A massage to forget
It was one of those days.
Not a day when the universe flips you “the bird”, mind you. Although it does sometimes feel like I’m wearing a “kick me” sign that only the universe can see and kick, kick, kick–and then flip me the bird.
But no, this was a day when I was just bored. Wasn’t in the mood to read, making the books surrounding me in Twilight’s library feel to be yelling “Buzz off, I’m busy!” or whatnot. Board games are rather dull when playing solo. The gang was teaching at Twilight’s school, and my role as a “non-native bridge to pony society” for the non-pony students wasn’t needed today. Unlike Spike, yours truly has only been (and stuck) in Equestria for about fourteen months, so Twi cooked up the idea to offer me the previously mentioned role.
That alicorn’s smiling face when she asked me was too excited and adorkable to say “not a chance” to.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, right, there wasn’t much for me to do. Well, except lay on my back across a couch, and fiddle with the brim of my hat that has designs of a certain seven ponies’ Cutie Marks. Days such as these really make me wish TV or the internet existed in Equestria. Miss my favorite movies in my old world, like “Open Season” and “Pirates of the Caribbean”.
*creak*
“Hello? Eric? Are you here?”
Odd. It was Rarity’s voice calling out to me, but she should have still had classes. Even odder, her voice sounded a little strained for some reason.
“I’m in the library!”
Odder still, unless I was more bored than I thought, it was taking Rarity longer than usual to trot to the library.
Finally, one of the library’s doors creaked open in light-blue magic, and Rarity peeked her head through it.
“I thought you were teaching at the school. What’s up?”
“My back started hurting, so Twilight let me leave early and Starlight took over for me.”
“Oof. Sorry to hear your back’s acting up, but why are you here?”
“My first thought was to go home, but then I remembered something.” Rarity limped through the door – her back must have been aching bad – and she said, “I heard about how you give great massages, so would you mind massaging my back?”
“Me massage you?” I hadn’t pondered it, but Rarity was never assigned to me for massages when I was on the clock at Ponyville’s spa. “Sure, if it won’t be weird to you.”
She smiled comfortably. Rarity can be pretty cute when she smiles. “Of course not! It’s just a massage, not...more.”
“In that case, let’s do it! I was bored as all gets out in here.” I stood up from the couch. Uh-oh–Twilight doesn’t have any massage tables, but maybe the floor would be okay? “We can’t go to the spa and use their massage tables, but I could toss some blankets on the floor for you.”
“The floor?” She stared down toward the floor. Spike really moped it up good earlier; it was extra-shiny and sparkly. “It is not the most glamorous place in Equestria, but with some blankets, it will suffice. The floor does look prettier than usual.”
I hurried out of the library to grab some blankets, then ran back in and spread them on the floor in the middle of the library. “Is that enough?”
Rarity walked, again with a weak limp, to and slowly lay down on the blankets. “Ouch!” she yelped with a grimace on her face.
“Whoa, you okay?”
She nodded. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just my back again, and these will be enough blankets. I’m ready when you are.”
“Good. But first, where on your back is the most sore? I gotta know where to be the most careful.”
She pointed a forehoof toward her lower back. “Right there.”
“All right. I’m about to begin and as I rub, tell me if you want me to move or go back to a specific spot.”
“I will, and thank you so much for this.”
I pressed against the back of Rarity’s neck to kick things off – mares in particular enjoy it when massages start at their necks. After that little warm-up, I worked my way to her back and mixed slow, tender, circular rubs with firmer strokes of my palms. Despite the pony somewhat resembling a talking marshmallow, Rarity wasn’t as squishy as one; her lower back felt rigid and unyielding, but her upper back and neck was softer and almost pokable. Her fur, whether on her neck or back, felt silky as my palms brushed against it. It had to be some of the softest fur ever.
“Hmm, this is amazing! Your hands’ perfect speed of movement and the amount of pressure applied...marvelous!”
