Chapter 1 - The Quest for Ego
You were hugging yourself, walking in the cold snow, you were dressed heavily in multiple coats, a beanie, a huge scarf, thermal wear, pants, and snow boots. And yet, damn, it was still so cold. Didn’t help you were about the size of a seven year old. “Dammit, Discord, seriously? When you said we were gonna go on a dimension whirlwind adventure to find a gift for Fluttershy, I didn’t think you meant going into the mirror from another timeline. Why are we even here?” You were deep in a forested area in a park, at the dead of night. “What does this have to do with Fluttershy?”
Discord just looked down, rather boredly, at a compass. His skin complexion was a little sickly, but he was well dressed in a brown suit, pants, fancy shoes, a red tie, and a well groomed set of hair and goatee. He even had some snazzy white gloves. He actually looked sophisticated, if it wasn’t for his crazy yellow and red eyes. “Huh? Fluttershy? Actually, nothing, she’s not the one I’m getting a gift for this year.”
Wut? “Seriously? You always get her a gift for Hearthwarming.”
Discord suddenly looked back at you with a perturbed and annoyed look as he gripped his compass. “And that would usually be the case, if it wasn’t for the fact that Chrysalis chose to get her a gift before I could make my announcement. You know why she did that, Anon. Fluttershy is not hers to give gifts to! That’s my job.”
C-cripes, you take a step back in worried surprise. Then begin to give it some thought. “...Couldn’t you still just give her a gift?”
“Absolutely not! Trust me, Anon…” Discord said as he began to walk forward, navigating the trees. “My logic is sound. Sure, I could one up her gift with a superior one of my own, but then everypony would simply call me petty. No, instead, I’ll give Twilight a gift she simply won’t be able to resist going on about. She’s the princess after all, my gift to her will overshadow Chrysalis’s pathetic… Whatever it is.”
…Nice… “So you just chose Twilight to take away attention from Chrysalis’s gift? How is that not petty?”
“Because everypony will be so surprised I even gave Twilight a gift that they won’t even think about it being petty.” Discord says as he looks back at you with a grin.
…
…
Sure, in backwards as fuck logic, that actually works. Ugh, he’s so ridiculous sometimes. Even then… “Fine, whatever. But what are we doing here? Why in this world? Twilight has seen humans before, remember, Starship Troopers? Unless we’re gonna find and kidnap her other self from this world, then I don’t see why we’re here. Especially since it’s so damn cold.”
“Humans? Oh heavens no, Anon. As you mentioned, she’s seen your human movies, so there would be no point. No, instead we’re hunting a few souls that used to reside in Equestria, in both this and our timelines. We’re simply going to snap a few photos, and I’m going to need you to do an interview; then we go back. No chaos needed whatsoever.” Discord said as he slowly began to look forward, looking at a rather dinghy van in the middle of the park. “The chaos will come from Chrysalis realizing she could never match my gift giving skills.”
Souls? “Ghosts? What, in that van? Who gives a damn about ghosts? We have ghosts in Equestria, don’t we?”
“Oh, Anon, with such a lesser vernacular than my own. Souls can mean the living as well. In fact, it’s actually three souls we’ll be gathering information about.” Discord said as he began to snap his fingers. He suddenly seemed a little perplexed. “Hrn, it seems this ‘Christmas’ spirit is having an effect on my magic.”
“Seriously? How does Hearthwarming have no effect on you but Christmas does?” Like, how does that make sense?
“I truly have no idea. But if I had to take a guess, it might be the fact that all this good will and ‘spirit of the holidays’ is in the air.” Discord says as he raises his finger, twirls it, then takes a lick before shuddering at the supposed sour taste. “...Ehw. How positively dreadful.”
You just put your hand to your forehead and shook your head. “...And, again, how is that any different from Hearthwarming?”
Discord sighed at your ‘lack of understanding.’ “Need I explain my theory again? Anon, I need you to focus, for what lies within that tin can is beyond your imagination.”
Fucking christ, you swear he was just doing it to annoy yo-wait. “What do you mean? What three ‘souls’ live in there? And why do I have to do an interview? Why don’t you do it? It’s your gift.”
Discord once again sighed at your ignorance. “Because, Anon, I’m much too imposing, and quite frankly, too much of a patricianary being for those lesser than me to approach without hesitation. You, however, my adorable little boy, can extract exactly the information I need to ‘wow’ Twilight.”
You groaned as you trudged through the snow and took a closer look at the shabby van. “Okay… And, again, the three ‘souls’?” Damn, it was cold, you rubbed your gloved hands together. Man, things were easier when you were a pony. Or warmer at least.
“Isn’t it obvious? The sirens, of course. It’s been oh so long since I’ve last seen them. But, bah, I’m sure after so many many moons that they have forgiven me for my little mix up.” Discord said as he snickered.
Your eyes went wide as you turned your head back towards Discord. “The sirens? The fucking… Wait, the sirens? The Dazzlings?” They were canon to your dimension? Wut? Were they canon to the show’s canon? “You mean Sonata, Aria, and Adagio?”
Discord nodded as he stepped closer to inspect the van. “I believe that is their names, yes.”
Okay, he seems utterly nonchalant about that. Well, they weren’t dangerous, were they? No, you remember they lost their power after the movie. So, what? This is where they lived? This purple mystery machine looking van with some vomit green paint? You merely stared at the van for a while as Discord was snapping his fingers, causing sparks to fly as if it was an empty lighter. Suddenly, you feel a notebook and pen in your hands. “Wha? Ah, geez. Seriously? You couldn’t give me a laptop or someth-Hey! Are you expecting me to do ALL the work?! I thought I was going to interview them and you were going to write that shit down!”
