Anon and Incognito have fun horseland adventures with the SCP foundation
Anon and Incognito have fun horseland adventures
With this fic I'm mixing things a bit. Pony's are naïve and not all that smart. Humans are sex gods in horse land, and a bunch of other funny ideas that have been shamelessly stolen from other works. See if you can catch all the references!
This fic is complete as-is but I may be adding more chapters as the fancy strikes me since each chapter will functionally be a connected one-shot.
This fic was inspired by the chapter Secure. Contain. Pone. in RGRE One Shots (Mature) by Fuggman and any similarities occur with their permission.
While walking in the woods one day, Anon and Incognito saw something strange: a little bouncing pony who liked to laugh and play. They followed their new prancing friend, not knowing where this adventure might end. Her pink bubbly butt disappeared just around the bend.
"Where are we going?" Anon asked.
"I dunno." Replied Incognito.
"Then how are we gonna get there?"
Incognito laughs, "Just follow the ho!"
And that's how they ended up in tiny horse land surrounded by black suited ponies. "This is fucking stupid," Anon grouses, "We just got fucking Isekai'd into some kind of after school special about doing horse drugs."
"You mean ketamine?"
Anon giggled, "Nah, like fuckin' Flintstones vitamins or some shit, look at this." Anon picks up a nearby dog-pony-thing. It was about the size of a St. Bernard. It was vaguely horse shaped, though the faces were wrong and they could move in weird ways that animals shouldn't be able to. The dog-pony-thing, or DPT curled up in Anon's arms much like a docile dog or cat.
Anon absently petted the DPT as the other DPTs around them went nuts, running around and talking to each other in something that sounded almost like a human language but with more whinnying, snorting, and other horsy noises added in.
Eventually a couple of the DPTs brought out spears and threatened Anon who gently put the DPT in his arms on the ground. Then he booped one of the threatening DPTs on the nose, making its face scrunch up and having it back away. "You're such a dick, Anon." Incognito said as the pair started booping every DPT they could.
Chaos ensued as the two humans went on a booping spree that would go down in the S.M.I.L.E. books as one of the worst disasters of all time: Classification: Ouchy Boo Boo.
Pretend for a second that you're Agents Sweetie Drops and Heartstrings. The pair of you had been called down to the middle of Whitetail Woods by the agency to deal with "a pair of huge, dangerous anomalous entities." Now the two of you watch as most of the present field agents fertilize their collective fields as one of the anomalies - the green one - picks up the senior agent in charge and cradles him to its chest. You can stop pretending now.
"It got Alpha Hoof! We're all gonna die!"
"Tell my mares I love them!"
"The horror, the horror!"
Lyra remarks to Bon Bon, "I didn't know Sigma was related to the Flower sisters."
Bon Bon facefrogs, "I don't think she is. Hey! Grab some prodders and poke it until it puts Alpha down you nincompoops!"
Minutes later Alpha Hoof is resting with an applejuice box in his hoof, looking like he'd just woken up from the best sleep in his life. "I... I don't know what happened..."
After a moment the poor, sweet stallion continued, "Have you ever been in Princess Celestia's presence?" Some agents nodded while others shook their heads, "It's... warm. You feel like you're back in your foalhood home with the whole herd around you. Like nothing can hurt you, nothing can go wrong. but it's more than that."
Alpha blushed, "Having those big, strong arms around me, being held against that burly chest... I mean, I'm no more gay than the next stallion but if I hadn't been so relaxed I would have popped out of me sheath faster than you can say 'Princess Cadence's tight juicy ass.'"
"What should we do, sir?"
"This is to big for us, call in Containment."
Be Incognito Aggot, older brother to one Anonymous F. Aggot. Be stuck in tiny weird horse land after following the hot-pink-ass-that-should-not-be-on-a-horse-thing. Now you and your younger brother are being herded (heh) into a pitch black train in the middle of the night. You hoped that these weren't Nazi horses, that would suck.
It had taken a couple hours but you were pretty sure that you had established some basic communication. They understood nodding and shaking your head, and in this way you had gotten some food (a couple apples) and water (really good shit, better than bottled even).
