuck is wrong with this guy? Seriously, why is this guy so fucking pissed at my friends? And why do I feel like killing him? I’ve never felt like killing anypony (except in pony fortress 2, fucking spies). But this pony made me want to see his fucking head get blown off.
“all of them except the mare.” Oh hell no. He is not-“she’s, she’s gonna die slowly. First the cunt will-“ He did NOT just call Trebly a cunt. “-run into the room, then the gas will hit her, then she’ll feel pain like she’s never felt before. And I will fuck her so hard right before she dies she will-“ FUCK. NO.
“Hey!!” I shouted over the alarm. “Let me tell you one thing Fuckwad”
Fuckwad stopped narrating and looked at me with pissed-looking eyes. “NOPONY.CALLS ME. FUCKWAAAAAAAAD!” He then proceeded to fire his shotgun at me. I somehow got out of the way just in time. I had made up my mind. I was going to murder this fucker. I don’t care if Twilight Sparkle herself had to stop me. This pony was going to die.
I stood up and for a second I thought, I’m probably going to die. However I did have two advantages. One, and the most crucial one to help me, is that I was fucking pissed. And two, even though we we’re in a building, is that I was a Pegasus. This guy was an earth pony. I might be able to at least escape from his wrath. And then I remembered what he would do to my friends. What he would do to Trebly. And then, I got a feeling I’ve never felt before. Pure unbridle rage. I flew straight towards fuckwad while he was reloading, and without thinking, kicked him straight in the jaw.
Fuckwad then took a couple of steps back, and then shouted “Your gonna pay for that ya little shit!” He then fire his shotgun again, this time completely unloading it trying to hit me. He was a piss poor shot, every shot he missed. As he reloaded, I saw my chance to hit this fucker again. I flew up towards the roof, and dived as fast as I could straight into his back. Apparently I can fly faster than I remembered, because Fuckwad slammed down on the floor. I could’ve sworn I heard his spine crack, but he didn’t act like it.
“I.AM.GOING TO. FUCKING MURDER YOU!!”
Then something snapped inside me, it caused me to smile. I thought of what I was doing to this guy. It was wrong, and I could be thrown in jail, or executed. But I didn’t care at this point. This guy was going to die.
I then got a rude snap back to reality via Fuckwad head-butting me into the wall. I felt all the pain from the fight come back. Except it was ten times worse. As I looked up, I saw Fuckwad tower over me, and he actually looked quiet menacing.
“I have to admit kid, your not too bad. Given some training and you could be one of the best damn slavers out there. But now your future is over kid. I’ll kill you, and I’ll find your friends. And I’ll kill them. So say goodnight kid, and see ya in hell.” Then as he pulled out his pistol he muttered, “Oh, and I’ll make sure to take care of that mare of yours.”
As he went to grab his pistol, I thought, well this is it. I’m going to die. Kami continue sneaking into things, Trebly will continue playing her French horn, and Shokka will keep writing anime. And I’ll just die, and they’ll forget about me. I’ll never see them again. I looked up and saw the barrel of the pistol stare down at me. Well, I’m gone.
BOOOOOM.
A random explosion went off in the other hall. Fuckwad turned around quickly. “The hell was that?!” He was distracted for a minute. That’s all I needed. I kicked Fuckwad’s face and made him drop his pistol. As Fuckwad tried to recollect himself, I picked up the pistol with my mouth and then realized something. I didn’t know how to fire this thing. The first, and probably stupidest, idea that I had was to pull the trigger with my tongue. I aimed right at Fuckwad’s head and put my tongue on the trigger. I fired the gun. The recoil of the damn gun almost made me drop it. I thought more of my teeth fell out. Then I looked straight at Fuckwad. He wasn’t moving.
“Holy celestia, did I just kill somepony?” I said out loud. I knew my friends were going to leave me now. I just murdered somepony I didn’t even know. They wouldn’t be friends with a murderer. I heard more ponies coming down the hall. I knew I couldn’t just sit there and mourn now. I had to leave. So I ran to the other end of the hall, so I could loop around. I ran and never looked back.
“Hey! Somepony stop that fucker!” I heard a mare call out from the other end of the hall. I ran as fast as I could past more sections of the stable so I could escape. Then I came up to a dead end.
“Aw shit.” I muttered to myself. The alarm was still going off. There was shouting everywhere, and my heart was beginning to race. I looked down and saw that I was on the top floor and on the balcony area. Now I wasn’t a great flyer, but I had to decide to either fly down to the bottom floor or get killed. I took my chances and went with the former. As I flew down to the bottom floor, I got a quick glimpse that nopony was down there. I believed I wasn’t that far from the entrance, so maybe if I’m quiet enough I can-
“Hey you mother fucker!” Shit. “Get back here!” Ok, does everypony curse nowadays? I mean hell, if nopony else will stop swearing, then I won’t.
