Man struggles to assert his dominance in a mare's world. His solution? Become a pirate.
What's a man like Robin Crow to do when he's suddenly whisked away from his home to another world populated by magical talking ponies? What's he to do when all the ponies of said world don't take him seriously simply because of what he's packing downstairs? Resort to a life of piracy? Well it's a start. So go ahead and join Robin as he steals from the rich, runs from the law, and "befriends" a plethora of colorful characters in this totally original tale of piracy, ponies, and p-adventure.
Well...nobody asked for this, but here I am making it anyway. A pirate fic inspired by the Pirates of the Caribbean series and one or two other RGRE pirate fics I've read.
Contains: References, a cast of "original" characters, plot?, human-pony antics
"No Sparkle! Fuck you, I'm going to my room!" Robin yelled as he stomped angrily down the crystal hall, his quote unquote 'guardian' finding it ever so difficult to keep pace with the human as his two tall legs left her four grape-colored stumps in the proverbial, and pretty much literal, dust.
"But Robin, we're not done discussing this matter!"
"Oh yes we most certainly fucking are!" Robin responded, taking a sharp turn down a hallway and leaving the little short-ass lass behind him scampering to catch up. "In fact, last time I checked, we've BEEN done with discussing this a hell of a long time ago! But a certain someone has been constantly bringing it back up!"
"That's because a certain some-pony cares!"
"Well it would certainly do my sanity some good if you cared just a little less."
There was a audible gasp from behind but was apparently left on deaf ears as Robin came to a stop outside his bedroom door.
"Robin!" Twi gaped, seemingly appalled by what had just been spoken. "Why would you say something like that?!"
With a firm grip on the doorknob, Robin turned his head sharply and stared absolute daggers at the now slightly quivering and slightly teary-eyed equine princess.
"Why? WHY?!" He opened the small, at least for him, door with a flare of anger. "Maybe if you actually listened to me for once, You'd know exactly why!" And with that the human stepped into the room, turned, and slammed the door before marching over to the not-so human-sized bed and fell upon its comfy sheets with an exhausted-exasperated sigh.
"Damn over-protective book horse." Robin muttered as he closed his eyes for a much needed nap
...
Several minutes to an hour later and Robin was brought back to the land of the living by a trio of knocks on his front bedroom door. Hoping that his door's assailant would leave him, and it, be if ignored them, Robin was sadly proven wrong when the knocking persisted, leaving the man with only one other option. And that was to tiredly sigh as he got up, walked over to his door, opened it, and was about to give a certain purple, pint-sized pain in his ass a real-
"Hey Robin. What's up?"
"...Oh. Hey Spike."
Seeing the tiny dragon standing before him, Robin's rising anger was immediately cooled to only simmering irritation as he allowed a relieved smile to betray his manly features. Seeing the dwarf drake also in possession of a tray of grilled cheese and a side soup of the tomato variety was simply water on the fire as the man stood aside to allow his dragon friend entry.
"Man spike, am I glad it's just you." Robin said as he closed the door and proceeded over to the bed, his scaly bro in tow.
"Oh yeah?" Spike said, raising an inquisitive brow. "We're you and Twilight at it again?"
Giving the dragon a look, Robin ultimately sighed with emphasis on the exaggeration.
"Oh I don't know, what tipped you off?"
Putting the tray down on the bed, Spike hummed thoughtfully.
"Weeeelll, If I had to guess...the yelling definitely did it."
Sighing once again, Robin picked up a sandwich and began to dig in, all the while his guy friend, one of only a few actually, hopped up onto the bed and made himself comfy.
"Wanna talk about it?" Spike asked, to which Robbin readily accepted. And after ten minutes of intense discussion, mostly one-sided mind you, grilled cheese eating and soup sipping, Robin had finally arrived at the root of the problem.
"And yes. Despite her technically saving me from the Everfree, that doesn't give her the right treat me like a damn child. I mean look at me, I'm a grown-ass man god dammit!' Robin exclaimed, with a wave of his arm.
And all the while listening as intently as one could to his interdimensional buddy's woes, Spike nodded once and placed a little claw on said bro's leg.
"Hey bro. I feel ya. Sometimes I wish that Twilight and the others girls would treat me like an adult too." He then sighed. "But In the end, I'm still Spikey-Wikey to them. No matter what I do."
Understanding this shared moment of guy troubles, Robin simply nodded and patted the drake on his spiked back.
"Don't worry Spike, it'll happen one day, you'll see."
Nodding, Spike smiled in reassuring understanding before raising a balled up claw and presenting it to him, a gesture which Robin accepted with a fist of his own and coolly bumped them together.
"Thanks bro, that helped calm me down a lot. Really appreciated it."
"Anytime bro."
There was a moment of silence before Spike suddenly asked.
"So Robin, what are you going to do now?"
There was then a moment of pause before Robin suddenly replied.
"I don't know. Guess I'll be leaving then."
"Oh. Okay then...wait, WHAT?!"
Spike jumped to his claws in shock, then as fast as he could, he clambered up onto the Robin's lap and grabbed at his shirt.
"GO?! Wh-Wha-What do you mean go?!"
Robin shrugged.
"I mean, I'm going to pack up my stuff and head out." He then picked the little dragon up and placed him back on the bed.
"But...where will you go?" Spike continued, still bewildered by this alien-like independence. The human again shrugged.
"Not sure. Don't give a damn really, I just won't be staying here much longer, that's for sure." He then stood up and and walked over to a wooden trunk beside the wall, opened it, and soon began rummaging around in it. taking out clothes and other personal items along with a large sack, for some reason. "In fact, I'm leaving tonight."
"Tonight?!" Spike all but yelled before covering his mouth and resuming in a hushed voice. "Tonight?" But...where to?"
"as far away from here as I can, buddy." Robin said before pausing a moment. "Maybe...maybe to the sea? Always wanted to anyways. But could never find the time back home." Having finished taking out all his junk, he then brought the sack close and began filling it. He chuckled.
"Always dreamed of sailing, you know? Heh, and now? I think I'll actually try that out." He chuckled again. "Maybe with enough time and effort I'll even be a captain one day, or something ."
Blinking, at the human's choice of future affairs, Spike couldn't help but imagine his friend at the wooden wheel of a grand vessel, sailing across the open seas, being the one who gave orders rather than the other way around. And for just the briefest of moments, A thought had suddenly crossed Spike's mind, one so utterly ridiculous that it just needed to be mentioned, and mentioned it was.
"Hehe, yeah. Or heck, maybe even a pirate captain."
"..."
Robin paused in his packing at the utterance of those words. Words, that seemed to almost repeat in his head like a broken record player. Words that had seemingly ignited within himself a light that, for a time, had most likely been left merely flickering off in the corner of his mind up until suddenly blossoming to life at the mentioning of and pairing of two certain words.
"You know Spike," Robin finally said. "That's not a bad idea."
"Uh...What?"
That was all that Spike could say in response to that response before the human suddenly stood up, picked up his stuffed sack, and stepped over to the nearby window, whereupon he stood gazing dramatically at the burning red horizon.
"Pirate Captain Robin Crow...boy, do I like the sound of that."
...
The next morning, Twilight stood before Robin's closed bedroom door. It had kept her up almost all night the fight they had had and the topic on which was fought over. And after much thought, consideration, and a bit of self-perspective, Twi had finally made up her mind.
Knock Knock Knock
"Robin? Are you awake?"
"..."
"L-Look, I'm...sigh. Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday, okay? I shouldn't have let the norms of our world dictate the way I treat somepo- someone, especially when they're not only of an entirely different species, but from an entirely different universe."
"..."
"So...co-could you open the door? So we can just talk about all of this like big mar- hmm, l-like adults? Ro-Robi-?
Upon opening the unlocked door, Twilight was greeted with an empty room. Oh boy.
"Robin?!"
Looking about frantically, her fears were only heightened and confirmed when she noticed a single piece of parchment on the nightstand. Levitating it over, It read as such...
Dear Twilight. I'm leaving. Going to go become a pirate now. Have fun with life, I guess. I know I fucking will. Also, don't come looking for me. From Robin
"Sooooo, Robin, how exactly are you going to become a pirate?"
"Well...I'll be honest Spike. I'm not entirely sure."
Blinking, Spike came to a screeching halt as he stared absolutely dumbfounded at the human who also stopped to adjust the sack on his back. Once that was situated, he turned to smirk at the little dragon and continued.
"Now, I don't have ALL the details together. BUT I do have something, a three-step plan actually."
Intrigued by this, Spike raised a brow.
"O-Oh?" Well, what're the steps?"
Chuckling, Robin leaned back in the back of the wooden wagon they were riding on and began.
"Well, step one is first finding a ship and a crew. Step two is sailing the seas, pillaging and plundering until I make a name for myself or, at the very least, get my face plastered on every bounty board across Equestria. Annnd step three is uh...profit."
After he finished, Robin looked down at his traveling buddy, who in turn looked at him as if he'd grown a second head.
"What. Dude...that's it?"
Robin blinked.
"Well I'm still working it. But yeah, that's the gist of it."
"Well..." Spike looked down for a moment in thought before returning his gaze back at Robin. "I...sigh...I guess it's a start."
Smirking, Robin extended an arm and brought the drake into a close hug.
"That's the spirit, Spike! And don't worry, if push comes to shove. just leave everything to me." He then presented Spike with a clenched fist, quirked brow included. "Pirate pals?"
After a moment of looking between Robin and his awaiting hand, Spike sighed, then smirked, then coolly bumped the fist with his own, repeating Robin's words.
"Heh, yeah. Pirate pals."
"Aww. Isn't that just sweet."
Blinking, Both Spike and Robin turned to regard the the wagon's owner, a mare of coffee-colored mane and light tan coat glancing at them from over her shoulder with a very prominent smile on her snoot. Seeing though that her cover was blown, the mare blushed before uttering the bubbliest of giggles.
"Oops, hehe sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt." She turned back to face the road ahead. "Just couldn't help but overhear you two." She tilted her head. "Pirates, huh? Sounds like fun! A little dangerous for colts though, buuuut who am I to tell you two how to live your lives."
Smiling, Robin raised a brow.
"Oh yeah? Figured you'd be against the idea of two boys braving the world for themselves?"
"Eh. Maybe my mother would've been, but not me! I'm a progressive mare you see. Open-minded and all that. If some colts want to do something marely, I say let them."
Robin smirked.
"Really?" The mare nodded, causing Robin to chuckle. "Well I'll be, thanks miss."
"No problem."
Yawning, Robin looked over to his scaly buddy and as he was about to ponder a question, the lack of consciousness on his friend's end was proof enough that he had already beaten him to the finish line. Chuckling tiredly, Robin then paused as the wagon came to a sudden stop and only upon glancing at his surroundings did he find that they had stopped in a grassy field beside the road. And upon seeing the mare unhitch herself from the wagon and come around the side to the back did things become just a bit more clearer.
"Taking a break?" He asked the pony as he picked his purple friend up and deposited him onto a nearby sack of coffee beans, an alternative to the drake's usual basket bed and a preferred one at that if the content sigh and smile from the dragon was anything to go off of. He then patted the open space beside him.
Smiling at the invitation, the mare happily hopped up onto the wagonbed and sat down.
"Yup. Gotta rest up for the trip ahead."
"Oh?" Robin said, raising a brow. "And how long do you reckon until we reach our destination?"
rubbing her chin with a hoof, she pondered aloud.
"Hmm. With the progress we're making, I'd wager one, no, two days until we hit the sea? That is...as long as we don't pick up any other stallions along the way."
Hearing that, Robin scratched at the back of his head, chuckling nervously all the while.
"Heh. Yeah. I'm still real sorry for that by the way."
The mare raised a brow of her own.
"Oh? You mean jumping out of the bushes and scaring the absolute daylights out of me? Demanding that I give you and your friend a lift or you'd 'rub the absolute shit' out of my belly?"
"Hehah...yeah." Robin nervously chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry."
"Again, it's quite alright." She said, smiling sweetly and innocently before suddenly standing up and redepositing her hindquarters on his lap "Besides..." She said, sounding just a tad less innocent as she then rolled onto her back, hooves tucked, eyes half-lidded, and belly brought bare before Robin's slightly-widened eyes. "Who said I didn't still want a belly rub?"
Blinking, Robin silently stared down at the mare, looking as expectant as she did, and you know what? Who was Robin if not a soon-to-be pirate captain as well as a man of his word? And who could say this also wasn't a warning to prove just that?
Yeah. That sounds about right.
And so with that being enough of a believable excu-ahem, substantially concrete reasoning, Robin slyly smirked as he raised an arm, hand looming menacingly over the mare's bare barrel for a moment before suddenly descending the next.
Twilight, in her hurry and franticness, paused only for a moment to respond ever worriedly.
"I mean he just left!"
"But why would he leave outta the blue like that, sugarcube?"
"Well..." Twilight blushed a bit. "I...think it was because of our fight yesterday. But I didn't think that'd be reason enough to just leave like that! And take Spike no less!" She seemed to tear up at the up at the end. "Because of me, he-..."
A white hoof rested itself upon her shoulder.
"Now darling, it wasn't your fault."
"Sniff. R-Really?"
"Absolutely. This sort of drama is normal for growing colts and stallions." She paused. "Though, for what reason he'd steal away Spikey-wikey I just don't know."
"Maybe Spikey was worried that Robby-wobby would be scared by himself and went along with him."
"Be that as it may Pinkie, Spike is still a baby dragon." Sure enough, Twilight soon began to do the thing she was known for, and that was overthink and overreact. "Oh, what if they got lost on the Everfree? Or fell off a ship in the middle of the ocean? Or took a left when they should have gone right and are now being sold off by slavers as we speak?!"
"Twilight." Rainbow said, standing in front of the now hyperventilating mare. "Chill. The buck. Out. If there's any stallion I know that can take care of themselves, and that's a big if, it's him, so just relax, aight?"
"And how do you know that?!" Twilight all but shouted, to which Rainbow, suddenly growing a tad red, slowly responded.
"Well...let's just say he...helped me...with some stuff a while ago. Seeing their looks, she was quick to follow up. "Look, he's not like other stallions, alright! He's...cool, I guess. He isn't into all that prissy, sissy, stallion stuff like all stallions are so..." Damn she was blushing super hard now. And those wings...were not doing her any favors either . "So just stop worrying so much okay?!"
Waiting for Rainbow to gather herself, Twilight spoke up once again.
"Whatever the case may be, Rainbow." She started. "Robin and Spike are out there, alone and without a clue as to what they should do. As their caretaker-, no, as their friend, it is my responsibility to see to it that they are brought back here. Safe and sound." She then began to pack up a nearby saddlebag. "And I'm not just going to sit around here and wait."
"Where are you going, darling?"
"Out to go look for them." She then turned to the others. "You girls stay here in case they come back.
"But Twilight-"
"NO. I've already made up my mind. As their caretaker and friend, it's my responsibility to-"
Applejack stopped her with a hoof.
"We get it sugarcube, you're worried about them." She waved a hoof at herself and the others. "We are too, and...that's why we're all coming along too."
Twilight blinked incredulously.
"Wha-, but Applejack I said-"
"But nothing. You're worried for those two something fierce, we get that." She smirked. "And it's plain obvious that you'll just be running yourself hog wild if you're the only one searching for them. So that's why we're all going to be looking for them. Together! Ain't that right girls?"
A chorus of agreement rung clear, even if some were more hesitant than others.
"Really?" Twilight said, rubbing at her eyes. "You girls would really do something like that for me?"
"Of but of course darling." Rarity said, poofing her hair a bit. "Isn't that what friends do afterall? Help them chase after their crazy coltfriends?"
Jokes aside, Twilight was absolutely touched.
"Oh girls!"
And with classic friendship style, the girls all embraced eachother in a group hug.
Several heartfelt moments of fur-rubbing later and the girls finally separated with Twilight filled with a renewed sense of purpose and drive.
"Thanks girls, I...I needed that. Now come on! We can still catch up with them if we hurry!"
And with that, the girls headed out and off to their own places, hoping to gather whatever they thought would be needed for the inevitable journey ahead. But before she left for her cottage, Fluttershy, who hadn't said much during the whole conversation, suddenly turned to Twi with a determined look on her cute little face.
"Don't you worry one bit Twilight, I'm sure we'll find them soon enough."
"You really think so, Fluttershy?"
She nodded.
"Of course." then she smiled. "And besides, I'm sure they're thinking of coming back right now."
...Two days later...
"And so the man says to the nurse, 'Miss, I think that heart monitor there is broken.' And of course she asks why, and he says to her 'Because miss, how's it still beeping if I sure as shit know I'm seeing an angel right now?'
"Wow."
"Heh, yeah yeah, cheesy as all hell. Buuut she apparently liked it because two years after that, I was born."
"No way."
"I'm living proof, aren't I?"
Taking a sip from his milkshake, Spike sat back in his chair in awe as Robin simply stretched from his spot on the floor, a choice made all his own in defiance of tiny-ass chairs and to put at ease over-apologetic restaurant staff. But lack of playset furniture aside, that still didn't stop Robin from needing to tilt his head down a bit in order to properly address the dragon on the other side of the table. But at least they were somewhat eye-level with one another.
"So your dad was a sailor?"
"Yup. And so was his dad, and his dad, annnd his dad before him too." Robin said, continuing this little jaunt through his family line as far back as he could remember before needing to take a swig from his second milkshake. He chuckled. "Basically it was tradition. If you were the man of the house, then that meant you were already a man of the sea." Downing the last of his shake, Robin peered into the empty glass before looking back up at one very mystified Spike.
"Woah." Was all that the little dragon could say.
"Eh." Robin replied, shrugging away the awe. "Not much else to it, really. Just came natural to us, I guess."
"That's..." Spike paused, fumbling for a word that could properly portray his amazement at hearing his friend's seemingly legendary family history. "So wicked." Nailed it.
"Heh. I guess it is."
"So wait a minute." Spike suddenly said, a question just as suddenly finding itself at the forefront of his racing thoughts. "If all the guys in your family were 'men of the seas'...does that mean that at one point, one of them was an actual pirate?"
At that, Robin found himself momentarily befuddled as he thought it over and, after thinking as far back as he could recall the oldest stories his dad, grandfather, and various uncles had told him while either sober or drowned in hooch, he had come to the sudden conclusion that that very question could've held some actual truth to it. A potential reality within a definite possibility.
"I...I don't actually know Spike." Robin finally said, genuine wonder and curiosity dripping from his words like the drops of strawberry milky goodness that cornered his lips. "I mean, as far back as I can actually remember, nearly every one of my forefathers severed as a seaman." He then looked at his hand, counting off three fingers. "Midway, Hampton Roads, Lake Erie." He blinked, then smiled. "...For every century since the founding of my nation back home and even well before that, there was always a Crow." He hummed thoughtfully. "But a pirate Crow?"
Shaking his head, Robin was now more sure than he'd ever been before. This, this was his chosen path. Maturity and other adult responsibilities be damned, this was fate.
"Come on, Spike." Robin said while digging into his pockets and slapping onto the table's top a number of bits he borrowed from Twilight before standing up and stretching, much to the surprise of the waitress and cafe's other outdoor patrons. "Time to go." And without waiting for Spike to chug the rest of his milkshake, Robin walked off. leaving the dragon to jog after, up to, and behind the striding human.
"Where are we going now?" Spike asked curiously.
And without stopping, Robin simply responded in kind.
"Where are we going?" He repeated before chuckling. "Why, to go work on step one, obviously."
Spike hummed irritably as he dragged himself along after his friend, who moved at a somewhat leisurely pace along the long wooden pier of the harbor that the two found themselves marching across. To their left spanning from one end of the boardwalk to the other was a sizeable fleet of docked vessels of varying sizes separated only by the smaller piers that flanked their bobbing sides. A collection of whom proved in the variety department of species and purpose alike as ponies tended to sails, griffons brought up large fishing nets, and even a few yaks acted as the pulleys to a large crane that brought cargo from a nearby vessel to the awaiting dockhooves waiting patiently beside them. Overall, the dock was a hive of seagoing activity and the choices of a vessel and adjacent crew were honestly ripe for the picking.
That is at least what a certain dragon was thinking as he continued to pass by the abundance of options floating next to him. However, it also seemed to a certain dragon that a certain human was turning a blind eye to all of them due to either a lack of specification or an abundance of indecisiveness.
"Sigh. Well then which one DO you want, Robin?" Spike asked, hoping that the tinge in his voice would indicate to his friend that as the crossed more of the pier, and there was only maybe a quarter of pier left, there were only a clawful of ships left. That thought process was halted however when said friend abruptly stopped, leaving the little drake to clumsily bump into the back of his leg with only the gruffest of oofs.
Looking up at him, Spike was about to ask why'd he stopped when he noticed that Robin was looking at something to his left, a something that most notably had caught his eye. Following it, Spike turned to see the second to last ship on the line and oh what a ship it was. Double decks, three masts, and armed with what looked to be a sizeable array of cannons.
Oh yeah. She was a galleon all right. And she was the one.
How so?
Well for Robin...it was pretty obvious. See for him, the ship seemed to almost call out to him, beckoning him forth like some kinda siren of the sea, and boy did he welcome it with open arms and dropped pants.
And Spike? Well maybe not so much. Because where Robin had his mind set on just the ship, Spike was seeing just about everything else. And that included not only the Equestrian royal navy flag flying high above her foremast, but also the very prominent presence of guardsmares and sailors alike that either marched or worked on her deck or on the piers she was tied to.
"Um, Robin?" Spike asked, tugging at the human's pants leg. "I-I don't think-"
"That's her, Spike." Robin suddenly said, smirked from ear to ear. "That's our ship."
Blinking, Spike turned to give the human the most dumbfounded look he could currently muster at that point but found himself briefly forgotten as Robin was already heading towards the dock. Quick to act, Spike dashed forward and managed to just barely overtake the human before spinning about and shoving both claws forward, effectively halting the man just short of tripping him over and momentarily snapping the man out of his apparent trance.
"Whoawhoawhoa! Hold on!"
Blinking, Robin looked down at his scaly friend and raised a brow.
"What's wrong Spike?"
Again, looking incredulously up at the man, Spike could only fumble with several different reasons just why things were wrong, but instead settled on the most obvious.
"I know I shouldn't have to ask this...but were you really just about to go over there and expect them to just give the ship to you?"
Blinking, Robin's brow remained raised.
"They weren't?"
"..."
"I'm joking, Spike! I'm joking!" Robin laughed, trying to reassure the literally fuming dragon before him. Probably shouldn't piss something off that could smoke your ass in a second. "I'm not an idiot, I swear. Well...not mostly anyway."
Spike wasn't amused. And now he's doing that little foot-tapping thing.
"Okay, okay. I'm done, alright? Besides. I've already got a plan in place on getting us onto that boat."
Hearing that, Spike ceased his tapping. And instead crossed his little arms as he wasn't totally buying what Robin was selling. But it seemed that all Robin had to do in turn was to hit Spike with one of his infamous winning smiles, causing the drake to inevitably brake.
"Alright, fine." Spike said after finally caving from his own curiosity. "What's your plan?"
Chuckling, Robin crouched low and gave his friend a pat of his spiked head before standing back up and walking off, all the while responding coolly.
"Oh it's simple really, Spike. We're just gonna hitch another ride."
...Several hours later...
"Sigh. I'm soooo buuuuuucking borrrrreeed."
"Oh? You don't say."
"I am. And I'll say it again. I'm bored."
"Tsk. And who's fault is that, I wonder?"
"Huh?! What's that supposed to mean?"
Sighing loudly, the guard mare turned to her obnoxious friend.
"Gee, I don't know. Maybe if a certain somepony didn't do a certain something to a certain stallion in a certain castle, we both wouldn't be here guarding this dock."
The other guard was flabbergasted.
"Wha-?! ME?! You think this is my fault?!"
The other guard nodded shortly.
"Yes."
"Wha-, well-...well he deserved it, didn't he!? No prissy stallion's gonna think they're entitled to any mare they please just because they're rich."
"Does that also include royalty? Hmm?"
"So what if he was a Celestia-damned prince?! A prick with a dick is still a prick who deserves to get kicked in the dick."
"The fact that he WAS Celestia's damned nephew IS the reason, you idiot!"
"Whatever. What I did was a service to innocent mares everywhere."
"No, it wasn't."
"Was so! Didn't I stop him from lulling his soon-to-be victim into a false sense of comfort and sensibility?"
The other guard facehoofed.
"Okay FIRST, I was not going to be his 'victim.' And secondly, he was-"
"Ahem."
Suddenly made aware of a another pony in their immediate presence, both the guardsmare correcting her friend and the guardsmare being corrected cutely yelped in unison before drawing their spears on the wagon-drawing mare who also cutely yelped as a result.
"Whoa! Whoa! Sorry! Didn't mean to sneak up you two like that. Just uh...didn't want to bump into either of you with this here wagon."
Blinking, both guardsmares glanced at eachother before quickly reassuming standard guard posture.
"Y-You didn't sneak up on us!" The second guard said, trying her best to look professional despite the slight blush on her cheeks. "Just uh...surprised us is all."
"Yeah!" The other one said. "W-What she said."
"Right! Well, again I'm real sorry about that!" The tan mare said, throwing the two an apologetic smile as she attempted to casually pass by them, big ass wagon and all. "I'll just uhhh, be on my way then."
she did manage to get five steps in before the guards were back in front of her.
"Now wait just a minute." The first one said, raising a brow at the mare. "Who said we'd just let you pass us by like that?"
"Oh! Well I just assumed that since the two of you seemed quite busy with guarding this here pier, I'd just save you misses the hassle of another boring cargo check."
"They ARE a real pain." The first guard agreed with a nod.
"Right." The other one simply said. "And just what exactly ARE you hauling in, if I might ask?
"Oh, you know." The mare coolly responded. "Rations, alcohol, extra sailor hats..."
"So just the usual stuff then?"
"You...betcha."
"Uh-huh." The other guard said, still not completely convinced. "And what about the crate?"
"Crate?"
"Yeah." The guard nodded, pointing behind the mare. "That big one there. What's inside it?"
Blinking, the mare actually glanced over her shoulder at the wooden crate currently taking up a half of her wagon's length and almost all of its width.
"An...animal."
"Excuse me?"
"Yeah. Yeah, you heard me." The mare said, suddenly sounding very confident. "A beast, really. Or so I've been told." She then hunched down, speaking in a hushed tone. "It's actually asleep right now. Took a dozen mares to do it too."
They aren't seriously believing this, are they?
"Really?!" The first guard quietly shouted, clearly abuzz with interest. The wagon mare simply nodded.
"I still find that hard to believe."
"Well they DID say it was originally from the Everfree."
The two guards immediately ah'd in unison before stepping aside and allowing the mare to pass.
"Now THAT makes sense." The second mare said while her companion only nodded. "You can go right along then. Stay safe, alright?"
"I will!" The mare said with a smile as she trotted passed the pair and headed towards the vessel on the other end of the pier. "Thank you for understanding!"
Seeing the mare go, the two guards then turned and returned to their previous posts. A moment later, the second guardsmare suddenly spoke up.
"Now where was I? Oh yeah. As I was saying, he was JUST complimenting my manestyle!"
"EXACTLY!" The first mare all but yelled. "That's how it always goes! First he's complimenting your mane, then your eyes, and then, soon enough...BOOM! He's overpowered you with his slutty stallion ways and reduced you to a weeping, begging, dripping me-!"
"This is all because he told you that you weren't his type, wasn't it?"
"..."
"..."
"Sniff. Yes."
...
Knock Knock Knock
"Alright. I think we're in the clear now."
"...You sure?"
"Yup. Told the sailors that they'd missed one last bit of cargo and so you two will be loaded onboard last. Shouldn't be a few more hours before you're both out to sea."
Hearing that, Robin sighed happily from within the cramped crate. At least, it was cramped for him, Spike was just fine sitting crossed-legged opposite the hutched human.
"I still can't thank you enough for doing this for us."
"Think nothing of it!" The mare happily exclaimed as she took a seat beside the box's exterior. "I'm just glad I could help you two get to where you're going one last time!" She giggled. "Besides. It was really fun, exciting even. That's payment enough."
"Well, if you say so." Robin said, before a thought suddenly came to mind. Chuckling, the human popped open the lid of the box and, with his hand snaking out and practically hissing above the mare's head, suddenly struck.
"Wha-?! O-Oh. Ohhh. Oooooooooohohoho."
Smirking from within the crate, Robin had only himself to thank for his ingenious idea of a reward as he patted, rubbed, and scratched the good little pony's head. Cause honestly, only good ponies deserved head pats, rubs, and ear scratches.
"There we go. Should be a fitting enough reward, eh?"
The mare only continued to happily groan as she all but shoved her head into the man's palm with gusto. Sadly however, all good things must come to an end, and more so for the mare than for the man, that meant the petting had to stop, immediate whimpering aside.
"Well...guess that's that then." Robin said as he retracted his hand, much to the pony's dismay. "Again, miss. it's been a real pleasure. Until we meet again!"
"R-Right." The mare said, hanging her head.
"Oh right! Almost forgot."
"Y-Yes?!" The mare exclaimed, her hope renewed.
"Yup. Spike! Would you kindly thank the good mare?"
"Oh yeah!" Spike said, popping his head out of the crate. "Thanks a lot, miss!"
"Ye-Yeah." The mare said, her head returning to its hanging. "No problem."
And with that, the mare turned her cart around and headed back, a hoof still idly petting the spot where a hand had once been.
Robin and Spike meanwhile remained seated within the crate. That is...
"So Robin." Spike said, crossing his claws. "How long are we going to have to wait in here?"
After readjusting himself for a more comfortable position, Robin hummed thoughtfully.
"Not sure, Spike. Might be a few hours though."
The dragon sighed.
"Well...what do we do now?"
Hearing his buddy's woes, the human simply smirked before reaching for his pack and, after a bit of rummaging around inside, brought out a deck of playing cards.
“Don’t worrrrry Spike. The plan’s still coming along.”
“Really?”
“Yup.”
“Really?”
“Totally.”
It totally wasn’t. Because if things were in fact going to plan, the two of them would not currently be sitting in the brig under armed guard. Damn bladder, making you need to piss at all the worst times. Key Example? Making you forfeit your hiding spot just as two mares wanna try and reenact that wagon scene from that one movie they saw on leave.
“So us getting caught is a part of the plan?”
“A...slight detour from what I originally had in mind.” Cue the stare. “But hey! Like my grandpa once said, ‘winds may blow and seas may churn, but one way or another, we Crows always get to where we’re going.’”
“...Really?” The little drake asked with spiked curiosity, to which the man smirked wisely.
“For. Sure.”
He...actually wasn’t lying. Well at least not in this case anyways. The Crows did in fact have somewhat of an reputation for sometimes getting lost at sea for ludicrous periods of time only to be eventually rescued at the brink of death or miraculously reunited with civilization, civil or otherwise. And it was that point that Robin was trying to emphasize to one purple and green disbeliever by retelling the tale of his grandpa and that one time he had to teach some Somalian pirates the real meaning of Maritime Law when there came the sudden clacking of hooves and the two guards outside their cell who were both trying, and failing, not to be interested in his story immediately snapped to attention.
“At ease.”
Raising a brow, Robin and Spike both turned to see a new pone enter the scene. And what a mare she was. Standing with all the flare and regality that only a true, rich-blooded posh pone could muster and or imitate, the unicorn before them sported a snow white coat and a crimson mane that was, oddly enough, styled similarly like another certain purple pone’s, though hers looked to be of the longer verity as she actually had to tilt her head up a bit in order to see them. Actually now that Robin thought about it, that was probably what she was going for because if she was trying to look as mean as she was lean, and she was, then she was most certainly an overachiever. Like seriously, maybe it was all the little scars that ran up and down the mare’s body or the four wooden katanas sheathed at her flanks, but got damn was Robin already digging little miss jacked samurai over here.
Spike wasn’t though. He was busy practically shitting himself while he cowered behind his smirking friend.
“So.” The little whinnying warrior started, her voice baring a odd familiarity to the human, despite this being their first ever encounter, but still making him daw nonetheless at the edge in her tone. “Care to tell me just who and...what you are?”
Introductions baby, let’s not blow them.
“Well good morning to you too miss...?”
“Blossom Blade.”
Holy shit badass name is badass.
“Well Miss Blade, you may not know me. But you will soon know of me. For I am Robin Crow. Man of the seas, beast in the sheets, and future pirate captain.” He leaned to the side, pointing at his shaking shipmate. “And this little purple pilot light is my good pirate pal, Spike the dragon.”
“H-H-Hi.”
The mare only huffed.
“Wonderful.” She said, emotion not quite matching the word. “And here I thought today was going to be a nice, normal day.” She scoffs. “But no. I have to deal with a pair of delusional stowaways, stallions no less. Rich.”
“Impressed?” Robin smirked, to which the mare immediately scoffed at.
“Hardly. The only reason you two got on board in the first place was because the crew was slacking in their duties.” She glanced at the guards on either side of her. “An issue that I will see to resolving myself.” The guards visibly stiffened at that. “Regardless.” She looked back at the imprisoned pair. “I will be reporting this matter to the captain personally and she will see to a proper punishment for you lot.” Her eyes narrowed. “And don’t think that just because you’re colts that she’ll go easy on you either. Because she won’t.”
Spike, ever the one to set the example of how someone would normally react to such an comment, audibly gulped at that. Robin meanwhile, being the chad that he was soon to be notoriously known across the high seas for, merely chuckled.
“Better watch yourself, tight ass.” He said to the visible shock of all others present. The unicorn’s eyes narrowed but the grin Robin sported only got more shit-eating-er as he reclined, hands at the back of his head and Spike at his side, tugging violently at his shirt in an attempt to cease the man’s invitation to an inevitable ass-blasting. To no avail. “Don’t wanna go promising a guy a good time if you don’t intend to keep it.”
