Rarity wakes up in the morning only to realize she missed a rare call from her daughter, Pearl, late last night.
Rarity never thought she would be a mother. In her late teens and early twenties, she always thought her friends might end up with big families of their own, but doubted she'd ever find something that would work with the life she wanted to make room for a family. However, if she's learned anything since then, it's that the Goddess spits on the plans of ponies. Between her job running a fashion empire, her love life, and her daughter, she can't ever seem to manage her time right.
After thirteen years of worry and wonder if she's ever been the mother her daughter needs, she gets a call... or, well, misses one, that might just put her on a new direction.
Happy Mother's Day (2020)
Set in my 'Bright Future' universe which diverges from canon after season 4.
"Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault that I'm this easy. How aren't you disgusted with me? No, no, Mama's still got it. Or, conversely, stallions are as desperate as I am. Perhaps a little bit of both? Yes, that's more likely."
Red Bandana continued to snore lightly beside me. He’s certainly attractive, and if I'm quite honest with myself, likely out of my league given that I'm a decade and a half older than him at best. A Christmas cake, half eaten and well past her expiration date if the current trends were anything to go by.
Rather than bother waking Red, I moved to the kitchen in my high-rise apartment and searched for my pills. What a disaster it would be if I gave Pearl a sibling. I can barely manage the one I've got, let alone another by some stranger half my age. Finding the package and pressing one out, I plopped it gently on my tongue and downed a cup of water.
Years ago, there was a time that I believed I could find a prince to carry me away in a beautiful gown in some picturesque carriage as we ride off into the sunset. These days, I simply hope that Pearl doesn't end up the mess that I am. How did Sweetie get it right? How did mother and father do it? Am I just broken? A truth, but aren't we all?
Fluttershy has her litter of Discord's spawn, yet they're all better behaved than their father. Applejack has her large brood, Rainbow has her precious "Stars in the making," talk about ponies who take after their parents, Pinkie has her own quartet of pie siblings, and I… have Pearl. Pearl, who gets to live alone or with my friends or my parents four or more days of the week.
"Red, am I a bad mother?" While his only response was to roll over and continue snoring, it affirmed that, yes, I am, in fact, a terrible mother. I hardly ever spend any time with her. Even when she was just a foal, I could feel there was already distance between us. Though, that could simply be my lamentations already working their way into my head and telling me how incompetent at this I was. Am.
"No, no, Rarity, you're overthinking here. Pearl would tell me if she really felt like I wasn't giving her the attention she needs, wouldn't she?" Wouldn't she? If I were in her position, would I? I let the vain justifications for reasons I wouldn't bother my mother were she me run their course before, once again, realizing how awful at this I am.
I need to call her.
Moving to the studio within my Manehattan high-rise, I found the sleek little device hiding under a pile of magazines, most of which featured my own work. A front page with a glowing review of my new spring line, a sports magazine featuring my design for the Wonderbolts, a publication about a new military uniform design that Twilight asked me to take care of. That one felt especially dirty for the killing I made off it, but what can one do when one's old friend is royalty?
I sighed, smiled at the pictures, then looked at my phone and felt the crushing weight of my terrible decisions smash right into me. I had a missed call. From my daughter.
"Oh, no, no, no, no, no! How could this happen? When did she call me? Oh? More than one missed call?" Taking the device in my magic, I swiped at the screen and pulled the notifications bar down to reveal that I had several missed calls from Applejack, and one from Pearl.
I felt my ear twitch. Given that she, of all ponies, called me more than once, means either I am in trouble, or something has happened to Pearl. Given that Pearl called me after Applejack did, it's likely both. The real question is: which explosive do I trigger first?
If I call Applejack back, then I have to face a lecture on parenting, a lecture on proper behavior, and most certainly a rebuke about my lifestyle, in no small part thanks to Red just so happening to wake up while I'm on the phone with her. As it does, every, single, time.
If I call Pearl back… I wouldn't know what I was in for. Things are so… different these days from when I was a child. Even now, I'm holding an electronic device that allows me to speak with ponies all around the world with a click of a button. Twenty years ago, that wasn't so much as a dream.
Figuring that Applejack's lecture would find me sooner rather than later, I decided to call Pearl first. Goddess knows something happened, and whatever it is is likely to disrupt my Friday. I let out a sigh. And I'm certain it disrupted Applejack's Thursday first.
I hit the dial button, and after a few seconds of ringing, the line picked up.
"Mom…?"
Drowsy, no doubt. When does school start these days? It's… 7:15 AM. Well, good job Rarity, you woke her up. How many weeks has it been since you last did that? Months, even?
I worked up my best pleasant tone and cleared my throat. "Good morning, darling!"
Rustling on the other end. "Oh. Good morning, I guess. Did you need something?"
'I guess?' 'Did you need something?' What am I, her parole officer? "Well, I saw that you called me last night. Is… something the matter?"
Silence. Light breathing, but unmistakably, masked by a hoof. Well, if anything, she forgot she did that and didn't mean to.
"Oh! I, um… I did, didn't I? Haha, it was… a mistake, I'm sorry mother. I… hope I didn't worry you."
Now that is a heaping pile of rubbish. "Pearl, darling, you know you can call me whenever you need to, right?"
"O-of course! I, um… I really didn't mean to, honest! Just… just forget about it, please?"
