Chapter 1: Long Drive
Can’t Snuff the Rooster
A My Little Pony and The Ranch Crossover
Chapter 1: Long Dive
The sound of thunder echoed throughout the area. Rain began to pour heavily, and for a lone man on a motorcycle it was literally the storm that would change everything. Jamerson Bennett, better known as Rooster to his family and friends, rode on the highway while the rain poured. A thousand thoughts rushed through his head as he rode. Nick’s threat to him, which didn’t bother him so bad. He could take care of himself, but worry for Colt, Abby, Mary, and his dad filled his head.
He didn’t like the idea of laying low, and he really didn’t like the idea of running when threatened, but there wasn’t much choice. As it was he was checked into an old motor lodge, and currently there was a McRib in his saddlebag on his motorcycle. He began to go around the curve on the darkened highway when he felt the rear wheel of his motorcycle slip. The fight to keep on the road began, but it was destined to be a fight he wouldn’t win.
He felt the motorcycle leave the road, still he fought to maintain control over it, and then he felt it find air. Everything that he had worried about seemed so pointless. There was nothing, not a single thing, that was more important than this moment. He felt the freedom of the air, the pull of gravity, and all he could do was hold onto his bike as it ended up doing a nose dive straight into the river. The moment he hit the river he expected to be dead. He certainly expected anything other than being pulled from the river. He choked and gagged as was pulled onto the river bank.
Gasping for air he kept his eyes closed.
“Thanks, thought for a minute there that I ate my last McRib.”
“Eeeyup,” a deep voice said.
The voice sounded familiar, something he had heard once when working at the Old McConnel Ranch. It had been the sound coming from the Ranch house when the owner’s daughter was watching her favorite cartoon. He looked up to see a powerful looking individual. He could see loads of muscle across two shoulders. Looking up further he noticed something off by the sight of the silhouette of the man who saved him.
The moonlight happened to hit the other man just right and he realized what it was that was sitting wrong. His face wasn’t human, but instead there was an almost cartoonish pony-like look to it. The voice he had heard made sense. He closed his eyes, pinched his arm, and felt pain. He opened them again to see a confused looking… man, stallion, pony stud, the possible names to call him was staggering.
“Okay, where am I?”
The large blond headed, red furred humanoid pony thing shrugged and looked behind him, “You’re ‘bout twelve miles outside of Ponyville. I jest happen to be coming by the river for some night fishin’, then somepony done went and made too much noise, scared the fish away.”
“Ponyville?” he sighed, “Fuck, sorry, but fuck… Okay, I’m likely outcold, on the side of the riverbank, hopefully some hot broad has pulled me up and currently they’re going through my pockets.”
The red stallion looked at him, “Fella, ya alright? Ya sound like ya done went and banged yer head purty hard.”
He looked at him, “Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just guessing that this is a dream. Because I’m not one of your kind, obviously.”
The stallion looked at him, “Ya sure ‘bout that?”
The large red stallion pointed to the clear blue water of the river behind him. Even with the current going he could see the bottom, and he could see reflections above it. There looking back at him, with the glow of the moon behind him, was a slate gray stallion, with brown hair, a scraggly beard, and large brown eyes. He took a look at it, and his eyes grew large.
“What the fuck?!”
Confusion filled his mind. This certainly wasn’t right. He wasn’t a pony, but then he wasn’t exactly one now either. Maybe the cartoon had been borderline on some of that furry porn, not that he looked at it, but okay he was man enough to admit that some of the artists out there could draw a pretty stacked pokemon. Looking at himself he realized that he was at least human in basic terms. He had a human-like chest, two hands, both with three fingers and a thumb, two legs, and what looked like his boots at the end of them.
He was wearing his jeans, shirt, and jacket, but it didn’t stop the confusion. He closed his eyes for a moment.
“Okay, I’m going to go on with this being a dream,” he said sounding less certain than he wanted to be, “But for argument sakes, if someone fell into the river, didn’t have a place to go, or anything like that would there be a place he could sleep for the night?”
The larger male looked at him, “If’n ya ain’t got bits then there’s the kindness of strangers lettin’ ya have a couch or a barn loft. Gonna figure ya ain’t got bits?”
