Part I
Tossing and turning, rolling over and under, cocooning and unraveling. How many ways can a changeling rustle around in their bed sheets? The hotel bed was a mess of bunched up sheets, strewn about pillows, and a comforter that had been thrown haphazardly aside.
Discomfort was drawn on Ocellus’ face as plainly as she could feel it all over her body. It wasn’t an itchy, achey, or nauseous discomfort, just the feeling of unrelenting restlessness.
Reading didn’t do anything for her. Incenses and herbs were still lit from her horribly failed meditation attempt. She slammed her hooves on the bed and screamed out her hopelessness into her pillow.
It had been such a good day too.
Professor Autumn Blaze had taken them all to Manehattan for a theatre field trip. Yona had convinced them all to go on the trip together just like she had wrangled them into that summer play.
Ocellus marvelled at the architecture and the long storied history of the theatre they visited. The highlight was a story the tour guide told about a troubled but beautiful performance of As You Like It sixty years ago. She could have listened to that mare’s story for hours.
Now it was all ruined because of her stupid body or her dumb brain. She didn’t know which.
“Yona, Silver, Smo, I can’t focus,” she called out to the adjacent bedroom—the others had agreed to let Ocellus use the second room as a private reading room. “You want to bounce me around as a ball till I can’t think anymore? It’ll be fun! I can be really bouncy!”
No response.
“Girls?” Ocellus called out again.
Still nothing. Ocellus crept toward their door. The hotel was too quiet for her noisy bunch of friends. The room should have been booming with their laughter and unrestrained outdoor voices. Instead she could only hear the ceaseless buzzing of her wings refusing to be contained within their feeble shell.
The room was empty. It was a mess—to be expected—but still empty. They weren’t under the bed nor in the bathroom and then it hit her. She forgot all about Silverstream’s plan for them to all go to a restaurant.
It was fine. She had a map. She could just go meet them there.
“Oh wait.”
Silver never told her which restaurant it was.
“This is fine. It's all fine,” she told herself. She just had to keep herself busy with cleaning the room and she’d forget all about whatever is going on with her body. It wasn’t working. She had to do something. Something had to change!
“I wonder what the boys are doing,” she thought aloud.
As the words left her maw, the strange restlessness that had been dancing across her body like static, made a wave down her spine. It felt oddly right. She felt her ears perk up. The nearby mirror drew her body in. She looked at herself in the mirror, blue flames stirring at her feet.
“I wonder”—she smiled—“what the boys are doing.”
“Sandbaaaaaaaar,” Gallus whined.
He had spread himself over Sandbar’s belly who had already long given up on trying to get his field trip assignment done in Gallus’ presence. The griffon had a war plan of annoyance tactics. First there was bouncing a ball over his head when he tried to write, and taking all of his pencils and quills to use as personal playthings.
Now, he resorted to just being needy.
Sandbar let out a sigh. “Fine, what do you want? Since apparently getting my assignment done is illegal.”
“I’m bored!”
“Then we can write our paper on the camaraderie of theatre together.”
“Nooo, that's even more boring,” Gallus twisted himself around to lay atop Sandbar beak to snout, “Sandy we’re in the big city for one more night and you want to waste it doing homework. You’re making your inner child cry!”
“I’m actually very intouch with my inner child. I’ve been taking these sessions with Pink—”
Gallus shoved a talon against Sandbar's lips. “Shss shss shsh. We!” He grabbed Sandbar by the shoulders and flew him out toward the window overlooking the city washed in lights backdropped against a starless sky. “Are going out!”
“This is so exciting. A real boys night out.”
Gallus and Sandbar froze. Their ears twitched at the sound of a voice both familiar and strange. Each whipped their heads straight behind them, back to their intruding friend who loo different.
“When did you get in here!” Sandbar yelped. “I didn’t even hear the door.”
“Uh, boy’s night?” Gallus asked.
“Yeah, boys night.” That strange voice came from Ocellus.
She squeezed between her best guy friends. Her only guy friends really.
“Just, me and the boys!'' Ocellus smiled.
Gallus’ ears fluttered in reaction to every syllable from the changeling’s mouth. Ocellus’ voice was so boyish. Still soft and gentle as he was used to hearing, but with a deeper resonance.
Sandbar tilted one of his ears. “Is something up?”
“Yeah, are you in some type of mood? You’re not usually this energetic or eh,” Gallus gestured to Ocellus’ whole being with a sweep of his wing, “all this.”
