Stories about an OC that writes plays and goes to school with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
I am your humble storyteller Spoony, and I am here to tell you of my own epic adventures of the past, so that you might laugh... and maybe learn.
Spoony is Silver Spoon's vastly different brother. Lately, he has had the privilege of being appointed head of theater for his school. When that school has the Cutie Mark Crusaders in it, he doesn't have much to work with. Still, he tries, so maybe things will be okay after all.
A lone colt walks onto a large stage. He is a simple gray color with a short black mane and a spoon cutie mark. As he reaches the center of the stage, he begins to speak.
“Hail and well met,” he begins, “I am your humble storyteller, Spoony, here to tell you of times past so that you may laugh and perhaps… learn.”
“Our story begins in the desert.” Spoony says as a large tan carpet rolls across the stage, “Three wise ponies, one a unicorn,” Sweetie Belle walked onstage, clad in a white robe, “one a pegasus,” she was followed by Scootaloo, who was wearing a tin foil breastplate and helmet, “and the last a pony of the earth.” Applebloom appeared next to her friends, wearing a common brown robe, “They knew not why they came to this spot, only that their being here was a necessity.”
“Fellow travelers,” Sweetie Belle said, “what brings you to this arid place?”
“Beats me, just felt like the right thing to do.” Scootaloo said.
“Ah do not know either. Perhaps there will be somethin’ along to reveal our purpose.” Applebloom said. After she did, a large cardboard star was lowered from above the stage.
“Hark!” Sweetie Belle squeaked, drawing an audible d’aww from the crowd, “Be this our reason?”
“Maybe it is. We should follow this heavenly sign and see where it leads us to.” Applebloom said.
“Yeah okay.” Scootaloo joined in as the three fillies started marching in place.
“The three ponies followed the star, for they knew not what else to do. After many days, they approached a castle.” Spoony said as a castle prop was wheeled on set.
“Hey you lot! What’re you doin’ at our castle?” Pipsqueak shouted from behind the prop.
“We are followin’ a star in the sky. We believe it will lead us to some wonderful… thing.” Applebloom said. The Crusaders and the castle prop left the stage, leaving Pipsqueak alone with Spoony.
“The guard was alarmed by this information. A star that led to something wonderful? This was strange. The unicorns had studied stars for eons, and nothing of this sort had happened before. He reasoned that the solution was to report to his ruler, Queen Platinum.” Spoony said. A large throne was pushed onto the stage with Diamond Tiara sitting in it.
“My queen,” Pipsqueak said, “there are a lot o’ travelers outside the castle. They say they’re followin’ a star to something wonderful.”
“What is this wonderful thing?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“Well, if it’s important enough that a star would lead to it, it must be very valuable. Tell the travelers that after they find their goal, I would like to see them. Once they come back with the prize, we can force them to give it to us.” Diamond Tiara said.
“Long live the queen I guess.” Pipsqueak said with a bow as Diamond Tiara’s chair was pulled back offstage. The crusaders and the wall came back, covering Pipsqueak again.
“Travelers,” Pipsqueak shouted, “the mighty and powerful Queen Platinum’s gonna allow you to journey through this land on one condition. You lot gotta return here after you find the thing you’re looking for.”
“Wait, why do we need her permission?” Scootaloo asked.
“Cause she’s the queen you bloody fool!” Pipsqueak said.
“C’mon, let’s go before Scoots gets us in trouble.” Applebloom said as the castle wall and Pipsqueak receded back offstage.
“That night, the three ponies were each visited in a dream.” Spoony said as Applebloom and Scootaloo ran offstage.
“Sweetie Belle!” A voice thundered from offstage. Sweetie Belle was visibly startled and began looking for the origin of the noise.
“Who are you scoundrel that interrupts my slumber?” Sweetie said as she continued looking around the stage. Suddenly, in a puff of smoke, Twilight Sparkle was onstage in her Starswirl the Bearded costume, minus the beard.
“I am Luna. I come bearing a warning to thee. Queen Platinum is attempting to trick thee and thine companions. Ye would do well to abandon her requirement and travel towards the star.” Twilght said.
“Thank you marvelous spirit. You have surely saved me.” Sweetie Belle said. As quickly as she had appeared, Twilight left. Sweetie Belle scurried offstage where her place was taken by Scootaloo.
“Hey silly filly!” Pinkie Pie shouted, suddenly appearing behind Scootaloo.
“Gah! How’d you do that?” Scootaloo asked.
“I’m Luna, I can do whatever I want in dreams. Right now, I want to tell you that the meanie queenie that guard talked to is trying to make trouble. Don’t hang out with meanies, stay away from Platinum.” Pinkie said.
“Thank, I will.” Scootaloo said.
“Great. I gotta go, but have a cupcake.” Pinkie said as she handed Scootaloo a frosted treat and vanished in a puff of confetti. Scootaloo strolled offstage while snacking on her cupcake, and Applebloom rushed onstage.
“Hello.” Silver Spoon said as she walked onstage.
“Howdy.” Applebloom said, glaring at the gray filly.
“Don’t trust the queen.” Silver Spoon said.
“Fine.” Applebloom said.