They had tried to separate you and Anon at first but you were having none of that shit and after a thorough scolding they hadn't tried again. Heck, you were both given your own personal cuddle buddy after that. Looking down at the... mare? In your arms puts a smile on your face. She's so soft and cuddly and after a little kicking and fussing to get into a good position the settled down for pets.
She was talking in weird horse language to her green friend that Anon was petting (colour coordination for the win!).
"Uhh, bro? I think this one might be in heat or something?"
You raised an eyebrow at him.
"She's kinda humping my arm, dude."
The two of you look at each other for a minute. "Dude, wanna fuck a dog pony?"
"You sick fuck, I'm in."
You think for a moment, "But they're pretty smart... Is this rape?"
Anon shrugs, "I dunno, you're the cryptozoologist."
"Well, when in doubt, whip it out."
Lyra was relaxed, calm, hot, bothered, and her nose was full of musk as this fucking STALLION unleashes his thick cock into the air. She knows what she has to do. She must slob on that knob until a glob fills her throat. It's the only logical next step.
"Lyra," Bon Bon tries to sound admonishing even as she tries to stop her eyes from rolling back into her head, "D-don't fuck the anomaly. Th-that's... That's... Oh fuck please Celestia fuck me you goddamn incubus!"
And so they did.
"Fuck, this ho is tight, dude."
"Tell me about it brother, I think this bitch started cumming the second I got my whole dick in. Fuck."
"Oh Celestia how are they still going‽" Bon Bon screamed as her fourth orgasm wracked her body.
"I don't know but I don't think I can go back to pansy arsed stallions anymore, FUCK!" Lyra squirted like a geyser all over the green anomaly's crotch.
"He's getting bigger!" Lyra's eyes nearly popped out of her skull as she is suddenly filled with the warm, satisfying feeling of thick foal batter filling her Easy Bake OvenTM, the feeling pushing her so far over the edge she actually blacked out for a couple seconds.
When she came to Lyra was laying on the floor of the train car next to her best friend Bon Bon. "Thish ish tha besht ashignment evaaaaaaar!" Lyra slurred.
Blind Justice is a class C3 security officer in charge of the D-Mares in the intake ward. These were really the lowest of the low of the D-Mare population. Serial hug stealers. Royal cake eaters. Even the infamous Baltimare Bandit who had struck THREE whole stallions and REFUSED TO APPOLOGISE! Most of the D-Mares only lasted a few months before they needed to be Terminated (having their memory of working for Containment erased -except for the fear so that they'd remember hating being there- and being transferred to a proper rehabilitation clinic).
A shaking D-Mare opened the train's sliding door to reveal a scene of terror. A pair of alien stallions in the most lewd of clothes that covered nearly their entire body stood over a pair of mares that smelled like had been worked over by an entire herd of pleasure stallions.
The D-Mares start to panic but Justice know what to do. She keeps her voice strong and level in spite of the fear churning her guts. "Get all four of them into individual containment chambers! Move it you cunt lappers!"
"Yo, I think these bitches are trying to steal our new fleshlights!"
"Can't be having that."
"Boop the snoot?"
"Boop that fuckin' snoot brother."
"Containment breach! Containment breach! Anomalies designated twentysix sixtysix dash one and two are performing some sort of cognitohazardous ritual that's paralyzing my D-class! Be advised, the ritual is performed by viciously attacking a mare's snoot!"
"We read you Blind Justice, be advised, we're sending in Tactical Response Team Friendship, get yourself and as many of your D-Mares out of there as possible."
"Well, now they're running away."
"Yo, bro! They got beds in this trailer!"
"Sweet! I could use a nap after dumping my load. Wanna stick with the current set or do you wanna trade fleshlights?"
"Eww, you sick freak. I like the way you think, but I like candy ass, her noises are cuter."
"Pshaw, greenie here comes with a nifty little narwal horn, convenient for picking teeth and carving tallies into our prison cell."
"Eh, mine's thicc-er."
