Pinkie Pie comes into the human world, in the weirdest way you've ever imagined.
Recoiling from the death of his mother, Finn is a shy, nervous man whos life is punctuated by work, being bullied by his older brother, smoking pot and watching My Little Pony with his beloved Pinkie Pie Plushie. Things appear to suck for this man until his plushie comes to life and teaches him about the magic of friendship and the power of a smile!
Finn woke up to the static sound of some awful Rihanna song emanating from his clock radio, his hand sluggishly reaching out and slapping the snooze button to remove the noise, then immediately turned off the device. He slumped over and put his hands on his face, annoyed by the sluggish possession of insomnia over his mind and the inevitable oily feeling of acne developing on his nose. He went to his nasty restroom and began splashing his face with cold water and drinking large gulps of it. He put on his paint splattered jeans and left the apartment, walking over to The Lamplight.
Finn took a seat at the back of the restraint, far away enough from the other patrons and close to a window and the smoking section. He stared at the window, becoming increasingly focused on a bird perched on a jeep.
“Uh sir, sir!” A waitress yelled at him
He suddenly whipped back, terrified and surprised at this unexpected surprise. He laughed a little with the waitress in a rather nervous fashion. “Um, some coffee to start,” he said, staring at the menu. The chunky, cute waitress sauntered off and came back to pour his coffee.
“What can I get for you Finn? She asked him. He began to think about his breakfast options; he had been coming into the restraint, every morning for the past two years and had been ordering Belgian Waffles for the past four months. Now if he ordered his usual, he wouldn’t be disappointed, also he didn’t want to talk to the waitress and figured that if he tried something new, the woman would react strangely. He couldn’t think clearly and he answered, “A Belgian Waffle with Apples, please,” he said dryly.
“Boy, you’re one creature of habit, I have a nephew just like that, of course he has Aspergers, and do you know what Aspergers is?” He responds to this sudden query of questions by smiling lightly in a rather contrived fashion that still seemed sincere enough to fool the woman. She left.
''There’s no way to shut up that cow!” He said under his breath, stacking the little jelly containers into a tower. He soon became fixated on this tower and was considering stealing containers from other tables, just when the waitress snuck up and surprised him again.
“Here’s your waffle sir.”
Knocking down his tower in surprise, he muttered irritably, “Charlene!” He looked back at her and apologizes profusely; embarrassed at the show he’s put on for the other diners and the staff. He eats his breakfast quickly and leaves very fast, tipping generously.
He wandered home then, his hands flapping vigorously. He was humiliated and knew he could never go back into that diner. What’s worse, he had worked in an hour. He quickly left his home to go to his desk job at TetraTech. Riding in his cab, he listens intimately to his driver’s accent as he speaks in some strange tongue. The tower is soon before him. He once loved looking at monoliths like these and dreamed of becoming an architect. Five years of his job through, and the tower now symbolized the dark side of adulthood; he felt his soul shrivel a little it at the buildings sight.
The day was spent primarily with him getting small amounts of work in his amazing dull job between periods of staring down at his desk and getting up to go to the water cooler, interspersed with the humorously chauvinistic tit comments coming from one of his coworkers at the water cooler.
Finn wandered home, deciding to walk. He stalked on home, feeling strange and nervous. He finally got home, slamming the door behind him and heading to his room. He pulled down the blankets on his bed and revealing his Pinkie Pie plushie. He said, "There you are," and hugged it to his body, weeping a little bit. The plushie reminded him of his mother; it had been a year since she had passed. His subconscious anger toward his deadbeat father melted away for a little bit as he hugged the cupcake loving equine to his body. He smiled a little bit when he heard the door to his apartment open up. He crammed the plushie under his blanket and left his bedroom. It was his brother, Ziggy.
"Hey Zig man," he said slapping his brother’s hand. Ziggy was a taller, older boy, aged 25 with seemingly unrecoverable grime to his body, his arms lined with tattoos and always smelled like smoke, old beer and sometimes reefer. Finn loved his brother, but avoided him when possible.
"Look bro, I need you to help me move some shit, I’ll give you 10 bucks" Ziggy said, pulling out an oz. of dro from his pocket.
