After taunting a fellow employee at the SCP Foundation, Senior Researcher Grey is about to be drawn into a world of magic energies, talking ponies, and more threats than he could imagine. Ugh, Mondays.
Clearance Level: 4. Penalty for Unauthorised Viewership: Forced Amnestic Treatment. Disciplinary Hearing 4851062-B Location: Site-81. Date: ██-██-████ Defendant: Senior Researcher [REDACTED] Grey. Plaintiff: Chief Security Officer [REDACTED] Davidson. Heard By: [REDACTED] Prosecution: Commander Mark Johnson. Defence: N/A. Offense Charged: Disorderly, and borderline aggressive conduct towards a superior. Final Verdict: Guilty As Charged. Appeal: Ethics Committee. Denied. Sentence: Reassignment to Anomalous Monitoring Station #42.
Senior Researcher Grey wasn't really paying attention. This job was a joke. There was never an anomalous incident here. Did these monitoring stations even work? He doubted it. He knew why he was really here. Punishment. He disrespected another employee, and this was his punishment.
"I can take a quick nap. Nothing happens here anyway."
He placed his feet on the desk and closed his eyes.
An alarm blared out through the control centre. Grey fell back onto his head, and scrambled to his feet. How long was he asleep for? He checked his watch. Exactly two and a half hours. What was the alarm? A fire? A lockdown drill? Surely it couldn't be... it was. His station was blaring red.
"Oh crap."
He shuffled through his filing cabinet, trying to find protocol for an anomalous detection. Case files, not what he needed. He searched the next drawer down. Hostile attack guidelines. A protocol, but not the right one. He searched the last drawer. Ah! Here. He took a seat, silenced the alarm, and opened the folder.
If you are reading this file, you have detected an anomalous signal. Whatever is producing it must be secured. Follow these instructions, document findings, then report to Site-50 for debrief. Unless given permission, you are not to study the anomaly further.
1: Determine the location of the anomaly. Connect to observational satellites and use three to triangulate the anomalous signal.
2: Observe the anomaly if possible. If the anomaly seems to be autonomous, observe it's behavior to gain intel.
3: Alert containment forces. Insert all available data into deployment tool, and contact the appropriate task force.
4: Monitor the containment mission from your station. You have clearance to direct the task force, but instructions from the field commander override your orders.
5: Develop report. Your preliminary report should contain a description of the anomaly's appearance, it's abilities, and a transcript of the task force's mission.
After these instructions are completed, secure a hardcopy of the report and take the express line to Site-50. Request a meeting with the classification officer, and answer all their questions to the best of your ability.
Grey put the file down, and loaded the satellite uplink. He executed the triangulation program, and within a minute, he had a lead. Canterlot High School, on the outskirts of Canterlot City. He scanned for anomalous energies, and got two readouts. One fixed on the horse statue outside the front of the school, one moving around inside it. He picked up the phone and connected to Site-19. "Senior Researcher Grey requesting Mobile Task Force Epsilon-11 to Canterlot High School."
"Authorization code?"
"Delta. Omni. Niner."
"Affirmative. Next available squad will be deployed."
Grey connected to the team's commlink, and put on his headphones. Well, he wanted something to happen.
The task force were plainclothes, their guns concealed in their jackets. The van pulled up at the front of the school, and the team jumped out.
"Team 1 moving to the statue."
"Team 2 moving to secure site."
"Team 3 moving inside."
Grey switched from the satellite feed to an agent's helmet camera. The agent tried his best to blend in.
"So, what am I looking for?"
Grey realized that the agent was speaking to him.
"It should be to your right."
"I see the cafeteria. Going in."
Immediately, they knew something was off. Everyone's skin tone was completely unnatural, from a brilliant pink to a cool blue.
"You sure I'm only looking for one?"
"Affirmative. Check three paces to your right."
The agent complied. There was a girl. Orange skin, orange hair with red stripes. She was sitting by herself. The agent walked over.
"I'm going to talk to her."
"Roger."
"Hey."
The girl looked up at him.
"What do you want?"
"Being able to sit here would be good."
The girl slid over.
"What's your name?"
"Sunset. Sunset Shimmer. How about you?"
The agent knew his pseudonym.
"Alex. I haven't seen you before. Are you not from here?"
"Further than you'd think."
Sunset looked at her reflection in the window. The agent drew a specimen collector and quickly extracted a blood sample from her.
"OW!"
"What?"
"Something dug into my side."
The sample data came through to Grey. It seemed normal, until he saw several cells in the girl's bloodstream. They did not match any known records. That was all he needed to confirm that he had his eyes on an anomaly. He gave the agent the order to return to base. The agent looked at the girl.
"I need to go."
"Where?"
"Not important."
The agent stood up, and made his way to the exit. Out in the front of the school, team one agents had gathered around the horse statue. They had several devices measuring readings from the statue, and were talking in groups of two or three.
"What have you found?"
His comment seemed to startle the head field analyst. They turned around in a panic, but was quickly eased when they saw his faceplate.
"This statue contains high levels of dimensional instability. We think it's a portal, but it seems to have been sealed. We can only get data from this side. There has to be some way to open it."
Grey spoke up.
"We'll find it later. You need to get back to base, and I need to deliver my report."
The group all replied in affirmation. The analysts took the longest to pack up, carrying bulky equipment and endless sheets of paper. After what felt like three whole hours, they jumped inside the van, closed the back door, and drove off. Grey took off his headphones, and began to type the file.
Anomalous Object: AO-1378-WGKRVGO. Item Description: A young woman of adolescent age bearing orange skin tone and several unidentified specimens in bloodstream. Purpose of specimens: Unknown. Date Of Discovery: ██-██-████. Location Of Discovery: Canterlot High School, Canterlot City, █████████. Current Status: Under Observation.
Anomalous Object: AO-1379-YKLJAKU. Item Description: A statue of an equine in the front garden of Canterlot High School with extreme levels of dimensional instability. Likely a portal to an alternate reality. Date Of Discovery: ██-██-████. Location Of Discovery: Canterlot High School, Canterlot City, █████████. Current Status: Under Observation.
Grey finished his draft. He took a moment to relax, sending the print request. He grabbed his briefcase before heading off to the print room. The document was waiting for him. He picked it up, placed it into his briefcase, and walked to the transit hub. The express trams wasted no time. He was at Site-50 in just under 2 hours, an impressive speed. Grey’s next stop was the classification officer’s office. He took a glance at the map, and made his way across the sector, making sure to avoid Davidson, who was the reason he was at that monitoring post in the first place. Finally, he found the office, and entered the waiting room. The receptionist looked up from her computer, but didn't stop typing.
“Name for the record?”
“Senior Researcher Jacob Grey.”
“The classification officer will be with you shortly. Take a seat.”
Grey did. He wanted to get a quick nap, but it was only a thirty-minute wait before the receptionist spoke to him.
"A shame that the portal was closed when you arrived. May I see the readouts?" Grey handed his files to Officer Perkins. He scrutinized them. Then gave an audible "Ah..."
"What is it sir?"
"Based on the readouts collected from the portal, a considerable electrical charge should force it open for at least a minute. The Micro HID should be sufficient. We need to establish a site in this dimension. You will be the director."
Grey actually thought Perkins was making a joke. He had a disciplinary review just 2 days ago. Grey barely held in his laugh. But then he noticed, Perkins had a completely straight face. This was for real. "M-me sir?"
Perkins passed him a manila folder. "You have shown that you are capable. You will be given an extensive staff, and several prefabricated structures until the main compound is set up. I have full confidence in you doctor. Can you do this?"
"I... I will try sir."
Perkins smiled. "I know you will. You are dismissed." Grey couldn't believe it. A site director. He wasn't ready for this, but he couldn't let Perkins down. He had to accomplish his mission. His first priority should be reviewing his files. THUD. Ouch. Scratch that. He scrambled for his files. He needed to get to his office, before he ran into another wall.
He opened the file, and read over it. Woah. Perkins was pouring a lot of funding into this project. It had some of the foundation's top scientists. Gears, Bright, Kondraki, Clef, and Light. 150+ Class-D, including the infamous D-9341. All employees needed for a site to work at top efficiency. He was assigned a legion's worth of guards, and authority over MTF Lambda-5 until a better task force could be determined. The file was Level 5 access only. Wait, what the hell? He had Level 5 access now? No. This was too much for a new discovery, even if it was a parallel universe. Someone higher up knew about this before. They had to have. Whatever. It didn't matter if someone already knew about this. He had a job, and he intended to do it. Secure. Contain. Protect.
It was a moonless night outside CHS. Grey's team knew their orders. Search for anything related to the anomaly, then reactivate it and pass through. An agent forced the front door open with a crowbar. The team scrambled to the office, and found the keypad. The alarm was disabled with exactly 38 seconds to spare. "We're in sir."
"Good. You have your jobs. Do them well." Most leads were dead ends. Nothing about the portal in the principal's files, or the school paper. The locker of the girl, Sunset Shimmer, was a different story.
"Sir. There's a book here, but its contents are... strange. It seems to be a two way conversation. Between her, and someone else. They aren't named."
"Give an example."
The agent read from a page. "Sunset Shimmer? I don't know if you still read this book. I imagine you don't, but on the off-chance you do... I'm sorry. Please. Come back. I miss you. We all miss you. Please Sunset. Please. That's where it ends sir. You think she might know something about the portal?"
"No idea. Document the pages, then join us out here."
"Roger that sir." Several more vans drove onto the street. The rest of his crew. Men in white coats, orange jumpsuits, blue uniforms, and black armor.
"You all know why we're here. A dimensional anomaly has been discovered in this statue. We are attempting to reactivate it with an electrical charge to establish a command site. We will inhabit prefabricated structures until the full facility is operational. If you want to back out, now is the time." No one wavered. (At least, no one who mattered.) "Okay then. Agent. Power up the Micro."
"Yes sir." A low hum came from the device, growing in intensity and pitch. Bolts of electricity jumped between the top and bottom of the gun's barrel. That thing produced 200000 volts of electric death. Everyone stepped back. The sound reached the point that it sounded like a screeching banshee. "Ready for discharge!"
"Fire!" 12 snakes of lightning ripped out of the device and struck the portal. The front lawn of CHS began to glow as if an angel descended from the heavens.
"Low on juice sir. 50%."
"Keep firing!"
Bright's scanners began to light up. "Membrane instability rising." A crackling sound emitted from the portal. The membrane was collapsing. If they could just keep it up, the portal would open.
The agent turned a dial, and the bolts grew brighter. "I've increased the voltage, but I don't have the power to keep it up for long."
Bright's scanners went as nuts as an American on July 4th. "Membrane instability critical! Breach progression 95%! Portal formation imminent!"
"That's it. I'm out of energy." The Micro flickered and died, and its blue glow was replaced with a vibrant purple. The portal was all set. Doctor Clef stepped up to the portal and held an atmospheric tester through. It came back. The bottom of the screen read, in green text: Habitable. No turning back. The sirens of police cars rung in the background, coming to investigate the disturbance. It was now or never. First foot forward.