The mare’s snoot flared, a slight blush working in there too.
“Ex-cuse me?” The unicorn all but hissed, causing the guards at her sides to take one step away from her as she simultaneously took one step towards the steel bars. “Care to repeat that, colt.”
“Oh you heard me, Miss Blade.” Robin said, suddenly pushing himself up to stand, much to the surprise of the two guardmares, and to a lesser but still noticeable degree, Blossom Blade who almost reached for her weapons, but still remained calm even as the man towered over her. The human then stared down to where the unicorn had to practically crane her head up to see the gleaming canines that smirked right back at her. “Here you come in. Your fine ass telling me and my boy were getting the capital P.” He hunches, his hair brushing across the ceiling as his arms crossed at his chest. “But what’s the worst you could do, huh? Really?”
“You’ll see.” The mare simply stated, some semblance of bite returning to her voice. The man however smiled, crouching just a foot from the cell’s bars and just a few inches beyond that before the unicorn playing tough. “The captain of this ship cares not for another’s status, preference, or gender. All aboard this ship are treated equally and punished justly.” Her rosy eyes narrowed. “But you’ve made a mockery of not only her ship, but of her crew and to an extent, her. And when the time comes that she decides your fate, she won’t hold back.”
The human smiled, challengingly.
“I sure fucking hope so.”
“I don’t lie.”
“Good. Because I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“Oh, you say that…”
“Hey.” The man chuckled, raising his hands. “I’m just hoping your not yanking my chain is all.” He then wiggled his brows. “Unless you want to, that is.”
And cue the incoherent blushing horse noises.
“Wha-?! H-How DARE you even consider that I-“
Boop
Now at that, the mare instantly stiffened. So did the guards, before they both took another step away from the now slowly shaking unicorn. Raising a brow, Robin remained crouched, his hand between the bars and index finger left pressed against the unicorns soft and slightly smushed snootle, patiently awaiting her response while Spike slowly backed himself into the wall opposite the pair.
“Y-Y-You…” She cutely stuttered before her horn suddenly lit up a deep crimson and the four swords previously at her sides were now all hovering at eye level, each imitation blade’s razor-carved tip pointed at Robin’s raised brows.
“What’s this?” Robin chuckled coyly. “Not a fan of boops?”
“If you cherish your life, much less your claw,” The mare growled, eyes alight and voice dripping with enough venom to drown a rattlesnake in. “I suggest you remove it. Now.”
Narrowing his eyes, Robin’s smirk remained intact the whole ordeal as the unicorn narrowed her own eyes, an unspoken challenge accepted as the human mulled over the mare’s threat, gave the blades a glance or two, really wondering just what this pony would do besides just senselessly pummeling him with plywood before, with a hum, he finally retracted his finger.
“I see you mean business…very well.” He slumped back. “I apologize for my actions.”
“Hmph.” Was all Blossom Blade responded with before sheathing the swords with a flick of her horn. “Keep your apologies, colt.”
“Sure can do, miss.” He said, throwing a mock salute.
Giving him a look, to which he responded with another smirk, the mare let forth a disgruntled sigh before she turned and stormed off, leaving the frightened guards and prisoners to themselves for a moment or so before the guards both sighed.
“Damn, colt.” The left guard breathed, glancing off to where the fuming mare disappeared to before side-eying Robin over her shoulder. “You crazy or something?” The other guard only nodded rapidly.
Robin simply shrugged, chuckling.
“Not my fault the girl can’t take a joke.” He said, before glancing down at Spike. “Right, Spike?”
“Dude.” Spike breathed, trying to calm his rapidly beating heart. “I think that mare was actually going to kill you.”
But at that, Robin only laughed, patting him on the back.
“Trust me Spike. When the day will come that I kick the bucket, I’ll be the one doing the kicking, understand?”
“Wha-?” Was all the little dragon could get out before he was suddenly hoisted up and thrown into a hearty headlock, his little legs kicking air as he blinked up at the smiling human.
“What I’m saying is Spike.” Robin said, giving the slightly suffocating drake who slapped at his arm for air a thoughtful grin before placing the heaving drake on his lap. “I die when I say I do, bud. That means…that neither the sea, nor land, nor all the cute little pones that call this planet home will stop me from getting what I’m owed.”
“…And that is?” Spike asked, hesitant at first but just as obviously curious as the obviously eavesdropping guards were.
Robin only chuckled. What did he want in life?
“A fulfilling life of fame…fortune…and fucking fun.”
Hearing that, Both Spike and the guards, after giving it a moment’s thought, smiled. Sure, it was a bit broad, but hell, that just made it that more appealing, right? It was a simple man’s goal in life. HIS life. The very same one which had unsurprisingly been sought after by man himself for centuries and for centuries had claimed his life a hundred times over. But dammit all if he wouldn’t strive for that very same goal with every zero-fuck-giving fiber of his freedom-loving, emasculation-rejecting, return-to-yarr man-bod. And that was a mother-fucking promise.
“By the way, Spike.” Robin said, once he was done briefly reminiscing on what it meant to be a man. “I never did ask myself, what do you want out of all this?”
“M-Me?” He asked, the man nodding. “W-Well to be a pirate, l-like you!”
“Sure, Spike. You say that, bro.” Robin said before he pointed at the dragon, unintentionally booping him. “But I’m wagering that’s short-term shit.”
“R-Really?” He asked, to which the man only nodded before he slowly began lowering his arm, the finger trailing.
“Yup. So imma ask again. What do you want to do buddy? Follow-up question.” The arm finally stopped its decent, with the finger pointing at the drake’s chest. “What’s this place want out of life?”
The dragon looked down, then back up at the human, his brow raised.
“What’s my stomach want?” He asked. The human frowned.
“Was pointing at your heart, bro.” He checked. Moved his finger up a bit. Checked again. Then just decided to spin the finger in a circle. “Okay in this general area of body that includes your heart…what does it want out of life?”
And that…well that made the drake pause, got the little him thinking too.
“What I want to do?” He began. The man nodded.
“Yeah?”
“What I want…is to…”
“Go on.” The man said gesturing for him to continue.
“What I want…” Spike started, his eyes narrowing in thought. “Is to be treated like an adult.”
“And?”
“To…earn the respect of my friends.”
“Anything else?”
“And…” The dragon closed his eyes, thinking a moment more before a slight blush suddenly dusted his cheeks. “A-And…”
“Come on buddy, don’t leave me hanging.”
“A-And…m-maybe…finding a special someone along the way…or-or something, I guess.” The drake quickly and cooly finished, rubbing at the back of his head before the hearty laugh and pair of daww’s that followed soon after caused his blushing to redouble.
“Hahah!” Robin bellowed, smiling wickedly as a open-palmed pat hit Spike’s back with enough force to nearly send him flying had the human not already put him into another headlock. “Now we’re talking, brother!” He said now standing and pumping a fist into the air as the dragon just hung limply and took it. “I knew no boy of mine was gonna waste his life as some marshmallow-woofing simp!”
Somewhere, a certain mare sneezed.
Suddenly and thankfully ceasing his childish hopping and hollering, the man gently dropped his friend on the floorboards and, after dropping to a knee himself, placed a firm hand on his scaly little shoulder. There was a faint tear in his eye.
“Spike.” Robin said, meeting the drake’s eyes with his own. “My buddy. Pal. My motherfucking brother from another fatherfucking mother.” The drake’s free shoulder was also firmly grasped. “Of all the times that I have ever or will ever talk bullshit, believe me when I say this isn’t bullshit.”
“O-Okay.”
He sighed. Then, sporting the most serious look Spike had ever not seen Robin ever sport, the man looked the drake straight in the eye and said simply…
“What, want me to prove it?” Another brow raise. A challenge?
“Y-You really don’t have to.” A plea?
“Well too bad, because I’m going to anyway.” Challenge fucking accepted.
And without another word from Spike, Robin released one grip on his shoulder and reached for his neck, where upon diving behind the collar of his shirt and popping back out a second later, revealed to the world, Spike, and the two obviously watching mares, a metal chained necklace never before seen by any of the three previously mentioned. And on that chain hung something that neither of the three probably ever expected.
“You know what this is Spike?” Robin asked, the item in question raised to gleam before the ever-widening eyes of one surprised drake and two equally bewildered mares. “This is the skull of a crow, made entirely out of metal.” He removed it from his neck, holding it by the chain to turn until it stared back at the dumbfounded drake through its hollowed out eyeholes. “Yup. Literally fucking metal, right?” The dragon could only nod. “And it gets better too.”
Blinking, Spike had to practically tear his eyes away from the morbid trinket to give Robin a raised brow.
“It does?”
“Uh-huh.” Robin nodded, smirking as he rested the skull in his open palm, rubbing it tenderly. “Because this here skull is something truly to behold. The metal used to make it? Heh. Fuck, now that’s a hell of a story.” He was then silent a moment before he looked up, raising a brow at the little dragon. “Wanna hear it?”
The drake, blinking as he stared between Robin and the bewitching crow skull, was nodding his head before he even knew it. And as the sound of clattering armor and discarded arms drew Robin and Spike’s attention towards the guards, they too found them vying to get a listen in as they both sat in front of their cell, eyes glued, ears attentive, and tails only slightly wagging.
Heh. Guess it was story time then.
Chuckling, Robin simply shrugged before he replaced the necklace where it rightfully belonged and sat down, legs crossed, one hand on his lap, the other holding the wicked accessory up in the lantern-light for all to behold.
“Well, kiddos…buckle the fuck up. Because I’m about to tell you three a tale, aka The tale, aka just what the fuck it means…to be a Crow.”
It could be well assured that there were but few mares who loved the sea as much as Milla did. And considering that she graduated top of her class at the Canterlot University of Naval Training, there were even fewer that could match her. She seemed to have it all. The looks, the skills, the drive, hell even that Sponish flare that just seemed to bewitch stallions and mares alike at a mere glance. And considering the position she held, the mares she knew, and the ship she entrusted always to get her and her hearty crew from one place to another, it seemed as if she were invincible.
Or was she?
Sure, it may have seemed like she was content with life and how things were now. And sure, a relaxing trip across the great blue, void of danger and brimming with peace was always welcomed.
But then again, where was the fun? Where was the adventure? The Excitement? The thrill that she was promised when she joined the royal navy?
Okay, so the occasional boardings and rare skirmishes with pirates were a welcomed change of pace. But besides those, some random incursions with storms and maybe a sudden break into a shanty or two, a mare of her stature could only live off of her dreams of merstallions, booze, and group snuggle sessions for so long before she was practically begging the great blue to do something to her.
But then again, good things came to those who waited, right? And Milla was a good mare. A great one. She was patient, she would wait…but damn it all if something could just hap-
“Captain!”
Blinking from her churning thoughts, The mare turned, blinking before smiling at the sudden appearance of her loyal and lovable first mate. She seemed a bit flustered though. And she wasn’t the one who caused it? That was…new.
“Ah, Miss Blossom Blade. Something the mat-?”
“I’ve come to report!” The unicorn said, suddenly cutting her captain off to both their surprise. She blinked. Then blushed. “A-Apologies, Captain Milla, I-“
“It’s fine, it’s fine.” The captain said, walking up slowly to the riled pone. She rested a hoof on her slightly shaking wither and smiled. “Maybe some tea while you give your report, hmm?” Hesitant, the mare finally nodded and already was the cocoa colored mare hoofing her a cup, which the unicorn accepted with more gratitude than usual as she practically downed the whole thing in a single sip.
“So.” Milla said, garnering her friend’s attention. “Your report, about the stowaways I presume?” The unicorn nodded. “Que pasó?”
Taking a moment to relax herself, a moment longer than the captain was normally used to, the white unicorn gave her the deets, and what interesting deets they were. The little stowaways she heard about from the others but couldn’t see herself because she was busy sle- working dutifully in her quarters? They were stallions! That was a first in Milla’s book for sure. Very interesting. But then they weren’t even stallion stallions at all! That definitely got a brow raise from her.
Okay so apparently, there was two of them, one was a small talking lizard, a dragon colt if either of the mares could believe that, and the other was…well that’s when Blossom kinda lost some steam and had to actually describe him physically. And really, after she heard the phrase ‘a tall, bipedal monkey thing that talks,’ Milla was sure Blossom was probably referring to a diamond dog. But no, she suddenly got more specific. Practically hairless, no tail, small eyes, black mane, wore clothes, a complete plothole, strange cla-
“Wait a minute.” The mare said, her first mate pausing in her report. “What was that last bit?” He wore clothes. “No, after that.” Strange claws? “Before that.” A complete and utter plothole? “Yeah that. What did you mean by that?”
Now at that the mare paused, looking up at her captain with a bit of a miffed expression before she gestured with a hoof for her to continue and the unicorn could stay it no longer. Sighing, she began to elaborate, bringing up the conversation they had, retelling the things she said and what he said back.
In the first half of the recitations, the captain, silently following along, had immediately become enthralled with this rebel rouser of a colt the moment Blossom told her about his little ‘compliment.’ One that she smiled at even if it made Blossom pout something fierce.
But then when Blossom got into the other half of the quoting, she got into it. As she went on, she began to fume, and once she mentioned the boop, of which the captain of course chuckled at, the mare began to vent her thoughts, getting just a bit too expressive in her words and unintentional sword-drawing before the captain had to bop her one, bringing the mare back from her fit and of course causing her to blush as she apologized profusely thereafter. But Milla was cool about it.
Really though, this stallion…
“And what was his name again?” She asked, to which the unicorn, recovering from her embarrassment, begrudgingly replied.
“Robin Crow.” She practically spat before making a face as she spoke in a deeper tone. ‘Man of the seas, beast in the sheets, and future pirate captain.’ Sigh. What a joke.”
“Is that so?” Milla said, smiling at Blossom’s apparent impression of him as she walked over to her little desk at the far end of the room. Pulling open a drawer, she brought out what looked to be a journal before tossing it atop the desk and, once she’d seated herself in her comfy wooden chair, brought a nearby quill to bare, gave it an ink dip, then got to scribbling something in before she glanced up at the only other mare in the room. “Was that all?” She asked behind the writing utensil.
Blinking, Blossom stuttered something before she coughed into a hoof and quickly finished off the last bits of her report. She then stood quietly, patiently awaiting her captain’s response as she busied herself with another minute or so of writing before she suddenly paused, spat out the quill, then glanced up at unicorn.
“I think I would like to meet these two.” To the unicorn’s incredulous look she continued. “I wanna see these two for myself, have them answer some questions I have and, depending on what they say, decide what should be properly done about them. Is any of that a problem, Miss Blossom?”
“Well, Captain.” The unicorn started as her captain had already put her book away, closed the drawer, and stood up to stretch. “I just don’t think it’s safe is all.”
“Really?” Milla smiled, raising a brow. “That’s all?”
“He’s unpredictable, he’s…” She paused as Milla stood beside her, tilting her head.
“Yes?”
“He’s…different.” She narrowed her eyes up at her captain. “He’s not like other stallions, that I’m sure of.”
“So?”
“So…sigh. I’m just not sure if it would be wise to meet him face to face. I-I have this feeling about him.”
“Oh?”
“There’s something…strange about him. Alien almost, if that make senses Miss Milla.”
“Well you know what they say about colts and the sea.”
“‘They just don’t mix.’ Yes captain, I am aware. Just…please be careful with this one.”
The captain only smiled.
“Hmm. Oh believe me, I will. Wouldn’t want this colt thinking he’s got two mares under his spell, right?” There’s the brow wiggle again.
Annnnd there goes Blossom back to a full blush.
“C-C-Captain! I am not-!”
Laughing heartedly, the mare threw a hoof over her first mate, smirking as the mare simmered out.
“Kidding, Blossom, I’m just kidding!” She patted her back reassuringly. “Really though, you don’t gotta worry about me, I’ll be fine. I’ve handled my share of…exotic stallions before, believe me. I’m sure this one won’t be any different.”
“Are you sure, captain?”
“Of course! Besides, I’m sure if this big bad colt does try something, which I highly doubt he will, you’ll be there to put him in his place before things get too out of hoof.”
“Well…you're not wrong there.”
“Always am. Now.” The mare went, walking away from the unicorn and towards a nearby chest and wardrobe. “How about you get all the girls together topside, get those two out of their cell, and we’ll go from there.”
“Um…” The unicorn went, watching as her captain opened and began to rummage about in the two containers. “Of course, captain. I’ll see to that. But what are-“
“Oh don’t mind me Blossom. Just gonna put something on is all.” She said, her flank swaying and little hooves kicking as she dug through her chest. “First impressions and all that.” She then paused, glancing back at the unicorn still standing by her door. “Well go on then, shoo.”
Blinking, the unicorn shook her head, saluted, then turned and exited, leaving the Captain to huff before she returned to her deep-chest diving.
“Now. Where did I put that old…ah-hah!”
---
“…And so after all the little metal trinkets were taken from each coffin, he had them melted down and forged into the very piece of wicked bling you see before you today. And that, ladies and gentledragon…is what it means to be a Crow.”
