After being released from Broadhoof Memorial Psychiatric Hospital, Twilight Sparkle attempts to rebuild her life and friendships in Canterlot, but finds that regaining the trust of those she hurt might be harder than she initially imagined….
Unofficial sequel to “Sanctuary” by Kaidan.
After being released from Broadhoof Memorial Psychiatric Hospital, Twilight Sparkle attempts to rebuild her life and her friendships in Canterlot, but finds that regaining the trust of the ponies she hurt might be harder than she initially imagined….
A/N: Featured on Fimfiction’s List of Stories On The Homepage: January 19, 2024!! My first proper G4 story in over 3 years and my first story of 2024. Set in the ‘Asylumverse,’ this story is an alternate take on the “Amending Fences” episode and deals with the aftermath of Sanctuary. Reading for that story is REQUIRED in order to understand this one as I’m making it as a direct sequel. Updates will hopefully be coming daily until this story is complete. Enjoy!
They say that it can be hard to readjust to life once you’ve been gone from it for so long, and a return to normalcy can be near impossible. Well, it certainly feels that way for me. Shining Armor told me that it would be easy and that in less than a week, we could put the whole hospital thing behind us. But it turns out…life doesn’t always work that way. Ponies still look at me funny. I don’t know whether it’s the fact that what I did is well-known throughout Canterlot or something else entirely. All I want is for things to go back to the way they were…before everything got out of hoof. I just want to feel…normal again, like everypony else. It’s been a long recovery and I’ve caused enough trouble for everypony around me already. I just want to blend in and fit in with the crowd again, the way I was always meant to.
At this point though, it’s looking increasingly unlikely. We’re considering options, including moving to another town. But moving costs a lot and I’m not sure my BBBFF wants to be so far away from the police academy he’s still going to. We can’t have the taxi be driving him everyday after all, especially with rising costs.
If only I hadn’t deluded myself into thinking I was Princess Celestia’s personal student. Maybe this all wouldn’t’ve happened. Maybe…
“Twily?”
Twilight glanced up from her study table at the sound of her brother’s voice, her internal thoughts being disrupted in an instant due to being startled. She set her quill down and looked to her left. Sure enough, none other than Shining Armor was walking into her bedroom with a concerned expression on his face. He was carefully carrying a bowl of soup with his magic. She sighed with relief upon realizing that it was him and not somepony else.
She had to admit to being a little paranoid at who she came in contact with nowadays. Her experience at Broadhoof had barely done anything for her social skills except confuse her in regards to what was real and what wasn’t. It was hard to readjust to a life she hadn’t lived since she was a filly. The world had changed since she was away, and there were so many aspects that were considered normal now, as well as many customs that had developed among the ponies of Canterlot that she had no prior knowledge of. It was as if existence had passed her by, and she was a pony out of time. It didn’t help that she had gone through most of it thinking that she was a completely different pony, and the ramifications of what her young self had done still came at her in full force. Fate was unleashing its full wrath on her for the sins of her past, and she could do nothing to atone for them. She was a pony abandoned by the gods and left to rot in her eternal punishment.
She felt weighed down by the expectations that were placed on her. She had entered the hospital a filly and had emerged from it a fully-grown mare. She replayed in her mind all of the times that her teachers scolded her for any lack of understanding about a subject, even though it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t know it. It wasn’t as if the classes at Broadhoof with Miss. Lunamoon were the best at catching her up with pre-algebra or anything that a pony her age should’ve known.
She forced herself to smile to make him feel better, even though she wasn’t in the best mood to do so. What could she tell him? That she was still dealing with the fallout of what she did as a filly? He didn’t deserve to hear more bad news. They were already going through a lot, and he deserved to hear any good news no matter what it was. He deserved better than the same old downtrodden attitude. He deserved better than her.
“Oh…hey, Shining,” she greeted him. “I’m okay.”
