“Hmm? Oh, ah... well, it looks like princess Twilight is, er... you know what? Let’s not bother her.”
*THUNK*
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“Poor thing. Do you think she’s alright?”
“Ehh... probably? I think that’s just Twilight being Twilight.”
“She’s always kind of been a bit odd, hasn’t she?”
*THUNK*
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“Twenty bits says she’s cracking under the whip.”
“What whip? It wasn’t that long ago she was coronated.”
*THUNK*
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Equestria’s newest oddball princess couldn’t be bothered to respond, or indeed, even register the comments taking place, being far too busy in the rather involved process of turning her royal brains into mush.
*THUNK*
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An enterprise which, admittedly, she didn’t pursue in the most efficient manner, opting instead for the rather crude and low-tech method of repeatedly bashing her face against a gnarled old stump that had been sitting in the park for as long as anypony could remember.
*THUNK*
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But the icy grip of despair filled her little pony heart as she realized, with no small amount of dismay, the old stump steadily deformed and buckled under her assault, poised to give way long before the sweet embrace of death could claim her. Stupid alicorn durability...
*THUNK*
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Even worse, the contents of that letter remained fresh in her mind, and for the very first time in her young life did Twilight Sparkle curse her prodigious memory and the blighted events that saw her become Equestria’s newest princess.
Dear Princess Twilight,
I hope this letter finds you in good spirits today, for I am sorry to say, I must regretfully be the bearer of bad news. Your ascension to alicornhood, while a joyous and momentous occasion, will also bring a certain number of difficulties in your life.
We can get more into detail as to what these difficulties are as the years pass and your power develops, but the most immediate concern for you will soon come. It is an issue I’m sure you and your friends are all too familiar with. A period in time that takes place shortly after the Summer Sun Celebration, that shall leave you girls... yearning for a stallion’s warmth. I am speaking of course about estrus.
In ascending to alicornhood, your body underwent certain transformations, some of which you have undoubtedly been made aware of. Most notably are your wings, and though you are not yet privy to a pegasus’ full array of abilities, you will, in time, develop these gifts. You may have also noticed an improvement in your endurance, strength and constitution—blessings trademarked by the noble earth ponies.
These gifts come at a cost, however. To better accommodate and develop the traits of all three pony tribes, your body will undergo internal changes. The most immediate of these being an influx of hormones crucial to maintaining and developing your new abilities.
I believe you understand where I’m going with this?
This coming estrus cycle will be unlike any you’ve experienced before. Your body will be filled with up to four times the normal amount of estrogen, making an already trying time an even greater burden to bear, and although I’d much rather not cause you any undue distress, I also believe it is important you know exactly what it is you’ll be facing, that you may take the appropriate measures to address this problem.
Your body will feel as though on fire. The burning need for a stallion will escalate into what I can only describe as a gnawing, ravenous hunger, which will continuously claw at your brain and marehood, clamoring for relief. Your magnificent mind that you hold in such high regard will be consumed by the estrus cycle, devoting its faculties in slavish obedience to the singular goal of seeking out a stallion to breed. Your young body is unaccustomed to the deluge of hormones that will flood within, and, should things get bad enough—should you deny yourself the release you so desperately crave, you may well find that your body and mind act in a will of their own to achieve completion.
As I see it, there are three solutions available to you, should you choose to employ them.
You could go and seek out a stallion to help sate your urges. Be warned, however, that you will find release harder to achieve this time around and will likely need several... sessions to sate your needs. Naturally, you are guaranteed to bear a foal with this approach.
Secondly, there is a certain tonic you could drink. Making it is a rather involved process only achievable by master alchemists. I could have them brew you up a few doses, should you wish to pursue this route. It will quell the searing urges of estrus to a much more manageable level. That being said, the tonic itself is not perfect. It can be rather... temperamental. And while you will undoubtedly notice a marked improvement by drinking it, there is also a teeny, tiny, but not infinitesimal chance it will cause irreversible damage to your higher brain functions, effectively leaving you mentally invalid.
I would not recommend this approach.
Thirdly, you could branch out and seek non-pony partners to mate with. It’s how Luna and I beat back the worst of our first estrus as alicorns, after all. It just so happened to coincide with the Great Dragon Migration and... well, nevermind that. Still, I believe it’s the best option out of all three. I’m sure as the Princess of Friendship, you’ll have little difficulty in finding and befriending a willing partner.
Whatever decision you make, know you will have my full support. And knowing you, my dear student, you will be—as the young fillies say— ‘freaking the hay out’ by these revelations. Work on your breathing exercises, as Cadence taught you, and I’m sure you will find the answer soon enough. You may even find it to be much, much closer than you initially hoped.
Good luck and remember, safety first.
Your proud teacher,
Princess Celestia.
Why did she do it? Why did she read Celestia’s correspondence over and over to the point she could recite the contents by heart? It would do her no good. It would not change the events that would soon come. And it certainly...
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Did.
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Her mental state.
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No.
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Bucking.
*THUNK*
Favors!
*SMACK*
“Huh?” For the first time did Twilight notice a peculiar warmth on her forehead, nothing at all like the stinging bite she’d steadily cultivated for the last... how long had she been doing this again?
“Penny for your thoughts?”
She opened her eyes and saw a fleshy, five-fingered limb move out of sight, taking the strangely comforting warmth with it. With sullen resignation, Twilight turned to the source of the voice, her gaze travelling upwards to land on the peculiar shape of Equestria’s resident human. His visage shifted, as though unsure whether to regard the oddball alicorn’s antics with amusement or concern.
“Who for my what, now?” Perhaps she’d done a better brain busting job than she initially thought, as the words slurred out of her.
“Ah... nevermind. Just a saying from back home.”
Twilight blinked repeatedly as her eyes adjusted to the bright midday sun. She could now take in Anonymous’ form better. He looked down at her with a slight tilt of his head. In his free hand he gripped the stick of a glistening popsicle from which he promptly took a bite of. Twilight watched as he swallowed, her eyes following the movement of his throat as...
Her jaw went slack as she realized the human’s top half was completely stripped of clothes, bare for all to see. A pair of stretchy shorts protected his lower half, stopping just above the knees, while a pair of well-worn sneakers covered his feet. She’d never seen him with so few clothes before. His tanned skin shone with perspiration. She could see hints of muscle beneath the taut skin as he breathed, outlining a completely novel physique.
“So... everything okay?”
Twilight jerked. Her ears folded back as she bashfully looked Anonymous in the eye.
“Y-yes, yes!” She looked away. Her wings ruffled without her noticing. “Sorry, I’m just... I’m a bit of a mess right now, huh?”
Anonymous grinned. “That makes two of us.” He bit down on the popsicle again, savoring the fruity taste before swallowing. “Wish I’d checked the weather report before going out on a run. I’m dying for a shower,” he said, sighing. “By the way, you got a little, uh...” He motioned vaguely at her forehead.
Twilight raised a hoof to try and work out the little bits of bark that stuck to her mane, with underwhelming results.
“Let me help you with that.”
Before she could protest, Anonymous bit off the last of the popsicle and kneeled before her. Twilight froze as her nose was assaulted by a deluge of pheromones. He... he smelled... good! Her traitorous body inhaled, breathing in his natural musk, and a heat that had nothing to do with the harsh sun welled up in her cheeks.
Anonymous’ digits worked with deft precision, plucking the bits of bark from her mane. Twilight’s eye twitched as his nails unintentionally scratched her during his ministrations, sending shivers of pure bliss coursing down her body. Her breath came erratic in short, almost panicky bursts. Sweet Celestia, she could stay like this for hours!
“Done!”
“Huh?”
Anonymous rose back up to his full height, regarding the smaller mare with satisfaction. Twilight shook her head to ward off the haze that all but paralyzed her. Anonymous fidgeted as the silence stretched.
“So,” he said, clearing his throat. “What’s eating you?”
Twilight’s brow creased into a slight frown. “Excuse me?”
“Right, right. Idioms...” Anonymous muttered to himself. “You, uh, look out of sorts, princess. Is everything okay?”
“Just Twilight,” she said tiredly. “And you...” she peered at him past slightly narrowed eyes. “You... actually want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Oh.”
Now this was news to her. She and Anonymous didn’t start off on the best hoof—admittedly due in part(okay, mostly) to her, and the human made it a point to keep a healthy distance between them ever since. Especially after that debacle.
“Look,” Anonymous said, rubbing at the back of his head. “I know we didn’t make the best impression when we first met.” Twilight had the grace to look abashed. “And I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for some time now, but...” He sighed and shook his head. “It's... y'know, time to face reality and all that. Way things are going I'll be sticking around for a very, very... very long time. And technically speaking, you are my princess now, so...” He kneeled before her and held out a fist. “What do you say we start over?”
“Anonymous,” Twilight said and, smiling, met his fist with her own hoof. “I’d like that very much.”
“Sweet,” he said with a smile of his own and sat down. “Gotta say, I’ve never been friends with a princess before.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Oh? We’re friends now?”
He shrugged. “Well, you are the Princess of Friendship. I’d say it’s a package deal.”
Twilight couldn’t hold back a very un-princesslike snort. “Funny. But take it from me, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.”
Anonymous nodded sagely. “That why you had ol’ Stumpy here getting all kinds of acquainted with your face?” He said, jerking his head to its tattered remains.
“Maybe,” Twilight muttered. “It’s... well... my first major test as an alicorn is coming up.”
“And it’s bad?”
Twilight grimaced. “Bad? I wish it were bad. Bad doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s not just bad, it’s... it’s... it’s unprecedented. It’s catastrophic. No. It’s downright apocalyptic!”
Anonymous nodded. “Super bad. Got it.”
Twilight’s eye twitched in a most horrendous fashion.
Anonymous coughed. “So... would you like some help?”
“That’s... I don’t... what?”
“Your test. Granted, I’m not sure what an alicorn test even means, or if I could even do anything. Still, would you like some help with it?”
Twilight looked away, her cheeks blazing. “Anonymous! That’s... that’s not what I...”
Her mind crashed down faster than Rainbow Dash at a cider tasting. She turned her head back to Anonymous with such speed she was pretty sure she gave herself whiplash, looking the human up and down, her eyes popping as the pieces finally fell in place.
“Oh! Ohhh...”
Anonymous regarded her with bemusement and was about to respond when something over her withers caught his eye.
"Dang it.” He stood up to his full height, peering at something in the distance. Twilight followed his line of sight to see a number of pegasus ponies pushing several darkening clouds together. “I gotta get to Applejack’s before they get those rain clouds up and going.” He looked back to her with a smile. “I’ll see you around, Twilight. Let’s hang out one of these days, eh?”
Without another word he began to jog, making a beeline for Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight’s eyes drifted down his retreating form. She gulped. Even the stretchy fabric of his shorts could not conceal the sizable bouncing mounds within.
With a shaky hoof, Twilight wiped the beads of sweat that had accumulated on her brow and started her own journey back to the library with a steady gallop. Her mind raced, teeming with possibilities and the outlines of a plan began to form.
It would be her masterpiece. Her magnum opus. But such an undertaking would be far beyond her abilities. She would need her friends’ help for this, for was she not a princess now? Indeed, her very future would decide the fate of many, making it of the utmost importance for her to come out of the looming estrus cycle with her full mental capabilities. It would not be a stretch to say that Ponyville, nay, the very future of Equestria itself hung in the balance!
So consumed with her incipient schemes, the Princess of Friendship failed to notice her marehood dripping with excitement, leaving a trail for any who cared to look as she raced back home to iron out and finalize the details of her plan. She would need to then gather her friends, that they may join her in what was sure to be the most important mission of their young lives.
“Now then,” Twilight Sparkle said, her mouth taut in a grim line as she looked to the rest of the girls. “I’m sure you all want to know why I’ve called you here.”
Here meaning the newly minted alicorn’s personal study. Her five friends nodded with varying degrees of curiosity.
“We have a crisis on our hooves,” Twilight elaborated as she paced back and forth. “Or rather, a coming crisis. One that we must meet head on if we are to survive it.”
Her friends shared uneasy looks.
“Well, what’s goin’ on?” Applejack asked.
“Crisis schmisis,” Rainbow said, blowing a raspberry. “Whatever it is, I’m sure we can handle it. Or kick its butt. Whichever.”
“Not quite, Rainbow,” Twilight said, not breaking her stride. “Our problem is not something we can beat into submission.”
“Really now, Twilight,” Rarity said. “You’re making this sound quite ominous. Surely it can’t be that bad.”
“Um, how scary is it? On a scale from one to ten, I mean,” the resident wallflower asked in her timid voice.”
Twilight paused to consider this. “Well, maybe not scary per se, but definitely troublesome.” With a sigh, she halted her pacing and faced her gathered friends. “Girls, spring is gonna end soon. And you know what that means.”
The five mares shared a questioning look.
Pinkie Pie raised a hoof. “Ooh, ooh! It means summer is coming!”
“And summer brings what?” Twilight pressed.
“A mighty good harvest,” Applejack said.
“The Summer Sun Celebration?” asked Fluttershy.
“My new fashion line,” Rarity ventured.
“Good guesses,” Twilight said. “But no. Summer means Heat Season is just around the corner.” She was met by a number of grimaces and wincing faces.
The bane of mares throughout Equestria. Estrus, more commonly known as Heat Season, marked the annual period when a mare was simultaneously in her horniest and most fertile state. It instilled in them an all-consuming directive to go out and multiply, that the pony race may propagate and endure.