Panic? Oh, no, no, no, no, no! There will be no forgetting, and you certainly meant to do it! However… pressing here isn't likely to get me anywhere. If I want the truth… I know who I'll get it from.
"Very well then. But… don't hesitate to tell me something if you need to, okay dear?"
"Um… riiiiight. I need to get ready for school and I'm sure you're busy so… I'll… talk to you later, I guess."
What is this skeptical tone? Does she not believe me? "Of course, darling. Have a good day!"
"Y-you too…"
Click.
I frowned at the device. Two minutes. That's the most I've spoken to her since I left for Manehattan Tuesday. A deep, bone-aching sigh exited me and filled my studio. Not only does she not believe I care, but she doesn't want me to know about it either. Is it because she doesn't trust me? Or does she have an idea about how I would react, and would rather I never found out?
A chill ran up my spine and I shivered. I pray to the Goddess it's nothing like when I first told my own mother about her. Like mother, like daughter, as they say…
"She did what!?"
Applejack sighed over the line. "She called me late after school yesterday, and Ah picked her up with most of her mane and tail cut off. How many times Ah gotta tell ya that?"
“As many times as it takes to make sense! I just don’t understand why…” Why would Pearl cut her hair? Why would she do it herself? Or… did she do it herself? “Applejack, did she say anything about it?”
“Not particularly. It’s not like Ah didn’t attempt ta pry, she might as well be one of my own, but… Ah’m not sure. Yer girl ain’t all that talkative ta begin with.”
So she isn’t. Surely, that’s a trait from her father, not that he knows she exists. “Any ideas?”
Though I couldn’t see her, I’m certain Applejack shrugged. “An educated guess would say she’s either bein’ bullied, or she’s in desperate need of somepony’s attention. Ah interrogated Cider and Stout yesterday ta see if they knew anythin’, but either they’re hidin’ what they know, or they don’t know anythin’. Ah talked it over with the boys, and Fin’s leanin’ on the bullyin’ angle, but Whiskey says somethin’ about that ain’t right. Either way, Ah’m thinkin’ both might be right.”
Both? “What makes you say that? Would your husband not be the one to lean toward here?” Fin Sharp, the stallion that hooked Applejack’s heart, was Military Police before he wandered into Ponyville. After a very short month of dating, they paired off and made like apples do and added branches to the tree in quick succession. These days, they have six of their own little apples, and Fin works as a detective for Ponyville PD when he’s not working at the orchard. Much like my best friend, Fin has quite the intuition and is very good at getting into other ponies’ heads.
“While Ah agree that Fin’s good at what he does, that stallion can’t hardly tell what’s goin’ in his own little girl’s heads, let alone yours. Ain’t the kinda crazy he’s used ta dealin’ with. ‘Teenage fillies are scarier than any insane murderer,’ or so he says. He ain’t wrong, but that’s exactly why Ah think there’s more than one piece ta whatever’s goin’ on with Pearl.”
I clicked my tongue. “That is a very ‘Fin’ thing to say, isn’t it?”
“Sure is.”
“Yes, I do believe he’s right.” I took a deep breath and let it out. “Well, it looks like I’ll be home a day early this week. I’ll have to get Sassy or Coco to cover for me, but this shouldn’t be anything too problematic… Bah, no matter. I’ll be on the next flight to Ponyville.”
“Great. Ah’m sure it’ll at least do her some good ta have her mother around fer a little while,” Applejack snickered.
“Can you feel me glaring at you? In the event you can’t, you should know that I’m glaring at you.”
She laughed harder. “Oh, sure, Ah can feel it, Rares.”
“Oh, geez, I’m sorry Ms. Belle. Did I do somethin’ wrong?” Red called from behind me.
Applejack stopped laughing.
I sighed. “I’m on the phone, Red.”
He nodded slowly, then quickly, threw a hoof up to say ‘okay,’ then went toward the bathroom with his finely toned glutes swaying hypnotically away as they did. Mama’s still got it.
“Consarnit, Rarity! This is exactly how ya got yerself inta this mess in the first place! You’re thirty-eight years old, how long are ya gonna keep pretendin’ you’re still a teenager!? Ah swear, every time…”
Yes, indeed. Every time. He always wakes up… when I’m on the phone with you. Best friends.
“Thanks for picking me up, Fin,” I said as I pulled open the door to his red pickup truck. Ever since that portal to the human world was opened and Twilight started introducing their technology to our scientists, the world received a significant upgrade to our technological capabilities. From radios, to televisions, to computers. From trains, to cars, to planes. From unicorn magic, to cellular devices. I was a teenager when I first met Twilight, and I always imagined she could go on to do great things. Advancing the world from an industrial age to an information age in ten years, however, wasn’t one of them.
The lime green stallion nodded. “Not a problem, Rares. It’s probably better that it’s me instead of her anyways. She’s still pissed off at ya.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course she is. Not that that’s anything new.”
Fin snorted. “Sounds about right. How old was this one?”
I made an irritated noise and turned toward the window. “Ugh. Please, Fin, that’s hardly a question you should be asking.”
He narrowed his eyes at me for a second, then started the truck. “Can I make an… educated guess?”
“No.”
“Early twenties, looked like Whiskey or my brother in law about two decades ago?”
I felt bile build up in the back of my throat. “I said no, damn it!” ‘Looked like Whiskey.’ Ugh. I was there when he was born almost seventeen years ago. Not that… Fin is wrong, because he never is, but that just makes all of this so much worse. I gagged.
