Yeah, but He's MY Idiot
Sunny and Izzy stand in front of a small house tucked between two much larger buildings. It’s almost noon in Maretime Bay, and the midday sun is beating down on the pair with enough heat to make them wipe the sweat from their brows every few moments.
“Uhh, Izzy?”
“Hm?”
“I don’t think he’s gonna answer.”
The two have been standing there for about a full minute, waiting for any kind of movement following Izzy’s knock at the door.
“Maybe he’s still asleep? We didn’t exactly warn him that we were coming.”
“It’s almost noon. I know he likes sleeping in, but don’t you think this is a little much?”
“Who are we to judge what he does on his day off? Maybe humans just sleep a lot?”
“...I’m gonna call him.”
Izzy giggles as Sunny pulls out her cell phone. The two had decided to pay their newest friend a visit, as they tend to do every so often.
This friend is none other than Anon, Maretime Bay’s newest resident. The circumstances surrounding his arrival in the bay were a bit odd, as he just stumbled into town covered in dirt and minor wounds one afternoon, dazed and confused. The local populace wasn’t sure what to do about him.
Aside from running away in fear.
Anon is not a pony. Anon is a human. A tall, bipedal, fur-less creature that, although fully capable of thinking and acting like a pony, is typically seen as terrifying and/or disgusting.
It was no surprise, then, that it fell to Sunny and her friends to take care of him.
Apparently, Anon is not from Equestria at all. He has no idea how he ended up here, but so long as Sunny and her friends are around, they’re going to make sure he feels at home. He considers this to be a great blessing, as with no knowledge of how to return to his old life, Maretime Bay is his home now.
Thus, Sunny and Izzy are here to check in on him. He’s been living in the bay for almost a year now, and they try to do this about once a month at least. They bump into him more frequently than that (it’s not that big of a town) but these little get-togethers are to remind him that they care, and that they’re still thinking about him.
After a few moments, Anon picks up the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Anon!”
“Heya Sunny, what’s up?” Sunny notices that Anon is speaking quietly, even over the phone.
“Er, not much. Are you okay? You sound like you’re whispering.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m at the art gallery, so I’m trying to keep it down.”
Sunny exchanges a glance with Izzy, who shrugs at her.
“I didn’t know you liked art.”
“Sure I do. I didn’t know the bay had a gallery, but Posey invited me to come with her and–”
“W-wait. You’re with Posey?”
“...Yeah?”
“I didn’t know you two knew each other.”
“Sunny, she’s my–”
“You’re not supposed to have your phone out in here.” Another voice comes through the phone, this one clearly belonging to a mare. She sounds like she’s a bit far from the phone, tipping Sunny off to the fact that she’s speaking to Anon.
“Sorry, I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
Before she can respond, Anon hangs up on Sunny.
“Izzy? Did you know about this?”
“Oh yeah, Anon loves the fine arts! He’s really into painting, and music, and sculpting, and these little models of stallions in space suits, and–”
“No no, I meant about Posey.”
“What about her?”
“She’s friends with Anon?”
“Of course she is! Why? Is that a problem?”
“N-no, it’s not a problem,” she says with a nervous chuckle, “it’s just… unexpected.”
“Why’s that?”
“Well… Posey wasn’t exactly keen on accepting pegasi and unicorns once we all brought magic back to Equestria.”
“So? She’s best friends with Windy now, right? Windy is a pegasus, so why wouldn’t she be okay with Anon?”
“I…” Sunny sighs. “You’re right. I’m probably being too harsh on her.”
“It’s a good thing that he’s making friends. AND that he’s so interested in art!” Izzy happily saunters over to a nearby wall, which appears to have a beautiful graffiti mural painted on it. “Wonder if he likes Sneaksy’s work? I bet she I MEAN I bet they would appreciate his insight.”
Sunny laughs as she starts to walk down the street past Izzy.
“Well, I’m no artist… unless you count smoothie making as an art. But, I’m not sure illegal street art is his forte.” Izzy scrunches up her nose at that, but Sunny doesn’t notice. “Why don’t we go ask him? I still haven’t checked out the art gallery since the last time we visited. Apparently they added a whole new wing to it!”
“Ooo, I can show you a thing or two! There’s this lovely little piece Rufus made about a mare wearing a pearl earring that you just have to see!”
“Haha, yeah…”
Sunny trails off as Izzy begins to excitedly rant about her favorite artists and artistic styles. In truth, Sunny doesn’t really understand art. Under most circumstances, she wouldn’t have much interest in a gallery like this. However, something about that phone call felt off to her.
…It couldn’t hurt to just check up on him, right?
Anon and Posey stand alone in the Maretime Bay art gallery. Art is a bit of a niche hobby in the area, so the fact that this gallery exists at all is something of an enigma. As a result, the gallery is almost completely empty.