“You certainly don’t sound like it,” Shining Armor countered gently. “I know you’ve been up here a while and I just wanna let you know that dinner’s ready. Better eat if we want to visit Dad tomorrow.” He set the bowl on the table.
Twilight was surprised to hear this. “We’re visiting?”
“Yeah,” Shining answered. “You know he’s interested in hearing about your progress.” He smiled sadly. “Or…lack thereof, I should say.”
Twilight sighed heavily. He knew how she was feeling. She didn’t even have to say a word. He could already read the room and she couldn’t keep it a secret. The jig was up and she knew it. “You know the hardest thing about all this, Shining? It wasn’t the recovery. That was easy compared to this. But I don’t even fit in with my peers anymore. They’ve all grown up without me.”
Shining nodded in understanding. “It can be hard. Mom foresaw this exact situation happening when she and Dad talked about committing you following your first real episode…But all you can do is try to rebuild that life you had before. There’s no changing the past.”
“Why didn’t she stop him?” she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.
“What?”
“Why wasn’t she able to stop him? I know I was sick, but…all of this could’ve been prevented, couldn’t it?”
“She tried. But he loved you too much to see you do this to yourself, so much in fact that he was willing to get that divorce to prove his point. You know Mom still blames herself for everything that’s happened. She’s never forgiven herself for going along with his plan.”
“I know that!” Twilight cried. “She’s told me that herself! That’s why I’ve tried. But I’m not a natural at making friends. Maybe in my delusions, I was. But not here. Not in this life. All I’ve ever known is books.” She buried her face in her hooves. “I just…don’t know what to do.”
Shining walked over and put a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “This has never been easy on any of us, Twily. But you have to keep trying. Don’t give up on yourself.”
“The world already has, Shining,” Twilight stated bitterly. “I can’t…fit in anywhere. Ponies in my class still look at me like I’m some sort of crazy pony. They still see that idiot foal with delusions of grandeur who thought she was the Princess’s personal protégé. I’ll never be normal for as long as I live…”
“Then don’t try and gain their approval.”
Twilight looked back at him. “What do you mean?”
“There will always be ponies who try and put you down,” Shining advised her. “Especially if they sense an outcast. If those ponies don’t want to be your friend, then stop approaching them. They’ve made their choices. The best thing you can do is try and find others who share your experiences or at least…can relate to what you’re going through.”
“How many ponies can you think of that attacked others, crippled their own brother, and got sentenced to an asylum for about several years?” she inquired.
Shining smiled sheepishly. “Well, now that you put it that way, it does sound quite far-fetched. But it’s not out of the question.” That was when he seemed to get an idea. “Hey. I think I have an idea. But you might not like it.”
Twilight felt instant dread upon hearing that last phrase. She didn’t know what her brother was thinking, but she already knew it probably wouldn’t be something she would take kindly to. “Oh. What…do you have in mind?”
“Remember those ponies you used to know in Magic Kindergarten?” Shining asked her. Seeing her perplexed expression, he sighed. “Right. You probably don’t remember the finer details aside from what I’ve told you already. You attacked those ponies and-“
“I think I remember,” Twilight interrupted him, the memories flooding back. “Those were the ponies who I told that I was Princess Celestia’s student to before I-you know. What were their names? I know one of them was called Moon Dancer.”
“You used to have her over at your house a lot borrowing books,” Shining reminded her. He smiled wistfully. “Ah, the good ‘ol days. You know, I was always a big proponent of you hanging out with her more considering the both of you were nerds.”
Twilight giggled. “I don’t doubt it.”
“See?” Shining said, smiling. “That’s the Twily I know. You just need to regain their trust. I want you to start hanging out with them again, begin rekindling that bond. If any ponies can give you solace during this difficult time, it’s your old friends.”
“But I hurt them!” Twilight was freaking out now. She remembered those ponies. They had once been the closest things to friends she ever had and she had pushed them away after her illness had gotten out of control. She could never imagine reconnecting with them. They were probably traumatized from that encounter. She couldn’t reopen that wound. “Shining Armor, please-“
“Twily,” he continued. “This will be good for you. I know they’d love to reconnect with you after everything. Even in spite of everything you did, they never stopped asking about you. All of them. And I think that you’ll feel better having them by your side again.”