“And I’m sure I don’t need to tell you all how tough it can be, especially without a good, er, outlet for the urges this time brings. It was hard enough to find a partner in Canterlot, but the mare to stallion ratio is somehow even worse here in Ponyville.”
A chorus of grumbled agreement followed her words. Nopony looked forward to Heat Season. At least not unless a foal was the end goal.
“And quite frankly, I have had it.” She accentuated this with a stomp of her forehoof, then turned to face her friends, her eyes blazing. “And I don’t know about you girls, but I for one am not planning to lock myself in this library for a week or two and—as Rainbow says—rawdog the whole thing.”
Now this earned her a number of wide-eyed stares.
“Come now, darling,” Rarity said. “I know Heat Season can be rather, ah, taxing on a mare, but surely you’re not talking about... bearing a foal?”
Twilight snorted. “No, of course not. I mean, I'd like to have a foal of my own at some point, I suppose, but certainly won't be happening anytime soon.”
“Uh-huh,” Rainbow drawled. “And how do you plan to make it through estrus without, you know...” she made a vague gesture with her hoof.
“Getting absolutely creampied to kingdom come?” Pinkie said helpfully.
"Eloquent as ever, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity sighed. “Though I am also curious as to how you intend to tackle this problem,” she said to Twilight. “After all, the only way to get rid of those urges is to, well...” she cleared her throat. “Allow somepony to finish inside you.”
“Which will leave a bun in your oven,” Pinkie said happily.
Twilight’s lips quirked into a sly smile. “Yes. Somepony. But what if instead of somepony we get somebody to help us?” She was met by a series of blank stares.
“What if I told you there’s a way for us to beat back the worst of Heat Season? Sex with none of the... complications that come with it?”
“I’d say that’s mighty big talk,” said Applejack. “Ponies have been lookin’ into this matter for, well, as long as ponies have had estrus to worry about.”
“And besides,” Fluttershy said softly. “There’s plenty of remedies we can get our hooves on that will help.”
“Now that you mention it,” Rarity said, tapping a hoof to her chin. “I do recall seeing moonblossom tea at Barnyard Bargains just the other day. Ooh, we really should stock up while we can before Heat Season gets in full swing.”
She was met with a chorus of agreement from the other four mares, only to be cut off by a hoof stomp from Twilight.
“Girls, girls!” she said sternly. “You’re not listening to me here. I am presenting you with a real, possible, tangible solution. Not like these so-called ‘cures’ that somewhat abate the symptoms of estrus, without even bothering to address the root cause. I’m not talking about employing the use of a cooler, or herbal remedies, or... surgical solutions.” A manic glint appeared in her eyes. “I’m talking about sex. Pure, unadulterated, raw sex that will satisfy our biological imperative without the caveat that comes with it. No foals. No commitments. No flakey stallions that promise to help you out, only to leave on an ‘emergency trip’ for Las Pegasus, or Baltimare or Manehattan at the very... last... MINUTE! Just the sweet, sweet agony of release!”
“Well,” Fluttershy said. “It does sound a little too good to be true.”
Twilight smiled. “I thought you might say that.”
Calling on her magic, the lights in the room dimmed, the large canvas screen unrolled behind her and the slide projector on the opposite side came to life, bathing the white surface in a fluorescent glow. From a nearby desk floated two circular reels, one of which was inserted into the projector, displaying an image on the screen.
“This,” Twilight said, pointing a hoof at said image. “Is Anonymous. I’m sure everypony here is somewhat familiar with him?”
“The cutie with the flanks that won’t quit?” Pinkie said, wagging her eyebrows. “Yeah, the name rings a bell.”
Rarity brought a hoof up to her face. “Pinkie, darling, you really shouldn’t be so crass.” But then whispered, “Though I must say, they are quite nice.”
Dash let out a harsh bark of laughter. “You would know, huh, Rares?”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”
Dash snorted. “Come on. You know Anonymous is in my hoofball team, right? I’ve seen him wear those shorts you made for him. Or are you gonna try and tell me that was an accident?”
Rarity turned her nose up in a snooty manner. “There is no shame in being proud of one’s assets, nor wanting to show them off. And not that it’s any of your business, but if you must know, dear Anonymous specifically asked for a... what was the word? Oh yes, a streamlined pair of shorts.”
“Streamlined, my flank! Those things left practically nothing to the imagination!”
“Oh?” Rarity’s eyes narrowed with laser-like focus. “Is that a complaint I hear? You know, Rainbow, it just so happens I went to your latest game this past Sunday. You conducted yourself well enough, I suppose, but if you’ll pardon me for saying so... not your best performance. Why, you seemed rather distracted, darling. Almost as if your head were not in the game. Almost as if your thoughts dwelt...” Ever so slowly, she craned her neck to look directly at a fidgeting and rapidly blushing Rainbow Dash. “Some. Place. Else?”
“W-wha... but, I... that is not...”
“Hey yeahhh,” a smiling Pinkie Pie cut through Rainbow’s sputtering. “You fumbled that ball more than once, Dashie. That is not like you. So very not like you. Hey! Wasn’t Anon crouching down in front of you the whole game?”
“T-that was the play! Yeah, yeah! The game plan specifically had Anon playing defense! I was just following orders!”
“But, Rainbow Dash,” Fluttershy said. “You’re the captain of the hoofball team. Aren’t you the one who comes up with the game plans too?”
“I mean... that is just... I so don’t even...”
Grinning evilly, Applejack decided to add her two cents. “And we were all waiting for you once the game was over, remember? All that running made us work up a mighty hunger and were all fixin’ to hit up Hayburger once the whole shindig was over and done with. That was the plan at least. Because somepony took ages to get out of them dang locker rooms. Why did you take so long in them showers anywho?”
A visibly sweating Rainbow Dash backed away as the four mares closed in on her.
“S-say what now? Since when is it a crime to practice good hygiene?” she demanded.
“Since the time you made us late for the Hay,” Pinkie Pie said.
“Forcing us to the very, very back of the line,” Rarity deadpanned.
“They even ran out of those delicious cheesy curds I like,” Fluttershy lamented. And it had been her monthly cheat day to boot.
“Alright, fine!” Dash exclaimed, throwing up her hooves. “I admit it. I made us late ‘cause I clopped myself raw to Anonymous!” She turned her fuming red face to Applejack. “Happy now?”
With a satisfied smirk, Applejack said, “Mildly. Yeh.”
“Ahem!” Everymare looked to an annoyed Twilight Sparkle. “If we can get back to my lectu... er, presentation.” Once they all gathered in front of the screen, Twilight continued. “Yes, well. Where did I leave off?” She grabbed a nearby glass of water with her telekinesis and drained it in one gulp.
“Something about Anon?” Pinkie said.
“Right, right.” She wiped her mouth with a hoof. “To put it simply, I believe Anonymous could be... persuaded to help us ride out the worst of Heat Season.”
Her friends shared a look.
“Um, Twilight?” Pinkie said. “Sorry to rain on your parade, but I’m pretty sure Anonymous doesn’t even think of ponies like that."
“Pinkie Pie’s right,” Applejack said. “That feller’s been living in this here town for well over a year now, and he’s never warmed up a single mare’s bed, far as I reckon.”
“I mean, the only mare he even hangs out with is Lyra, isn’t it?” said Fluttershy. “And she’s made it clear they don’t have that kind of relationship.”
Twilight waved a hoof. “Details, details. I’ve already factored those variables into my calculations.” She refilled her water with a nearby pitcher and took a sip. “Let’s focus on a few key points for now. We know that Anonymous has been living here for nearly two years, and while he has managed to branch out and make new friends, his more... physical needs have likely gone unfulfilled. Unless... well, it’s possible he’s a colt cuddler, but he really doesn’t look the type.”
Rainbow Dash snickered. “Twi, no offense but... I mean, how would you know?”
Twilight sniffed haughtily. “I’ll have you know Anonymous actually flirted with me just earlier today.” She did not miss the look her friends shared amongst each other. It almost looked like they were fighting back a... wait a minute.
“Come now, girls,” Rarity said, though the words were halfway between a cough. The corners of her mouth twitched. “I’m sure we can give Twilight the benefit of the doubt. And speaking from personal experience, I can attest to the fact dear Anonymous has become more and more comfortable with ponies as of late. In fact, I’ve noticed these past few weeks that he’s gradually grown more receptive to my,” she cleared her throat. “Well, my marely charms, not to put a fine point on it.”
This gave everypony pause. Out of all of them, Rarity had spent the most time with Anonymous, if mostly in a professional setting. He was doing quite well in his job, according to Rarity, and had commissioned from her an expansive, high-quality wardrobe that would keep her busy for days, if not weeks to come. And though they were loath to admit it(though never to Rarity’s face) the seamstress was the most successful of them at snagging up a stallion for the night... when they were available, at least.
“You don’t say,” Applejack mumbled, staring off into the distance. The other four mares shared similar looks, pondering the possibilities.
Twilight quickly capitalized on this. “You’re starting to realize, I see.” She said with no small amount of smugness and used a wing to point at Anonymous’ image on the screen. “On one hoof we have a healthy, virile young stall—er, human, with nearly two years' worth of pent up frustration. A human in a town populated mostly by mares. A human who is potentially starting to see us as sexual partners down the road. And of course...” She smiled, saving the best for last. “A human who cannot and will not be able to impregnate us even at the height of Heat Season.”
“S-sweet Celestia,” an awed Rarity whispered. Beside her, Applejack fanned herself with her hat. Pinkie gulped hard, a hungry gleam in her eyes. Rainbow fidgeted in place, her wings twitching. Fluttershy’s chest heaved as she took deep breaths, her face a bright crimson hue.
Satisfied with their reactions, Twilight moved on to the next stage of her schem—er, presentation.
“We must move quickly if this endeavor is to succeed,” Twilight continued. “Not only is Heat Season nearly upon us, but there is one more potential obstacle to contend with. A not insignificant one at that.” With a click, the image on the screen changed from Anonymous to a minty green unicorn.
“Along with Time Turner and Bulk Biceps, Lyra here is the one pony who’s struck up a solid friendship with Anonymous. No doubt she knows him better than any of us and it’s safe to say they’ve grown quite close.” She paused to take a sip of water. “And while she and Anonymous might not have a more... intimate relationship, it’s anypony’s guess as to whether that might change, especially when—not if—she realizes he might be willing to change his stance on relationships.”
“H-hold on,” Applejack said, trying to get her breathing under control. “Now look here, Twi. I enjoy a good romp in the hay as much as the next mare—sometimes more. But doesn’t all this sound a mite... dishonest to you?”
“I... must agree with Applejack,” Rarity said with some difficulty. “There’s not nearly enough stallions to go around and, well, it seems rather selfish to want to monopolize Anonymous to ourselves, especially if he and Lyra might have something... deeper between them.”
“Girls, girls,” Twilight said, shaking her head. “I’m not talking about coming between Anonymous and Lyra—and that’s assuming if they have something between them. I’m talking about reaching out to somepony who’s alone in this world. Somepony who could use a friend or friends who might be willing to... help him in ways others might not. And if he is willing to reciprocate that help? Well,” she smiled. “Friendship is a two-way street after all.”
Silence reigned as the five mares shared glances, some inspecting their hooves or a seemingly mundane book in the shelves, or staring off into the distance.
“You know,” Rarity said, hesitantly. “I do remember reading somewhere that an active sex life is paramount to a stallion’s health.”
“Y-yes,” Fluttershy said softly, one eye peeking past her mane. “It’s supposed to prevent medical concerns in the future.”
Rainbow Dash hummed, an uncharacteristically pensive frown on her brow. “So we’d be helping him out. Looking out for his well-being.”
“And what kind of ponies would we be if we didn’t at least try to help a friend?” Pinkie asked.
“Not very good ones, that’s for dang sure,” Applejack said firmly.
“Furthermore,” Twilight said. “Anonymous has had plenty of time to acclimate himself to our ways and culture, and being friends with Lyra, he is undoubtedly aware of a mare’s plight during estrus, and quite possibly...” she basked in the full attention of her friends. “How it’s generally accepted a good male friend will help a mare friend during this time.”
Rarity gulped. “My goodness, this could actually work,” she whispered.
“Consequence-free sex...” Pinkie mumbled as she stared glassy-eyed at the ceiling, swaying on her hooves.
“During estrus, no less,” Applejack said.
“Relief. Sweet, sweet relief,” Rainbow whimpered, her eyes misty.
“If this is a dream... please, oh please, don’t let me wake,” Fluttershy said in a hushed voice.
“Now, then,” Twilight called out, snapping them out of their reverie. “It’s high time we put it to a vote,” she said bossily. “Everypony in favor of introducing Anonymous to the magic of friendship with benefits, say ‘Aye!’”
Five hooves shot up into the air.
“AYE!!!”
Twilight smiled, pleased. “Then it’s settled. I hereby declare Operation: Heatsink to be officially underway!” She accentuated this with a stomp of her hoof and a resounding cheer from her friends.
So begins the tale of the six horny mares who camped out in Twilight’s study, staying up to the small hours of the night. Anypony going on a late-night run or walk past the tree (like, say, a certain human was wont to do) would have heard a cacophony of laughter, giggles, squeals and on more than one occasion, witch-like cackles as the six friends pooled their mental resources together as they plotted, connived and schemed to devise the best way to introduce their chosen prey (er, friend, rather) to the magic of friendship with benefits.