He dug into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a little leather bag. It had a patch he’d thought was so funny from Pulp Fiction on the front, slightly altered apparently. Instead of Bad Motherfucker it had Bad Motherplucker. He shook it off, opened it and saw about two hundred golden coins. Back home that would be enough to keep the ranch out of trouble for a few years. Well, he figured it was, or maybe it would be enough to settle his and Colt’s bar tabs.
“I think that I got some cash.”
The bigger male shrugged his shoulders, “Up the road a piece is the Dew Drop Inn and Tavern. Berry Punch runs it, so she might be there, or she might be passed out. Jest have ta see.”
He gave the larger red colored male a nod. He was thankful for the moon light since it let him see the one that pulled him from the river. Still, he figured this was a dream. It had to be a damned dream. He moved from the river, walking up a dirt path, listening to the night life around him, and silently he wondered exactly what it was that caused him to dream about My Little Pony. It wasn’t like he’d ever seen the show.
Well that wasn’t exactly true. Pregnant Linda had him watch the Escape from Midnight Castle with her. Of course the Ponies in that looked a lot damned different. His one thought was that maybe he was having a dream like this because of all of the shit that had been going on. Of course since this was a dream he could basically say screw the conquiences. He noticed a few lights in the distance, moved toward them, and saw a building with what looked like a sign of a flower with a drop of water falling off of it.
He shrugged, knocked, waited, and a moment later the door opened. He’d seen the after effect of having too much to drink a few times, and he saw it on the mulberry colored mare before him. Her eyes looked bloodshot, she seemed to be slumping against the door, and in her non-clinging to the doorway hand was an open bottle that smelled like it would put every bottle of Jack ever made to shame.
She hiccuped a bit, squinted a little, and then tried to stand straight.
“What in the Tartarus do you want?” she asked, “The Tavern’s closed!”
He looked at her, “First, it should be open, second I’m looking for a room for the night, and third you sound like you’re made of bitch.”
She stood in what looked like a drunken stupor for a moment before she apparently sobered up, stood up straight, and then grabbed him by his collar. Her red wine colored eyes had a look that he’d seen on Mary, his mother, and occasionally Abby when she was dealing with Colt. It was a look that promised death. Most likely slow and painful, and he squared his shoulders. He didn’t run, and she instead continued to glare at him.
“Who are you calling a bitch?”
He smiled, “I said you sound like you’re made of bitch, and I stand by it. You’ve got a bar, that doubles as a hotel, and you’re not open? That’s insane!”
She groaned and looked behind her, “Fine, I can check you in, but the tavern is closed,” she stated, “And before you get any ideas I’ve got two teenage daughters, both of them are in season, and if you so much as step outside of your room tonight I can promise you that you’ll be gelded before the guard can show up.”
He shook his head, “Yeah no problem. Usually I don’t like dating a girl unless she’s already pregnant. Can’t be mine if the bun is already in the oven.”
She shook her head, “Ugh, one of them aren’t you?” she said in disgust, “Honestly, a stallion who prefers to get a mare that’s already carrying so that he can breed responsibility free. I bet that you liked to get a treat without the work too.”
He smiled, “Who wouldn’t?” he asked amused, “I mean wouldn’t you rather have the beer without the hangover?”
She sighed, “Sure, but it doesn’t work like that.”
With that she opened the heavy wooden door. What was inside looked a damn sight better than that piss poor motel room he’d rented. The bed was full sized, and the moment he laid down on it he felt the way it attempted to swallow him whole. There’d been a bed like that when he was a kid. It had been his grandmothers, the one his parents used until the mattress was too beat up and worn out to be used anymore. It’d been a goose down feather mattress. He sighed, leaned back, and let the mattress swallow him whole.
Sure, he was still damp from falling in the river, and he was certain that this, all of this, was a dream, but so what if it was? At worst he was in the hospital somewhere, and maybe this wouldn’t be such a bad place to spend what could be an uncomfortable time recovering. He’d never been in a coma before, but if this was the kind of thing to expect then maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.
He felt his eyelids get heavy, and after a moment he fell asleep. At first there was just blackness, nothing but darkness around him, and then he saw a familiar couch. He walked toward it, feeling the comfortable cushions on it. The couch in the hunting cabin was comfortable enough, and he listened as he heard singing coming from the shower. He smiled as Mary stepped out. She was wearing the best possible thing, which was nothing.