"You know, I’m really quite busy right now, Zig." Finn said, not feeling ready to risk his ass. Ziggy began to walk towards Finn intimidatingly, pressing him against a corner saying, "Now look here you shit, mom said that we have to look out for each other now that she’s gone."
Guilt seized Finns body, remembering the times in the cancer ward. He said, "Fine," and took the dro, feeling terrible.
It was a dirty house, where Finn was to sell the weed. He pulled up on his bike, feeling strange and nervous. He had been robbed and beated doing shit like this. He had even been arrested once before, which while it wasn’t a big deal to Ziggy (Ziggy was one arrest away from a 20 year sentence and used this to guilt Finn into doing stuff sometimes). Finn knocked on the door, to see a friendly looking black man at the door. He wore some Trukfit stuff, was about 250 pounds and had a big smile.
"Here’s your stuff, sir" Finn said, handing over the bag of weed and putting out his hand to receive the 150$
“Thank you, Sir! Hehehe. Shoot, my names Willie," he said well naturedly, while having a laugh at Finns strange mannerisms, whilst shaking Finns hand in a way that seemed very good natured and kind, yet had the drug money inside. The money changed hands and Willie said, "Hey, what’s your name?"
"Finn."
"You want to smoke a fat one here, Finn?" He asked, smirking.
"Naw, I’ve got to get home" Finn said leaving for his bike.
"Well alright Finn, but you swing on by whenever you want to smoke or chill or whatever. I’m making cupcakes tonight!" Finn rode away on his bike, smiling about this awesome man.
When he got home he found Ziggy sitting on his armchair, eating the last Swiss-Miss pudding in the fridge that Finn was looking forward to. He shrugged it off and threw the 150$ to Ziggy, removing ten for himself. Ziggy looked at his money and said, "Alright, now let’s flame up!" pulling out his bowl and beginning to take a hit. Finn than reached over and took a hit for himself.
As the night proceeded, both of them had smoked copious amounts of reefer. Finn, in a raspy voice said, "Now here’s something you’ll love" and put on My Little Pony.
"What is this faggy shit?!" Ziggy said.
"Dude it’s My Little Pony! Haven’t you heard of it?"
‘’Oh yeah, I've heard of it and all the fags like you who watch it."
"Dude give it a-"
"Oh what’s that, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you being gay!"
"But-"
"Gay’’
"That’s really quite."
"GAY!!!"
"Fine, well just watch sports center."He said as he put on the Bulls game. He really wanted to watch that day’s episode (The Ticket Master) but his brother would’ve to leave for him to do that. They watched the basketball game for an hour until Ziggy left, without offering a thanks for the food or service.
He looked at his cat wall clock and realized it was 12:04 AM. "Jesus, I better get to bed," He walked towards his room when he saw his Pinkie plushie sitting at the edge of his bed. "Hey Pinkie." he said amusedly
"Hi friend!"
"Holy Shit!" He yelled stumbling backwards. "That shit was laced," he thought to himself.
"I’m Pinkie Pie, what’s your name?" It said, leaping at him.
"Well, I might have fun with this bad acid trip," he muttered to himself, "I’m Finn" he said, hugging this plushie.
"Great, what do you want to do Finn?"
"Uh, I don’t know Pinkie, what do you want to do."
Finn put on the "Birthday Song" by 2 Chainz, and began dancing with the small plushie. He put on his little strobe light, and the apartment was filled with bright fluorescent lights of many colors. He took out a carrot cake that he had saved in the fridge, and mysteriously, the plushie seemed capable of eating it, although he never figured out how. The partied for 2 hours until Finn apologized to Pinkie for cutting off the music.
"Pinkie I need to ask you some things."
"Okie Dokie Lokie!"
"What do you know about Equestria?"
"Well, Finn, not as much as you think I do. All the toys have the memories of the characters they portray, but ultimately I know I am a toy and I’m definitely not the show’s Pinkie Pie."
The sentiment was strangely logical for Pinkie Pie. ‘
’Well look Pinkie, I know those nuggets looked funny, so I’m going to bed and tomorrow you’ll be back to being a plush."
"Nuggets? You mean like chicken nuggets? I want some!"
"Quiet Pinkie, I seriously need my sleep." He pulled the covers over himself and fell asleep a while later, Pinkie snuggled under his arm.