"Ugh, I heard the double C's."
"Damn right you did."
"Wait, gimme a second, I wanna do something." Anon picked up both of the Dog-Horse-Things and tossed them onto what was going to be Incognito's bed and then jumped onto his own with a *pomf.*
"What are we gonna do on the bed, Onii-chan?"
Incognito laughed at his brother's bullshit, "The same thing we do every night Anon-kun, try to take over horse world!"
The Mane Six walked in slow motion into the station, all of them wearing cool black body suits and sunglasses with ear pieces as a pair of doors slowly opened in front of them like that once scene in Monster's Inc. Their HUGE and sexy chest fluff hidden behind the metal, shield shaped chest pieces that clearly displayed the symbol of the organization, three arrows pointing inwards through a circle. Underneath are three simple words.
SECURE
CONTAIN
PONE
Their entrance was completely missed by the anomalies who appeared to be inside one of the larger transportation cells singing and doing a little dance.
"Darn." Twilight Sparkle says coolly, as befitting the main character. She takes off her sunglasses to reveal a smaller, cooler pair of sunglasses.
"I-I'm sure we'll be able to do the cool entrance next time Twilight." Fluttershy says shyly because that's her only character trait.
"It doesn't matter to me (it did), I'm sure we looked cool (she isn't sure at all)" Rainbow Dash said, also coolly, because she was too cool to think of a new way to say things after Twilight stole her thing of boing cool.
"These... What were they called? Anomalies? Well, they're very fashion forward and exceptionally lewd. Using bottom coverings to lewdly hide their genitals, and are those socks I see? No wonder these terrible creatures absolutely stuffed miss Heartstrings and agent Drops with their seed, they're clearly some sort of lust spirit!" Rarity expressed, because simply 'saying' things is so last season.
"And I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said randomly because that's her only character trai- wait I already did this joke... What if I just have Pinkie break the forth wall all the time? Overdone? Well... shit.
"If you're all done muggin' for the camera we actually have a job to do." Applejack, as the only mare with a brain in her skull, tried to get everypony back on track. It didn't work.
"Hey! That's Nonny and Coggy! They aren't dangerous, well, unless you're a sandwich!"
"Y'all know these two?"
"Nope!"
"Then I'ma ignore that."
"That's reasonable." Pinkie pronked up to the Transportation Containment Unit and pressed the button that dropped the clear plasteel cover, trapping the two anomalies and two mares inside.
Note: While SCP-2666-1 and SCP-2666-2 are different enough that separate files on them would be maintained in normal circumstances all attempts to forcibly separate them have failed. While they do act independently and do not appear to share memories between them they will be classified under a single designation until further notice.
Object Class: Safe (Keter)
Note: Object class designation represents the difference between attempts at non-aggresive and forcible containment, see Addendum-2666-1/2-1
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2666-1/2 are to be housed in a minotaur style apartment containing one (1) kitchen, one (1) bathroom, one (1) living/dining area, and two (2) bedrooms furnished to their request within reason, see Addendum-2666-1/2-2 . Clothing may also be requested. Any questionable requests made by SCP-2666-1/2 are to go to site administration for review.
SCP-2666-1/2 is to be given omnivorous foodstuffs for eating or cooking upon request.(Staff is reminded that sneaking SCP-2666 additional food will result in reprimand.)
SCP-2666 is allowed to roam the freely and access Level 2 and lowers areas with a curfew of 2200 hours. Site staff may interact with SCP-2666-1/2 casually and contact with other sapient SCP's on the approved list is encouraged. Should either of SCP-2666 request access to a new 'weird alien thing' then the request can be made through the same channels as researchers, though administration reminds staff that they need to fill out form QQZ-B145 and NOT QQZ-A146. These privileges may be revoked if either SCP misbehaves.
Upon receiving approval from administration any member of staff wishing to do so may proposition and, upon receiving consent, may use one of the conjugal rooms located through the site with either or both of SCP-2666-1/2. This is a privilege and not a right and can be revoked at any time Agent Heartstrings. Any staff reporting illness after sexual contact with SCP-2666 are to report to the infirmary immediately.