“You think they’ll forgive me?” she asked worriedly. “Even after-“
“They will,” Shining reassured her. “Don’t worry. If they don’t, you can tell your BBBFF and I’ll give them an old school lesson in forgiveness.”
“Thanks.”
And I have a plan. If you want, you can opt out of visiting Dad tomorrow and I’ll tell Mom what we’re doing. She’ll understand.”
Twilight stared at him in shock. “Wait, you’d actually cover for me?”
“Only if you want to spare Dad yet another sob story about the average school day,” he confirmed, smirking. “You’re not legally obligated to do weekly visits and I think he’ll more so want to hear some good news for a change. Should you agree, I’m sure Mom would be fine with just she and I going.”
She nodded, smiling back at him. “Then I’ll do that. I’ll go to Minuette’s house right after school tomorrow. Thanks for doing this for me.”
“Hey, what wouldn’t I do for my little sister?” Shining teased her playfully. “Especially after just getting her back, I might add. I gotcha covered here.” He glanced at the now cold bowl of soup. “You better finish that. I think it’s cold.”
Twilight’s eyes went wide and her attention immediately snapped back to the bowl. “Uh oh, whoops!” She blushed. “My bad!” Wasting no time, she picked up her spoon using her magic and immediately began eating as fast as she could.
Shining chuckled. “Careful or you’ll get a stomach ache.”
She nodded quickly and he began walking towards the bedroom door. He didn’t want to disturb her dinner any longer and he had a plan to set in motion. He was willing to do anything if it meant making his little sister happy once again, no matter what it was. Losing her still weighed heavily on his mind, and he saw this as a chance to finally right a wrong and correct his biggest mistake.
Right as he was about to leave the room, however, he turned back to look at her one final time. He smiled sadly once more before that expression morphed into one of resolve. He would not let her down. If she was willing to do her part, he was willing to do his.
“We’ll figure this out, Twily. I promise.”
“Is there some reason why Twilight couldn’t come down and eat?” Twilight Velvet asked with a hint of concern in her voice. “It’s oddly quiet here.”
The two of them were sitting at the dining table alone. The time when dinner was eaten was usually the most talkative time of the night as Twilight would frequently start lengthy conversations on the new books she read, and they could always count on her to liven all of them up, even in their worst days. It had practically become a tradition before their lives had changed forever and they had slowly been getting back to that following the unicorn’s release from Broadhoof.
Now eating alone felt as isolating as it had been when Twi had been committed all those moons ago, and it brought back bad memories for both of them. Shining could sense the uneasy mood and was the first to break the silence.
“She insisted.” Shining answered. “Mom, I want to tell you that Twily wants to opt out of visiting Dad tomorrow.”
“Oh?” Velvet asked in surprise, clearly taken aback by this. “How come? She loves visiting him. Is there a reason why she refused this time?”
“I came up with the idea,” he answered. “I know times have been hard for her and I wanted to give her the opportunity to…reconcile with some old friends.”
“You mean Minuette, Twinkleshine, Lemon Hearts, and Moon Dancer? I haven’t heard from those ponies in a good while. Last time they asked about her was about a year ago.”
“This will be good for her. She could use her old friends during this difficult period of readjustment. At least, I think she could.” Shining looked down at his plate of oats. “I can’t…I can’t be there to pick up the pieces from her bad days all the time. She needs more than us. Her old friends can help her.”
Velvet sighed deeply. “Shining, you know this whole experience…has broken our whole family apart. And I know none of this was ever truly her fault, but the last thing she needs is further reminders of her past. I know you’ve wanted this for her for years, but I think it might be too early to force socialization on her. Give it like a year or so.”