“Thanks, I try.” I slid my palms from her back down to one of her sides and switched in strokes and rubs on it. “Apparently, a reason ponies love my massages is because I have hands, but I don’t know why.”
“I see. If you don't mind, these massages could be a regular event. I will pay you, of course.”
“That won’t be nec–”
“I will pay you and that is final, darling,” she said in her stern, hoof-putting-down voice.
“Then can I at least give you a discount? You never wanted anything back for the clothes you made me after Twilight found me in Equestria, but always said stuff like, ‘that’s what friends are for, darling.’” I couldn’t fix my hair into Rarity’s mane style as I did, so I settled for just quoting her in my best Rarity voice. “Heh heh, how was my imitation of you? Did I nail the ‘darling’ part?”
“Tee-hee, your imitations could use a little work, but I will relent to your discount offer. It would be impolite for a lady to deny such a nice gentlestallion’s–uh, gentlecreature’s request such as yourself.”
I continued my work on Rarity’s back and sides. The tenseness of even her lower back slowly melted away under my palms.
“Oh, could you go back to my neck?”
“Your neck? Okay.”
“Yes, that’s the spot. Now could you move to my back again? Oh, yes, right there! Hmm...hmm...”
“You like my moves, huh?”
“Very much.”
Rarity’s moaning deepened. It was long, slow, and...saucy?
*moan*
Okay, yeah, definitely saucy–no, outright erotic! My stomach turned, internal shakes shivered through me, and I nearly flinched away. This moaning mare lying in front of me was my friend!
“Hmm...hmm...yes! Right there! Harder!”
Yep, this officially got creepy. Rarity was acting like a mare getting ‘pounded’, if you know what I mean!
‘Knock it off! I’m not Spike or Applejack!’
Obviously, thoughts alone were...ineffective, so I threw a jab in Rarity’s ribs with a bit more force than I meant to.
“OH, YES! Do that again!”
Did my punch backfire! Couldn’t throw a harder punch and risk hurting Rarity, so I delivered another, weaker one, and hoped she wouldn’t scream in joy again.
“Yes! Oh... *moan*...oh, Eric!”
But if she kept it up, unleashing a haymaker with “Big Bessie” – my left fist when throwing an all-out punch – would become tempting!
Finally, and I mean finally, the massage was done. Ms. Moan-a-lot stood up and said, “Oh, that was a fantastic massage, truly. You should be one of the highest-paid masseurs in all of Equestria!” she ended with a wink of one of her eyes.
Bet my face glowed red at her wink, or redder due to the moaning still assaulting my noggin! “T-thanks. Now that I’m done, I gotta...do something.”
“Okay, and thank you again! My back already feels so much better!”
With a big smile, Rarity wrapped her forelegs around me in a hug.
“Yes! Oh... *moan*...oh, Eric!”
Rarity’s hugs are usually comforting and pleasant, especially with her exceptionally soft fur pressing against me. But this hug, thanks to the images and sounds of my most recent “experience” bouncing in my head...no. Luckily, she let me go before the urge to shove her off overwhelmed me, and she strode out the library, but with no limp.
It was great that her back appeared to be better, but I sure wasn’t! What did I just go through? What did I hear?! The moaning. Oh, Celestia the moaning! Worse, I’d have to suffer through it again, on a regular basis!
Being bored never sounded so appealing. In fact, even Queen Chrysalis returning sounded pretty good.
It might have been hours since Equestria’s most awkward massage, but the sounds of Rarity moaning and yelling “Oh, Eric!” wouldn’t stop wailing on the inside of my head. I almost wanted to keep lying on my bed, staring up toward the ceiling, forever, and away from you-know-who. I had at least turned a picture of her attached to my dresser’s mirror the other way for the moment. I was freaked out enough without her “watching” me.
“Hi, Buggie. I thought you’d be somewhere else.”
Geez, I may never view the unicorn named “Rarity” the same way again.
“Uh, Buggie?”