“Hey! Tell the boss we got a runner!” I heard a familiar voice call out. As I ran towards the main door, I took a quick look back and saw that Jobbs was after me with a bunch of other ponies. “Your gonna pay for what you did to my partner ya bitch!!”
All right, I thought to myself while I was running, did nopony know this guys name? Seriously? Who the fuck was this stallion? I really want to know given the fact that I killed him, and I’m probably going to jail.
Suddenly I saw the stable door. It was fucking huge. It had a big 35 in the center. I decided to leave the alarm on as I looked for the door controls.
BANG!!
A shot rang out from the hallway. It scared me that I popped out my wings. I saw the door control panel and looked for the switch to open the door.
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
More shots fired out from the hallway. I saw Jobbs run around the corner and I knew I had to find that panel quick. I saw a panel that read “CLOSE BACK DOOR”I saw that its was on red, which meant no. Well, I thought to myself, we might as well see what it does. As I pulled the lever, the door behind me closed shut, stopping Jobbs and her crew
“Aw shit! Somepony open this fucking door!” I heard Jobbs shout. I knew that would hold them for a bit, but I couldn’t help but think that was stupid design for whoever made this stable. Regardless, I kept searching for the main door control. I found it shortly after locking Jobbs out of the room, and it read “OPEN OR CLOSED” I quickly flicked the control to OPEN and I heard metal grinding on metal. The sound was excruciatingly loud. Soon the vault door was completely open. Unfortunately, so did the door behind me, letting Jobbs and her merry band of ponies into the door.
Luckily for me, there was a small opening in the window that I could fit through, or I could take my chances and run out the door of the control room. Well, I thought, no risk, no reward. I unfolded my wings and yelled out loud one of my many phrases that I misused. “TRYHARD!!!!!” I flew straight through the window, without a scratch. “How the fuck did I do that?” I thought to myself. I was snapped back into reality by a bullet passing by my ear. “Oh right” I muttered again. “I’m running for my life.”
I flew straight out the door and immediately took cover by the wall next to where the stable door closed. I saw the exact same control panel that I saw to open the stable door. I quickly switched it to close. The sound of metal on metal was even more painful since I was closer to the damn door.
“FUUUCK!!!” I heard Jobbs call out from the other end. “BOSS IS GONNA KILL ME! FOUR PILES OF SHIT ESCAPED!!” Oh right. My friends left as well. The door finally slammed shut and the stable was closed. They’re probably going to try and open the door again, so I had to move quickly. I then realized I forgot my ipony. Well shit.
I walked out of the cave, looking forward to being outside again. Maybe I could convince the princesses that I only killed in self-defense. Maybe Fluttershy, since I was good friends with her, would help me out.
As I opened the door to leave, the sun shined brightly in my eyes. Damn, I thought as I shielded my eyes, Celestia already found out and is coming to kill me. Well fuck. It was a good run. Time to die.
As I removed my hoof from my face, I saw that rambling rock ridge was in shambles. The ridge was gone, now it was just pile’s of rocks. I flew up to see what was past the rocks and saw…..something I’ll never forget.
Equestria was in ruins. There were no trees, no grass, and no sign of life whatsoever. Granted, there wasn’t THAT many trees that I saw when my friends and I first arrived. But still, they were there. Now, equestria was lifeless.
“What the fuck happened here?”
FOOTNOTE: LEVEL UP NEW PERK: TIGHT SQUEEZER. YOU CAN FLY TROUGH JUST ABOUT ANY SPACE. STANDING UP DOES NOT INFLICT ON WHERE YOU CAN GO.
“ Celestia damn, I hate bugs” I stared out over the ridge, taking in my new surroundings. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. How did this happen? This isn’t real. Just yesterday Equestria was buzzing with life. Everypony seemed happy. In fact, it didn’t even seem like there was a war going on. And now…Equestria looks like it’s dead. There was no sign of life. Everything was bleak; there weren’t even any buildings.
I started having flashbacks to yesterday in ponyville. Everypony was excited for this vacation. Our parents weren’t going to bother us. We didn’t have any rules, except the obvious don’t kill, don’t steal, etc. And Kami and I were going to race trough the skyscrapers one day. It was going to be fun as hell. And now…everything is gone.
As I sat there, wondering how this could’ve happened, I remembered something. My friends somehow got out of the Stable and are probably out here. “Fuck.” I muttered to myself. I had no idea where they went, hell I didn’t even know why they left. Come to think of it, why did they leave without me?
“There’s no point in asking questions right now.” I said out loud. Since there was nopony around, I might as well have SOMEPONY to talk to, Even if it was just myself. I’m weird like that. “Unless the dirt can magically talk. What do you think dirt?” The dirt didn’t respond. “Thanks for the help dirt.” Well what did you except, I thought to myself. Its fucking dirt, it never was alive.