“Good. I’m done.” Silver Spoon said as she stormed off. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle came back onstage and stood next to Applebloom.
“The next morning,” Spoony said, “the three ponies set off again on their journey. They were nearing a small town called Canterlot. The star was floating above the city, specifically a small cave in the mountainside. The three ponies knew that their goal was in the cave.” A rocky looking prop was pushed to the center of the stage. The cake twins were lying inside the prop, with Dinky and Featherweight standing next to it.
“Howdy y’all, we have travelled here in search of a great thing! Do you know what it is?” Applebloom asked.
“My husband and I are only here with our newborns.” Dinky said.
“You two are very lucky to have such gifts.” Sweetie Belle said through gritted teeth. It was in such stark contrast to what the crowd had seen of her before that they weren’t sure how to react. Some laughed, some simply stared.
“Why yes, they are gifts of the divine.” Dinky said, inching closer and closer to Featherweight, who remained blissfully unaware of what was going on.
“They were sent to lead our people to greatness.” He said.
“Sweet. We should give you gifts.” Scootaloo said, “I brought French coins.”
“I have myrrh.” Applebloom said.
“What’s myrrh?” Featherweight asked.
“It’s a pleasant smelling plant that is ground up into a dust.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Thank you Ms. Dictionary. And what did you bring my husband and I?” Dinky said, now practically leaning on Featherweight.
“I brought gold.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Oh husband, how marvelous!” Dinky said, leaning in to kiss Featherweight.
“That’s it!” Sweetie Belle shouted, leaping at Dinky. Her friends were able to hold her back, but it still caused Dinky to jump away from Featherweight.
“Um, and that’s how the three tribes learned about the royal sisters.” Spoony said, “Good night everybody. Somebody close the curtain before my stars kill each other!”
The school auditorium erupted with applause. After a few minutes of getting Dinky away from Sweetie Belle, all the foals involved came out to greet ponies.
“Marvelous job Spoony. Next time though, try casting the roles in a way that doesn’t send my sister into a rage okay?” Rarity said.
“Excellent work! I’m putting you in charge of theater for the rest of the year!” Cheerilee said.
“Thanks for humoring the girls about acting cutie marks. You did a good job, don’t you think Mac?” Applejack said.
“Eeyup.” Big Macintosh said. Perhaps both the shortest and most telling critique of the show.
“Spoony!” There she was, Silver Spoon. She marched over to Spoony like a timber wolf ready to pounce. When she got there, she reared back on her hind legs and… gave her brother a hug. “You did good bro. I don’t think Diamond will let you off easy for casting her as the villain though.”
“She’ll get over it. So sis, maybe think about acting next time?” Spoony said.
“Maybe. So, what next? Wicked? Grease? Bonnie and Clydesdale? Maybe Hoofloose, I heard Scootaloo can dance.” Silver Spoon asked.
“Right now? I’m gonna see how many ponies I can get to refer to Twilight Sparkle as Luna. Then maybe I’ll go play that new game I got the other day.” Spoony said as he walked out with his sister. Fortunately for the little colt, he would have much more in his future than videogames.
Once again, the denizens of Ponyville have filed into their school’s auditorium to watch a play. A gray colt walks onto the stage, his head hanging low. He mutters something before speaking up.
“Hail and well met. I am your humble storyteller, Spoony, here to tell you of times past so that you may laugh, and perhaps… learn.”
“Today I am here to tell you a very important lesson. That lesson is, no matter what your theater teacher tells you, dressing Scootaloo like a chicken is a terrible idea.” Cheerilee gave him a death glare, prompting Spoony to get back to the actual performance. “Ahem, anyway, what I’m really here to tell you about is the six food groups. First, and most important of the food groups, is vegetables.” Sweetie Belle walked onstage in a giant broccoli costume and a cape.
“I am vegetables. I am high in nutrients and Vitamins A, C, E, and iron. Ponies should have at least five servings of me a day. I am often found growing underground. Then… um… I push up with my big stalky things, and come above ground… so that’s why broccoli looks like a tree.” Sweetie Belle said with a big smile. Cheerilee and Spoony had different reactions, mostly leaning towards self-inflicted pain.
“Thank you vegetables. Okay, let’s try one that knows more about what they are, fruits!” Spoony said. Applebloom trotted onstage dressed as, what else, and apple.
“Howdy. I’m a fruit. Fruits are very good for y’all, as they contain large amounts of vitamins, minerals, and iron. Unlike vegetables, I grow above ground, which means I need to have seeds. Different fruits have different amounts of seeds. The apple, greatest of all fruits, has four seeds. Fruits, especially apples, can be turned into all kinds of products, such as: jams, ciders, jellies, preserves, pastries, juices, flavorings, some kinds of paints, fashionable earrings, and works of art. Our local grower, Sweet Apple Acres, has apples on sale for…” Applebloom said before being cutoff.
“That’s wonderful fruits, I’m sure you’ll give us the rest of the speech next time you’re out selling with your sister. In the meantime, let’s take a look at our biggest, toughest, and strongest food group: protein!” Spoony said. Featherweight walked onstage dressed as a chicken wing. The crowd laughed for a good three minutes.