“In conclusion,” Twilight said, using her implement to hit the chalkboard with a satisfying *THWACK*. “Using the data and insight we’ve gathered last night, the next logical step is for Rarity and Rainbow Dash to take the lead in the first phase of this operation.” She looked to said mares, who stared back with the most peculiar of expressions, their eyes following Twilight’s implement. Come to think of it, the other girls did too. Twilight did not allow this to break her stride and so she continued her instructions.
“Seeing as you two girls have a better rapport with Anonymous, you’ll be in a stronger position to determine the effectiveness of our strategies.”
“So,” Twilight said, looking expectantly at her friends. “Any questions?”
The girls’ eyes merely followed her implement.
Rarity cleared her throat. “Twilight, darling.” She pointed a hoof. “That’s a riding crop.”
Twilight gave it a cursory look. “Is that what it’s called? Well, thanks for gifting it to me, Rarity. It’s incredibly satisfying to use.” She punctuated this by slapping it across the chalkboard, with a resounding *THWACK* as her reward.
“...Yes. And I’m glad you like it, darling,” Rarity said delicately. “But... how shall I put this? Ahh. Do you... know how to use it?”
Twilight shrugged. “Seems simple enough.” She slapped the chalkboard again.
From beside her, Rarity could just about hear Rainbow’s poor attempts at hiding her laughter.
“Yes, well. How shall I put this?” She looked to Applejack for support, but the farmpony merely closed her eyes and shook her head solemnly. “You see, darling, that little tool you have there... well... it’s for extracurricular activities.” At Twilight’s blank look, Rarity repressed a sigh. “It’s a... marital aide.”
Twilight cocked her head in confusion, but then a look of realization dawned on her face. “Ohhh. You mean like when you or your special somepony want to make a quick presentation at breakfast? Or before bed?”
Rarity’s hoof met her face with an audible smack. Rainbow lost what little restraint she had and fell on her back, hind legs kicking the air as she let loose a coarse, full-bellied laugh. Applejack held her hat to her chest, fixing the befuddled alicorn with a look between compassion and despair.
“What’s so funny?” Twilight demanded, heat rising in her cheeks.
“Ehh,” Rarity groaned before once again turning to Applejack for help.
She merely shook her head and said, “I’m not taking this one.”
Rarity then turned to Rainbow. “Y-you’re on your own,” she said amidst the laughter.
Then to Pinkie. “Nnnnope!”
In desperation she then turned to Fluttershy, who refused to meet her gaze, instead paying close attention to the steaming cup of tea on her hooves.
With a heavy sigh, Rarity trotted with resignation to a baffled Twilight before leaning in and whispering in her ear. The other four mares watched with varying degrees of amusement as Twilight’s mouth opened into a perfect ‘O’, watching as her face and neck steadily grew redder and redder until the not-so-royal princess looked like a large, angry bruise.
“And that, young filly,” Rarity said as she put a hoof on Twilight’s withers. “Is how you use a riding crop.” With that she retreated back to the large floor cushion she’d been resting on, refilled her cup with a nearby teapot and raised it to her lips before draining the scalding contents in one gulp.
Twilight’s eyes turned to pinpricks, darting everywhere and nowhere as she assiduously avoided looking directly at her friends.
“Speaking of, Twi,” Applejack said. “I know Applebloom and her friends like to come to you for help every now and then.” Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t reckon you’ve... eh... used that ‘marital aide’ in your lectures?”
Twilight froze.
“Indeed.” Rarity sniffed. “I would be very cross if you’ve exposed my darling Sweetie Belle to such things. However unintentionally.”
“G-girls, girls,” Twilight said, forcing a smile and a small laugh that came out more as a wheeze. “Of course I wouldn’t do something like that,” she said, even as her mind frantically worked to determine the best way to bribe or coerce said fillies into silence. Rarity and Applejack were not impressed.
“Hehe...” a nervous Twilight chuckled as she levitated a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from her temple. “Is it hot in here, or is it just me?” Her friends were unmoved. “You know, I think we deserve a break,” she said desperately, throwing the ‘marital aide’ where it got lost amidst a pile of books.
It happened not that long after Anonymous first settled in Ponyville. She'd been invited by Rarity and Fluttershy to their weekly spa visits. Rainbow Dash declined. Too froo-frooey, she said. Applejack was too busy, being in the middle of harvest season. And Pinkie Pie was... well, Pinkie Pie.
Twilight sighed as she lowered herself into the hot water. Admittedly, the studious pony never really saw the point at first. She wouldn't consider herself a tomcolt, at this time or ever, but the spa scene never once caught her attention. Too fastidious, too wasteful, she'd think. Why spend an hour or two indulging yourself when you could use that time for more productive endeavors? She wasn't an athlete or a laborer, so it's not like she'd built tense muscles that called for massages. A luxurious soaking in the hot tub? Just take a quick shower. Quick and practical. Mud baths? What's even the point?
Yet as she felt her muscles loosen and the worries melt away, Twilight would gladly admit she'd been wrong. She'd been so wrong. This was bliss.
"Enjoying yourself, darling?"
Twilight's eyelids fluttered open to see Rarity. A small, lazy smile adorned her features, eyes half-lidded. Soaking in the relaxation.
"Very much so," Twilight replied. "Thanks again, Rarity."
She waved a hoof. "Think nothing of it. It's my pleasure to treat you girls."
"Is it alright, though?" Fluttershy asked. Her voluminous mane, like the other mares, was wrapped up in a fluffy towel, sitting atop her head in a shape resembling an octopus. "I mean, three Pamper'd Premium Super Deluxe Blowouts? It's kind of expensive."
"Really, Fluttershy dear, it's fine," she replied easily. "Things are going rather well at my boutique."
"Lots of orders?" Twilight asked.
Rarity hummed. "No more than usual this time of year. Rather, an order."
"One order?" Twilight asked.
"Well, yes. Didn't I..." Rarity trailed off. "Oh. I never told you girls, did I?"
"Told us what?" Fluttershy asked.
Rarity glanced around to make sure nopony was in earshot, then motioned the girls to come closer. They did so, not hiding the inquisitive look on their faces. "This is all between us, of course. Ah, let the others know if you'd like, but keep it within our little circle, yes?" Fluttershy and Twilight nodded. "You see, girls. It just so happened I received a letter from Princess Celestia not a few days ago."
Fluttershy cocked her head and chanced a look at Twilight, who frowned slightly.
"The princess?" Twilight said. "But why?" Left unasked was the question of why not simply send the correspondence through Spike. It would certainly be a lot faster.
Rarity picked up on this. "You'd have to ask her yourself, I'm afraid. If I were to guess, I'd say she wanted to keep things confidential. It's a bit of a... sensitive matter."
Twilight pondered this. What could be sensitive or secretive about a matter involving Rarity? Not that Twilight would disparage her friend, but she did deal entirely in clothes and fashion. Then again, Rarity's name had started to spread out and the mare would occasionally leave Ponyville for a few days to attend an event of some sort. No doubt she used this time to form connections and build a little network for herself.
Is it possible she'd been commissioned to make an order for a secretive client? Perhaps a pop star, artist or broadway actor? But why would Celestia get involved unless...
"Anonymous?" Twilight said. "You're working on something for Anonymous?"
Rarity was impressed. "Right you are, darling. Wouldn't you know it, the poor dear was at a bit of a loss. You see... well, apparently clothes are an absolute necessity for his kind. The hyoomans regard nudity as a major taboo, barring certain circumstances, he says. It's not like us ponies, who for the most part dress up for jobs or special occasions. To them, clothing is a major part of their lifestyles. They simply refuse to live without it."
Twilight bit her lip and quelled the maddening urge to snatch a quill and a piece of paper from the reception desk and begin to furiously take notes. Well, that was fine. She could simply rely on her prodigious mind to recall the information. It had never failed her before.
"All of this stays between us, of course," Rarity said expectantly. Twilight and Fluttershy nodded. "You see, the princess asked me to commission a wardrobe for Anonymous, and paid a pretty bit for it. She was quite generous, actually. Hence..." she broadly gestured a hoof.
"What's he like?" Fluttershy asked.
"He's..." Rarity pondered her answer. "He's quite pleasant, actually. A bit quiet. No surprise, the poor dear is still adjusting to his situation. I mean, can you imagine being pulled away from everything and everypony you know? Still, I've only met him twice now, so I can't make an educated guess." A look of realization dawned on her face. "Ah! And Twilight, there's something you'd be very interested to know."
"Yes? What is it?" she said eagerly.
"He has a rather peculiar effect on my magic. Or maybe my magic has an effect on him? Regardless," she continued. "Every time I tried to take his measurements, the tape would just... slide off of him. I thought nothing of it, but it happened again and again, so I asked if he wouldn't mind me running a simple test."
"And? What did you learn?"
"Well, I asked if I could try moving his... his... ah, hands! Yes, I asked if I could move his hands with my magic. He accepted readily enough. I think he was curious about it as well. Anyway, I found it exceedingly tricky to get a proper hold on him. It's like my magic just," she paused. "Well, it was like trying to maintain a solid hoofhold on a slippery river rock. My magic just sort of... slid off of him. It took a great deal of practice and concentration to get the smallest form of leverage."
"Fascinating," Twilight muttered, her mind ablaze with theories and possibilities. Ooh, what she wouldn't give to have Anonymous all to herself for a week or two. With his consent, of course. The things she could learn...
"'Allo, ladies," Aloe's familiar accent rang across the quiet spa. "I trust everything iz to your liking?"
The three mares turned to face the spa's co-owner. "Simply fabulous, Aloe," Rarity said. "You girls do know how to pamper a mare." Twilight and Fluttershy echoed her sentiments.
"Most excellent," Aloe said, beaming. "If one of you ladies could follow me, we are ready to begin your massage."
"We?" Fluttershy asked. "I thought Lotus was off on Mondays."
"Oh but she iz, miss Fluttershy. We 'ave hired a new addition to our spa. I believe you know him, miss Rarity? Ah, ze tall ape man?"
Rarity was taken aback. "Anonymous? You hired him?"
"Oh yes. Miss Lyra vouched for him. Very insistent she was." A faint tinge of red blossomed in her cheeks. "Ah, we were a bit unsure at first, but he made the hooves-on demonstration. He iz... ah, very skilled."
"I imagine he must be," Rarity said, smiling slyly. "He's clearly made an impression on you."
Aloe coughed. "Yes. Well. I imagine he will make one on you az well. I believe you will be very satisfied with him."
The three mares shared a glance. Coming from Aloe of all ponies, this praise meant something. That said, Rarity couldn't help but notice Fluttershy wasn't too keen on the idea. Not surprising. The shy pegasus had made great strides in shedding the crippling shyness that stunted her for so many years, yet the prospect of spending alone time with an entirely new pony... er, creature, was understandably a daunting prospect.
As for Twilight... the young mare was hesitant for a completely different reason. It didn't take a genius to see she'd never spent much time alone with a colt in a personal setting, much less one that she'd constantly been itching to get her hooves on. If only in a detached, scientific manner. Possibly.
"Why not?" Rarity said, stepping out the hot tub. "Let's see what this new employee of yours is capable of." Drying herself, she slipped on a fluffy pink bathrobe and followed Aloe to the massage rooms. Fluttershy and Twilight watched her go, the latter angling her neck to try and get a good view of the new masseur.
With nothing to do but wait, the two mares contented themselves to enjoy the soak, basking in the hot water.
"Twilight?"
"Hm?"
"Are you feeling better now?"
"Well, yes. Why do you ask?"
Fluttershy hesitated. "It's just that, Rainbow Dash told me about that experiment of yours. You know, the one for your... urges?"
Twilight grimaced. "Oh, that."
In a bid to rid herself of the annual period of frustration and unfulfilled needs that came with Heat Season, the ever proactive unicorn set out with the goal to devise a way to ride out the worst of this wave with minimal discomfort. Her solution? A spell. One that would suppress her biological urges.
Alas, even her prodigious knowledge and skill in magic could only delay the inevitable, for while she enjoyed three weeks of relative peace, the dam eventually broke, and the delayed onset of estrus hit her with all the subtlety of a speeding freight train.
"Oh, my. That sounds unpleasant."
"Tell me about it." Twilight muttered. "I'm still not sure how it happened, but my spell somehow magnified the effects of estrus."
"Maybe some things should just be allowed to run their course," Fluttershy said.
"You're probably right," Twilight sighed. "At least it happened at the tail end of the season." That is to say, with most other mares having rode out Heat Season, the store shelves were stocked with a surplus of anti-heat remedies that Twilight eagerly scooped up at a hefty discount.
"Oh, my stars!"
The two mares whipped around to the very same doors from where Rarity's voice rang out.
"Ooh... yes. Yes!"
Twilight and Fluttershy shared a wide-eyed stare.
"Don't be shy, darling. I'm not as delicate as I look. Put some muscle into it!"
Neither mare spoke as they heard Rarity coo and squeal with delight for the next several minutes. A heat that had nothing to do with the hot water rapidly flushed their cheeks.
"Ahh," Rarity sighed as she opened the sliding door, Aloe following behind. Twilight and Fluttershy quickly averted their gaze, doing an admittedly poor job at pretending neither of them heard anything, not that Rarity paid any notice. She trotted in an unsteady gait, her legs wobbly. Her half-lidded eyes were glazed over.
"Rarity?" Twilight asked. "Is everything okay?
"Okay? Okay?" she mumbled. "Everything is... just right, darling. Why, it was... it was quite..."
"Transcendent, non?" Aloe finished with a knowing smile.
Aloe waved a hoof. "Iz fine, miss Rarity. Most important iz you enjoy yourself. You did enjoy yourself, yes?"