Whoops. I looked at my doorway, and there stood Starlight.
“S-sorry about that. I was in thoughts.” I sat up on my bed.
“Oh.” Starlight trotted across my room and to the side of my bed, and asked, “Is something wrong?”
I shook my head. Couldn’t tell her what happened! “Uh, no, it’s nothing.”
“Okay, what is it?” she asked more seriously.
“What?”
She scowled and answered, “Eric, you and I both know that whenever you say it’s ‘nothing’ like that, it means ‘something’, so what is it?”
Starlight, as well as Twilight, typically addresses me as “Buggie”, a nickname they gave me (shortly after I thought up “Starie” as a nickname I often use for Starlight), but when they call me by my real name, there’s usually a reason. In this case, it meant to stop my nonsense and fess up. “Should have known you wouldn’t fall for that anymore.” I fiddled my fingers as I said, “You win, so I’ll talk: earlier, Rarity stopped by and asked me to massage her.”
“She did?” Starie put away her scowl and just seemed puzzled, going by her frown and rubbing of her head. “I thought she went home to rest her back.”
“She came because her back was hurting and hoped my massages could help. So, I...gave her one.”
“Did she think you were bad?”
“No, it wasn’t that. As I was massaging her, Rarity, uh...moaned.”
“Moaning? Like in pain?”
“No, as in joy. Too much joy.”
“Too much? How–”
“Fine, Starie. I’ll stop beating around the bush and say she moaned like a mare in the middle of sex.”
“WHAT?!” Her eyes shrank and her mouth dropped. I’ll admit it was an amusing sight.
“Yeah, you heard me! At first, she wasn’t, but eventually Rarity started moaning, then yelled stuff like ‘Right there!’ or ‘Harder, Eric’! I almost wanted to dump some ice on her, just to cool her off!”
“Oh…” Her mouth quivered. It could only mean one thing.
“You’re gonna laugh your head off, aren’t you?”
“N-no, I-I’m not going to…*snicker*...to...ha ha ha!” Starie must be part-pony and part-laughing hyena due to how she laughed...and kept laughing.
On the bright side, this was far better than hearing Rarity’s sexual moaning. Starie even looked kinda cute laughing.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, but you turned Rarity on! Ha ha ha! I didn’t know your massages had that effect on mares!”
“They usually don’t, and if Rarity’s moaning wasn’t bad enough, I punched her weakly at one point, but all it did was make that pony scream in delight!”
Laughlight cackled harder and collapsed to the floor. Tears actually rolled from her eyes.
At least one of us was in a good mood. You’d never guess she wouldn’t hesitate to die for me if you only saw her laughing here.
Once her pony side overrode the hyena side, Laughing Filly calmed down and stood to her hooves. One last giggle eeked from her lips.
“You done?” I asked with my arms crossed.
“Yeah, and I’m sorry for laughing, but can you blame me? I bet you would be laughing if it happened to me!”
“With how you love making bets, maybe we’ll have that bet someday. Anyway, I agreed to give Rarity massages regularly, so how can I get out of this mess? Explaining to her why I shouldn’t massage her ever again would be as weird as massaging her. How can a guy tell a mare that?!”
“Buggie! Are you here?!” Twilight called out from somewhere in the castle.
“I’m in my room! You want something?”
“No, but Rarity’s here to talk to you about massages! Would it be okay if she comes to your room, or are you busy?”
Crud. Couldn’t try to sneak out since I went and confirmed where I was.
“I think you’re going to have to tell Rarity the truth. But look at it this way: if you don’t, you’re gonna hear her moan every time you massage her, over and over, and–”
I slapped my hand over her mouth. It’s rare I shut Starlight up; yapping on and on is usually a Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle trait. “Okay, you made your point. I’ll get it over with.” I uncovered her mouth.
“Buggie?! Did you hear me?!”
“Y-yeah I did, Twi! Tell Rarity she can come!” I pushed myself off my bed, took a big, rumbling breath, and braced myself.
