Holidays: Months have passed since the incident, where Twilight Sparkle accidentally traveled to the human world infested with zombies, happened. After struggling for survival, along with the trio of humans, she finally returns back to Ponyville.
New adventures await for the cast of Call of Duty: Zombies in Ponyville during the Nightmare Night celebrations. Will they befriend everypony this time? Will Dempsey forgive Dash and AJ at last? Will Nikolai drink his vodka without being disturbed? What has Richtofen done during almost a year as a unicorn? Find out in the third settlement of the This Ain't Compendium series.
Note: The story will not update as new chapters, but as extensions of the unique chapter. More character tags will be added as the story progresses.
After hours of struggling, hard-thinking and standing her companions’ crude and dark humor, Twilight sparkle was close to complete the riddle and escape at last. As she was running through the base’s tunnel while holding a golden rod and a Druganov sniper rifle at the same time with her magic, the others were following her and shooting down the undead that dared to get close to them.
“So much fucking running, this is no fun”, Nikolai said while holding an FN FAL semi automatic rifle with his right hand and a bottle with his left hand.
“Keep your mouth shut for once, Nikolai”, the violet unicorn replied upset and with stress, “be grateful I’m saving your lives, bunch of apes.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, fucking annoying horse.”
“You two shut the fuck up and keep killin’”, Dempsey interrupted as she shot a zombie’s head with his M16 rifle. “All right Twilight, what’s the next step?”
“I need to put this rod on the terminal that will give the mainframe enough power to get us out of here.”
“I might be wrong, but you start to speak rike Richtofen,” Takeo commented.
“Screw him”, she said while she was still trotting to the receiving bay after stabbing another zombie with a sickle, “I’ll make that son of a mare pay for sending me here.”
“Heh, son of a mare. Gotta remember that curse,” Dempsey smirked.
After she sighed at his reply, she stood in front of the sealed door that led to the base’s exterior. Since she was a unicorn, she couldn’t wear the Pressurized External Suit because it didn’t fit. She had to either hold her breath or cast an air bubble around her, but since Nikolai popped it once and almost choked, she preferred the first option.
“Why did we stop?” Nikolai asked and then said: “Not that I’m scared or anything, but those bastards are getting closer.”
The purple mane mare rolled her eyes, took a deep breath, held it and walked outside. The others put on their PES helmets and followed her.
“How come Princess Luna could stand this lack of oxygen?” she thought as her sight started to get blurry due to the lack of pressure. A moment later, she arrived at the desired destination and she could breathe again.
“Hey Twilight, guess what?” Dempsey said, “I’m outta gun juice. You better hurry up or those meat sacks will get us.”
“Not to worry, Dempsey!” Nikolai replied with a grin, “I still got plenty of vodka.”
“You rack disciprine, Russian dog,” Takeo said disappointed, “and this weapon has armost no burrets reft.”
“That’s what happens when you grab a small, rapid one”, Twilight replied sarcastically.
Nikolai laughed and then said mockingly, “that’s what she said, Tak. That’s what she said.”
“Okay, now you all shut up and let me think how to solve this, got that?” Twilight commanded as she was putting the rod on the computer’s terminal. She looked at the screen, smiled and then she used her magic to type on the computer’s keyboard.
“You heard the unicorn, now kill those freak sacks!” Dempsey said and then he pulled out his Commando assault rifle.
“If I run out of ammo, Dempsey, then I’ll have to kill them with my breath.” Nikolai said before taking a swig of his bottle.
“I wourd say banzai, but Takeo is no criché”, the Japanese said while pulling out his katana sword.
As the trio of humans was fending off the undead, Twilight’s smile was getting wider as she was hacking the terminal with ease thanks to her magic. Moments later, she yelled with a mischievous smile: “Yes, yes! It’s finally done!” she turned to her companions and said before running to the mainframe: “Time to get out of here!”
“Great, more running”, the drunken Russian mumbled, “I knew I had to drink the stamin-up-thingy.”
“I wonder where she wirr read us to,” Takeo said while ignoring Nikolai.
“Isn’t it obvious, Tak?” Dempsey replied, “She wanted to go home, guess we’ll be back at her...” he stood silent for a moment and then yelled: “Damn fucking shit, the rapists will recognize me!”
“Cheer up, Dempsey”, Nikolai took a swig from his bottle, trying to not to drop it while running, “at least we had good time, no?”
“At reast Ponyvirre has more honor than Russia”, Takeo said.
“Says the yellow horse’s pet.”
“Shut the hell up, god damnit!” Dempsey interrupted them and then turned to Twilight: “very well, unicorn. You better have an idea when we arrive to your fucking world again or else I will kick your ass!”
“Do you think I’m stupid?” the violet unicorn asked upset.
“Yes.” Nikolai interrupted, “blue comrade is smarter.”
“Who?” the American asked.
“Nevermind, Dempsey, nevermind.”
As the three humans and the unicorn were talking, they reached the door that lead to the base’s excavation zone, the place where the mainframe is located. The violet unicorn held her breath, went outside and jumped on it. The trio of humans did the same. Then, a burst of rainbow colored lightning surrounded the platform.
“Still too gay for me,” Nikolai said while watching the rays.
“Reminds me of that blue rapist”, Dempsey shivered.
“Princess Celestia, your faithful student will soon return”, she grinned in relief and she said loudly before disappearing: “soon!”
The small and colorful town was very active that day. Everypony was making the preparations for one of the most important celebrations of the year: Nightmare Night. However, it wouldn’t be the same as the last one.
Edward Richtofen, as a green unicorn pony with the swastika as his cutie mark, managed to befriend the ponies and take Twilight’s place as the smartest unicorn in Ponyville. He was looking through the library’s balcony with a smirk.
“Those ponies remind me of the perfect race ze führer used to mention”, he grinned mischievously, “and their naiveness make them such easy targets for mein new master plan”.
He turned back inside and saw the pile of books beside the bed that belonged to Twilight. He took one with his magic and said: “the elements of harmony seem to be very powerful, but how will I be able to use them for my own purposes? If it wasn’t for ze Princess’ constant watch, I’d have those elements under mein control now”, he laughed loudly, “mein control!”
Suddenly, he heard the door being knocked and stopped laughing. He teleported to the door and opened it. After he saw nopony outside, he shrugged and closed the door. Then, the lights went out in the library.
“That stupid dragon again forgot to change the candles. How useless”, he approached to the first candle. While he was checking it, he noticed fog coming inside.
Although the place wasn’t totally dark because of the moon’s light, he still lighted the place with a beam of light on his horn. Then, he heard a demonic laugh behind him.
Richtofen couldn’t help but to smirk as memories came to his mind. He heard the sounds of steps coming from upstairs and turned his head there. After he spotted a silhouette, he proceeded to teleport close to it.
“Oh wunderbar. It’s been a while, mein minions”, he smiled and a bolt of lightning formed around his horn. With no warning, the pony looked at him with bright pink eyes and ran to him.
“Vhat the?” he said before he got tackled by her. Both looked each other for a second before the “undead” giggled and said:
“You are downed, Eddy! Game’s over!”
“Oh Pinkie, I should have suspected it was you”, the green unicorn said with a grin, “oh, nice outfit by the way. It brings me nostalgia.”
“It’s great, isn’t it?” she said excited, “I got all this from Rarity. Her costumes are the best.” She turned around and yelled: “Hey Rarity, prank’s over!”
Suddenly, the lights went on again and the door opened, letting the white unicorn enter. When there was lighter in the tree, Richtofen looked at both mares and grinned with admire after seeing their undead costumes.
Pinkie Pie had ketchup stains all over her body, her mane was flat, she was carrying a phonograph on her back, her pet alligator was biting her mane and her hooves were dusty.
Rarity, on the other hand, had a very special costume: although her right half was normal, her left half was painted and with dirty coat and mane; also, her left eye had a bright purple glow.
“Now those are nice costumes, erm...” the unicorn scratched his head, “but what are you supposed to be?”
“I’m supposed to be a psychotic serial killer who attracts zomponies with music.”