Finn got awaken to instantly smell pancakes coming from his kitchen. He dressed himself and began walking out, figuring his grandma had dropped by or something. He instead saw Pinkie shoveling pancakes onto his plate.
"Pinkie, you’re alive!" he shouted enthusiastically, jumping up and down.
"Well, of course I am Finn, and I made pancakes!" Finn began eating his pancakes excitedly, shoveling them down his throat with so much excitement about living with his favorite pony. He suddenly got up and begin throwing her into the air and catching her. He had never felt so happy since before his mothers death. All of a sudden, he heard knocking at his door.
He whispered, "Alright Pinkie hide!" "Oooh! Hide and seek!" She said hiding under a bed.
He was glad to see that it was just his neighbor down the hall; Tegan. "Finn!' "Hey Tegan." he said nervously, Tegan was a hot curvy woman with jet black hair, a leather jacket on and tight pink jeans on. "
I brought you some Samosas!"
"Uh... thank you!." He took them and quickly shut the door, running to his fridge to put them away and feeling stupid for being so scared of a woman. Pinkie crept out and said "You like her don’t you."
"Don’t be silly"
"Well, Finn, I’m always silly! Why don’t you ask her out!?"
"I don’t know, I’m just nervous I guess" he said, while eating a samosa
"You’ve just got to giggle at your nervous ghosties ya know."
Finn’s eyes grew wide at the realization and said, "Hey Pinkie I want to go to a friend’s place, could you ride there with me in my man-bag"
"You mean your purse?" Finn rolled his eyes and put her inside, leaving plenty of room for air in the zipper.
"Let’s go."
He rode his bike, Pinkie in tow towards Willie’s place, the wind upon his hair. Upon arriving at Willie’s place he knocked on the door.
"Finn my man!" Willie said opening the door
"Hey Willie!" he said happily.
"Hey is that Derpy on your shirt? Man, she is the best pony!" Willie said
"Really? Hell yeah! Brohoof!" Finn said, surprised that this man was a brony. They exchanged brohoofs and went inside. The two sat down on Willie’s couch and Willie got out two blunts.
"My nigga, I’ve been waiting for someone to watch these ponies with and smoke with."
"I feel that way too, Willie," he said smirking. They had smoked a lot of weed and had watched four episodes, when Pinkie peeked her head out.
"Dude, is that Pinkie Pie!?' Willie yelled, surprised.
"Uh, yeah!" Finn said afraid of what would happen, but amused that someone else had seen her and proved he wasn’t insane.
"What’s that funny smelling stuff?" Pinkie asked pointing at some weed on the table.
"Uh, thats nothing, Pinkie" Finn said, trying to preserve Pinkie’s innocence.
"That my sista pony, is ganja!" Willie said laughing.
‘’It’ll make you high and fly like a pegasus!"
"Ooo, that sounds like a lot of fun!" Pinkie said picking up the blunt
"No, Pinkie Pie, STOP!" Finn yelled, with a feel of laughter
Pinkie took a hit and began coughing. They all sat together watching TV and laughing at the episode, "Night Mare Night."
Pinkie's eyes were red and she suddenly said "Oh, I smell cupcakes!"
"Somepony’s got the munchies," Willie yelled, hooting and laughing. Pinkie went to the kitchen and came back with an ice cream sundae and cupcake mix in one bowl that looked delicious. All of them dug into it with some crusty spoons from the sink and ate it together laughing heartily. They spent the rest of the afternoon watching Pinkie Pie dance poorly to rap music and watching her laugh about things even sober Pinkie wouldn't laugh at.
The days of that spring had flown by like butter dripping off a hot biscuit. Finn had vowed not to smoke weed around Pinkie, feeling guilty about the previous incident. The spring was mostly him, Pinkie and Willie hanging out watching MLP, just him and Willie smoking kush or Finn and Pinkie chilling out in the apartment talking about Equestria. Pinkie appeared to be aware of her existence as a show character but refused to speak of how she came to sentience as a plushie or how she had pulled off so many biological impossibilities (moving without muscles, talking, being a living plushie). Still, Pinkie had never been anywhere besides Finns apartment and Willies pad, being forced to hide in the bag for the ride to the crib. He decided he would take her to the park one late night and show her the city when there were few people out.