On the wall before them hangs a beautiful watercolor painting. It depicts a massive green landscape, the details of which have been obscured away. The clouds above are gray and drab, which contrasts the vibrant green hills illuminated by a sun that, despite the clouds, remains miraculously unobscured somewhere out of frame. In the distance, a massive gray city looms over the land, the artistic style and distance from the viewer both removing what could be any sort of specific identifiable features.
Posey glances at Anon, stifling a giggle when she sees the deep red beret on his head. She gave it to him as a gift this morning, and it matches the one she wears on her own head. Unfortunately, she got it a size too big, and it hangs lopsidedly off the side of his head. Despite that, he was so excited by the gift that he insisted upon wearing it anyway.
“What do you think?” she whispers as she leans towards him. “You’ve been staring at this one for a while.”
“...It reminds me of something. Like a memory I’ve mostly forgotten, but is still there somewhere.”
Posey smiles a gentle smile. She interpreted the piece entirely differently, but she’s never been able to have a discussion about art like this since… well, ever. She doesn’t exactly have a lot of friends, and even the ponies that do want to hang out with her (like Windy) don’t really share her hobbies.
“That’s lovely,” she whispers. “A memory, huh?”
“What about you?”
She chuckles.
“Well, it mostly just reminds me of first-degree burns.”
Anon blinks before turning towards her.
“Uh, why is that?”
“Because the last time I tried to appreciate it, Izzy walked up behind me with a bowl of scalding-hot tomato soup. I don’t know why in Equestria she would bring that into an art gallery, or why she just so happened to trip when she was right behind me, or why the entire bowl landed on my face, but let’s just say that this piece wasn’t exactly on the forefront of my mind.”
“Hehe, you seriously have the worst luck when it comes to Izzy.”
“And all of her friends,” she mumbles as she rolls her eyes. “It seems like they go out of their way to ruin my day sometimes.”
“Come on, they’re not so bad.” Anon leans over and scratches the back of Posey’s neck. It catches her off guard, and although she at first stiffens up, she quickly melts at his touch. “I know for a fact they’re not doing it on purpose.”
Posey lets out a contented sigh.
“I wish they could be more like you.”
“Personally, I appreciate how different they are.” Anon stops scratching and gives her a quick boop on the nose. “Besides, it’s not like Izzy’s gonna pour scalding-hot tomato soup on your face a second time, right?”
“Wow Izzy, you were right! It was a good idea to stop by the scalding-hot tomato soup store before coming here!”
Oh dear.
Anon and Posey turn around to face the entrance to the gallery’s newest wing, which also happens to be their only exit. Standing in the doorway are none other than Sunny Starscout and Izzy Moonbow, both of whom are carrying steaming bowls of tomato soup.
“Is food even allowed in the gallery?” Anon asks.
“No matter how hard I tried to convince the proprietors that it was a bad idea, they just wouldn't budge on that.”
“Huh.”
“Anon!” Sunny excitedly rushes towards the pair, a bright smile on her face. “There you are!”
“Hiya Sunny,” he replies with a smile. “I’m a bit surprised, I didn’t take you for an art lover.”
“Oh, well… you know me!” Sunny anxiously taps her hoof on the freshly waxed floor. “Always trying new things!”
Posey raises an eyebrow.
“I thought you said you didn’t understand art the last time you were–”
“Haha anyway how are you doing?!”
“I’m fine,” Anon whispers while motioning for Sunny to lower her voice. “Posey and I were just checking out some of the new pieces here at the gallery.”
“Yeah, I… I can see that.” An awkward smile is stretched across Sunny’s face as she glances between the grinning Anon and the unamused Posey. “I didn’t expect the two of you to, uh, get along so well.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” Posey asks while narrowing her eyes at Sunny.
“N-nothing bad! I just didn’t take you two as the types to share a lot of hobbies.”
“Anon is a man of many interests. And unlike some ponies, he makes an effort to respect my wishes. And not make me the victim of a given day’s antics.”
“Haha yeah he’s great isn’t he?” Sunny’s words are extremely quick as her anxious glances speed up. It’s clear that she’s crossing a line she shouldn’t. She isn’t sure why she thought coming here would be a good idea, it’s not like Anon can’t look after himself. “Well, Izzy and I are going to get going here–”
“HI POSEY!”
Izzy, who up until this point had been distracted by a framed photo of some street art, suddenly rushes towards the trio, soup still in hoof. Posey gasps as, almost predictably, Izzy trips mere feet in front of her. The soup goes flying out of her grasp, and in the instant she has to think, Posey closes her eyes as she braces for impact.
She isn’t even particularly mad. She’s shockingly used to this. She’s just… tired.
…But the soup never hits her.
She opens her eyes in surprise, only to see a large, bipedal figure standing in front of her. Anon, who had been standing next to her, moved at the last possible second. She quickly shuffles to his side, immediately noticing the soup all over his chest and lower chin. His somewhat fancy clothing is completely ruined by the thick, smelly mess.