“Vhat?” he asked with confusion. She shrugged, looked at a wall, winked and said:
“Only he knows why”, she giggled and then walked out from the library.
“No matter how many times she does that, I will never get used to it”, he said and then turned to Rarity. “So, I guess you’re half a zombie and half a pony.”
“Actually,” she replied, “Pinkie Pie had the ideas behind all our costumes. Almost all of us are dressed like undead ponies.”
“So, you don’t really like the costume, don’t you?” He asked with a smirk.
“It was either this or wearing something that would make my body look swollen. It might be just a costume, but it was just too ugly for my taste.”
“Oh wunderbar. I guess Rainbow and Jackie have interesting costumes too.”
“Yeah... interesting”, Rarity said with hesitation. Suddenly, the pink pony appeared between them and said with happiness:
“Why are you still here?” she hugged both, “there’s a lot of candy tonight. We must get as much as possible!”
“Why?” the green unicorn asked.
“Because it’s free!” she grinned widely, took an empty container with the form of a pony skull and walked out the building again. Rarity and Richtofen followed her.
Outside, he saw the other ponies’ costumes: he was surprised at the extraordinary resemblance their mythology had with human’s mythology. Werewolves, scarecrows, undead ponies, famous ponies, vampires; there was a wide variety of costumes.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. With surprise and a bit scared, he turned back and saw a mint-colored pony. What surprised him was not the fact he didn’t see her being behind him, but her costume.
“Oh hello, erm...” he thought for a moment, trying to remember her name, “... Bon Bon?”
“It’s Lyra,” she grinned and looked at him with her amber eyes, “do you like my costume?”
“Vhat? Don’t tell me you’re dressed like a...”
“Human!” she said loudly as she showed him mechanical attachments on her front hooves: a bronze colored ring around the tip of her hoof with five extremities, resembling fingers.
“Where did you get mein invention!?” he asked almost upset.
“Uhm,” she rubbed her chin with the mechanical fingers, “Pinkie said you’d be glad to lend me those for a bit.”
“I did?” Pinkie asked, clearly lying.
“Pinkie, what did I tell you about snooping around mein work?”
“Oh, come on Eddy!” she put her hoof around him and then said with a grin: “you’re not going to be mad at me, right?”
“No matter, it just took me a whole month to build those”, the green unicorn said with sarcasm, “and also almost all of mein savings.”
Suddenly, they saw a bolt of a rainbow colored lightning being formed nearby. As most of the ponies ran away frightened; Richtofen and Pinkie Pie stood there. He grinned mischievously as he thought: “About time they finally arrived!” He laughed manically and headed towards the lightning.
“Werr, at reast there are no more zombies in here. This prace has honor!” Takeo finally said. The violet unicorn sighed at their behavior, a behavior she had to tolerate for hours, and said:
“Are you done with your stereotypical nonsense now?” The violet unicorn sighed, “if you want to go back to your own world, then go ask Richtofen.”
“I’m gonna kick your ass if you don’t help us get out of this fagtastic place,” the American pulled out his M1911 handgun, aimed at her and said, “I won’t be raped by your fucking friends again!”
“You were what!?” The violet unicorn said slightly shocked.
“At least they were gentle, no?” Nikolai said, trying to comfort Dempsey.
Suddenly, they heard a nearby bush being shaken. The quartet turned back and saw a filly coming out of it and getting closer to them. However, since it was Nightmare Night, he was carrying a costume: an undead costume.
“Ohoho! There are zombies after arr.”
“A zombie that is also a small horse...” Nikolai replied, “...I knew vodka and zero gravity wasn’t good combo.”
“Neat, more dummy targets!” He stopped aiming at the violet unicorn and aimed at the filly, he smiled and said: “Eat lead, maggot whore.”
“Wait!” Twilight said immediately after she saw the “undead” was just a filly. When she noticed the American wouldn’t stop, she used her magic to move his hand slightly to the left.
After Dempsey pulled the trigger and the shot was heard, his smile faded and said upset: “Damn, I missed.” Then, he saw the filly looking at the hole formed by the shot with horror and then she ran away, crying and being scared.
“You dumb human!” Twilight said as she took the gun off from his hands, “that wasn’t a zombie at all; that was a filly dressed like one.”
“Why the hell would they do that?” Nikolai asked.
“Unless those pon-bitches celebrate Halloween, then I guess it’s because they’re retarded.” The American replied to his partner.
“It’s called Nightmare Night, you stupid sack of meat,” a voice said from a distance. It was Richtofen; he, along with Pinkie Pie, was walking to the quartet as he kept speaking: “Oh, and hello everypony and everyone.”
“Who’s that unicorn?” Twilight asked.
“It’s a shame you don’t remember me!” He replied while faking happiness, “even though you left me here, trapped in your colorful world that somehow always smells like cotton candy.”
“That voice sounds famiriar”, Takeo interrupted, “but my eyes are terring me otherwise.”
“Yo Tak, I say the same”, Dempsey replied, “I could swear he sounds exactly like Dicktofen.”
“I see ze monkey is less stupid than before, oh well”, he turned back to the pink mare and said: “Pinkamena, you know what to do.”
“Yes, indeedy!” He took a deep breath while she grabbed a piano out of nowhere and began to sing with Richtofen:
“Welcome back, welcome back; we’re happy you’re all here,
Welcome back, welcome back; it’s been almost a year,
We’ve been missing you; we’ve been expecting you.
And you know what that means!”
Richtofen gasped and then sang with high pitched tone:
“Mein life has been changed, oh ja, for better I would say
Ze pwetty ponies are all fun, with their silly faces and their plot!”
“What?” Dempsey asked disgusted. Then, the pink mare kept singing.
“Welcome back, welcome back; we’re happy you’re all here.
Welcome back, welcome back; especially Eddy and me!”
“Am I dreaming or is a horse Richtofen singing in front of me?” Nikolai asked before the green unicorn teleported next to him, put a hoof on his shoulder as he was standing on his hind hooves and kept singing:
“Oh, Nikolai, Let me explain: You all left me on my own fate
But don’t worry, I don’t mind, ‘cause here I met my male
Belinski is your last name. Ohoho, and drinking vodka is your game!
Even though you’re communist, which is lame, you’re still mein mate.”
“Pinkie Pie, what do you think you’re doing?” Twilight asked slightly annoyed. As a response, the pink pony started to bounce around her while she was still singing:
“Hello, Twi, how’s it going? And what’cha mean by what I’m doing?
Don’t be silly, as I’m singing, with my friendly friendo Eddy.
And what ‘bout you? You’re all dusty and dirty.
Were you fighting, or were you flirting?”
“Oh nice,” Dempsey said with a grin, “That pink pony with phsyco costume seems fun.” Richtofen heard him, teleported in front of him and kept singing as he saluted the American:
“Welcome back, welcome back; I’m happy you are here
Welcome back, welcome back; even though you’re a sack of shit
I was expecting you to die. No matter, at least mein minions tried
The only thing that cheers me up as that in Ponyville you will be fucked up!”
“Fucked up?” Takeo asked confused, “are you trying to terr us something, or are you just using random words to rhyme?” Richtofen turned back to him, grinned and sang as he approached to the Japanese with his horn glowing.
“Oh Takeo, thanks for asking, as I’m running out of words for rhyming
You surely noticed I ain’t a human, but a unicorn in fact
What I haven’t told you is: Between me and ze Princess there’s a pact
You will stop being humans. Ohoho! You’ll become ponies to be exact”
“Your rhyming skill sucks and you suck, Richtofen”, Twilight said upset.
“Wait, did he just said something about us becoming po...” Dempsey was asking before he that the green unicorn’s horn was glowing intensively while he was grinning. “Holy shit, take cover!” He yelled and then he tried to run away.
“Silly Dempsey, you can’t escape from ze doctor!” Richtofen replied and then he shot a magical beam towards the American, hitting him on his knee. “Wunderbar, who’s next?”
“The hay are you doing, Richtofen?” Twilight asked furiously, “Why are you turning them into ponies?”
“Ask Princess Luna.”
“What?” Before she could ask anything else, Richtofen shot a second beam at Nikolai.
