Wait, How Many Candles?
Aaaaaaaaand done!
You take a step back from the kitchen counter to admire your work. Before you, on a spotless silver platter, is a beautiful three-tiered cake. This project took you literally all day, but you couldn't be more proud of the end result. The cake is decorated perfectly, with a beautifully smooth white icing covering the cake and each layer carefully shaped to resemble the sun. In particular, they are made to resemble the cutie mark of the now-retired Celestia, your wife. If you were to cut the cake open, you would find that it is in fact a chocolate-flavored cake, made with the richest chocolate you could find. This cake is probably big and rich enough to feed about thirty ponies. Tia will probably get through it in a day or two by herself.
You take in the delicious scent one more time before placing the large glass covering over the platter. Glancing out the window, you confirm that the sun is beginning to set. Looks like you're right on time. You clean yourself, turn off the lights and head towards the pond not too far from your house. The walk takes a few minutes, but you can already hear the distinct sounds of music and voices coming from that direction. You just chuckle to yourself as you make your way to the party.
Yes, it's Tia's birthday today. You have no idea how old she is, and she seems intent on keeping it that way. You know from basic Equestrian history that she has been around for at least a few thousand years, but she outright refuses to specify exactly how many times she has been around the block. She likes to tease you about that.
"Oh, woe is me! My little human claims to love me, yet they don't even know my age! How cruel!"
Such sentiments are common from her, to which you usually respond in a similar manner.
"Ah, but communication is the key to a healthy relationship, and my wife refuses to disclose such information! I suppose I shall simply have to tell my peers that I am married to a crone!"
You both often add some Rarity-inspired flare to these theatrics. And while you would both always end up laughing it off, you would still never get a real answer out of her. Maybe she really does just enjoy teasing you.
Or maybe she just forgot how old she is.
Regardless, you aren't going to let her get away with not celebrating her birthday. By now you've reached the party. To no one's surprise, the party is perfect. After all, you specifically asked Pinkie Pie to plan and host it. It doesn't take much looking around to find Tia. It helps that she sticks out like a sore thumb. She seems to be enjoying some lighthearted conversation with Twilight, Spike, and Rarity, with a cup casually levitating in the air next to her. It seems like she is having a good time. That's good!
It means she didn't notice you slip away to finish that cake.
Hopefully.
Really, keeping her out of the house all day was much more challenging than you expected. She is extremely outgoing and adventurous, especially after retiring, and yet she seemed very keen on spending the day with you. You really are flattered, and you're sure it would be lovely to spend the whole day with her, but you've been planning to make that cake for too long to let her get away with having the surprise spoiled. To that end, you made sure that Luna took her off your hands, with Luna insisting that there are several old friends of theirs in Canterlot that wanted to wish Tia a happy birthday in person. Whether or not that's true, you have no idea, but you do appreciate Luna being so ride-or-die in situations like this. You bicker with your sister-in-law almost as much as Tia does, but you know you can count on her at the end of the day. She also made sure to deliver Tia to this "surprise party" held by Pinkie. Of course, Pinkie was also more than willing to help you, and she was ecstatic to finally throw a birthday party for Celestia. You aren't going to downplay how incredible the party is. Heck, you were among the crowd that was there to surprise Tia when she and Luna arrived. But of course, it was all part of your delightfully devilish ruse. With however unspecified-yet-still-long amount of time that Tia has been around, you know from experience that it is difficult to do something that she hasn't seen before.
At the very least, you're hoping that covering up your little homemade surprise party by using a much bigger and more professional surprise party will catch her off guard.
You're so lost in thought that you jump a little when you notice a full cup being levitated towards you. Turning your head, you see Luna approaching you with a cocky smile on her face, a second drink pressed against her lips.
"Hey, Luna. Thanks again for keeping Tia busy all day."
"Hmhm, you owe me one. Again."
"You really need to start calling in those favors. I hate being in debt to you."
"Don't tempt me, 'sunshine.' You have no idea how cruel I can be."
"Didn't you send me to the moon a few weeks ago for helping Tia raid your fridge? Which, I might add, was NOT my idea?"
"Ohoho, trust me, if you think that's me being cruel, you have no idea."
"Pfft. You act tough, but I know there's a gentle mare under that cold exterior. Don't think I haven't noticed a distinct lack of nightmares since Tia and I started dating."
"I... well... S-she deserves no less than the best, and you can't be that without a good night's sleep, now can you?"
"Haha, no, I suppose I can't. But really, thank you Luna, I do appreciate it."
"You're welcome, then. It better have been worth it. I seem to recall my sister giving you an amazing birthday."
Ah, yeah... you kind of... don't. That whole day is like nothing more than a slideshow of fuzzy images in your mind. You feel like you remember... the ocean? The smell of that 'Celestia's Snowpity' candle she bought? A literal bed of roses, maybe? And you remember Tia wearing... socks? Now that you think about it you should probably ask Tia what actually happened that day sometime soon.
And why do you feel a blush coming to your face?!
"It was worth it, I promise. The cake looks AMAZING. I just hope it tastes as good as it looks."
"Well, is there enough chocolate in it to make you vomit?"
"Oh absolutely."
"Then yeah, she'll love it. You better just hope she isn't too tired to enjoy it."