“But we’re out of time.” Shining insisted. “Twilight’s grown increasingly unhappy with her life. She’s not fitting in anywhere and she’s flunking her classes. Nopony said readjustment would be easy, but if we don’t intervene, she could try to hurt herself again and you know what that means.”
“Shining-“
“I already lost her once. I will not do so again under any circumstance.” Tears filled his eyes and he wiped them forcefully. “If I have to be the new father figure looking out for her, then that is what I’m going to do. She needs all the help she can get and I will be there for her this time. She’s going over to Minuette’s tomorrow.”
Velvet leaned back in her chair, squeezing her eyes shut for a brief moment before opening them again. She stared back at him with a stern expression in her eyes. “You better know what you’re doing.”
Shining nodded, staring back at her with equal intensity. “I do.”
Twilight stared out the bedroom window, gazing at the Mare in the Moon in the sky and the stars that twinkled around it. She knew that she was risking a lot putting herself out there, but she knew that it was the right thing to do. All she wanted to do was belong. And she was going to find a way to make it up to the ponies she hurt no matter what.
She may not have ever been the Princess’s student nor the Element of Magic, but her resolve still reflected a pony who had seen battle. She had been put through the wringer her whole life, and it was either she went all in on this last chance, or go home. She already knew the answer, for she was not a pony to quit. She would use the social skills she had developed in her delusions to see this done. She would not be alone anymore. She would make her family proud of her.
She was Twilight Sparkle. And she was going to reconnect with her old friends or die trying.
School was uneventful as always. Twilight only remembered being pushed into a locker by Hulking Mass, one of the meanest bullies at the school. He had called her a societal reject and taunted her about fitting in, the same way he always did. She wasn’t really terrified by his presence anymore if she was being honest. It was routine at this point and his threats had become stale. If she wasn’t so focused on keeping her head attached to her neck that day and laying low, she would’ve told him to get some new material.
Her suffering finally ended though when the last bell of the day rang and class was dismissed. As soon as Mrs. Honey opened the classroom door, she wasted no time in making a beeline outside and headed in the direction of Minuette’s house, which wasn’t far from the school. It was a large purple house with multiple windows sporting an hourglass symbol on the front. She glanced at the map that Shining had given her and smiled with relief upon confirming that she was in the right place. The last thing she wanted was to get lost when she had an old friend to reconnect with.
She slowly walked up to the blue door in front of her, swallowing her nervousness. She had to do this. It didn’t matter whether she was forgiven or not. At least she could say that she tried her best and that it hadn’t worked out. She had to make an effort. If not for herself, then for her BBBFF. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
That was when the door creaked open and the curious head of a blue unicorn poked out from behind a corner, her face brightening upon seeing Twilight standing in front of her. Minuette had always been the excitable and bubbly type, and that certainty had not changed in the years since they had last seen each other.
“Twilight Sparkle!” Minuette exclaimed happily, stepping out of her house. “You old so-and-so! What are you doing here?! I mean, I know you're here all the time, but you never come to see me!”
Twilight smiled sheepishly. “I wanted to…see if we could maybe…hang out today? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“I’d love to hang out with you!” Minuette assured her instantly. “I know we didn’t quite get along the best at first, but things are different now! You’ve changed. Plus, we’ve all been wanting to check up on you anyway. What better way than to spend the day out?”
“I guess,” replied Twilight nervously. “I guess I was worried you…wouldn’t want to talk to me after everything I did.”
Minuette waved her hoof dismissively. “Hey, don’t worry about it! We may not have always been the closest of friends, but now’s our time to change that!” She turned back in the direction of her house. “Come inside! Come inside. We can get Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine after we talk.”
Twilight nodded quickly. “Oh, um…alright.” She was happy that Minuette was being so welcoming, but at the same time, she could tell that she was hiding something. This interaction was so far too easy, and she knew it. There was no way that she simply forgot about all of the emotional and physical trauma she had endured on the night of the accident.