“Fuck, this is definitely eighth worst day for Nikolai!” the Russian thought as he fell to the grass because of the hit, “first seven were getting married with ex-wives.”
“Two down”, the green unicorn said with a smirk as he turned back to Takeo, “one left.”
“And I thought you had honor, Richtofen. I am disappointed.”
“I can live with that”, he replied and then shot for the third time, this time towards the Japanese. After Takeo got hit and fell to the grass, Richtofen giggled and said to Pinkie: “Thanks for the help, Pinkamena.”
“You’re very welcome!” She replied with a wide grin. Suddenly, she saw Twilight was running fast to him and all she could do was to ask: “hey Twi, what’cha doing?” After the violet unicorn tackled him and stood on him. The pink mare then said: “Oh, you know how to play the zombie game too? Heh, he’s downed again!”
Twilight just glared at her for an instant with a glimpse of anger before turning back to the green unicorn. While she was breathing heavily, she asked to him as her horn started to glow: “What are you up to this time? Tell me!”
“Vhat makes you think this is part of mein plan?” He replied with a sarcastic smile, “do you think I care about these apes? As I mentioned, and I quote meinself, go ask Princess Luna.”
“Likely story.”
“You don’t trust me? Ich don’t really care, but I’m telling you the truth and nothing more.”
“Really?” She replied reluctantly, “then what is her reason for doing that?”
“To have fun, mess up with them, do dirty things; I don’t know. She never said why, but she commanded me to do that or I’d end up banished in some place worse than being surrounded by Jews.”
“Oh, for goodness’ sake,” the violet unicorn said and her horn’s glow grew more intense, “I fought against a massive horde of zombies on the Moon and that happened because of you, Edward!”
“Du touched the teleporter, meddling mare”, the green unicorn said annoyed, “and you ruined mein plans! If somepony should be upset, then it’d be me and not you.”
“I swear to Celestia I’ll make you pay, understand!?” She yelled and then stood away from him. She then turned back to the other humans and noticed their transformation was complete.
“Neat-o!” Pinkie Pie said excited as she approached to Dempsey and helped him to stand up. She giggled and said: “Seems like Dempsey turned into...” she got a pair of sunglasses out of nowhere and then said, “... a flying Tank.”
“The hell do you mean?” He replied after he shook his head. “And one does not simply use quotes like that!” He said loudly as he pointed at her. He then noticed he had a hoof instead of his hand.
“Hey, don’t worry!” the pink mare said as she began to bounce around him, “it’s not bad to be a white Pegasus with yellow mane...” She suddenly stopped for a moment, put a hoof on her chin and finally said: “...wait, that sounded awfully familiar.”
“At least I’m still a white motherfucking American”, he couldn’t help but to grin and then said: “wonder what my mark is”. He then turned around, looked at his cutie mark and said with happiness: “fuck yeah! Stars and stripes all the way, baby!”
Meanwhile, Richtofen approached to Nikolai. He stood next to him and said with a grin: “wake up, mein Russian pony. Nap time’s over!”
“What the fuck just happened?” He mumbled as he tried to stand up in his hind legs and fell. “Ouch! Damn vodka made me feel dizzy again.” He looked back at the green unicorn and said upset: “well, are you going to help me stand up or what?”
“Oh ja”, he replied as he helped Nikolai to stand up. The once German giggled and said: “you will enjoy your kleine pony life, Nikolai. Aren’t you excited?”
“Pony? Pony!?” The Russian replied highly confused. He then looked at himself and noticed his blue coat. “Waait a fucking second... where are my clothes?”
“You don’t need them, Nikolai”, Richtofen said with a grin, “it’s ironic how ze ponies don’t wear clothes unless they’re fancy or kinky...” He gasped and said with a high pitched tone: “...kinky!”
“Well, at least I won’t have to worry about messing up trousers”, he sighed and put his hoof on his forehead to clean the sweat on it. However, he suddenly stopped when he felt a protuberance. “The hell am I touching?”
Richtofen giggled and said: “since you’re the only one ich don’t hate, then I turned you into a pwetty unicorn, just like me!” After Nikolai looked back at him, he grinned mockingly and said: “and for some weird reason you now have navy blue coat and brown mane. Heh, equine genetics are very weird sometimes.”
“Too much information I don’t care about. I need a drink”, he looked around and noticed his backpack was missing. “Wait, where’s my vodka!?”
“Erm, about that...” the German hesitated, “...since that drink caused most of our troubles least time you were here, then Princess Luna forbid it all over Equestria.”
“What!?”
“But cheer up!” He said mockingly, “you could use ze magicks to make one appear from nowhere”, he grinned and thought: “after training for a whole year to cast something.”
“That’s brilliant!” Nikolai replied. Then, he closed his eyes, frowned and thought about a bottle of the alcoholic drink.
“Ich really like to se...” Richtofen was talking when he saw how, and all of a sudden, a full bottle was casted in front of the blue unicorn. “...How the heck did you do that!?” He asked surprised.
“You said how,” he replied as he opened the bottle magically and took a swig of its contents. “Wait a second...” he glared at his bottle for a moment, screamed like a girl and dropped it. “Why was it floating?” He looked back at Richtofen and noticed the German put a hoof on her head.
While Pinkie Pie was with Dempsey; and Richtofen was with Nikolai; Twilight walked towards Takeo. She stood in front of him and offered him a hoof.
“Come on, get up”, she said calmed. “You’re the only one that is not insane or drunk.”
“Erm, thanks?” He replied as he grabbed her hoof and stood up. He looked at himself and noticed he was an equine. “This is not what you pranned, Twiright.”
“I know, but Richtofen had to get into this”, she replied, “at least no one, I mean nopony was harmed.” He looked back at him and smiled slightly. “You will never escape from the stereotype, isn’t it?”
“What do you mean?” He replied. She pointed at his coat and said:
“Yellow coat, short black mane, a rising Sun as your cutie mark and the first pony I met with smaller eyes. I’m sure Richtofen did this on purpose.”
“Yerrow coat?” He couldn’t help but to smile in irony. “Just rike Miss Fruttershy’s coror. I don’t feer so unhonored now.”
“Speaking of which...” She turned around and said before she started to walk away: “...I must go meet my friends before anything else.”
“I’rr go with you. I don’t rearry want to stay crose to them, especiarry the Russian dog.” He followed her as she turned back briefly to him and just nodded.
Meanwhile, the pink mare and the white Pegasus were already walking towards the village. As she was bouncing in happiness, he was trying to flutter his wings.
“Hey Dempsey!” She said with her natural tone of over activeness.
“What is it?” He replied slightly serious while still trying to flutter his wings and lift himself up.
“I’m sure we’ll have tons of fun together!” She giggled, “I’ve never met a wall breaker before. Imagine what we could do together!”
“Yeah, right”, he replied reluctantly, “about that: you still need t’learn some things, pony. I’ve been in this business for more time than you.”
“What’cha talkin’ ‘bout?” She replied confused.
“See what I mean? If you quote too much, then you’ll get annoying instead of funny.”
“Okey doki loki!” She grinned at him, noticed he couldn’t lift himself up and giggled. “Silly dempsey, it’s not that easy to fly!” She wrapped a hoof around his neck, “y’know, maybe Dashie could help ya...”
“Woah, woah, woah!” He stood back from her, “Don’t mention that slut again...” He sighed, “...I’d rather learn by myself.”
“Oookay”, Pinkie replied awkwardly, “maybe Fluttershy could help you if you want.”
“Now we’re talking. Sounds like a neat plan,” he grinned and then looked back at the town while both were crossing the bridge. “Oh damn.”
“What is it, Dempsey?”
“I forgot it’s fiesta time and I have no fucking costume. I’ll look like a friggin’ freak”, he replied as he pointed at himself.
“Not a problem!” She ran back and returned in a blink of an eye, she was carrying a Wonderbolt costume. She then handed it to him and said with a grin: “here, you can use this!”
“The fuck is this shit?” He replied while he was looking at it. “’S it a superhero costume?”