Rarity chuckled and cast a longing look at the door from whence she came. "To put it lightly. Ah, you don't suppose Anonymous would be willing to... to..."
"Regrettably, miss Rarity, your friends are still waiting their turn."
Rarity turned to her still blushing friends, yet before she could say anything, Fluttershy spoke up.
"Was it really that good?" she asked. Any trace of the reluctance she'd displayed before now gone.
"Oh Fluttershy, I can't possibly describe it! Those hands. Those wonderful, magical hands of his." She swooned. "He did this thing with his... and he found this spot on my neck that..." She squealed and cupped her flushed cheeks with her hooves. "Oh, it was marvelous! Simply marvelous!"
"O-oh, my," Fluttershy whispered, glancing at the massage rooms. Her wings twitched. "Well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try."
"Excellent choice, miss Fluttershy," Aloe said brightly. "Come with me, if you please. We'll have ze Anonymous to take care of you."
Fluttershy stepped out the bath with a surprising spring in her step, hastily dried herself, donned her bathrobe and followed Aloe to the massage rooms, all to the bemusement of Twilight Sparkle.
"Ooh!" Rarity yelped, almost tripping over herself.
"Are you okay?" Twilight asked, edging for the rim of the tub.
Rarity hastily waved a hoof. "Y-yes, darling. I'm alright. It's just..." she spared a look at the massage rooms. "It was an... intense experience." Twilight noticed the slight trembling in her legs. "Do excuse me, Twilight. I... I need to lay down a bit." She wobbled to a nearby recliner, where she'd normally lay down for a hoof filing and hopped up, sighing as she melted like putty into its embrace. Not two minutes passed before she fell asleep. Her barrel rose and contracted lazily.
Twilight couldn't deny she wasn't the least bit intrigued. For a seasoned connoisseur of all things pampered like Rarity to be reduced to such a state... well, she was all but obligated to gather some firsthoof experience on the matter. For research.
Her ears perked as they picked up a small yelp, no doubt belonging to Fluttershy. The timid pegasus was not nearly as vocal as Rarity, yet if Twilight strained her ears, she could make out several noises of contentment. Gasps, squeaks and even moans of pleasure sent her imagination into overdrive, renewing the furious blush that all but receded from her cheeks. Truth be told, she was looking forward to this.
Sure enough, after what felt like an eternity, the door to the massage tables opened and a dazed Fluttershy stepped out, advancing in unsteady hooves, her cheeks adorned with a healthy blush.
"H-hey, Twilight," she stuttered, a serene expression on her face. She unfolded her rather stiff wings and erratically fluttered over to Twilight, who watched with bemusement as her friend reached out with a hoof and bopped her on her muzzle. "Tag, you're it." That's all she said as she let out a breathless giggle and made a beeline for one of the free recliners, all but crashing into it, sighing in contentment.
"Are you ready to go, miss Twilight?" Aloe asked, not batting an eye.
She nodded and tried her best to ignore the butterflies in her stomach. At long last she had an excuse to meet this so-called visitor who'd taken up residence in Ponyville at the drop of a hat. Truth be told, the news came as a bit of a shock to her.
The day in question had been nothing short of routine, and after finishing her breakfast, Twilight set about the business of opening up the library. Tuesdays were a bit of a slow day, so she didn't expect to see many ponies drop by, and so she contented herself by organizing the sizable pile of books that had been returned the two days prior. She found the process itself rather soothing, and no sooner did she finish that Spike popped in to hand her a letter from the princess.
Dear Twilight. Hope you're good. Yada yada and so on. She read it with a smile, always pleased to hear from her beloved teacher. But the further she read the more her smile faded, giving way to slack-jawed astonishment.
A visitor. That's the word Celestia used. A visitor from... another world? Dimension? Universe? The princess herself could not say for sure, but she did divulge the circumstances by how she became aware of him.
As one of Celestia's students in her school for gifted unicorns, Lyra Heartstrings managed to secure a private audience in which she revealed the existence of this visitor to Celestia. Skeptical, but willing to hear out her former student, Celestia allowed the human Anonymous to be brought before her, and the three retreated to a private chamber where they conducted their meeting in secret. Unfortunately, the princess did not see it fit to divulge the details of said meeting, but assured Twilight that, wherever or whenever Anonymous came from, he was not of this world.
With no home, options or resources to his name, Celestia allowed Lyra to take him in to her home, given that they'd struck a quick friendship, while she consulted with her sister as well as her scientific and magical advisors to devise a possible way to return Anonymous to his world.
To say this development was unprecedented would be nothing short of absurd. It was positively groundbreaking. World shattering, even! Twilight vividly recalled the way her body shook from... excitement? Fear? A bit of both, maybe. She had an alien... an honest to goodness alien sitting at her doorstep. She would gladly close down the library for the day and hurry on over to Lyra's to see if she could get some time alone with this visitor and indeed, that's precisely what she planned to do when a warning from Celestia stopped her in her tracks.
Do not attempt to contact him directly.
I realize this might be a cruel request to a curious mind like yours, but I must insist you give Anonymous some space. His transition to Equestria was nothing short of jarring and he is understandably overwhelmed at the situation he now finds himself in. Lyra will be his caretaker for the moment, and will do her best to get Anonymous acclimated to Equestrian society. Go to her and ask if she'd be willing to arrange a meeting between the two of you. Barring that, I must once again insist you not take matters into your own hooves.
Forgive me if this seems harsh, Twilight, but you and I both know your curiosity and thirst for knowledge can impair your judgment at times, and the matter at hoof requires a more delicate touch.
And so she did. It positively pained her to do so, but at Celestia's behest, Twilight reined in her curiosity and did as instructed, maintaining her distance.
But now? Now she could get a close-up look at Anonymous proper, without Lyra to thwart her ambitions. In fact, if she were a betting mare, she'd say the minty green unicorn derived a smug sort of satisfaction from denying Twilight's numerous requests.
"After you, miss Twilight," Aloe said as she opened the door, motioning her to enter the threshold to the massage room. Twilight gulped and stepped in. The room was dim, the lights reduced to a soft, relaxing amber color. Faint smells tickled her nose; sweet and floral, and there stood Anonymous, his back to her, creasing out the bulges and wrinkles in the sheet that lined the massage bed.
He was more imposing when close up, Twilight's head barely reaching past his waist. True to Rarity's assertions, he was clothed from head to hoof. Twilight noted this peculiar habit of his as well, on the times she'd seen him wandering Ponyville at a distance, chalking it up to him wanting to dress up and make a good impression on the ponies that surrounded him. His arms, face and neck were all but devoid of fur. A cosmetic choice, perhaps? Or were his kind prone to baldness in these areas?
Satisfied with his work Anonymous turned to greet his newest client. His eyes gave her a quick once over, lingering on the pink strip of her mane. He smiled and said, "Hi there, my name's..."
"HELLO!" Twilight shrilled in a high-pitched tone, and immediately regretted it. Anonymous started at the abrupt greeting. Twilight's ears folded back, ducking her head. She'd hoped to come off as friendly and enthusiastic, not so much a madmare.
She cleared her throat, fought down the embarrassment as best she could and, in a much more reasonable tone of voice, said, "Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle." In a stroke of inspiration, she brought her leg up, aiming for a hoof bump. Yep, friendly and casual.
Anonymous watched in amusement, but kneeled down to her level regardless. He took her hoof in a surprisingly firm grip and shook it once, twice, three times. "A pleasure, Twilight Sparkle. Name's Anonymous."
Twilight smiled. Maybe she hadn't botched this after all.
"If you could lie down for us, miss Twilight," Aloe said. "We are ready to begin."
She did so, hopping onto the massage table and laid belly down at Aloe's instructions. At her behest, Anonymous went to a nearby table and dipped his hands in a cleaning solution before drying off with a towel.
"Anon?" Aloe said. "Would you start us off?"
He took a spot next to the giddy Twilight. "I need to tie your mane so I can work proper," he said.
Twilight nodded and Anonymous carefully unwrapped the unwieldy towel off her mane, where it spilled out. She closed her eyes, sighing in contentment as he took her mane in his hands. They glided over her scalp in a manner most satisfying, his hands closing as they traveled backward, fashioning it into a quasi-ponytail.
Once most of her hair flowed backwards, Anonymous' claw-like digits dug into her scalp and...
"Eep!" Twilight jerked, her body seizing up.
Anonymous' hands retracted, but he regarded her in an almost playful manner. As if he'd been expecting this sort of reaction. "Everything alright?" Aloe mirrored his reaction.
Twilight gave a shaky smile and said, "Yep. All good." She gulped. "Uh... please don't mind me." She rested properly on the table once more, unknowingly holding her breath as she waited for Anonymous to continue.
Twilight bit her lip as she felt his digits sink into her scalp, trailing backwards with the intent to untangle any knots. She could not hold back a low, husky groan as those nails of his sent sent waves of pure, absolute bliss coursing down her body. Unbeknownst to her, she'd done a poor job of hiding her reaction, as she trembled from the pleasure alone.
But then his hands retreated and Twilight fought down the maddening urge to grab them in her hooves, put them back where they'd been and demand he keep going. In a nice way.
Anonymous tied her hair into a serviceable bun before proceeding to the next step of the treatment.
"The question, Anon?" Aloe said expectantly.
He nodded and said to Twilight, "Are there any problem areas? Spots with tension? Aches, pains? Anything of the sort?"
Twilight gulped and did her best to give an even answer. "Just m-my withers. And neck. I... well, I read a lot. Hunching down. You know," she said vaguely.
A telltale chime rang across the spa, signaling the arrival of new clients. Aloe looked to the door, frowning slightly.
"Why don't you take care of that, Aloe?" Anonymous said. "I'll take care of things here."
She hesitated. "I don't know. Your training iz not yet complete."
"Rarity seemed to think so," he said. "Come on, I can handle one little massage."
Aloe looked to Twilight. "Iz that alright for you, miss Twilight?"
She nodded eagerly. "That's fine. I'm sure Anonymous knows what he's doing."
Aloe gave a resolute nod. "Very well, Anon. You may tend to miss Twilight in my absence. I expect complete satisfaction from her upon return." She then briskly trotted out the door to greet her new customer, leaving both her charges alone.
Anonymous grabbed a bottle from a nearby shelf, squeezing a measured amount of lotion on his hand. "So," he said. "Hands and hooves need a different approach where massage is concerned. Aloe's been showing me the ins and outs and I'm getting a good sense of where the problem spots can be found in a pony's body. Muscle groups, all that jazz." He took his position at the massage table just left of Twilight. "All this to say, I'll do my best to get them to relax. Loosen up. Granted, I don't have much experience with ponies but I can sort of... feel my way around it." Having vigorously rubbed the lotion on his hands, he then placed them onto Twilight, just above her withers. "Any, ah, concerns? Questions before we begin?"
Only about a million of them. Well, technically two hundred and ninety six, but who's counting? "No. Whenever you're ready."
Yep. All according to plan. She'd use the situation to her advantage and strike a good rapport with Anonymous. Perhaps they could be friends. She'd like that. Even better, having bridged the gap that is Lyra, she could then invite Anonymous to spend some time with her and the girls. Rainbow was surprisingly curious about him. Pinkie Pie too.
They could all go out on a nice, relaxing picnic and get to know each other better, and Twilight could at long last ask the question's she'd so wanted to...
"Mmmmphh!" The throaty growl manifested before she even had a chance to stop it. Anonymous kneaded her muscles with just enough force. Not so much that he'd hurt her, but not so little it'd be meaningless.
"You've built up quite a bit of tension," Anonymous said, frowning slightly as his digits pressed into her neck.
Twilight's breathing was ragged, her eyes shut tight, muzzle pressed onto the table as she fought down the undignified squeals and screams of delight that threatened to spill from her lips. Unbeknownst to both of them, her tail hitched with excitement.
But the wonderful sensations then stopped. Twilight opened her bleary eyes to see Anonymous opening and clenching his hands. "What is it?" she asked.
"It... you had some real tight knots in your neck. Took a lot of effort to work them out."
Her ears folded back. "Oh, sorry."
He gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't be. It's the job." He squeezed more lotion into his hands and stood in front of her. "Your hoof?" he said, holding out his hand. Twilight placed her hoof upon it and Anonymous resumed his work, starting just above her fetlock and trailing upwards.
Twilight sighed in contentment as Anonymous finished and moved onto her other foreleg. She gave an experimental flex on the limb he'd just finished working. Her muscles felt like butter. No wonder her friends had trouble walking.
"Rarity's told me about you, you know," Anonymous said.
"Good things, I hope."
"Among others." Twilight pursed her lips as he kneaded a particularly sensitive spot. "She says you like books."
Twilight blushed. "I find them fascinating."
"I can understand why. Life experiences, ancient knowledge passed down for generations. A chance to pick at the finest minds of history. Good stuff."
Twilight regarded him with renewed interest. "Oh? Are you a bibliophile too?"
Anonymous snorted. "I mean, I enjoy a good book now and then, but I wouldn't go that far. I ask because Rarity tells me you're an academic type. Thirst for knowledge, that kind of thing."
"Pretty much," she said bashfully. Echoes of laughter, the word 'egghead' being tossed around played in her mind.
"Do you ever get the headaches?" At Twilight's confused look, he continued. "Not always headaches, but... you know," he made a vague gesture. "That thing where your brains feel like mush after an intense study session. I used to get them all the time when preparing for a test."
"I know them all too well," she grumbled. "They're so inconvenient," she said with a pout.
