The Knack
Dear Diary,
Once again, I find myself entrusting these pages with the burden of my soul, for there are none in this pastel-hued kingdom who would comprehend the depths of my despair. Another day dawns, its brilliance mocking the shadows that linger within.
Father persists in his futile endeavour to teach me the art of flight, as if soaring amidst the cotton candy clouds could dispel the storm that perpetually shrouds my heart. Oh, how he stumbles in his earnestness, like a foal learning to walk on legs too long for its own body. His well-intentioned efforts only serve to exacerbate my internal turmoil, leaving me grounded, both in body and spirit.
Yesterday's lesson was yet another lamentable display of my inadequacy. With each failed attempt to take flight, my wings feel heavier, burdened not only by the weight of my own self-doubt but also by the expectations that loom above me like a dark storm threatening to unleash its fury. The ache in my wings mirrors the ache in my soul, a relentless reminder of my inability to break free from the gravity that binds me to this existence.
I yearn to escape the confines of this saccharine realm, to spread my wings and soar into the vast expanse of the unknown, where shadows dance and whispers of darkness beckon me with promises of understanding. Yet, like a caged raven longing for the freedom of the midnight sky, I remain ensnared in this gilded cage of sunshine and rainbows, unable to spread my wings and embrace the darkness that calls to me from the depths of my being.
And yet, there is an additional layer of complexity to this already tangled web of frustration and despair. These flight lessons are being conducted in secret, hidden from the prying eyes of mother. Father claims that it is a deceit born of necessity, for she does not approve of our persistence against the instructions of the doctors. Myself, I cannot bear the thought of her witnessing my failures, her disappointment in me a weight too heavy to bear. Oh, how the guilt gnaws at my insides, twisting and writhing like a serpent coiled around my heart.
Each failed attempt at flight only serves to deepen the chasm between myself and those who seek to guide me. They cannot fathom the tempest that rages within, nor do they possess the courage to venture into the labyrinth of my mind in search of the truth that lies hidden beneath the facade of indifference.
Until the day when I am finally able to break free from the shackles of my own limitations, I shall remain here, imprisoned by the confines of my own existence, seeking solace in the silence of my solitude and finding refuge in the shadows that cloak my soul like-
A loud knock at the door interrupted the young filly. With a start, her entire body froze. Rigid, with panic, trapped between the options of fight or (ironically) flight. Her quill fluttered to the floor, and she slammed her diary shut just in the nick of time. The doorknob rattled, and she jerked her neck to flick aside the long, jet black streaks of her mane that covered her eyes. Through gaps in the strands of hair, she made out a frosty white head leaning into the room, a blue mane adorning its head.
"Flurry, sweetie," the stallion whispered. "Ready? Your mom's gonna be busy with afternoon court for a while, you wanna try some more? I think I've had a breakthrough, I know where we've been going wrong."
Flurry Heart, lying prone on her bed, buried her head in her hooves. "I don't know, Dad," she moaned. "It's not like anything's going to change. I still can't do it, no matter how hard I try. It's hopeless."
Shining Armor's ears drooped slightly at her response, but he maintained a reassuring smile. "I know it's been tough, sweetheart, but we can't give up. We'll figure it out together, I promise."
The filly sighed. As a baby, she had effortlessly soared through the air, giggling with delight as she chased after colorful butterflies and fluffy clouds. But as she grew older, that innate ability had slipped away, leaving her grounded and bewildered. The doctors had been baffled by her condition, conducting countless examinations and tests in a futile attempt to uncover the cause of her sudden inability to fly. Yet, despite their expertise, they could offer no explanation, leaving Flurry Heart feeling like a puzzle with missing pieces.
Receiving no reply, Shining Armor pushed the door open and entered the dimly-lit room. Stepping over piles of black turtlenecks, metal chokers and vinyl records for bands that he dare not even attempt to pronounce the names of, he came to sit on the bed next to Flurry Heart. He rested a reassuring hoof on her shoulder.
"Look," he murmured. "I know the whole 'trying and failing' is a rough deal. But you're getting so close, I can feel it. I don't care what the doctors say, you've got a real chance here. So I'll tell you what. You give this one more try, for me, and I'll get you those tickets to the band you wanted to see."
"Really?" Flurry Heart gasped, her head shooting up from between her hooves to meet her father's gaze. At least, attempted to, as the dyed streaks of mane fell once again to their preferred position, obscuring her eyes. "You'll let me go see Morbid Mare's Midnight Mourning? Even though mom hates them?"
