The "New Guy"
My name is Shining Armour. I am captain of the Royal Guard at Canterlot and as such I have a lot to do. Attend to major crimes, protect the princesses, defend Equestria from outside attack... you get the idea.
However, it had been a quiet couple of weeks in Equestria. No major emergencies that required attention, no massive attacks, no robberies, murders, or even a gallop-by cupcaking. Nothing. I was getting very bored. I needed something to fill my time, ANYTHING! I was running out of things to do. You can only watch a film like "Working Mare" with your wife so many times before you begin to hate the sight of Sigourneigh Weaver. I sat in my office where everything was quiet apart from one noise. The worst noise to hear when you're bored. A ticking clock.
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. This was going to be a long day.
This lack of happening was not the norm for me and I half-expected it when the guard burst in stating "We have an emergency, sir."
About bloody time... "Yes, what is it?"
"It's, it's Appleloosa... It's been, well...."
"Burned." I was beginning to think that boredom was a better alternative to this but my interest was piqued.
"Completely. Absolutely razed to the ground. I've seen it for myself. I have a, a friend there."
"Is it Braeburn?"
"I thought you might be the type... Have all the ponies there been seen to?"
"Well, no. It happened this morning but we've sent a detachment to relocate the ones worst affected. They should be done by Luna's shift."
The door burst open. A tall colt with a short and curly black mane stood in the doorway, he wore a long coat and a fixed expression of contempt. He trotted up to the desk "I shall require the files on the Pie family rock farmers, known vigilantes, Appleloosa, and a train ticket." He spoke with a strange accent. Well spoken but rudely superior. I did not like him.
"Who are you and how did you get in?!" I enquired of the rude pony.
"Me? I'm Holmes, Deerstalker Holmes. You are Shining Armour, Captain of the Royal Guard and I am the pony who's going to help you solve this murder."
"I was just getting to that..." said the guard with a look of shame, "But I'd like to point out that it's not my division."
"Really? It happened approximately seven hours and thirty three minutes ago. That is seventeen minutes after the average detective clocks on and the Captain of the Royal Guard still hasn't heard? You tell me it's not your division but it must be somepony's? How do you get things done..."
"He was just getting to it and you still haven't really explained yourself. You barge into my office demanding files and a train ticket without giving me any real reason."
He sighs. "I am already on my way to solving this murder case that you aren't even aware of yet."
"We have professionals capable of handling the situation."
"You are Shining Armour, Captain of the Royal Guard. You're incredibly bored. Intellectually starved and yet you continue at your post. I know exactly how you feel and I would never continue with anything that caused me to feel so stagnant. I ask then 'Why do you?' You have a sense of duty but there is only so many times you can postpone the boredom-induced madness with a film like 'Working Mare' before you grow more tired of it than your endless workaday life. You tripped coming up the stairs to your office today whilst thinking about the possibility of you moving back to the Crystal Empire regardless of how smooth things are going there and two minutes before you came in you ordered a glass of lemonade which will arrive when I finish this sentence."
Knock Knock"Lemonade for you, sir."
I have to admit that I was. "Come In." The mare came in with my lemonade and sat it on the table. "Thanks." I paused to wonder but in the end I asked "All right. How did you do it?"
"Wasn't it obvious?"
"No. Tell me or you get nothing."
"Anyone can tell by the incredibly tidy state of your table that you have been bored for some time. I know you have been watching 'Working mare' by the film case that is slightly visible in your open desk drawer and I know you are tired of it by the fact that it is in your desk drawer. I know that you tripped by the small abrasion on your front-left hoof. I infer from the crack in the stairwell as I came up here that that is where you tripped. The crack is an old one as you can tell from the smoothed-down nature it has received through the wear of ponies trotting up and down all day and, seen as you were one of those ponies, you wouldn't have tripped there naturally. Your mind was occupied by something, something pressing on your mind. Unless you have a pressing issue of which I am, by some miracle, not aware then it must be a way to detract from your boredom. The only logical plan out of it was to return to the Crystal Empire and, since you are a reasonably intelligent pony, that would be the option you think of. The glass of lemonade was merely that the button on the intercom had accumulated approximately one or two minutes worth of dust. Since this is a very clean room I assumed two minutes. The fact that she would knock when I finished the sentence was a bit of luck as I could hear her approaching the door with the unmistakeable rattle of a glass. Since you're on duty then you obviously won't be having cider and since I happen to know from the gossip magazines that you have a liking of lemonade I assumed that was the beverage making it's way to the door."
Me and the guard stood open mouthed for a few moments.
"All right then, we'd better go and get those files..."