“Oh, you mean all this?” Ocellus stepped back looking over their own body.
For the most part it looked the same as usual. Blue in colour, small and thin, covered in a bug-like shell. From there, the differences were minor but immediately recognizable. A little taller, an ounce bulkier, and with a more discernible but soft jawline.
“I just felt like a change of pace I guess,” Ocellus said.
“Is that something you can just feel like?” Gallus asked.
“It happens sometimes. I just normally do it in private.” Ocellus looked to his friends and was met with twin looks of confusion “You can just think of me as one of the boys for the day. Unless it's making you uncomfortable then I can turn back.”
“No no n—” Gallus cut himself off with a cough, “I mean. It's fine. You just don't normally do this kind of thing y'know. It's a little shocking.”
“I know. I guess these sorts of feelings build up when I have to hold back on transforming here,” Ocellus said, “Or maybe Silver and Smolder's impulses are rubbing off on me.”
“So uhh,” Sandbar twitched his neck around trying to stimulate the words out of his throat, “Can we still call you Ocellus?”
“Eh? Did Ocellus seem like a gendered name to you guys?”
Sandbar and Gallus turned into a duet of coughs and sputters.
No. I mean… well. Who can really say… I mean, like.... It's uh... Y’know. It has an O.
Whaaat naah, pfft Who me—I didn’t—I never thought—It’s sorta—Changeling names am I right?
“Yes, my name’s still Ocellus. Now come on, I wanna focus on boys night! Where are we going?”
In Ponyville when the sun went down, so did the town—Manehattan was nothing like Ponyille. Ponies were still on the mainstreets in droves. What creatures always said about the city was that ponies will pass you by without a care, that no one says hi, let alone look at you on the street. That was probably true, but to Ocellus it was feeling like a big fat lie right now. He could—to some extent literally—feel eyes on him and Gallus as they walked by.
He was a changeling and Gallus had an interesting colouration. Some staring was only natural. If they were only just stares. No, they were getting looks . It was one thing to see girls walk by Gallus and hear them murmur amongst themselves. That was everyday, but Ocellus had never felt it happen to himself before.
For a moment, he thought maybe he had given in to his vanity a little too much. Accidentally made himself a bit too ideal. It wouldn’t be the first time. It's only natural for a shapeshifter to want to make themselves look desirable.
Ocellus followed Sandbar’s lead, who was following Gallus’ lead. It’s not like either of them knew a thing about Manehattan. Ocellus had done his research. He knew about the city’s rich theatre history, some museums, a couple must see restaurants, a marvelous aquarium, and an amazing zoo, but none of that was very boys' night.
Clubs, bars, and hitting on girls; that was boys night! Or at least that's what listening to sitcoms on the radio had taught him. Just one night like the stories and Gallus was going to lead him straight to it.
If only he had any idea where in the pluck Gallus was taking them. The brightly lit and crowded downtown streets turned into quiet avenues lit only by street lamps and home only to groups of griffons and mules lounging on stoops and street corners.
Sandbar inched closer to Ocellus’ side.
Ocellus buzzed his wings. “Gallus, where exactly are we going?”
“Yeah dude, is it really safe out here?”, Sandbar asked nervously. “I’ve heard stories about the city, and they aren’t nice.”
“Aww don’t tell me you're scared of other creatures now?” Gallus said, smirking over his tail.
“What!” Sandbar practically choked on his own rebuttal, “No! It's not like that. It's just ya know, dark out here and it looks rough.”
“Oh, you know what the rough side of a city looks like?”
“Well… no.”
With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, Ocellus slung a foreleg over Sandbar’s shivering shoulder. “Don’t worry. Gallus wouldn’t lead us somewhere we’d get hurt. Isn’t that right Gallus?”
“Not on purpose,” he said with a coy gesture of his hand and a devilish deliberate snicker.
Feeling the weight of frustration drag his eyes down Ocellus mumbled, “You could try to not tease him for ten seconds.”
Gallus led them into some sort of apartment complex. They stopped at an entrance lit only by a single bright orange light above a thin metal barred door that reminded Ocellus of a dungeon. As Gallus gripped the rusty black bars it creaked like one too.
The tight eerily lit hall was only made more uncomfortable when all they could hear was the sound of each other's steps and… music? Muffled, and bassy, but that was certainly the sound of music as they turned down a set of stairs that's clearly seen its share of stains. Fruit punch stains Ocellus told himself.