Anonymous nodded, then paused, thinking. "You know," he went to the door and opened it a bit, just enough to allow him to peek outside. "This technically isn't part of the massage process, but would you like to try something new?" He closed the door. "Not sure if you ponies have a way to deal with it, what with hooves and all, but I could try rubbing your temples."
"My temples?"
He nodded. "Supposedly it helps to relax and open up your blood vessels, allowing better circulation to your brain. Helps to soothe headaches. I could show you if you'd like. That way you can do it yourself."
Twilight was intrigued. Such a treatment would be a blessing, if it worked as he said.
"Sure. Let's try it."
Having been given the go-ahead, Anonymous set to work. Standing in front of her, he cupped her face in his hands. "It's a pretty simple technique," he said, rubbing at her temples with three digits from each hand.
Twilight smiled in contentment. So simple, but so comforting. True to her nature, she'd done a bit of 'light reading' this very morning, perusing Ipso Facto's Advanced Guide to the Study of Metaphysics--perhaps for a bit longer than she intended to. The brain fog that often followed these kinds of sessions became so common to the point of mundanity that she barely even noticed it anymore.
And yet, as his wonderful fingers worked their magic, Twilight found herself at a bit of a conundrum. The position she was currently in left her face to face with him. So focused in his work, Anonymous failed to notice Twilight's eyes wandering as she drank in his form. A most curious sort of heat blossomed in her cheeks.
"S-so, Anonymous," she said, clearing her throat. "How did you come to learn this trick?"
"My mom. She used to do it to me whenever I had a headache going on. Or during finals. Not sure if it's a legitimate procedure or one of those things passed down the generations, but it usually helps."
Twilight nodded. "Do you like working here?"
He shrugged. "Can't complain. Aloe and Lotus are pretty chill. I'm just glad they gave me a chance. I mean, being in a magical pony land is great and all, and Celestia was kind enough to pay my bills, but I've been going mad with boredom. At least now I have something productive to do. And the job has its perks. Get to meet a lot of lovely ponies."
"I bet you say that to all the mares, huh?"
Anonymous froze for a split second, so fast Twilight thought she must have imagined it. His eyes met hers. His lips quirked into a coy smile.
"Only the cute ones." And he winked.
Twilight could not hold back the stream of schoolfilly giggles that spilled from her mouth. She pressed a hoof to her lips, though it did little to stem the tide. She produced an undignified, pig-like sound.
"And she snorts, too," Anonymous said, grinning.
A hoof lightly jabbed at Anonymous. "Enough," Twilight admonished, though the effect was lost amidst her wide smile. "Is that any way to treat your client?"
He inclined his head. "But of course, miss Twilight," he said in a parody of Aloe's accent. "Let us get back to your treatment."
"Funny," she said dryly, flicking her tail to lightly slap at his arm as Anonymous moved beside her. His hands sank into her withers and Twilight took the opportunity to bury her face in her hooves as she was assaulted by yet another furious blush.
I bet you say that to all the mares, huh?
Where did that come from? It's the kind of cheesy line she'd seen Rainbow and Pinkie Pie use on a prospective stallion. They're probably rubbing off on me, she thought.
And speaking of rubbing off...
She bit her hoof in a desperate attempt to quell the various groans and squeals of pleasure as Anonymous got to work on her body. She'd embarrassed herself enough for one day and she'd be damned if she allowed this to continue. Anonymous certainly did nothing to help her situation. Why did his hands have to bring her to near-orgasmic bliss? She could feel the blush in her cheeks spreading all over...
...
"Oh, no."
Anonymous looked up. "You say something?"
"Nope! All fine," she said in a high-pitched voice. Anonymous shrugged and resumed his work.
Twilight buried her face in her hooves.
Why??? Why is it happening now?
The heat that coursed through her was one she knew too well. Estrus. Inspired by a surge of scientific curiosity--some might say foolhardiness--Twilight went back to the drawing board with her botched spell, using what she learned from its failure in the hopes of modifying it to suppress the embers of estrus that still burned within her.
She'd had two to four days left in her cycle, as far as she knew, and cast the spell anew in the hopes it would allow her to ride out these days in relative peace. Perhaps even use its supposed success to refine the process. Yet as the spell's matrices gave way, unable to stand indefinitely against the primordial laws that governed nature itself, Twilight came to the only indisputable, irrevocable conclusion.
She had made a grave mistake.
Anonymous' exotic, masculine scent filled her nostrils. Her tail flagged, giving anypony who might have been standing behind her quite a show. She squirmed, her hinds legs rubbing together--the sensation of a wet something spreading from her marehood. Thank Celestia for the dim lighting, for if anypony were to take a closer look, they'd see a wet patch of moisture on the sheet she lay atop, spreading just under her marehood.
Anonymous' hands stopped their ministrations. "Do you..." he sniffed. "Do you smell something?"
Twilight wanted to scream. Whether in embarrassment, frustration or lust was anypony's guess.
"Huh. Kinda smells like... lavender? It's not bad."
*THUNK*
*THUNK*
*THUNK*
Perhaps she could give herself a concussion? Bash her face against the massage table in the hopes unconsciousness would claim her? Yep. That's a good idea.
"Hmph?!"
Anonymous' digits cupped her chin, lifting her head.
"Are you... feeling alright? Even for a pony, you're acting kind of weird."
...
"Ah, no offense."
Twilight inhaled, savoring his natural musk. He smelled so good. She almost wanted to... to...
She licked him, her tongue trailing the length of his hand. Salty. Her body shook with want.
"Uhh..." Anonymous said, jerking his hand back. He looked at the spot Twilight licked and back to her, frowning. "Is this some sort of pony gesture I'm too human to... whoa!"
Twilight's magical aura tugged at his pants, bringing his crotch and her nose-to-nose, so to speak. Her hooves wrapped around his hips, kneading his firm flanks. She buried her muzzle in the fabric of his pants and breathed deeply. A sound between a moan and a raspy growl resonated in her throat.
It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. Twilight opened her mouth and molded it around his stallionhood. The fabric of his pants was thin enough that she could feel the outlines of a phallic, meaty something stiffening within her mouth and it drove her wild.
"Oookay, that's enough."
Twilight barely heard the words. She could not, however, ignore the way two hands grabbed at her in the space between her barrel and forelegs and lifted her in the air. She gave a squeak of surprise, her hind legs kicking in reflex as they sought purchase.
Anonymous looked more than a bit miffed, and no sooner did he open his mouth with the possible intention of scolding her, when Twilight launched herself at him. A simple propulsion spell, but they collided with enough force to send them both tumbling.
"Seriously, what the hell?" Anonymous groaned, his back against the wall, rubbing the back of his head.
He froze as he laid eyes on Twilight. The typically cute, cuddly mare now stalked forward like a predator. Her normally immaculate bangs were now scattered loosely down her brow. Her eyes, pinpricks, giving her an almost feral visage. Anonymous gulped as the little mare advanced with surprisingly delicate hoofsteps. She lowered to his crotch, giving it a brief, almost loving nuzzle.
But then she looked up and licked her lips. Two hooves pressed upon his chest, pushing back with surprising strength, pinning Anonymous to the wall. Twilight's chest heaved, her mouth open as she took deep breaths, cheeks alight in a radiant blush. She smiled in a way that could only be described as halfway between dopey and predatory. Anonymous watched with dreading astonishment as Twilight closed her eyes and leaned in, her lips puckering for a...
"Nnnope!" His hand shot out and grabbed her firmly by the horn. He was not prepared for what came next.
Twilight's eyes rolled to the back of her head. Her horn crackled with power and the room--no, the spa itself--shook to its foundations. Her body went stiff, her back arched and her mouth opened to release out a near-deafening cry of ecstasy.
And the curtain fell.
With all the grace of a plummeting blimp, Twilight's limp body plopped atop Anonymous, wracked by periodic shivers. Anonymous poked her, then again. She did not stir. In fact, and to his indignation, the little mare was soundly asleep, if the soft snores that came from her were any indication. And...
Did he piss himself? Well, he'd be well within his rights to! But then again, the warm patch of moisture he undoubtedly felt spreading came not from his crotch, but rather his left leg. The same leg, in fact, that supported Twilight's lower body and...
Ohhh.
"A-ANONYMOUS?"
Fan-fucking-tastic. He saw the appalled faces of Aloe, Fluttershy and Rarity gawking from the opened door.
"What iz... why iz she..." Aloe sputtered as she trotted into the room, eyes roving over every... single... detail of his compromised position. "How?" she said almost helplessly.
"Like I said, boss," Anonymous smiled, his last recourse lest he fall into the pit of despair.
Lyra Heartstrings peeked past the threshold that led to the basement of her house, took a deep breath, and, with a voice that shook the nearby framed pictures, bellowed. “Anon! Get your hairless monkey ass up here! You got company!” Her ears remained on the alert for any response on his part, only to receive none.
With a sigh, she turned back to face her bemused visitor.
“Sorry for that. He’s... kind of a heavy sleeper.” She chanced another look inside the basement. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.” She promptly descended the stairs, her horn emitting a bright yellow glow to illuminate the way, navigating past empty pizza boxes, random bits of discarded clothing and two small mountains of crumpled-up parchment.
Her target lay atop two beds joined together to accommodate his tall frame, snoring away without a care in the world. Lyra propped herself up on her hind legs, using her forehooves to shake the sleeping human. “Up. Up, monkey!”
When he, predictably enough, didn’t react, Lyra shook her head and hopped up onto the double bed, then turned around and bucked the sleeping Anon with enough force to send him crashing down onto the hard floor.
“Anon? Are you dead?” Lyra said, poking him with a hoof. “Come on, you’re not fooling anypony.”
Moving faster than she could react, two lanky arms wrapped around her barrel. With a yelp, Lyra was dragged down to the human’s embrace.
“Hey!” Lyra squealed as she squirmed in his grasp. His hand reached up to tousle her mane. “Anon!” she whined, slapping the offending limb away. “I just brushed my mane.” He gave a non-committal grunt. “Are you gonna let me go now?”
“Prob’ly not,” he slurred. “All you ponies are so damn cuddly.” He accentuated this by tousling her hair again and hugged her tighter to his chest.
Lyra groaned, half in exasperation, half in contentment. She called on her magic to produce a bright flash of light, almost blinding in the dark room. Anonymous hissed in pain, freeing her to cover his eyes.
“C’mon, up,” Lyra said again, nudging him with her muzzle. “There’s somepony waiting for you.”
“At this hour? Give ‘em the boot. I don’t do walk-ins.”
“It’s almost noon,” she said dryly. “And it’s not just anypony. It’s your boss.”
To her satisfaction, Anon opened his eyes proper, squinting with suspicion. “Here? Now?”
“Yup.”
“You’re lying.”
“Possibly,” Lyra said smoothly. “But do you really want to take that chance?” Without another word and with a jaunty canter, she made for the stairs. “Hurry up. It’s rude to keep a guest waiting. And clean up your room! It’s like a pigsty in here.”
Anonymous sighed and, casting a longing glance at his bed, lightly slapped himself to ward off the remnants of sleep. He stood and fumbled around for a relatively clean shirt and a pair of shorts. He then passed a hand through his hair a number of times in the hopes it might look a tad presentable, cracked his neck and successively trudged up the stairs.
He squinted, blinking repeatedly as his eyes adjusted to the natural light that shone past the windows and sure enough, there he saw him—a white coated unicorn stallion in a dapper suit, unphased by the human’s shabby state, and regarding him with a pleasant smile.
“Anonymous!” he said in a distinct Canterlot accent. “Jolly good to see you, old boy. I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time?”
“Fancypants?” Anon said slowly. “I... no, um...” He scratched at the stubble on his jaw. “What are you doing here?”
“Business I’m afraid. You know how it is. Ah, I do apologize for barging in on you so suddenly. It’s not usually the way I’d like to conduct a meeting, but I’m supposed to be taking the train to Las Pegasus and I thought I might drop in. There’s been a development, you see. Well, more of a sudden opportunity and... well, I believe it best we get it sorted out as soon as possible. I hope that’s alright with you?”
“Sure. Yeah,” Anon said. Before either could proceed, a series of hoofsteps marked Lyra’s arrival. Her mane once again styled to satisfaction, she used her magic to retrieve a slab of toast with butter and jam from the kitchen, where it hovered beside her.
“I’m going out shopping,” she said to Anon. “There’s coffee and donuts in the kitchen, so help yourselves.” She nodded to Fancypants. “It was nice meeting you. Hope everything goes well.”
Fancypants inclined his head. “And to you, dear. Thank you for the hospitality.”
With her departure, Anon led the way to the modest kitchen. “Coffee?” he asked.
“That would be lovely,” Fancypants said as he took a seat at the cozy round table. Anon poured a cup for each of them, setting down a small pitcher of cream and some sugar.
Fancypants served himself a generous portion of each and took a sip. “So,” he said. “First order of business. I have a little something for you.” From his suit levitated a folded strip of paper, which he passed to Anonymous.
He unfolded it and Fancypants watched as Anon’s eyebrows shot up into his forehead. “A check?”
“Indeed.”
“But, Fancypants.” He held it up. “I already got paid.”
“I know. That, dear boy, is a bonus.”
Anon glanced at the amount. “It’s a lot of money.”
“Honest pay for honest work, that’s what I say, so trust me when I tell you this, Anonymous. You have earned every single bit of that money.”
Anon couldn’t help but smile. “I take it my work did pretty well, then? Still, you didn’t have to come all the way out here for that.”
