Fencing
Trixie couldn't have imagined a more beautiful view if she tried.
She was sitting somewhere along the remote Baltimare peninsula, along the tall cliffs where the land met the sea. Gigantic, dreamy clouds drifted lazily in the distance against a brilliant autumnal sky, the sun reflecting off the waves of the ocean crashing against the shoreline.
And right in the center of it all - like the finishing touch on the most wonderful painting in the world - sat the pony she loved most, staring wistfully out into the ocean, deep in thought as her mane blew gently in the calm wind. She had a curious, yet serious, nature about her, as if she bore the weight of the world on her shoulders.
“Starlight?” Trixie spoke her name quietly, cutting through the sounds of nature around them.
“Yeah?” she replied in an empty voice, not turning around to face Trixie.
"Well...I was just wondering how you felt about all of this."
Silence. A loud wave crashed.
“All of what?” Starlight finally replied. Trixie blinked.
“Um. Well….this. All of…this,” she said, slowly motioning her hoof forward in a gentle circle, encompassing the beautiful view around them.
Finally, Starlight turned to face her. The sun reflected off her face in the most extraordinary way, curving like an arrow to point towards a single tear dripping down her eye.
“It’s beautiful,” she said.
You’re beautiful, Trixie thought.
“This is one of my favorite spots,” she said the first thing that came to mind to avoid letting out how she truly felt, “When I needed to practice tricks alone, and I knew they didn’t like me in Ponyville, this is where I would come for peace and quiet.”
She tilted her head down, hiding her eyes under her hat from Starlight’s point of view, but keeping her mouth visible as it also curled into a small smile.
“Sometimes I still come here anyway. When I’m feeling alone.”
After what seemed like a moment of reflection, Starlight began to walk towards her.
“Do you feel alone…often, Trixie?” she asked in a kind, compassionate voice.
“Starlight-“ Trixie said suddenly, in a rather abrupt, mood-cutting tone - enough to stop the purple unicorn in her tracks.
“Can…can we just talk about this already?”
Starlight was a deer in the headlights.
“About…this?” she asked, confused.
Five years.
Five damn years, Trixie thought.
“About…”
Was this the right time?
Would it ever?
She felt a strong wind blow. Somehow, some way, that was the push she needed. Trixie looked up, directly at Starlight, her mouth quivering.
“Starlight, I love you.”
Trixie couldn’t tell how much time passed. The two mares stood staring at each other. For some reason, the distance itself was more notable - she felt like they were at least a meter or two apart. For some reason, that was notable. There was a leaf on a nearby tree - hanging on by a thread, about to break. Why was she focusing on these things?
Maybe it was better than focusing on how long this silence was.
In truth, this wasn’t the first time these words had been uttered. A mere three or four months into what Trixie defined as “their relationship” (in her own terms - when Starlight began taking her to places alone, and giving her ‘those looks’), Trixie had given it an honest try. It was a better try than one might expect, spoken atop a skyscraper in Manehattan as the clock struck midnight of the last day of the year. Unfortunately for her, the response was completely ambiguous. Starlight had told her moments later that she hadn’t heard what she had said.
She was paranoid ever since that day.
What really happened on that rooftop, she thought? Did she really not hear? Or was there a worse possibility - did she hear her just fine, but not respond? Why would she not respond? Why wouldn’t she say yes or no? What reason would a pony have to not respond to a question like that? Was it a “maybe”? Was it a “yes, but not now”?
Was it a “no, but I’m still getting something out of you and don’t want to break your heart?”
She had spent the last five years having her mind almost completely taken over from fear of the latter.
Use me, she thought. Use me, I don’t care. Just let me be with you.
Can’t let her know.
Gotta be sneaky.
Five years. Five long, agonizing years of waiting, expecting, serving, worrying, eating, sleeping, discovering, speaking, arguing, watching, laughing, hurting, crying, climbing, rocking, cooking.
Fencing.
Whispers of discussions, here and there.
“Hey Starlight. What’s your favorite type of mare?”
“Do you like the ones who laugh with blue hair?”
Always getting hit with that thousand year stare.
Fencing.
Don’t talk about the issue. Don’t reach a conclusion.
If you care about someone that much - you’ll lose them.
Just fence the discussion and give it all up -
She just couldn’t understate this part enough
“Trixie,” Starlight finally spoke in the present.
“SAVE IT!” shrieked Trixie, rather suddenly., “I already know what you’re going to say!”
“Y…you do?” Starlight replied shakily, her eyelids fluttering. She stepped backwards a couple of steps.
“You don’t want to talk about it! AGAIN!” Trixie couldn’t contain herself. Her brain was racing. There was no going back from this.
“Because you can’t DECIDE! You can’t decide between me and….”
Trixie stopped for a moment, motioning her hoof around as if she seriously had trouble believing that Starlight could possibly love anyone else.
Oh yeah.
“Sunburst,” she growled, her face turning to a wicked smile and her voice getting louder at every word, “That’s it, isn’t it? You love him too. Don’t you?”
“But you LOVE me too! At least, I HOPE you do! But you don’t NEED me. So every time - every time I would bring this up, this is all you can do. It’s all you have, fencing the issue like this over and over again, because I’m not good enough for you!
“I love you too,” spoke Starlight, simply.
The following moment of silence was much shorter.
Trixie began sobbing a few moments later, unable to vocalize how incredible she felt right now. Her limbs were moving on their own - carrying her in a full-on sprint towards Starlight, happy as could be.
Damn, thought Starlight to herself, grimacing.
I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings.