Personal Assistant
You push open the door to Ponyville’s City Hall.
You enter the reception area, which is a stuffy room with a reception desk, a couple of elevators on the back wall and some sofas and office plants strategically placed in a futile attempt to make the entire room seem less like a prison cell.
“Hey,” you say to the receptionist, a light blue stallion with a purple mane.
He looks up from his computer and stares at you for a second before speaking. “You must be the Mayor’s new personal assistant, is that correct?”
You nod.
“Good,” he says. “She’s in her office on the top floor. You can take the elevator.”
You trot over to the elevators on the back wall and enter one and ride it up to the 3rd floor. Upon exiting the elevator, you find a door labeled “Mayor Mare” in front of you. You push it open.
The mayor, a middle-aged mare with a light amber-ish coat, a gray mane and a scroll cutie mark stares up from some paperwork at her desk and smiles at you.
“Oh, hello,” she says, “are you the new PA?”
“Yeah,” you reply.
“It’s kind of a slow day today. I don’t know if there’ll be any actual work for you to do, so you might as well just wait around for now,” she says.
You take a seat on a sofa in the corner of the room and stare out of the window. There’s a pretty great view of Ponyville from up here, with the Everfree forest in the distance and you think you can just about see Canterlot way off into the horizon.
You look across at Mayor Mare. You’d only really seen her when she’d given speeches to the town before, and you’d never seen her up close before. You’d never noticed how attractive she is…
You immediately stop thinking about stuff like that. If the mayor’s personal assistant wants to bone her, it’s not gonna end well, you reason.
The morning passes relatively quickly. You spend most of your time sitting around doing basically nothing while Mayor Mare works through an insane amount of forms.
She looks absolutely exhausted. Her gray mane is disheveled and she has dark bags under her deep blue eyes.
You notice that every few minutes or so, she grunts and uses one of her hooves to rub the back of her shoulder.
“Writer’s cramp?” you ask.
She looks over to you. “Yes… it tends to happen when you spend all morning signing meaningless paperwork,” she says.
Throwing caution to the wind, you hop up off your seat and walk over to her desk. She stares at you with a look of confusion as you position yourself behind her.
“What are-“ she begins. You cut her off when you gently press your hooves into the back of her shoulders. You begin moving your hooves around in an attempt to massage her.
“Uh, what… what are you doing?” she asks again.
You smile. “I’m your personal assistant, remember?”
She smirks at you. She takes her glasses off and lays them down on the desk before leaning forward in her seat.
You rub her shoulders firmly, moving your hooves in circles. You feel the knots in Mayor Mare’s muscles loosening as you run your hooves over them. She moans occasionally, which encourages you to massage faster.
After what seems like an eternity, you step back. Mayor Mare sits back up in her seat, then turns to look at you with some pretty extreme bedroom eyes.
“You know,” she says, “‘personal assistant’ can mean a lot of things…”
You’ve got a good feeling about where this is going.
She lays her forelegs over your shoulders and slowly moves her lips towards yours. You close the gap between the two of you and kiss her as deeply as you can.
When you finally break the kiss, she smiles at you.
“Wait there a minute, I know what we can do,” she says as she runs back over to her desk and shuffles through a pile of stuff under the desk.
She pulls out a blank, unlabelled VHS tape from the pile of stuff.
“Uh, what’s that?” you ask.
“Just a movie I’ve kept hidden for some time,” she says, smirking naughtily. “Come on, let’s watch it.”
You look at the label on the tape and see it’s a pornographic film. For some reason, the idea of Mayor Mare hiding a porn tape in her office and watching it when nobody is around is getting you extremely horny.
She puts the tape in an old VHS player beneath the big TV at the corner of the room and presses the play button.
A mare with excessive eyeshadow and lipstick, wearing fishnet stockings, walks onto the screen.
“Hey, my name’s Cindy,” she says.
You find it hard not to laugh at the shitty production values of this seemingly 80s porn movie.
A buff, muscle-bound stallion walks out onto the stage next. “Hey, I’m Chris,” he announces.
Something about him seems familiar somehow. Either way, you forget about it as Mayor Mare giggles and slides her hoof up your thigh…
It’s dad.
It’s your fucking dad. Your dad is named Chris. That’s why this porn actor seems familiar. IT’S YOUR DAD. What the hell is he doing in a porn movie? IT’S YOUR DAD.
“Oh, SHIT!” you scream suddenly.