“Normally, yes,” Fancypants admitted. “But you see, dear boy, my publishers were quite impressed with your work. And our audience? They can’t get enough of it! Issues have been flying off the shelves so fast, it’s all we can do to keep up with demand! Our machines and equipment have been burning the midnight oil, or so I’m told, running day and night just to keep our shelves stocked.”
“That’s great news,” Anon said.
“Quite,” Fancypants agreed. “But herein lies the rub. My associates and I are happy enough to keep you working and making us all a pretty bit as is, but...” He gave Anon a measured look. “Well, it’s about to be that time of year again.”
“That time?” Anon parroted.
“Yes. Well,” Fancypants cleared his throat. “Heat Season, to be precise.”
“Oh.”
“You’ve been around a while now. I... assume you know what to expect?”
Anonymous shrugged. “I know the broad strokes, but...” he coughed. “I haven’t really looked into... you know.” He made a vague gesture. “The whole thing. All the details.”
“Yes, well. The fairer sex does tend to get quite, ah, amorous during this time. What you may not know is that Heat Season also brings a huge demand for a certain genre of literature.”
“By certain, you mean—”
“Erotica.”
“Ah.” Slowly, Anonymous sampled his drink. It needed cream. “So,” he said, pouring a measured amount. “I take it you came here to see if you could convince me to draw...” He took a sip. Much better. “Pony Porn?”
“To that effect,” Fancypants said without missing a beat. From his suit levitated yet another folded check, landing in the hands of Anonymous. He gulped upon seeing the number. “Call it an investment,” said Fancypants. “Yours to keep no matter your decision. Of course, I do hope it goes some way to showing you how profitable this venture could be. For all parties involved.”
“We’ve talked about this.”
“Then let us talk again,” Fancypants said brightly. Anon remained unmoved. “Come now, Anonymous. You’ve been living among us for a while now. I can understand why you’ve had reservations in the past regarding this sort of thing. Different species and all that. But you’ve broken out of your shell. You’ve made friends. That lovely miss Heartstrings seems to hold you in high regard, and I can only assume you’ve... assimilated, for lack of a better word.”
“You could say that, yeah,” Anon said slowly.
“Any, ah... romantic interests? Have you begun to see our lovely mares in a new light.”
Anonymous drained his coffee. “I admit, plenty of mares are easy on the eyes.”
“Is there a lucky lady you’ve had your eye on?”
Anonymous rolled his eyes. “Let me stop you right there. I really don’t think your average pony wants to get involved with a big, hairless alien like me.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Fancypants declared. “I know for a fact that young lady at my front desk... what’s her name again?”
“Sky Splitter.”
“That’s the one! She’s rather taken with you, you know? Were you to ask her out for a spot of tea, I’m sure she’d be happy to oblige.”
“Pity then, we don’t even live in the same city.”
Fancypants waved a hoof. “The point stands. You have options here, my boy. Should you take a chance, I’m sure you could meet a lovely mare to call your special somepony. Or stallion, if that’s more your speed.”
“First off, I like wom—er, girls. And second of all,” he narrowed his eyes. “Why does it matter to you anyway?”
“Am I not allowed to care about a friend’s love life? Or lack thereof?” Fancypants asked innocently. “I am happily married, Anonymous. I won’t pretend it doesn’t have its challenges, but life is so much the richer with somepony by your side. Is that not something you’d like for yourself?”
Anonymous’ eyes were fixed on his cup. He shrugged.
“Just something to think about, then,” Fancypants said. “But back to business. We are prepared to offer you a generous deal, if I do say so myself.” Sweat began to form on Anon’s brow as he watched Fancypants produce yet another check.
“Now this one,” Fancypants said. “Is not real, I’m afraid. Call it a visual aid. The number on it, however, is what we are ready to offer should you accept. And that’s before royalties, I might add.” He watched as Anonymous wiped the sweat off his forehead. “Do you still plan to go through with your ambitions, dear boy?” At Anon’s questioning look, Fancypants elaborated. “The house, Anon. The house you wanted to build for yourself.”
“Well, yes,” Anon said. “Not that I don’t like mooching off Lyra and Bonnie, but pony houses aren’t built with humans in mind.”
“I would think not,” Fancypants said gravely. “But a custom job? Custom furniture? On a major city at that? I assume you still plan to move from Ponyville should your plans bear fruit?” Anon nodded. “Then you’ll need a sizable investment fund.” He reached out with a hoof and tapped the check which lay flat on the table. “This is opportunity knocking, lad. Your... what is that phrase you used? Ah, your golden ticket! Wouldn’t you say that’s worth trying something new?”
“Fancypants,” Anon groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s not just... look, I wouldn’t even know where to begin. I haven’t even... been with a pony. I don’t know how to draw your parts. I don’t know how to sketch or visualize pony porn! O-Or what kinds of positions you guys use. Or your tells, your mannerisms. Your body language during sex.”
“All the more reason then,” Fancypants said, smiling. “Why you should go out there and get some hooves-on experience.” He drained the last of his coffee and out his pocket levitated a golden pocket watch. He regarded it for a moment. “Well then! I’ve said my piece and I really shouldn’t take up more of your time. It is money, after all. Tell you what, why don’t you take some time and ruminate on my offer? Think it over. See what it is you really want. You know how to reach me and I’ll expect an answer in two days at the most.
“Now it should be said there is a certain time frame for this project, should you choose to take it. Heat Season is not too far off. My publishers will need a finished work before then—something fully realized and ready to print in... shall we say a month from now? I know it’s a bit of a time crunch, but I do believe a talented go-getter like you should make short work of this project."
Fancypants bid his goodbye and left, leaving Anonymous to ponder his offer. He couldn't deny it was tempting. Very tempting.
He'd made his peace and accepted Equestria as his home, which left him with a bit of a conundrum. What would he do now? He went to college in the hopes of working with computers. AI robotics. Skills that were all but useless now. Four wasted years and thousands of dollars in student loans were a bitter pill to swallow.
If nothing else, he wished to be able to carve out a life for himself. Self-sufficiency. Sure, Lyra had been nothing but welcoming and even Bonnie too warmed up to him after some time. Still, he was pretty sure neither of them envisioned housing an interdimensional refugee in their life plans, and though he'd forever be grateful to them opening their home to him, the prospect of having a home to himself and taking control of his life was not something he could dismiss out of hand.
That said, it all came down to money. The windfall from Fancypants' commission would go a long way toward his dream. Perhaps even enough to set Anon's very own plans into motion. And all he had to do was...
*CRASH*
"Sonuva..."
So lost in his thoughts, the mug slipped from his hand just as he was making for the sink. After cleaning up the mess, he picked up Fancypants' cup and was in the process of washing it when something caught his eye. From a nearby window he could see Berry Punch trot in the opposite direction, her flank lightly swaying this way and that, the taut muscles in her legs rippling with her movements. Were he to lean out the window and adjust himself at the right angle, he could surely see the delicate prize hidden beneath her...
Anonymous shook his head and splashed cold water on his face, hoping to ward off the creeping heat that threatened to rise up. He couldn't deny it at this point. Pony mares were fucking hot. At least his brain seemed to think so. They'd certainly been popping up more and more in his dreams, especially the ones that left a sticky mess after.
And if he were interested, how would he even go about it? He couldn't just go out and ask a random mare to follow him back to his bedroom. Well, he could, but it would probably earn him a buck to the nuts. No, no. For this to work, he would need to do his due diligence. He would need to brush up on the laws of attraction. The tells ponies gave when showing interest. Perhaps a smutty novel or two to see what mares like.
Nodding to himself, Anonymous knew what he must do. And so he took a shower, brushed his teeth and, after retrieving a package for a certain alicorn princess, made his way to the library. For research!
Held in her magical grip, the riding crop listed lazily across the surface of a chalkboard on wheels. Six peculiar shapes were drawn upon its surface—bulbous at the bottom, tapering into a long, tubular shape as it ascended before terminating in a flat top. One purple, one white. Yellow. Orange. Pink. Cyan. Presumably representing each of the bearers of the elements.
“If I could direct your attention to these visual aids,” Twilight said. “You’ll notice the percentage numbers next to them.” Such numbers came in four ascending increments. 25. 50. 75. 100. “We will be using them to measure each of our individual progress during Operation: Heatsink and...” she trailed off, not being able to put off the girls’ stares any longer. “Yes?” she asked grudgingly.
“Twi,” Applejack said dryly. “That’s still a riding crop.”
“Couldn’t you, you know,” Rainbow said. “Use something less kinky. More egghead-y?”
“First off, that’s not even a word,” Twilight said. “And secondly, no.”
“Not even a ruler?” Rarity asked.
Twilight looked away. “I’ve kind of, uhh, worn them out.”
Truth be told, the studious princess did indeed have a tool for the job. Or at least, she used to. Ol’ Faithful had been a gift to herself, purchased shortly after her first estrus cycle. Carved from girthy Zebrican ironwood, Ol’ Faithful served as the young pony’s unsung companion for the better part of her adolescent years. A pointer stick polished to perfection, the color of dark mahogany, Ol’ Faithful performed admirably during her many mock lectures to an invisible audience, as well as a nightly companion during the many, many... many lonely nights the young Twilight found herself aching for a stallion’s touch.
Alas, during a particularly vigorous session tending to his mistress, Ol’ Faithful gave his last, leaving naught behind save a number of painful splinters and an extremely unsatisfied Twilight. His shattered remains now lay within a modest chest strategically hidden beneath a loose floorboard under the princess’ bed, along with the real Smarty Pants, her foalhood diary and other such items of sentimental value accrued through the years.
With his passing, Twilight was then forced to turn to the hooffull of rulers and other such phallic instruments of academia she had lying around in order to sate her needs. But to her dismay and frustration, none of them could hope to match Ol’ Faithful’s performance, nor his fortitude—snapping or crumpling under her ministrations within one or two sessions... sometimes less, leaving her little choice but to use Rarity’s birthday gift for her presentation.
Of course, there was also Neighl deGrasse Hayson, her prized telescope, though even Twilight knew better than to use him to satisfy her needs. For one, he was a bit unwieldy. And expensive. She’d saved up two birthdays’ worth of bits to even be able to afford him at a specialty shop in Canterlot, and her rough, magical marehandling would no doubt damage his internal components. Then again, she was a princess now. Perhaps Celestia would be willing to open up the royal coffers a smidge, just enough to buy a smaller model? Or better yet, a replacement for Ol’ Faithful himself?
Yes...
She’d been crushed to learn the business that sold her Ol’ Faithful had been bought out by none other than Donut Joe. Apparently the scruffy stallion learnt that charging exorbitant prices for mid-tier coffee at best somehow attracted the stuffy Canterlotians to his store, lining up in droves even at the break of dawn to indulge their caffeine dependency.
With a newfound hunger and a rebranding of his stores, Joe expanded ruthlessly, successively breaking ground even in the cutthroat Cloud District where he’d swallowed up the very same store that Twilight hoped to pay a visit to replace her fallen companion. In fact, Twilight had received a letter from Donut Joe not that long ago, presenting her with quite a strange offer.
He wanted to set up a StarJoe’s location next to, or better yet (his words) inside the library itself, that it may serve as a bizarre sort of place where one could read and sip coffee at their leisure. She’d shot him down immediately, of course. All those sweet, sticky donuts and blended coffees next to her beloved books? It was a disaster waiting to happen and she would never allow hallowed ground to be tainted in such a manner.
Then again, he did offer her a generous cut of his earnings. Enough to, say, commission the master craftsbulls from the minotaur tribes to carve a replacement for Ol’ Faithful? It could be made even better, in fact. Hidden within the chest that now housed Ol’ Faithful’s remains, Twilight kept detailed notes—the data gathered through many a night inside the sheets—on the optimal dimensions (length, thickness and girth) the replacement would need to bring her to orgasmic nirvana. Zebrican ironwood, while sturdy and serviceable, clearly did not suit her needs. Taurean adamantwood, on the other hoof...
“Helloooo! Equestria to Twilight?”
“Huh? What?” Twilight jerked from her musings to see a pink hoof waving before her.
“You still with us, hun?” asked Applejack.
Clearing her throat, Twilight said, “Y-yes. Yes! Uh...” She glanced back to the chalkboard, then to the riding crop still held in her magical aura. “I understand this is highly irregular. Just... bear with me for now.” Her friends’ attention returned to the chalkboard. “Now I understand this operation has quite a few moving parts—those parts being us. We can then use these visual aids to get a sense of our individual progress in getting close to our target. For example...”
An orange piece of chalk was levitated to its corresponding aid. The sound of it scratching upon the board filled the room as the aid was filled from the bottom-up, stopping at the 30% mark.
“Let’s take Applejack. We know she and Anonymous meet every so often, specifically during harvest season when he takes the time to go help out on her farm and... yes, Fluttershy?”
All eyes turned to the yellow mare, who raised her hoof as if in class.
“Isn’t Anon employed over at that big firm in Canterlot? Why is he still going over to work at Sweet Apple Acres?”
Applejack answered. “Says he likes it. Likes the fresh air, likes the outdoors. That fancy job o’ his keeps him cooped up all day, so helpin’ out at the farm lets him destress.” She smiled. “Finds it ‘therapeutic’, if y’all believe it.”
“Ew,” Rainbow grimaced. “So you’re saying he likes doing farm work for fun?” She shook her head. “Humans are weird.”
Applejack scoffed. “He’s a decent, hard-working stallion. Ya’ll could learn a thing or two from him, Ms. Naps-on-the-Clock.”
