Session 0
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"So, like, once upon a time there was this pony—"
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"No Pinkie, it wasn’t Fluttershy."
"Anyways, there was this pony—"
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"No Pinkie, it wasn’t Applejack or Twilight, either. Can we please just move on to the game already?"
"Anyways, once upon a time there was this pony. And she was like the coolest pony in all of Equestria—"
"Wait—I mean Equinia."
"Ehem."
"So she was, like, the coolest pony in Equinia—"
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"How do you spell that? Uhh….e...q...ugh, that’s not important right now, Twilight!"
"So anyways, she was the coolest pony in Equinia and one day she—"
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"What was she wearing? Um, armor, I guess?"
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"Like, silver, maybe?"
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"What shade of silver? It was silver, Rarity."
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"What do you mean that wouldn’t make good armor? It’s silver, Twilight. Silver is, like, hard and shiny."
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"Ugh, fine. It was magic silver armor. Happy?"
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"Anyways, one day she was flying over Canterlot—I mean Cantertop—"
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"What do you mean you attack, Applejack? Nothing has even happened, yet! Who are you attacking?"
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"Ugh. Fine. Roll an attack."
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"19? Fine. You knock out the ‘no-good thief pony’ standing next to you in the tavern, happy?"
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"Is it a nice tavern? *Sigh.* I don’t know Fluttershy, it’s a tavern."
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"*Sigh.* Let me roll on the table."
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"There’s a cat. His name is Mittens."
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"Yes, Timidhooves can pet him."
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"Her animal companion? Sure, I guess?"
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"I don’t know, white?"
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"Yes, Rarity, like Opal. Anyways—"
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"Is this a feudal what, Twilight?"
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"Um, sure, I guess? There’s like, a princess, and stuff."
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"Um, Princess...Sun...Sky?"
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"You can’t just talk to the Princess right away, Twilight. Nopony knows who Twinklewhirl the Unshaven is. You have to do the quest first!"
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"Come on Fluttershy, you can’t just stay in the tavern because you’re scared. That would be boring."
"Anyways—"
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"Again, Applejack? You already knocked out the thief in the tavern. There’s no bad ponies left to beat up!"
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"Why would you attack the waitpony?"
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"'In cahoots?' What does that even mean?"
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"Ugh. Fine."
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"22? You hit. The waitpony is knocked out."
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"He’s fine, Fluttershy. There’s a healer in the middle of the city."
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"I don’t know what spells she has prepared, Twilight. You haven’t even met her yet."
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"No Pinkie, they don’t sell cotton candy at the tavern."
"So this super cool mare was flying over Cantertop when, all of a sudden—"
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"Ugh. What now, Rarity?"
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"We already went over this, Rarity! Her armor was silver! Like, normal silver!"
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"Good. Are you happy now? Anyways, she was flying over the city when suddenly a giant red dragon started to—"
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"Spike? When did you get here?"
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"Fiiine. You can play, too, just wait until after we—"
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"No, you can’t play as the dragon, Spike. That would be, like, way overpowered. You can play a—"
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"It doesn’t matter if there’s rules for playing non pony characters, Twilight. The dragon in this story is supposed to be the—"
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"Ugh. Fine! If you roll higher than a 95 on the percent dice you can play as him, okay?"
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"97!? No way! Let me see that!"
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"Are you kidding me? Ugh, whatever. You all see the giant, red dragon Spike—"
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"I’m getting to that, Twilight! If everypony would just be quiet for a minute."
"You all see the giant red dragon—"
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"What now, Fluttershy?"
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"Oh. Yeah. I’ll take some more soda."
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*Gulp, gulp, gulp.*
"Ahhhh. So where was I? Ha, oh yeah."
"So the giant red dragon comes swooping down in on Cantertop and ponies are running and screaming in all directions—"
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"Well duh, Spike. You’re the evil dragon king. Of course everypony is going to be afraid of you."