"OK Pinkie get into my satchel." he told Pinkie, pointing at his satchel "Satchel? All I see is a purse!" Pinkie said smiling "Shut up Pinkie" he muttered as she got into the bag.
Walking out with the bag, Pinkie was peeking her head out to look around (somehow not realizing that she was defeating the satchels purpose) as on the way down they ran into Tegan, his hot neighbor down the hall. "Hey Finn!" she said "Hi Tegan." he sid, trying not to stare at her chest, accentuated by her cocktail dress. "What are you doing Finn?" "Just gong out, you?" "Oh ive got a date with-oh here he is now!" her head swiveling. Who else should stride up but Finns brother Ziggy. She ran up and kissed him in a way that hurt Finns heart a tiny bit. "Seeya Finn!" she yelled in a giggly joyful manner "Yeah and nice fucking pony!" Ziggy said mockingly, pointing at the plushies head sticking out of the bag.
They both laughed in a tone more rude than Finn would have liked and looked out. Finn was really pissed off that they saw Pinkie but was thankful they didn't see her moving. "Goddamn cock blocking pony, fucking Ziggys asshole self" he muttered under his breath as he walked out the apartment door. Eventually they found a park in the center of the city and he let Pinkie out. "Hey Pinkie, im sorry if I sounded mad earlier" "OK and next time I wont block you from obtaining roosters." "uuhh Ok" Finn said, a bit confused but remembering his line about Pinkie being a "cock blocker"
The city had a beautiful skyline in spite of all of its issues. The Faust Tower stood tall and powerful, a symbol of the cities former glory. The Midway theater stood nearby, the decrepit old building clearly having once been the place to be in the roaring 20's. They enjoyed each others company as they sat there joking about clop, when Finn turned to Pinkie and said "You know Pinkie, you could just be a hallucination but I am truly glad I met you. Did you know you are my very best friend?" "Oh Finn, your my best-est friend in the whole wide world, wait is this world wide? I think Equestrias flat" she said suddenly fascinated by this latest digression.
He laughed and picked her up, kissing her head and hugging her into his body and looking at the big cruel city, wishing that this moment could last forever. This lasted for about an hour until Pinkie simply asked Finn "Hey Finn why dont you ask out that mare?" "You mean Tegan?" he asked "Yeah!" "I don't know, I really don't have a shot. I guess im afraid. "And why don't you stand up to your brother, i've seen how he treats you, aren't you tired of running narcotics?" This was weirdly free of digressions and Pinkie sounded as serious as she could get. "You know, im pretty afraid of that sort of thi, you see I was diagnosesd with Aspergers Syndrome, a symptom of which is social anx-" "Horseshit!" "PINKIE!" "Sorry Finn but in Equestria we dont have such psychological crutches, look I used to be scared of things but Grannie Pie" "Yeah im familiar with the song, I am a brony." Pinkie looked at him meaningfully and poked his chest "But did you take it to heart? Finny you gotta stand up tall and learn to face your fears!" she soon began singing the whole song and by the end Finny joined in singing in unison, prompting one neighbor to yell out his window "shut the fuck up!"
Finn put Pinkie into his bag and went home in a good mood. He felt ready to take on anything. The next morning he strode by Tegans apartment, smiling and said "Hello Tegan!" "Oh hi Finn" she replied. She seemed a bit off-put by Finns uncharacteristically hyper enthusiastic attitude. "So how did the date go last night?" he asked inquisitively "Yuck, don't mention it. No offense I know hes your brother but uuhhh...yuck!." "Oh don't worry, I know hes an asshole." Finns heart went into his stomach a bit but he managed to confidently muster "Anyways im curious if you were busy on Friday."
"Well no im going clubbing with my girlfriends" she said, as Finns heart went down to his stomach in that sinking happieness sensation. "Well why dont I take you with and you can be my date!" she said excitedly Finn smiled a big smile and said "Great, ill pick you up here at 9:00" he than left and went to his apartment and danced a little jig before kissing Pinkie straight on the face.