“Anon! Are you okay?!”
Anon stands perfectly still, his eyes closed and his expression surprisingly stoic. He remains quiet for several moments until he finally squeaks out a response.
“...It burns.”
“Let’s get those clothes off and put some ice on you, big guy.”
Posey practically shoves Anon out the door, leaving Sunny and Izzy to watch on with guilt as they leave the gallery in a hurry.
“That could have gone better,” Sunny mumbles.
Anon sits in a large recliner in Posey’s living room. Her house is a ways out from Maretime Bay’s downtown area, so they had a bit of a long walk. A walk made all the more awkward by the fact that Anon was shirtless, but it’s better than wearing the shirt covered in soup hot enough to burn.
Several ice packs are laid out across Anon’s chest, and Posey enters the room with a fresh bag to replace the first one she placed on him.
“Here, put this one on your neck.”
“Thanks, Posey. I’m sorry for all the trouble.”
“Peh, don’t be,” she says with a chuckle. “You saved me from suffering the same fate. This is the least I could do.”
“Still, I don’t want to be a bother.”
“Hah!” Posey throws her head back before taking a seat in a stool she placed right next to the recliner. “Trust me Nonny, aside from Windy, you’re the only creature I’ll never get tired of.” She sighs. “Plus, I suppose you’re starting to realize what those ponies put me through on a daily basis.”
Anon stares at her for a moment before smiling.
“You don’t actually hate them, do you?”
“Wh-who said I hate them?”
“Nopony specifically. I think you just have a bit of a… well, let’s just call it a reputation.”
Posey’s eyes shift away from Anon’s own and towards the floor.
“I’ve… done some things I’m not proud of. I’m trying to do better.” She sighs yet again, which Anon has noticed is a common occurrence from her. “And yes, they do drive me crazy. I’d be lying if I said I don’t dread running into them whenever I’m out and about.” She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. “But I don’t hate them. I know they don’t do what they do on purpose. Usually, at least. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve become a bit of an expert when it comes to treating minor burns, head trauma, and a messed up coat and mane because of them.”
“Have you told them that?”
“Why would I?”
“I just wonder if they might feel similar about you. They’re good ponies. They don’t want to hurt you, and aside from maybe Izzy, they probably don’t like bumping into you either. Just… for the opposite reason.”
“Yes, well, if being kind encourages them to be around me more, I’d rather not. For my safety, if nothing else.” She looks up after letting out a single incredulous laugh. “And yours, apparently.”
Anon chuckles.
“Well, if being around them provides another opportunity to have you take care of me, maybe I should ask them to visit you more often.”
“Anon!” He begins to laugh heartily, and despite her protest, Posey does the same. “You’re an idiot, you know that?”
“Yeah, but I’m YOUR idiot.”
“...Hehe.” Posey leans forward and places a kiss on his cheek. “That you are.”
She attempts to pull away, but Anon gently stops her with a free hand. Before she can react, he pulls her down once again, this time kissing her on the lips. She lightly gasps in surprise, but quickly closes her eyes and lets it happen. Despite the pain searing through part of his chest, Anon holds her close for what feels like hours.
Eventually, they have to pull back for air. When they do so, they’re both a bit red in the face and grinning from ear to ear.
“Are you ever gonna let me tell them about us? They are some of my closest friends.”
“Ugh, I’d rather push that off for as long as I can. Sunny has a habit of being a bit…” Posey trails off as her attention is grabbed by something outside of her front window. Anon follows her gaze, and he immediately locks eyes with a shocked-looking orange mare. Sunny and Izzy stand right outside the window, peering at the two with wide eyes and lowered jaws. “Clingy.”
“You two are DATING?!” Sunny looks to be in a state of complete shock.
Meanwhile, Izzy’s surprise quickly melts away in favor of sheer, unbridled happiness.
“Congratulations you two!”
Without missing a beat, Posey stands from the stool, walks towards the window, and shuts the curtains in their faces.
“How long do you think they were watching?” Anon asks with an amused smile on his face.
“Don’t know. Don’t care.” Posey saunters back to her stool with a tired expression. “I bought thick curtains for exactly this scenario.”
“Wow, you’re… prepared.”
“You have to be when everypony thinks you’re the ‘town grump.’”
Once again, Anon reaches over and begins to stroke the back of her neck, causing Posey to relax at his touch.
“Well, I think you’re wonderful.”
She closes her eyes and leans down onto the recliner, being careful so as to not nudge Anon where it burns.
“Thanks, Nonny.”
“Hey hey everypony,” Pipp shouts excitedly as she lets herself into Posey’s home uninvited. “Misty and I heard that Anon was feeling under the weather, so we brought him some piping hot tomato soup~!”
“NO!”