I Want You To Know I Still Love You
Dear Princess Celestia,
How have you been? Forgive me if this letter finds you suddenly and seems a tad informal, but these are thoughts that have been in my head for quite a while, and while I have tried to give them meaning, organise them and put them in an eloquent order befitting of the lady I strive to be, I simply cannot.
Feelings are a strange thing, you see? You can’t explain them, you can’t make sense of them; at least not entirely. You know why they exist, you know what they do, but you simply can’t control them or know why they won’t go away, so please, forgive me if I happen to be blunt during this letter.
I want you to know I still love you.
Yes, even after all this time, I do. I have tried to move on and in a way I have, but in another, I can’t get rid of these feelings I hold for you. You remain in my thoughts even to this day, I wonder what you are doing, I wonder how you are doing, I wonder… I wonder if you still think of me the way I think of you, or if you ever did.
It feels a little selfish of me, but I can’t help it. I still love you.
I was naïve, perhaps. I was hopeful that it’d work out even though every rational piece of my being said otherwise. I knew it wouldn’t work, I was sure of it. And yet I wanted to try anyway, there’s always a chance, right? That’s what I told myself, that we’d make it work, that the distance between Ponyville and Canterlot was nothing, that your duties and mine wouldn’t be an impediment, that we could overcome any obstacle. If anyone could do it it’s you, you’re a princess for pony’s sake! But me? I’m just a seamstress.
Just a small-town seamstress who runs a small-town business. Successful, but barely enough to make ends meet. How was I so naïve to think it would work? Love is really a silly thing.
It really was love, you see? I fell for you, I’ve known you for years but when you came to me and asked us to try I felt like I was living one of my romance novels. A fairy tale in real life. I was if you’d pardon the expression, over the moon. Swept off my hooves, smitten and hopeful.
I was blinded by love and hope.
And the worst part is I’d do it all over again, I’d relive every moment we shared. Those nights we shared together, those plays we watched, even the times I made you angry with my less than stellar remarks. I met a side of you I had no idea existed, a side I wanted to see more, a side I felt like you hadn’t shown anypony else but me up to that point.
I felt blessed like I was shown a forbidden thing, something that nopony else had laid eyes on. It only made me love you more.
I wonder if you cherish these memories the same way I do, I wonder if you miss me the way I miss you.
Do you think of me the way I think of you? Did you feel for me as I feel for you?
You always felt distant, even when we were together, even when we laughed. Don’t get me wrong, I loved those moments, they’re memories I hold in high regard and look back onto with longing, but I wish you had been more open with me. I just wish you had let me see more of you.
But as I said before, it wasn’t meant to be, was it? No matter how many butterflies fluttered in my stomach, how hard my heartbeat for you, or how much I wished it, we were simply not meant to be.
A princess and a seamstress. It sounds very farfetched, doesn’t it?
But I wanted to believe, part of me still wants to, really. But I need to accept it can’t be, right? That’s why I’m writing this letter to you, perhaps this will finally let me move on.
Move on from the romantic feelings, mind you. We are and will always be friends, that won’t change; unless you ask that of me.
I suppose I’d do anything for you still. Isn’t that silly? We spent so little time together, dating, but I truly felt happy for that brief moment we did. If I could freeze those moments in time, I would in a heartbeat. Part of me still looks forward to a future with you and I can’t for the life of me figure why. Why is it you that has smitten me so? Is it because you are a princess? Is it because of what you showed me? I really don’t know, but here I am, smitten to this very day.
It’s probably too silly of me, but honestly? I don’t mind it. I love you, and I probably will continue to love you even if you don’t love me back. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. Why wouldn’t it be fine? Maybe I’m just a silly filly. Could you believe it? Me, a grown mare, stung by a lovebug this bad in my age.
It’s downright silly, but I don’t mind at all.
I wrote this letter for you because I felt the need to, I wanted to express myself, I wanted to let you know. I know you are busy, I know you have your own life to live and your own things to worry about. As do I, believe me. But I mean it when I say it, I still love you and you’re often in my thoughts.
I hope you are doing alright and that you will continue to be. I will continue to be your friend, no matter what, and I want you to know that, if you ever need me, for anything, you know where to find me.
Happy Hearth’s warming, Princess.
With love,
Rarity.