Discord was only half listening to you as he was looking at his camera. “Hm? Wait, what? Oh no no, you’ll have to do all the writing since I’ll be taking the pictures. See, Anon, with this particular camera, I can take pictures of both their human forms and what lies underneath to further enhance our research. Besides, why are you getting mad? That pen and notebook is better than any laptop. They are enchanted to make sure you write down everything that’s important, even if it ends up giving you carpal tunnel.” Discord then stopped to ponder on that. “Hrn, I wonder how that’d translate to your hooves once we go back…”
You raise a finger to object, and to ask how the hell he knows the sirens exactly, but then you stop yourself. You knew if you asked him, then the only answer you’d get is his bullshit. Since you were going to do the interviewing, and you wanted to get back to Ponyville, you figured you’d just get this done and go home, damned be the carpal tunnel. Wait… “What are you doing?”
Discord was snapping his fingers once again until he formed… A taco? Oh no, come on… “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m using bait.”
“A taco? Why the hell-” Wait a moment, what a goddamn minute. “If this is related to Sonata, how the fuck do you know she likes tacos?”
“How do you think I know? I, and the Discord of this Equestrian dimension, introduced it to her. It’s how I first made contact with them, you know? I only needed to convince one to ensna-I mean, speak with the other two. Of course, this was many, many, many moons ago.” Discord said as he put the taco on a string of a fishing pole and held it towards the sliding door.
You narrowed your eyes towards Discord as you pointed towards him. “You fucked with them before, haven’t you?”
“Tch, vulgar language as usual.” Discord said with an eyeroll.
“You know what I mean! Discord, they aren’t going to tell us shit if they hate you!” You yelled back at him.
“Correction, they’d hate this dimension’s Discord. So there’s nothing to be angry about.” Discord said nonchalantly.
Your eye was twitching from how annoying he was being. “You did the same shit he did!”
“Correct… But to our dimension’s sirens. And who knows what happened to them, considering this human realm isn’t adjacent to our own reality. Really, Anon, can you stop your whining and just knock already?” Discord said as he waved his fingers towards you dismissively.
You gripped the pen and notebook tightly as you groaned and turned towards the door. You could have spent some time riding on Capper’s airship and hanging with the gang for a while. But noooooooooo, you had to agree to help with this stupid bullshit, because you thought it’d help Fluttershy. Good job, Anon, you’re a goddamn retard. You look up for a moment to see the taco dangling over you. You sighed, looked forward, and knocked on the van’s sliding door. “Hello? Anyone th-woah!”
In an instant, a familiar blue haired girl, with her hair down and in baby blue jammies, a coat over it, stepped out sleepily as she raised her hands to grab the taco, and yank it from the line. She then began to devour it in one fucking bite, moaning to herself. It was Sonata…
And fucking hell…
She looked pretty cute.
You were blushing just a bit, you had forgotten what the fairer sex in human form looked like face to face. But dammit, you would not let yourself fall for it. You’ve grown past this, dammit. You will not be seduced so easily! “Excuse me, miss! Can I have a mome-g-g-g-g” You were now deep red as she was rubbing her hands gently across your cheeks. You couldn’t even say a word as she suddenly brought her face closer to yours. W-what? This was so sudden, and…
And…
“Gyah! AGH!” You jumped back holding your nose in pain. She bit it! She bit your nose! And not in a kinky way! Did she think it was a taco?! And of course Discord was laughing his ass off. You were about to turn around and just stab him with the pen when Sonata suddenly became aware and awake.
“Hey…” Sonata was licking her lips and smacking her gums for a moment, as if she knew she ate something tasty. “Huh… What a weird dream, and it tasted so real, I swear I still got some sauce in my mouth.” She continued to taste the air for another moment before she noticed the two of you. “Hm? Hey, what are you guys doing out here on Christmas Eve? Like, erm, we aren’t doing any shows tonight or tomorrow. Which is kind of a bummer because I always liked the idea of Christmas… But we never celebrate it.”
Well, that was kind of on the nose. But dammit, just stick with the plan. Whatever this was, the Mane Humans can deal with it. “Um, sorry to bother you. But um, me and my partner here were wondering if you’d do an interview with us.”
Discord groaned as he stepped forward and took charge of the situation. He was grumbling about how that was such a lousy introduction from you. Of course, he then put on his sleazy smile and bowed towards Sonata. “An interview indeed, but allow ME to introduce ourselves first. I’m the renowned reporter, Mr.D! And this is my assistant. We have scoured the world looking for the most interesting story for our international journal. And you, my dear, have caught our eyes. In fact, it isn’t just you we’d like to interview, but your bandmates as well. We want to know every little detail. And if you’re wondering what the reward will be, well, I can tell you you’ll be acknowledged by a very well known and somewhat powerful princess. What do you say, will you help us make history?”
“Ummmmmm…” Sonata just gave a dumb little stare for a moment before taking a closer look at the both of you and pointing. “I think I know you.”
Both you and Discord were caught aback by those words. The both of you saying. “You do?”
“Mhmm, I know I do.” Sonata said with a sure smile before pointing at you. “You’re a child labor law violation! Oh, and he’s a serious example of how not to take care of eye infections.”
Both you and Discord just stood there, stunned. Well, she wasn’t fucking wrong, and you would have found that hilarious if it wasn’t for the fact that you came to the realization that this wasn’t going to go as quickly as you wanted.
Hoo boy, this was gonna be terrible.