He and Pinkie went to Willies place later that day, passing a murder scene and 3 more condemned buildings. Willie opened the door and said "Finn my nigga! and Pinkie Pie too! Haha" he smiled and hugged them both before letting them in. Distantly a Mic the Microphone song was playing and they sat down on the couch to watch MLP. 20 minutes in, Willie got into a heated and racially tinged argument with Finn over whether humanized Pinkie should be black or white. "Do you not see her mane, its nappy as hell!" Willie said pointing at Pinkie. "Look man, Pinkie is incredibly white. Her voice is white, and every pony is white. The only black there is Zecora. Quit trying to forcefully diversify the show. She eats cupcakes and cookies, not kool aid and fried chicken" "Finn das racist as fuck. Fuck You!" they both looked at eachother and began laughing super hard. They turned to Pinkie asking her "Ok Pinkie, if you were a human what race would you be?" "The Amazing Race!" she said, remebering a show she and Finn watched The two started laughing again. Finn stayed another hour before leaving with Pinkie. "Alright yall take care now! God bless!" "God bless you too Willie!" Finn yelled. "Celestia bless you!" Pinkie yelled as Finn was up the block. Faintly they hear Willie yell "Hell yeah!"
The rest of the week was the same with miserable stretches of time at work punctuated by chilling with Pinkie. Friday finally showed up, and Finn put on a black collared shirt with a white tie, and his hair styled a bit. He looked a bit like Neon Lights. He showed up at her door carrying a little bouquet of flowers of which he handed to her. "Oooh these are lovely!" she said sniffing the flowers and putting them in a vase. Tegan was wearing a lovely party dress, a bright green thing. "You look amazing in that dress." he said "This? Oh its just a crazy old thing I wear sometimes. But thanks" she looked him up and down and said "and my do you look good" "Oh, thanks" he said, extremely pleased but attempting to act like he didn't care.
They waited at her apartment waiting for her friends to show up. They showed up 20 minutes laer, in the middle of a conversation about the Pet Shop Boys who were apparently her favorite band. There were two girls, another white girl who was sort of fat and frankly not all that attractive named Hannah and a tall, black woman named Michelle. They all hit it off and they got into Michelles car, with Tegan having clearly made an attempt to sit next to him. She even put her hand on his hand, a feeling he had never actually known. They all strode in, the volume of some Skrillex song deafening and grating on Finns nerves, the man an amateur critic. Tegan grabbed Finns hand and led him onto the dance floor and reluctantly Finn began dancing a bit poorly much to Tegans amusement. Knowing he had something good going Finn stopped caring and went all out in his dancing. As the night progressed with hits by Deadmau5 and other techno artists were playing they each had a lot of fun and near the end were practically making out in the middle of the dance floor. At one point she even twerked/grinded/juked on him to "Get Low" by Lil Jon. After a while they both got tired and went to the bar to get some drinks where they continued conversing with their friends "Yeah way to ignore us and spend all the time with your damn boyfriend!" Hanna yelled semi-jokingly. Everyone laughed and Tegan looked at Finn funny but not rudely.
They continued on through the night until 2:00 AM when everyone agrreed it as time to go home. The carride was a short one and for Finn the night had just begun Tegan walked with Pinkie to his apartment and she said "do you wanna let me in for some coffee? "Uuuh OK" he said letting her in. He began fumbling around in his kitchen, slightly drunk while Tegan sat down on the couch. He emerged with two coffee mugs one of which he offered to her "Oh, uh thanks" she said, not actually having expected coffee "You know Teagan, I don't think ive ever had this much fun with anyone before" he said joyfully "Yeah I had a really good time too." she than reached for his tie and pulled him forward into a deep, french kiss that rocked his world (pardon the cliché).
They made out for half an hour, he gradually becoming more confident in his kissing when he decided to take a gamble and grabbed one of her breasts and began stroking the thing, a Solid D-cup. "Maybe we ought to take this to your bedroom." she said smiling "Alright...uh look Tegan I dont have much experience with this so uhh..." "Don't worry Finn, you cant be worse than your brother was.Seriously, I think id rather receive an enema from a man in a nazi uniform. Finn cringed at the fact that she and his brother did in fact have sex but laughed at her negative critique of his sexual performance. They went into his bedroom, where he immediately knocked Pinkie off the bed before Tegan could see her. "ouchie!" Pinkie said "What was that!?" Tegan asked, hearing the word of Pinkie "Must have been a gust of wind..." "Oh" Pinkie slunk out of the room while Finns body intertwined with Tegans in an embrace that felt like it would last forever.