“Oh, so he was a handsome young stallion, eh? Are you what the kids would call, a ‘milf?’”
Every inch of my being twisted in revulsion. “Okay, okay, I did a bad thing, are you happy now!? Ugh, goddess. How disgusting.” I crossed my forelegs and tried to console my appalled shaking just from hearing that word.
He chuckled and his smile was just as easy as it always was. “A little bit.”
I wanted to hit him. Now my memories of last night were transposing Whiskey over Red and every fiber of my being rejected that image. He used to be a little colt! I held him when he was just a foal! It’s all so wrong. And I know that she had him do this on purpose! I puffed air out of my snout and glared at the smiley, orange-eyed stallion. “She put you up to this, didn’t she?”
He held a hoof out and shifted into gear. “Guilty as charged, I’m afraid. Ya know she-”
“Yes, yes, I know exactly what she hates about me. Forgive me sister, for I have sinned. Let’s just get this over with. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she likes the sound of her own voice.”
Fin nodded and pulled out of the airport parking lot. “You and me both, Rares.”
Ponyville has changed quite a bit in the last two decades. When I first arrived in this small town looking for a cheap place to live and a little building that I could start a business in, there was one railway and a hamlet’s worth of houses. The population couldn’t have been more than a few hundred, and Filthy Rich was the wealthiest stallion for miles.
Now, Ponyville is one of the biggest cities in the state and nearly as big as Canterlot. A princess’s castle and home to one of the four monarchy, alongside one of the first towns to build a cellular tower. In twenty-five years, it went from nothing to a state capital. A record for the history books, one of the many things to put on the shelf of Princess Twilight’s accomplishments.
Given a decade, Ponyville could possibly be the largest city in Equestria. Though, I suspect that this level of growth is unsustainable. Fin is employed because, as the more ponies there are, the higher chance of running into somepony crazy there is. One percent out of a hundred is just that, one. One percent of a million is ten thousand. The crime rate here is remarkably low for the size of this city, but it’s not zero percent. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from Fin, and I’m no stranger to the dark side of Manehattan. Sometimes, the world can be a scary place.
“So…” Fin began.
“So…?” I asked.
“I’ve got a bet with my boy going on, and I have to ask…”
I frowned. “Have to ask what?”
“What do ya think is going on with Pearl? I… know about some awful things that happen at middle schools and high schools with fillies her age and… it concerns me. Ya know, she loved her mane.”
“Of course I know that! That’s why I just… can’t understand this. She would always ask me to style it every time I had a free moment. She loved the way I had my mane curled back when I was younger, but her mane is so thick that I could only ever match Sweetie’s mane from ages ago. It was… never exactly my best work, but she always loved to see it finished… hug me and tell me I’m the best…”
I let my head fall back on the seat and my eyes drift toward the window. “What happened to my little girl, Fin? This is my fault, isn’t it? “
Fin scratched at his short blond-white beard. “Oh, geez Rares, that’s uh… that’s more my wife’s territory.”
“Yes, the mare who raised two families from age eight has all the answers for this particular subject. But I know what she’ll tell me because I’ve heard it a thousand times. ‘Stop being on the move all the time, take some time off to spend with Pearl, try to find somepony my age who wants to be her father.’ I can’t do that. I have chain stores in three major cities, I am the creative force behind it, and I’m the only one who knows all the ponies who buy and promote what I sell! Nopony else can do my job, and I love doing my job! Is that a bad thing?”
Fin let out a breath. “You’re really gonna make me do it, aren’t’cha?”
I raised a brow and laid a lazy eye on him. “Come now Fin, you’ve known me for almost eighteen years now.”
“Fine. Three things: One, you blame yourself for things that, considering who her father is, are only partially your fault. Kids need two parents and a family unit. What happened to you is far from uncommon with those types of stallions, and while ya shouldn’t have done it in the first place, you were taken advantage of all the same.
“Two, Jackie is always right. Even when she’s wrong. If ya really care about Pearl, ya should do pretty much all of that. Ya love your job, which is great, but she is also your job, and you'd do well to remember that. You know this, and I know you’ve tried and failed several times, but that doesn’t mean ya should stop trying. You talk about ‘needing your own Spike’ all the time, maybe you should look into hiring an assistant so that you can at least be home for more of the week than ya aren’t. I never pegged ya for the marriage type, I’m sure you didn’t either, but it may be something to consider, at least while she’s at such a tender age.
“Three, we still haven’t heard it from the horse’s mouth. She won’t talk to any of us, so we don’t actually know what’s goin’ on with Pearl. It could be your fault, it could be related to some external factor that we don’t know about. I think it is. Jackie thinks it’s more than that.
“Jackie is right, even when she’s not, so one way or another, you’re gonna have to sort this out. And if doing so requires that you make sacrifices for your daughter, then you need to be ready to do that. It’s not her fault she was born, it’s yours, so you get to take care of her.”
I put my elbow on the center console and rested my cheek on my hoof. “I should’ve just waited for Applejack. Her rebukes are laden with spite and far easier to disregard.”
“I try to be nice when I can. I’ve seen enough of the gross side of ponies. This whole ordeal has the stench of a case on it, and I’d like to prevent that if possible. Pearl’s a good filly with a life ahead of her. She just needs a little help getting along right now from the one pony she trusts more than anypony else.”