Nonetheless, she stepped inside of the home, closing the door behind her. She admired the simplistic decor of the living room. It was nothing fancy and the furniture was arranged in an ordinary fashion. But the way Minuette was describing it seemed like she thought her place was the fanciest home in Equestria, and she couldn’t help but be envious of how content the unicorn seemed to be with her life in contrast to the way she was feeling.
They sat on opposite sofas and talked about casual stuff for a little while, such as what subjects Twilight was studying and whether Minuette still wanted to get a degree in dentistry. But eventually, the talk shifted to why she was here and it was the moment she had been dreading all day.
“So…” Minuette asked her. “I am kinda curious. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but…you’ve never really shown interest in us before, let alone little ‘ol me. I just wanna know what changed as you were never really the friendship type. Heck, Moon Dancer can attest to that.”
Twilight sighed. “I want to apologize, Minuette. I hurt you and the others so badly all those moons ago and…I’m hoping to make it up to you.”
“Twilight-“
“And I know you’re not telling the full truth about letting the past go. You don’t just forget something like that. You don’t just forget a horrible action like what I did. You can talk to me about it. I want to hear how you really feel.”
Minuette’s face fell. Her expression turned to one of sadness. “You really want to talk about that, huh? I’m sorry, I was trying to spare your feelings by not mentioning it.”
“Don’t,” Twilight said sternly. “I need to hear it. I was a sick and deluded filly back then who thought she was the personal student of Princess Celestia. You didn’t deserve any of this. You didn’t deserve to be yelled at and crippled for something that was a lie. I’m sorry, Minuette. I want to tell you that.”
Minuette absorbed what she was being told, nodding her head and her face seemed to reflect that of somepony who had so much pain being held up inside, but didn’t know how to let it out. Finally, she looked back at the unicorn opposite her and her expression softened.
“Twilight,” she said gently. “Would you believe me if I told you that I forgive you for that? I know it’s hard to believe, but…I don’t blame you.”
Twilight wiped a falling tear from her eye. “You don’t…?”
Minuette shook her head. “It was your illness. The constant episodes and everything you were saying…I didn’t understand it then, but I do now. My Dad actually gave me a lesson in OCPD following that night and…over the years, it became easier to forgive. You were suffering and none of this was ever really your fault. You weren’t in control.”
“I just wish I can take it all back…” Twilight replied sadly, sniffling. “I can never undo what I did, and it haunts me. Even as I’m trying to move forward. We could’ve all been best friends and I just ruined it…” She squeezed her eyes shut.
It was at that moment that Minuette stood up and walked up towards her, putting a comforting hoof around her shoulder. “Well I don’t see that sick filly anymore. I only see you now. The fact that you came here on your own accord in order to reach out to me tells me everything I need to know…”
Twilight opened her eyes again, looking back at her. “I don’t know if our friends will think the same. Especially Moon Dancer. She and I actually got along a little bit, so it might hurt more for her.”
“We’ll worry about her when the time comes,” Minuette told her kindly. “I just want you to know that I forgive you, and I’m sure Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine will too.”
“You think so?”
“I have no doubt.”
Twilight felt comforted by her presence and she smiled genuinely, feeling at peace for the first time in a long time. It was a feeling of relief that she never thought that she would ever get to experience. Minuette actually forgave her and still wanted to be her friend, even when she initially thought it was impossible. Perhaps she could do this after all. She could make things up with the rest of them. Redemption was possible in her future.
Hmm. Keep telling yourself that. As far as I’m concerned, you haven’t atoned for anything. A familiar voice spoke inside her mind. Twilight froze upon hearing it. She never wanted to hear that cursed voice again. She never thought it would come back.
You! Twilight yelled. I thought I wouldn’t ever have to deal with you again. Leave me alone already. You already got what you wanted.
Have I? Oh I don’t think so. You still think you’re a pony worth saving, that you’re some kind of hero who could hoofwave away all your problems. Well, newsflash. You can’t. You’ll always be stuck in the same place for the rest of your life. Once a sick pony, always a sick pony.