“Nu-uh, silly!” She giggled, “It’s a wonderbolt costume!”
“A Wonder what?”
“Y’know, the fastest fliers in Equestria. Dashie really admires them.”
“I don’t fucking ca...” He was replying upset when he stopped for a moment and said: “Wait, that rainbowish bitch admires ‘em?”
“Erm, I don’t like the way you refer to her, but yes!” He began to giggle mischievously and then it turned into an evil laugh. Pinkie looked at him, shrugged and then began to laugh with him. When both stopped, she asked: “why were we laughing?”
He patted her mane while he grabbed the costume and said: “’cause I’m gonna pull a fuckin’ amazing prank, Pinkie. Now if you excuse me...” He put the mask on and said: “seems like this fiesta will be tons of fun...” He then thought: “and make that bitch pay again.”
“Oh, I love pranks!” the pink mare said with her usual grin, “we could pull it out together!”
“Only if you promise to not to screw it up.”
“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” She replied as she poked her eye with her hoof.
“Damn, you’re more random than Nikolai,” he grinned, “okay then, let’s go.”
The downtown had much more activity than other places of the small village: as fillies were trotting from house to house, asking for candy, other ponies were participating in the folkloric games available for anypony on the streets. On the kiosk, located in front of the townshall, there was a renowned symphonic group of four ponies playing subtle tunes to liven up the atmosphere.
Meanwhile, a bolt of green lightning formed near the small building, spawning a couple of unicorns shortly after. As Nikolai was looking around and remembering the last time he was here, Richtofen giggled with enthusiasm and said:
“Here we are, Nik. Feel free to join ze celebrations.”
“Celebration?” He asked confused as he was still looking around, “what kind of fucked up celebration involves horses dressing up like capitalist monsters?” He stood silent for a moment, “not that is exactly normal to be a talking horse with horn or wings, though.”
“Silly Nikolai. No matter”, he grinned and said: “I shall show you the wonders of this place!”
“Just show me where I can drink without being disturbed by any horse.” He replied slightly annoyed.
“Sure! But first...” The green unicorn didn’t finish his sentence. He gasped when he spotted a stallion with light gold coat, bright yellow with bright amber mane and bright pistachio colored eyes. He grinned and said loudly as he approached to him: “Burny, what took you so long?”
“Howdy, doc!” The earth pony replied with happiness. “Y’know ah keep mah promises no matter what.” He then spotted the blue unicorn and asked: “oh, hey there. Are ya new here? Ah don’t know ‘cause ah’m just visiting Ponyville!”
“The fuck is wrong with that horse?” Nikolai thought as he just glared at Braeburn. He then looked at Richtofen getting closer to him.
“I’ve been missing you, mein kleine stallion”, he said softly, “I’ve been missing you sooo much.” Suddenly, he kissed the stallion’s cheek.
“What the fuck!?” Nikolai said loudly. “I thought only couples did that kind of stuff.”
“Exactly”, Richtofen replied and he then said with a high pitch tone: “meet mein coltfriend. His name is Braeburn and he’s mein special somepony.”
“That’s, that’s...” He couldn’t replied because he felt startled, “That’s fucking disgusting, Richtofen! You’re supposed to be with woman, or horse, or woman horse!”
“Du don’t understand!” Richtofen replied, “nopony understands our love. Bunch of hypocrites!” He then proceeded to sob while he nuzzled on Braeburn’s mane.
“Shhh, it’s ‘kay doc,” the stallion replied, “no need t’feel sad, ‘kay?” He then turned back to Nikolai and said: “Are ya happy now, unicorn? Ya just made the doc sad.”
“It’s always the same thing”, Richtofen complemented with a tear in his eye, “if two mares say they’re together, everypony accepts. But when two colts say the same, everypony seem to be disgusted.”
Nikolai sighed at their words and said: “I don’t really give a fuck. I need a fucking drink.” He then turned around and walked away from them.
“Erm, who was him?” Braeburn asked confused.
“Someon... Somepony Ich used to consider a friend.” He cleared the tears from his face, tried to smile and said: “Hey, I think we should forget that little incident. Come on, Brae, the night is still young.” He then giggled as he grabbed the stallion’s hoof.
Twilight Sparkle, along with Takeo, arrived to a small cottage located on the border between Ponyville and the Everfree Forest. The yellow Pegasus couldn’t help but to grin as he was remembering the last time he was there; meanwhile, the violet unicorn seemed happy as she approached to the cottage’s main door.
“This prace brings me honorabre memories”, Takeo said with a grin, “werr, most of them are honorabre, but you know what I mean.”
“You really seem to have liked the time you spent with Shy, isn’t it?” Twilight asked him after turning back to him and looking at him estranged.
“That is true. That yerrow Pegasus is the most honorabre pony I’ve met”, he looked back at her, “erm, you too are honorabre.” The violet unicorn snickered, looked back at the door and knocked on it twice with her front hoof.
“Not trying to be rude, Takeo, but,” she lastly said, “try to use other words to describe something besides honorable or unhonorable.”
“Don’t give me order...” He was replying when suddenly, the door opened frantically and let a yellow Pegasus to come out while holding a fake chainsaw and wearing a hockey mask.
“What did I tell you about knocking on my door, you fillies?” The yellow mare said. She couldn’t see she was referring to her violet friend; the mask had no holes to see through it.
“Hory opera!” Takeo said loudly as he, along with Twilight, stepped back.
“Fluttershy, it’s me, Twilight!” The unicorn said to her friend as she tried to stay out of the weapon’s reach.
“Twi...Twilight?” Fluttershy replied softly. She let the fake weapon drop and she took off her mask. After seeing Twilight, she grinned widely and hugged her tightly. “Oh my, it is you! We’ve been missing you so much!”
“Me too, Shy”, she hugged her friend back and tried to giggle, “Even though it lasted for less than a day for me.”
“So... what about the others? Are they in their homes now?”
“Well, about that...” She hesitated for a moment, but then she looked back at Takeo, “...There’s something I must tell you, Fluttershy.”
“Oh, did they got hurt?” The yellow Pegasus said worried.
“Not at arr, Miss Fruttershy.” The yellow stallion got closer to her, “It is nice to meet you again, honorabre Pegasus.”
“Uh?” She looked back at him. Though his voice sounded very familiar to her, she was still confused. “I’m sorry mister, but who are you?”
“About that, Fluttershy”, Twilight stopped hugging her friend, got closer to Takeo and put a hoof on his shoulder, “Do you remember a Japanese human named Takeo?”
“Takeo!?” She asked startled, “but how...”
“It was Richtofen,” Twilight interrupted her. “He said something about turning them into ponies because Princess Luna ordered him to. Do you...”
“Takeo!” She didn’t wait for her friend to finish talking; instead, she ran straight to the Pegasus and hugged him briefly. Then, she stopped hugged him and looked back, blushing slightly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you again.”
“Not a probrem, Miss Fruttershy”, he replied awkwardly.
“Ahem!” Twilight got closer to her. “So, Fluttershy, do you know something about Richtofen and Princess Luna I should know?”
“Uh? Oh...” The yellow mare grinned, “Richtofen is a nice unicorn when you get to know him. He is smart like you, he is magical like you, he is...” She stopped talking when she noticed her friend looking upset. “Oh, I’m sorry again.”
“Don’t worry, Fluttershy”, Twilight said while trying to keep herself calm, “and what about Princess Luna.”
“She told us to look after him as much as we could.”
“Why?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t know. But I’m sure somepony else knows why.”
“Wonderful! What’s his or her name, Shy?”
The Pegasus grinned as she felt happy to be able to help her friend, and said: “Pinkie Pie.”
“Seriously”, Twilight’s grin faded away.
“Is there... Is there something wrong?” Fluttershy asked worried.
“She was present when Richtofen turned us arr into ponies”, Takeo interrupted. “Insorent mare seemed to enjoy it. She even sang a song.”
“Really? Oh my, about that.” Fluttershy hesitated again, looked around and said with a more quiet tone. “She spends too much time with him. I think both have a strong bond... Erm, I’m scared when they talk about things I never heard about.”