Another sigh and I leaned myself against the truck’s window. I suppose if there’s a day to stop being a bad mother, it might as well be today. Thirteen years is enough time, isn’t it?
Nerves started to settle in my withers. Here I am, in my best friend’s house, trying to console my daughter, who’s holed herself up in the place she feels the safest. Not in my house, not in our house, but in a loud house filled with friends and family that care. And who could blame her? Nopony is ever at our house but her.
This is my fault, isn’t it? She doesn’t want to see me because I’m the source of her problems. I should… I should just-
Without warning, Applejack kicked me forward. “Will y’all get over there and say somethin’ already, damn it? Quit pussyfootin’ around and take care of her!”
“Excuse you! I am trying to think here! I don’t even know where to begin with this! I’m sorry I didn’t spend all my life raising families to be perfect at this like you are!”
A vein bubbled to the surface of Applejack’s forehead, and just before she took a step toward me, Fin interjected.
“Now hold on a minute there, Jackie. Don’t say something ya don’t mean, don’t do something you’ll regret, alright?”
She looked the stallion dead in the eyes as he tried desperately to maintain the composure that had been beaten into him after years of gruesome work, and eventually, it won out.
Applejack took a breath. “It’s not as if Ah asked fer the life Ah was given. Ah am not perfect. Ah do not have all the right answers. My family is only the way it is because we all make an effort ta keep it like this, not just me. The kids behave, the husband provides, and the mother ‘lords over the domain,’ ta put it in Celestia’s terms. My family works because it is my family, and it works because we all work in it.
“She is yer family. Ah only get as frustrated as Ah do at the both of ya,” she raised her voice to make sure that one went through the door, “Because Ah see these problems, and Ah think y’all could fix ‘em if ya’d just spend some time with each other. Ya’d think that after all the years we spent together solvin’ friendship problems in our teens it would’ve taught ya somethin’, but we wouldn’t be ponies if anythin’ we ever learned stuck, now would we?”
She let out that breath and turned away. “Ah’m gonna go outside and do some extra work ta let off some steam.” She made it to the end of the bedroom hall, then glared a single, piercing green eye at me. “This had better be resolved by the time Ah get back.” And with that, she left the building with a hearty slam of the door on her way out.
Fin let out a breath, and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Goddess, Rarity. You’d best be glad she loves ya the way she does. This could’ve turned into a crime scene real quick.”
I shivered. “You’re telling me. I’ve never seen her that angry with me.”
“Eighteen years and I’ve never seen her that angry in general.” Fin leaned against the door to ‘Pearl’s room’ and knocked on it. “Pearl? Sugarcube? If you value your mother’s life, please open this door.”
Slowly, shakily, we heard hooves clack against the wood floors of the farmhouse. The door clicked unlocked, then those hooves bolted away and hopped onto something soft.
“That’s a mare that puts the fear of the Goddess in ya, I tell ya what.” Fin shivered. “I’m gonna go keep her company so that you live to see tomorrow. Shoot me a text when you’ve got this figured out.” He put a hoof on my shoulder, winked, then made his way after the demon he calls ‘wife.’
Well, there’s little else that could scare me like that, so I might as well go in. I opened the door to a dark room with daylight trying very hard to pierce through dark curtains and not doing a very good job of it. A huddled mass quaked underneath bed sheets, not even a horn poking out to signify who was under here. Oh, Darling. What could’ve frightened you so?
An instinct told me that going right after the issue wasn’t the correct way to approach this, so instead, I sat next to the shaking lump and gently stroked it while I hummed a lullaby. It was one mother taught me shortly after her fury died down while I was pregnant. I remembered hearing it when I was little, but I could never figure out how it went. Without fail, it always managed to calm me down, and it never failed to put Pearl to sleep when she was just a foal. A little magic trick that only mothers seem to know.
After a while, the shaking stopped. Eventually, a snout poked out from under the sheet. “Mom?”
“Yes, Pearl darling, I’m here.”
“Who is… my father?”
Well, there goes the wind out of my sails. This is most certainly my fault. Again, the instinct made me want to get more information before I gave anything out. “What makes you ask?”
The sheet moved a little further, and a horn and eyes followed the snout out. A bright white coat, pale blue eyes, the high cheeks and horn pattern of aristocracy. Her face resembles her father. Get too close to her and you might just see him in her. Easy to do when you’re a celebrity.
“Well… There’s somepony at school who… who really doesn’t like me.”
I don’t like where this is going… “And… why is that, darling?”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I’d never said two words to her before yesterday…” she sniffed. “She… she came to me after school. I… I tried to be polite like you always said to, but she grabbed my hoof and she wouldn’t let go. S-she dragged me to the bathroom and threw me at a wall.” The little filly wiped at her eyes and sniffed and swallowed.
I caught a glimpse of what had become of her mane and nearly lost my composure. It had been cut down all the way to her coat. Only little strands of light blue were dotting the top of her head. Another piece of her father, but I never minded that one! Her mane was always so gorgeous and thick! I got my father’s mane, and just like him, I’m likely to go bald by the time I’m sixty.