After mentally facehoofing, I decided that I needed to think of what to do next. Even though I still couldn’t believe that Equestria changed into…whatever this place is, I knew that I needed to survive out here. Although that didn’t look like that was going to happen. I had no job, no bits, nowhere to go, no food, no water, no friends- oh right my friends. Geez I suck at prioritizing.
“Alright, first objective, find friends. Second objective is to get a job. Third objective is to find a new place to live. Now if only I had a list to remember this.” Then I remembered that I had a computer attached to my left hoof. “Oh right, this thing. I might as well see what this is.”
I lifted my hoof towards my face and looked at the computer screen. The screen was colored green and it had buttons on the bottom. I decided to press to button labeled STATS, and it brought up a picture of me. It showed the conditions on my limbs, and that’s it.
“Well, this is a interesting device. It knows about my body, and I just realized that sentence sounded weird as hell.” I have the tendency to do that. I just say really weird shit out load. But enough about that.
I then realized I haven’t even named this thing. I started to think of names in my head. The Super computer of doom, the device of death, the controller, the thing to protect my face with, etc. I was never good at naming items. Then I looked towards the left hand side and saw the words PIP-BUCK 3000 on the side of the device. “Oh,” I said out loud, “That makes things easier.”
As I looked at the pip-buck some more, I realized I’ve spent a lot of time looking at a blank screen. I then flipped over to the DATA button and saw a bunch of other options flood the bottom of the screen. There was a local map, hat would be very helpful, a world map, even more useful, and a TO DO LIST tab. Well this device is pretty much Celestia out here, I thought.
I flipped to the to do list tab, and saw that all my objectives were in order. Find friends, get a job, and find a place to live. I switched to the map tab and saw the location STABLE 13 labeled on the map. Well, I thought, at least I know where I’m at. Now I just need to find out where to go.
{GRUMBLE.} I heard my stomach growl loudly. Ok, I thought. New objective, find some veggies to eat. I started to look through my bag when suddenly I heard gunshots behind me. I then remembered I had psychopaths chasing after me. I then ran away from the gunshots.
After running for about 5 minutes I stopped to catch my breath. I never was the athletic type, but turns out that being shot is a great motivator. After I calmed down, I then realized I really had nowhere to go. I went to check my map in hopes that a new location popped up. Alas, one didn’t seem to appear.
“Well this is just fucking great.” I started to yell out loud, since nopony was around. “All of my friends are gone, I got shot at AGAIN today, I just KIILED somepony, and I have no fucking place to go. Fuck my life! Fuck my life with Luna’s horn!” I looked for something to buck, but since there was nothing in sight I just bucked the ground in frustration. I looked like a fucking idiot, but I didn’t care. And then, for some reason I decided to look at my map again. It still showed nothing new.
I was about to try and throw the pip-buck, but then something caught my eye. I looked a little closer at the map. “Wait a minute,” I said out loud, looking southeast a bit. “I know this area. The ruins and Dodge city are near here.” I was never good at survival skills, but for some reason I could read a map pretty damn well. I don’t know where I got that skill from, but right now I was glad that I had it.
I sighed. I had two options. I could either go to the ruins, which could have monsters that my parents told me in stories when I was a colt, or I could go to a city that probably had nice ponies that could help me find my friends. Hell if I’m lucky enough, my friends could be there. Then we could journey to fillydelphia together.
“Well,” I said out loud, since I have the tendency to do that, “Off to Dodge City.” I’ve never been to Dodge City, but from what I heard, it’s a nice place. Better than going through the ruins and possibly getting crushed. Or eaten. Or maybe getting shot at. Again.
I looked at my map and started to head southeast towards to city. I then remembered the psychoponies behind me, and checked to see if they were still following me. Thank Celestia they weren’t. Either I flew really fast, or these ponies were lazier than me. Either way, they were gone and I was alone again.
As I started to walk southeast, I remembered my growling stomach was still unsatisfied. I seriously needed something to eat, but I didn’t have a bag with me. I left it in the stable, along with all of my food. Shit, I thought, I really should have gotten that. I even left the gun that I killed that one stallion with. I seriously forgot his name. What was it? Shithead, Asswipe, Fuckwad- Oh yeah it was Fuckwad. That guy was a prick.
Damn it, I thought. I’m rambling to myself again. Bottom line is that I needed to eat. Unfortunately for me, there was no grass in sight. All I saw was dirt. And I’ve never eaten dirt. Well except that one time when I was a foal. Ah memories.
“Well,” I said aloud, “since there’s nothing to eat, and there’s no sign of life within 20 miles, lets get back to walking.” For some reason I couldn’t explain, I didn’t feel like flying. Maybe it was because I was paranoid, I don’t know.
