Oh, the equinity...
"Yak get butter in fur! Yaks like butter for EATING, not wearing!" growled Yona as she stood in the ruins of the School of Friendship's kitchen. All of her other friends were having just as miserable a time.
"We've been at this for hours," complained Smolder, as she went to a window, threw it open, and tried to clear the room of smoke. She glared over her shoulder. "I think it's time we admit we need professional help!"
Gallus ruffled his feathers. "I am getting professional help, there's no need to—"
"Professional BAKING help," she finished, cutting him a look, while still fanning the smoke. His beak went red.
"I knew that!" he said, while still trying to salvage his dignity. He spared a glance at the train wreck that was supposed to be blueberry muffins...oozing down the table...and added, "What about the rest of you? Think we should call it, and go talk to Professor Pinkie?" Sandbar, Ocellus, Silverstream, and Yona, all covered in various amounts of flour, butter, wet dough, and smoke, all stared at him.
"Was that a serious question?"
In the newly cleaned and restored kitchen of the School, the lessons began...
"Alright, listen up!" cried Pinkie as she marched in front of the kids while wearing a combat helmet. All of them were in a line, wearing chef's whites and trying to stand at attention."You say you want to be bakers?! You think you got what it takes?! Huh?! DO YOU?!"
"Pinkie..." began Mrs. Cake...
"Not now, Mrs. Cake! I need to whip these EXCUSES into shape!" She stopped in front of Gallus. "You! What's your name?!"
"Professor Pinkie, you know my—"
"Insubordination! Give me ten laps around the kitchen!" When he hesitated, she shouted, "MOVE!" He startled and began running, but before he could make it past Mrs. Cake she gently drew him aside and let him sit down.
Out of the side of her mouth, Smolder whispered to Yona, "...maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all..."
Yona grinned. "Yak LIKE training!"
Stepping back from the group, Pinkie ordered, "Right! I want each of you to stand before your tables, and grab your mixing bowls!" Her eyes narrowed, and a menacing glint formed within.
"We're gonna make...CUPCAKES..."
Outside of the School of Friendship, a solitary cloud appeared and stuck a single lightning bolt, as Pinkie quickly ran over to a record player, flipped it on, and eerie organ music filled the kitchen! Pinkie threw back her head and laughed maniacally...while Mrs Cake facehoofed and then started helping them with their projects.
After several hours of false starts and stops (and many, many accidents!) Pinkie had removed her helmet, taken up her chef's toque, and bounced around the kitchen, inspecting each creature's efforts. "Very good...very good...a little less fur in the batter, Yona...Ocellus? Not so much baking powder...Smolder?" She dipped a spoon into her batter and gave it a taste. "Little more salt..." Then she stood back and grinned.
"Looks like you all are doing well on the Basic Batter Portion! Now, Mrs. Cake and I will let you add your own ingredients and make each confection one-of-a-kind! You can use whatever you want! Then, we'll watch you with the Baking Step!" She then reached behind herself, took out a long, silvery object, and pressed a button on the side. Immediately, a glowing light appeared that hummed and thrummed as she passed it through the air. Assuming the lotus position and holding the silvery object up before her face, she closed her eyes, floated several feet off the floor, and intoned, "Remember your training, young padawans, and succeed you will!"
They all stared at her, and then Sandbar shrugged and said, "Okay, we'll try."
But Pinkie stuck out a hoof and held him in an invisible grip. "No! Do!...or do not." She opened her eyes and looked around at them all.
"There is no 'try.'"
Hours later, once the Ponyville Fire Department had gotten the worst of the flames under control, Pinkie, Mrs. Cake, and the Young Six were all sitting on the lawn, huddled in blankets as they watched the fire department continue to save the School.
"Well, it's a good thing it was the Holiday break, or that could have been much worse!" remarked Sandbar.
"I told you those Obsidian gems were a bad idea!" said Gallus. "Why'd you have to use so many?!" Smolder glowered back at him.
"...I like flammable rocks..." she muttered. Then she countered with, "And why did you use so many Ghost Peppers?!"
His eyes darted back and forth. "I like...hot things..."
Mrs. Cake cleared her throat and said, "The important thing is nopony...err...nocreature, got hurt." She smiled wanly. "I'm sure we can all try again soon!"
"Maybe..." said Smolder, while looking pointedly at Silverstream, "...IF I can ever get the smell of fish off my scales!"
Silverstream blushed, and said, "I thought Salmon Cupcakes were a good idea!"
Mrs. Cake reached over and patted her hoof. "They were, dear...they were. But...next time? Try gutting them instead of using the entire fish...and maybe not so many...so they don't explode inside the oven?"
"I managed to save one of my cupcakes!" piped up Ocellus. She held the monstrosity out for everycreature to see and brightly asked, "Would any like a bite?" All turned slightly green at the sight of something she'd dubbed 'The Everything Cupcake,' which described it almost literally. In the half-hour they'd been allotted to pick their own ingredients, she'd found every spice, every meat, every plant, and a bit of every liquid and tossed them into her batter with the idea, "More ingredients, more FLAVOR!", then placed the lot into the oven with a satisfied smile. As they watched, it oozed a green liquid and belched, and a few of them almost swore they saw it breathing.
"That...that's okay, Ocellus," managed Sandbar, as he fought mightily to keep from retching. The wind had shifted in his direction, bringing the "wonderful" smell of the "cupcake" fully into his unprepared nose. "You...go ahead and dig in; we wouldn't dream of depriving you..." He thought of his own attempt while looking at hers, and felt IMMENSELY better that his "Hay, Mac n' Cheese (with almonds!) cupcakes" hadn't survived the fire.
"Okay!" she laughed and brought it to her mouth. The moment became slow-motion as Pinkie threw off her blanket, formed the word, "NOOOO!!" and dove forward, knocking it out of her claw! She then reached into her mane, grabbed a shovel, quickly dug a six-foot hole, and dropped the THING inside. Then, she buried it, slammed the dirt down, and looked around at them, still panting.
"Let's never speak of this again..."
Yona smiled. "Yaks make best cupcake! Yona share with friends!" And from her fur, she produced a covered dish, which she proudly removed with a flourish! There, laid in a circle of twelve, were the most delicate, golden-brown, sweet-smelling cupcakes they'd seen that day! They all gazed in wonder at them, then at her.
"Yona..." breathed Sandbar, "...how did you do this?" He reached out and took one, brought it to his nose, and gave a deep sniff, then took a bite. Instantly, his tastebuds were transported to Nirvana, and he saw Colors and heard Sounds the likes of which he'd never experienced before!
Mrs. Cake (with her mouth full!) said, "Yona! Please! I must have this recipe!"
Yona blushed (under her fur) and said in a small voice, "Yona not know...Yona just...wing it."
They all laughed good-naturedly, and then Pinkie said, "If I still have a position here after Twilight finds out about this, we can all try once again!"
And so, having learned a valuable Friendship lesson, (and some Baking do's and NEVER do's!) they all went to Sugarcube Corner for some well-deserved treats!
The End!
Late that night, under a full Moon, there was a stirring under the dirt in front of the School of Friendship. A clod was disturbed, then fell away, then something poked out of the ground. The Everything Cupcake pulled itself up and croaked:
"I...LIVE!!"