“Okay then...” Twilight thought for a moment, “then I guess I’ll go pay her a visit.” *she looked back at Takeo and said: “Are you going with me, Takeo? I don’t want to speak with Richtofen if he’s with her.”
“I wirr go in a few moments, Twiright”, Takeo replied, “but before, I wirr be here meanwhire with Miss Fruttershy if she doesn’t mind.” She looked back at the yellow mare and finally said: “You don’t mind, right?”
“Oh, of course not, Mister Takeo”, she cutely smiled. Twilight rolled her eyes at their behavior.
“Very well then. I’ll be looking for Pinkie Pie. Knowing her, she must be asking for candy”, Twilight said and then she teleported away.
The blue Pegasus was looking at herself with the help of a mirror, she was in her house and getting ready for the spooky night. She was wearing an undead costume: her mane was a mess, her coat was dusty and with stains of fake blood, she had gloves on her hooves that made them look like bare bones, her eyes had a faint blue glow thanks to the magical contact lens she was wearing, and she also had a device that looked like a collar around her neck.
“Heh, this costume looks fantastic”, she said with a grin while she was pouring some more fake blood on her chest, “I wonder where Pinkie got the idea of a flying shrieking zombie.” She looked at herself very carefully and then grinned more widely: “those fillies are gonna be scared when they see me landing behind them.”
Suddenly, she heard the door being knocked constantly. She turned around and, while being confused, went to open it. “That’s weird, who could be at this time?” She opened the door and saw her friend Pinkie Pie. The pink mare was using Twilight’s balloon.
“Heya, Dashie!” She said with a wide grin. “What’s taking you so long? The night’s already started!”
“Heh, I know, Pinkie,” she snickered and said: “Nice costume, pal.”
“Likewise, Dashie!” She giggled. “Oh, and I got a very nice surprise for you!”
“Really?” She asked while she closed the door and unfolded her wings, “a nice surprise or another “oh look, zombies are invading us!” type of surprise?”
“Well, there’s somepony looking for you”, she gasped and said: “A Wonderbolt!”
“Really!?” Dash couldn’t help but to feel excited. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go!” She didn’t wait for her friend to answer and flew away.
“Hey, wait for me!” Pinkie yelled while she began to descend. When she was sure Dash was far enough, she mumbled: “step one complete. Tee hee, you owe me a bottle of peanut butter and jelly, Tankie. Am I right, Gummy?” She looked back and patted his alligator pet that was biting her flat mane. “Yep, I’m so right I can’t be wrong.”
The door frantically opened after Nikolai kicked it. He then entered, looked around and grinned. Meanwhile, everypony else looked back at him, confused or even annoyed at the way he entered the building. For a moment, the building was in total silence; even the pony that was playing the piano stopped and glared at the navy blue unicorn. Suddenly, Nikolai grinned and said: “merry christmas, fucking comrades.”
While the ponies looked at him with even more confusion, he just casted a bottle filled with vodka and walked to one of the empty chairs. After drinking almost a quarter of the bottle, he sat on one of them, causing even more confusion to the ponies that were still looking at him: he wasn’t sitting in an ordinary way; he leaned against his back and had his front hooves on the table.
Suddenly, he noticed somepony else sat next to him the exact same way. At first Nikolai didn’t care, he was just drinking from his bottle. However, he began to feel disturbed after he was being looked at constantly. He finally turned right and said: “The fuck you are looking at?”
The other pony, a mint colored coat and amber eyes unicorn, grinned widely and extended her hoof: “hey there, my name’s Lyra Heartstrings!”
“So what?” He asked drily.
“Well,” she giggled and pointed at him, “I didn’t know you liked to sit like that:” She pointed back at herself: “I do it every time! Although some ponies don’t seem to like it.”
“How fucking interesting...” Nikolai answered sarcastically, “but I don’t...”
“What’s your name? Do you live in Ponyville too?” The mint mare asked, interrupting him, “Do you know about humans?” She finally asked with a grin on her face.
“The fuck is wrong with you?” He mumbled. He tried to ignore her and keep drinking his favorite drink, but the mare’s pressing glare was too much for him. He finally turned back to her and asked upset: “The fuck do you want?”
“Chat!” She suddenly showed him the mechanical hands she had on her front hooves. “Do you like ‘em? I love ‘em!”
“Woah, what the fuck?” He stood back and then asked: “how did you got these creepy hands?”
“I knew you know about hands”, she answered teasingly, “tell me, are you one of Edward’s friends?”
“Richtofen?” He grunted and mumbled: “fucking bastard turned me into horny horse.”
“Turned you?” She asked confused.
“I used to be a human, but then I took a shot to the back,” he answered. He then widened his eyes and realized his mistake. “Well, fuck...”
“You mean you’re a human!?” she asked with a wide grin on her face. “Gosh, I knew humans existed. I always wanted to be friends with one.”
“Why is that weirdest horse always gets close to Nikolai?” He thought, “think, Nikolai, how will you be able to get rid of her?”
Suddenly, another female voice was heard, making both unicorns to turn around to her. “Lyra, where have you been?” She asked. Her pale cream coat, dark blue with pink mane, cyan eyes and the cutie mark of three wrapped pieces of candy made the cyan unicorn recognize her quickly.
“Bon Bon!” She said with enthusiasm. “Guess what?”
“What is it now?” the earth pony answered with a serious glimpse.
“I finally have a P.H.B.F.F.!” She answered while wrapping her arm around Nikolai.
“A what?” Bon Bon raised an eyebrow, “have you been drinking Dragon Sweat again?”
“Nope...well, a little.” She pointed at the blue unicorn. “I mean Pony-Human Best Friend Forever!” she then giggled.
“Seriously”, Nikolai and Bon Bon replied at the same time. Lyra nodded her head quickly. The earth pony sighed and looked at Nikolai.
“Please excuse her obsessive enthusiasm over these creatures called humans”, the pale cream colored mare said to the Russian pony, “since that party incident, she wants to be like them in every way...” She sighed, “...in every single way.”
“I was about to leave anyway”, he replied while he was standing up, “So I don’t give a shit about all this.” He took his bottle with his magic and walked away.
“Mmph, I haven’t seen that unicorn before. Isn’t it, Lyra?” Bon Bon said and waited for an answer. “Lyra?” He turned around and noticed she was gone. The pale cream earth pony grunted and said: “I sometimes wonder why I hang out with her”. She then walked outside to look for her.
Meanwhile, the navy blue unicorn was walking down the streets of Ponyville, looking around in search of another quiet place. “That horse almost ruined my day”, he was mumbling, “Good thing her horse friend stopped her. God, I’m starting to dislike those talking horses.”
“What’s a horse? I only know ‘bout ponies...”
“They’re the same...” He suddenly stopped and looked to his right. After he noticed Lyra was next to him, he said: “Stop following me.”
“...Why?” She shrugged, “I just wanna spend some time with a pony-human.”
“But I don’t want to spend time with you.”
“Wait. You’re Nikolai, right?” She suddenly said with a grin.
“Well... yes.” He replied awkwardly.
“What if I told you there’s a drink much more tasty than vodka?”
“Heresy!” He replied upset and took another swig from his bottle. “Vodka is best drink.”
“Oh, but have you ever tried...” She got closer to him and whispered to his ear: “...Moon Shine?”
“The hell is that?” He replied upset, but with curiosity.
“A magical and rare drink that only the richest and royal ponies have access.” She giggled, “but I managed to get a bottle of it a while ago.”
“You have?” He said reluctantly, “I feel like you’re lying.”
“Nope, come with me and you’ll see it’s true.” She then grabbed his hoof tightly.
“Are you trying to come on to me?” He replied disgusted.
“Me? Heh, nah, not at all,” she said as she started to trot to her home while holding his hoof, forcing him to follow her.
“Well, Nikolai, you just got in weird trouble again,” he thought, “as long as she doesn’t do the same thing purple horse did, then it’s okay.”