“S-she said, ‘It’s your fault that my parents don’t like each other anymore! You’re the bastard that made my mom hate my dad, aren’t you!?’ I didn’t know why she was yelling or why she was being mean to me. I asked her why, but she just said, ‘Your mom is Rarity Belle, right? You’re Pearl Belle, aren’t you?’ I… I didn’t wanna lie because Auntie Applejack always says that’s bad, so I said yes, but… but then she…”
The tears started to flow and Pearl covered her eyes. “S-she pinned me down and she cut my mane off! I couldn’t fight back, she was bigger than me, and I-I, and she kept yelling about how I shouldn’t exist and that I ruined her life! S-so now she was gonna ruin mine! Why would she do this to me!? I don’t even know her! Mommy!”
Pearl leapt from under her sheets and into my hooves and cried her heart out into my chest. I stroked what little remained of her mane and surveyed the damage while I let her cry. It would be months before her mane would even be at a respectable length again, and this girl is… unlikely to stop terrorizing my poor little Pearl.
Well, congratulations, Applejack. This is partially my fault, and It’s partially her father’s fault. I knew he got divorced recently after so many years with Fleur, but was it over Pearl? Did I destroy another family? No, we did. I didn’t even realize he was married at the time, I was just trying to finance my dream. So desperate to finally have that prime location in Manehattan, so desperate to spread my influence and rise in the world of fashion, I… traded something precious for the power and the money. I got what I wanted and now, they suffer for it.
A deep, bone-aching sigh exited my body and I nuzzled my baby. “It’s alright Pearl, everything will be okay. You didn’t do anything wrong. None of this is your fault. This is… this is my fault.”
After Pearl had stopped crying, I decided that I should take her home, to our house. Though Applejack and Fin have been wonderful throughout all my years attempting to raise Pearl alone, this… is a story that she needs to hear from me, and… just me. I’ve relied on my friends and family all this time, but… looking back, I’m beginning to suspect that I used them as a way to avoid trying to face my baby myself.
I always get so anxious, thinking that any move I make will be wrong and that no matter what I do she’ll end up repeating my mistakes. I simply don’t know Pearl well enough to think otherwise, and that… would be the crux of it, wouldn’t it? I hardly know my daughter. I’m afraid of who she might become because of my bad influence. Even worse, I believe that I am a bad influence on my own daughter.
She really is right, even when she’s not. I try to make sure Pearl sees my friends and just how much better parents they’ve all become and stay away from her myself because I want nothing more than for her to not turn out like me. So many mistakes, so many bad decisions, none of them anything I would want for my baby.
But, as it turns out, even that, is a mistake. I shouldn’t be trying to push her onto others, I shouldn’t be running away from my most important responsibility, and I shouldn’t be hiding from the one pony I love more than anypony else in the world.
After Applejack apologized for yelling, though I really did need that push to move forward, she offered to drive us back. The truck was silent, save for the occasional swear from the driver about the other drivers on the road. Unease floated in the air, and I couldn’t bring myself to look her in the eyes. How malicious could this other filly have been to plan to cut Pearl’s mane off? Where were the teachers? Why didn’t anypony stop them? Doesn’t pearl know any magic?
I bit into my lip. I should know these things. I’m her mother, for goddess sake! I don’t even know if she can use any magic beyond a basic degree! How did I let it get this far? What a mess this has turned out to be…
When we arrived, I told Pearl to go inside and get washed up. A shower always makes me feel better in the morning after, maybe it works for everypony. If nothing else, it would give me time to think a little longer before I finally have to face her.
What am I going to say? What am I going to do? Do I… do I get into the details of what I’ve been doing? Do I… do I try to explain how taxing my job is and that sometimes, I just… need a release? Or… maybe do I just start with Fancy Pants and try to go on from there? She… she deserves to know the truth, but what if she wants to meet him? That bridge has long been burned, would he even be willing to see us? Would I want him around my Pearl? I know what he is, if I’m a bad influence on her, Fancy would certainly be far, far worse. Maybe-
“Rarity?”
A hoof on my shoulder and the concerned eyes of a friend broke through my cloud of doubt. Remembering an old trick, I put a hoof on my chest and steadied my breath. “Thank you.”
Applejack nodded. “It’s alright. That’s what friends are for, aren’t they?”
I put my hoof on hers and nodded. “Right.” I let out a nervous chuckle. “That one stuck, didn’t it?”
“Ah suppose it did.” Applejack put her hoof back on the wheel. We silently watched Pearl enter my house, motioning her to go on ahead when she looked back to us for some kind of signal. Once the door shut, Applejack took a deep breath.
“Rarity?”
Slowly, I turned. “Yes?”
“What Ah’m a bout ta say doesn’t leave this truck, ya hear?”
I frowned. “Are… are you sure you want to do that? You know me.”
She nodded. “Oh, Ah do, which is why Ah say that.” She took a deep breath. “When Ah met Fin, Ah was… well, let’s just say, ‘not in a good place.’ Ah… don’t typically like ta confide in other ponies very often, and when Ah do, it’s… usually ta you.”
“Oh, darling, I-”
She held a hoof up. “Don’t interrupt, this ain’t a nice story.”
I leaned back and crossed my hooves. “Very well then, go on.”
“You… weren’t around fer me ta… ta vent ta, and this was in the early days of radio communication, so Ah couldn’t even call ya without goin’ through a third party, and Ah wasn’t willin’ ta do that.”
“Because you wouldn’t, I know this.”
She nodded. “Right. So, that was around the time Mac met Sugarbelle, and Ah saw it the first time they were together. They were made fer each other, ya know?”