2 days had passed. The prefabs were up. No-one had seen other life yet. As far as Grey could tell, this dimension was deserted. They were on their own. He sent reports back to Perkins by using a modified reality anchor. Good construction progress was being made on the site. The containment wing was their top priority, and got online 6 hours after arrival. The facility was powered by solar panels until a better source could be found. No-one knew if the local plants were safe to eat, so they stuck to their packed food for now, and used the plants for experiments. More of that strange kind of cell that he saw in Sunset's blood. Class-D testing began. Despite nearly all complaining of bad taste, all the plants seemed somewhat normal. With the exception of Biohazard-01. Grey had a report to type.
Item #: Pending.
Temporary Designation: SCP-JOKE.
Object Class: Safe.
Special Containment Procedures: No physical contact is allowed with SCP-JOKE at any time. Any SCP-JOKE found in the wild must be brought to the attention of biohazard containment teams. Personnel wishing to interact with SCP-JOKE must wear full-body hazmat suits to prevent exposure and contamination. Any personnel infected with SCP-JOKE are to be stripped of their rank and security clearance, studied, and euthanized if deemed necessary by on-site medical staff. (Overridden by Director Grey: I will not kill my own staff. There is a cure out there somewhere, and we will find it.) SCP-JOKE specimens must be contained in a 15X15X15 meter room in planters with soil from the forest that they are native to. Solar lamps must be on at all times, and a ventilation system should be set to cycle every 24 hours. The containment unit must have sprinklers set to deploy once every 6 hours. In the event of breakdown, personnel in full-body hazmat suits must water SCP-JOKE specimens by hand every 12 hours. In the event of specimens withering, they must be watered immediately.
Description: SCP-JOKE seems to be a wildflower, which displays anomalous properties if a subject is exposed for more than 30 seconds. At this point, through an unknown means, the flower seeps into the subject's body and begins to alter their DNA structure, rapidly increasing the body's melatonin production. All exposed subjects who have remained awake due to external stimuli have passed into a coma by the 3rd hour, and all attempts to wake them have ended in total failure. After a subject falls into NREM or REM sleep, SCP-JOKE begins to rapidly change DNA structure, resulting in extreme mutations. Subjects commonly wake up after the 6th hour, but records of sleeping until for up to 12 hours do exist. After conversion is completed, the subject is awakened, The mutations are not always physical, but are always detrimental to the subject, causing difficulty in performing duties, and seem to be of comedic nature. There is no cure once infected. Re-exposure terminates the previous mutation, but after 2nd exposure, every subsequent exposure heightens the risk of [DATA EXPUNGED].
Addendum JOKE-1: SCP-500 has been found to cure the effects of SCP-JOKE even in final stages of infection.
Grey dispatched his report through the anchor, and then he was contacted by a guardsmen. "Director Grey, go ahead."
"Sir, I found something. It seems to be a village. Medieval era, I think. No visible inhabitants."
"Maintain your position. I am on my way." He hung up the phone, and yelled for his deputy director. "Bright!"
"Yeah?"
"I'm going out. Don't blow anything up while I'm gone."
"No promises sir." Grey rolled his eyes, grabbed his coat, and darted to join the guardsman. He arrived within a few minutes.
"Seen anyone yet?"
"No sir. Perhaps we should" He cut himself off. "Wait. Movement. 2 o'clock." Grey looked in that direction, and sure enough, there was something there. A pony. Smaller than ones on earth, no doubt, but certainly a mare. Her coat was pink. Her mane was puffy, colored in a slightly darker shade, and... were those balloons on her flank? They were. Two blue, one yellow. The pony was jumping along, seemingly cheerful, even oblivious to the world around her.
As Grey and the guardsman followed her, it became clear that she wasn't alone. Everyone, or rather everypony, had strange colors in their mane and coat, and a unique mark on their flank. In fact, it became even stranger. "We should keep following the pink one."
"Wait... sir. Look."
"What is..." Grey dropped his jaw. There was a unicorn. A real-life unicorn. He wished his daughter was here to see this. Then, up in the sky, a cloud burst. There was a pegasus. No, several. He saw 10 pegasuses. Wait, what was the plural of pegasus? Pegasi? Yeah, that sounded right. He saw 10 pegasi. Each one was busting or moving clouds. "Well, this can't get much stranger." They heard a gasp, and the pink pony moved in a blur past the two humans. She either didn't see them, or didn't care. A voice, not the guardsman's, came from the direction she ran.
"Well that was interesting all right." THESE THINGS SPOKE!? ENGLISH!? Sure enough, there was a purple unicorn, with dark blue and pink in her mane. There was a six-pointed star on her flank, with 5 white stars around it. Standing next to her was... something. It looked somewhat like a dragon, with scales, claws, spines, and a tail, but no wings, and no fire breath from his first observation. It wasn't big, or even that scary. But then again, SCP-999 seemed sweet and innocent, but recent studies connected him to The Scarlet King. Looks could be deceiving.
"New target, the purple one."
"Yes sir." Grey and the guardsman, moving in the shadows, followed the purple pony and her dragon onto a dirt path leading out of town.
The purple unicorn was in her room, clearly displeased at the noise in her new home. The dragon came in. "Hey Twilight! Pinkie Pie's starting pin the tail on the pony! Wanna play?"
The unicorn retorted, displeased. "NO! All the ponies in this town are crazy! Do you know what time it is!?"
The dragon didn't pick up on her irritation. "It's the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration. Everypony has to stay up, or they'll miss the princess raise the sun! You really should lighten up Twilight. It's a party!"
The purple pony mocked him. Grey spoke to the guardsman. "We're not going to learn anything watching her sulk in her room. I'm going in."
"Are you sure sir?"
"Yes." Grey kicked into the window, breaking it.
The pony screamed "WHAT NOW!?" and then saw him. "Who are you!? What are you!?"
The pony charged a blast of energy on her horn. It seemed to be thaumaturgic. Grey needed to de-escalate the situation. "Calm down. I won't hurt you."
The energy stopped charging, but remained. "Okay, so you won't hurt me. But who are you?"
"I'm Doctor Grey. I'm a human."
"Humans? Lyra always rambled about them in Canterlot. Are you saying they're real?"
"If they weren't, I wouldn't be here in front of you."
The charge on her horn flickered and died. She seemed to be docile now. "Where's your cutie mark?"
"My what?"
"The symbol on your flank that shows your special talent?"
"Um, we have birth marks, but they don't mean anything."
"Where did you come from?"
"I thought I was asking the questions here." The pony seemed embarrassed.
"Oh, right. Sorry."
"I heard you speaking about a legend. Something about a 'Mare in the Moon.' Can you elaborate on that?"
The pony waited about four seconds, and then explained. "In ancient Equestria, the princess of the moon became jealous of ponies adoring the day and sleeping through the night, so she turned into a monster, Nightmare Moon. Her sister used the Elements of Harmony to banish her on the moon."
"Okay, so what's the big deal?"
"It was prophesized that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about everlasting night."
Grey was immediately terrified at that prospect, but his fear was quickly overwhelmed with confusion as to how such a thing could happen. "What the hell? Could she do that? Doesn't the planet rotate?"
"What? No. The princess moves the sun and moon to create day and night." A planet that didn't rotate? But... why? Or better yet, how? How did any of this work?
"And this Nightmare Moon wants to disrupt the cycle?"
"Yes. She will escape on the longest day of the thousandth year."
"Is that today?" The pony paused for a moment.
"Yes." Grey understood the severity of this situation. A permanent night would doom every living thing on the planet. The plants would die, collapsing the food chain. Anything that remained alive would freeze to death. Was this thing thinking straight? Maybe not. Emotions could make people act irrationally.
Have you informed the other princess?"
"Princess Celestia? She said it was an old pony's tale, and told me to come here and make friends. I don't know if I can stop Nightmare Moon on my own. I don't even know much about her."
"My organization is an expert in dealing with the anomalous. I could help gather intel if I didn't look like this."
"I may have a solution to that. This may feel funny at first."
"What are you-" Suddenly, Grey found himself being lifted into the air and surrounded by an unknown energy. His instincts told him he was in trouble, but he felt protected inside the field. It was warm, and safe. Then a blinding light forced him to close his eyes. When he opened them again, he was eye-level with the unicorn. He looked back, and saw his new appearance. He was an earth pony, with a blue mane and white coat. He bore the foundation's logo on his flank.
"You turned me into one of you?"
"For 24 hours, yes. A permanent spell is too tough to cast."
"This will be fine. It will just be hard to adapt to walking on all fours."
The dragon came in. "C'mon, Twilight, it's time to watch the sun rise!" He saw the agent. "Who's this?"
"I'm an old friend of Twilight. We lost touch a while back. Who are you?"
"I'm Spike."
"Doctor Grey. Well, shall we watch the sunrise?"
Twilight led him to town hall. The night sky was clear, and the weather was calm. The guardsman had returned to the base, Grey was on his own. The pink pony he first saw rambled in his face. He caught absolutely none of what she said, and frankly didn't care. In the background, a grey-maned figure spoke. Grey presumed her to be the mayor, but he was too busy looking for security risks to hear her. There seemed to be no threat. Nopony was armed, no suspicious activity, no duffel bags, and there were several white pegasi in armor. He guessed that they were the royal guard. It seemed that the princess was safe. But then. "Twilight, wasn't there an imprint of her on the moon earlier?"
Twilight glanced up at the sky. She was clearly panicking. Then, the mayor exclaimed "Princess Celestia!"
The birds the yellow pegasus was training chirped in a beautiful choir. The white unicorn pulled back the curtains, but the princess was nowhere to be seen. Everypony was clearly concerned for their ruler, except that pink pony, still oblivious to the world around her. "Ooh! Ooh! I love guessing games! Is she hiding?" Grey tried to facepalm, but forgot that he had a hoof.
The white unicorn confirmed their suspicions. "She's gone!" Grey tried to ready his pistol, but only then realized how much easier fingers made life. Then, a cloud of purple smoke grew in mass where Celestia was supposed to be. It changed shape and solidified into an alicorn. She was clad in armor, with slit eyes and jagged teeth. Her mane moved in the same style as the cloud from which she came. Spike fell off Twilight's back, unconscious. The rainbow pegasus, seeming to have more bravery than Grey in that moment, demanded to know where the princess was.
The farm pony held her tail back with her teeth. The monster laughed. "Why? Am I not royal enough for you? Don't you know who I am?"
Once again, that freaking pink pony couldn't keep her mouth shut. "Ooh, ooh! More guessing games! Um, Hokey Smokes! How about... Queen Meanie! No! Black Snooty, Black Snooty-" This was the moment that Grey lost all patience with her.
"SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE PISSING HER OFF!?" The creature seemed to take no notice of this, simply continuing her monologue.
"Does my crown no longer count now that I have been imprisoned for a thousand years? Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?"
Twilight spoke up. "I did. And I know who you are. You're the Mare in the Moon. Nightmare Moon!" Everypony immediately entered a state of panic. Nightmare Moon seemed pleased that Twilight was aware of the emergency.
"Well well well. Somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I'm here."
"You're here to... to..." Twilight couldn't get the words out.
Nightmare Moon addressed the crowd. "Remember this day little ponies, for it was your last. From this moment forth, the night will last forever!" Nightmare Moon gave a sinister laugh, and lightning strikes came from no discernible origin.