“…”
“…”
“‘...”
“Any questions?”
“…”
“…”
“…Dude.”
“Yes, Spike?”
“…You’re so fucking cool.”
Robin chuckled. He was such a bad influence.
“Not exactly a question pal, but thanks for the compliment.” He glanced passed the bars at the pair of jaw-dropped mares. “How about you two?”
“…Mister Robin?”
“Yeah?”
“…Why are you so bucking cool?”
Another chuckle. This time with a shrug.
“Hey. Sometimes you’re just born with it, you know?”
“No shit.” The other mare breathed. Then she blinked. “So wait. That skull…” she pointed at the piece in question with a shaky hoof. “It’s not just made from the metal your grandstallions kept on them…b-but also-“
“The actual skulls of the crows that served alongside them?” Robin finished, Causing the mare to gulp before hesitantly nodding. “Oh, you best believe it.” He chuckled, rubbing the charm thoughtfully. “Like I said, missy. Whenever there was a major war, wherever it was fought, if it was fought near the water, you bet your sweet little ass there was a Crow fighting in it and a crow helping win it. From the first crow, Liberty, who took a shot for the first Crow during the civil war, to Fido the crow who had my grandpa’s six in the Middle East.”
“That’s so awesome.” Spike said, the two guards only nodding furiously in agreement.
“Well I’m glad you three liked it so much.” Robin nodded, tucking the chain back behind his shirt collar. His eyes lingered on the mares. “And now I bet you two are going to go tell that story to all your little friends, huh?”
Seeing their reactions, that of which instantly amounted to sweating bullets, the human could only guess that he guessed right.
“W-Would you be okay with it?” The guard on the right, the shyish blue one, innocently asked.
“And if it’s not, that’s totally cool.” The other guard, the chiller red one, assured. “We’ll keep quiet.”
“Really?” Robin said, quirking a brow.
“Hey. We’re no schoolcolts, we won’t go fibbing behind your back.” The mare said before her right red wing suddenly unfurled to cover her bountiful chest fluff that all birdpones were naturally gifted while the other wing was raised upwards. “I pegasus promise you that.”
Still giving the still pledging pegasus a look, Robin glanced over to the unicorn beside her, arching a brow as if to silently confirm if she was bullshitting him, who after glancing at said pegasus and then at the human, silently and firmly nodded. Another glance between the two and Robin finally sighed.
“Well…I guess I wouldn’t be entirely against you two spreading the good word about me to a few of your fellow crew mates.” Robin crossed his arms, sounding and appearing as if he was indifferent. The cocky wink he gave to the smiling pair however was a different story.
“Thank you very much, Mister Robin sir.” The blue one cutely said, earning a nod from the man.
“Yeah! The other girls are totally gonna flip their flanks when they hear it!” Chimed in red, earning a smirk from the man as well.
“I hope so.”
“When the others hear what, exactly?” A third voice suddenly piped up, causing the guards to freeze. Robin recognized it instantly.
“Oh you know Miss Blossom, just a little story about how I came to be is all.” Robin said, watching with a smirk as the mare in question walked into view.
She gave him a raised brow.
“Oh? And here I thought you were spat into this world after your ascent from the deepest pits of Tartarus.” Oooo, that certainly stung.
“Apologies Miss Blossom, you must’ve mistaken me for my uncle’s third wife.” Cue the smirk. “I’d see about getting those beautiful eyes of yours a checkup if I’m being honest.” And cue the instant blushing.
“Y-You-!”
“Orrrrr,” Robin said, sliding up against the bars as he gave the flustering unicorn the brows. “I could give that mane of yours a little bit of love?”
“M-My mane is perfectly fi-!“
“Along with everything else attached to it?”
“E-Enough!” The unicorn yelled, her body shaking and cheeks practically ablaze. “Th-That’s enough out of you!” She growled, staring up at the man as he simply flashed his pearlies right back at her. “You will cease your doggish behavior and prepare for judgement!”
Hearing that though, the man’s smile suddenly vanished, replaced by a blink and brow raise. Spike was also roused to instant worry.
“Judgement?” Robin repeated, to which the unicorn, after recollecting most of her nerves, smirked.
“Yes. Judgement.” She nodded, the smirk doubling. “The captain has ordered your trial to take place above deck and most of the crew will also be in attendance.” Her eyes narrowed. “In a few moments, you will be brought before everypony, relinquish all that you know to the captain, and will accept whatever a fate she and the crew deems fit to give you.” She suddenly glanced at Spike, slightly and silently shaking behind Robin’s leg. She glanced back up at the man. “You AND your partner.”
“And will this trial be fair?” Robin asked, earning a chuckle from the mare.
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we?” She cheekily pondered. The man, silent for several moments, chuckled himself.
“Heh. Yeah, I guess we will, won’t we?”
Narrowing her eyes at his response, Blossom Blade briefly wondered just what the stallion before her was getting at before she shook her head and, suddenly turning to the two flinching guards, she rose a hoof.
“Bind these two, then escort them above deck.” She ordered, watching the two quickly snap salutes before she gave one final glance at the imprisoned pair, turned, and made her leave.
Several moments after she was out of sight, least to the guards, they again both sighed in unison before turning to the two in the cell, frowning.
“Well…” the red one said, slowly withdrawing a key from her side with a wing before she opened the cell door and stepped inside, her friend following her lead. “You heard her, Robin.”
“Yup.” Robin simply replied, stepping away from the two and saddling up beside his buddy who glanced between the two with insistent worry.
“D-Don’t worry Robin, Spike.” The blue one added, sounding hopeful as she magicked forth one line of rope for the petrified little purple drake and one whole bundle of rope for the slightly amused man beside him. “I-I’m sure the captain will understand.” She stepped forward, giving Robin a look that seemed to ask two separate questions.
“Will she?” Robin chuckled, scratching at his neck as he turned about before swinging his arms behind his back, hands together, fists clenched, wrists bent. A quick glance made Spike quietly follow suit. “Is your captain really as great as Miss Blossom makes her out to be?”
“You kidding?” The red one smirked as her friend got to binding the pair, whispering apologies all the while as she tightened the ropes. “The captain’s totally cool. Just tell her the truth, be cool, and I’m sure everything will be fine.”
“Really?” Robin mused, him and Spike turning back around to face the two mares.” Just…tell the truth.”
“Uh-huh.” The pegasus nodded, the acknowledging action happily copied shorty thereafter by the unicorn beside her.
“She’ll forgive us for tricking her crew, forget we stowed away on her ship, and completely disregard the possible and very definite possibility that we could’ve taken care of her, Miss Blossom, and probably everyone else on board (probably while they slept too), hijacked the ship, then used said ship for our own nefarious, pirate-related plans? She’ll do all of that…as long as we’re nice and tell the truth?”
“…Maybe?”
You know, something was definitely telling Robin that a ‘maybe’ wasn’t exactly as reassuring an answer as was ‘definitely,’ or ‘absolutely,’ or even just a straight up ‘yup’ in this case. Then again, it also wasn’t as equally reassuring when the one trying to assure you of something either wasn’t entirely sure of that something themselves or were so well passed the point of no return that they were beginning to look as if they were in need of some reassurance. Also the darting eyes and immediate return to bullet sweating weren’t helping the mare in her case one bit.
“Sigh. Well I guess we only got luck going for us now, huh Spike?” The man finally said as he glanced down at his scaly bro, offering a small smirk where the dragon could only offer a grimace in return.
“Will we be that lucky though, Robin?”
The man, silent a moment as he thought, chuckled as he shrugged.
“Hey. I’d like to consider myself a lucky guy, I’ll have you know.” He smirked, raising a brow. “I met you, didn’t I? Probably would’ve gone bat shit crazy if you weren’t there for me.” Okay, that definitely got a smile out of the little drake.
“Heh. Yeah, and if I hadn’t ever met you, I’d still be stuck doing chores back at the castle. Probably for the rest of my life!”
Hearing that, the man chuckled, feeling all warm and fuzzy inside from the absolute broness that was obviously at play here. Dammit all if the magic here wasn’t slowly making Robin less and less manly by the day. He was definitely gonna have to punch a shark later to make up for the difference.
“Ahhh. Now ain’t that just the sweetest thing.”
Turning their heads, Robin and Spike found the two mares smiling back at them. Well the blue one was smiling, the red one was smirking.
“Guess it don’t matter if you’re a hooman or a dragon, stallions will be stallions.” The pegasus cheekily remarked, before she and her friend stepped out of the cell to grab their weapons. “Now come on you lovers, time’s ah wasting and we shouldn’t keep everypony waiting, least of all Blossom and the captain.”
Rolling his eyes but still chuckling at the joke, Robin kindly obeyed and exited the cell, paused for Spike to get beside him, then proceeded at the red one’s directions. Though it wasn’t long, a couple feet really, before Robin suddenly stopped, the guards and Spike quirking brows.
“Robin?” Spike went, glancing over his shoulder at the confused guards before glancing back up at his friend.” Something wrong? Why’d you stop?”
“You know…” Robin suddenly said, before turning to stare at his armed and armored escorts. “Now that I think about it…I never did actually get either of your names, did I?”
Blinking, the two guards stared at the human before looking at each other, realizing the same, then looking back up at the inquiring man.
“Huh. That’s right. We never did tell you our names, did we?” The red one posed, her friend nodding in agreement. “Then again, you never asked.”
Robin blinked, then smirked.
“Well then. My sincerest apologies. Why don’t we start over with introductions?”
“Right before you’re about to be judged?”
“Heh. You don’t get attached to something if you don’t give it a name first, right?”
“Hmm…that is true. In that case,” the red one said before she took a seat and puffed her fluff. “The name’s Cherry Pop, nice to meet yah.”
“A-And my name is Modrá Brushstroke. It was a pleasure meeting you.” Aww, and she even did a little curtsy after, too.
“Heh, well it’s a pleasure to finally meet the both of you.” Robin said, nodding to both respectively.” My name, if you haven’t already guessed it by now, is Robin Crow. Human, omnivore, master of mares, false shepherd of stallions, and of course, future pirate captain.” He then gestured with his bound hands to the drake beside him. “And this here ladies, is my beast of a bro, Spike. Dragonborn, gemivore, lovable lad by day, loving-making madlad by night, and an aspiring pirate to be as well.”
“Dude. Seriously?” The dragon in introduction chuckled, getting a little hot under the scales as the two mares glanced at him, intrigue and…something else flashing briefly across their smiling features.
“What? My little summary didn’t do you enough justice, bro?”
“That’s…certainly one way of putting it.” The dragon retorted, shaking his head as he proceeded passed the human and towards the wooden stairs that led to the next deck above.
Watching him go, the man hummed before glancing at the two mares still standing behind him. Cherry Pop met his gaze.
“All that true?” She asked, tilting her head skeptically. “About the both of you?”
Glancing down at her, then at Modrá who also showed curiosity, Robin was silent a moment before he simply smiled and shrugged.
“Heh. Who knows?” He casually, cryptically inquired before turning back around and heading off towards the stairs and the dragon who stood patiently waiting at its base.
Watching him go, the two mares glanced at each other, a moment being spared between the two before they both shared a giggle.
“Well…I guess we’ll just have to find out for ourselves, huh?” Cherry Pop surmised, grinning. Her friend, smiling warmly herself, simply nodded.
To say that the ship's crew were interested in the trial of their two stallion stowaways would've been one hell of a understatement. In fact, as soon as Blossom had passed the word to a hoofful of guards and sailors, nearly everypony on board had heard the news and were already present and accounted for there out on the weather deck. And with the majority of the ship hogging up all the floorboard space that they could, the rest had to make do with leaning against the railings, hang from the riggings, or kick their little hooves while perched atop the masts, all waiting and all speculating.
"So...you think either of them are good looking?" "I wonder if they're seeing anypony right now?" "I hope they aren't." "I hope one of them's a janefilly. Celestia PLEASE let one of them be a janefilly." "Mare, they gotta have one serious brass pair downstairs to be stowing away like they did." "I bet it was because they were trying to escape their abusive herds, oh the poor dears." "Or maybe they was cheating like a coupla' sluts and wanted to skedaddle the scene before their mares found out." "Honestly? I don't care what they did, why they did it, or what they even look like. I just want all of this to be done and over with so that I can get me a piece of that good, hard, stallion d-" "Everypony shut it, they're coming!"
Rousing from their conjoined conversing, the crowd of curious crewmares all went silent in an instant at the sound of approaching hooves from down below. And with all eyes set on the stairs that led up from the deck below, it would've be a hell of an understatement to say that their collective anticipation didn't go up in a resounding sigh of letdown as a pegasus, Cherry Pop if most of the mares could care to remember, suddenly popped her head out to meet the dozens of disappointed looks pointing right back at her.
"Heheh. Sorry girls." She chuckled, ears splayed back as she hopped onto the deck with a small flap of her wings. "Were you all expecting somepony else?"
"What's it look like, smartflank?" A mare in the multi-colored crowd yelled, followed by the displeasured agreement of the others. The mare, sighing herself, waved a hoof. "Alright, alright. Calm your teats the lot of you, there coming up now, okay?" At that, the crowd did shut their yaps again and the mare, after a moment of the silence, nodded before she glanced behind herself down to the deck below. "Come on up, colt."
After the utterance of her command, ears flicked and swiveled forward as the sounds of tapping wood brought all attention to the large open hatch just over yonder before, after a few more taps against the wooden steps, a collective gasp was let free at the sight of a little purply scaled, green finned head hesitantly popping up from beneath the boards. And after a bit of coaxing from the pegasus guard, the rest of the little shaking drake was brought up from below and put on full display for all to ogle at. And a lot of ogling he got. Along with the hushed comments that he should've known would obviously follow.
"That's one of the them?" "He...ain't really much to look at." "Huh. Was expecting a pony. What is he even, some kinda lizard or somethin'?" "Eh. I've seen weirder." "Heh. Hey, he's actually kinda cute...in a kicked puppy kinda way."
Gulping, the little drake stood, blushing and fiddling nervously with his bindings before the cherry red mare beside him nudged him with a wing. And after glancing up at her encouraging smile, he gulped again before sighing and looking up to all the pairs of eyes staring back at him.
"Umm...h-hi everypony." Spike said, attempting a wave before he realized that he still in fact had his claws bound behind him and instead offered a sheepish smile. "M-My name's Spike. A-And I'm a dragon?"
Though that sounded almost like a question near the end, Spike's little introduction did still earn him a number of interested whispers among the mares, along with a number of interested looks from those in front of, behind, and above him with even some showing more 'interest' than others.
"Heh. See, Spike?" Cherry chuckled, nudging the blushing drake once more. "Nothing to be scared about. These mares don't bite...at least most of them anyways."
"Ye-Yeah, I guess." Spike nodded, feeling a bit more at ease. "Wait. What did you say after-"
"What about the other one? Where's he at?" A mare suddenly piped up, rousing the two's attention.
"Yeah!" Another one audibly added. "Bring out the other one, already!"
"Is the other one a dragon?" Asked another over the others, genuinely curious. "Is he even a pony at least?"
"Better question. What's he packin'?" Asked yet another, causing the other mares around her to regard her for a second before quickly turning back to the pair, just as obviously curious.
Blinking, the pegasus shook her head at the mare's antics and was just about to give her a piece of something alright when there suddenly came a deep, hearty chuckle from the hatch behind her.
"Really?" Came a stallion's deep, smirking voice. "That was her question?"
Turning her head, as did all the others in attendance, all eyes fell on the hatch once more as another chuckle ascended from the steps below, followed up shortly thereafter with a quip about universal horniness or something before being followed shortly-er up with the creaking approach of the crew's other surprise guest.
And what a surprise he was, if the collective gasp of the crew was anything to go off of. Hell, judging by some the looks the mares gave Robin when they got their first look of him, standing there as he did, bound, with all his humanliness put on full display? Well...let's just say that some mares were as more surprised than others as some mares were less conscious than others. Nice.
"That's...him?" "He's...He's so..." "Hummina, hummina." "Uh-huh." "What even IS he?' "Ah slut. Callin' it right now." "I wonder what he eats? Gasp, Oh no, I hope he doesn't eat ponies!" "I sure do."
Looking up and around at all the assembled little pones, conversing and horndogging it up, there wasn't a second that Robin wasn't smirking like the apparent chad that he was. And then he spoke up.
"Ladies, ladies, please." He piped up, silencing their cute little snoots with a glint in his eyes and a passing, devilish smirk. "Save your questions till after the show, will ya?"
Still glancing about, the man's eyes happened to land on a seemingly random mare in the crowd. The mare seemed to blink, realizing he was staring at her. He raised a brow, still smirking. Looking to the mares at either side of her then back to him, she hesitantly raised a hoof and pointed it at herself, raising a inquisitive brow as if to confirm that he was in fact looking at her. He quietly nodded before proceeding to flash her a toothy smile, his pearly whites and canines on full display. There was a gasp...then a thump. She'd...yeah the mare had promptly fell onto the deck after that, a couple giggles escaping her downed form as she laid there smiling goofily. Huh, guess that answers that question then. But enough with the fanservice. We've got a trial to conduct after all.