“Yes, they were, weren’t they?” I remember the wedding, and it was simply splendid. Him fumbling over his words in the best way he could to speak his vows, her delightful laughing and loving smile. A wonderful pair of a shy stallion and a lovely mare, a match made in heaven that went on to produce a large and prosperous family of berry colored apples. If I remember correctly, that was… Eighteen years ago? Goodness, how time flies.
“Well… Ah was… less than happy about it.”
“You were?”
“Ah was. Ah was mad. Mac left every other day ta be with her, givin’ me and Applebloom all his extra work while Granny was startin’ ta show the early signs of her Alzheimer’s settin’ in. It was more than inconvenient, it felt like he was bein’ irresponsible, just… goin’ off doin’ whatever the hell he felt like, leavin’ me ta take care of this crumblin’ old apple orchard alone! Ah was furious! But… Ah… just didn’t have it in me ta say anythin’ about it.
“This was the first time Ah’d ever seen him so happy since Pa died. We all suffered from that, but Mac… Mac practically stopped speakin’ all together after that. It was nice ta see him, not only talkin’, but tryin’ ta show affection with his words again. So… rather than… air out my problems with him, Ah did what Pa used ta do, and went ta the bottle.”
I raised a brow. “You? Drinking? I know we used to have those cider parties, but I never thought…”
Applejack shook her head. “Me neither. Pa had a temper when he got sauced, and though he only ever took it out on us once, he wasn’t much of a drinker before Ma passed either. Mac and Ah said we would never drink after it happened, and Pa was so sorry about it that he threw out all the alcohol in the house the next day, but… Ah suppose it’s just somethin’ that runs in Apple blood.
“Anyway, that’s another story. Like father, like daughter, Ah got upset and depressed, Ah vented it with alcohol, and one night, Ah’d ran out of my own supply. Ah hid all this from Mac, so it wasn’t like Ah could go inta the house or start drinkin’ the cider that kept us afloat, especially since he wasn’t around ta work as often, so… Ah… made a life changin’ decision.”
And then, it clicked. “Oh sweet Goddess.”
She nodded. “That’s why his name is Whiskey.”
“You… you really…?”
“Fin wasn’t even supposed ta be in Ponyville that night. When we tell ponies he wandered inta town, we mean it. He got lost tryin’ ta make it ta the Appaloosa base and wound up here thanks ta takin’ the wrong train. With nothin’ better ta do and the next train ta Appaloosa not comin’ in for three days, he rented a place ta stay and spent his free time at the bar. One thing led ta another, and Ah woke up the next day in his bed.”
She leaned back in the seat and put her hooves over her eyes. “Ah was so ashamed of myself that Ah didn’t even get his name before Ah ran back home. A complete stranger. A drunken night. Mac was off preparin’ ta get married and Ah… Ah just gave myself away ta some stallion Ah didn’t even know because Ah was upset about losin’ my brother ta some other mare. And, of course, when it rains, it pours, Ah found out about Whiskey not but a week later.”
“Oh, Applejack…”
She shook her head. “Ah didn’t know what ta do. Ah was lost and confused and Ah didn’t have anypony ta turn ta. Granny was losin’ it, Ah couldn’t bring myself ta tell Mac what Ah’d done, Ah kept it a secret from everypony Ah knew, and y’all were… Off, livin’ yer life, makin’ yer dream real.”
She took a deep breath and let her hooves fall into her lap. “After a few weeks, Ah… started ta get desperate and… Ah went ta a dark place.”
I nearly gasped. I had to hold my breath. Of all the ponies I knew, Applejack was somepony I never believed would even consider…
“Ah knew what it was. Ah knew Ah was about ta have somepony commit a murder in me. Ah couldn’t bring myself ta do it. A little somethin’ in my head kept tellin’ me it wasn’t right, the baby doesn’t get a say in this, it’s not fair. This was my fault, it was my decision, not his. Then Ah… Ah considered givin’ up entirely. If Ah… If Ah took us both together, at least… at least he wouldn’t be motherless.”
She swallowed and shuddered through tears. “If… If Fin hadn’t come back… If he just left and never tried ta find me again, Ah don’t know that Ah’d be here talkin’ ta ya right now. That stallion is more than Ah deserve. He caught me the day Ah was gonna do it. Said, ‘Well hey there beautiful. Ah’ve been lookin’ all over for ya.’ It was just some cheesy pickup line, but it was everythin’ Ah needed and more.
“He… he saved my life. He saved his son’s life. He just wanted ta get ta know me and Ah unloaded everythin’ on him the moment Ah got a chance. And…” She wiped at her eyes, and a slight smirk crept up her face. “He said a very ‘Fin’ thing ta say. ‘Ah suppose Ah don’t have any real plans for my life. Why not? Let’s raise him together. Ah’m Fin, by the way.’”
She let out a breath, steadied herself, and then looked me in the eyes. “That’s… why Ah just blew up on ya earlier. Y’all… Ya kept her anyways. Ya didn’t even consider throwin’ her life away, and ya made the decision ta raise her yerself, knowin’ that ya had no idea how ta do it. Ah didn’t have it in me ta do that, and Ah’m yer idea of a perfect mother? You’re so full of shit Rarity, ya don’t even know it.