That’s not true! protested Twilight. You know nothing about me. They’ll forgive me. I just know they will. If Minuette could-
She was always an airhead anyway. What does she know about mental illness?
Twilight’s temper instantly flared. You know nothing about her! How can you say that she doesn’t know anything?! You’re always trying to put me down for no reason! Well guess what? It’s not working, and it will never work.
We shall see, Twilight Sparkle. We shall see. Don’t say I didn’t warn you when reality comes crashing down on your little fantasy.
“Enough!!” Twilight snapped out loud. At the sound of her yelling, Minuette instantly released her hoof and jumped back in fear. She noticed her do this and instantly felt bad. Here she was about to hurt one of her friends again. She couldn’t do this. “I’m sorry! It was…just my imagination.”
Minuette nodded reluctantly, though it was obvious by her expression that she wasn’t fully convinced. Her body was still tense for about a moment before the doorbell rang and she ran over to open it. Upon swinging it open, she and Twilight were greeted with the sight of two familiar ponies.
The first was a white unicorn mare with a pink mane and tail and the second pony was a yellow unicorn with a blue mane and tail. Twinkleshine and Lemon Hearts. They had heard that Twilight was in town and had come over to see her.
“Lemon Hearts! Twinkleshine!” Minuette greeted them. “You made it! I thought we would have to come over and get you guys!”
“We came as fast as we could upon you telling us that Twilight was here,” Twinkleshine answered. “Any sighting from the purple nerd is an all hooves on deck moment as I always say.”
Lemon Hearts giggled at that. “Same. I dropped everything. I arranged for us to all hang out at Donut Joe’s. Wanna come?”
Minuette gasped. “Would we?!” She grinned, glancing back at Twilight. “Come on, Twilight! We’re going to eat lunch together!”
Twilight overheard her name being called and snapped to attention, getting down from the sofa and heading towards the door. She didn’t know what was going to be in her future, but she knew that she couldn’t stop now. She had to apologize to the rest of her friends no matter what. Only then would she truly be able to atone for the sins of her past.
Sometimes the best thing to clear one’s mind was to have lunch with old friends. It was a time of relaxation. A time of healing. And a time to share your experiences with those closest to you. Twilight knew the meaning of that advice all too well. In both the real world and her Ponyville delusions, she knew exactly what it was like to get overwhelmed about something that she had no control over. It was a feeling she had a lot, and she never knew how to really express it.
Yet sitting with the ponies she once hurt now, all these years later, it felt…different. She felt like she could be open and that they understood her. She could air out her emotions and what she went through, and no one would judge her for it.
“…no way! That actually happened?!” Lemon Hearts asked in shock, nearly spitting out her coffee. “That must‘ve been some hallucination.”
Twilight grinned sheepishly. “Yeah. Apparently Doctor Applejack and Rarity had to get Nurse Ratchet’s complaint dismissed by the board. To this day, I’m not even sure what happened was even real. For all everypony else knew, I cured myself by having one of my episodes, which is apparently unheard of.”
“I can see why,” Twinkleshine replied, smiling. “It does sound pretty preposterous. You tell anypony that, they’re gonna think you’re crazy all over again!”
The four of them laughed over this and ate some more donuts. For Twilight, getting to unwind like this was exactly what she needed. She had been stressed all day due to being worried about whether these ponies would’ve even wanted to connect with her once more and here they all were, kicking back and laughing like not a day had passed. There were no hard feelings between them. They were all content to catch up and be around her.
It felt like a dream come true. For the longest time, she never imagined that she would ever get a second chance like this again. She thought she was doomed to be locked away forever. But here she was now, putting herself out there and making friends. And she didn’t need the Elements of Harmony to do it, nor Princess Celestia to do it. She was capable of doing this all on her own. She had the ability to do so the whole time, and she had never given herself credit for it. She had underestimated her own capabilities, and fate was now proving her wrong in the best way she could’ve imagined.