"So...I've peeked their interest." Robin mused, finally deciding to move forward with all this and saddle up beside Spike, the little dragon staring up at him in utter awe at how based he was taking this trial so far. "And I've definitely got their attention." He chuckled. "Now, I just gotta win their favor and we'll be golden."
Favor?
"Favor?" the diminutive drake beside him repeated, confused. The man nodded.
"That's right Spike, favor." Robin replied, before he tried to raise his hands, remembered they were still bound, and just winked down at him instead. "Step one, remember?" Now at that, the dragon's head tilted slightly, his brow raised. Staring up at the man in confusion, it only took another smirk and a raise of his brows to get the wheels upstairs turning and the little dragon's eyes finally bore recognition a few seconds later.
"Ooh, right...step one." He said, earning a smile from the human before he glanced back down at himself and then back up at his still smiling pirate pal. "Wait...how's this," He nodded to his bound wrists. "still a part of the plan? Or even step one?"
Yeah, Robin knew Spike was going to ask that. He thought it was obvious, but apparently it wasn't to his little friend. Heh, a lot of good being the number one assistant for a certain book horse did him. But all's good though, because Robin was going to verbally rectify this issue posthaste. Too bad a certain somepony else had other plans though.
"I am also curious." A cold, familiar voice suddenly piped up, causing both the boys, their new guard friends, as well as the rest of the crew to all freeze up.
Enter the executioner.
Slowly looking over, the pair was met with the sight of none other than the ever-imposing Miss Blossom Blade herself, her wooden swords clacking quietly at her sides as she stepped forward. Once she'd stopped, she casted a suspicious, scrutinizing glance from the shivering drake up to the not so shook human, her brow raising only slightly.
"Well? Just what is this plan of yours, colt?"
The man for his part, simply smirked.
"Oh? Interested in me now are you, Miss Blade?"
Did he...a-and to her? Woah. Cue the gasps.
Blossom Blade merely huffed.
"Like I'll ever be."
And she just took it and kept on going? Huh, now that definitely got some heads rolling.
"Heh. Now you say that, but..."
The man's words trailed off as the mare narrowed her eyes, her horn suddenly beginning to glow a soft crimson. The same crimson glow which, coincidentally, now enveloped each of her four swords as they began to slowly float out from besides her tighty whitey flanks. Funny...you'd think this kind of reaction would shut the man up right quick.
Sadly, you don't know jack, or Robin in this case. He just smiled like a complete dumbass.
"Easy there, lass." The man quipped, giving the unicorn pause. "Wouldn't want to upset your captain by starting the fun without her, now would we?"
Okay now after hearing that, the mare actually flinched, if only barely. But seemingly just enough of a barely that it caused the human to smirk.
D-...Did he know?
Had he known that the captain was but one of the few, yet greatest of few weaknesses that the swordsmare possessed and was now exploiting it in order to save his own accursed hide?
...No, impossible. No other living creature, much less a colt knew this to be true. She'd made sure of it.
But then...that smile, those eyes...could he? Did he?
"Miss Blade?" The human called, to which seemed to finally snap the mare out her mental conflictions. Shaking her head slightly, she glanced back up at him and found his eyes curious while his brow was half raised, awaiting her answer. And, after having weighed her options, she finally answered him back, hesitant as she very begrudgingly cut the flow of magic to her horn, the glow from it and the swords now back at her sides fading away seconds later.
"P-Perhaps." She said, earning a resounding silence from the crew who'd just bore witness to the last mare they'd all thought would ever listen to anything a stallion had to say, much less actually agree with them for Celestia's sake. Yet here they were, baring witness to history in the making.
"Sorry I'm late everypony! Was just tidying up."
Or at least they were until the mare of the hour had finally decided that now was the best moment to make her delayed debut.
Stepping out of her personal quarters and into the light of Celestia's sun not a second after Blossom Blade had sheathed her wooden weapons, Stood none other than the captain of the very ship that Spike and Robin found themselves currently bound aboard.
"So...these are the two colts who decided it would be a good idea to hitch a ride on MY ship, aye?"
Spike had expected the captain to look like some sorta sea-salty seasoned unit of a sailing mare who ate nails for breakfast and wrestled hydras for fun.
Robin had expected the captain to be some stuck up mama's girl of a noble who'd either bought her way into the service or had it hoofed to her on a silver platter as if it were gifted by divine right.
"Gotta hoof it to you two, though. Never, in all my years of sailing, did I ever think I'd see the day that I'd have to deal with a pair of stallion stowaways...least of all with them being a lizard and...well...whatever it is you are."
But no, the mare who stood before Spike and Robin's wide eyes, clad in her nicest wind-catching dress whites and sporting a somewhat cocky smile below a just as finely cocked hat, seemed anything but salty or stuck up. Sassy sure, but not salty nor stuck up if Robin were to think it.
"And here I thought I'd seen everything this world's got to offer me...and yet here you two are. Hmm, color me surprised."
Yup, neither of the two had bothered to consider that the captain would just be a normal little down-to-earth pone, and a fucking Latina no less!
"But anyways, it's so nice to finally meet the both of you. My name is Capitana Milla Nautica. And you two are..?"
…
“...Huh.”
Blinking, Robin, the captain, hell even Blossom and just about everypony else suddenly glanced down at the little drake, his utterance of that single word, really more so a breath, catching them all somewhat off guard.
“Huh?” The captain playfully repeated, raising a brow just as slightly as Blossom narrowed hers. “That’s your name?”
Blinking at the realization of his own folly, the little drake was quick to sputter out a response.
“N-No wait sorry! I-I mean that my name is uh, no wait! I-uh, well-I uhm, see what I meant wa-was…”
And he continued like that for a solid minute, the stuttering as embarrassing to the dragon as it was adorable to the crew, the captain seeming to be enjoying it the most as the speed and level of incoherentness continued to gradually increase with each second the reddening dragon remained under the playful gaze of the captain.
Okay, I’ve heard enough.
Shaking his head with a sigh, Robin took a knee, the sudden movement redirecting all attention to him as he then simply bumped his arm against his bro’s shaking little side.
Jumping from the sudden contact, Spike quickly turned to Robin who, with the most reassuring smirk he could muster, raised a brow.
“Need a little help, bro?”
Staring wide-eyed at the human, there was a moments pause before the little dragon vigorously nodded his head. He’d almost seemed ready to weep with joy as Robin simply chuckled before nodding once, raising himself back up to his full height.
Feeling the eyes follow his ascent, the human gave the grateful drake a wink before glancing back at the captain, who seemed to size him up as he did her. He also briefly noticed Blossom giving him a more scrutinizing eye as she stood a little closer to the captain's side. Well, here goes nothing.
“Sorry about my friend here,” Robin began, glancing down at the drake who had suddenly become very interested with the deck. “He…tends to get a little tongue-tied when he’s around cute little ponies…such as yourselves.”
The crew gasped, the captain raised a brow, Spike looked ready to faint, and Blossom looked ready to strangle him. The cheeky human quickly continued.
“But in all honesty.” Robin quickly continued, his playful eyes lingering on one mare’s blazing scrunch. “What my friend was probably trying to convey was only our shared surprise upon meeting you Miss Nautica.”
“Oh?” The mare in question asked curiously, glancing to her second in command who was quick to cool to only a simmering blush at her captain’s smirking gaze. “Do tell.”
“Well…let’s just say that both I and my little bro here had simply pictured you...differently before this meeting.”
“Is that so?” The captain replied, the human simply nodding. “Well then…care to quell my curiosity?” She smiled, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Just WHO did you picture the captain of such a vessel and crew would look like?”
Blinking down at the little mocha mare, Robin suddenly felt…hesitant to reply. As if nothing good would come if he did in fact answer the mare truthfully. Giving his bro a quick glance, his hesitation seeming justified and even shared as the little drake was trying his best to nonchalantly shake his head off his shoulders. Well, she did ask nicely.
“Honestly, Miss Nautica?” The man started, his questioner nodding with a smile. “I had personally thought you to be some pompous, silver spoon-fed arista-cunt who only got to where she was either from bits or blowies.”
…
…Okay. It was official. Blossom Blade was going to kill him. Because that look she was giving him, pretty sure it could turn sand to glass.
The crew was of course speechless, save for those few who audibly gulped.
The little drake beside Robin was also left stupefied. In fact, had the human decided then to take his eyes off of the captain in favor of casting him a glance, he would've most likely have mistaken him for Blossom, what with how utterly ghostly pale he appeared.
"...I...see." The captain finally replied. Granted it was slow, quiet, and through gritted teeth, but that was only because she decided to hold her tongue, favoring in that moment, to instead uphold her image of model femininity and professionalism, rather than make the two colts cry. Or piss themselves. Actually the smaller of the two seemed ready to do both. Gotta think of something quick.
"And you?" She asked, glancing at the little dragon who all but nearly jumped out of his scales as soon as her eyes met his. "Just what did yo-"
Blinking, the captain stood silent, her temper momentarily cooled as her head took a second to decipher just what it was the little dragon had verbally regurgitated before it disappeared altogether a second after that. Even the mare beside her seemed to ease up, if only slightly.
"R-Really?" Nautica asked, to which the little scaly colt nodded his head as if his life depended on it. It probably did, but lets not get ahead of ourselves just yet. "Oh. Well...thank you. I will accept that as a compliment."
Now of course that made Spike blink, even brave enough to ask why but was cut off by the mare silently raising a hoof. She then glanced over to his taller companion, raised hoof trailing until it pointed at him.
"Your comment however..."
The man shrugged his arms in a sort of defusing manner.
"Hey you asked me to be honest, mam."
And it...sorta worked, kinda. The captain was now cutely scrunching her snoot while Blossom was still looking super pissed, albeit a little less than before.
"Be that as it may, amigo." Nautica continued, stepping up to the biped while her first mate stood tense and ready. Coming to a stop just a hoof away from him, she craned her neck up meet his curious eye. "Colts your age should really know by now what to say and what not to say to a mare." She then sat down, lightly bopping him one on his leg, her eyes never straying from his even as the hint of a playful smile twitched at her lip. "Especially if they're the one holding all the cards."
"...Is that so?"
"Uh-hmm."
"Hmm."
"Hmm?"
"I suppose...that you're right Miss Nautica."
"I am, am I?"
"Yup. You are. But..."
"But..?"
"Suppose...that you aren't."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. Suppose you don't have all the cards. Suppose...that everyone here, even my boy, have a card of their own."
"Everyone?"
"Even me."
"Heh. You? You have a card?"
"Perhaps."
"Huh. And am I to suppose that yours is special then?"
"Heh. Guess we'll find out when we find out, eh?"
"Hmm...heh, sí. I guess we will."
"...Uhh. Dude?"
Blinking, both Robin and Captain Nautica slowly turned to see Spike and Blossom both staring at the two, their near identical looks of confusion justified after the two had simultaneously realized that while they had been having their little conversation, Robin had decided to squat down to the mare's level. Though, whether it was to put them on equal terms or an attempt to intimidate her was anyone's guess. But once he'd popped his squat, the two of them had then begun to slowly inch towards one another, to the point that had Spike not said anything, the two would've probably booped noses. Of course Blossom would've said and or done something by then or before, but was surprisingly...distracted by the display.
Her captain's subtle remarks. His calm yet bold rebukes. The growing closeness of the two, the dwindling distance between their lips silently teasing the mind while simultaneously tempting the body to action, movements and breathes deaf to the world only to be brought centerstage by speed and temperature, the two feverishly rising until the very heavens part themselves to reveal the big, hot, sweaty, clima-
"Uhm, M-Miss Blade?"
Suddenly feeling something nudge her in the side, it took nearly all of Blossom's training and just about everything else she had not to scream like a little colt. Sadly, that also meant that she had nothing left to stop her from catching air, jumping first from fright then quickly into action, drawing all four of her swords in the process before just as quickly freezing when she realized that the one who'd managed to surprise her was actually Spike.
Blinking at his now heavily quivering form, then quickly glancing around at all the others, the unicorn allowed herself a tiny sigh of relief before she magic'd her swords back into their respective sheaths in a single, fluid motion. She then straightened herself out, offered the frightened drake an apology so quiet he swore she'd only mouthed the word, then very audibly coughed into her hoof, putting all eyes on her.
“Captain Nautica. Fellow crewmares of the TSS Wet Dream.”
“That can NOT be the fucking name of th-“
“We are all gathered here today…to bare witness and judgement unto the two stowaways before us.”
A brief murmur went through the crowd of assembled ponies before a white hoof rose, silencing them instantly.
“These two colts,” Blossom continued, gesturing to the human and dragon with a wave. “Bound before you on this day, have been charged with committing several hanous crimes against this fine ship’s fair crew.” She then glanced at Robin, prompting him to narrow his brows when her stoic features suddenly broke to reveal the sliest of smirks.
‘What’re you planning, pone?’
“These colts,” Blossom continued, slowly pacing before the two captives. “Thought that they were safe from punishment, simply because they’re colts.” She glanced at them both, shaking her head. “For shame.”
A chorus of boo’s filled the air, prompting the captain to give the two a curious raise of the brow while Spike meakly flinched at the verbal disapproval. Robin merely huffed.
Her pacing quickened.
“They thought that they could fool us.”
The crowd voiced its disapproval with vigor.
“They thought that they could make a mockery of not only this ship but of her captain and her loyal crew as well!”
Some mares in the crowd shouted demands for justice, some for punishments, and some just threw insults at them.
“They thought that just because we’re mares, we wouldn’t DARE hurt a single strand of hair on their precious little heads!”
By the time the mare paused in her pacing, most of the mares in the crowd were practically foaming at the mouth. Glancing at the pair, one quiet while the other terrified, she smirked once more before turning back to the crowd.
“Well…they thought wrong.”
An utter cacophony of stomping hooves and boisterous cheers erupted from the mass of mares, baiting out a dubious grin from the horned samareai. It seemed that victory was hers.
“Heh. Sure I did.”
Or was it?
Blinking, the mare’s ears flickered before she slowly turned to face the one who’d spoken up. Her eyes narrowed when they landed on the bound man before her.
“What did you just say?”
“Who, me?” Robin asked innocently despite his shit-eating grin. A playful brow then rose as the unicorn slowly approached him. “What DID I say, I wonder?”
Her silent glare in retort only made the man snort before he shook his head.
“Jeez Miss Blossom, cut me some slack, I didn’t actually say much. Honest.” He then glanced down at the drake beside him. “Right, bro?” Who didn’t hesitate to nod post haste at the mare who, after glancing between the two, uttered a single ‘hmphed’ and turned to walk away.
“Just that you’re full of shit.”
But not before she heard that little comment and wheeled on the pair, her eyes ablaze with fury as she leveled on the man who couldn’t help but chuckle despite the circumstances. And he wasn’t the only one.
To everyone’s surprise, yes including Blossom’s and Robin’s, it was in fact the captain herself who was holding a hoof to her muzzle, trying and failing to stifle that chortle of hers before approaching the trio with a shaking head.
“By Celestia colt, you sure do know how to pull a mare’s levers, huh?” Stopping beside the flustered unicorn, the captain gave her a sly smirk before throwing a leg over her wither. “Or at the very least, this one’s.” The unicorn only huffed once more before failing to stifle a surprised whinny after her captain playfully rubbed cheeks with her. I’ll let you guess which ones.
The human meanwhile only smirked before shrugging.
“Not my fault.” He nodded at the horned one blushing bright red. “She makes it easy.” Who only blushed that much brighter.
“She sure does.” Miss Nautica agreed, nodding herself before laughing aloud at her right hoof mare’s fiercely blushing and scrunching snoot. “Heheh, hah, but that does beg the question.” She continued, leaving the mare’s side and approaching the curious man. “What did my niña get wrong about you?”
---
“Twilight? You good?”
“Yes, Rainbow. I’m good. I’m fine. Just…peachy.”
“…Right…nothing wrong at all?”
“Nnnnope.”
“…Twi?”
“Sigh. Yes, Applejack?”
“You ain’t fine…are ya?”
“No, Applejack. I very much am.”
“No, you ain’t.”
“Yes, I am!”
“No…you ain’t.”
“Yes, Applejack, I AM…not…NOT FINE!”
Thump
“Uhm…Twilight, darling?”
“Mph?”
“Maybe yo-, we should…take a break. Recollect ourselves, perhaps?”
“Ugh! No, Rarity, we can’t. We can’t waste time with a break when those two are still out there! ”
“But, darling-“
“Rarity!” Twilight all but yelled, raising her head from the table in a flash and glaring furiously at the poor mare who could give a certain butter yellow Pegasus present a run for her bits with how bad she was shaking in her chair.
The room was deathly silent after that.
…At least, for a few seconds that is.
“Yeesh, egghead. Cut Ribbons there some slack, she was only tryna keep you from running yourself into the ground.”