Luna motions towards the other side of the pond, where Tia and a few other guests are happily dancing to the music. Having spent so much of her life in Canterlot Castle, Tia is a master at ballroom dancing, but when it comes to more casual dancing like this... well, she may as well have four left hooves. Not that anyone would notice, what with... whatever it is that Twilight is doing not too far from her. Seriously, is she just flailing around and calling it a dance? Oh, great, now Tia's copying her.
Okay that's actually kind of adorable.
"Trust me moonbutt, if there's one thing that will perk Tia up no matter what, it's cake."
"As far as I can tell, there are two things. Cake, sure, but also you."
"Huh?"
"Hmhm, never mind, she'd kill me if she heard this conversation. Now, if you'll excuse me, Trixie is about to put on a show and I need to double check her spells to make sure that none are going to backfire. Good luck with my sister."
"Thanks, Luna. Try not to be a victim of one of those spells yourself!"
With that, she walks to a makeshift stage that has been set up nearby. With a contented sigh, you turn to join the rest of the party and pretend that you never left.
You fumble around in your pocket for your keys as you and Tia stand outside your home. Well, more accurately, you're standing outside your home. Tia is practically asleep and leaning against your side for support. Her head is nestled against your chest with your arm gently draped around her neck. It's incredibly cute, but it does make it hard to dig for your keys.
Ah, here we go.
As you open the door, the distinct scent of a freshly baked cake wafts out of the house. Sure enough, Celestia's eyes immediately pop open and she escapes your grasp, now at full attention. She looks to you with a glimmer in her eyes.
"Sunshine, you didn't!"
"Why don't you go take a look?"
After excitedly prancing in place for a moment with a small squee, she darts into the house. Wow, you are NOT used to seeing her move that fast. Leisurely following her, you both make your way to the kitchen. After seeing the cake beneath a glass cover, Tia looks at you and... what's the word? Pogs?
"Look at this! It's gorgeous! There is no way you made this!"
"Actually, I did. It took me all day. I've been getting some lessons from Pinkie."
She's practically drooling as she approaches the cake, but just as she is about to remove the cover, she stops herself. Slowly closing her eyes and sighing, she gently lowers the half-lifted cover back onto the platter. Then, in one fell swoop, she practically tackles you, nearly bringing you to the ground. Standing on her hind legs for support, she rests her head on your shoulder while her forelegs and wings wrap around you in a tight hug.
"Thank you, my sunshine. I can't tell you how many birthdays I've had to go through where ponies were trying to impress me because they wanted the favor of a princess. But you... you already know I adore you. You didn't need to do this!"
"Hah, come on, Tia, don't give me that. You know that I adore you, too. Is it so wrong to want to give the love of my life a nice birthday?"
"Well, I suppose I DID try to give you one as well."
"See?" You figure now isn't a great time to press her on that.
"Hmhm, either way... I love you, my little human. Now and forever."
"Love you too, Tia. Now and forever." You simply sit there enjoying the embrace for at least a few more minutes before you break the silence again. "...Speaking of forever, how many candles should I have put on the cake?"
You feel a playful smack on the back of your head before Tia finally pulls away with a warm, amused smile adorning her face.
"Really, you're asking that again?"
"I'm curious, darn it! Shouldn't I, of all creatures, know?"
"Hmmmmm... well, I suppose it couldn't hurt to tell you."
Yeah that's what you thought.
...Wait, did she just agree?
She leans in towards you, her cheek brushing against yours as she moves to whisper in your ear. After a moment she pulls away again.
"Wait, so you were born in... but that would make you..." You use your fingers to help you with some math. Let's see, carry the seven... "Wow, I don't think there are that many candles in all of Ponyville."
"Hm? I was expecting you to sound a little more surprised."
"I don't know, I guess the mystery was replaying in my mind for so long that I'm just sort of relieved to have an answer at all. You could have said anything and I probably would have still been underwhelmed at this point."
"Well, maybe that's for the best. Come on, won't you share some cake with this old mare?"
"Hey now, you know I was just teasing you!"
She laughs as you both scurry back towards the cake. After carefully cutting out a couple of slices (her slice multiple times larger than your own) the two of you settle at the table and happily enjoy some nice, loving conversation.
Sure enough, that chocolate is rich enough to make you want to vomit. That said, you don't want to ruin the moment, and through sheer force of will you manage to get it down. Tia, on the other hand, scarfs her large slice down with pretty much no issue. That cake isn't going to last very long, is it?
Eventually, the day's fatigue sets in for both of you as you try to focus through half-closed eyes. With an equally half-asleep smile, Tia surprises you and levitates the dishes all the way into the kitchen sink, only to turn her attention back to you and smile even wider. Her look goes from tired and happy to... conniving... and happy. You lose the feeling of the chair beneath you as you notice your entire body enveloped in the familiar glow of Tia's magic. She appears to be levitating you into the air.
Oh, okay. Now she's lifting you all the way upstairs towards the bedroom, her mischievous grin never leaving her face.
"Uhh, Tia? Darling? What are you doing?"
"You're about to pay me back for your birthday, sunshine."
"What happened on my birthday?!"
She simply closes her eyes, causing her smile to look downright scary as she closes the bedroom door.
"That, my dear, is a story for another time."
...
The last thing you remember about Celestia's birthday is the distinct smell of a lovingly crafted birthday cake.