The mayor ordered the guards. "Seize her! Only she knows where the princess is!" The guards took flight and charged at Nightmare. She did not seem intimidated in the slightest.
"Stand back you foals!" The lightning came down on the guards, before Nightmare transformed into that cloud of mist again, and fled. The farm pony lost her grip on the tail of the rainbow pegasus and she tried to pursue the cloud.
Grey spoke to Twilight. "We need to get back to the library!" He tried to grab his radio, but couldn't get a grip without fingers. "Oh for Celestia's sake. Twilight, grab my radio and hold down the button on the side." She did. "All personnel, I am issuing a Code Red directive, effective immediately!" Grey's team responded accordingly.
Spike tried to stay awake, but failed. "We've gotta stop Nightmare!" Twilight tucked him in.
"You've been up all night Spike. You are a baby dragon after all." Twilight rushed downstairs. Grey was tearing books off the shelves. "Anything?"
"No."
"How can we stop Nightmare Moon without the Elements of Harmony?"
The rainbow pegasus was suddenly in front of her face. "And just what are the Elements of Harmony? And how did you know about Nightmare Moon, huh? Are you a spy?" The farm pony tugged on her tail again. Grey began to wonder if it was a habit.
"Simmer down, Sally. She ain't no spy. But she sure knows what's going on, don't ya Twilight?"
Grey spoke for her. "We're not sure how much of the picture we have, but earlier tonight, we were alerted to Nightmare Moon's imminent return. Well, I was. Twilight worked it out while she was still in Canterlot. The princess dismissed it as an old pony's tale, told her to prepare the celebration, make some friends, and now, we're here."
"So how do ya plan to stop her?"
"The book which brought her to our attention mentioned several objects called the Elements of Harmony. According to the book, they're the most powerful magic known to ponydom. They were used to contain her a millennium ago. If they held her for that long, they're out best chance. We need to locate them and use them to neutralize her. Just one problem. We have exactly zero leads. We're looking for some books on the matter, but-"
The pink pony rudely interrupted. "The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide."
Twilight seemed shocked. "How did you find that!?"
The pink one spoke in a sing-song, almost cheeky voice. "It was under E!"
"Oh."
Twilight passed the book to Grey, who began to read over it. "There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known. Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty, and Loyalty. The 6th is a complete mystery. It is said that the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It is located in what is now The Everfree Forest." Everyone seemed scared by that name. "What?" The farm pony gave clarification.
"It ain't natural. Folks say it don't work the same as Equestria."
"And what does that mean?"
The rainbow pegasus spoke. "Nopony knows. You know why?" The farm pony told her to quit it. She took no notice. "Cause everypony who's ever come in has never come out!"
"Is that supposed to scare me? Because you're doing a terrible job of it. Twilight, where's this forest?" She inspected the map.
"Just south of this town."
"That's where my team set up base. I can guide you all to the site."
"Well, let's go."
They had been walking for just under 5 minutes, during which Grey learned the names of the ponies, and the base came into vision.
"They won't take kindly to my new appearance. Can you dispel the transformation Twilight?"
"Of course."
Those waves of energy surrounded Grey again, and he was filled with that feeling of safety. Then came the light, and before he knew it, he was back on two legs. "Finally. That feels so much more natural." The ponies followed Grey through the front gate. There were several buildings. Multiple vehicles and other humans ran around. Fluttershy was clearly nervous. "It's okay Fluttershy. Everyone is highly trained."
Doctor Bright exited the command building. "Sir, are you aware that there are anomalies behind you?"
"Yes Bright. I am. We need their assistance to contain a far more dangerous anomaly. I want you to get them geared up."
"Sir, all our gear is modelled for bipeds. We have nothing outfitted for quadrupeds."
"Well make something then. They can't go in empty-hooved."
"Yes sir. Please follow me everyone."
"Everypony."
"What?"
"Use the term everypony."
"Oh, okay. Please follow me everypony."
Grey immediately went to his office, and knew that standard protocol was to put up an emergency notice on the network. He needed to alert Foundation command. There was no discernible way back to their reality from this one, but it was protocol to alert the O4 Command of any containment breach. There wasn't much time. Plants may already be withering. Thankfully the solar lamps kept SCP-JOKE specimens in perfect condition. Grey began to type.
Emergency Notice.
LRC (Lockdown Response Code) 16/A/Superblue-Red.
Site: Dimensional Area 16
Priority: Alpha. (Immediate Response.)
Code: Superblue-Red. (A sentient LSA (Large Scale Aggressor) at or above human intelligence and capable of movement has breached containment.)
Detailed Description: A hostile alicorn creature known as Nightmare Moon has breached containment after ~1000 years. Princess Celestia, a high ranking alicorn, is M.I.A. 6 ponies have been conscripted to assist in containment of the anomaly. Objective is to retrieve a set of anomalous objects collectively known as the Elements of Harmony to restore containment.
It was roughly 15 minutes since the group had left the boundaries of the site. They were deep in unexplored territory. Grey never liked going in blind, but with an anomaly hunting them, it was a whole new level of discomfort. "So, we have no intel on this place?"
Applejack replied. "Yeah, everypony says it doesn't work the same as the rest of Equestria. Granny Smith said she went into the forest once, when she first found Zap Apples. Ever since, ah haven't seen a single pony go in or come out."
"It works different? How so?"
Rainbow Dash emerged from the shadow cast by a particularly large tree. "Nopony knows. You know why?"
"Stop. Just stop it. You're not going to scare me. Save your dignity." Rainbow was clearly disappointed by that response.
A minor tremor shook beneath their feet, and then the cliff gave way. Everyone except the pegasi suddenly found themselves sliding towards a chasm. They all scrambled to find some kind of handhold. While most staff were able to grab a twig or a rock, several were not so fortunate, and were thrown over the edge. Their screams stopped abruptly. Then he noticed that Twilight was losing her grip, only being held up by Applejack.
Twilight began to slip, just centimeters away from certain death. She looked Applejack in the eyes, desperate for help. "Applejack, what do I do?" A distressed Applejack looked up to the sky, desperate for a solution. Then, out of nowhere, she looked back down, and told Twilight to
"Let go."
"Are you crazy!?"
"No, I ain't. I promise you'll be safe."
"That's not true!"
"Now listen here. What I'm sayin' to you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be safe."
Twilight had no choice but to trust her. She released her grip, and entered freefall. There was a scream of panic, but only for a moment. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy caught her. Gravity took them down for two seconds before they recovered. Fluttershy looked embarrassed. "Sorry girls. I'm not used to holding anything more than a bunny or two."
All the ponies, and the vast majority of staff touched down safely at the bottom of the chasm. The walls were too shear to climb, even with gear they didn't have. They had to adapt. After a quick break to identify the deceased agents and give respect, the group was back on the move for about 5 minutes. Rainbow Dash was riding her adrenaline surge all the way there. Twilight was clearly sick of it. "Yes Rainbow, I was there, and I'm very grateful, but we gotta-" A creature appeared in their path. One with the body of a lion and the tail of a scorpion. There were two dragon-like wings emerging from it's body, and it did not look friendly.
"Manticore! Weapons free!" The guards drew their guns and shot the manticore. There was no effect, even from an armor-piercing sniper round. The ponies attempted an attack, with even less effect. "We don't have time for this if we're going to find the elements. Ready incendiary rounds!" The team took positions, fingers firmly on triggers.
"WAIT!!!" The team held their fire. Fluttershy was approaching the manticore. She began to nuzzle it's paw, and it hesitated. After reassurance, it opened it's clenched paw. There was a thorn in it. "Oh you poor little baby."
"Little?"
"Now this might hurt for just a second." Fluttershy gripped the thorn with her teeth, and quickly removed it from the manticore's paw. The manticore grabbed her and roared aggressively, before purring and licking her mane in thanks. "Aw you're just a little ol' baby kitty aren't you? Yes you are, yes you are." The manticore moved aside, and let the agents continue on their way.
Grey was amazed by what he saw. "Agent, collect the thorn for processing. Speaking of which, Fluttershy, how did you know about it?"
"I didn't. Sometimes we all just need to be shown a little kindness."
"Sir, the thorn. It's not there anymore."
"What?"
"I made an ID, but once I turned my back, it just vanished."
"Strange."
The team walked for a while longer without interruption, and then Rarity complained. "Ugh, my eyes need a rest from all this icky muck." The team entered a thick canopy. Visibility dropped to near-zero. "I didn't mean that literally."
There was a lot of commotion due to team members stepping on each other. In hindsight, they should have brought night vision goggles. Applejack's voice came from the darkness. "Oh wait, I think I stepped in somethin'."
Fluttershy screamed in terror.
"It's just mud." Then Applejack saw what she was screaming about. There was a horrific creature on the tree. "AGH!"
Everyone was in a panic. Agents pulled their triggers, firing at nothing. Communication lines broke down as everyone screamed into their mic. Grey tried his best to keep everyone calm, but it was useless. Then Pinkie Pie just started making funny faces at the ghosts. "Pinkie! Run!"
"Oh everyone, don't you see? When I was a little filly and the sun was going down..."
"Oh god. Please tell me she's not-"
"The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frown..."
Rarity sighed and responded with, "She is."
"I'd hide under my pillow, from what I thought I saw. But Granny Pie said that wasn't the way to deal with fears at all!"
"Then what is?"
"She said 'Pinkie, you gotta stand up tall, learn to face your fears. You'll see that they can't hurt you, just laugh to make them disappear!' Ha! Ha! Ha!"
The ghost vanished. Everyone was shocked, and then joined in.
"So, giggle at the ghostly! Guffaw at the grossly! Crack up at the creepy! Whoop it up with the weepy! Chortle at the kooky! Snortle at the spooky! And tell that big dumb scary face to take a hike and leave you alone and if he thinks he can scare you then he's got another thing coming and the very idea of such a thing just makes you wanna... hahahaha... heh... LAUGH!" Everyone collapsed on the ground, crying their eyes out.
The team moved on their way, highly optimistic, until they came to a turbulent river. The current was far too strong to safely cross. "Sir. I heard something. It sounded like a cry. It came downstream." The group followed the direction the agent pointed, and found a sea serpent. It was clearly devastated about an event.
"Hello? Can you tell me your name?"
"S- Stephen Magnet."
"What's wrong?"
"Well, I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me and tore half of my beloved moustache clean off, and now I look simply horrid!"
"You're kidding right? You're making a massive disaster zone over this?"
Rarity seemed to be appalled by Grey's remark. "Why, of course it is. How can you be so insensitive? Oh, just look at him. Such lovely luminescent scales."
The sea serpent sniffled. "I know."
Rarity continued to compliment him. "And your expertly coiffed mane."
The sea serpent seemed flattered. "Oh, I know, I know.
Rarity kept it up. "Your fabulous manicure, all ruined without your beautiful moustache."
The sea serpent began to wail again. "It's true, I'm hideous!"
Rarity's mood changed significantly. "I simply cannot let such a crime against fabulosity go uncorrected." Rarity ripped a scale from the serpent, and cut her tail off. She grabbed her tail with her magic, and used it as an improvised replacement for the moustache. The sea serpent was overjoyed, and the turbulence of the water ceased.