She smiled at him, and he grinned back at her. Sure, she was a full ten years older than him, but she was fun, they liked each other, and despite the fact that she had shit taste in men, himself excluded, they felt right together. She moved toward him, and the door opened. He saw the gun, the same nine millimeter that Nick had held that night. There weren't words, just angry shouting and then he watched as a red flower, a small fountain, of blood exploded from Mary’s chest. He stood, and he saw Nick standing there, the finger on the trigger whitened. He moved forward, ready to deal with this when the entire room froze. He shook, looked around, and saw a soft dark blue light engulfing the entire room.
“Strange, truly it feels like a memory, but it is more dream craft than memory I sense.”
He looked to see a mare that stood taller than the one that was made of bitch from earlier. She was well shaped, toned, her dress concealed everything, yet it was something he’d seen years ago when he decided to pick up a Wonder Woman comic. Wonder Woman, Diana, had worn something like what she was wearing. It had two clasps on the shoulders, and a belt that went around itself holding the modesty of the wearer within the tightly tied belt.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
She looked at him, “Hmmm,” she said curiously as she neared him, “We have heard the tells from Twilight Sparkle, of the hoomans that exist on the other side of the mirror. How they are so similar to us, yet have so many differences. Still, it would appear that you are not exactly one of them.”
He shook his head, “Okay, this dream is getting fuckin’ weird,” he said sounding irritated, “First, I dream that I ended up somewhere that shouldn’t even exist, and then I go to bed and dream of Nick shooting Mary and then turning the gun on me. So, is this like Inception or some weird shit? Like it’s a dream within a dream? But why the hell am I asking you? If you’re part of my dream then you don’t know.”
She looked at him, “I am not of your dream,” she stood tall, her chest more pronounced, “I am Princess Luna, keeper of dreams, protector of the night, part of the official diarchary that rules this land.”
He studied her, “This… It’s a dream right?” he asked sounding unsure for the first time, “I mean, this entire thing, falling into the river, getting out, being near Ponyville, this is all a dream and I’m lying in a hospital or out in the forest or something, right?”
She neared him, “I fear not,” she said as she tenderly touched his hand, “This world is real, the inhabitants are real, and if you are here then you have crossed into our world. I would dare say it was some wild bit of magic that caused it, or perhaps it was Discord. For this could be one of his pranks.”
Jamerson Bennett, Rooster to his friends and family, found himself no longer able to stand. His legs gave out and he fell onto the couch. His eyes widened in realization that everything he knew was gone. He was alone, on an alien world, and he had no safety net. There was no ranch, no Colt, no pregnant Linda, Mary, Abby, his dad or mom, they were all gone. He was surrounded by people, well ponies, that he thought were nothing more than cartoon characters.
Years of being conditioned kicked in, and he forced himself to get up. He was terrified, but he wasn’t going to show it.
“So, I’m stuck here, everything I know is gone, but the girl to guy ratio is what, ten to one?”
Princess Luna studied him for a moment, “Are you unwell?”
He shrugged, “It sucks, I mean this is somehow beyond Colt Bennett bad, but what am I going to do? I don’t know much about this place, but fuck it, I’m a rancher, and I’m sure that I’ll land on my feet, hooves, or whatever the fuck it is that I’ve got now.”
She studied him for a moment, “Praytell, would you like an audience at our court?” she asked, sounding concerned, “It maynot be much, but perhaps we could find meaningful employment, or at the very least find a place for you to live.”
He shrugged, “I suppose, but if I’m dreaming, and you’re here, isn’t that the same thing?”
She smiled, “Perhaps, but having somepony to take notes would help…”
The room glowed a bright white for a moment and when it cleared Princess Luna found herself in a short skirt, one that did nothing to hide her modesty, her chest was covered with a small piece of fabric, one that exposed the bottoms of her breasts, her mane was pulled into a tight ponytail, and she felt far more exposed than she ever had in her life. She covered herself, looked at him, and her eyes widened.
“What did thou do?!”
He shrugged, “I’ve always had a good imagination, just kind of wondered what you’d look like dressed like that cheerleader from that Playstation 3 game, you know, Lollipop Chainsaw. Got to say, not disappointed.”
She growled, “Thou will stand before mine court!”
With that she disappeared and he wondered if maybe he pushed things too far.