“I’ll learn something, alright,” Dash said with a rakish smirk. “I’ll learn how to make him scream my name once I hit him with my famous ‘Rainbow Rocks Combo’. Eh? Eh?” she said, nudging Pinkie with her elbow. The two snickered in amusement.
Rarity rolled her eyes. “Honestly, the two of you are incorrigible,”
Twilight cleared her throat. “Yes, well. Moving on... uh, Fluttershy?”
She lowered her hoof. “I was wondering.” She pointed to the visual aids. “How exactly do we keep score? How do we get all the way up to a hundred percent?”
“Well, I suppose we—”
“Ain’t it obvious?” Applejack said. “Whoever gets a tussle in the sheets is the one to win.”
All save Twilight let out a collective ‘Ohh’ of realization.
“I... wouldn’t say ‘win’ per se, but...”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Rarity said to Applejack. “So if sex means we rank up to a hundred percent, what then gets us to fifty percent?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Pinkie said. “A hoofjob!”
“I could see that,” Dash agreed, as did the others.
“Which clearly means,” Pinkie continued. “A blowjob bumps you up to seventy-five.”
Twilight sighed.
“So,” Fluttershy said. “How many points is a wingjob worth?”
“Easily an eighty-five,” Dash said confidently.
“Oh no, you don’t!” Applejack said and jabbed an accusing hoof. “Rainbow Dash, you are not gonna try and give yourself a trumped-up advantage. I won’t allow it!”
“Yeah!” Pinkie said. “Everypony knows blowjobs are where it’s at!”
"Bold words, Pinkie Pie,” Rarity said. “But I think you girls are forgetting the pièce de résistance. The crème de la crème of foreplay that all stallions are powerless to resist.” Basking in the attention of her friends, Rarity flicked her mane with a dramatic, well-practiced motion. “Behold! The hornjob!”
The girls groaned collectively before erupting into a lively debate, with Rarity extolling the virtues of the hornjob, Pinkie and Applejack arguing for blowjob supremacy, while Rainbow and Fluttershy insisted on the wingjob’s superiority. It wasn’t until the five started to make bets on who could make a certain human cum the fastest with their techniques that an increasingly fed-up Twilight had had enough.
*THWACK!*
“Girls!”
*THWACK!*
“Girls!” Twilight bellowed. “Can we please remain focused?” Her friends ceased their chattering and turned their attention to her.
“Thank you,” she said and stifled a yawn. Dark bags hung prominently beneath her eyes, the result of a particularly productive night of stargazing. “As I was saying, we can use these visual aids to get a sense of our progress. It’s... well, admittedly it’s not a strictly definite method to accurately measure a subjective and oft fluctuating concept like relationships, but it can at least help us get an understanding of where we stand.”
“That’s interesting and all,” Applejack said, eyes squinted and a hoof tapping at her chin as she stared at the visual aids with a tilt to her head. “I just wanna know why you used thermometers of all things.”
“Actually they’re—”
“Thermometers?” Pinkie piped up. “I thought they were cocks.” All eyes turned to the chalkboard.
“Wait, they’re not?” Rarity said.
*THWACK!*
“No!”
*THWACK!*
“They!”
*THWACK!*
“Are!”
*THWACK!*
“Not!”
*THWACK!*
“Cocks!”
Her friends started at her outburst and Twilight closed her eyes, and doing as Cadence taught her, took a deep breath. Happy thoughts. She cleared her throat. “Moving on.” Calling on her magic, Twilight then levitated six pieces of chalk to the visual aids, filling them from the bottom up and stopping at different intervals.
“Hey wait!” Rainbow said. “I should be way higher than that!” she said indignantly, jabbing a hoof at the cyan-colored aid, which had been filled roughly to the 20% mark.
Twilight gave her a flat look. “Should you, though? Pinkie told me about that little incident at Anon’s place.”
A red-faced Rainbow looked like she’d sucked on a lemon as she turned to a flustered Pinkie Pie.
“Heh-heh... oops?” she said, rubbing the back of her head.
Applejack smirked. “This I gotta hear. What’d you do now, Dash?”
Pinkie opened her mouth, only to be cut off. “Pinkie Pie, don’t you dare!” Rainbow said warningly. Pinkie closed her mouth.
“You realize of course,” Rarity said. “This makes us all the more curious still?” She then addressed Pinkie. “Go on then, darling. What exactly did our prismatic friend do?”
Pinkie began to sweat as all eyes turned on her. Everymare was then surprised when Fluttershy spoke up.
“She broke into Anon’s room.”
Rainbow gawped. “F-Fluttershy?”
“Ooh, the plot thickens!” Rarity gushed.
“Dang it, Rainbow! Now why’d you go and do something so irresponsible?”
“Not to mention creepy,” Twilight muttered.
“It wasn’t my idea!” Rainbow said indignantly, then jabbed a hoof at a certain pink pony. “She put me up to it!”
“Pinkie Pie?” Rarity said, her eyes wide.
Pinkie sweated more profusely. “O-oops?”
“Is that true then, Pinks?” Applejack said.
Pinkie coughed, looking everywhere and nowhere in particular. “It seemed a good idea at the moment.”
“Pinkie,” Twilight said as she brought up a hoof to rub her temple in the hopes of warding off the incipient headache. “What exactly possessed you to take such an... ill-advised course of action?”
Gulping, she said, “Well, you see...”
***
“...it’s a good idea!” Pinkie insisted as she pronked alongside Rainbow Dash.
“I dunno,” Rainbow said as she fluttered along one of Ponyville’s main streets. “Sounds kinda sketchy to me. What if Anon or the others walk in on us? Who’s to say we won’t get caught?”
“Oh please, Rainbow Dash. Who do you think you’re talking to?”
Rainbow barely batted an eye as Pinkie froze, suspended in the air as she reached into her voluminous mane and retrieved a sealed manila envelope. After handing it to Rainbow, she allowed the laws of gravity to reassert themselves and Pinkie continued on pronking.
“What is this?” Rainbow muttered as she opened the envelope and scanned its contents, her eyes progressively growing wider the further on she went. “Pinkie, what the hay?”
“Pretty thorough, huh?” she said proudly. “Lyra helps Bon Bon out in her shop on Saturdays. She needs it, too. All those colts and fillies running around with allowance money burning a hole in their pockets? They’ll be busy well into the afternoon.”
“But what about Anon?”
Pinkie motioned her to keep on reading. Rainbow Dash shuffled the papers, reading the second page.
“You’ve memorized his entire schedule?”
Pinkie scoffed. “Hardly memorized!” she said with a good-natured roll of her eyes. “Just, you know, good old-fashioned stalk—er, recon! Ehh... intelligence gathering! Yeah.”
“Eesh... I still dunno, Pinkie. Even for you...”
Pinkie giggled. “Come on, Dashie. I keep detailed files on everypony in town. How do you think I throw the bestest, most splendiferousest tailor-made parties ever?”
“Huh,” Rainbow muttered as she scanned the ill-attained information on the page. “I guess that makes sense. I always wondered how you... hey, wait a minute!” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she turned on Pinkie Pie. “Does that mean you keep files on me and the girls?”
Pinkie came back down to earth.
“Rainbow, Rainbow, Rainbow Dash,” Pinkie said magnanimously, then turned to her prismatic friend with a sly wink. “Don’t worry about it.”
***
“Well, you say that,” remarked an extremely unamused Twilight. “But I really think we should.”
“Yeah,” Applejack said. “It’s messed up.”
Rarity sniffed. “I, for one, would like to hear more about these so-called files, and how thoroughly Pinkie’s gone about filling them.”
“And we will. Trust me, we will,” Twilight assured her. “But let’s stay on topic.” She turned back to Pinkie. “We’re still waiting to hear why you thought breaking into Anonymous’ room was a good idea.”
Pinkie giggled nervously. “I thought we might find some dirty maggos in his room.” At her friends’ questioning looks, she then elaborated. “You know, some Playcolt issues? Or Playmare, if that’s more his thing. Or, you know, anything else. See what kind of kinky stuff he’s into. See what gets his motor running.”
Twilight considered this. Applejack then spoke up. “And? Didya find anything?”
***
“Nothing. Zip. Nada!” Pinkie exclaimed in disbelief, throwing her hooves in the air. “Is that even possible? There’s no way a hunky piece of man candy like that doesn’t have a naughty little something laying around.”
Many ponies would describe Pinkie as random, and they’d be right. Slightly lesser known was the fact she was a master at finding and squeezing herself into the most unlikely places imaginable—a skill she’d shamelessly employed to practically turn Anonymous’ room inside out in her search for a juicy secret.
She scanned the room again with a critical eye in the hopes of finding a spot she might have missed. Indeed, it looked as though a hurricane had swept through the room. Which, come to think of it, already looked as such even before starting their search.
He really should pick up after himself, Pinkie mused. Oh well, colts will be colts.
“Give it up, Pinkie. This whole thing’s a bust,” Rainbow said, emerging from beneath Anon’s double bed. “Nothing down there but spiders and dust bunnies,” she said grumpily and shook herself to get rid of the detritus that clung to her coat. “And isn’t it getting kinda late? I really don’t think we should push our luck. What if Anon or Lyra or... or that friend of hers come back?”
“We’ll be fine,” Pinkie insisted, then reached into her mane and pulled out a clock, closely peering at the time. Her eyes darted to the door that lay atop the stairs. “Well, we should get a move on soon. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll go ask.”
Once the clock disappeared back into her mane, Pinkie pronked over to the dresser that sat under a window—well, more like a small, rectangular pane of glass that could slide open to let some fresh air(and some nosy ponies) inside—hopped onto it and, standing on her hind legs, waved over the third member of their little group.
“How’s it look, Flutters? Any sign of him?”
***
“Wait, wait. What?” Twilight interrupted. “You roped Fluttershy into this?”
All eyes turned to the quiet mare, who fidgeted under the scrutiny.
“Don’t blame me,” she said. “I was just the lookout.”
“I must say, darling, this is not like you at all,” Rarity said. “Why did you even agree to this foolish venture?”
Fluttershy turned a reproachful eye to a twitching Pinkie Pie. “She said she had a ‘really super-duper fun surprise’ waiting for me.”
***
“This IS the surprise!” Pinkie declared proudly, waving a hoof to the humble house that two ponies and a certain human called their home.
***
“Which, I guess it was. Just not fun. Or super-duper. Or very pleasant in general,” she said thoughtfully. “It was actually quite stressful.”
“So let me get this straight, Pinkie Pie,” Applejack groaned as she ran a hoof down her face. “You’re tellin’ us this was all for nothing?”
“I... wouldn’t say for nothing.”
“Well,” Rarity hesitated. “Let’s look on the bright side. At the very least none of you girls were caught. Right?”
Pinkie looked away. Rainbow grimaced, suddenly finding her hooves merited close scrutiny.
“Right?” Rarity repeated.
“N-no. No! I mean...” Pinkie stammered. “He didn’t exactly see us, but—”
“But Anon nearly walked in on Rainbow and Pinkie in his bed,” Fluttershy said helpfully.
Rainbow’s grimace tightened while Pinkie did her best blowfish impersonation by puffing her cheeks, spittle flying from her puckered lips—likely an attempt at nonchalant whistling.
“I’m sorry,” Twilight said calmly. “Could you say that again? It almost sounded like you said Anonymous almost walked in on Pinkie and Rainbow in his bed.” She then turned to Pinkie. “But that can’t possibly be correct. Right, Pinkie?” Twilight said, her narrowed eyes piercing right through the twitching pink pony. “Because I distinctly remember you saying you and Dash got away with nopony being the wiser.”
Pinkie scuffed the floor with a hoof.
“Pinkie Pie!”
“I told her we should go!” Pinkie cried. “We found nothing! Zip! Nada! Flutters and I were all set to leave, but Rainbow was like, ‘Nah, let’s roll around in his bed for a bit’. And then I was all like...”
“What the hay!” Rainbow said heatedly. “Don’t pin this all on me! Fluttershy was supposed to be the lookout.” She rounded on the shy pegasus. “You had one job!”
Fluttershy met Rainbow’s accusation with dignified stoicism. “I’m sorry if the two of you were caught, Rainbow, but I had to step away. Something more important came up.”
“Care to share, sugarcube?” Applejack asked.
Fluttershy’s wings ruffled. “Well, you see, there was this cute little family of dormice living in the attic of the house and, well, the mama and papa were upset because one of their kits was feeling under the weather, so I offered to take a look at him.” Taking a cue from Pinkie, Fluttershy carefully reached into her mane. Sitting on the frog of her hoof was a small, furry, curled up critter, dwarfed even by Fluttershy’s dainty hoof. It opened its eyes and regarded the curious mares around it.
“Ooh, aren’t you the cutest little thing!” Rarity cooed, smiling charmingly as she leaned in, nose to nose. “Whatever is the matter with him, Fluttershy?”
“He has a slight cold. His mama and papa say it can get a bit drafty where they live.”
Rarity tutted. “Well, that won’t do at all, will it? Why don’t you bring him by the boutique later on, darling? I can make him the most adorable little sweater. Oh! Better yet, bring along his whole family! I’ll make matching outfits for them all. They will stay both warm and stylish.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Thank you, Rarity. I’m sure they’ll appreciate that.” She placed the dormouse back into her mane. “Oh, and Twilight? That reminds me, I need to fix up some medicine for the little one. Is it alright if I use your kitchen?”
Twilight waved a hoof. “Not at all, Fluttershy. Go on ahead.”
“What, so she gets a pass?” Rainbow grumbled under her breath, watching as Fluttershy picked up her saddlebags. She turned the handle to the door and it opened with the loud clank of oiled metal, before going out the room and closing it behind her.