She wasn’t alone anymore.
“So what are you studying these days?” Minuette asked her. “You haven’t told us much about how things are going at your school.”
Twilight shrugged. “Eh, same old basic magic stuff. Nowhere near the level you guys seem to be on though. Mrs. Honey is apparently the new Arcane Theory teacher though. She was supposed to substitute for Ms. Daisy, but she got moved to another class last week, soooooo…I don’t know, class schedules are weird.”
“Tell me about it,” Twinkleshine answered. “Five professors left Magic School within the first week of the semester, resulting in Lemon Hearts and I getting switched around a lot. Barely enough time to get to know one instructor before you’re on to the next one. I know Princess Celestia is supposed to be the principal, but I’m going to be honest, she’s better at ruling than anything else.”
“That’s true,” Lemon Hearts agreed, giggling. “I can only imagine the look she would have if I told that to her straight to her face.”
“She’d probably throw you in a dungeon.” Minuette quipped.
“Or banish you!” Twinkleshine added, putting her hooves to her mouth in mock horror.
“Or banish you then throw you in a dungeon in the place she banished you to!” Twilight chimed in. She always had the most absurd scenarios cooked up in her head, whether intentionally or not, as she tended to let her imagination run wild a lot of the time. Plus, she remembered sharing that exact same list of scenarios with Fluttershy in one of her delusions. She marveled at the tendency of history to repeat itself in the most unexpected of ways.
They all laughed again and clinked their cups together in a toast to their friendship, which was now closer than ever now that she was back in it.
Later on, they walked down the main streets of Canterlot in the direction of the Tasty Treat, a relatively new restaurant that had opened up a year ago. It was a humble looking eatery with an Italian-looking architecture and was headed by a father and daughter named Corriander Cumon and Saffron Masala, both of whom were really good chefs. They took some exotic soup and headed on their way back in the direction of Minuette’s house.
All the while, Twilight took in the sights and remembered what it felt like to be in the comforts of ponies you knew. It may have been all made up in her head before and that was something she had come to terms with, but it was a valid practice that helped her be more social all the same. She had to give her illness credit for allowing her to come out of her she’ll much faster than it otherwise would have been.
“She did!” Minuette insisted, laughing along with Twinkleshine. “Lemon Hearts nearly spit out her oats when she found out you had gotten a promotion!”
“It wasn’t anything major,” Twinkleshine stated humbly. “I guess he just saw how hard I was working compared to the other ponies at the ranch. Not that I mind the extra labor of course. Gets me some exercise in the field.”
“How do you even walk that distance to Sweet Apple Acres?” Lemon Hearts asked. “You must get up really early in the morning.”
“Oh I take a taxi. It’s not that big of a drive, really. Driver’s pretty nice.”
Twilight watched them talk with one another and smiled. She felt like she was finally living the life she had always dreamt of. She didn’t know what she was even worried for in the first place at this point. Nothing could dent her good mood now. Or so she thought.
You miss that life, don’t you? The voice in her head piped up. Still can’t escape the shadows of your past, even in spite of “healing.” You know, you really fooled the doctors with that stunt of yours, but you haven’t fooled me.
I said leave me alone. Twilight answered mentally. What is your problem?! Do you want me to recover from this or not?!
The voice chuckled. So we’re playing victim, I see. Well, Twilight. I do want you to recover. I’m you. If you don’t recover, I don’t. But I want you to be honest with yourself. You’re not cured. Nopony cures themselves during a psychotic episode. You’re still sick. And soon the signs will show when you least expect it. You really think you can live in denial forever?
I-
You’re acting all high and mighty, my dear, thinking you can heal yourself. Well, you can’t stop what’s inevitably going to happen. Being around those ponies is reactivating those repressed memories, and you know what happens when unresolved trauma isn’t dealt with, do you?
Twilight froze.