The Princess of Friendship promptly cringed after hearing that, glancing first at the prismatic flyer then slowly back to the quivering marshmarellow. She hung her head shortly thereafter.
“NO!” The little alicorn suddenly snapped, her untentinal use of the royal Canterlot voice sending her five friends ducking for cover while the crystal around them shuttered from the unneeded shock test.
Once the castle had stilled, there was again another brief moment of malingering silence before the others slowly rose from their shared cover. And as they collectively peeked out from under their friendship tabletop holomap thing, they were all befell with the sad sight of their friend crying into her hooves atop said table. Poor lass.
Seeing her like this, the five friends shared a worried look amongst themselves before returning to their sniffling sister-in-arms.
Nopony was sure if they should say something, much less be the first to say anything. But sompony had to break the ice at some point.
And luckily, eventually, somepony did. But just about the last mare any of them thought ever would.
“Hey girls, I’m back from my trip!” Starlight Glimmer joyfully proclaimed as she opened the large doors and casually strode in, stopping just a few steps in after seeing all eyes, and one flicking purple ear, swivel over at her. “Uh…What’d I miss?”
---
“Heheh. ‘What was she wrong about?’ What WASN’T she wrong about me?” Robin said, chuckling to himself and prompting the unicorn to advance on him before she was halted by her captain’s outstretched hoof. This prompted the man to continue.
“Okay, first of all. Do I even LOOK like one of your run-of-the-mill, prissy, pussy-ass colts? I’m human for fuck’s sake! And a hu-MAN to boot. And come on! You think that after attempting to stow away on this ship, come to terms with committing what I’m now at least forty-five percent positive is child endangerment at this point with Spike here, and willingly admitting all that, after the fact, that I wouldn’t be expecting something FAR worse than a just slap on the wrists?”
“What are wri-“
“Well I’ll tell you what, lass. I WAS expecting a fair and just punishment. In-fucking-fact? Now that I think about it, I’m starting to think you’re all just full of shit.”
There was an utter cacophony of gasps.
“H-How dare you!” Blossom bleated, marching right up to the unamused man. “What gives you the right to say something like th-!”
“Have you ever killed someone?”
And just like that, the anger was gone. And in its stead, surprise and…fear?
“Wha-…what?” Blossom barely said, stepping back as her ears splayed and eyes widened. So much for that iron will of hers.
“Have you ever ‘nearly’ beaten someone to death?”
“I-I..”
“Have you ever even raised a hoof at someone?
“W-Well…”
“Besides me?”
“I…well, no, bu-“
“At a stallion?”
“I-I would never!”
“Right. Right. And that’s fair because..?”
The mare, about to say something, suddenly paused. Then went surprisingly still. She didn’t say another word after that. And she didn’t need to…her silence was enough.
Robin smirked. Not just because he was right, oh no he knew that. He smirked because he knew that she knew it, too.
“Besides.” He added, glancing over at the crowd. “Do you really think any mare here worth her salt would’ve wanted to see either me or my bro here put through any kind of actual pain?“
Now at that, Blossom did try to say something, but paused, before taking another step back at the rather startling realization. Would they? Would she? She was stumped. As was the captain too, whose withers wilted at the idea, much less the actual practice now that it came into question. She even glanced at the others who…definitely weren’t fairing any better.
Of course they weren’t outright agreeing with him. But then again…they weren’t necessarily disagreeing with him either.
Huh. Well shit, looks like the jigs up then.
“You’re wrong.” Suddenly came the slightly wavering voice of Captain Nautica. “You’re just saying all that to save your flank!”
“Am I?” He’d asked, turning to her and raising a brow.
“Sí! You are!”
“Then you prove it.”
“P-Prove it?”
“Yup. Prove that I wasn’t just talking out of my ass.”
“Prove that what I’d just said wasn’t the truth.”
“Prove. Me. Wrong.”
The mare stiffened, as did her second in command, as did the rest of the assembled crew.
They all gulped.
O-Of course she was going to prove the colt wrong. She just…didn’t want to see him cry his eyes out in front of everyone when she did, that’s all. Yeah, that was it.
…
…
…
“Very well.” She finally said after what felt like several straight minutes worth of uneasy and uncomfortable silence, nerves steeled and eyes narrowed. “You wanted to be punished so badly? Say no more.” She then turned to Blossom, her features hardening. “Miss Blossom?”
The mare stiffened.
“C-Captain?”
“The cage?”
The air was once more rocked with gasps. Gasps which were then followed shortly thereafter by…giggling?
The unicorn blinked, then slowly smirked.
“You’re sure, Captain?”
“Would that not suffice for proof enough, Miss Blade?”
“No, Captain.” She rebuked, turning to face the man and drake. “I do believe that would most certainly suffice.”
“Then, Miss Blossom.” Miss Nautica proclaimed, waving grandly at the pair of prisoners. “If you would please?”
Nodding, the unicorn made her way over to the two, her smile unfaltering as she finally stopped just inches before the man who raised a curious brow at her antics while his friend just sat there beside them, sweating bullets as he kept quickly glancing between the two.
“You’ll be begging for mercy by the end of the first minute.”
The man however, being the smug shithead that he was, simply smirked.
“Prove it.”
---
“…And that about covers everything up to this point.”
“Hmm, well that’s just awful. Sorry Twilight.”
“No, Starlight, there’s no need to be sorry. it’s not your fault, afterall.”
“And it’s certainly not yours either, darling.”
“Right, thanks Rarity.”
Another dejected sigh escaped the purple alicorn as she rested her chin onto the friendship map, here friends sharing wary looks amongst each other.
After having just brought Starlight up to speed on the matter at hoof, the room was silent once more as the seven mares present were left to their own thoughts. Some were good. Others were hopeful. And one in particular was sadly anything but either.
“Soooo…” Starlight began, rousing the others’ attention. “Do we have any leads? Maybe a place that Robin might’ve gone with Spike in order to persue this little fantasy of his?”
“Well…” Applejack answered, glancing down at the friendship map. “I’d of reckoned he might’ve gone to some of the stores in Ponyville first for supplies and such before he left. But none of the shopowners we had gone to said they’d sold anythin’ to him the day before.”
“And nopony I talked to said they saw him leave town that morning.” butted in Rainbow Dash, to the slight irritation of the farmmare. “So he must’ve left when everypony was sleeping.”
Starlight hummed at that, rubbing her chin thinkingly before glancing up at Rarity.
“And you, Rarity?”
“Regretfully, nothing either.”
“Fluttershy?”
“Oh! W-Well I did ask many of my animal friends but they were all sleeping as well.”
“Even the nocturnal ones?”
Flinching, she meekly, reluctantly nodded.
“Darn. Well, umm…Pinkie?”
“Nopey-wopy.” Ponyville’s premier party planning pony sadly sighed, much to the unicorn’s growing concern. All that left now was…
“T-Twilight?”
At the utterance of her name, the alicorn in question didn’t look up, nor did she flinch or move much thereafter when her name was repeated once more, leaving the unicorn across the table from her to frown before looking down at the note that Robin had left behind. Lifting it up with her magic, the unicorn brought it close, scrutinizing it for several moments.
“You know…” She began, to the immediate interest of five pairs of eyes and one pair of swiveling ears. “From what I’ve read about pirates, it is a very dangerous line of work.”
“Oh but of course, dear.”
“Kinda the whole reason why Twilight and the others wanna find these two a-s-a-bucking-p.”
“Why do you reckon, Star?”
“Well it’s just, if what you’ve told me about Robin is true…then he probably isn’t the most patient of stallions, right?”
While Twilight had flinched at that, the others nodded.
“And since it sounds like he was in such a hurry to leave, especially since he had Spike with him, he probably wanted them on the fastest ride out of town.”
“B-But we already went to the train station and they said they didn’t see him.” Fluttershy interjected before quickly realizing this and dipping half below the top of the table. “S-Sorry!”
“It’s okay, Fluttershy. And yes, the train station was already covered.” Starlight reassured the shaking mare. “But that’s not what I’m getting at.”
When she was met with raised brows and tilted heads, she continued.
“Think about it, girls. Besides the train, what else would’ve gotten Robin and Spike not only out of town quick but to wherever they needed to go?”
“Well if it weren’t a train, I’d reckon the next best thing would’ve been a wagon.” Applejack said before she and the others suddenly gasped in realization. “That’s it!”
“Well not quite yet, Applejack.”
Blinking, the girls stared at Starlight, befuddled.
“Huh? Why not?” Rainbow asked, to which Starlight happily answered.
“While we have the means, we don’t have the motive.”
“Motive?”
“What she’s getting at, Rainbow.” Twilight added, much to everypony’s relief. “Is that while we know how Robin and Spike got out of Ponyville, we don’t yet know the exact details pertaining to how they procured such a means of trasportation, especially at such a possibly late or early hour where all others creatures not immediately involved were still asleep at the time of their departure.”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, I knew that.” Rainbow totally lied. “I was just making sure you did too.”
“Ugh. Sure, whatever. So Starlight, any ideas on that?”
“I do. But I need to ask first. Do any of you know why somepony would be using a wagon at such an hour?”
“To…carry…something?”
“Or..?”
“GASP! To deliver something!”
“Exactly!”
“But then what would’ve they been delivering so early in the mornin’?”
“That’s we’re about to find out, come on girls!”
And with that, the five mares who’d been sitting just a second ago were now up and galloping down the crystal halls, ready to tackle their latest lead. However, not all of them had shared the same enthusiasm as the last mare standing glanced back at the last mare still sitting before the holo-map.
“Twilight?” Starlight asked, approaching her friend. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you coming?”
The mare for her part, didn’t look like she was, or at the very least wasn’t that very second.
“I-…” She quietly trailed off, staring at the map’s glimmering landscape. “I don’t think so.”
The unicorn balked.
“What? B-But what about Robin?”
“Starlight.” Twilight spoke, her voice wavering. “He left because I didn’t listen to him. Because I-…because I didn’t care what he thought or how he felt.” She sniffled. “W-What makes you think that he will listen to me now, o-or later, o-o-or ever?”
“Well…”
“And even if he said he had taken Spike, who’s to say that Spike didn’t just go with him willingly because I didn’t take his issues seriously either?”
“…Is that what you really think?”
“I…I don’t know!” The mare shouted, throwing her hooves up before she sadly slumped back in her chair. “I…I just don’t know.”
Seeing her friend in such a state, the unicorn saddened to say the least. But doing nothing wasn’t going to change anything, least of all bring Robin and Spike back home safe and sound. So giving it a bit do thought, the mare sighed.
“Well…maybe you’re right.”
“I AM?!” The alicorn shouted, nearly falling out of her chair from the shock alone.
Starlight shrugged.
“I dunno.”
Twilight froze, then blinked.
“Wh-Wha-“
“And you don’t know either, right?”
“Well! N-No, bu-“
“Then go find out then!” The unicorn nearly shouted, causing the alicorn to flinch. “Assuming things aren’t going to help and assuming the worst ain’t going to bring back Robin OR Spike anytime soon! So why don’t you just stop with the sulking and start with the searching, Huh?!”
“Well…”
“I’m not hearing a yes?!”
“Alright, alright I’m going!” Twilight yelled, raising her hooves in surrender, before she quickly made for the exit, but just suddenly stopped. Turning around, she made a number of cute little noises before sighing and just smiling.
“Thanks, Starlight.”
The unicorn returned the smile in kind.
“Eh. What’re friends for?” She shrugged, before giving her a different kind of smile. “Now go find your wayward stallion.”
Twilight sputtered.
“He’s not my-! Ooh!”
Not giving in to her friend’s little trap, the mare turned and darted out of the castle as fast as a flustered alicorn could.
Starlight for her worth simply stood there a quiet moment longer more before she smirked then giggled.
“Sure, Twilight. You keep thinking that.” She chuckled again before her gaze traveled down at the table and the miniature lands it projected. More specifically, to the tiny seaside towns nearest to Ponyville.
“Well Robin, you had your little head start. Now, the hunt begins.”
---
“…That’s it?”
“That’s i- what do you mean that’s it?!”
Robin slowly shook his head from side to side as if he were a disappointed father.
‘These mares.’
“THAT is the worst thing you can think of for ‘punishing’ criminals?” He raised a deadpanned brow. “Seriously?”
“YES!”
The human scoffed.
“Oh please.”
“You should be scared! Why aren’t you scared?!”
“You think.” The human started, eying the crowd behind her. “You ALL think that the worst thing you can do to a guy like me…is tie me up real good…throw me in a cage…and then take turns trying to make me hard?” He gave the captain a glance, noting her expectant look, before returning his attention to the livid unicorn before him. “That’s a punishment?”
“It is!” She roared, stomping her little hoof.
“No, it isn’t.”
“Yes. It. IS!”
“How? Fucking how, then?”
“Hah! You will bare witness to many a sexy provocations and enticements from the entire crew! Then at a time that I or the captain see fit, or when your sexual desire has been driven to the absolute breaking point, only then will you be left alone on this deck to suffer, without release, nor ability to…’initiate’ said release.” She then chuckled rather darkly. “Were things different and your crimes not as severe as they are, I would’ve almost felt sorry for you. Afterall, such a punishment has been known to drive its victims almost mad with lust, feral even.” She smiled, shaking her head slowly from side to side. “You poor, poor, stallion.”
“…Right. Now, sorry if I’m sounding like a broken record, buuuuuut…how is that still considered a punishment, again?”
“B-Bucking What?!”
“In fact, after you explained it, it’s really starting to sound less like a punishment and more like an excuse.”
“A-An excuse?!” The horn-y little magic horse sputtered. “An excuse for what?!”
Robin simply chuckled.
“Look, if you and your friends just wanted to practice your seduction skills on me, you could’ve just asked rather than make it sound like a bad thing.
“But it is a ba-!“
“Hell, if you want, I can even give you some of the same pointers that my old man gave me back when I was having lady trouble. He was quite the chick charmer, you know.”
Blossom was speechless. She just couldn’t believe what she was hearing, heard, had comprehended with all her little brainy bits the absolute nonesense the man was spouting at her.
Glancing at the adalesent drake beside the man, she’d be lying to herself if it wasn’t relief that she’d felt when she saw him look as utterly horrified as he did.
See!? THAT was the reaction she was expecting. But the man’s?
She turned to her captain for some semblance of guidance but she was just as speechless, if not a little amazed at not only the man’s genuine disappointment, but absolutely robust brass balls for what he had said, if that sparkle in her eyes wasn’t a hint.
She even spun about to face the crew, just to see what they thought of all this. And yes, it seemed that her disbelief was not only justified but mirrored ten fold as there wasn’t a single mare in the crowd who wasn’t staring wide-eyed at the human. Tartarus, there wasn’t even a second more of silence spared before the crew expoded with noise.
Some yelled.
Some cheered.
Some fainted.
Some even considered his proposal…then yelled their demands for it.
Aaand one mare in particular was just jumping around in place, shouting to the heavens above that she was right, whatever that meant.
Hmm. You know, In hindsight…maybe Captain Nautica should’ve just kept her cute little snoot shut.
“Heh. Yeah well, what can I say?” Robin said, slightly rolling his shoulders so as not to jostle the captain too much as she dangled helplessly in his grasp, her neck snuggly against the crook of his right arm while the hand of his left rested over her pretty little head, occasionally patting the top of it and unconsciously scratching behind a flicking ear, which the mare was okay with, you know with her pushing into his hand and all, despite her current positioning. “I’m just full of surprises.” She agreed with that. Would’ve nodded too had she, you know, been able to given her predicament.
That predicament?
“Now, ladies! Miss Blossom. Miss Nautica? I do believe some negotiating is in order, aye?”
Blossom Blade was beyond furious. She wasn’t just fuming, oh no. She was a damn supernova ready to be let loose on and extinguish this mortal plane in a single, blinding flash of incomprehensible anger. She was furious. She was molten. And she…totally wasn’t about to piss herself as she and the rest of the crew stared wide-eyed at their captain, their leader, the mareliest of mares among them, c-cooing in the headlock that their previously bound (and now currently unbound) prisoner had her in.
“That is unless…” Robin suddenly said, garnering the attention of Blossom and the others as he lightly jostled his eeping hostage. “You lot don’t care if I have my way with your Captain here?”
“H-How lewd.” A mare in the back whimpered, the mares around her nodding and murmuring the same.
“Horseapples!” Blossom yelled, drawing her four wooden katanas in a flash as she made ready to pounce. “You wouldn’t da-!”
“Ah! Ah! Ah!” Robin said, smiling devilishly as he raised his pony shield up a little higher, her little hooves kicking wildly. “Better calm those tits of yours, Miss Blade! Wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt your captain, right?”
The unicorn, having quickly realized the situation she found herself in, froze mid-step. Then, seeing the bastard before her raise his brow playfully, made a sound akin to a constipated cow before with clear, heated hesitation, she sheathed her blades.
“There. That’s a good pony.” Robin chuckled before glancing at his little captain carry-on. “See that, Miss Nautica? Your subordinate really does care about you.”