Anything created by either anomaly is to be quarantined and observed for twenty-four (24) hours along with the recipient if it is a gift before either destruction or release.
In the event that either anomaly attempt to breach containment security personnel are to find their nearest S-Tier unicorn and have a temporary age-regression spell cast upon them. After which they will attempt to convince the breacher(s) to return to their containment unit. If convincing does not work they are to physically climb onto the anomaly(s) until they are eventually weighed down enough or exhausted enough to end their breach attempt.
Should this fail and the anomaly(s) reach Level 0 then Tactical Response Team Friendship is to be deployed.
Description: SCP-2666-1/2 are tall, bipedal ape-like creatures of extra-dimensional origin. Both claim to be males and have the equipment to back up that claim.
SCP-2666-1/2's birth names do not translate correctly to Equestrian, the closest being various words and phrases like 'disguised' and 'unknown'.
The front limbs terminate in dexterous hands with five (5) digits on each; four (4) fingers and one (1) opposable thumb. This gives the subject a powerful grip and the ability to manipulate objects with precision on par with an expert unicorn.
It’s bodily make-up is carbon-based similar to Equestrian life, but with no magic in their system. They stand at approximately twice the height of the average mare, though -1 is slightly taller than -2.
SCP-2666-1/2's weights have varied with their food intake similar to Equestrian creatures. SCP-2666-1 speaks rough but understandable Equestrian and a currently untranslated native language. SCP-2666-2 does not speak Equestrian and has shown no interest in learning. Instead SCP-2666-2 communicates with gestures and animalistic grunts. If put in a situation where more complex communication is required SCP-2666-2 will resort to writing down instructions in a flowing, artistic script designated SCP-2666-2-A and must be destroyed within twenty-four (24) hours and anypony that reads the script must be put under watch for the same time.
SCP-2666-1 and SCP-2666-2 are nearly identical in almost all respects except for their colouration. SCP-2666-1 is entirely paper white except for a few moles above his right glute and his pitch black irises. SCP-2666-2 is entirely green except for an odd, almost question mark shaped black birthmark that covers most of his face. SCP-2666-2 irises are a similar green to the anomaly's skin, though its pupil and sclera are coloured as expected from a mammal.
SCP-2666-1 was able to teach itself Equestrian when Dr. Sparkle insisted on attempting to teach the subject the language.
Overall intelligence of either anomaly is currently unknown due to purposeful dodging and undermining of tests. The ability to recognize the tests, even while they were disguised, suggests intelligence higher than the average pony.
SCP-2666-1/2 were collected by the Foundation after a field agent observed them following SCP-1927 on one of her extradimensional walks. When S.M.I.L.E. field agents confronted the subjects they responded with their anomalous abilities. First SCP-2666-1 "Cuddled" Field Agent Alpha Hoof, then both engaged in what they call "ßö'òp" which forces a pony to scrunch their snoot and back up several paces before holding still for between one (1) and three (3) seconds.
Although not indestructible, SCP-2666-1/2 has displayed a surprising resistance to damage and mental influence, but they heal at a rate equivalent to a pony if left unaided. Their lack of magic is theorized to assist in this. Their bodily strength and movement speed is notably higher than expected of a creature of it’s proportions, but not to a supernatural degree.
SCP-2666-1/2’s docile and affectionate temperaments have kept fear to a minimum, but their anomalous abilities leave room for abuse. SCP-2666-1/2 have been warned that abusing their powers will result in punishment and harsher containment. They have repeatedly come very close to having these harsher containment procedures enacted and only the fact that they have repeatedly demonstrated that they are not hostile and even protective of SCP personnel has stayed administration's hoof, see Incident-2666-1-1.
"It also helps that they've fucked three out of four Princesses on more than one occasion." - F.R.O.W.N. Operative Orange Apple
SCP-2666-1/2 possess numerous other anomalous powers that are still undergoing research and testing.