“Thanks a lot guys, it’s not like I have self-esteem or anything. I mean, I’m strong too.” Featherweight said.
“Describe protein.” Spoony instructed.
“Huh? Oh yeah. Proteins come from a variety of sources, but are generally put in two categories: meat and nuts. While we ponies do not eat meats, we consume nuts regularly. Cows, donkeys, mules, and zebras have similar eating habits. Griffons, changelings, dragons, serpents, dogs, and Diamond Tiara are all carnivorous. This means that they eat meats. Sometimes, they have even been known to eat other species, including ponies.” Featherweight said. A loud ‘oof’ was heard as he walked offstage, to be replaced by Diamond Tiara. She was wearing a white cube costume.
“Carnivorous my hoof. Ahem, I am sugar, the most delicious of all the food groups. I can be found in almost every food imaginable. Vegetables usually have very low sugar, which is why they are so very gross. Fruits have more sugar, which is why they’re a little better. The foods with the highest amounts of sugar are held in such a high regard that consuming them before finishing the rest of your food is considered to be improper. I for one, think this is stupid. We should be able to have sugar when we feel like it, like Pinkie Pie does.” Diamond Tiara said.
“Wow. That was so very far off script that I’m curious as to whether or not you actually read it. What Diamond forgets to tell you is that sugars are by far the most fattening food of all, and the only reason Pinkie Pie is able to survive that much sugar intake is because she immediately works it off by… being Pinkie Pie.” Spoony said. Diamond Tiara walked offstage in a huff.
“Now, before our next food group, I’d like to give a shout-out to our only sponsor. That of course is Pipsqueak, who gave me five bits so that he could play the part of dairy. Don’t ask me why, he just really wanted to.” Spoony said as Pipsqueak came dressed as a cheese wheel.
“Good evening ladies and gentlecolts, I am dairy, also known as the big cheese.” The groan from the audience could be heard from Cloudsdale, “Lovely. Anyway, I come from our close friends, the cows. That’s right, every single speck of dairy comes from cows and their milk. Be it cheese, yogurt, ice cream, or regular old milk, cows are responsible for all of it. I am also high in vitamin D, and appear to be the only way to get it. Which is odd, considering how most of my classmates seem to make D’s all the time.” Pipsqueak bowed as he was booed off the stage by his peers.
“Note to self, don’t take money from Pipsqueak. Alright, we’re down to our last food group. Everypony give a big hand for grains.” Spoony said. Dinky cantered onstage in a giant muffin costume.
“I’m a grain, and that’s awesome because grains are in all kinds of things. We’re in muffins, and bread, and cake, and muffins, and cupcakes, and pies, and cookies, and muffins, and beers…” Dinky rambled.
“Dinky!” Cheerilee yelled from the stage, stopping her pupil from continuing.
“Yes?” Dinky asked, still chipper.
“Dare I ask where you learned about beer?” Cheerilee asked.
“Ms. Rainbow Dash.” Dinky answered. For some reason, a gust of wind and flash of several colors went out the window.
“Well this is fantastic. First Applebloom’s soliciting, then Pinkie Pie’s sugar, and now this. Before the other half of the Elements of Harmony end up getting a stern talking to from Ms. Cheerilee, let’s go ahead and end the play, shall we?” Spoony offered. A round of applause filled the auditorium as the six food groups returned to the stage to take a bow. As the curtains closed, the actors and actresses walked out into the auditorium.
“Spoony, I’m not going to say anything about the… informal presentation, but next time, make sure you know what your actors will say before the night of the show.” Cheerilee said. Then, she turned, glaring in the direction of a pink bouncing pony and her Stetson adorned friend.
“Wow. Bro, that was something else. I don’t even know what to say.” Silver Spoon said between laughs.
“Yeah, I noticed you didn’t want to join us. What’s the matter? Didn’t want to be known around town as a piece of asparagus for a few days?” Spoony asked.
“Nope, not really. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to make sure Diamond Tiara hasn’t skinned Featherweight alive yet.” Silver Spoon said, walking off.
“Hey, Spoony?” A voice called from the stage. Turning around, Spoony saw Sweetie Belle.
“Hey Sweetie. Where are the girls?” Spoony asked.
“I think they went to watch Cheerilee yell at Applejack and Rainbow Dash. Um, did I… did I mess up?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Sweetie Belle, let me put it this way: which do you think the audience liked better, what you said, or what Twilight and Cheerilee wrote up?” Spoony asked. Sweetie Belle thought it over for a moment.
“What I said?” She asked.
“Bingo.”
“Oh, good. I was afraid I did something wrong. I mean, you said Applebloom knew more about fruits and stuff.” Sweetie Belle said.
“I should hope so, it’s her job. You, on the other hand, don’t work on a farm.” Spoony said.
“No, I don’t. I think Rarity would kill me. Speaking of which, I should go find her. Thanks Spoony.” Sweetie Belle said, cantering off. This left Spoony alone onstage.
Not one to be left out of anything for long, Spoony set off for Sugarcube Corner. If he was lucky, he might be able to get some free samples of the Diamond Tiara group.