A 10 minute walk brought the team into visual contact with The Castle Of The Two Sisters. Twilight ran ahead, and nearly fell off the collapsed bridge. Grey was frustrated. The gap was far too big to jump. "How do we get over there?"
"Duh." Rainbow Dash took to the skies. Grey wanted to punch himself in the face for forgetting that.
After several seconds, Grey became impatient and radioed Rainbow Dash. Audio came through.
"Yes, it's all true."
An unidentified female spoke. "We need... you.
"WOOHOO! Sign me up. Just let me tie this bridge real quick and then we have a deal."
The female voice interjected. "No! It's them or us."
Grey couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and drew his spotter scope. There were 3 other thermal signatures. "Twilight, take a look at this."
"Oh no. Rainbow! Don't listen to them." After one of the thermal signatures glared in their direction, fog began to rapidly encompass the bridge, muffling sound from both sides. After approximately 20 seconds, Rainbow Dash emerged with the bridge secured. The other thermal signatures were nowhere to be seen.
Team one was standing guard on the other side of the bridge as the group entered the castle ruins. There was a pedestal in the centre of the room. 5 stones were placed on 5 stands. Grey drew the reference guide from his backpack and passed it to Twilight. "Is this what we came for?"
Twilight flicked through the pages until she came to an illustration of 6 gems. "The Elements of Harmony. We found them."
Grey radioed the site. "Command, PID on the targets. Moving to secure them now, out." Agents moved to grab the objects, carefully placing them on the floor. "Five items confirmed. Now what about the 6th one?"
Twilight paced around the stones. "The book said, when the five are present, a spark will cause the sixth element to be revealed."
Applejack was clearly confused. "What in the hay is that supposed to mean?
"I'm not sure, but I have an idea. Stand back. I don't know what will happen."
Grey looked at the agents. "You heard the mare. Get clear."
The team vacated the area, and watched from the building's exterior. Twilight was charging a spell. Bolts of electricity began to jump between the stones.
Suddenly, team one radioed in. "Sir, do you read!?"
"Go for Grey."
"Perimeter breached! Team one down! Incoming!"
A purple cloud of smoke shot past the group, knocking them to the ground. It formed into a tornado, ripping the elements and Twilight off the ground. Grey pushed himself to his feet, drew his pistol, and charged into the structure. Twilight and the elements were gone.
"No! Damnit! Find her, we cannot let the elements be destroyed!"
"Look!" Rarity was at a window. The group ran over, and bright beams of light shone from another tower. Twilight must be there.
"We need to get to that tower now! Nightmare Moon must be stopped!" Grey switched to the feed from Twilight's helmet camera. Twilight struggled to her hooves, and saw Nightmare Moon ahead of her, with the elements at her feet. Twilight recoiled in fear, but knew what she had to do, and quickly prepared to charge the alicorn.
"You're kidding. You're kidding, right?" She was clearly not. The two galloped at each other on a collision course, but just before impact, Twilight teleported, and materialized in front of the elements.
Twilight rubbed her head. The spell clearly took a toll on her, but she quickly snapped to focus. "Just one spark." Twilight tried to complete the spell. "Come on, come on!" An electric charge propelled Twilight backwards. The current jumped between the stones. Nightmare Moon began to panic, standing in the middle of the five stones. The sparks continued to hop from one stone to another. A chill of uncertainty shot up Grey's spine. Had they done it?
The charge flickered and died. There were only five stones. "No. No, somepony tell me this isn't happening! No no no no no!" Nightmare Moon laughed manically, raised her hooves, and stomped onto the ground. The elements shattered, and their fragments fell to the ground. The *clink* as each one hit the cold stone floor shot a stinging sensation of despair over Grey's body.
"You little foal! Thinking you could defeat me? Now you will never see your princess, or your sun. The night will last forever!" The laughter of a triumphant Nightmare echoed through the tower as the group emerged from the stairwell. It was over. They had failed. And yet, Twilight's eyes lit up with renewed hope. What could she possibly see in these circumstances to give her hope?
"You think you can destroy the Elements of Harmony just like that? Well, you're wrong, because the spirits of the elements of harmony are right here!" Then, something amazing happened. The fragments of the elements began to shudder and float.
"What?"
"Applejack, who reassured me when I was in doubt, represents the spirit of honesty! Fluttershy, who tamed the manticore with her compassion, represents the spirit of kindness! Pinkie Pie, who banished fear by giggling in the face of danger, represents the spirit of laughter! Rarity, who calmed a sorrowful serpent with a meaningful gift, represents the spirit of generosity! And Rainbow Dash, who could not abandon her friends for her own heart's desire, represents the spirit of loyalty! The spirits of these five ponies got us through every challenge you threw at us!"
"You still don't have the sixth element! The spark didn't work!"
"But it did. A different kind of spark." She looked back at the ponies and agents who had supported her throughout everything. "I felt it the very moment I realized how happy I was to hear you, to see you, how much I cared about you. The spark ignited inside me, when I realized that you all... are my friends!" The sixth orb appeared, hovering above Twilight and her friends. A light as bright as the sun forced the team to lower their visors. "You see Nightmare Moon, when those elements are ignited by the... the spark, that resides in the heart of it all, it creates the sixth element. The element of... magic!" What happened next was nothing short of amazing.
The ponies were lifted into the air with the fragments revolving around them. The fragments closed on their necks, forming awe-inspiring necklaces. The element of magic descended upon Twilight and took the form of a majestic crown. A light engulfed them all as a rainbow double helix shot into the sky, and came down on Nightmare Moon. She was engulfed in the tornado it formed, as Twilight opened her eyes. A light with an intensity comparable to nothing in the known universe emitted from them, blinding the team and throwing them off their feet. Grey blacked out.
"Ugh, what just happened?" Grey forced himself to his feet, shaking. The beeps of his radio came through the ringing in his ears. He fumbled for it, and held the button. "Grey here."
"Sir, where are you? We think we got separated from the group."
That voice. It was Peter's. But he was killed by the fall. "The Castle of the Two Sisters. Threat neutralized. Where are you?"
"It looks like the bottom of the chasm we fell into. I can't believe we survived the fall."
"You didn't."
"What?"
"We confirmed you K.I.A. Who else is with you?"
Peter was silent for 4 seconds. "Six others. Smith and Jane are helping the team."
"Any injuries?"
"Just some scrapes. Awaiting orders."
Grey pondered for a moment. "Stand-by." He dropped the radio and moved to check on the ponies. All of them displayed vital functions. He turned around. There was another pony. She was an alicorn. Was this Celestia? No, she was the sun princess. This pony had a moon for a cutie mark. Shards of armor were smoking beside her. He ran over. Her heartbeat and breathing were stable, but she seemed unconscious. If this wasn't Celestia, was it the moon princess? She didn't look like a threat. Her coat was a peaceful shade of blue, as was her mane. Had they freed her? He drew his PDA and began to type.
Item #: Pending.
Temporary Designation: SCP-MOON.
Object Class: Keter/Presumed Neutralized.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-MOON is presumed to be neutralized, but agents must be on high alert due to the catastrophic threat posed. In the event that SCP-MOON is sighted, MTF Mu-13 (Ghostbusters) are to be deployed to contain the entity. If containment is successful, SCP-MOON is to be given a Class-D subject as a host, and contained in an airtight containment chamber, which is only to be ventilated when the subject is asleep, and be able to sustain life for 72 hours without a ventilation cycle. The chamber is to be built to SCP-106 specifications. For clarity, the chamber is to be composed of lead-lined steel, contained in 40 layers of identical material, each separated by no less than 36cm of empty space and suspended no less than 60cm from any surface by ELO-IID electromagnets. The containment area is to remain under 24/7 surveillance. The secondary containment area is not deemed necessary. At this time, it is unknown if these containment procedures are effective, as SCP-MOON is presumed neutralized. Any personnel wishing to make a suggestion to improve containment should refer to Document-MOON-C. In the event that SCP-MOON breaches containment and takes a host, Princess Celestia is to be secured immediately, and the SCP-HARM bearers must be immediately mobilized to neutralize SCP-MOON-A. In the event that SCP-HARM proves ineffective, or cannot be utilized, all civilians are to be brought to foundation sites outfitted with greenhouses and solar lamps for their protection. Upon SCP-MOON-A being terminated, civilians are to be administered Class-C amnestics to erase memories of any sensitive information, and released to resume their normal lives.
Description: SCP-MOON is believed to be a parasitic entity or group of parasitic entities. Upon securing a host, they are transformed into a hostile creature hereafter referred to as SCP-MOON-A. SCP-MOON-A's common characteristics are believed to be an alicorn with black coat, blue mane moving in a wave-like pattern, jagged teeth, slit eyes, armor on the body. SCP-MOON-A has the ability to alter their form into a cloud of mist and other physical objects, including several ponies capable of independent movement. SCP-MOON-A's motivation appears to be to cause a perpetual state of night across the globe. First appearance was approximately 1000 years ago, during which the subject was isolated on the planet's moon until the summer solstice 1000 years later.
The report was finished. The report on the elements could wait. The ponies were recovering. Applejack rubbed her eyes. "Grey, how long have ya been up?"
"About ten minutes or so. I checked your vitals, didn't want to rush you to recover."
"Oh thank goodness!" Rarity was absolutely elated to be reunited with her tail.
Fluttershy looked at her. "Why Rarity, it's so lovely."
"I know, I'll never part with it again!"
"No, your necklace. It looks just like your cutie mark."
"What? Ooh. So does yours."
Grey scanned the room. "They all do."
Applejack spoke up. "Gee Twilight, I thought you were just spoutin' a lot of hooey, but I reckon we really do represent the elements of friendship."
A majestic voice emanated to Grey's left. "Indeed you do." The sun rose, and shone in their eyes. When the light cleared, there was an alicorn with a pure white coat, and a green, blue, and pink mane moving in a wave. The ponies bowed to her, and the agents followed.
Twilight gasped. "Princess Celestia!"
She ran towards the alicorn, who took her in an embrace. "Twilight Sparkle, my faithful student. I knew you could do it."
"But... you told me it was all an old pony tale."
"I told you that you needed to make some friends, nothing more. I saw the signs of Nightmare Moon's return, and I knew it was you who had the magic inside to defeat her, but you could not unleash it until you let true friendship into your heart. Now if only another will as well." She looked over at the pony lying on the ground. "Princess Luna." The pony awoke, and gasped. "It has been a thousand years since I have seen you like this. Time to put our differences behind us. We were meant to rule together, little sister. Will you accept my friendship?"
Princess Luna waited before charging at Celestia. "I'm so sorry! I missed you so much, big sister."
The two began to cry. "I missed you too."
Pinkie Pie was also crying her eyes out, but only for about five seconds. "Hey, you know what this calls for?"
"A party!" Ponies galloped into town square to celebrate. Twilight and Spike hugged each other, relieved to know that the other was safe. The royal guards drew Celestia's carriage into the town, and ponies erupted into cheer to see their ruler. Princess Luna was distraught over the event, but her sadness faded into a smile as two pegasus foals hung a wreath of flowers around her neck. Grey excused himself, and read a message from Perkins.
To, Grey.