The most often used power is a general soothing effect on ponies transmitted via physical contact and listening to either SCP's voice. Effects linger for the next twenty-four (24) to seventy-two (72) hours after first exposure. Test subjects report feelings of comfort and contentment at their touch and presence, resulting in a relaxed bodily state and clearer if lethargic thought processing. SCP-2666-1/2, when asked, indicated that they were unaware of this property until told of it and cannot seem to turn it off.
SCP-2666-2 can accelerate and deepen the effect with purposeful petting and quiet or comforting speech. SCP-2666-1 mimics this effect in males. However, performing the above actions will imbue the subject with a primal need to mate if the subject in question is female. Notably said female does not feel the need to mate with the anomaly, simply the need to mate in general and multiple tests have indicated that any male that the subject female is attracted to will do as a partner. The effect does not induce estrus.
SCP-2666-2 can mimic the mating effect when he instead treats the pony slightly roughly, usually by gently pulling on the hair or tail, holding the pony down, or generally restricting their movement. He may also nip as the pony's neck or ears. This is expected as it mimics regular stallion mating habits (once you get them riled up, am I right girls?), however, the fact that SCP-2666-1 can invoke a state of desire with non-sexual actions is concerning. More testing is needed in this realm.
Dr. Sparkle theorizes that there could be numerous other anomalous effects depending on their emotional states and dispositions. Testing staff should note that Dr. Sparkle is not able to authorize her own experiments.
Ponies with minor illnesses and injuries were noted to recover at an increased rate after contact with either subject. Having both anomalies interact with patients does not increase healing more than a single anomaly does. Testing is ongoing for a passive healing effect.
Testing is still ongoing and information on this page may become outdated very quickly, if you are a staff member who will be interacting with either or both of SCP-2666-1/2 you are advised to speak with Dr. Sparkle or Agent Heartstrings before doing so.
Addendum-266-1/2-1: Fifteen (15) days after first containment SCP-2666-2 indicated that it wanted to go outside for some sun. When staff indicated that SCP-2666-2 could not leave the subject smiled, patted the staff member on their head (inducing a mild paralytic state, it is unknown if this was on purpose) and proceeded to the nearest stairwell and began climbing.
The alarm was raised when SCP-2666-2 entered Level 2 from the stairwell. It was raised by the staff member that SCP-2666-2 interacted with before his breach attempt. Security personnel on Level 2, not knowing that SCP-2666-2 was attempting breach began evacuating Staff on the floor and indicated that SCP-2666-2 should join enter one of the temporary holding cells that are located on every floor.
SCP-2666-2 ignored security and instead followed evacuating staff. When security attempted to intervene SCP-2666-2 used a previously undocumented ability by forcing security to "Halt movement" and "Take a relaxed and ready posture" (translation is inadequate here, subject's language conveys nuances through tone, facial expression, and body posture). Security personnel incapacitated in this way were unable to move or stand for fear of "being a bad girl" and "not getting any treats"
SCP-2666-2 was able to follow staff to their Level 0 rally point but quickly headed outside into Ponyville. SCP-2666-2 quickly came upon a filly by the name of Applebloom and made several high pitched noises. SCP-2666-2 scooped up the filly into his embrace where she was "cuddled".
Security found SCP-2666-2 a few minutes later and was able to coax him back into the facility with promises of more fillys. Applebloom's memory of the event was wiped by S.M.I.L.E. personnel. On the way back to his containment chamber SCP-2666-2 interacted with the security personnel stalled by his ability. He expressed shock that his ability worked but quickly released affected personnel, seemingly rewarding them for following his orders with more of his anomalous abilities included but not limited to "Ear Rubs" "Scritches" and "Kisses". Security personnel released in this way reported a feeling of nearly religious euphoria for the next twenty-four (24) hours but do not appear to be otherwise effected.
Addendum-266-1/2-2: When SCP-2666-1/2 were first contained they would receive three (3) omnivorous meals a day in accordance with standard procedure. Both anomalies expressed distaste for the food served continually until the site cooks had rotated through every recipe they knew. When given food prepared by Agent Orange Apple or Salmon Pastry they expressed delight, but indicated that such dishes would not be suitable to continual consumption.