Mayor Mare immediately withdraws her hoof from your upper thigh. “What? What’s wrong?” she asks.
You quickly gather your thoughts. ‘Okay,’ you think to yourself. ‘You can do this. Just… pretend it’s not your dad? Or… ignore the movie and just focus on Mayor Mare? Whatever you do, just don’t freak out.’
“Nothing,” you say as calmly as you can to the Mayor. “Now, where were we?”
She smirks and traces her hoof back up your thigh before it brushes against the bottom of your slowly rising penis.
You make the horrible mistake of glancing back to the screen. Your dad’s boner is out and in full view. You feel your gag reflex go bezerk and your cock goes right back down.
“Um… is something wrong?” Mayor Mare asks. You think you’re going to cry.
"It's fine... It's FINE!" you say forcefully, more to assure yourself than her.
She backs away slightly. "Okay, okay..."
Just when you think it might be possible to salvage the situation, the door bursts open. The receptionist trots in.
"Hey Mayor, I just... OH MY GOD!" he screeches upon seeing the movie. You bury your face in your hooves. Mayor Mare rushes to the other end of the room and does the same.
"Hey, wait a minute," says the receptionist, "I've seen this movie! It's got that awesome Chris guy in it! He was a pretty big name on the, heh, 'adult movie' scene back in the 80s."
You feel vomit rising in your throat. This is unbearable. This is the worst thing that's ever happened to a person ever.
"Yeah," the receptionist continues, "I heard he had a kid and had to quit. Probably got one of the sluts in the tape pregnant, am I right? Hah, man, that kid must be pretty messed up in the head."
You leap forward and smash your hoof into the eject button, growling in rage at the VHS player before the tape is finally ejected. You snatch the tape.
"Woah, what are you doing?" the receptionist cries.
"THIS. IS. MINE. NOW." you squawk before sprinting outside.
You head out onto the street and try to throw the tape into a sewage duct, but it gets stuck.
"Goddamnit!" you cry. "I can't believe Dad starred in these... these ADULT MOVIES! Gyaah!" you scream anxiously.
Suddenly a bright flash fills your vision. You turn to see 4 kids. 3 girls (one of them seems familiar somehow) and a boy with a camera.
"Wow," says one with a thick southern accent, "this'll sure make fer a good scoop!"
"Indeed," says another filly with a more upper-class accent. "'Man watches adult movie starring own father' is a killer headline for our gazette!"
"Hey..." says the boy with the camera, "what's an adult movie?"
"Ah dunno," says the southern filly, "Ah guess it means it has violence and guns maybe?"
"GODDAMN!" you yell. "GIVE ME THAT CAMERA NOW!"
The 4 kids scream and run from you. You begin chasing them but find yourself tackled to the ground by a member of the royal guard.
"So, you're the kind of sicko that chases kids, huh?!" he barks in your ear.
"Aggh! You don't understand! Get off!" you cry while trying to push him off you.
"Looks like we've got a tricky criminal scum here!" he barks before his friends come and start beating on you.
"Owww..." you whine as you wake up in a nondescript white room.
"Ow indeed," says a semi-sadistic voice next to you. You turn to see Nurse Redheart.
"What the... why am I in hospital?!" you ask.
"One of the royal guard who tackled you seems to have been a bit overzealous. Overzealous in that you now seem to have a fractured skull," she says.
Suddenly, your head begins throbbing in pain at this revelation.
Redheart hops up onto the stool next to your bed and smiles at you with a disconcerting amount of sociopathy. "Now, why don't you tell me what happened? Why the Guards had to take you down like that?" she cackles.
"There was a misunderstanding. That's all," you say.
"No no no," Redheart says, "I want to hear every detail . In fact," she says as she bends down to pick up a newspaper off your bedside table, "why don't you use this to help you illustrate?"
You look at the newspaper.
LOCAL STALLION DEVELOPS PERVERSE INTEREST IN OWN FATHER, WATCHES EXPLICIT MOVIE is the headline, complete with the picture of you holding the tape.
You groan in frustration and throw the paper across the room.
"Ugh, at least things can't get any worse," you say exasperatedly.
"Oh yeah," Redheart says, "I forgot to tell you that you're still technically under arrest so as soon as I let you out of hospital you're going straight to jail." She smiles. "Send me a postcard when you're there! Tell me all about it!" She cackles dementedly again.
You sigh. Being a personal assistant sucks.