Memories Fade
“But I’ve changed.”
Cheerilee leaned forward and nodded. Diamond Tiara had never been the most open or self-aware student, but she was right. She had changed. Now that same arrogant filly had stayed after class and was venting to her teacher, an unthinkable situation just a few months prior.
“I know I wasn’t the nicest of ponies, but you’d think they could at least give me a second chance.”
Diamond was giving herself far too much credit with that wording. If she were being honest, Cheerilee would have called Diamond ‘horrible’. The other students hated her, and for very good reason. The intimidation, the torment... Knowing school ponies, Cheerilee was surprised that Diamond Tiara was only being ignored. Goodness knows what would have happened when she was a filly.
“I don’t get it. I’m a good student, I help around the school…”
Sorry, Diamond, but good students don’t harass their classmates. Good students don’t try to boss the teachers around. Good students don’t do half the things you did. You may have had good grades, but that doesn’t make you a good student.
But, in fairness, she had changed. At least, she had started to. Unfortunately, Diamond Tiara didn’t seem to understand that all change was gradual, and she might not have been acting as sweet and nice as she thought she had. Time would be the only teacher for that.
“And now that I’m trying, everypony seems to respect me even less! That’s not fair!”
They didn’t respect you before. They feared you. When you’re the one being feared, that might be hard to spot, but that’s what had happened. And that wasn’t to say Diamond Tiara was wrong to be upset. Even Silver Spoon, her one friend, had grown distant from her. Diamond had already been having a very hard time, and the day Pipsqueak won the student council election shattered her tough act not only for everypony else, but also for herself. It was only natural that she’d be upset and lonely, but that didn’t mean the other students were obligated to be her friends. That’s the kind of thinking that got her here.
“If they’re only going to be meaner to me, I don’t see why I should be nicer to them.”
Now this had to be corrected. At first it would have been acceptable to listen and give an encouraging nod, but the thinking shown here was dangerous. If Diamond started going back to her old self, it wouldn’t be good for anypony, including her.
But Diamond was a school pony. Each one requires a unique approach, and frankly, Cheerilee had never figured out what that approach was for her. Maybe if she had opened up just once before, this would have been a lot easier to try to fix.
But even through everything she had done and all the headaches she had caused, Diamond Tiara was still a student. She was still a filly. If she was willing to seek help now, Cheerilee was more than happy to give all she could. After all, it was better than waiting for her to grow up.
“I don’t understand. What am I doing wrong?”
And there was both the problem and the solution. It’s not that she was doing anything wrong; it’s that she expected it to work more quickly than it was going to. Things wouldn’t happen right away, no matter how much she wanted them to. Fillies didn’t seem to be very good at internalizing abstract answers, though. Perhaps an anecdote would help best.
“Well?” Diamond Tiara looked at Cheerilee, tears welling up in her eyes from frustration and sorrow. She seemed to be done talking and was just sitting, waiting for an answer.
“Well,” Cheerilee began, making sure to choose her words carefully, “let me tell you a story. You’re willing to listen to a story, right?”
“Miss Cheerilee, I don’t know how—”
“It’ll help, trust me.”
Diamond Tiara wiped her eyes. “Fine.”
“When I was your age—and yes, I was your age once—I cheated on more than a few tests and papers. I didn’t mean anything by it; I just thought that maybe if I did well, ponies would respect me. They’d notice me.”
Diamond Tiara tilted her head. “Okay...”
“It actually worked. Teachers loved me; classmates looked up to me...I got away with it for a bit, and it felt amazing. But then I got overconfident. Then I got caught. I got in trouble, and I eventually came to understand that what I did was wrong. Ponies weren’t actually respecting me because of my intelligence, but because of my lies. I’m sure this situation sounds at least a little familiar.”
Diamond Tiara looked down. “Yeah.”
“So I decided that I would go ahead and turn everything around. I started doing all of my own work, studying for tests, and even helping out younger foals when I had time. But to my surprise, nopony trusted me!”
“So they aren’t going to give me another chance.”
Cheerilee ignored this, choosing to just smile and continue. “Looking back, why should they have trusted me? I had lied to them before. Ponies are very good at using experience to guide their views of others, but ponies are also very forgetful. I proved to them I could be trusted and relied on, and after enough time, that’s all they really remembered. Maybe they’ll remember if they consciously try, but they’ll always forget in the moment. I managed to become a teacher, after all.”
“That’s different. You didn’t actually hurt anypony else. Your story doesn’t matter.”
Cheerilee loved working with fillies and colts, but a few still managed to wear her down, especially Diamond Tiara. She sucked in a breath as she continued. “There are a few differences, but the overall message is the same—”
“There are a lot of differences! They’re completely different!”
Cheerilee forced back an exasperated sigh. “At least try to think about what I’m saying, Diamond.”
Diamond looked up at Cheerilee, her frustration apparent on her face and in her voice. “What are you saying?”
“It takes time, Diamond. Ponies will hold what you’ve done against you for a very long time, but you need to be willing to keep doing the right thing even when nopony appreciates it. And someday they’ll forget the past and appreciate who you are now.”