Agent Orange Apple had to be restrained for nearly an hour after that comment.
When offered the ability to cook their own food both anomalies indicated that they were not considered good chefs but that they knew some of the culinary arts. However, once inside the kitchen the pair of anomalies worked with a flow and coordination reminiscent of ponies that have spent hours practicing their art.
The anomalies created three dishes which they allowed designated D-Class test subjects to sample before and after they consumed most of their dishes. Dishes included a "Pizza", "Burger", and "Taco"
Consumption of any part of any dish, including the cooked meat induced immediate and violent orgasm in the test subjects followed by an attempt by the subject to consume the entire dish and violent resisting of any attempt to interrupt said consumption.
All D-Class test subjects in the experiment became despondent after one hour, expressing that no food could ever compare. Subjects would become more and more depressed with every meal following exposure to the anomalies food and eventually all D-Class test subjects had to be Terminated for fear of their mental state deteriorating beyond our capabilities to mend.
Anomalies are not allowed to share any food they cook with any personnel except for Agent Salmon Pastry who accidentally consumed some of their foodstuffs but merely indicated, "it's not sugary enough." Dr. Sparkle theorizes that the Agent's own anomalous nature protects her from SCP-2666-1/2's.
Incident-2666-1-1: On Spring/18/6FE SCP-1298 breached containment due to a door lock fault and began a rampage through the site, injuring 2 personnel. SCP-1298 encountered SCP-2666-1 in the hallway just outside 2666's apartment. SCP-2666-1 lashed out in fright with a leg to SCP-1298’s primary head, dazing it. When SCP-1298 returned the attack with one of it’s sickle claws, targeting Researcher Fluttershy, SCP-2666-1 pushed her out of the way and took the attack with only a shallow gash where a pony would have been very badly hurt. SCP-2666-1 then proceeded to curse and beat SCP-1298 into submission with it’s hands despite SCP-1298’s struggles and cognitohazardous cries, which erode lower brain function and swiftly cause paralysis and pain, almost always resulting in required therapy. Staff equipped with sound-deadening ear muffs moved in and secured SCP-1298 while SCP-2666-1 was taken away and interviewed. SCP-2666-1 was shaken but suffered no long-term ill effects from the encounter while SCP-1298 has been unresponsive ever since. Researcher Fluttershy was treated for exposure to SCP-1298 and is expected to make a full recovery.
Be Anon on a normal day in tiny horse land. The 'day' starts when you awaken and extricate yourself from the cuddle puddle tm. You sidestep the Rubik's cube that Purple Hoers cunningly set on the dining table and go get breakfast. It's just buttered toast but the cuddle puddle will awaken to its smell not matter how exhausted they are after the pre-sleepy-time fuck-fest that occurs in your room every night except on Mondays because FUCK Mondays.
Little fucking orange cat motherfucker had the right of it. Not that your 'job' was all that difficult, just mess around with ponies all day. Today you think you're going to see how these little marshmallow horses react to the lords prayer. Your mama tried her best to indoctrinate you into her cult of flaming bush worshipping hippies but you were so far above that shit that you'd actually met the sun god of tiny horses.
Also you might be a sex demon, and that's rad.
Nito's not up yet, - like usual - the lazy bastard, so it's up to you to brave the 'front door'. You use the term door loosely, since it's more like a giant metal hatch that hisses like a fucking sci-fi movie when it opens. They know you're up of course, what with the fact that one wall of each room is clear glass that looks out into the even bigger metal box that the metal box that is your apartment is inside of.
SparkleBottomJeans is there - as usual - along with Blue Fast and The Great and Terrible Loudmouth. You couldn't understand what they were saying but you were pretty good at reading horse faces at this point. Purp was excited, Blue was bored, and darker blue was wearing a fucking wizard hat was smug. You knew their names, but their names were stupid so you gave them better ones.
You assert dominance by ruffling their hair... manes, whatever. Blue tries to suck your dick since you didn't bother putting clothes on but she's on company time so Purple slaps her upside the head with a wing.