What was coming would not be fun.
Starie patted me on my back. “If it makes you feel better, I’ll stay and give you some moral support. Besides, hee hee, I can’t miss this anyway!”
Starlight Glimmer, Element of Brutal Honesty and the School of Friendship’s Guidance Counselor. She didn’t even keep it to herself how she would enjoy having a front-row seat of “The Eric & Rarity Show”. This episode’s plot: Eric tells Rarity she moans like a mare getting laid.
The co-star of the big show trotted to my doorway and cheerfully said, “Greetings, Starlight, and my little masseur.”
A pony calling me little now. That’s a new one, even if most mares are around my height, believe it or not.
“Hey, Rarity. Uh–”
“I know I said it before, but your massage earlier was sublime! I don’t know why I never asked you for one.”
“Yeah, about that: I’m...uh...not sure if I should massage you again.”
“Really?” She frowned. “Why ever not? Did I say something wrong?”
“I...guess you could say that.”
“Well, what was it?”
I scraped the floor with my foot–a habit that rubbed off on me from seeing ponies do the move with hooves when they’re nervous. “It’s uh…”
With bigger, sympathetic eyes, Rarity walked to my bedside and said softly, “Eric, if I said something to upset you, I want to apologize for it and be aware to not say it again. But I can’t ensure that I won’t repeat my mistake if you don’t tell me what I said wrong.”
“Sorry, but you’ll know why I was...hesitant when I tell you.”
“Then please hurry and tell me. I can tell it made you quite uncomfortable, whatever it was.”
There was no alternative. Trying to say it lightly would have ended with me stuttering again and possibly annoy Rarity, so I just had to be frank. “Fine. I’ll say it bluntly: when I was massaging you, you were moaning like you were seconds away from orgasming.”
Rarity’s pupils restricted, and her mouth fell even further than Starie’s did previously. “I WAS WHAT?!”
The pony-laughing hyena hybrid muffled a giggle.
“Yeah, and you yelling ‘Harder!’ and ‘Right there!’ didn’t help either! Everything I tried to get you to...calm down only further invigorated you!”
“On dear...now that I think of it, I suppose I was moaning a bit too much. I am so sorry, but why didn’t you tell me?”
“Trust me, I wanted to, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it! It was awkward enough as it is!”
“So you let me keep going?!” She moaned, and this one wasn’t saucy. “Honestly, Eric!”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t think straight when I’m nervous or rattled! I can’t help it!” I threw my hands over my eyes in raw frustration. “Ugh!”
I uncovered my eyes and noticed Rarity’s sympathetic eyes made a second appearance. “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad just now, and I know that you struggle when you’re...flustered. However, it may be best if we skip any future massages. Even if I try to stop moaning during them, knowing I did would make it difficult to enjoy yours again, no matter how heavenly they are.”
“That works for me,” I said, which was a huge understatement!
“Good.” She glanced toward the doorway. “Anyway, I came to discuss how much I would pay for the next massages, but since that...won’t be required, I shall head home.”
“Okay, see you later.”
Rarity trotted out of my room. I was off the hook for giving her more massages! Yes!
“Heh heh, so, you give very good massages, huh, Eric?” a familiar, smug female voice asked.
Oh no. My eyes widened. I wasn’t facing where the voice came from, but it could only belong to a certain pesky, braggy, but occasionally semi-lovable blue unicorn.
“Uh-oh. I forgot Trixie came back to the castle with me.”
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. I turned my head toward my doorway and to a snickering Trixie. “You overheard everything, didn’t you?”
Trixie nodded, her big, fat, stupid grin growing bigger. I would be in for a great and powerful teasing whenever Ms. Powerful sees me till she eventually got bored of it.
In other words, thirty years, unless I was willing to pay my way out.
“Trixie, if you promise to never mention this again, I’ll give you thirty bits.”
“Make it forty, and the Great and Powerful Trixie will consider it forgotten.”
“Deal.”