The rainbow colored mane Pegasus landed on a house’s roof and, losing no time, looked around the streets in search of the “Wonderbolt” her pink friend mentioned. No more than ten seconds passed before she started to feel impatient. She sighed in disappointment and mumbled: “guess that Pinkie pulled me another prank after all.” When she turned around, she couldn’t help but to grin widely after spotting the Pegasus with the wonderbolt costume behind her.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!” She said in excitement as she was squeaking like a fanmare. She then got close to him, almost being face to face and then said: “Heya! My name’s Dash, Rainbow Dash!” She then extended her “bone” hoof.
“Well, well, well”, Dempsey said with a grin, trying not to laugh at the blue Pegasus’ excitement, “seems like you seem t’love zombies, don’t ya?” He looked at the costume she was wearing and thought: “damn, she looks very similar to a shrieker maggot whore. Can’t tell if this is just coincidence, or just another shameless ad put by da fuckin’ writer. Son of a...”
“So, what brings ya here?” Dash asked while still grinning and extending her hoof. “I’ve never seen you before, especially during these celebrations.” She kept looking at him with curiosity; she used to think that the Wonderbolt with golden mane was a mare and not a stallion. “So, what’s your name, pal?”
“My name?” He replied slightly nervous, “well, my name is Dem...” He stopped for a moment, “I mean Steven. Yeah...Steven.” He grinned awkwardly as he thought: “fuckin’ original name, she ain’t gonna believe that.”
“Well, nice to meet ya, Steven”, she shook her hoof with his.
“Damn, she actually did. Heh, good job Dempsey. Oorah.” He thought.
“So...” She unfolded her wings, “wanna race with me? It’d be rad to race with one of the fastest ponies in Equestria.”
“What?”
“Yeah, a quick race before, y’know, hangin’ out.”
“Well...” He looked back at his wings and unfolded them. As he looked back at her, he thought: “fuckin’ Pinkie never said that. Damn it, I dunno how to fly!”
“So?” She grinned with confidence, “something wrong, Steven?”
“No, no, erm...” he looked back at his wings again, “ I can’t because... erm... my wings hurt a little.”
“Heh, nice joke”, she got closer to him and touched his wings. “They seem fine to me.”
“Woah”, he couldn’t help but to feel a little aroused after his wings got touched. As he stood back from her instinctively, he thought: “why the hell did I feel odd?”
“Something wrong?” The blue Pegasus asked with curiosity, breaking his train of thought.
“Do not touch ‘em again, you sl...” He hesitated for a moment and quickly said: “...I mean, Dash.”
“Fiiine!” She replied as she stood behind him and began to push him. “C’mon, Steve, don’t chicken out and race with me.”
“Chicken out?” He unfolded his wings completely and said with a burst of courage. “Nopony calls me a chicken and gets away with it!” He pointed to his left and said: “A quick race to that fancy-looking building.”
“Now we’re talking!” She said and then she stood next to him. “On three: One, two, three!” She quickly unfolded her wings, fluttered them and flew with great speed to Carousel boutique.
“Fuck, she’s fast!” Dempsey thought, “Okay Dempsey, you can do it, no big deal. It must be as easy as piloting a plane.” He fluttered his wings as fast as he could. “I can make it, I can make it!” He was cheering himself up and then he jumped off the roof. At first he managed to hover for a brief moment in the air, but he began to fall down after a couple of seconds.
“Fffuuuu!...” He yelled while he was falling down. When he crushed on the floor, he lifted up his head and spat the grass that got into his mouth. “... This fucking sucks!” He thought and then began to stand up slowly. Suddenly, he felt a hoof on his front leg, helping him to stand up. He sighed and looked back at the pony who helped him. “Heh, thanks, ma’am.”
“Do not worry”, she answered. She had gray coat, dark gray mane, grayish purple eyes and the cutie mark of a treble clef. Also, she was wearing a scarecrow costume. “That impact seemed hard. Are you okay?”
“Yep. Nothing a good ol’ can of beer can’t fix”, he answered with a smirk while dusting off his costume. “My name’s Dem... Steven, what’s yours?”
“What a delightful name, Steven. My name is Octavia.” She said with a slight grin.
“Octavia? Cool name”, he nodded, “gotta name my next daughter like that.”
She couldn’t help but to giggle delightfully at his commentary and said: “I have never seen a Wonderbolt visiting Ponyville before.”
“Heh, me neither”, he answered with awkwardness. He then thought: “Oh my god, this pony’s pretty!... wait, the hell I just thought?” He frowned while still thinking: “’s this some kind of shippin’, fucker? ‘Cause I don’t agree.”
“Is there something wrong?” the gray earth pony asked. He looked back at her eyes and he felt his heartbeat going faster.
“Damn, she’s gorgeous, but she ain’t a woman. She speaks in fancy though... oh, for fuck’s sake, this shouldn’t be tough!.. Heh, a random rhyme.... focus, Dempsey!” He scratched the back of his head. “I still need t’pull that prank, but I’m havin’ a chance t’talk with this sweetness. If I’m gonna stay in this fuckin’ pony world for the rest of my fuckin’ life, better be with a fuckin’ pretty pony... wait, what?”
“Steven?”She tilted her head, still waiting for his answer. He was still looking at her eyes. For a moment, he noticed how her purple eyes heighten the beauty of her delicate face; he looked at her delicate, soft, long, black straight mane; and most of all, he thought the pink bow tie on the white collar, she was wearing on her neck, suited her in a way that could be described with a word: Perfection.
“Ahh screw this. First I meet her, then I prank that slut. Easy as pie, I can do both... Wonder what would my wife think ‘bout this. She’d surely say I’m a sick zoophile fuck,” he grinned, “what’s the worst that could happen anyway? I mean, couldn’t get worse than being raped by two lesbo pon-bitches.”
Suddenly, he reached out his hoof to her and asked: “wanna hang out with me, Octavia?” He smiled awkwardly as he thought: “too direct, Dempsey, too fuckin’ direct.”
“I do not know. I still have a performance on stage in an hour.”
“Performance?” He said while grinning more and thinking: “sounds like a table dance show.”
“I am the cello player of the royal symphony”, she said while still keeping her calm and fanciness, “and it would be a disaster if I arrive even a bit late.”
“Cello player? Wow, sounds cool.” He replied while he thought: “aww, there goes the wild night. What’s a cello?”
“Really?” He answered with a smile. He nodded and said:
“Yep, I like that classical music and all that shi.. I mean,stuff. So, will ya gimme the honor t’hang out with me?”
“Well...” she thought for a moment and looked at her watch. “I do not see any inconvenience. I accept your request, Sir Steven.” She then turned to her right and said: “let us go to the coffee shop, shall we?”
“’kay”, she answered and began to follow her, standing beside her. He grinned with a victorious glimpse and thought: “who’s da man? You’re da man, Dempsey.”
Richtofen and Braeburn were walking down the crowded streets of Ponyville while they were laughing and caressing each other’s coat. They didn’t seem to care the fact almost everypony was looking at them with disgust and disapproval. Even though their relationship was well known for a while now, the mere idea of two stallions being together was too much for most ponies, making them to stay away from the couple as long as they could.
“Hey, Doc!” Braeburn said with enthusiasm as he pointed at the barrel full with water and with apples in it. “Ah bet ya can’t catch more apples than me!”
“Silly Burny,” he replied with a wide grin, “ze doctor never loses.”
“Wanna bet?”
“Sounds interesting. What do you have in mind?”
“The winner gets a free sandwich.”
“Wunderbar! Let’s go then.” Both giggled and headed towards the barrel. When they reached it, Braeburn looked at the orange pony who was looking after the container and grinned widely.
“Hi, AJ!” He said with enthusiasm. “What’s yer dressin’ this year?”
She looked at both stallions and sighed before replying with lack of happiness: “howdy, Braeburn. Howdy, Edward. Ah’m dressed like a walker.”
“Walker sounds boring”, he replied, “oh, better be a zombie pony!”
“Or zompony”, Richtofen complemented.
“Heh, good one.”
The orange mare sighed and said: “so, ya came ‘ere t’try t’catch an apple or t’point at mah flaws?”
“Chill out, Jackie”, Richtofen answered. “We’re just joking as always. You know your cousin doesn’t come here everyday.”