The captain, calm as she looked despite her current predicament, closed her eyes and nodded solemnly. “That she does.” Before she suddenly opened them and looked back up at her captor. “And yet despite knowing that, you'd still torment her like this? In front of the entire crew even? Have you no mercy?”
“Miss Nautica.” Robin chuckled lowly as his left hand slowly fell from her head to her exposed belly, which after making gentle contact, sent a great shiver throughout the mare’s body that only progressed to a quivering, pleasured writhe as it began to roll over her belly in slow circles, the digits spreading out, wandering. Terrorizing. An ear absently twitched as Robin’s lips stopped just short a hair from it.
“Mercy?” He whispered before blowing softly into her lobe, earning a very unmarely noise from the fair captain as her body twisted and turned in his firm embrace. His deep chuckle shook the mare to her very core. "I hardly know her."
“E-E-Enough!” Blossom yelled, stomping her hooves with enough force to crack the wood beneath her. “You will release the captain THIS INSTANT or else-!”
“Or else what?” Robin simply asked, raising a brow as the mare before him and the mare in his arms both flinched. “If you haven’t already guessed it, Miss Blossom, I'm the one holding the cards here. Or well, your captain, in this case.”
“W-Which you will release!-“
“ONCE...all my demands have been met.”
The mare blinked.
“Y-Your demands? Your demands?!”
“That’s right. For example…Miss Pop?”
The pegasus in question all but jumped when she was called. She really wished she wasn't called.
“Y-Yeah?” She replied, as reluctantly as one normally would when they were suddenly brought into something they had no business being a part of.
“My effects please.” There was a moment’s pause before he suddenly added. “And my bro.”
The Pegasus blinked before glancing first at Spike who stood beside her, and was making no move without somepony’s say so, then to the man patiently awaiting her response, and then finally to Miss Blossom. Who, after a very long moment of silence, nodded her head.
Seeing that as her cue, she glanced back down to the drake and also nodded, cuing him to hesitantly waddle his way over to Robin before reluctantly parking himself on his left side. And after seeing him off did Cherry Pop finally make her way below deck to fetch Robin’s things.
“Good. And next…Miss Brushstroke?”
With the tiniest of eeps, the blue unicorn froze as she too was chosen. She too also didn’t want to be chosen.
“Could you please untie my lil bro from his bindings?”
Blinking at both the request and at the human who just requested such a request, she too couldn’t help but glance over at Miss Blossom. And damn if the mare didn’t look as though she’d explode right then and there. But just as before, albeit with teeth grinding and her eyes staring death into the smug human, did she nod her head and Madre made quick to approach the trio and just as quickly undue Spike’s ropes.
“Looks like I’ll have to owe you big for this little favor as well, aye Brush?” Robin chuckled, causing the mare to halt before whimpering quietly as she returned to her knot-untying. That little reaction however didn’t go over Miss Nautica’s head as she tried to turn her head in Robin’s grip, only managing to give him a glowering upwards side-glance.
“As well?” She repeated, causing the blond-haired mare to flinch once more. “Care to explain, Miss Madre?”
“We-Well I, I me-ean I didn’t think that-“
“Calm down, Captain.” Robin butted in, causing the trio to all look up at him at once as he raised a placating hand. “She’s innocent.” He paused as he glanced at the little blue pone, smirking. “Too damn innocent.” The mare only blushed harder.
“Explain.” The captain ordered, despite not realizing that she was in no position to do so.
“Okay.” Was Robin’s nonchalant reply, much to Madre’s quickly shaking head. “Well, I couldn’t have done my little trick earlier if it weren’t for her, see what happened was…”
<<<
“Miss Brushstroke?”
“Hmm?” The mare beside him quietly hummed as the two stood at the bottom of the steps leading up to the main deck. Spike had just gone up and was now making his little introduction after Cherry made hers. “What is it, Mister Robin?”
“It’s my ropes. They’re cutting into my wrists, you see.”
The little unicorn gasped.
“Oh no! You’re not too hurt, are you?”
“No, no.” Robin tried to dismiss. “It ain't nothing too bad. I’ve dealt with far worse, trust me.” There was a pause. “But...then again…” His hands fidgeted in their bindings. “They are chafing them something fierce. Would you be so kind as to…maybe loosening them up a bit?”
“L-Loosen them?”
“Just a tiny bit.”
“I…I'm sorry, Robin, but I can’t-“
“Pleaaase?”
“Uhm…”
“I’ll make it worth your wwwwhiiiiile.”
“Y-, Y-You will?”
“Well…if you got a little closer, I just might even be able to show you.”
Blinking up at the man’s words, the unicorn thought things over a moment before she simply shrugged and with only a little reluctance, moved closer to the bound human. Perfect.
With wicked suddenness, one of Robin’s bound hands shot up and towards Brushstroke’s head, or more specifically, to the top of it.
“W-W-Wait! What are! You…d-doing.”
The mare’s words slowly died in her mouth as her face went from sudden shock to absolute bliss in a mere matter of seconds. Her eyelids fluttered, a leg kicked, and she couldn’t help herself from rolling her head in the direction that the fingers scratched and rubbed. It was heavenly. Until they suddenly stopped.
Blinking, she looked up at the human with a tilt of her head and only a light pout while Robin bore only an seemingly innocent smile.
“My ropes, then?”
Scrunching her snoot, the mare thought things over some more before-.
“That is unless you don’t want the scratches that come af-“
With the recognizable chime of magic accompanying a slight tug to his hands, Robin could already feel his bindings become significantly more looser by the time the chiming faded.
A feeling which was quickly replaced by the soft mane of his guard as she pushed her head into his hands. She was then rewarded for her troubles once more and gave a joyful little neigh as those wondrous digits ran over her scalp.
And yet, sadly, that joy ended with the petting ending as soon as it started. Looking up at the human expectantly, Madre Brushstroke couldn’t help but pause as the human glanced back at her from over his shoulder. Those eyes. That smile.
“You know, Miss Brushstroke?” The man innocently started, strangely enough making the unicorn flinch. “I do hate to say this but…I think my ropes are…STILL quite unbearable.”
Those eyes.
“Now, if you could loosen them just a liiiittle bit more…”
That smirk.
“I’d be very grateful.”
>>>
“Brushstroke.” The captured captain quivered. “Say it ain’t so.” The cute, innocent, sweet, gullible, guilty little unicorn could only blush in defense.
“Apologies my captain, but…” She glanced up at the human before her eyes slowly trailed down to his hands. “Those…h-hands of his, they are unlike anything I’ve ever felt.” She shivered after saying that.
“And they’ll be feeling you up again later, Miss Brushstroke…” Robin smirked, earning a sharp gasp from both mares, and a very worried look from Spike. “As both a thanks and an apology for getting you roped into our little plan.” He raised a brow at the mare when her horn suddenly flared and the ropes binding Spike’s claws suddenly went up in a golden flash. He also yelped at that, ironic considering he’s a dragon. Maybe it just surprised him? “That is…” Robin continued, but paused once more when he noticed the little mare begin to pant rather…gruffly. And those eyes, were those hearts he was seeing in them? “If you’d be willing to accept it?”
Hearing that, or rather snapping back to reality just as Robin finished, Brushstroke blinked a few times before she suddenly realized that he was in fact waiting for a reply. Straightening herself up, she did just that.
“W-Well, while I am truly grateful for that consideration and would be more than willing enough to accept your apology, a-as a loyal crew mare aboard one of her royal majesty’s ships, I must first confide with my captain.”
Ahh, now ain’t that just precious? Sure, she’d pretty much been swayed by Robin and his magical hands the first time and in doing so had technically committed treason by aiding the escape of a criminal...but now? Now, when the cat was out of the bag and she was almost guaranteed another go with those dubious digits, she now had the gall to ask her captain for permission...WHILE she was being held hostage by the very man she let loose unto her?
“…Well, Captain Nautica?”
“You can’t be serious.” The captain deadpanned, pouting adorably when she was suddenly booped for her answer by one of those fiendish fingers.
“Come now, Captain.” Robin said, smiling ear to ear. “You’d not only deny one of your crewmares the chance to make amends for her mistake but would willingly forgo a stallion’s honest means to repent? Who’s the cruel one, now?”
When the captain went to rebuke him, and by rebuke that meant scrunching her snoot adorably at him, there suddenly came a very unmarely growl.
“THAT! IS! IT!” Blossom yelled, stomping her little hooves in frustration befor-
“Mareines!”
In a matter of seconds, there was a flurry of movement before nearly a dozen barrels were leveled on Robin and company, with Nautica eeping, Spike nearly fainting, and Brushstroke quickly scrambling behind Robin’s legs while the human raised a curious brow.
Oh yeah. Did I forget to mention? Marshmallow ponyland has guns.
Well…sorta. See, while these little ponies ARE packing, they technically aren’t at the same time. How so? Well, get this…they don’t even use bullets! Right?! Now imagine Robin’s reaction the first time, being previously a red blooded American, that in magical marshmallow ponyland, guns DON’T kill people.
…Yeah, bet you that's not what the founding fathers intended.
But seriously, they actually enchant their weapons with sleep or paralysis spells, fill ‘em up with this weird pixie dust they’ve got kegfuls of, aim, and fire. Huh, now that I think about it, it’s actually kinda neat. Like a musket-shaped wand or something.
Right, right, back to the story.
Anyway, Robin stared back at the impromptu firing squad with a raised brow. Royal mareines, eh?
“Miss Blossom.” Robin started quietly, so sudden was the change in his voice that it made those behind and in front of him flinch. “Mind telling me why these little musket mares of yours are pointing THEIR weapons at THEIR captain?”
“Not their captain.” Miss Blossom corrected, pulling a pistol of her own out from…somewhere…and aiming it up at the human’s face. “But her captor.” She magically flicked the hammer back with an audible click and wouldn’t you know it? The thing began to glow. “You’ve embarrassed her, me, the crew, and this ship for long enough! Now! I will only ask you one last time. Release the captain, and surrender!”
“Hmph. You didn’t say pl-“
Robin’s cocky retort was cut short when the musketeers around her all flicked back their own hammers, filling the air with the soft hums of the weapons as the spell runes carved across the side of each of their muskets glowed to life.
“…Hmmmm. Fine.”
“You dare to-! Wait, what?”
“I’ll release her.”
“You will? I-I mean good! It’s about time you finally saw rea-“
“Better catch her, though!”
“Waitwha-?!”
“YEEET!”
And with neither a fuck to spare nor a passing glance at the captain quickly shaking her head, there was nothing that stopped Robin from winding up for the pitch and absolutely decking the little unicorn with her captain. And with the shot being as powerful as it had been, there came a loud, unisoned squeak from the two ponies colliding with one another before their combined momentum sent them colliding into several more unlucky mares. This big o' ball of flying fluff and limbs then continued passed the crew, nearly bowling over a few more mares who were able to duck to the side in time before the mareball finally met its end against the base of the foremast, exploding mares out left, right, and center.
Pumping his fist, the human yelled a triumphant “Strike!” Before he turned to look down at Spike and Miss Brushstroke with the former looking horrified while the ladder looked ready to be buried. Taking a quick knee, he smirked at the young drake.
“Time to go, bro!” He said, to which the little guy had barely a moment to reply before he was suddenly picked up with a yelp and draped over Robin’s shoulder with a bounce. Once his boy got his grip, he then turned to the unicorn. “Miss Brushstroke?”
“Y-Yes?” She hesitantly replied, only to go rigid one second then nearly falling limp the next when Robin’s hands were suddenly set upon her, delivering forth a flurry of scratches, rubs, and pats upon wherever there grew fur. Ten seconds later and there was a pony-shaped puddle twitching on the deck with a goofy smile on her snoot.
“I do hope you’re satisfied with my apology, Miss Brushstroke.” Robin chuckled, not enjoying it near enough as she did but still enjoying it nonetheless. When she said nothing…coherent at least in return, the human nodded with a grin. “I’ll take your syllable gargling as a yes, then.”
Standing up, he gave the giggling fur rug a salute before looking up and around at all the mares that couldn’t decide to either stare at him, his hands, or at one of their own flopping on the deck like a fresh caught fish. There looks of utter flabergastation and want we’re like candy to the human’s eyes as he very audibly cracked his fingers, pinning ears and garnering attention.
“So.” He started, his eyes shifting from pony to pony as he cracked a devilish smile. “Who’s next?”
The crewmares glanced at one another, their hesitation and indecisiveness going hoof in hoof as a few in the front would step back while a few in the back would step forward. Even the mareines who had previously aimed their weapons at him with unflinching resolution gulped when he glanced their way, causing more than a few muskets to shake slightly in their magical and multicolored auras. Who would make the first move, all seemed to wonder.
“Em brak!” Cried Cherry Pop as she suddenly popped up from below deck like a goffer, making several mares in the crowd jump at her sudden reappearance while at least half of the muskets trained on Robin went off in a flurry of startled squaks, blaring blasts, and blue smoke. And wouldn't you believe that at least one of those shots that the mares misfired actually hit their intended target?
...Well, if your answer was no then that made two of you, with the other BEING the intended target who remained unflinching where he stood, despite the addition of a baby dragon now clinging tightly to his face, eyes tightly shut and body shaking like a kitten fresh out of the bath. What. A. Clusterfuck.
And for her part, the one responsible for the clusterfucking merely blinked, raising a brow as she looked about, Robin’s sack dangling cutely in her toothy grasp. “Wha dwid dwi hwis?”
Blinking at her, or rather the bundle in her mouth, Robin didn’t waste a second and broke into a sprint towards the confused Pegasus.
“Gangway!” Robin yelled as he ran towards his target, barely clipping a few scrambling pones while completely bowling over several others that tried, and failed, to block his path. There were even a few more blasts of billowing blue smoke at one point, followed by the accompanying cracks of thunder. But whatever their purpose was besides irritating the man's eyes and ears was anyone's guess. The others however simply stood and stared slack jawed as the human, who had somehow dodged three shots of sleep spell fired near pointblank at him and hadn't even missed a step, pressed his advance at his own intended target.
That target being Cherry Pop who was still looking around in confusion before she suddenly heard someone yell something along the lines of “Cherry Popfly!” Before turning and already seeing the human and his scaly passenger flying over her. With a yelp, she threw the bundle up, and watched as it was caught by the human who winked at her before sticking the landing and coming to a rolling crouch on the other side.
Blinking, Cherry then saw the man stand up, his passenger still somehow remaining on his shoulder if barely, tie the bundle to his back tight, then give her a glancing smirk that set her cheeks ablaze and wings popping to attention.
Chuckling at the reaction he got out of his other little unintentional helper, Robin turned back to regard the mares standing between him and escape. Six mudmares, three hornheads, and a pair of pegussies surrounded him in a slowly enclosing semi-circle. The muddies, growling cutely behind the wooden swords in their mouths, crept forward like prowling felines. The pegs did the same, though sans any wooden weapons. Maybe they intended to just tackle him? Either way, they’d both be cake to take care of. The uni’s on the other hand would be a bit trickier to deal with. Mostly because they already had their muskets humming and trained on Robin’s chest. Looking over and passed the approaching mares, Robin saw the captain and her first mate were still busy untangling themselves and couldn't help but chuckle to himself.
“Robin?”
Right. Spike was still on his shoulder. Glancing at him, Robin smiled.
“Yeah, bro?” He innocently replied, making the dragon grimace.
“Please don’t hurt them TOO much.” Spike pleaded, causing the mares closing in to hesitate. What'd he mean by that? The human himself was quiet a moment before he suddenly laughed a little too heartedly and patted the drake on his head. “Spike, please! You know me, don't cha?" He nodded and Robin smirked. "Good. Then you'll know I make no such promises."
Becoming instantly triggered, one of the muds who'd managed to get behind him made a run at him, squeeing a sorta muffled battle cry behind her sword as she galloped. But when she got just close enough to jump at him, she leapt, and had made one very crucial mistake. And that was Robin's ability to hear midget horses yell out “sneak attack!” when they should know damn well to do the exact opposite in said unsaid action. Plus, Spike had actually noticed the mare in the corner of his eye and had frantically yanked at Robin's neck to garner his attention when she announced her attack. But regardless of the mare's blunder or Spike's forewarning, it wasn't until her little hooves left the deck did Robin finally act. And swift was his act.
Without skipping a beat, the man had turned and grabbed her midair and, without a second thought, brought her into a sudden hug. Suddenly chest to chest with the man, her eyes went wide as they stared into his, a impish glee behind them that made her breath hitch and her world spin before she felt two rough and warm thumps against her back and she suddenly couldn’t quite feel her anything soon thereafter. Which was kinda a good thing because the next thing she knew, she was sent flying into the very two unicorns that accidently shot her. She didn't completely feel the impact, but from the sound the two made upon contact, it wasn't pretty.
Scoring that little triple, Robin pumped a fist before the arm attached to it was yanked. Looking over, he saw one of the pegasi gripping it tight with all her little might as he wings bat furiously behind her. And when he went to grab her, his other arm was enveloped and yanked the opposite way, the other pegasus smiling triumphantly as the two worked to hold him steady.