After reviewing your request, I presented it to the O5 council for their decision. It took a while, but the council have made the decision to authorize the public revelation of the foundation's existence, and are allowing you to remain in this new dimension to continue research and containment. You may reveal the facility to the population of this dimension at your earliest convenience. I held no doubt towards you Grey. You have impressed me. I look forward to your next report. Good luck my friend.
Best, Perkins.
Grey was relieved. This new dimension was amazing, and now he didn't have to leave. His speech would occur immediately after Celestia's. He never expected to make a speech about the foundation to civilians, much less ponies, but he was here, and he would do his job.
Princess Celestia stood up to the podium, and made a speech. "1000 years ago, I lost my sister to a dark power. I had no choice but to banish her to the moon. Throughout the whole millennium, I was miserable, afraid that I would need to send her back. But thanks to the brave efforts of Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Rarity, Princess Luna has been freed, and is here to celebrate with us. From this day onwards, let the Summer Sun Celebration not symbolize Nightmare Moon's defeat, but Princess Luna's return. Of course, this would not have been possible without the contributions of the humans, Grey and his team. I will now call Grey forward to give a few quick words."
Grey stood up to the podium, and took the microphone. Everypony fell silent, except for one unicorn, who was violently shaking an earth pony by her side. "Hello. My name is Jacob Grey. I am the director of Area-16, a facility established by The SCP Foundation. The SCP Foundation originates from another dimension, separate from your own. We are an international covert agency tasked with the monitoring and containment of paranormal entities and anomalies. An anomaly is a creature or object that does not conform to science. Examples include a key capable of opening any door, a pill that can cure any disease, and a blob that induces happiness just from contact. While the examples I have provided are all beneficial, the majority of anomalies we contain can be a threat to life. That is why we have elaborate containment procedures to keep anomalies sealed away and protect the public. In our home reality, The SCP Foundation has conducted this mission in secret for over a hundred years. However, due to the significant level of anomalous activity in this dimension, as well as the increasing difficulty in keeping this activity secret, I have received approval from the O5 council to make the decision to reveal us publicly. We understand that the revelation of a secret organization from another dimension may be distressing to some ponies. We would like to assure you that The SCP Foundation exists for your safety and security. We will more publicly reveal ourselves in the days that follow, including the revelation of several contained anomalies, detailing the foundation's command structure, and making contact between the O5 Council and the princesses. Thank you for you time, and we look forward to securing, containing, and protecting on a whole new frontier." Grey descended from the podium. Reactions were mixed, but most were happy to hear of their new protectors.
The party continued, and everyone was having a wonderful time. But Grey thought Twilight looked sad. Celestia also saw it, and walked over to her. "Why so glum, my faithful student? Are you not happy that your quest is complete and you can return to your studies in Canterlot?"
Twilight frowned. "That's just it. Just when I learned how wonderful it is to have friends, I have to leave them."
Celestia gave a small smile. "Spike, take a note, please."
The dragon drew a quill and parchment. Grey walked over. "Hang on." He took them, and gave Spike a pen and paper. "Here, this is easier to write on."
Spike scribbled to test it, before giving a nod to Celestia. He began to transcribe her words. "I, Princess Celestia, hereby decree that the unicorn Twilight Sparkle shall take on a new mission for Equestria. She must continue to study the magic of friendship. She must report to me her findings from her new home in Ponyville."
Twilight's friends cheered and hugged her. "Oh thank you, Princess Celestia! I'll study harder than ever before."
Grey bid farewell to his new friends and returned to Area-16. He entered the command building, and walked towards his office. "Guardsman, I am not to be disturbed for any reason."
"Yes sir."
Grey sat down in his chair. He looked through his family photos. He wished his daughter was here to see this. Maybe someday she could. But for now, he had a job to do.
Item #: Pending.
Temporary Designation: SCP-HARM.
Object Class: Thaumiel.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-HARM-1 through -6 are to be contained in a maximum security vault located at Protected Site-01-E (Canterlot Castle), 24 meters below street level. At least 5 armed security personnel must be outside of the vault at all times. The vault should contain heat, motion, laser, gas, sound, light, and magic sensors as well as external and internal security cameras monitored 24/7. In event of total power failure, all sensors must be capable of connection to backup generator and full reboot in under 40 seconds. The vault should be sealed at all times when access to SCP-HARM is not required. When access is not required, twelve steel rods are to be inserted (6 horizontally, and 6 vertically) to prevent forced opening. The vault superstructure should be encased in a [REDACTED] meter thick steel and concrete shell. The single entrance to the vault is to be a reinforced diamond-titanium alloy, time-locked access portal, located on the vault ceiling. Vault door should be under an airtight and watertight seal, equipped with seismic sensors and rated to withstand >12 hours of continuous drilling, as well as >10 kilograms of C4. Two metal plates should generate a magnetic field that will break when opened and sound alarms if not disengaged from control centre. The vault is to be sealed by dual custody combination lock (which must be unlocked by keycard and changed on a bi-weekly basis), two piece key, biometric scanner measuring hoofprint, retina, and cutie mark, voice analysis gateway, and a 30 minute timelock that may only be overridden by Class-5 spell known only to Princess Celestia. Each royal sister should only be in possession of one key fragment, one combination, and one keycard at all times. In the event that the vault unlocking procedure begins, an integrated computer system is to check Foundation servers for a valid authorization request. If no such request exists, MTF Alpha-1-E (Red Right Hoof) are to be immediately alerted. If a valid authorization request does exist, facility control centre must be informed, and dispatch a security officer regardless. The vault is to enter total lockdown at the first sign of hostile attack, power failure, or other situation which interferes with standard facility operation, and not exit lockdown sequence until authorized from two independent security stations at least one hour after all clear signal. A computer system located inside the vault should transmit signal to control room at all times, to confirm that systems are still functional. The computer may also be used for high-security documents with approval of Dr [REDACTED] Grey. Computer should be under total lockout at all times, and only disengaged via Universal Serial Bus (USB) access key. The computer is to remain disconnected from the site network to prevent remote access. Each instance of SCP-HARM should be contained in an independent blast-proof, heat-resistant, safety deposit box showing the cutie mark of the bearer of the contained instance. Several decoy boxes with random cutie marks should be present in the vault, and built to the same specifications as the main boxes. Personnel may store items in these decoy boxes with approval from Dr [REDACTED] Grey. Each element bearer should only have the combination to their deposit box, and no other, and should be supervised by no less than 3 authorized personnel. There is to be a tesla gate located in-between the vault door and interior, and several systems capable of draining oxygen inside the vault into a cryogenically cooled storage vessel to a lethal capacity in under 3 minutes.
Addendum 1: Proposed installation of stasis turret prototypes. Addendum 2: Considering installation of a Scranton Reality Anchor.
Description: SCP-HARM refers to a series of anomalous objects (SCP-HARM-1 through SCP-HARM-6) that, when used together, are capable of unleashing a devastating reality altering effect. The upper limits of the effect are unknown, but is has been confirmed to be able to resurrect the deceased. The items previously existed in the form of six stones, but have since transformed into a crown (SCP-HARM-1) and several necklaces, showing the cutie mark of their bearer. Each instance has been identified as an element contributing to what is publicly considered as a "strong" friendship.
Detailed information: Level 4 access only.
Warning! This document is restricted to Level 4 personnel only. If you do not have Level 4 clearance, please avert your eyes now to avoid embedded memetic kill agents.
Twilight seemed hesitant. "I don't know Spike. Growing magic is pretty advanced, and trying it on a human? I don't even understand their anatomy."
Spike was confident in her. "Come on Twilight, I know you can do it. You're amazing with magic."
She seemed touched by that comment. "Thanks Spike. You're the best assistant I could ever have."
Grey called from the observation booth. "Test commencing shortly. All personnel, please clear the test chamber."
Guards escorted Spike out. "You can do it Twilight!"
She smiled at him, and then turned around. Not much to look at. The test chamber was comprised of white stainless steel plates. Each one was a square, 1 meter in all dimensions, and totally featureless, except for the panel 5 meters ahead of her, which bore a large red X. Not all the chambers were so uniform. Panels could be switched out for different colors, shapes, patterns, even different materials for test which needed heat or electrical current. The chambers also had several apparatus, such as pedestal buttons and laser emitters that could be installed as required.
"Test chamber sealed. Lowering Class-D subject." A translucent glass tank descended from the ceiling, held by a claw arm. A liquid was seen sloshing inside it. Floating in the liquid was a man in an orange jumpsuit. A Class-D. The foundation's lab rats.
Mainstream science had placed humans in cryogenic stasis, but had failed to successfully resuscitate them. The foundation did not use mainstream science. The cryopod was actually quite an amazing invention. The subject was placed in a cylindrical capsule which was filled with a chemical that rested at a temperature of absolute zero, referred to as Specimen Lambda. The subject fell to a state of suspended animation, and the nutritional supplement was designed to be recycled for the whole period of stasis, keeping the subject alive.
The pod lowered to the floor, and gave an audible hiss before opening. The cryogenic fluid spilt out, and the subject collapsed on the floor. A weak electric current emitted from the coils on top of the pod. It jumped into the subject's body, restarting his heart. He pushed himself up, and coughed out a clear fluid. He stood up, gagged, and complained. "Ugh, can't you nerds make this stuff taste like anything other than [REDACTED]?"
"Mind your language, D-6974. Please stand on the red X." The subject complied, but grumbled under his breath. "Subject in position. Commence test." The lights in the chamber dimmed, and Twilight casted a spell. A field of magic particles formed around the subject's upper lip. It cleared, and a moustache was clearly visible on his face. "Phase one complete. Begin phase two." Twilight casted another spell. The field formed again, and when it cleared, the facial hair was gone. "Great job Twilight. Subject, return to your cryopod." The subject entered the pod, and it hissed shut. Specimen Lambda flooded into the tank, and the subject closed his eyes. The pod was lifted into the ceiling. Grey watched the journey of the pod. It moved across a track. It reached the CDCZ (Class D Confinement Zone), and took it's position in storage, among millions of other pods just like it. Grey pushed the green button to end the test. The lights in the chamber turned off, and the chamber opened. Grey escorted Twilight to the topside lift.
"Great work in there Twilight. But I'm curious. None of our unicorn subjects have shown as much magical talent as you. They've only known a few spells related to their cutie mark."
"True, for ponies whose talents are things like singing or math. But what if a unicorn's special talent is magic?"
The lift arrived at topside. "Ah, I see. So your talent is magic, which explains why you know so many spells."
"Oh, Grey, stop. I'm sure there are lots of ponies here in Ponyville that know just as much magic as me.
Spike joined the group. "Are you kiddin'? I don't think there's another unicorn in all of Equestria with your kind of ability!"
"Gangway!" Grey was knocked onto his side as something smashed into him at high speed.
He saw the two ponies who had slammed into him. They were unicorn foals. One was short and fat. One was tall, and looked like he was on drugs. "Watch where you're going you assholes!"
The high one spoke. "Haven't you heard? There's a new unicorn in town!"
The chubby one continued. "Yeah! They say she's got more magical powers than any other unicorn ever!"
Grey took a nicotine mint from his pocket and ate it. He was limiting himself to two cigarettes a day, but found himself eating like ten of those mints. Too many situations just called for a good smoke. "Oh yeah? Is that true? Well where is she?"
The tall one responded. "Ho, she's in the town square. Come on!"