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"A crown? Um, sure, I guess?"
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"Yes Spike, all the gems you could want."
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"Cool. So anyways, you all see Dragon King Spike swooping down from the clouds, when suddenly, from above the castle, there’s a streak of rainbow that flashes across the sky! Wooosh!"
"It’s Knight Daring Dash, the most awesome knight in all of Equinia!"
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"No Applejack, it’s not supposed to be me. She’s a totally different pony."
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"Hey, you named your character “Japple Axe.” It’s the same thing."
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"Challenge her to a race? She’s like 20th level, Applejack."
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"Ugh, okay. Daring Dash flies down from the skies and accepts your challenge. Give me an athlete roll."
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"What, Twilight? Magic? Uhh, I guess you can use it."
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"Hoofsteps of the Wind? What does that do?"
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"Wait, plus 10? No way!"
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"Um, okay then. Daring Dash...has, um, a class feature that um, lets her roll a 20 once a day to—"
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"Wait, 32? How’d you get a 32, Applejack!?"
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"Uhhh...she also has a faster base speed than normal ponies. You, um, tie."
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"Hey! It’s not cheating! She has magical armor that—"
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"Why would she pay you if you tied, Applejack?"
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"She doesn’t have time to go to the treasury. There’s a dragon attacking the city!"
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"Yes Rarity, there’s jewels and necklaces in the treasury."
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"No, you can’t just walk in there and—"
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"Even if Lady Maripone is a noble pony, you can’t just—"
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"27? On a talk roll?"
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"*Sigh.* The guardpony at the front gate lets you in. He says you can take just one item from the treasury."
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"Sure. It’s the biggest one they have."
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"Um, emeralds?"
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"Fine. Diamonds."
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"Okay, then. Anypony else have anything they wanted to do before we get back to the story?"
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"A bakeoff, Pinkie? The dragon king isn’t going to—"
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"Spike, the dragon king is supposed to be evil! He wouldn’t just—"
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"Fine. You two give me a job roll."
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"Modifier for the dragon king? Um...looks like...+4?"
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"What’d you get, Pinkie Pie? 18? Okay. The dragon king gets a—a natural 1? Seriously, Spike?"
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"Ugh. So you challenge the dragon king to a bakeoff but being a dragon, he—uh—accidentally burns his cake?"
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"Yes Pinkie, Sprinklesnout the bard can eat the cake she just baked."
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"A rematch? Seriously, Spike? You’re the dragon king! You could just—"
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"Fine. Go ahead."
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"A tie? Um. Okay. Let me look at the rules for—"
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"A truce? Pinkie Pie, the dragon king isn’t going to—"
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"Spike! You’re supposed to be—"
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"Wait, what do you mean a peace treaty, Twilight? The dragons and Equinia have been fighting for hundreds of years! Only the princess can—"
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"Royalty, Rarity? Where does it even give you that option?"
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"Background three, long lost...seriously? Fine, whatever. You write a peace treaty and have the dragon king sign it. The war with Equinia is over. Happy?"
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"She’s not going to race you again, Applejack."
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"Why would the princess give you a reward? You didn’t even fight the dragon king!"
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"Well, technically, yeah, but—"
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"*Sigh.* Fine. You all go to the throne room where the princess gives you medals and bits. Equinia is saved once again."
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"Yes, Fluttershy, Mittens can have a medal."
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"*Sigh.* Yes, Spike, the dragon king can have one, too."
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"Daring Dash? She, uh, flies off to do something else super cool."
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"I don’t know, like fight a hydra or something."
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"No, Rarity, you can’t move into the castle."
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"Yes, Twilight, you can go to the library and look for spells."
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"A level-up? Um, sure. Everypony is level 2 now."
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"Do dragons get levels? I...guess so?"
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"*Sigh* Lets stop here for now. Waiting around for everypony to level up their characters is boring."
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"Cool. Same time next week?"
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"Awesome!"
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