As I continued on the dirt path, I started to feel alone. I was just one pony in a big giant wasteland. There was no sound except my hoofsteps. It felt genuinely creepy. I thought something was going to jump out and attack me at any moment.
I walked for hours and hours. I looked up towards the sky and realized it was almost night time. I need to find somewhere to sleep, I thought. I started to look around and saw that there was nothing except a speck in the distance. I decided to walk towards the speck
The speck was definitely father than I expected, because my hoofs were hurting like hell. Despite being a Pegasus, I really enjoyed walking. I used to walk all the time in ponyville. I never walked this much in one time. Once I reached the speck (which happened to be a shack) I felt like collapsing. I was fucking exhausted.
I opened the shack and saw that nopony was inside. I went in and saw that there was a bed, and some Sparka-cola. Then I saw a picture of a pink mare with poofy pink hair.
“I think I’ve seen that mare before,” I thought out loud. I remember a mare just like that welcoming me to ponyville when my family and me arrived. She was so energetic, and she talked to me a lot. Or tried to anyway.
“Derp” I said out loud, realizing how stupid I was. “That’s Pinkie Pie.” How could I have forgotten Pinkie? She was my first friend in Ponyville. She was everyponies first friend in Ponyville. Everypony loved her parties, even the elders. But for some reason, she stayed my friend. Even during the war, she would write to me occasionally, even when she was busy. She also introduced me to Trebly, who introduced me to my best friend Kami, then Shokka, etc.
I pretty much owed Pinkie a lot, because she introduced me to all my friends. And her cupcakes were great. I started to think where she would be right now. I hope to Celestia she is okay, I thought.
I checked outside to see if it was dark out. Sure enough, it was. I saw that the moon was bright outside. “Wow,” I said out loud “Luna, you never cease to amaze me.” I went back inside and closed the door. It felt kind of eerie being the only pony out here. But, I really didn’t care much.
I sat down on the bed, and started to look around the shack some more. I saw a locker, which was locked. I saw a pair of saddlebags, which were about my size. They seem like survival bags more than saddlebags, but looked easy to lift. I decided to pick them up. They turned out to not be heavy at all. Yay, I though, I have a bag now.
There was also a pistol similar to Jerry’s pistol (Fuck it, I’m calling the stallion Jerry from now on.) I decided to pick it up, since now I’m going to be hunted down, I might as well have a means to defend myself. There were about 10 clips of ammo near the gun, and the clip in the gun was full. There was also a bat nearby. I decided to take that as well.
After looting the shack, I yawned very loudly. I decided to go to bed right then, and slumped on the bed. As I was drifting to sleep, I heard a strange sound near my shack. It was a crawling noise. Bugs, I thought. Dear Celestia not bugs. I despised bugs with a burning passion. Especially spiders. Oh Celestia do I hate spiders.
I opened my eye, and saw a giant leg. OH SWEET LUNA, HELP ME. I reached opened my other eye and saw the creature. I stopped breathing. It was a roach, one of my more despised insects. But it was massive. Almost as big as Jerry. And there wasn’t just one. There were 4 or five of them, and a couple of them were crawling through the window.
I slowly moved my eyes away from the bugs, and I was looking for the bat I saw earlier. I saw it on the other side of the shack. I slowly reached my hoof towards the bat. Out of the corner of my eye and saw that one was crawling on the roof.
I lost my mind. I ran towards the bat, stepping on one of the roaches in the process. I grabbed the bat in my mouth, and swung it towards the bugs. “DIE” I yelled with the bat in my mouth. “DIEDIEDIEDIE FUCKING DIE!!!!!!” I kept swinging the bat until I opened my eyes and saw the bugs all squished. There were bug guts everywhere. If there was anything in my stomach, I immediately lost it. I ran outside and started vomiting. I vomited until I just had gag reflexes.
“Dear Celestia, why did it have to be bugs?” I started to say, after my stomach was empty. “ I hate guts to begin with, but why?” I went back inside to the bug gut painted shack. I was tired, I just vomited, I got shot at, and now I was hungry. I just wanted to sleep.
I went back to the bed, not caring if it was covered in bug guts or not. Luckily for me it wasn’t, and I drifted to sleep. All my hunger was gone, my loneliness, my concerns. Just sleep. Peaceful, beautiful sleep.
FOOTNOTE: LEVEL UP! NEW PERK: MAP READER YOUR KNOWLEAGE OF TERRAIN AND MAPS MAKES YOU A GREAT TOUR GUIDE. ALL LOCATIONS WITHIN 20 MILES ARE IMMEDIATELY MARKED ON YOUR MAP. (Thanks to Luckybreak for the cover art. I greatly appreciate it, bro.)