With a series of pictograms Sparklebutt indicates she wants you and Smug to do a couple magic tricks, kinda like a contest. Sure, why not.
Haughty pants (who doesn't wear pants) starts things off with a little light show. No reaction from the crowd (of two).
You do the trick where it looks like you're pulling off the tip of your thumb. The crowd goes wild. Smug's not so smug now, looks kinda pissed actually. She apparently pulls out the big guns by cutting Blue in half. Pretty cool actually, Blue's legs still wiggled and everything. You clap politely and Smug takes a bow.
Pulling a dime from your pocket (for some reason there's always 87 cents in your 'pocket' regardless of the fact that you're naked right now) and show it to the three of them. Putting your hands behind your back you slip it between two of your fingers.
Showing them your 'empty' hands you then reach behind Smug's ear a 'pull' the dime out. Checkmate. Uproarious applause. Smug is looking sad but Blue is laughing and Purple is scribbling furiously.
Smug's been a good sport so you smack her in the face with your flaccid dick. Her pupils dilate, her mouth hangs open, already dripping drool, and a quiet splash is heard from behind her. "Good girl, now you go have some fun." You say, ruffling her hair again before turning back to the apartment. You could go for a glass of milk right about now.
Trixie stumbled out of the chamber on shaking hooves, her eyes darting around for the nearest dick with legs. There weren't any, since stallions weren't allowed within one hundred paces of this chamber.
"Ugh, did he have to do that? Now we've gotta keep her for observation before we can wipe her and send her back to Starlight." Dash whined.
Twilight giggled giddily, "You know how Dash Two is, always so generous with his... gifts."
"Ugh, hate that name, just call him Nonners like Pinkie does, Twilight."
"That is not his designation. We must remain aloof from the subjects of our study lest our personal feelings get in the way of research."
"Uh-huh, you're so~ aloof whenever Cogs decides to give you a tummy rub."
"Th-That's off the clock!" Twilight kindly opens the door to the conjugal room for Trixie and the smell of sweaty stallions lures the lust drunk mare into the chamber of delights.
"Oh, so you being eyes deep in his ass every chance you get doesn't count?"
"For science! For Science!"
"Sure, sure, I bet there are pages and pages about what you find in there. Sonnets even."
"How the heck do you even know what a sonnet is?"
"Daring Do and The Amazonian Stallions."
"......... Which part did you like best?"
"Hooves down it was when Thick Spear destroyed Daring Do's butthole. Why, what was your favorite part?"
".......... The dinner scene......."
Rainbow Dash shivered, "L-lewd."
"I know, right‽" Twilight wiped her mouth, "It was just, like, bang, right there in your face and I was like, 'oh, hello new scene what do you have for - oh holy BUCK.'"
"Darn, Twilight, I dunno if you're kinky or a patrician."
"I'll have you know that I'm a gentlemare of the highest quality."
"Uh-huh, you were studying the blade while I was having sex?"
"Lick my clit, Dash, I know you the kinds of stallions you get with."
"Flock off the end of my dock, Sparkle, it's totally fine if a stallion has a little experience before marriage nowadays."
"A little? I'm surprised Thunderlane's dick isn't a prune since it's constantly swimming in mares."
Rainbow Dash just snorted and walked off. And during her slow (for Dash) walk out of the facility she was... evaluating some of her life choices. Namely the ones that revolved around colts and how she may or may not have been sleeping with sloots and ONLY sloots...
But she shouldn't think about that. She was the awesomest pegasus in Ponyville, no, in the whole freaking WORLD! All she needed to do was flap her wings and show the colts the tuft and she'd be up to her neck in dick faster than anyone could BLINK!
So what if the last couple colts that she had tagged and shagged weren't the some of the most... wholesome of specimens. She could get anypony in this town if she wanted!
Heck, she was so dang awesome that she could even get these freaky sex gods if she wanted! Yeah! Nonners plowed mares by the dozen, but Rainbow Danger Dash was gonna take him solo! Then everypony in SCP would know who the big tuffed badflank mare was!