Scootaloo stared intently at the granola bar in her hooves. She was sitting in Ms. Cheerilee’s classroom during the most boring lesson in history. Not a single student was paying any attention, yet still the teacher droned on and on. Still staring at her granola bar, Scootaloo delicately began to remove the chocolate chips to eat later. Apple Bloom sat beside her, staring aimlessly into space. The two of them had had a fake fight during lunch and now Scootaloo was pretending to be mad at her friend by ignoring her. Out of the corner of her eye, Scootaloo saw Apple Bloom glance at the empty desk behind her. Sweetie Belle, who usually occupied the seat, was home sick. As Scootaloo picked out the chocolate, she heard her friend sigh. Smiling, the young Pegasus continued to pick her snack apart. She was almost half finished when Apple Bloom reached over and picked up half of the pile of chocolate and ate it. Outraged, but still refusing to speak to her friend, Scootaloo took a piece of paper and wrote several sentences on it before passing it to the Earth Pony next to her. Apple Bloom read the note. Stifling a giggle, she wrote a reply and passed it back. Scootaloo took one look at the paper before scribbling a reply. Apple Bloom read it and glared at her friend. Then she spoke in a hushed whisper.
“This. Means. War.”
And so it began.
This is a story about somepony who stole Scootaloo’s chocolate. The somepony was named Apple Bloom. Scootaloo killed them and laughed. The end. Scootaloo attempted killing Apple Bloom and the police arrested her, and Apple Bloom laughed. But Apple Bloom was already dead, and Scootaloo was happy. Years later, Scootaloo broke out of jail and took over the world. The end. Then Apple Bloom was discovered to actually be alive, so she snuck into Scootaloo’s hideout and killed her while Scootaloo wasn’t watching. The end. Or so she thought. In truth Scootaloo was only a fake identity. The Scootaloo Apple Bloom killed was not the original. Once the fake pony was killed, Scootaloo jumped out and killed Apple Bloom by decapitating her. Scootaloo then mutilated her enemy, placing each body part in a different part of the world, so Apple Bloom was dead forever. Also, Scootaloo was sure she killed the right pony because she did a DNA test, as well as a hoof print test. THE FREAKIN END! BUT, the robber of the chocolate was only one in a group of four quadruplets, and so the other three teamed up and killed Scootaloo the same way their sister was killed. But Scootaloo had far more body doubles, so that another fake Scootaloo was killed instead. So then one of Scootaloo’s assassins killed the 3 sisters. Then their parents, friends, and all family or other ponies that would try to get back at Scootaloo. But the way the assassin killed them made it look like the murders was not on Scootaloo ‘s side. Pleased with the whole thing worked out, Scootaloo ate more chocolate. The end. By then, Scootaloo was an old pony and died of an illness that spread to all of the doppelgangers, as well as all of Scootaloo’s pets, cats, friends, family, and anyone else who would care, killing them all. Then, a stranger wandered into Scootaloo’s hideout and ate all of Scootaloo’s chocolate stash, and eating it gradually so they wouldn’t get sick and they exercised so no one would suspect them. However, Scootaloo had a time machine. Before she died, she went back in time and killed the parents of the pony who stole her chocolate before they had any children, thus changing the time line and removing her illness. So, when Scootaloo came back to present time, she was healthy and had all of her chocolate. She also had a potion that would prevent her from ageing or getting sick or dying until she felt it was time. THE END! (aka try to beat that!) But, Scootaloo would soon realize that to stay immortal, she’d have to be constantly drinking an elixir that tasted absolutely terrible, and if the elixir mixed with any chocolate it would dissolve her body. And if she didn’t drink it, she’d age up to 200 years and die anyway. And after a few years, the ingredients to make the elixir ran out. THE. FRIGGIN. END. (OWNDDDDDDDDDDDDDD) Before, however, the ingredients for the elixir ran out, Scootaloo’s scientists developed the technology to transfer living essence into a robot body. Scootaloo used this science to become a robot with her brain/soul/essence. The robot was basically indestructible and was immune to any and all illnesses, especially chocolate-related ones. So Scootaloo lived happily ever after eating all the chocolate she wanted. THE END. BUT, because of global warming, the water around the Equestria raised, causing everywhere to flood, which made the non-water proof Scootaloo explode, and all of the life essence of Scootaloo was destroyed in the explosion. So Scootaloo died, right? Right. And she is going to Hell, right? Because she killed ponies? Yeah. Okay then. Get ready. You ready? Yes, very, VERY (very x 100 000 000) ready. Okay then. Here we go. Hem hem! So, Scootaloo landed in Hell. She looked around and said “Where the hell am I?”
“Hell,” replied the Devil.
“Oh,” Scootaloo said. “Cool.”
“Not cool. Hot.”
“I know. I like the heat.”
“Well, how do you feel about eternal punishment?”
“Sounds like fun!” Scootaloo said with a grin. “Where do I begin?”
“Wait, are you enjoying this?” The Devil asked, confused.
“Why yes, yes I am,” Scootaloo said with a grin. “So, this is the fiery pit of Hell, huh? It’s a lot nicer than I imagined it. I always pictured it with loads more screaming and blood.”
“Really? I’m sorry I did not meet your standards,” the Devil told Scootaloo.
“It’s OK,” Scootaloo consoled the Devil. “You did a pretty good job. But would you like to hear a few of my ideas? I really think I could improve this place a lot.”
“OK, sure,” the Devil said. The two of them then had a lengthy conversation. In the end, the Devil had to admit that Scootaloo had better Ideas than he did. He then invited Scootaloo to help him rule Hell for ever. Scootaloo graciously accepted and the two of them lived happily ever after ruling over the millions of damned souls for ever and ever.
THE END.
WINNER: SCOOTALOO!!!
“Wow, that was fun!” Scootaloo said as she skipped out into the school yard after the final bell rang.
“Yup!” Apple Bloom agreed. “I thought I had you when I blew up your robot body. But you really got me when you took over Hell.”
“Yeah, that was AWSOME!” Scootaloo joined her friend in laughter. Once they managed to catch their breath, Apple Bloom spoke again.
“Hey, we should do another one!”
“Great idea!” Scootaloo said, jumping up. “But how should we start it? I’m all out of ideas!”
“Ah know!”
“What is it, what is it?” The Pegasus filly asked, but her friend did not reply. Instead, Apple Bloom took out another scrap paper and wrote a few sentences on it. She then passed it to Scootaloo and ran off. Looking over her shoulder, she called out.
“Ah got to go now, but I want a response tomorrow!”
“OK!” Scootaloo called after her friend. She looked down at the paper and smiled. It only took her a few seconds to read what was there. Grinning, the filly picked up the paper and walked home, a response already forming in her mind.
Coming up next: War II: You Ate my Pizza!!