“Ya mean yer coltfriend”, she replied with deep disappointment, “just get closer and give it a try. Be quick.”
“Ya don’t seem happy, AJ,” the earth pony said concerned, “why are ya upset?”
She just grunted and glared at him. “You know why, Braeburn. Don’t push yer luck”
“Mah luck?” He replied confused. He then felt a hoof on his shoulder and looked back at the green unicorn.
“Let’s just play, Burny. Seems like Miss Jackie is being grumpy”, he said with a mocking grin. Then, he got closer to the barrel, took a deep breath and, while holding it, moved his head in it.
“Go for it, Eddy!” Braeburn said with enthusiasm, trying to cheer his friend up. The orange mare just rolled her eyes and looked away. After a moment, Richtofen moved his head up again, gasping and with an apple in his mouth. “yay, y’are the best, Eddy!”
“Of course I am!, he replied while grinning and still holding the apple in his mouth. “Wanna ite it?” He asked as he moved closer to the earth pony and winked. Braeburn smiled widely, nodded fast and then bit the apple while both were looking at each other’s eyes.
“Oh, for the love of...” Applejack thought as she felt nausea and covered her mouth with her hoof. After both finished eating the apple, she just said with disgust: “are ya done now?”
“Not yet, ‘s mah turn now,” her cousin replied with a smile and moved closer to the barrel. “watch this, doc!” He said with happiness as he moved his head inside the barrel. Richtofen giggled and waited for his friend to get a second apple. Suddenly, he heard a voice close to him, calling his name:
“Edward”, he turned to his right and his smile faded after noticing who she was. “I’ve been looking for you. The speech’s almost beginning and I need a favor.”
“Mayor”, he said and sighed, “I thought it was mein free day.”
“I know,” she replied with a serious tone, “but Zecora, our story teller, is ill and we have nopony to fill her role.”
“I see”, he looked back at his companion, his head was still inside the barrel, “but ich can’t leave mein friend here.”
“Oh, I’m sure he will understand,” she grabbed the green unicorn’s hoof and said: “Come on, please do me the favor of replacing her.”
“I don’t know...”
“I’ll double your salary for the rest of the year.” She interrupted.
“Double?” He gasped and said with a high pitch tone, “double the pay means double the pleasure and double ze fun!” “Well... yes”, the Mayor replied awkwardly.
“But ze doctor can’t leave Burny alone,” he looked back at him and smiled slightly, “he’s mein coltfriend after all and Ich can only see him once in a while.”
The grayish amber mare sighed and said as she was starting to lose her patience: “Very well then. Bring him with you, but do not let him ruin the show.” She then pulled out a scroll with her mouth and put it on the grass. “There’s the script of the story you must tell. For the love of Celestia...” She leaned closer to him, glaring at his eyes with complete seriousness, “...Make sure it goes according to the program, no matter the cost.”
“Yes, ma’am”, he answered with a snicker as he took the scroll with his magic, “ze doctor will assure this will be flawless.”
“I hope so”, she finally answered before turning back and began to walk away as he was looking at her with slight disappointment.
“Mmph, this is not what I expected,” he said as he turned back to Braeburn; his head was still in the barrel. Then, Applejack looked at him and asked with curiosity:
“Wow, that must be somethin’ so important the Mayor look’d so serious. What’s that scroll ‘bout, Richtofen?”
“Let’s see”, he unfolds the scroll and reads: “The return of Nightmare Moon...” Suddenly, he’s interrupted by his partner, who lets his head out from the barrel, having nothing in his mouth. He stops reading and says with a wide grin: “hey Burny, guess what?”
“What is it, partner?” He answered with happiness and then noticed the scroll. He smiled widely and said while he took it: “Ohh, thanks for the towel!”
“Wait, that ain’t a tow...” Applejack tried to say, but it was late. He dried his face off with it and threw it away. “Braeburn, you dumb stallion!” He yelled upset.
“Woah, what?” He replied, shocked at her cousin’s words. “Ah swear ah did nothing wrong”.
“This time you did!” She replied as she pointed at the wet scroll. “That wasn’t a towel. That was a scroll, a very important one.”
The stallion gasped and said worried: “Really? Oh, ah’m sorry”, he then looked back at Richtofen and said: “sorry if I ruined it, doc.”
“Don’t worry, Burny”, he replied with optimism as he was taking the scroll with his magic and moved it closer to him. “I’m sure Ich can still read this”, he said with a smile as he opened it. After noticing the ink was all blurry, his smile faded and said: “or maybe not. Oh shit, what are we going to do now?”
“Ah’m so sorry, doc”, he said with sadness. “Please let me make this up to ya”.
“How so?”
“Well...” the stallion thought for a moment while he rubbed his chin with his hoof. He then smiled and said with hope:“...Ya mentioned somethin’ ‘bout a story, right?”
“Ja”, Richtofen answered, “so?”
“What ‘bout if we tell a spooky story by ourselves? Ah’m sure nopony will notice the difference.”
“That’s...”, Applejack looked surprised, “...Actually a good idea. Wow Braeburn, y’are surprising sometimes.”
“Thanks!” He answered with a huge grin.
“Oh Wunderbar! Come on, Burny. Du und Ich have a story to tell”, Richtofen said with excitement as he grabbed Braeburn’s hoof and both ran towards the stage.
After the couple of stallions ran away, Applejack sighed in relief as she looked back at the barrel. “Well, ah hope ah don’t see ‘em together for the rest o’ the night”, she mumbled as she put more apples in the barrel.
Fluttershy, along with the help of Takeo, was feeding and taking care of her little pets. She was smiling and was humming a subtle tune as she was doing it. Meanwhile, Takeo was helping her, but he was already bored. He wasn’t used to do these kinds of things.
“Here you go, mister”, she said with her soft voice as she was giving some cheese to a mouse. She smiled warmly as she saw how the critter started to eat it quickly. “They’re so adorable, Mister Takeo.”
“Yeah... adorabre”, he replied with reluctance as he was standing beside her, holding a bag containing the animals’ food.
“Oh?” She looked back at him, a bit worried, “are you upset, mister?”
“Werr, Miss Fruttershy”, he looked at her with his brown eyes, “I am sure it wourd be better if we were herping Twirigh right now. Besides, I’m pretty sure you shourd be cerebrating.”
“You mean I should go out?” She looked away quickly. “I’m sorry, mister, but I won’t do such thing. It’s Nightmare Night.”
“So?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. As a response, she looked back at him with a glimpse of terror.
“Have you seen their costumes? They’re horrifying. I don’t want to go outside; it’s too scary for me.”
“Miss Fruttershy”, he sighed and placed a hoof on her shoulder, “you wirr have to face your fears someday. A true warrior with honor is not the one who is fearress, but is the one who overcomes them”.
“I know I should. That’s what my friends tell me”, she answered as she tried to keep eye contact with him. “But...”
“But what?”
“I feel like the others will mock at me for being scared at mere costumes.”
“Miss Fruttershy, if they do that...” He smiled with courage, “then they wirr have a tark with me. No honorabre pony wourd even raugh and mock at you.”
“Really?” she smiled briefly, but she looked away again. “But what about my little pets? Who would take care of them?” Suddenly, she felt a poke on her flank. She turned around and noticed Angel. He was looking at her upset; he pointed and himself, stating he’d take care of the situation, and then pointed at the door.
The Japanese laughed and said: “Anger wirr cover you whire you’re not here, Miss Fruttershy.”
“A...Are you sure you can do this, Angel?” she asked worried. “I don’t want to bother you.” The bunny just facepalmed, climbed on her head and made her turn to the door, pointing at it again.
“He’s sure about it, Miss”, he said with a grin. “Ret’s go then. You must face your fears.” He then proceeded to grab her hoof softly and started to walk with her towards the door. She gulped, nervous, but she nodded.
“Okay, Mister Takeo. I’ll try”, she said, her words trembling in fear. Finally, both walked out the cottage and the bunny closed the door again, locking it from the inside.