With a chuckle, Shining Armor reached over with a hoof, brushing the mane away from his daughters eyes, revealing her dark cyan irises that were strongly highlighted by the heavy application of black eyeliner.
"I promise," he said with a cheeky grin. "What your mom doesn't know, can't hurt her. Right?"
Exercising muscles that she rarely had need to utilize in recent months, Flurry Heart's muzzle twisted into a small smile. She allowed a small glimmer of excitement to intermingle with her naturally developed doubts and scepticism. Despite her reservations, the prospect of seeing her favourite band live was enough to soften her resistance.
"Okay, Dad," she relented with a sigh. "I'll give it one more try. But don't get your hopes up. I don't want to disappoint you."
Shining Armor's smile widened, his eyes reflecting pride and determination. "That's my girl," he said, pulling her into a gentle embrace. "I believe in you, Flurry. We'll take this one step at a time, together. And for the record, you could never disappoint me."
Flurry Heart shrugged. "Never say never. Let's just get this over with."
Stepping carefully over the detritus of pre-teen angst, the pair exited the dark bedroom. Though, Flurry Heart quickly found herself furrowing her brow in confusion. Their usual route towards flying practice normally took them downstairs, out of the castle and towards the quieter areas of the main park just a few blocks away. Instead, with a playful grin, Shining Armor led her up the stairs.
"Dad, where are we going?" Flurry Heart asked, wearing her scepticism in the tone of her voice as plainly as she wore black in her mane.
Shining Armor glanced back at her, his playful smile shifting towards a reassuring one. "We're going somewhere a little different today, Flurry," he replied cryptically. "Trust me, okay?"
One of Flurry Heart's eyebrows rose, but hidden behind the mane still resolutely hanging in front of her face, it went unnoticed by her father. "Can I get some explanation to back up that request for trust?"
"Alright, here's the idea, Flurry," Shining Armor said as he continued to climb up the stairs. "One of my favourite authors wrote a real simple thesis on flight. He wrote 'there is an art, or rather, a knack to flying. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss'. It's the second part that's the hard part, see?"
"That's an understatement. So how is a pony falling at terminal velocity supposed to 'miss' the ground?"
"By being distracted at the last second, so you forget to hit the ground."
"Dad, that's stupid."
"It's genius!"
"So how does this 'genius' plan come into play?"
"Like so," Shining Armor replied as he reached the top of the stairs, pointing towards the doorway.
Beyond the doors, was a balcony. A prominent feature nestled on the side of the Crystal Castle, famously used for all public addresses from the royal family to their subjects. It offered an unparalleled view out into the city and the sprawling mountains beyond. Her curiosity piqued, Flurry Heart strolled over to the guardrail, and looked down. On the thoroughfare below, a large inflatable crashmat had been set up, drawing the attention of curious onlookers. Guards flanked it on all sides to avoid any ponies passing by from getting too close. From this height, the ponies all looked like ants.
"Oh, heck no," she baulked. "You have got to be kidding me, dad."
"Alright, fair enough," Shining Armor conceded with a shrug. "It's just, it's the last VIP box seating for Morbid Mare. Apparently it involves a backstage tour, and meeting the band. How could I forgive myself if I let you miss out on that?"
Stunned silence. Eyes narrowed to pinpricks. Flurry Heart found herself genuinely struggling to decide. Missing out on her favourite band, or a risking a violent demise and her limp form having to be scraped off the sidewalk below. Many ponies in her position would already be halfway to the ground by now, but she had enough of a sense of self-preservation to at least stop and think first. Her eyes were drawn down to the crash mat.
"Meeting Morbid Mare's Midnight Mourning," she mused, practically whispering to herself. "That would be so cool. VIP access, a backstage tour... It's everything I've ever wanted. But jumping from here? That's insane. What if I get hurt? What if I can't do it? Dad might believe in me, but what if he's wrong? And Mom... She'd be so disappointed if she found out we've been sneaking around like this. And if I survive, she'll kill me."
Tilting her head, she looked back at Shining Armour. Leaning nonchalantly against the doorframe, he offered her a reassuring wave. 'It's all good', he seemed to be suggesting.
"But then again, I can't let Dad down," she continued, her gaze directed downwards once more. "He's trying so hard to help me. And missing out on this opportunity... It could be once in a lifetime. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Maybe I should just go for it. But what if something goes wrong? What if I fail? No, I can't do it. It's too risky. But then again..."