“This is it.” Gallus stopped in front of a dark apartment door. It was dark and secluded, the only light came from the barred gap just near the ceiling that let in the hazy street light.
Ocellus and Sandbar huddled together forming a two headed, eight legged sentry keeping watch for danger.
Knock click knock click click bang.
Once Gallus had finished his performance with the door, the peep hole slid back revealing a set of yellow eyes. A coy smile and a flick of his tail and the door opened right up for him.
I’ve gotta learn how to do that, Ocellus thought.
“Come on in, guys, Wonderland awaits,” Gallus said, skipping through the door with his tail up like a peacock.
The door must have been a portal because there was no way this was the same place. Dreamy mist drifted across their feet, spilling out from the dark hall before them lined with a ruby red glow along the edges of the floor. At the other end of the hall, a door with a logo of a sultry griffon all in Neon. Light burst through the crack of the door as it yawned open.
“Dude, how did you know about a place like this?” Sandbar asked, making sure to stick as close as possible.
“How is this place…” The words dropped off Ocellus’ tongue as he stared slack jawed at the dancing lights and decorations.
He could have sworn he had was walking into some rundown apartment. Whatever magician had cast the spell to turn the interior into the most extravagant nightclub he’d ever seen—and he'd snuck his way into quite a few for research purposes—must be the best in the world.
Gallus shot his friends a prideful smile.“What can I say? I'm well connected. You guys wanna hit the bar first or make some bets?”
“Geez, is there a casino here too?” asked Sandbar.
“Nah, they got a small racetrack in the back. Real underground stuff. There's a pool too if you prefer that. I can show you the ropes for either really.“
“I dunno man. I don’t really have that kind of money besides.” Sandbar shrank as he looked around himself. “I’m not really sure this is my kinda thing it’s all so… adult ya know? I mean we shouldn’t even be out drinking on a field trip, right Ocellus?” Sandbar turned to the empty space on his left. “Ocellus?”
“Do you have Kahlua here? Yes, I want that please and thank you.” Ocellus had already made himself at home at the bar.
“Oh.”
“Drinks first it is.” Gallus gave Sandbar a slap on the back that nearly shook the pony off his hooves. “Loosen up a bit, it’s all cool. You can have water if you want. Probably better if one of us stays clear headed anyway.”
Changelings have an expanded sense of the world. Contrary to what some rumors might say a changeling can’t see everything around them, but they do have a vague sense for feelings. Changeling representatives compare it to the way ponies claim they can get the feeling of being watched except for real.
Right now, Ocellus was getting the vaugest feeling someone was looking at his butt, like, really staring.
“Hey, Cel.” Gallus said, taking the seat beside him, and bumping into his shoulder.
Sandbar sat on Ocellus’ other side looking like a small breed shivering at the dog park.
“Oh, hey Gallus.” Ocellus stifled a laugh. His eyes were drawn to Gallus’ tail and just how much it was curling back and forth, more like a housecat than a lion. With each trip it came just a little bit closer to brushing against his chitin. “Hey were you, uhh?”
His tail stopped, “Was I what?”
The nausea of blush —just one of the downsides of being a changeling— rushed up to Ocellus’ face. “Nevermind. It's nothing.”
“Did you guys even bring the money to be drinking like this?” Sandbar shuffled in his seat as if bits would fall from behind his ears. “I've only got a couple bits on me.”
“Well, I don’t know about Gallus, but me and Yona got credit cards from the kingdom with a monthly limit. I can get you anything.”
Smirk taking over his face, Gallus leaned into the bar table. His skinny blue body melted into it in a way that showed off that feline fluidity. “Please, I’ve never paid for a drink at a bar in my life. Check this out.”
Gallus turned back to the rest of the bar. The way his eyes scanned the room was like when he’d hunt for mice on the school grounds. They landed on a lone griffon. His tail waved for their attention in slow sweeping motions, and on command Gallus’ target came over.
A chipper looking griffon waltzed over to their end of the bar. “Hey lil’ hen. Did I catch your attention?” Ocellus could swear she saw Gallus’ ears twitch at the word hen.
“I just caught the light shimmering off those golden feathers.”
When Gallus spoke, the other griffon’s confident smirk fell flat for a moment. His tail twisted behind him as if to mimic the gears turning in his head. His tail stopped. Processing complete. The golden griff leaned in, his smile even brighter than before. “Aren't I the one who’s supposed to pay the cutie compliments? That's how the game usually goes doesn’t it.”