'Nice try girlies, but I've still got my l-' Robin grunted as the back of both of his legs were suddenly assaulted. falling to his knees, he glanced over and found two more earth pones smiling wickedly at him, the swords in their mouths raised and ready to restrike him. ‘Clever girls.’
Suddenly pone on his chest! Looking down, he glared at the little ball of fur that stuck her tongue right back as she hugged him much like a bear cub starved for affection would. And he nearly fell on her too when yet another pony jumped onto his back, teeth biting down onto his shirt as she dangled there behind him. Now appearing significantly incapacitated, Robin clicked his tongue before turning to Spike...and seeing that he was already locked in fierce combat with the mare, the two exchanging swift, yet baby soft slaps at one another. Both also had there eyes firmly closed and heads turned away from each other. ‘Great, just great. Could this clusterfuck get any-‘
Over the quiet grunts and eeps from the two, And not even after Robin had finished that particular thought, did another mare catch his attention. Twelve o' clock and centerstage, there stood the sixth mudmare, the third unicorn shaking slightly beside her as the earthbound one got low and began to dig at the deck.
‘Wait, what’s she-‘ Without warning, save for a sussy smirk, the mare charged, galloping at him like a bull at nearly a full tilt with her head down and dead set on his...no. NO!
'She's going for the jewels!' Robin mentally exclaimed before with a flicker of ignited irritation, he raised his arms that the two Pegasi were latched to, clenched his fists, and with a swiftness and strength that shocked the pair, he brought his arms together, slamming the two mares into each other before just as swiftly threw them and the Pegasi apart with the mares landing on the deck in unconscious heaps while his arms and torso fell towards the floorboards in a sudden push-up pose. Mistaking the human's fall for a blunder, the two mares behind him rushed forward, only to be given a mule's respite to both their chests as the man's legs suddenly tucked inward then shot outward with so much force that the two saw stars as they were launched rearward and out of sight.
Glancing after the pair he'd just bucked2 six ways from Sunday, and owing a silent thanks to a certain fruit farmer for the lesson, he turned back around just in time to see the charging earth pony's wicked smile as she closed the distance. Donning a smile of his own, Robin saw the mare's look of triumph vanish in an instant as he simply pushed himself up, the space between chest and deck just enough of a clearing that the mare would pass harmlessly through and keep on galloping.
That is...if a certain little pone wasn't still glued to his chest. Ouch. Sucking in his gut, Robin watched with unsuppressed amusement as the two collided, the one dangling from his chest let go, and the mare imitating a bull sent the both of them into a tumbling roll through an open hatch and down into the deck below.
One chest jockey down. Now that just left the one on his ba-
"I'm. His! BRO!" Spike suddenly roared, causing Robin to snap from his big brain move and just barely catching the little drake straight up spartan kick the other mare off his back, who of which yelped cutely as she fell from her perch and onto the deck with an adorable oof.
Looking back, he gave the amused human a shaky claws up, which the man matched with a thumb of his own before a magical blue bolt streaked right passed his right cheek.
Spinning about, he instantly locked eyes with that one unicorn who swore to herself as she lowered her smoking rifle to reload it.
Standing up, Robin began to march menacingly towards her, prompting the mare to swear to herself faster as she began the tedious process of loading her gun.
Withdrawing a paper cartridge from her saddlebag, she tore at the top of it like a starved savage, nearly swallowing half the damn thing as she poured a portion of the magi-dust into the pan and then the rest down the barrel, spilling most of it in the process. Then shoving the cartridge itself down her boomtube, she magically retched the gun’s steel ram rod free, spun it, and tried to ram it home. But despite her hurried efforts, she just couldn’t line the two up and began dancing frantically in place as her hurried actions only made her aura fumble and waver more.
But luckily enough, she did eventually get the rod passed the muzzle ring and shoved the thing home, gave it a few quick pumps, then tossed it aside before she cocked the hammer back and-
“Done yet?”
-Froze when she failed to notice the human looming patiently over her. Shivering like a shaved chihuahua, the mare slowly glanced up at the man and, despite the loaded weapon in her telekinetic grasp, she couldn’t have felt more vulnerable.
“If you are, then go right on ahead…shoot me.”
The mare blinked, as did those around them. An action that was repeated once more when the human spread his arms wide, palms bare before her like someone welcoming a hug.
“B-But why would-“
The mares question was cut short with a yelp, as the man’s hand was suddenly before her and without skipping a beat, flicked at her horn, breaking what little concentration she had left. And as her magic sputtered out of sight, it dropped the rifle right into the human’s other awaiting hand.
“Too slow.” Was all he said, patting the mare’s head, which she did not entirely dislike, until that petting turned into a shove, nearly sending the mare’s head into the boards as he leaped over her like a frog and dashed off, laughing all the while. “But thanks for the gun, though!”
Imagining the flustered look that little Miss Horn-head was definitely giving him, Robin booked it across the weather deck, juking passed or jumping over armored guards and armed sailors alike.
He did this for about…a few more minutes, all the while avoiding a absolute flurry of musketfire. Until one mare got lucky.
Fending off another squad of mares who had tried to tag-team take him down, Robin had been left completely oblivious when one unicorn who, after dropping her cloaking spell less than a foot from the pair, raised her rifle and took aim. It was only a second, maybe two. Spike, having just scared a trio of mares off with a blast of his emerald fire, had just noticed the mare, roughly half a second before Robin did as well.
And then she fired.
With a crack, blast, and a puff of smoke, Robin hadn’t the chance to dodge. The point blankness of the shot made sure of that. Guaranteed it even. That is, it WOULD have, hadn’t the mare made the biggest mistake she’d unluckily, unintentionally ever made. She forgot the bro code.
Flinching from what should have been a bolt between his eyes, Robin peepers hesitantly blinked open then widened when he saw his genuine surprise reflected in his bro’s already drooping whites.
“Spike.” Robin breathed as the little drake who’d jumped in front of the shot at the last possible second, blinked owlishly back at him before his grip on the man’s face fell limp and he slid off the man’s shoulder, barely feeling the hands that caught him a few inches short of hitting the deck. Those hands then held him there, cradling the little dragon who’s last waking moments were spent gazing at the human, his expression lost on the barely conscious baby dragon as he fought to keep his heavy eyelids open.
“Don’t worry, bro.” Spike yawned, the man flinching as he did. “I…always…got y-your…back.” And with that last bit of reassurance, the little dragon lad quietly drifted off to a peaceful slumber.
Meanwhile, the action aboard the Wet Dream had suddenly ceased as the crew, huffing and puffing as almost all of them did, stared with varying degrees of concern and wariness at the human, curiously posed with his knees to the deck and silently cradling his sleeping dragon friend in his arms. They looked to one another, not sure how to proceed.
Some looked as if they weren’t buying into what they thought was a poor excuse of a sad act from the man and his friend. And this couldn’t be any further from the truth as most of those mares remained unflinching, their swords brandished and their rifles bared.
Others however, seemed ready to go over and comfort the kneeling human, as was the norm when it came to seeing a distraught stallion.
The rest…just looking apprehensive, unsure of how to proceed but sure enough to keep their distance all the while.
Except one mare who, after hesitating a moment, began to push through the crowd until she stood alone before the hunched over human. It was Cherry Pop, though whether the human or the crew found this surprising, neither party showed it. For several tense seconds, the pegasus didn’t say anything, choosing instead to rest a cherry-red hoof on the man’s arm.
“How you holding up, big guy?” She softly spoke, to which the man only responded with silence. Ears splayed back and wings fidgeting, the mare quickly searched for something to say. It wasn’t until her eyes finally fell on the sleeping drake, had the answer been snoozing right in front of her the whole time.
“Permission to lay the little guy below?”
At that, the man finally looked up from the drake in his arms to the pegasus offering a kind smile right back. And after a moment, there was finally the brief flash of a smirk before, with a quiet “granted,” he handed over his best bro. And after she made sure that the little drake was well cozied up against her chest tuft did Cherry Pop take her leave below deck, to the surprise and genuine relief of her fellow crewmares.
“Now then.” Robin suddenly said, causing the mares to tense up as they saw the man slowly rise to his full height. Gone was any hint of mourning from his features, replaced only by a resolute expression that caused most of the crew to take a shaky step back. The rest…blushed, knowing full well that they’d definitely need to reevaluate themselves after all this was said and done. Robin’s cracking neck and knuckles didn’t really help either. “Where were we?”
“…”
The human’s obviously rhetorical question was met with stares and silence before, with a cry for action from a mare in the back, the mares were finally spurred to reaction. Snapping from their momentary stupors, the mob of marely misfits let loose a cacophony of screams and battle cries before surging forward like a living tidal wave of fluff and wooden weaponry.
Robin, enjoying a sudden cocktail of rejuvenated joy and freshly-squeezed adrenaline coursing through his veins, counter-charged the mares with an even greater enthusiasm bordering on reckless abandon. Actually, reckless wished it was Robin. And after quickly acquiring a pair of wooden swords from two very charitable ladies and with eyes that seemed to positively glow with unadulterated excitement, did he put the word, textbook definition, and any possible example of the word to shame as he threw himself at the crew like a rabid animal.
And what an animal he was.
Fighting with a newfound, almost beastial vigor, Robin let loose a flurry of kicks, punches, and slashes that sent even the most veteran members of the crew backpedaling over each other as he made short, merciless work of their lower ranks.
The fight passed this point had no longer become a fight. It was a slaughter.
The earth ponies of the crew dropped like flies left, right, and center as they stepped up to the frenzied human…and were promptly, metaphorically, and quite literally curb-stomped upon, despite being the most physically fit of the three tribes. Looks like their right to brag had been revoked.
The unicorns…didn’t fare any better.
Though they certainly lacked strength in the physical sense, their magic and magical tools more than made up for that dificiency, and should have given them an almost serrated edge against what should have amounted to quelling one little monkey’s tantrum.
This…was not the case.
For when the unicorns had tried to form a firing line, rifles bared and ready to bring his frivolous resistance to a swift end, Robin was there, breaking up their formations either with a strong limb or a poor pone projectile. Usually an earth pony.
When he wasn’t and the mares, in formation or not, managed to get off a volley or two, their shots never did quite hit their marks. Not that they were terrible shots, far from it in fact. It’s just that their inability to actually hit-marker the man had been due to an unfortunate mare or two seemingly always getting in the way at the last possible second. And not necessarily because Robin had picked them up and used them as squealing shields.
And speaking of squealing, could you guess which tribal portion of the crew was having it the worst? I’ll give you a hint, it was the pegasi.
Because really when it came to the other two tribes only lacking in one department or another, the pegasi had the inexcusably worst luck of all the three tribes. Gone was the strength. Gone was the magical prowess, or the ability to effectively utilize most weapons and tools in association. Gone was even having a semi-sturdy frame that didn’t literally get blown away in the breeze, much less get absolutely dumpstered on in a one-on-one or even a three-on-one with one very quirked-up pirate boy.
But that didn’t mean that the three tribes didn’t all have at least one thing in common…getting collectively and absolutely dunked on by Robin. Who, after introducing one earth pony’s flank to his steel-toe boot, suddenly took a half step to the left and was just barely missed by several bolts of blue magic that had left fresh scorch marks where he’d once stood not a second ago.
Glancing up, Robin followed the general direction that the bolts had rained down from and was awarded with seeing several more mares hesitantly peeking down from their raised platforms amongst the riggings and sails. Flashing his dogs, those girls who’d thought themselves smart for initially having the high ground, now looked absolutely terrified when the human whom they’d for sure thought they’d had the drop on, ran towards the base of the main mast and, as a squad of mareines took aim at him, quickly untied a line and got an express ticket skyward just as they fired.
“Going up!” Robin yelled joyfully as he rode the rope up to the middle wing of the main sail, letting go just as his feet made contact with the wooden beam. Looking across the length, his eyes fell on several Pegasi and unicorns whom he knew had not expected him to make the sudden trip up. The shaking hooves and yelps kinda gave it away.
“Ladies?” Robin grinned, before flaring his arms out as he nearly lost his balance. Looking back up at the mares, his little show seemed to sober them up some as a few were already making their way towards him while a unicorn remained on the platform, readying her rifle.
The man, hoping to meet them halfway, slowly shuffled his way forward before a sudden gust of wind gave him pause. And with a quick glance to his sides and over his shoulder, he found himself in the close company of three pissed off bird pones, one hovering at his left, his right, and after hearing a light set of clips and clops from behind, his rear as well. Boxed in, he certainly was.
‘Shit.’ Robin thought, clicking his tongue. He saw the obvious precariousness of this situation and what may have been the trace hints of hope that played in the eyes of his would-be surrounderers.
Emphasis on the would-be.
‘Duck.’
With a one-armed draw faster than any of the ponies could realize, Robin aimed his stolen musket at the forward most pegasus, simultaneously thumbing down the hammer and earning a startled yelp from her as she came muzzle to glowing muzzle with his musket.
“Duck.” Robin softly said, earning no hesitation from the mare as she did her best emu impression and practically splintered the beam with how fast she threw her head down. Robin’s smirk was instant, but not as instant as his sudden follow-up of raising the barrel, now pointed down range and at one very surprised unicorn who had less than a second to flinch, much less fire off a shot before her back slammed into the mast behind her at the accompaniment of a puff of smoke and a crackling bang. She then slowly slid down its length until she came to rest on her haunches, a light snore accompanying the rise and fall of the mare’s fuzzy, and only slightly singed chest. “Goose.”
“You plothole!” Suddenly, hoof to the face! “And there’s more where that came from, you-.“ And whatever amounted to the equine equivalent of bravado immediately left the pegasus as Robin slowly turned his head to regard her, her hoof still connected to his left cheek and looking to have done nothing but only irritate him. “-uh…nice, handsome, colt?”
Hearing that however did at least earn the mare a small smile from Robin.
“Oh, I’m handsome alright.” He stated matter-of-factly, grabbing the other eeping pegasus on his right by the hoof despite maintaining direct eye contact with the now heavily-shaking mare. “Just not nice.”
And with the swiftness of a lunging cobra, Robin batted her upside the everything with the other desperately-apologizing-now-bleating pegasus, the two connecting for a split second before the two of them spiraled out of sight with all the cartoony flare of a game-ending spike and a pair of feminine wilhelm screams to match.
“And that’s tha-“
And that’s when the pegasus behind Robin decided it was her moment to avenge her comrades’ honor. Too bad (for her) it was while Robin was having his. Points for kinda-surprising the human, who’d almost forgotten she was even there…up until she tried to go for a headlock.
Nearly losing his balance for the second time, the man’s hands shot out to keep himself centered. And once he was square, an arm immediately shot behind his back, grabbed the squeaking pone by whatever he’d gotten a handful of and effortlessly yanked her off. She then eeped as Robin beheld her by the scruff of her neck.
“Goddamned headhumper!”
“Th-That’s Princess-damned headhumper to you, pal!” The peg spat back, struggling vehemently in the man’s clutches. “Now let me go!”
“Can do,” Robin absently responded, side stepping the rest of the way across the sail arm to the square platform at its center. Once he had more plank to walk about on, he gave a nod before give a quick glance over the side, humming, then returning his gaze to his scrunching charge. “Just gotta see if this works first.”
“When wha-“ the mare asked, but was rudely interrupted when ten more of her flock suddenly shot up around them, wings all beating to a hover as each carried a unicorn, who in turn each magically brandished a musket of her own, who in turn we’re now both aimed at the man and his helpless hostage.
“Freeze, stal-!”
“This.” Was Robin’s sudden response before hitting an about-face and just straight up jumping off the platform to the absolute surprise and shock of all mares present, including his adorable and now screaming baggage as the two now plummeted towards the deck below.
“YOU’RE BUCKING CRAZY!” The mare shrieked, to which the man simply smirked and, despite the rushing wind in their ears, replied in only a slightly raised voice.
“And you’re one of the cutest little bird pones I’ve ever met!” The man said, and despite the wind, his words came never more clearer to the pegasus as her face suddenly flushed red, her wings ruffling with hope.
“I-I am?” She tentivey asked. To which Robin’s smirk only became ever more carnivorous.
“The cutest...” He simply said, before dropping a few octaves. “And the goodest.” He growled.
With a little gasp and the audible, almost umbrella-like ‘pop’ that signaled a pegasus’s wings coming to sudden and aroused attention, Robin’s idea couldnt’ve been any more big-brained as the pair’s quick decent suddenly and very drastically slowed. So sudden that the mare gave another gasp, but not for the same reason as their speed cut so drastically that Robin’s notably lax grip around the mare’s barrel was loosened one moment. Then gone the next.
And instead of landing on deck with all the grace and flare of a pirate-parodied Mary Poppins, as he’d originally imagined, Robin’s usual look of smug certainty in the face of self-assured victory was now betrayed by a noticeable degree of fear in the face of his now-noticing pegachute who could do nothing but vainly reach out for the falling man, miss his outstretched hand by a hair’s breath, and watch helplessly as he fell towards the weather deck and, with a resounding crash, through it.