“You can do this. Ya’ve been doin’ it all this time, and there’s not a day that goes by where that little filly ain’t the first thing on yer mind. You’re doin’ the best ya can, whatever ya think is best fer her, and ya can’t even see that. There is no right way ta do this. No guide ta life, no manual that tells ya how it works. We learn from trial and error, we observe history ta learn lessons the ponies before us took ta heart, and try ta figure it out ourselves from there.
“So don’t you dare call me perfect. We just look like we know because we’ve got somepony else ta lean on.”
I threw myself at the mare. “Oh, Ap-ple-jack! I never knew! Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve helped you if I could have, you shouldn’t have suffered like that alone!”
She sighed and patted my shoulder. “Ah know ya would’ve, Rare. And that’s why Ah didn’t wanna bother ya. Ya were off followin’ yer dreams, Ah didn’t want ya bogged down in my mistake while ya were so close ta gettin’ everythin’ ya ever wanted.”
I wiped at my own eyes and huffed. “Talk about never learning, hmph. You should’ve known better.”
“Ah know. Takes a few tries ta get it ta stick. We’re… just ponies, after all.” She unlocked the doors and pointed at the front door to my house. “Now go in there and say everythin’ ya need ta say. That was the past, this is now. We can’t fix mistakes already made, but we can at least try ta make the future better.”
I let out a breath and let my head fall to the side. “Ffffffffine. I… suppose after that, I really can’t back out of this, can I?”
She chuckled. “It’s about thirteen years too late ta back out of this now, ain’t it?”
“It… certainly is. However!” I raised a hoof, then put it inches from Applejack’s snout. “You are not quite off the hook just yet young lady!”
“Ah haven’t been a ‘young lady’ in twenty years.”
“I want to have a thorough discussion with you about all of this! Whiskey, Cider, Stout, Gin, Draft and Craft… I’ve always found it odd that their names all seem so unusual for Apple family names, and you’re not telling me things!”
She rolled her eyes and leaned her elbow against the window. “Get outta my car.”
“Oh, I most certainly will! You’d better have tomorrow free!”
I opened the truck door and she shooed me away. “We’ll see. Now go on, git.”
There wasn’t any sound when I entered my house, and that set off warning bells in my head. I raced up to the second-floor bathroom and knocked. “Pearl, darling? Are you okay in there?”
“Uh-huh,” came from behind the bathroom door. A breath left me unbidden. A number of stories from Fin, and Applejack’s story just now brought up the idea that she might take drastic measures here.
“Good, good.” Well, she’s alive. Now what? I’ve not eaten much and it’s nearly lunchtime. Maybe a meal will make this easier to get through. “Pearl, darling, um… what would you like for lunch? Perhaps we can make something together!”
Silence. A slight shift in water. “Could… could we make a pizza?”
Ugh, pizza? I’m already overweight as it is, just think of how- Stop, stop. This isn’t about you. “Of course, darling. I’ll go get started on that, let me know when you’re done in there, okay?”
“Yes ma’am.”
And so, off I went, looking through the house to see if there was anything in the pantry, or the fridge. Unsurprisingly, there was enough breakfast cereal to feed a small army in the pantry, a little bit of milk that was near running out in the fridge, and… effectively nothing else but condiments.
Right. It looks like we’ll be going grocery shopping first. Gah! What will I do about her mane? She can’t go out like that! Do I have a wig at the house? Ooh! This is part of the problem! I barely live here! I really do need to take some time off and sort out my life. No wonder she went to Applejack, there’s at least the guarantee of food at the orchard.
A door upstairs opened, and little Pearl came out in a towel. “Uh, change of plans darling. There’s no food in the house, so it looks like we’ll need to go to the market before we can make much of anything.”
“Okay,” she said, placidly. Then her ears shot up. “Oh! Oh…” One of her hooves reached for her mane and her lip quivered.
Bah! Now look what you’ve done! Why can’t you ever do this right? “Uh, I- Um… a wig! Or a hat! We can… we can just cover that right up and nopony will know the difference.”
She looked at me from up there, and I could swear that somehow, even now, the distance between us was growing. “Right. I’ll be in my room, I guess…” and away she slunk.
Oh, I certainly hope I have a wig here. I’ll shave my tail before I make her go out like that, but I’m far too afraid of what she might do if I leave her alone right now. Why does it feel like everything I do comes across as wrong? I can never tell what’s going on in that little head of hers. Whether or not she knows it, she’s just as good as Fancy always was about hiding his emotions. Just… give me a sign, will you?
I never found a wig. Keeping to my word, I shaved my tail down and made one for her out of that. It looks gross, makes us look like rats, but, at least we match now. For a minute there, I think I saw Pearl smile, if only just the slightest hints of one. More than nothing, at least.
We went out, taking my little car around Ponyville trying to find what I needed to make a pizza and stock up for a week or two now that my plans have changed. I had to take a call to talk to one of my partners about a design for the upcoming summer line I’m supposed to finish in the next two weeks, and Pearl gave me a dirty look. She hid it very well, but I caught a glimpse of it.
Spite and ire and hate, all present in an instance, and gone the next. Yes, a very good actress. She seemed happy enough to be picking things out as we went about our day, but I suppose being free of school and this… half sister of hers would do that. She cried to me, she confided in me, so she must feel at least a little comfortable in my presence, but I… I just don’t know if that’s enough.
We didn’t say much. Just a few words about what to make for what day of the week, picking out things she likes and things I suspect I’ll be eating while I stress over her or work, or whatever it is I’ll do in the next few days. Time management will be key here, but where will I put it all? Do I have enough hours in the day to work and take care of her? I don’t think I ever have, at least not alone.