“Ooh, she’s good,” Pinkie whispered back.
“As for you two,” Applejack said. “I’m almost afraid t’ ask... but what exactly were ya thinking rolling around in his bed?” Her eyes locked with Rainbow’s before curling into a malevolent smirk. “And you, missy. I thought you would have learned your lesson, especially after what happened at flight college.”
Rainbow blanched.
“Ooh,” Rarity said, eyes lighting up at the prospect of juicy gossip. “Do tell.”
“Dash here had her eye on a stallion, y’see. What, Cirrus something? Anywho, she snuck into his room and got so caught up sniffin’ his sheets she completely missed him coming back.”
“I told you that in confidence!” Rainbow shrilled.
“Ya’ll were drunk! On my cider! Which ya still haven’t paid me back for, by the by!”
“Um, Applejack?” Pinkie said. “Don’t be so harsh on Dashie. I mean, you weren’t there. You didn’t see how...”
“How what, Pinkie?” Asked Twilight.
***
“Uhh, Dashie?” Pinkie hesitated as she approached. “Whatcha doing?”
Rainbow stood atop the bed, her back to Pinkie and leaning down, her muzzle buried in the fabric of the sheets.
“C’mere for a moment,” Rainbow said, frowning in concentration, her nostrils flaring like a bloodhound with a scent trail.
Pinkie shrugged and hopped atop the bed. A spicy, musky scent tickled her nose.
“Do you smell it too?” Rainbow asked and before Pinkie could react, she shoved a bundled mass of the sheets right under Pinkie’s nose.
Pinkie started a bit, but curiosity got the better of her. She then inhaled.
“Oh. Oh, wow. That is—”
“I know, right? And this is nothing. It’s like way stronger when he starts getting all sweaty during practice.”
Pinkie fidgeted. Her hind legs rubbed together as the echoes of a familiar ache began to manifest in her marehood.
“So you and Anon... I mean, have the two of you... you know,” she made a suggestive gesture with her hooves.
Rainbow shook her head.
“Really?”
“Mm-mmm.”
“Really, really,” Pinkie pressed.
“Nope,” Rainbow said.
“But that’s crazy! I mean,” Pinkie buried her face in the sheets and took a deep breath, purring in contentment. “That smells like somepony who’s rarin’ for some fun!”
“Tell me about it,” Rainbow muttered. “You should have seen Derpy and AJ during Anon’s first few practice rounds at hoofball.” She grinned. “It was like Neighagara Falls down there.”
“If he’s as potent as you say,” Pinkie inhaled the sheets again, her cheeks flushed. “I can’t really blame them. Oof, it’s even getting me all hot and bothered,”
“I’d say you get used to it,” Dash said as she followed Pinkie’s lead and took another sample of Anonymous’ exotic alien musk. “But you really don’t.”
***
“Aha!” Rarity said suddenly. “So I wasn’t imagining things after all!” At her friends’ questioning looks, she elaborated. “I too noticed Anonymous tended to send, eh, mixed signals, so to speak. I thought nothing of it at first. Just normal human behavior was my thinking, but after hearing what Rainbow and Pinkie said, it’s more likely Anonymous doesn’t even realize he’s, well, putting himself out there.”
“I’m not too sure about that, Rares,” Applejack said. “I mean, I’ve been close to the feller when he starts working up a good sweat. He might as well be hanging a sign over his head invitin’ ya for a private hoedown, if you know what I mean.”
Twilight voiced her doubts. “Don’t forget, Applejack. He’s technically an alien. First of his kind in Equestria. There’s no precedent where he and his biology are concerned. But... hmm.” she tapped a hoof to her chin. “More likely than not, his sense of smell is nowhere near acute as ours. And that’s not mentioning the fact we know next to nothing about his species’ mating rituals. Things that may seem normal or obvious to us probably go over his head, and vice versa.”
Rainbow groaned. “You’re making this sound way too complicated. He has needs, we have needs. We get together, break the ice and help each other out. Easy peasy.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “That simple, huh?”
Rainbow shrugged. “Works for everypony else.”
“Maybe you’re right,” Twilight said to the surprise of all. “Well, to an extent. There could be a middle ground here we can work towards.” She frowned thoughtfully. “Of course, we still have unknown variables to contend with.” Her wing unfolded to point at the six visual aids in the chalkboard. “We’ve all made a bit of progress this past week, and though we have a better sense of where we stand with Anonymous, I believe it’s as good a time as any to test the waters. Dip our hooves, so to speak. See how... receptive he is to a mare’s advances.”
“Aw, yeah!” Rainbow said, rubbing her hooves. “Finally, some action.”
“Which reminds me, Applejack,” Twilight continued. “Be so kind as to tie Pinkie up for a bit. We wouldn’t want any rogue elements to destabilize this delicate part of our operation.”
“Wait, what?” With a flash of magic, a rope materialized in front of Applejack and before Pinkie could blink, she found herself hogtied to the floor, lying face-up, her legs kicking as she squirmed against her bonds. “Oh, come on!” she cried indignantly.
“S’rry hun,” Applejack said thickly, not looking sorry at all, rope held in her mouth as she gave it one last tug to tighten the knots. “But, y’know, royal mandate and all.”
“Think of it this way, darling,” Rarity said breezily. “A nice, well-earned rest.”
Rainbow hovered above the bound Pinkie Pie, eyes narrowed as she regarded her friend’s compromised position. A core memory stirred in her mind. Her lip curled into a licentious smirk. “Heheh,” she chuckled. “Doesn’t this look familiar to you guys?” Her friends spared her some curious glances. “Hearth's Warming Eve? AJ’s barn? Pinkie’s big box of toys?” Her friends blushed and looked away, the events of that wild night deeply etched in their collective memories.
“Ooh!” Pinkie cooed. “Does this make me the Hearth’s Warming gift again?” She batted her eyelashes in an uncannily similar way to Rarity. “Who gets to open me up this time?” She wiggled suggestively in a manner that drew attention to her supple flank. Her friends blushed harder still.
“Look, Pinkie dear,” Rarity said delicately. “You know the girls and I love you for your, eh, Pinkieness. But maybe you should learn when to tone it down a skooch.” The others muttered their agreement.
Pinkie’s smile wavered. “Oh. Sorry everypony,” she said sincerely. “Guess I got a little too excited, huh?”
“Happens to the best of us, sugarcube.”
Pinkie took a deep breath, then another. “In my defense, it’s been a while since I’ve had a stallion.”
Applejack nodded solemnly. “The dating pool is a bit dry out there.”
Twilight smiled wryly. “Welcome to Ponyville, am I right?” Her friends’ chuckles were tinged with a hint of bitterness.
“It’s probably too little, too late,” Pinkie said. “But I’m sorry, Twilight. I didn’t mean to throw a monkey wrench in the works.”
Rainbow sighed. “Yeah, me too. We should have known better than to break into somepony’s house. It’s just, well,” She bit her lip. “I haven’t been laid in months, alright? A-and Anon’s not making things any easier, running around with that... that... ‘buck me’ smell of his.” Pinkie and Applejack nodded knowingly.
“It’s been a dry spell for us all, darling,” Rarity said. “But we are also grown mares, not ones to give in to our base impulses.”
“Uh-huh,” Rainbow drawled. “And how long’s it been since you got some action, Rares?”
Rarity chuckled. “Well, it’s not been months, I can tell you that much. Why, it’s... it’s only been—” Rarity’s small, haughty smile curved downward, morphing into a grim line as she stared into the distance. “No, you know what? A proper lady does not kiss and tell!”
Rainbow snorted, rolling her eyes.
“And no offense, Twilight,” Pinkie said, still bound like a prize hog. “But you’re not exactly helping, what with drawing cocks all over the place.” She jerked her head to the chalkboard, where the phallic looking aids stretched tall and proud, almost mocking the horny mares.
Twilight sighed wearily. “I’ve said it already, Pinkie, they are not—”
The turning of a brass handle rang loud in the small room, drawing the attention of all. Fluttershy stepped forward, her lips taut in a strained smile. Flanking her was the tall, distinctive shape of...
“Anon-Anonymous?” Twilight squeaked out, nearly choking on her spit. Her unprepared friends fared little better.
He nodded. “Hey, Twilight. Ladies,” He said, acknowledging the other mares. His eyes then fell on the still bound Pinkie. “...Should I come back later?”
“O-oh, this?” Pinkie said, wiggling her limbs. “Pshh, no. No! We... we were just, um...”
“Learning about knots!” Twilight said.
Rainbow cocked her head. “We were?” Rarity not-so-subtly kicked her in the shins. “I-I mean, yes! Yes we were. In fact, AJ was telling us all about it.” She turned to the cowpony with a smile that was a bit too wide and self-satisfied. “Right?”
Applejack’s eye twitched. “Right y’are, RD,” she said through clenched teeth and trotted over to Pinkie’s side and tugged at the rope for emphasis. “See, this here’s a square knot. It’s a good, all-around, reliable sort.” She pulled at the rope with a swift tug, releasing the bound Pinkie.
“Ooh, don’t forget the pretzel knot,” Pinkie said helpfully as she got back to her hooves. “I like that one.”
“And the double-diamond knot,” Rarity chimed in.
“My dad taught me the gut knot,” Rainbow said.
“I like the butterfly knot,” Fluttershy said softly.
Twilight tapped a hoof to her chin. “Interesting. Maybe I should look into...” She caught Anonymous’ eye and shook her head. “Oh. Sorry, where are my manners?” Smiling pleasantly, she said, “What brings you here? Can I help you with something?”
“I’d like to check out some books.”
“You do?” Her face lit up with a smile. “That’s great! I... don’t believe you even have a library card, do you? I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you stop by before and... w-well, that’s alright! We can get you set up in a jiffy. It’s really a fairly expedient process, much more streamlined than the system we had in place before I took over the library,” she said proudly. “Anyway, follow me and we’ll sort it out.”
Trotting beside him, Twilight unfolded her wing to usher him out the small room and into the main hall of the library, closing the door with her magic. She then made a beeline for the small reception area she appropriated for conducting library business and began rifling through it in search for the necessary items. Blank library cards, an official ledger, quills; the works.
“Hmm, I know I had that thing around here somewhere...” Twilight muttered as she used her magic to open the various drawers at the reception desk, levitating the contents as she searched for the camera.
Anonymous nodded. “You mind if I look around in the meantime?”
Twilight waved a hoof. “Not at all.” After making sure she placed everything back where it was, she looked up. “Looking for something in particular? Did you have any questions?”
Anonymous scratched at the stubble of his jaw, lips quirking into an odd smile as he glanced back at the small room he’d found Twilight. “Just one, actually,” With a jerk of his thumb, pointed to the closed door to Twilight’s study. “What’s with the cocks?”
***
Back inside Twilight’s study, five mares had their own issues to deal with.
“Hoo-whee,” Pinkie Pie sighed, wiping the imaginary sweat off her forehead. “That was close.”
“Dagnabit, Fluttershy,” Applejack whispered. “Why’d you go and bring that feller inside here anyway?”
“Oh. Well, I did try and talk to Anonymous to distract him but, um, I don’t think he heard me.”
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Typical.”
“Hush now, girls,” Rarity whispered. “Let’s not give him any reason to suspect anything’s amiss.” She turned her attention to the door and, calling upon her magic, opened it ever so delicately—just enough to allow a sliver of the events playing out in the main room.
The five mares were practically stacked atop the other as they vied for a spot to peek through.
“Is she... lecturing him?” Rainbow Dash said.
“So it seems,” Rarity sighed.
“Silly Twilight,” Pinkie giggled. “No wonder she never gets any action.”
“Even I know that’s not the way to get a stallion interested,” Fluttershy whispered.
“Yes siree,” Applejack said dejectedly. “We sure have our work cut out for us with this filly.”
“Ohh, don’t be such a sourpuss,” Pinkie said. “We just need to push her in the right direction.”
“What we need,” Rainbow said. “Is to somehow get her to take that big ol’ stick out her plothole.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Rarity said, aghast. “Do you kiss your father with that mouth?”
“No. Just yours.”
“Now see here, you—”
“Landsakes, do the two of y’all need a room?” Applejack hissed.
“Or a spicy little accoutrement to kick things up a notch?” Pinkie said, presenting her hoof in which she held a peculiar, teardrop-shaped object, the kind an adventurous pony or creature might use for backdoor activities.
There came the frantic beating of wings and stomping of hooves as her friends backed away from the obscene object in her grip.
Rarity’s eyes were wide as saucers. “P-P-Pinkie Pie! Where on Tartarus did you get that?”
“Why do you even have it?” Applejack demanded, regarding the profane object as if it were a snake in the grass.
“Well, we were talking about plots and pulling things out of plots and something about bedroom play, so...” she swiveled her head, regarding the horrified and livid glares sent her way. “Did I misread that?”
“The buck do ya think?” Applejack said through gritted teeth.
“Put it away. Just put it away!” Rarity wailed.
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Alright, jeez... everypony’s being a sourpuss today.” She then reached back behind her and...
Everymare groaned.
Dash facehooved. “No. Pinkie! Don’t stick it up your... why didn’t you just put it back where you found it?”
Pinkie blinked. “But I did.”
...
…
“That’s it,” Rarity said. “I’m out of here.” She promptly cantered for the door, opening it with her telekinesis.
“Wait, Rarity!” said Fluttershy as she fluttered after her. “I don’t think Twilight was done with her—” The door slammed shut. “Oh. Okay.”