“I’m a little busy tonight. I don’t wanna play typical. I just want to see a nice guy and let him know what's up.”
“Then you can lay it all on me over a drink.” He tapped the bar with his talon “Yo, Dulland, what ever glass he wants on my tab”
“Daiquiri please.”
“So you wanna find a table to talk?”
“Actually, I’m showing my friends around tonight,” Gallus gestured. Ocellus gave his wavering shot of his most flattering smile while Sandbar plainly waved with a glazed grin and a ‘sup’. “They’re not exactly night people so I can’t leave ‘em alone. Buuut I already took your drink so tell you what.” Gallus took a napkin and one of Sandbar’s stolen pencils. “This is the hotel I’m staying at.”
That wasn’t the right hotel, Ocellus noted.
“Come by reception tomorrow and we can meet up.”
Ocellus turned his eyes toward his drink. They’d be back in Ponyville by tomorrow night.
“And maybe if my friends here find some entertainment of their own. I can come find you myself.”
“Hotel? You’re just a tourist yourself then? You sure you don’t need someone to help you around.”
“I know the city well enough to find this place don’t I?” Gallus slid the other griffon the napkin, and waved him off. For a moment it didn’t seem like he was quite going to leave them alone but after some thought the Griffon seemed satisfied enough with the address and left.
Ocellus stared in plain astonishment. “Wow, just like that?”
“Just like that.”
“You just sit at the bar and guys get you drinks cause you’re pretty?”
“Hey, I have to work it a bit.” His hips punctuated his sentence, and Ocellus was happy to study their style of grammar. “It doesn’t just fall in my lap. Besides it’s just not guys but yeah, mostly guys. They’re more fun.”
“If I had a bit for every time some dude walked up to me, pointed at Gallus, and went ‘yo dude you gotta introduce me to her,' I could buy this place myself.” Sandbar leaned his face into his hoof. “And everytime I tell em ‘Dude, Gallus is a guy.’ and the crazy thing is almost every time they’re even more interested. I don’t get it!” Sandbar beat a hoof against the table. “They already want a cute girl! Why would they want a guy that looks like a girl even more? I don’t understand.”
Gallus smirked.“It’s cause ya’ don’t got taste, Sandy.”
“We find your lack of culture disturbing.” Ocellus and Gallus shared a fist bump and a laugh.
“I swear I’m the last straight stallion on earth.”
“Yeah probs.” Gallus shrugged.
“RIP to the pony race” Ocellus raised his glass before downing a gulp of his drink. “To think we spent a thousand years in a secret war with ponies when all we had to do was wait for them to gay themselves away. Years of academy, wasted.”
“Really played yourselves huh?” added Gallus.
“Playing everyone—especially ourselves—Is the entirety of changeling history.”
Sandbar took another sip of his responsible horse water. “So speaking of the changelings. Is this whole thing like, a changeling thing?”
The three took the moment to look Ocellus over from head to toe again, and as much as Ocellus could get distracted checking out his own transformations, he couldn’t help but notice one of these boy’s eyes was lingering on places a bit more than the other.
“What? Do you like it?” Ocellus’ impish grin may have been directed at Sandbar, but he wasn’t the one who could feel Ocellus’ hoof brushing against their paw.
Sandbar groaned. “We were just over this. I’m like a line segment. Two points, no deviations.”
“Yeah I know. Anyway, I don’t think so.” Ocellus took a long sip of his kahlua. The smooth taste rolled through as she tried to align all the scrabble pieces in his head into the actual thoughts an intelligent being would have. “So, ponies change their hair all the time. Sometimes you get tired of something and want to try a new style.” Scrabble is a harder game than ponies think.
“Yeah, changing your whole gender is totally like that,” scoffed Gallus.
“He can transform dude, it kinda is like that,” Sandbar replied flatly.
“I guess it is really easy for us, but I still think the feeling’s pretty normal. Sure, I have the luxury of just acting on it whenever, but don’t either of you ever wonder what it's like to be a girl sometimes?”
Silence.
“Don’t go dark on me.”
The boys silence persisted. Ocellus sighed and tried his best to arrange more of his thoughts. “The girls think about it. Being a guy sometimes I mean.” The boys raised a brow. “Yeah, Yona talks about it alot. How she swears she’d be as big as her dad already if she was a boy, and that she’d be the most desirable boy yak in the village. Silver wonders if she’d end up with white feathers like her brother. Smolder jokes about how’d she hate it cause she’d be as dumb as all the other boys.”