“…and that was how I got promoted to Royal Advisor!” Lemon Hearts finished cheerily. “It was for a day only, but man was that so cool! I even got to see what was inside the Canterlot basement! It contains-“
Minuette and Twinkleshine leaned in closer, their eyes sparkling with interest. If only Twilight could share in their enthusiasm. She was having a crisis within her own mind, and she didn’t know how to get rid of it. Even as she tried to deny it, she couldn’t shake the feeling that the voice was right. She was right with the ponies she had once crippled during that fateful night, and it was a very real risk that it could happen again.
She didn’t want to hurt them again. She was just getting reconnected with them. If she really was as sick as the her other self claimed, what was she doing free? She was still hearing voices in her head, still dealing with the burden of repressed memories, and she had no form of therapy to combat it.
“Twilight?”
You remember, don’t you? You looked down…saw the fear in their eyes?
No…
“Twilight?”
You remember what happened to Moon Dancer, don’t you? Poor mare received the worst of your attack. What happened to her? Didn’t she get paralyzed and the doctors had to amputate one of her-
Stop!
“TWILIGHT!!!”
Twilight snapped back to attention just in time to see all three ponies staring back at her with concerned looks on their faces. She was trembling all over in fear and she couldn’t hide it. The memories were coming to the surface more and more the longer she was around them. This wasn’t worth it. She was hurting them just by being here.
“Are you okay?” Minuette asked her, concerned. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something. Is everything alright?”
Twilight swallowed her nervousness. “N-never better. L-let’s just keep walking. Where did you say we were going to go next?”
“Well, we were actually thinking of heading to Moon Dancer’s,” Lemon Hearts explained. “It’s actually not too far from where we are, just down the street.”
Now you will listen to me. Once you see her, you will stop denying the full extent of your actions-
“Um, actually!” Twilight cut in, a little too loudly. “Why don’t…we go to the Canterlot Library instead? I wanted to…check out a book for her first! She likes to study Haycartes’s Method from what I remember. I know she’ll just LOVE a good surprise!”
Dammit.
Checkmate, evil me!
“We could…just take her to the library ourselves,” Twinkleshine suggested, tilting her head slightly out of confusion. “We can all get the book together. It’s not like we’re planning a party or something.”
“Trust me,” Twilight insisted. “It’s a VERY good idea! So good that it goes far beyond the meaning of good! She’ll thank us! What better way to tell her we want to reconnect with her than to get her a book? Books are awesome!” She grinned and her smile got wider with each passing second. She was hiding something, and her friends could obviously tell.
Twinkleshine definitely looked disturbed at this point, but she chose to leave it at that once she saw that Twilight was beginning to sweat bullets. “Ooooooookay. Library it is then. I don’t know why you’re acting so weird, but I’m not going to press.”
Twilight breathed a sigh of relief once the others started on their way again. Only Minuette stayed behind momentarily to talk with her once they were out of earshot.
“Alright, what’s going on?” Minuette inquired skeptically, slowly walking up in front of her. “You’re acting off again.”
“Please don’t ask…” Twilight replied softly. “I’d rather not talk about it…”
“I think I know what it is. You’re worried about seeing Moon Dancer after what you did back then, huh?”
Reluctantly, Twilight nodded. “Wouldn’t you…if you know you ruined somepony’s life beyond repair? I mean, The injuries she suffered from me were just…”
“I know,” Minuette replied solemnly. “She did have a hard time forgiving you after that and we eventually all lost touch with her. This will be our first time reaching out to her after so many moons.”
Twilight looked down in shame.
“I-I didn’t mean it like that!” The blue unicorn corrected herself quickly. “I’m sure-“ She took a deep breath and put a comforting hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “Everything is going to be fine. You’ll see. We’ll have the gang back together in no time!”
With that, they continued on and Twilight could feel the pit in her stomach growing with each minute that passed. Try as she might, she couldn’t escape the reality that had befallen on her. She was going to see Moon Dancer eventually, and she would have to atone for her sins whether she wanted to or not.
After all, the only way to truly move on was to face her past and confront it.