Grey pushed himself to his feet, and followed them. He checked the civilian database on his PDA, and found their names to be Snips and Snails. Grey's first impression suggested that they had the IQ, and likely the attention span of a brick.
There was a crowd of ponies in the town square, gathered in front of what seemed to be a stage. "Come one! Come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" A blue unicorn in a wizard hat and cloak appeared on the stage in a puff of smoke. "Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!"
Grey immediately knew what was going on. "Oh you have to be shitting me. She's just a performer. There's nothing magical about smoke, mirrors, and being a narcissistic brat."
Rarity also seemed to clue in to the fact that there was a cargo plane's worth of hyperbole here. "My, my, my! What boasting!"
Twilight seemed uneasy. "There's nothing wrong with being talented, is there?"
Applejack appeared from the background. "Nothin' at all, 'cep'n when someone goes around showin' it off like a school filly with fancy new ribbons."
Rarity expanded on that point. "Just because one has the ability to perform lots of magic does not make one better than the rest of us."
Rainbow Dash swooped down from the sky. "Especially when ya got me around being the best of us." A quick glare from Applejack set her straight. "Uh, yeah, I mean, magic shmagic. Boo!"
The unicorn took notice. "Well, well, well, it seems we have some neighsayers in the audience. Who is so ignorant as to challenge the magical ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie? Do they not know that they're in the presence of the most magical unicorn in all of Equestria?"
Grey almost wanted to laugh. Twilight and Spike weren't by his side anymore, but he had to put this asshole in her place. "And what exactly makes you that? It's easy to say that you're powerful. It's another level to demonstrate it."
Trixie scoffed at him. "Heh, why, only the Great and Powerful Trixie has magic strong enough to vanquish the dreaded Ursa Major!" A bear appeared in the sky. The two foals were still simping for the unicorn. She continued her (fake) story. "When all hope was lost, the ponies of Hoofington had no-one to turn to, but the Great and Powerful Trixie stepped in, and sent it back to it's cave, deep within the Everfree Forest!" Snips and Snails continued to be gullible, praising the liar.
Spike seemed to be losing his patience. "How do you know? You didn't see it! And besides, Twi-" He was cut off. Grey looked over. His mouth was zipped shut, and he was trying to speak through it.
Trixie continued to be a narcissistic asshole. "It's true, my enthusiastic little admirers. Trixie is most certainly the best in Ponyville." There was silence from the crowd. "Don't believe the Great and Powerful Trixie? Well then, I hereby challenge you, Ponyvillians. Anything you can do, I can do better."
Spike unzipped his mouth and fell to his knees, begging to Twilight. "Please! She's unbearable! You gotta show her! You just gotta!"
Twilight became reluctant. "There's no way I'm gonna use my magic now, Spike. Especially since-"
She was interrupted. "Hmm, how about you?" Twilight gulped. "Well, how about it, hm? Is there anything you can do that the Great and Powerful Trixie can't? Well, little hayseed?"
Grey had it. "Enough of this. You're all bark and no bite. Magic is good for illusions, but it's no substitute for years of training and field experience." A holographic screen appeared in the sky, streaming a Project Oracle simulation. The soldiers on the battlefield moved with precision and elegance. Ponies watched in awe as the agents showed their combative prowess, each member of each team moving like a cog in a finely oiled machine. Cheer erupted from the crowd as the Ghosts took a strong lead. "I'd like to see you try that."
Trixie chuckled. "Oh, is that so?" She removed her stupid cosplay, and her horn lit up. Grey heard gasps behind him. He turned around, and was horrified at what he saw. The task force had broken formation. Their refined tactics had devolved into a head-first charge. The Ghosts fell to the gunfire of the Ravens, dropping in waves. The battlefield disappeared, and the logo of the Ravens spun endlessly on a black background. "That is what you consider an elite unit? The Great and Powerful Trixie could deal with them in her sleep." Grey immediately knew what had happened.
"You... you did this! You bastard! I should kill you!" He drew his pistol, and held it to her head. His grip tightened on the trigger.
Applejack placed her hoof on Grey. "Calm down Sugarcube. I'll deal with her." Grey trusted her. He lowered his pistol, and returned to the crowd. AJ approached Trixie, and scoffed. "Can your magical powers do this?" Applejack grabbed her lasso with her tail, spinning it wide enough to pass around her as she pulled it upwards. She began to jump through the lasso, swinging it side to side. She flung it onto a tree, caught an apple, and launched it into her mouth. Ponies began to cheer their farmer, and her skills with the rope. "Top that, missy."
Trixie grinned. Oh no. She was going to do it again. "Oh ye of little talent. Watch and be amazed at the magic of Trixie!" Snake charmer music was audible, and the rope began to move of it's own accord. One part elevated to the tree, and captured another apple. A second part quickly wrapped around Applejack's legs and hog tied her. She fell to the ground, and the rope shoved the apple into her mouth. The audience began to laugh at the spectacle. "Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie prevails."
Rainbow hit her threshold next. "There's no need to go struttin' around and showin' off like that. That's my job!" Rainbow took to the skies. She spun the windmill, and ascended into the sky, puncturing several clouds. She posed in front of the sun for a brief moment, before descending on the same path. Rain droplets stored in the clouds began to come down. Rainbow spun the windmill in the other direction, sending the droplets along with her. She landed on the stage, the droplets made contact, and a miniature rainbow manifested above her. She looked beautiful. "They don't call me "Rainbow" and "Dash" for nothin'!" Another wave of cheer, this time for their chief weather pony.
"When Trixie is through, the only thing they'll call you is loser." A spell struck Dash, and the rainbow above her head began to curve. It formed a tornado, engulfed her, and spun her through the air. Dash only stopped when she made contact with the ground.
Rainbow was clearly disoriented. "I think I'm gonna be sick." Applejack, now free of the rope, galloped over to help her up.
"Seems like anypony with a dash of good sense would think twice before tussling with the great Trixie." A storm cloud appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Rainbow's flank. Her mane and tail shot stiff. The crowd collapsed into laughter again.
Spike couldn't take it anymore. "What we need is another unicorn to challenge her. Someone with some magic of her own."
Grey understood what he meant. "You're right. Somepony who could put her in her place."
Rainbow agreed. "Yeah! A unicorn to show this unicorn who's boss."
Applejack reinforced them. "A real unicorn to unicorn tussle."
Rarity interrupted. "Enough. Enough, all of you. I take your hint, but Rarity is above such nonsense. Rainbow Dash and Applejack may behave like ruffians, but Rarity conducts herself with beauty and grace." Grey gave a blank expression.
Trixie taunted her. "Ooo, what's the matter? Afraid you'll get a hair out of place in that rat's nest you call a mane?"
"Oh, it. Is. On." Rarity marched onto the stage, and started to go on a rant. "You may think you're tough with all your so-called powers, but there is more to magic than your brutish ways. A unicorn needs to be more than just muscle. A unicorn needs to have style." In a brief moment, Rarity turned curtains into a beautiful outfit. "A unicorn is not a unicorn without grace and beauty." A chorus of admiration came from the audience. Trixie smirked, and began to charge a spell.
Spike spoke aloud. It wasn't clear if he was trying to reassure the others, or himself. "Rarity won't let Trixie get the best of her! She's strong, she's beautiful, she's-"
Everyone gasped. "Quick! I need a mirror! Get me a mirror! What did she do to my hair? I know she did something terrible to my hair!"
The team rushed to calm her. "Nothing."
"It's fine."
"It's gorgeous."
"It's green." Everyone shot a glance at Spike. "What?"
Rarity seemed horrified. "No! Green hair! Not green hair!" She ran away, sobbing and crying. "Such an awful, awful color!"
A green-maned pony remarked from the crowd. "Well, I never!"
Grey couldn't handle this. "Twilight, the rest of the team are down. It's up to you."
"What do you mean? I'm nothing special."
"Yes you are. You're better than this jerk."
"I'm not better than anyone!"
"Ha! You think you're better than the Great and Powerful Trixie? You think you have more magical talent? Well, come on, show Trixie what you've got. Show us all." Twilight made an excuse about laundry, and galloped off. Grey couldn't believe it. She wasn't listening to reason. The unicorn with the most magic in all of the foundation (citation needed) wouldn't face down a show-off. Then he realized. She wouldn't face this show-off, because she was afraid she would be a show-off. "Once again, the Great and Powerful Trixie has proven herself to be the most amazing unicorn in all of Equestria. Huh, was there ever any doubt?" If Twilight wouldn't deal with Trixie, he would.
"Spike, go back to base. Keep talking to Twilight. I'll try and catch Trixie in a lie." The rest of the day was very slow. Grey spent most of it watching Trixie, only stopping for a quick smoke. Time seemed to move on frame-by-frame. Trixie spent most of the day combing her hair, drinking an oat smoothie, and generally telling Snips and Snails to bugger off. He heard Snips and Snails talk to Spike, but couldn't catch any words without taking his eyes off Trixie. He was getting sloppy. He made a mental note to run some stealth training simulations in Project Oracle when he got the chance, but continued to watch Trixie for now. The investigation in Hoofington was a dry run as well. No-pony recalled Trixie, but earlier, she spoke of the event as if it were some time ago. It could easily be attributed to ponies just not remembering. Nothing was turning up that could incriminate her. As night fell, Grey knew he wasn't getting anywhere, and made the decision to pack up and go home. Along the way, he ran into Spike, kicking a pebble down the path. "Hey kid."
"Hi Grey."
"You got nothing?"
"Nope. I just don't understand. She'd be using her magic to stand up for her friends, but she's worried about showing off." Screaming was heard from down the path. Snips and Snails were running towards them at a galloping pace.
"What have you two done this time?"
Snips galloped past them. "Can't talk now!"
Snails followed. "Got a major problem!"
"Yep! Ursa Major to be exact!"
"What did his annoying face say?" Grey and Spike heard trees collapsing behind them. They turned around, and before their eyes was a giant bear. It's fur was glowing a midnight blue, and there were faint stars in it's body. The one on it's head was much larger and more prominent. The Ursa opened it's mouth, bearing dangerously sharp fangs. "Oh. My. God."
"All civilians be aware! A dangerous anomaly is in your area, and you must take shelter. The anomaly in question is an Ursa Major, believed to have originated from the Everfree Forest. Please obey the following safety guidance.
Do not speak, no matter how quietly. The anomaly is believed to be extremely sensitive to sound. Hoof gestures are the only way to communicate without placing yourself in danger.
Do not approach, touch, or expose yourself to the anomaly. It is dangerous.
Do not attempt to combat the anomaly. It is useless, and you will put yourself at risk. The anomaly can only be terminated via coordinated efforts of trained personnel. Avoid confrontation at all costs.
Cooperate with SCP Foundation forces. We are here for your protection, and we will be able to protect everypony easier if you cooperate. Follow guidance from armed security personnel. They will lead you to evacuation shelters located throughout the town. Do not interfere with other personnel.
Do not help trapped individuals. Your safety should be your top priority.
Do not panic. The SCP Foundation will contain the situation.
After evacuation shelters are sealed, Mobile Task Forces will begin to fire upon the anomaly with heavy munitions. Do not be alarmed if you feel tremors.