“Doesn’t Smolder get mistaken for a boy enough?” Gallus said. Even if she was nowhere near he had to tease Smolder somehow.
“I guess, but I don’t think she takes it in stride the way you do. The look on her face scares me whenever someone calls her a guy.
“But really, I think most creatures wonder at least a little. Just sit there and think ‘what if I was born the other way’. Ask themselves questions like ‘what would it be like’ 'If they’d be different' 'If it's any better' I guess I just get to, well… do it. Whenever.
“Not to brag but… I can turn into a bird or a hippogriff or whatever, but just turning into something as simple as the guy version of myself is… well it's really fun. I don’t know why but I just feel really relaxed.”
“I’ve wondered. Not a lot or anything. But when my mom was having my sister I was like ‘dang, that could have been me’ and that's kinda crazy y’know. I could have been She-bar.”
Gallus scoffed, “They wouldn’t name you that.”
“She-bar!”
Ocellus chuckled. “I think that's a Saddle Arabian name.”
Sandbar tapped his chin. “Now that I think of it. I think you just made me think of my Uncle Sawdust for the first time in years. Waaaay tougher dude than my dad. He had these daughters. When I’d visit they’d play dress up with me and treat me like I was their third sister. It felt kinda weird, but I liked it at the time cause my uncle was super tough on boys. Wanted me to do all this work and heavy lifting and woodsy stuff that just wasn’t me. Whenever I was there I wished I really was a girl so he’d just stop getting on my case.”
Gallus fiddled with his cup.“I used to think about it as a kid sometimes," clinks of his talon tapping against glass filled the space between his sentences, "When I was sitting there in the alleys watching adults walk by I used to think about how pretty girls were. It was better than everything else I had to think about anyway. And I just thought it’d be nice to be that pretty. Most men in Griffonstone don’t give 2 bits about their appearance unless they’re already rich so I just thought that boys couldn’t be pretty for a while. You’d think half starving kid would have better things to worry about, but I just really wanted what girls had.”
“Do you still want it?” Ocellus asked.
There was a pause. A pause long enough for Ocellus to start thinking. He held on to his drink and crossed his hindlegs to resist the urge to tap. He could have sworn he heard a shocked hic come from Gallus' throat. It was only a few moments, seconds even, but each second where Gallus of all people doesn’t have a snappy response feels like a year.
This isn’t the feeling’s forum Ocellus, what are you doing! Think before you speak!
Ocellus’ shaking lips burst open. “I’m sorry I jus—”
“I think I managed to steal it on my own—” Gallus’s smirk and fingergun fell limp as he realised what he just spoke over. “What?”
“Hm! Nothing!” There was another short pocket of silence before Ocellus muttered, “ I uh just wanted to fill the dead air.”
“Oh that's it? Sorry, my drink just went down the wrong pipe a little.” Gallus let out a chuckle, one less confident than all that came before it. “ but yeah I uh, feel fine about it I guess. Childhood stuff ya know. Besides, I've got pretty good at fixing myself up.”
“…yeah.”
The conversation had hit a wall, a barbed and electrified wall. Gallus nodded to the music, Ocelles stole glances of creatures on the dance floor. Ice cubes clacked against the Ocelles' glass.
"Hey…" Sandbar stared ahead straight at the wall of drinks he hardly knew how to pronounce. His blue friends' attention went to him and the empty stare they were all too familiar with before a question. “What's up with all these different types of drinks anyway? Like isn’t just an alcohol enough?”
Ocellus and Gallus’ posture shot up in a second. Ocellus went on about rums and vodkas and the unique qualities found in liquors all over Equestria, while Gallus told stories about the sweet tongue tingling flavors of margaritas, daiquiris and all sorts of cocktails.
Gallus finished his drink “As much as I love talking about weird stuff, we could have done that back at the hotel room. I got some bits and this place got a pool table.”
“I dunno dude, my cousin got into gambling and he’s never been the same.”
“You don’t have to bet, Sandbar.” Ocellus said, patting Sandbar’s back.
“It’d make you a wimp though.”
Ocellus sighed “I’ll play if you leave our sweet little pony alone for a bit. He's too delicate for the evils of the night.”
As they set off for the pool table, Sandbar mumbled something about actually having a job.