After dragging Nikolai through the streets of the town, Lyra finally arrived to her home: a house that looked similar to the others. When both stood in front of the door, she smiled widely and searched through her mane, grabbing the key with her mechanical hands.
“Oh my gosh, this is so exciting for me!” She said happily as she put it in the keyhole. While she was doing that, she stood in hind hooves, emulating human-like moves. “We’ll have a great time!”
“Yeah, yeah”, he said, not being as enthusiast as her, “you promised only to share some Moonshine.”
“I know, Nik”, she replied and she opened the door. It was completely dark inside. “Please take a seat.”
“Ookay”, he said a bit confused as he walked inside. Suddenly, he bumped his leg on something. “Fuck!” he yelled in pain.
“Oops! Let me turn the lights on”, she said and then her horn glowed. After a moment, she used to magic to lighten up the place by setting several candles, that were on the wall, on fire. “Welcome to my humble home,” she giggled, “my dear P.H.B.F.F.!”
“What in the fuck”, Nikolai mumbled as he looked around. The walls were covered, almost upholstered, in drawings. All of them were hoof drawn, one by one, and all of them had one thing in common: mankind. Although most of them were maps, showing the type of people living in each continent, there some that showed the mint colored unicorn living in their world, either as a pony or a humanized pony.
“Cool, isnt it?” Nikolai heard and turned back to her. She giggled and said: “My friends think I’m weird ‘cause I like humans. Heh, they even think I find them to be sexy.”
“What?” The Russian asked slightly disgusted, but she grabbed his arm again and began to drag him upstairs. “Stop dragging me, horse!” He said upset. However, she didn’t listen and kept doing it until both were upstairs. She then walked over a door, still trying to use her hind legs only.
“Chill out, Nik,” she said with her usual excited tone as she grabbed the door knob with her mechanical attachment, “I promise this won’t take long. Oh, maybe we could hang out tonight after this!”
“Yeah, yeah”, he just said sarcastically as he was still looking at her with reluctance as he thought: “damn, that sounded very wrong, just like what Richtofen says sometimes. I really need a drink.”
After she opened the door and grabbed his arm with her “hand”, Lyra and Nikolai walked in her room. She turned the lights on and walked over a cabinet as she said with a smile: “sorry if my room’s a complete mess,” she giggled, “I wasn’t expecting to be with a human-pony today!”
He didn’t answer. He just walked over the bed and sat on its side after he spotted the plushies of humans on her bed. What surprised him was not exactly the fact he saw the plushies in general, but the fact he saw one of himself. “What in the fuck is this?” He said annoyed as he grabbed it with his hoof.
The plushie resembled himself as his human form. It was wearing the same clothes he worn during Pinkie Pie’s party. Its face was showing a glimpse of drunk and disgust. And also, it was holding a tiny bottle on one hand and a pistol with the other.
“Who the fuck made a mini me?” He wondered as he was still examining it.
“I made it myself”, Lyra replied while she was opening the cabinet and taking a small bottle out from it, “it’s not tough after all. All you need to make one is fabric, cotton to stuff it and lots of patience”. She smiled widely and then she moved in front of him. “Heh, the bottle was the toughest part.”
“Well, I admit it’s impressive, but weird”, he said and couldn’t help but to chuckle at her enthusiasm. “Anyway”, he looked back at her and noticed the bottle she was carrying with her magic, “is that the bottle of non-vodka?”
She nodded and then she opened it. “Yep! This Moonshine is indeed pretty rare to find”, she chuckle dand then whispered as she was taking a couple of glasses with her magic, “only Celestia knows when we’ll have another chance to drink it again.”
“How did you get it anyway?” He asked with curiosity as he put the plushie back to its place. “Did you steal it or what?”
As an answer, she just giggled and filled both glasses with the alcoholic drink. She then spoke as she handed him his glass: “I actually got it as a prize.”
“A prize?” He asked as he grabbed the glass, trying not to drop it, “what did you do?”
“It was a creative creation contest, Nik”, she replied after she sipped from her glass. “The goal was to write the most creative story with Hearts and Hooves’ Day theme, so I wrote a very unique one.”
“A unique one?” He said as he tried to taste the contents of his glass, “and what in the hell is Hearts’ and Hooves Day about? Sounds like food.”
“Oh, lemme show you!” She quickly stood up and walked over her closet. She opened it, searched through the various belongings of hers and, after a moment, she finally grabbed a draft. “There it is.”
While she was walking back to him, Nikolai looked at the other plushies and chuckled as she finally managed to drink from his glass. “Let’s see. There’s Richtofen, Dempsey, that stupid Japanese, me and...” He kept looking at a fifth plushie; it was a female one, with mint colored hair, amber eyes, clear skin and was wearing similar clothes as the other four ones. “...Who’s that?”
“That one’s my O.C.”, she replied with enthusiasm while she was sitting down again.
“Your what?”
“Original Character, Nikolai”, she put the draft in front of him and opened it with her mechanical hands. “You know, I always wondered how it would be to be in the human world, fighting zombies and solving riddles!”
“Woah, now that’s very weird to hear... Like with fourth wife... She wanted to use pants once”, he looked at the draft and frowned. “What the fuck is this language? I can’t understand this!”
She giggled at his stereotypical words. “Oh Nik, this is how we write. Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it quickly.” She smiled at him, “I could teach you later if you want.”
“Heh... no”, he replied and emptied the contents of his glass with another swig. “By the way”, he said as he extended his hoof to her, “this drink is not good as vodka, but is not too bad either. I may give it another shot.”
“Sure!” She lifted up the bottle with her magic and filled his glass again. She kept talking about her draft with great enthusiasm: “This story is about how Nikolai, who happens to be you, develops his feelings towards his best friend: Dempsey.”
“Dempsey?” He grinned, “Well, he could be good comrade and friend... but he’s capitalist pig.”
“Really?” She smiled, took a quill and wrote down notes on the bottom of the draft. “Thanks for the heads up, Nik.”
“So,” he took a swig from his glass, “how does story ends? Do I kill Takeo?”
“Well, about that,” she hesitated for a moment, “you two become best friends, and then you become boyfriends.”
After she finished her sentence, he just spilled the drink from his mouth and yelled, upset: “What the fuck, horse. What the fuck!?”
“Oh, but this is always how two best friends end up like, right?” She forced a grin. “Richtofen loved this story.”
He sighed, trying to calm himself down, and said: “Look, Bonbon...”
“It’s Lyra”, she interrupted.
“Whatever. Why the fuck did you think such damn thing? This reminded me of my brother... He was one weird guy.”
“Oh”, her smile faded, “so you don’t like this story?”
“Of course not”, he said, still upset, “I’m not a nezhenka. I got married seventh times... They were all bitches, but they were still women.”
“I see”, she looked at her draft with a thoughtful glimpse, “so you’d never ever mate with Dempsey, right?”
“What!?” He replied disgusted, “No!”
“Okay”, she sighed and put her story back in the closet again with her magic and then she closed the door. “Can I ask you something, Nik?”
He took a deep breath and then sighed. “Fine. What do you want now, midget horny horse?”
“Will you turn back into a human soon? I mean, it’s nice already to be friends with a pony human, but a complete human would make it even better.”
He looked at her, not knowing what to answer, and scratched his head. “I don’t know. Richtofen said something about queen horse wanting to keep me this way.”
“You mean Princess Luna?” She suddenly grinned widely and she leaned closer to him, being face to face: “I think I have a great idea!”
“Erm,” he couldn’t help but to feel awkward at the fact she was too close to his face, “what is it about?”
“Well,” she moved her “hand” on her chin, “today’s Nightmare Night, Nik.”
“So?” He asked confused. Instead of responding, she suddenly grabbed his arm and started to drag him again.
“If we offer her more candy than anypony else, then she might change her mind!”
“Candy? Offer?” he was still confused. He raised an eyebrow and then asked: “Either I’m too drunk or what you said was nonsense.”
“Don’t worry”, she answered. Both were already downstairs and she was heading towards the door: “I’ll tell you while we go get you a great costume!”
He was about to ask again, but he only sighed and thought: “This is fucking madness”.
