Discord's Secret

by Silver Hoof

First published 8th of September, 2012

A Discord story

I wasn't always evil. There was a time, long ago, when I was known across Equestria as the Guardian of Harmony. So what changed? Oh, nothing changed, really. The... conditions... were always there. What are these conditions, you ask? Well, for one, I'm unstable. I am also schizophrenic. And I have Dissociative Identity Disorder (Once called Multiple Identity Disorder). It all just... took a long time to reveal itself. And when it did? When I finally snapped? Nothing had ever felt more liberating... or more painful... in my entire life. I began to hurt my loved ones. I began... to kill. I am Discord, and this is my story.

Part One

I sit here today, encased in this stone prison, and I take a moment to... reflect... on my life. Who am I? Who was I? Where did it all go wrong? Why did it all go wrong? Will I be able to make amends? That last one, I am not quite sure of, but I know the answers to all of the other questions rattling around inside of my skull. Do you miss me Celestia? I miss you...

I was not always evil. There was a time, long ago, when I was known across Equestria as the Guardian of Harmony. So what changed? Oh, nothing has changed, really. The... conditions... had always been there. What are these conditions, you ask? Well, for one, I'm unstable. I have Multiple Personality Disorder. I am also schizophrenic. It all just... took a long time to reveal itself. And when it did? When I finally snapped? Nothing had ever felt more liberating- or more painful- in my entire life. I began to hurt my loved ones. I began... to kill. I am here to try to explain my actions, not to excuse them. There is... no excuse for what I have done. I am also telling you this as an attempt to apologize. I really am sorry... for all I have done. I am Discord, and this is my story.

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Back in a time just over three thousand years ago, I was just starting out in life. I was about ten years old, physically. I knew that I was different from everypony else. I was not actually a pony at all, but a draconequuis. I belonged to an ancient Equestrian race of god-like creatures. I was actually the last of my kind. Just like they were the last of theirs. Well, the last ones in Equestria, at least. The Alicorns. Only ten are left in the entire world, and I shared a class with three of them. Cadence, Luna, and... Celestia. Even back then, I think I loved her. I still do... My life was not the best one, what with living on the streets, no parents to speak of, and nopony who loves you. All I wanted was a friend... That's all... Instead, the ponies shunned me or made fun of me. Even my teachers treated me like shit! The only two ponies... who ever gave a FUCK about me.... were Luna and Cadence. They were my only friends... Celestia didn't even notice that I was there, or that everypony hated me. She was completely oblivious, only concerned with her studies. After school, Celestia would go home, but Luna and Cadence would stay behind to hang out with me. They would double over with laughter whenever I did my 'Spider to a Butterfly' trick. Life got a little better with them as my friends. But I still did not have the one friend that I truly wanted.

Around the time that we graduated into the fifth grade, Cadence got her cutie mark. I remember one day, she had walked up to me in the hallway and asked me a peculiar question. "Do you want me to use my power on my sister?" She had asked.

I had chuckled and shaken my head. "I don't want to be with her unless she decides that it is what she wants to do on her own." That was probably the second worst mistake of my entire life. Looking back, I probably should have let her use that spell... What ever it was. Things would probably have ended differently...

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Chaos... still reigns... in my mind... It's always there... An ever-present, persistent parasite inside my brain... I can't control it... Can't control it... can't control it... Get out of my head! I don't need you... Don't need you... Please... Let me go! I still... love her...

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Around some time in the seventh grade, I was flying to school when I had overheard an intriguing conversation. I hid behind a cloud and watched the ponies below as they argued about something.

"But it is destiny! It was set in stone!"

"Nothing is ever set in stone, 'Tia! It doesn't have to end this way! He's not a bad guy!"

"I have to agree with Luna on this one. Discord is a wonderful character to be around, and-"

"I don't care how he acts! The prophecy says that he is going to-"

"We're being watched, sister. You may want to keep your voice down."

So the three Alicorns are talking about me? I thought. I didn't really think that much about it at the time, however. I should have paid more attention, though. Instead, I just flew off to school, where I would wait for the end of the day so that I could play with Luna and Cadence. They were my best friends.... They were my only friends.

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They were your friends....... They were your friends, and you betrayed them! You.... you should be DEAD! You don't deserve to live, even if it is a life of stone! You were weak! You should have killed them when you had the chance! But what do you do? You let that BITCH live because of a STUPID! FUCKING! CRUSH!....... You're worthless. The next time we get out of here, I am gonna do what you should have done a long time ago!.............. No........ Please..... Don't hurt her...... She's all that I have left...... Oh, you don't have SHIT, and you know it! She doesn't care about you! Nopony cares about you!...... THAT'S NOT TRUE! You just shut up..... Oh, but it is true.... You could have had Celestia, but you were too much of a little fucking bitch to do anything about it! Face it. You're nothing without me....... NO! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! Get away from me! I don't need you!....... Yes you do.... You love having me around.... The liberation, the rage, the power! That's all because of ME, you little prick! You love it!...... SAY IT!........................ I......... I love it.... I love it.