Evacuation shelters will seal 10 minutes after the broadcast of this message, or in the event that the anomaly comes within 5 meters of an individual shelter. If you are late, you will be left behind.
Remain calm. The situation will be resolved soon. Secure. Contain. Protect.
Grey entered the Golden Oak Library. "Twilight, we have a situation."
"I told Spike, and I'll tell you Grey. I don't want to show up Trixie."
"No, it's not that. There's an Ursa Major in town. We need to evacuate." Twilight dropped her book and turned around.
"Did you just say..."
"Affirmative."
Grey gathered up the rest of the Mane 6 and led them through town. They made sure to keep low to the ground. They reached a part of the town where they met up with another group. Grey spoke to the guard leading them. "Report."
"30+ personnel. No clear injuries. But there were 3 back there. They weren't listening to us."
"We'll handle them. Get these ponies to the shelter."
"Yes sir." The guard saluted, and motioned for the ponies to follow him. Grey led his group in the direction the others came from. When they saw three ponies, it was clear why they were a problem. It was Trixie, Snips, and Snails. Trixie formed a small storm cloud, and struck the Ursa with a bolt of lightning. It was really quite pathetic.
Grey ran up to Snips and Snails. "What happened?"
Snips looked at Grey, and smiled, almost as if he was proud of the situation. "We brought an Ursa to town."
"You. Did. WHAT!?"
Snails looked at him. "Don't worry. The Great and Powerful Trixie will vanquish it."
The two morons looked at Trixie in anticipation. She hung her head. "I can't."
Snips and Snails were clearly not expecting that. "What!?"
Trixie came clean. "I can't. I never have. No one can vanquish an Ursa Major. I just made the whole story up to make me look better."
The group had a very mixed reaction.
"Made it up!?"
"And you're admitting this now?"
"What did I tell you?"
The Ursa landed behind them all, and roared. A shiver shot down Grey's spine. He looked at Twilight. She was their last hope. Both her and Grey knew it. She took a deep breath, and stepped forward. Her horn began to glow, and a cool breeze blew through Ponyville. Water reeds began to move, and then... a lullaby. The reeds were producing a lullaby. How was that possible? Then Grey remembered Test #16. Twilight was clever to use it in this way, and it seemed effective. The Ursa's eyes seemed to grow heavy.
Twilight's horn began to glow brighter, as the magic particles took the formation of a horn in several layers. In the distance, a water tower was ripped off it's supports, and began to float. The tower opened, and the water spilt out. Twilight's horn was glowing even brighter. Sparks began to fly from the formation. The tower passed through a barn, and cows were heard mooing from inside. The tower floated out, filled with fresh warm milk. She hadn't done that before. The Ursa began to fall towards Trixie.
The glow from Twilight's horn was shining as bright as the moon, and rays of light shot out. Twilight grabbed the Ursa in a telekinetic field. Everypony present was watching in total awe. The creature closed it's eyes, and began to drink from the top of the water tower as it floated away. Realizing what was happening, Grey pulled up the security feed from Area-16. Sure enough, the Ursa Major floated into a cave, and out of the camera's view. The glow on Twilight's horn flickered and died. She gasped for breath, and was then startled by cheers behind her. Grey clapped. "That was incredible."
Applejack remarked. "Heavens to Betsy! We knew you had ability, but not that much!"
Twilight shrunk back. "I'm sorry. Please, please don't hate me."
Rarity was confused. "Hate you? Why, whatever do you mean, darling?"
Twilight seemed about as confused as Rarity. "Well, I know how much you hated Trixie showing off with her magic tricks, and I just thought-"
Rainbow cut in. "Woah, woah, woah. Magic's got nothing to do with it. Trixie's just a loudmouth."
Rarity continued. "Most unpleasant."
Applejack finished. "All hat and no cattle."
"So, you don't mind my magic tricks?"
"Your magic is a part of who you are, sugarcube, and we like who you are. We're proud to have such a powerful, talented unicorn as our friend."
Rainbow spoke. "And after whipping that Ursa's hindquarters, we're even prouder."
"You are?" The group gave confirmation.
Grey spoke. "I'm impressed Twilight. How did you know what to do to stop that rampage?"
"That's actually what I was doing when you went to get me. I was so intrigued by Trixie's bragging that I was compelled to do a little reading up on them."
"All the same, you were able to vanquish an Ursa Major alone."
"That wasn't an Ursa Major. It was a baby. An Ursa Minor."
"Wait... that was just a baby?"
"And it wasn't rampaging. It was just cranky because SOMEONE woke it up."
Everypony present glared at Snips and Snails. Grey looked back at Twilight. "If that was just an infant, what are they like when they're fully grown?"
"You don't wanna know."
Trixie walked up to Twilight. "Huh. You may have vanquished an Ursa Minor, but you will never have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the Great and Powerful Trixie!" A puff of smoke, and she was galloping away. Wow. She was the textbook definition of an asshole.
Advanced Guardsman Adam Hall radioed in. "Suspect fleeing. Permission to detain."
Grey drew his radio. "Negative. Let her go. She's not our concern now. Besides, we have the other cause of this shitshow." He looked at Snips and Snails. "You two are henceforth detained for questioning."
Snips tried to talk out of it. "We're sorry we woke up the Ursa Minor. We just wanted to see some cool magic. And the way she vanquished that Ursa Minor was awesome!"
"Oh, I'm glad you enjoyed this. I mean, you caused countless bits in damage, endangered everyone, and even cost 3 lives, but if you had fun, everything's fine."
"Phew, okay. We'll just be-"
"I was being sarcastic!" Grey looked at the investigation teams, marked by green triangles on their uniforms. "Agents. Remove them from my sight." The teams grabbed Snips and Snails, sedated them, and took them away.
3 days later, the clean-up was done. Grey hoped that he would never see those foals again. He couldn't get to sleep. He hadn't been able to get to sleep for the past 3 days. Maybe a cup of tea would help. He fumbled on his bedside table for his keycard, but instead found his way to the picture of him and his wife, with their new-born daughter. He decided to stop putting it off. He picked up his PDA, and turned it on. He opened the comms network, and sent a message to Perkins.
Sir, Grey here.
Positive reactions to our public reveal. Several ponies are already signing up. Prevented a disaster today. You know the Ursa Minor constellation? Turns out that it has a physical form here. I just have a request. Could you transfer my family to this project? I haven't been getting much sleep lately, I'm kind of worried about them. I'm probably just being paranoid. Sorry to disturb you sir.
Thank you.
Grey put his PDA down, scanned his keycard, and stumbled into the kitchen. He felt hungry, but just wanted some tea for now. He heard that sometimes, sensations of hunger can actually be caused by thirst. The kettle took forever to boil. He sipped, and his eyes began to feel heavy. He stumbled back to his room, and saw a light on his PDA.
To, Grey.
Good to hear that. You're doing fantastic, just as I predicted. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been sleeping well. I suggest trying to keep yourself awake in bed. Research is pretty mixed, but it works better than trying to force yourself to sleep. Of course I can transfer your family to your project. I'll get the paperwork sorted within a week. Keep up the good work.
It was an early morning. Metal grinding filled Grey's ears as the transition seal slid open. Twilight and Spike were waiting for him at topside. They saluted each other, and proceeded into town. There wasn't a cloud in sight. Grey took a deep breath, filling his lungs with crisp, clean air. Down in the site, it was just carbon dioxide recirculated through a greenhouse. It was no substitute for "true air" as the rookies called it. As they entered the town, there wasn't a pony in sight. Not even the perimeter guard. Grey was displeased with them, but confused about everyone else. "Where is everypony? Do you guys have some kind of holiday?" Twilight thought for a bit.
"Not that I know of." Spike began to consider possibilities.
"Is it... ZOMBIES!?"
"No. The guard would have alerted me."
A faint voice. "Twilight! Spike! Grey!" It was Pinkie Pie's voice, coming from Sugarcube Corner, the bakery.
"Pinkie? What the hell are you doing?"
"Come here! Hurry! Before she gets you!"
"Pinkie Pie, who are you talking about?"
She looked around, and muttered "Her."
The group slowly moved into the building. The rest of their friends, along with the perimeter guard, were already in there. He noticed that Applejack brought her little sister. What was her name? Apple Seed? No, that's not it. Apple Blossom? No. Whoever she was, she looked scared.
"Did you see Zecora?"
"Apple Bloom! I told you to never say that name."
Ah, that was it. Apple Bloom. "Who is Zecora?"
"Over there."
Grey looked out the window. A robbed equine was poking at the earth. She removed her hood, showing a pattern of black and white stripes. Grey released a sigh of relief. "She's not a monster. She's just a zebra. They're equines found on earth, and they don't pose a threat."
Rarity did not seem convinced. "Just look at those stripes, so garish."
"Those stripes aren't a fashion choice, she was born with them." Rarity fainted as Grey continued to talk.
"You know, on Earth, we have an important lesson about not judging a book by it's cover. You should never think that you know someone without actually knowing them. How can we be sure she's not on our side?"
Applejack spoke. "She lives in... The Everfree Forest." A crash came from the kitchen, and made everyone jump.
"Spike!"
"That's where our base is. If she was doing anything significant, our sentry posts would have found her and alerted us. I know you all have certain... suspicions about the forest, and from our findings, they are not unwarranted. But nothing is pure evil. There is evil in good, and good in evil. Remember the Ursa? It was just angry that those two morons woke it up. We should at least speak to her." The ponies murmured amongst themselves. "If you still believe that she's hostile after that, I will detain her immediately."
Applejack did not seem convinced. "Ahm sorry Grey, but the Everfree forest just ain't natural. The plants grow..."
Fluttershy continued. "Animals care for themselves..."
Rainbow followed. "And the clouds move..."
They finished in unison. "All on their own."
At least those fears were somewhat justified. "Back on earth, that's completely normal. To me and the other humans, the rest of Equestria isn't natural. And besides, just because someone lives in a strange place, that doesn't mean they're evil."
Pinkie Pie reacted. "Oh she's evil alright, she lives there in the forest doing her evil... stuff! She's so evil, I even wrote a song about her."
"NO! DON'T YOU-"
"She's an evil enchantress She does evil dances And if you look deep in her eyes She'll put you in trances Then what will she do? She'll mix up an evil brew Then she'll gobble you up In a big tasty stew Soooo... Watch out!"
Grey raised his pistol. "Never sing that again." The group continued to act as if Zecora was a war criminal. Twilight and Apple Bloom were the only ones acting with logic. "Listen! You're all acting irrationally. This fear of her that you have is completely unjustified."
Pinkie Pie got uncomfortably close to him. "Well, I heard that Zecora eats hay."
Grey pushed her back. "Are you fucking serious? YOU eat hay! Twilight eats hay! Everypony eats hay!"
Pinkie got close to him again. "Yeah, but I heard it's the evil way she eats hay!"
Grey shoved her again. "If someone pushes you away from them, it means I don't like you being that close, not do it again."
"Wait, where's Apple Bloom?"
Grey looked over, to see an open door. "She went to pursue Zecora. We need to find her."
"So you admit it?"
"No. I still hold a neutral opinion on Zecora. But the forest is filled with dangers a little filly is incapable of dealing with."
After ~10 minutes, the group galloped ahead. "Hey! Wait for me!" Grey heard them shouting in the distance.
