The worst thing a friend can say

Dear princess Celesta.

What is the worst thing your friend can say to you? Egghead? Leave me alone? I hope I never see you again? No. Those are only words, trifle things without meaning, carrying no weight, they are all forgiven and forgotten within a week. I know what it is. The worst thing a friend can say to you. I heard it from my number one assistant.

Spike was not very old, I still considered him a baby dragon even if he took care of me as much as I took care of him. We had some wonderful years together. Back then we thought we would be happily together for many years to come. We took our happiness and each other for granted, enjoying ourselves in ways we should not have.

And then the cruel world came crashing down, my little baby dragon had cancer. It was just a week since we had celebrated his birthday. And without even having grown up he was going to die. How could this be allowed? Why could I not protect him? Why had not noticed it earlier?

But it was too late.

Why had not noticed the usual tiredness? The subtle change of color in his scale? I was heartbroken when the news came. Spike asked me why I was crying. What was I supposed to say? How do you tell a lifelong friend that he was going to die? How do you tell someone who has never doubted your talents that you cannot magically make everything right? That not even the power of Celestia could fix this?

I wish it had been me. That it was me the news were about. I have to admit, it is an odd feeling wishing yourself sick, but that is precisely what I did. I wished with all of my heart and all of my soul.

In and out. In and out. We were constantly running to and from the hospital, it was like when Celestia relentlessly sent us out on dangerous quests to save Equestria, only more frequently. Only it took longer time. Only it was not an exciting adventure we went off to but a white room with a bed dressed in white sheets. I can’t count all the hours we spent inside those walls. Tests, results, reports, again and again. At times we stayed for the night, keeping him for observation they said. Had to make sure he did not eat anything, make sure he had drip.

Eventually we stopped returning to the library. It just wasn’t any point. Got a white room with two beds with white sheets. He laid in one and me in the other. I don’t think I ever actually slept in it. I spent most of my time sitting beside him, talking and comforting. I read for him, mostly old stories, the ones about the old pony sisters, adventures of Starswirl and even a Daring Doo novel. I told him stories from my foalhood, all the games I played with my brother and Cadence and how I first got interested in magic at the summer sun celebration.

Only left him when I had to get more coffee so that I would not fall asleep, so that I would be able to stand vigil over him a little while longer. So that I would be able spend as much time as possible with him.

Everyone I knew came to check on him, every day. Applejack always brought a big red apple with her, polished and very juicy. Fluttershy made sure to keep the flowers next to his bed fresh, she picked a different kind of bouquet every day, the new one somehow always looking prettier than the last. Pinkie Pie completely refurnished the room, colorful paintings covered the previously empty walls, the floor was mostly hidden under a soft and fluffy rug. Neither nurse Redheart nor I figured out how she managed to get Spike´s personal bookcase from the library into the room.

Rainbow Dash never stayed for long and she never brought anything. Soon after arriving she would claim she had work to do and leave in hurry, not wanting anyone to see her tears. The view outside Spike´s window was never cloudy, every day the sun shone brightly into the room and every night all the constellations could be easily spotted from the window. Even the days the rest of Ponyville suffered dark clouds and heavy rain.

Aside from me it was Rarity who spent most time with Spike. Whenever she came to visit Spike´s mood would improve. The big plate of rare gems was always appreciated but the expensive treats were never the highlight of her visit. At first the gems were quickly devoured but with each passing day he needed more and more time to empty the plate. Eventually he stopped eating altogether.

The last days were not peaceful. He could not do much more then lay still in bed, but that is not what I mean. He was not in a pace of mind, he did not want to accept that his life was soon at its end. He wanted to travel around the world with Rarity, grow wings, build his own hoard of gems and gold and more than anything, stay with me.

I knew these were things he would never get to experience. All the important things he would never get to do. He would never get to grown to be a teenage dragon, never get the chance to make his own life and he would not be with me as I grew old. How do you comfort someone when you yourself grief all those lost years? HOW?

Then the day arrived. The last one. It was as if he knew it. That tomorrow he would not be with me anymore. I sat next to him the whole day. Gently stroking him across the back. Nuzzling his nose. Speaking softly to him. He did not say much. He did not have the strength. But he smiled and nodded often. He loved it when I told him of the time he was newly hatched and all the trouble he got me into. Of all the happy moments we spent together.

But then he interrupted me. I fell quite when he squeezed my hoof in his claw.

“Twilight.” He whispered, so quite I almost did not hear him.

“I love you Twilight. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me.”

I squeezed his claw back with my hoof, as hard as I could.

“I love you so much Twilight.” He said again. “Please do not let me die.”

Spike slowly closed his eyes as his head rolled to the side and the claw in my hoof slowly turned limp.

Your faithful student
Twilight Sparkle