*thud*
"Go sweetie, go!" Shining Armor yelled, his voice full of encouragement.
To an outside observer, all anypony would have seen is a streak of pink, purple and black tumbling down from the balcony towards the crash mat, limbs flailing as a high pitched scream pierced the air. And in fact, this scream did draw the attention of everypony on the ground, and hundreds of heads raised up to watch the helpless filly fall downwards at impressive speed. What none of them would have realised, however, was that the white stallion still stood on the balcony had, moments before, charged at her with his head slung low. In a deft movement, he'd raised his head and lifted her upwards, using his momentum to propel her forwards, over the railing.
It had been a momentary realisation. Ding, a lightbulb moment. Going by the logic of his thesis, or rather the thesis of his favourite author, Flurry Heart would have to be too distracted in her descent to remember to hit the ground. And being angry at being pushed would be a sufficient distraction.
He was confident. This would be the breakthrough they had been waiting for, that his daughter would finally spread her wings and take flight once more. He watched with bated breath as Flurry's descent seemed to stretch on endlessly, her screams piercing the evening air and echoing off the walls of the castle. A fair reaction to the situation, he conceded. But with her cries receding as gravity pulled her downwards, he assured himself that her instincts would take over.
Any moment now. She'd fly. Any moment...
Shining Armor frowned. At first, he'd been certain that this was to be the tipping point that would get Flurry Heart airborne of her own accord once more. But as seconds morphed and stretched, turning into minutes as she showed no signs of soaring, doubt crept into Shining Armor's mind like a chilling shadow. The gasps and shrieks from the ponies at street level seemed to add to the growing doubt as his anxiety grew tenfold.
"C'mon, sweetie," he muttered, leaning over the balcony to look down at her shrinking, and still flailing, form. "You can do it."
As Flurry Heart drew nearer to the ground, becoming increasingly blurred by speed, Shining Armor's heart sank in his chest. Had he been too optimistic? Had he pushed his daughter too far, too fast? Each passing moment felt like an eternity, her echoing screams a ringing reminder of the hubris Shining Armor had brought down upon himself.
And then, with a sickening thud, Flurry Heart collided with the crash mat, her screams reaching a crescendo before abruptly cutting off. The sound hung in the air like a dark cloud, instantaneously replaced by a great, terrible silence. Shining Armor watched in horror as the microscopic specks of the Crystal Guard starting shouting to each other, rushing to the crash mat where Flurry Heart's limp form lay unmoving. Shouts from the guard echoed through the arched structure below the castle, intermingled with more gasps and cries from ponies who had bore witness to the entire scene.
"Oh, flanks," Shining Armor moaned as his ears fell limp. "Cadence is going to kill me."
Tense atmosphere hung thick in the air. Flurry Heart sat slumped in a wheelchair, her grumpy demeanour exaggerated by the thick bandages and bruises that adorned her fragile frame. Her mother sat beside her, spoon-feeding her soup with gentle care, her teary eyes filled with a motherly level of concern. This was a task she refused to delegate to any of the castle staff. Only she would care for her daughter.
"Here, sweetie, try to eat some more," Cadence urged softly, her voice tender as she guided the spoon towards Flurry's mouth with a shaking hoof. "You need to keep up your strength."
Flurry Heart obediently opened her mouth as much as she could, wincing slightly as the spoon neared her lips. The taste of the soup was bland and unappetizing, but she forced herself to swallow it, conceding to her mother's wishes. Oh, how she longed to spill the beans about exactly what had happened. To shout from the rooftops how she'd been hesitant, and her father had pushed her too hard. Literally. She longed to tell Cadence everything, but the wires and brackets that held her jaw shut rendered her completely voiceless.
"It's okay, sweetheart," Cadence whispered, wincing as she watched Flurry Heart try not to recoil at the taste of the soup. "We'll get through this together. I'm here for you, always. Your father too."
As if on cue, the doors to the dining room creaked open, and the sound of heavy stomping hoofsteps made their way across the room. Cadence looked up, a small smile forming on her face as her husband approached. Shining Armor shot her a smile of his own in reply, his expression softening when his eyes shifted to linger on his daughter's bandaged form.
"Hey Cadence. Flurry, sweetheart," he said, his voice filled with genuine concern. "How are you feeling today?"