"Apple Bloom! You get back here right now!"
"Beware! Beware, you pony folk! Those leaves of blue are not a joke!"
Grey pushed himself up, and saw something horrible. They were standing in a field of blue flowers. "GET OUT OF THERE!" The group quickly backed out. Grey raised his pistol at Zecora. "You are being detained for questioning! Do not resist!" Zecora backed into the fog.
"Beware! Beware!"
Grey fired a warning shot. The zebra did not respond. Grey grabbed his radio. "Doctor Bright, prepare 6 Class-E holding cells. Twilight and her friends have been contaminated."
The group seemed very panicked, ranting and raving about the zebra cursing them. He approached to explain what had happened, but Twilight beat him to the punch.
"You guys, there's no such thing as curses!"
Rainbow did not seem convinced. "Well, that's interesting to hear coming from Miss Magic Pants herself."
Twilight rolled her eyes. "My magic, real magic, comes from within. It's a skill you're born with. Curses are artificial, fake magic. They're conjured with potions and incantations; all smoke and mirrors meant to scare. But they aren't real, they're just old pony tales."
Grey finally spoke up. "Twilight, while they may be old pony tales, Nightmare Moon was also an old pony tale. How'd that work out? And-"
He tried to explain SCP-JOKE, but everyone was arguing, and took no notice.
The next morning, Grey went to observe the group. Twilight's horn was limp, as if it was a numb arm. Pinkie Pie's tongue protruded from her mouth. Rarity's hair had grown to a level that inhibited her ability to see. At first, it seemed like Applejack wasn't in her cell, but then he saw that she had somehow shrunk to the size of a caterpillar. Fluttershy and Rainbow had no clear changes. Then Rainbow tried to take flight. She quickly lost her balance and crashed. Okay, that answered that. Still, Fluttershy looked fine. He decided to enter the cell and check on her.
"Good morning Fluttershy."
She was quiet.
"Did you sleep well?"
She nodded.
"Are you feeling okay?"
She nodded.
"You're pretty quiet, even for yourself."
She was quiet.
"I can't see anything wrong with you. Were you unaffected?"
She shook her head.
"Well, what happened?"
She was quiet.
"Flutters, we're friends. You can tell me anything."
A deep, masculine voice came from her mouth. "I don't wanna talk about it."
He was not expecting that. He released the group from their cells, and they immediately took notice of each other. They began arguing about curses and hexes. Twilight dashed to the archives and tried desperately to find a natural explanation. "There has to be some reason for this! An illness? An allergy?"
Spike ran over to her with a book. "How about this?"
"Supernaturals? Spike. The word supernatural refers to things like ghosts and spirits and zombies, which are as make-believe as curses. This book is just a bunch of hooey!"
Spike seemed doubtful. "But what if you're wrong Twilight? What if this really is a-"
Rainbow crashed into the bookshelf. "I think we'll find a cure to this curse at Zecora's place."
Twilight and Grey groaned. "It's not a curse!"
The group's discussion devolved into shouting. Eventually, Rainbow Dash voted to confront Zecora. At that moment, they noticed that Applejack and Apple Bloom were gone. Grey formed a small assault team and rushed into the forest. Rainbow flew ahead. After half an hour, they came to a building in the base of a tree. The soldiers moved ahead and looked through the windows.
"PID on target. I don't see Apple Bloom anywhere."
The ponies advanced to join the soldiers. Rarity brushed her hair aside. "Nice decorations, if you like creepy!"
"They're likely a part of her tradition. Natives in Hawaii made Tiki masks to represent their gods. They believed they improved produce and protected their homes."
The zebra entered the hut and approached a cauldron. She poured something into it, which caused it to bubble. She proceeded to speak something in her native tongue. Pinkie Pie seemed shocked. Through her bloated tongue, Grey heard her say "She stole my song!"
Twilight looked over at her. "Pinkie, that doesn't sound anything like your song."
Pinkie wanted to start singing, but Grey flicked open his holster. She took the hint.
Rarity turned towards him. "You saw those terrible things. Now do you believe us Grey?
Grey was beginning to doubt himself. "We have to wait and see what she does. We don't want to be attacking an innocent."
Zecora tasted the liquid in the cauldron. Grey was relieved to finally have found an answer. She was just cooking a meal. Then she spoke. "Mmm. The perfect temperature for ponies, I presume. Now, where is that little Apple Bloom?"
The situation had just gone from 0 to 100 faster than he could have anticipated. "Oh fuck! Go! Go! Go!"
The team kicked down the door and ran in.
"SCP! Freeze!"
"Don't you fucking move!"
"Get down on the ground!"
She began to panic in her native language. Grey ran towards her and held his pistol to her head.
"Where the fuck is Apple Bloom!? Answer or you die!"
"No! No! You do not understand! This situation is getting out of hand!"
Rainbow Dash flew in through the open door, with a tiny AJ being flung off her back. She collided head first with an agent, who fell over onto the cauldron, spilling the contents. Grey ordered everyone back from the spill due to potential toxicity.
"No! You know not what you do! You've gone and spilled my precious brew!"
Grey returned to holding his pistol at her head. "You fucking psycho! I didn't want to have to do this, but your actions are unforgivable."
She seemed offended. "How dare you! You destroy my home, destroy my work, then rudely accuse me of being a jerk?"
"Where. Is. Apple. Bloom?"
A familiar voice from behind. "Zecora! I think I found all the things ya asked for. What in Ponyville is goin on here?"
Grey turned around. There was Apple Bloom, completely unharmed. He was relieved that she was okay, but worried about her presence in the AO. "Apple Bloom, I want you to run back the way you came. Run, and don't stop. You're in danger here."
A look of confusion. "From what?"
Twilight jumped in front of her. "Because Zecora's an evil enchantress who cursed us all and was gonna cook you up into soup!
Apple Bloom and Zecora burst into laughter.
"Oh Twilight. Did those silly fillies finally get in yer head? You know there's no such thing as a curse."
"Apple Bloom, sweetie, you can't stand there and tell me this isn't a curse."
"This isn't a curse."
Zecora, with guns still fixed firmly on her, joined the conversation. "If you will remember back, the words I spoke were quite exact."
"It was a warnin. About that blue plant. It's called Poison Joke."
Grey motioned for the guards to lower their guns. 2 hesitated. 2 complied. "I tried to tell you all. It was the first SCP we found in this world." He loaded the file on his PDA, and held it for them to see. He walked over to Zecora. "This is what you were talking about, yes?"
"That plant is much like poison oak. But its results are like a joke. This plant does not breed wrath, instead it just wants a laugh."
Grey explained. "It gets into your DNA and alters it while you sleep. It makes you look like a fool of yourself. Zecora had nothing to do with it." He turned to Zecora. "Please accept my apologies for our rash behavior."
Rarity interjected. "What about the mysterious chanting?"
"The words I chanted were from olden times. Something you call a nursery rhyme."
Grey resumed his conversation. "If I may, what was in the cauldron?"
Apple Bloom spoke for her. "That was for these here ingredients I got for her. The cure for Poison Joke is a simple natural remedy. Ya just gotta take a bath in them."
"A cure? Where did you find it?"
Zecora walked over to a book. Twilight and Grey followed. "Here is the book you see? Sad you do not have it in your library."
Grey closed the book. It was the supernaturals book Twilight dismissed. She shrunk back as he spoke. "We do have this one. It's just... we thought it was nothing but superstition." He read under it. "Natural remedies and cure-alls that are simply super." Everyone, pony and human, looked embarrassed. " I told them not to judge a book by its cover, and yet that's what I did with this book." He chuckled, and turned to Zecora, holstering his pistol. "Heh. I really am an idiot. I know this may seem like a ridiculous request given what we just put you through, but... could you develop another batch of that cure?"
Zecora smiled. She seemed happy with their apology. "Mix it up I certainly will. Yet I am missing a herb from Ponyville. But whenever I go, with what I am met, is a town deserted, abandoned, fled."
"Oh. We can resolve that."
The group marched into town, with Zecora at their side. Ponies saw them, and devolved into a fearful mob. Grey grabbed a megaphone. "Everypony! There's been a big misunderstanding! Let us explain!"
40 minutes later, the ponies were at the Ponyville Day Spa, soaking in the hot tub. The signature blue spots of the infection fading, and their irregularities correcting themselves. The others decided to join in. They felt they had earned it. Grey intended to join in, but had a quick adjustment to make to the SCP-JOKE file.
Item #: Pending.
Temporary Designation: SCP-JOKE.
Object Class: Safe.
Special Containment Procedures: No physical contact is allowed with SCP-JOKE at any time. Any SCP-JOKE found in the wild must be brought to the attention of biohazard containment teams. Personnel wishing to interact with SCP-JOKE must wear full-body hazmat suits to prevent exposure and contamination. Any personnel infected with SCP-JOKE are to be stripped of their rank and security clearance, studied, and euthanized if deemed necessary by on-site medical staff. administered the cure found in Addendum JOKE-2, Cure Formula. SCP-JOKE specimens must be contained in a 15X15X15 meter room in planters with soil from the forest that they are native to. Solar lamps must be on at all times, and a ventilation system should be set to cycle every 24 hours. The containment unit must have sprinklers set to deploy once every 6 hours. In the event of breakdown, personnel in full-body hazmat suits must water SCP-JOKE specimens by hand every 12 hours. In the event of specimens withering, they must be watered immediately.
Description: SCP-JOKE seems to be a wildflower, which displays anomalous properties if a subject is exposed for more than 30 seconds. At this point, through an unknown means, the flower seeps into the subject's body and begins to alter their DNA structure, rapidly increasing the body's melatonin production. All exposed subjects who have remained awake due to external stimuli have passed into a coma by the 3rd hour, and all attempts to wake them have ended in total failure. After a subject falls into NREM or REM sleep, SCP-JOKE begins to rapidly change DNA structure, resulting in extreme mutations. Subjects commonly wake up after the 6th hour, but records of sleeping until for up to 12 hours do exist. After conversion is completed, the subject is awakened, The mutations are not always physical, but are always detrimental to the subject, causing difficulty in performing duties, and seem to be of comedic nature. There is no cure once infected. Re-exposure terminates the previous mutation, but after 2nd exposure, every subsequent exposure heightens the risk of [DATA EXPUNGED].
Addendum JOKE-1: SCP-500 has been found to cure the effects of SCP-JOKE even in final stages of infection.
It was unbelievingly relaxing.
"Thank you so much for your services Zecora. You've saved these ponies, and many guards who were contaminated in the initial recovery operation." He gave her a smile, which she returned. "If... if we needed your help for future research, would you be willing to provide it? We could pay you."
"If payment was demanded, I would be quite upstart. I will help you out of the goodness of my heart."
The group waved goodbye as Zecora faded into the forest with a kind smile. Then, a large impact with his leg sent Grey to the dirt. A familiar voice made him smile. "You're under arrest!" His daughter, Zoe was tying his hands together with imaginary handcuffs.
"Hello my little trainee."
She continued to read out The Miranda Rights. "You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can be used against you!"
"Arresting me huh? You should have brought backup."
He broke his imaginary handcuffs and hugged her tight. He turned to his friends. "Everyone, this is my little foal, Zoe."