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Part Two

High school had just started, and I have to say, I looked good back then. I still do, actually. The whole 'being encased in stone' thing kind of puts a damper on my social life, but... I'm getting a little off topic, aren't I? Back to the story. The mares in school who used to make fun of me were now chasing me from class to class, some asking me out, some being a bit more... bold, shall we say? The stallions were all jealous, and still tried to get a rise out of me whenever they could. I didn't care about any of them, though. The only ponies that were of any concern to me were the three Alicorns. My two friends and my secret crush. Well, not so secret anymore, actually. Almost everypony in school knew how I felt about her. The only pony who didn't know about my feelings was Celestia herself. It was quite humorous, actually. The irony of it? It made me laugh sometimes... And cry at others. I saw Luna walking down the hall. Her head was hung low, and she was walking very slowly.

"Luna!" I called out. When she looked up and saw me, she trotted faster and threw her forelegs around me. I saw that there were tears in her eyes. "Luna? What's wrong?"

"It's my sister!" She cried. "She... she keeps talking about a prophecy. A prophecy about you. And she has been keeping secrets from me, probably about me!" I hugged the dark blue mare tightly. "What am I supposed to do, DIscord? I'm scared."

"It's okay." I said. "It's going to be okay." She cried into my chest, sobbed for a good five minutes. I stroked her mane, trying to console her. I had no clue as to the events that would take place later that night.

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That night, I was invited to to the three Alicorns' house. Cadence greeted me at the door and ushered me inside, telling me that Celestia was away. I stayed for dinner, and then, Luna invited me to her room. After everypony else was asleep, we... we made love. Heh. That would be another one of my worst mistakes. Or maybe one of my best... I still haven't decided. I still loved her sister, and I think she knew this. Still, Luna didn't protest to me spending the night with her, lying in bed next to her. Maybe she loved me... Maybe she still does. But I still love the Princess of the Sun. Sleeping with her sister definitely did not help with how Princess Celestia saw me, either. But that part will come later. Now, it is the time for the story of how I had finally gotten what I had always wanted. The love of the Princess of the Sun.

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We were nearing the end of the ninth grade when something happened that I would have never expected. I had just left eighth period, I was the last one to leave actually, and I had accidentally dropped a few papers. I was bending over to pick them up when a voice spoke from above me.

"Here, let me help you with that." I looked up, so sure that I knew that voice, but so positive that I was imagining things. If I was, then I must have had an exceptionally vivid imagination, for Princess Celestia was standing right there, just above me. I had been rendered speechless by her presence. She stooped down to help me pick up the papers that I had dropped, and she asked, "You're Discord, right?" Not trusting my voice, I simply nodded. "I've heard a lot about you. The mares in school talk about you all the time, but I never really paid any attention. I guess that I should have, though." She chuckled. "Those mares didn't lie."

I gulped. "Lie about what?" She blushed and looked away.

"You just... Look nice, that's all." I couldn't believe that this was really happening. "So... Do you maybe want to... Um... Go out tonight?" She brushed her mane behind her ear with a hoof. I managed to choke out a yes in reply. The Princess smiled and embraced me. "Oh, thank you! You know, Cadence and Luna are always talking about you. They speak highly of you, so don't prove them wrong. Pick me up at eight-oh-clock tonight, 'kay? Thanks."

Oh shit! I forgot about Luna! Celestia had gone, left to prepare for our date. I still couldn't believe that. A date. With Celestia. I grabbed the sides of my head. You slept with her sister, you fucking moron! What if she finds out? What if Luna tells her? I shook my head. Luna won't tell her. We both agreed that it was a mistake, and that it would never happen again. Besides, you slept with her before Celestia asked you out. Way before then.

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I was confident that it didn't matter that I had slept with Luna. We had barely spoke of it since, and our relationship was unchanged, maybe even made stronger by that one night of intimacy. Things between me and Luna were perfectly normal. We were still able to hug without pulling away quickly and blushing, and she promised me that she wasn't jealous. Cadence told me that she knew, but that I need not worry. She had looked into Luna's heart, and she reported that she had found no jealousy. Luna did love me just a little, but she also wanted me to be happy, and being with Celestia made me happy, so she didn't object. In fact, she encouraged it. She felt that if I could do for Celestia what I had done for her, then maybe Celestia would finally be able to be happy with her life, and she wouldn't be so caught up in her studies and books and prophecies. Maybe Celestia could focus instead on her social life. If only things had worked out that way... If only...

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