Flurry Heart met her father's gaze with a mixture of resignation and accusation, her eyes silently questioning the role he had played in her predicament. Anger and frustration welled up inside her, and yet she remained silent. Or rather, was forced to remain silent, unable to voice her thoughts due to the constraints of her injured jaw.
Cadence, sensing the tension in the air, looked back and forth between her husband and daughter, before trying to shift the conversation onwards. "Shining, darling, you're back earlier than I expected," she remarked. "How was your day?"
Shining Armor forced a smile of his own, though it did little to mask the guilt that gnawed at him from within. "Oh, you know, the usual fun stuff," he replied, trying to sound casual as he took his seat at the table. "I had meetings with the councillors regarding the upcoming trade negotiations with Yakyakistan, and then there were reports to review from the new Crystal Guard recruits. Just the usual paperwork and bureaucracy, nothing too exciting. I just wanted to get done, see how my girls were doing."
"She's doing good, I think," Cadence said, gently resting a hoof on Flurry's shoulder. "Doctor Haystead came in to give her a check-up, he thinks her jaw is healing well but she'll need the wires on for another four or five weeks. I'm just trying to keep her morale up."
Shining Armor nodded, his gaze shifting to his daughter once more. "You're a trooper, Flurry," he said, forcing some notes of admiration into his voice. "You'll be back to your old self in no time, I'm sure of it."
Flurry Heart remained silent, her eyes fixed on her half-eaten bowl of soup, her thoughts swirling with a mixture of frustration, resentment, and a deep-seated longing for the freedom she so desperately craved. And how much she would dearly like to slap her father.
As the awkward silence stretched on, Shining Armor cleared his throat, trying to lighten the mood. "So, Flurry, I was thinking," he began, a hint of hesitation in his voice. "Once you're feeling better, maybe we could... I don't know, go see a concert together? I hear Morbid Mare is playing in Canterlot near the end of the year. It could be fun."
Cadance gasped. "Shining Armor, you know how much I hate that music. You can't be serious?"
"Why not?" he shot back with a noncommittal shrug. "She needs something to look forward to."
A sharp knock resounded through the room, breaking through the tense moment like a bolt of lightning. All heads turned towards the door as a crystalline guard pony stepped into the room, his expression solemn and professional.
"Princess Cadence," he said, his voice carrying a sense of urgency. "I apologize for the interruption, but you are needed at evening court. There's an urgent matter that requires your attention."
Cadence's smile faltered slightly at the interruption, but she nodded in understanding. "Thank you for informing me," she replied, rising from her seat and setting aside the bowl of soup. She cast a wary glance at Flurry Heart and Shining Armor before turning to the guard. "Lead the way."
With a respectful nod, the guard pony turned and led Cadence out of the room, leaving Flurry Heart and Shining Armor alone once more. The silence that followed was heavy with unspoken emotions, the absence of Cadence's presence leaving a palpable void in the room.
"I'll talk her around," Shining Armor assured. "I know how much you wanted to see them while they were here, so I figured Canterlot would be a good compromise. How's that sound?"
Flurry Heart sat there, glaring at her father in silence, her expression deadpan and unshifting.
"And I figure that if we do that," Shining Armor continued. "The full VIP backstage experience, with meeting the band for a private autograph session... then maybe when the time comes for your jaw brace to come off... we don't have to tell your mother the full story about what happened. What do you think?"
Flurry Heart's expression softened at her father's words. Despite her lingering frustration and resentment, there was a flicker of appreciation for his efforts to make amends. She knew he was trying his best to support her, even if his methods sometimes missed the mark. Much in the same way that she'd missed the dead centre of the crash mat, and had taken more brunt from the impact than she should have.
She heaved a weary sigh out through her nostrils, and gave the most barely perceptible nod.
With a loud sigh of relief, Shining Armor reached for the bowl of soup and picked up where Cadence had left off, scooping small amounts to Flurry Heart's mouth. For a moment, a look of understanding passed between father and daughter. A sense that he had been doing his utmost to overcome insurmountable odds, for her benefit. And that he'd gone too far. He regretted it. But he would make up for it, with small gestures like he was at that moment, and with grander promises such as a concert Cadence expressly forbade. It would be a shared act of rebellion, a bonding experience, a tender moment between parent and child.
Until they got home afterwards. Flurry Heart knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she would let her father uphold his end of the bargain. Then she'd throw him under the bus, and tell Cadence everything.
The thought made her smile.