Mother and Father, or Applejack, or Pinkie, or Rainbow, or Fluttershy, they’ve always been around to help me when I needed to get something done. They were always convenient and happy to help, but I that’s part of what got me here in the first place, isn't it? If I have to make sacrifices… then that’s what I’ll do.
After returning home, watching a video, screwing up the dough once and then giving in and calling Pinkie, we finally got it right and made ourselves some poorly shaped pizzas. She smiled again, even laughed once when we realized that we were covered in flour. Our coats are so white that we couldn’t even tell until we sat down and a cloud puffed up about us.
“Remind me to make us some colored aprons for next time,” I said.
“Okay, sure. Uh… there’s… gonna be a ‘next time?’” Pearl asked.
I reared back. “Of course! Why wouldn’t there be?”
“Oh! Well… I um… I didn’t think you liked pizza… or would be home for much longer…”
That made me pause. It’s one thing to expect me not to be home, but… if she knew I didn’t care for this, then why…? “Pearl?”
“Yes?” she wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Did you ask for this knowing full well that I’m not a fan of pizza?”
“N-no…”
I put my hooves on my hips. “Pearl Belle, do not lie to me.”
She cowered, my violet curls shook on her head. “W-well, maybe…”
“Pearl!”
“Okay! I did, geez!”
“Why?”
Pearl clasped her hooves together and pressed her snout against them. “Because… because I just didn’t know what to expect, okay? You’re never here. And even when you are here, you’re always talking to somepony about work, and then you leave for a week.” She clicked her hooves together. “I just… wanted to see what you’d do.”
Now… very different alarm bells were going off in my head. This is… wrong. This whole situation. Something… something doesn’t fit. “Pearl… what was the name of this other filly?”
“Lux De Lis.”
Even the tone in which she said the name of her ‘attacker’ didn’t sound right. It’s… too familiar. She says it casually. Not with hate or fear in her voice, like a real bully, but like this is somepony she knows. Not that I would know, I’m barely around, as she says.
“So… you know her name?”
“We’re in the same class, why wouldn’t I? I know everypony’s name.” Now, it’s almost as if she’s irritated with me for asking.
“Oddly defensive about that, aren’t we?” I crossed my hind and forelegs.
“I am not!”
Oh. Oh. I see what this is. This is why Applejack and Whiskey don’t think Fin is on the mark here. Teenage fillies are scary.
“Now, now, darling, we’re just having a casual conversation, aren’t we? No need to yell.”
She bit into her lip and looked down. “I’m not… yelling…”
“Mmhmm. Tell me something Pearl, what does this ‘Lux de Lis’ look like?”
Pearl swallowed. “W-well… she has a curly blue mane with pink streaks in it, a, um… a white-pink coat, and she’s… she’s got a horn like mine, and she has pink eyes. Why do you ask?”
“Oh, I’m simply trying to make sure I have the right pony. After all, she assaulted you based on your account, we’ll be taking her and her mother to court over this.”
“W-what!? Why!?” I found my phone on the other side of the kitchen and brought it to me with my magic. Calmly, I went to the Contactbook website and found Fleur’s page.
“Well, it’s a crime, darling. She could have hurt you. Were she a boy, who knows what she would’ve done to you. We can’t simply let her off the hook for this.”
Pearl froze. “B-but! I… she… we can’t!”
I put my elbow on my knee and my hoof under my chin. Caught. “And… why is that, my darling? She attacked you, didn’t she? Surely she must be punished for forcibly shaving off your beautiful mane and tail.” I took my free hoof and played with my curls sitting so nicely on Pearl’s head.
She backed away from me and stood up. “Okay, fine!” She let out a breath and let her rear fall to the ground. “I… I asked her to do it.”
I raised a brow. “Did you now? And why is that?”
“Because… because I miss you.”
Like an arrow through the heart, the words pierced me. Hurk! Ow, ow, ow. Ooh, I knew it was coming, but by the Goddess, I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.
“I… I wanted to see you, but there’s always something you have to do first, and then you forget to call me back, or even forget that we talked at all! You’re never here anymore, and even when you are, you’re always working, and you don’t spend any time with me! You… you always look at me like you’re afraid of me, and I… I don’t know how to make it stop! Why did… why didn’t you tell me I had a sister?”
Yep. That’s where this was going. That’s what this is all about. “Alright, alright let’s just… take a minute here and establish what happened. You already know who your father is, don’t you?”
Pearl nodded. “Fancy Pants, the real-estate tycoon in Canterlot. It… it is him, right?”
“That is correct. And you came by this information from…?”
“Well, Lux told me. Ponies always tell us that we look really similar. That we look like Cider and Stout do, but for each other. I didn’t really think much of it until somepony put our pictures next to each other. My horn doesn’t look like yours, but it does look like hers. As a matter of fact, a lot of my face looks like hers. I’m short and wide like you are, and she’s tall and slender like her mom.”
Ow. Short and wide? Short and wide!? I know it’s true, but coming from my baby? Short and wide?
“So, one day, she decided to show me a picture of her dad and well… it’s really obvious that he’s my dad too.”
I sighed and nodded. “It… most certainly is. Mane, horn, face. You are definitely the product of ‘high quality stock’ as they say. He comes from old money in Canterlot that can be traced all the way back to Unicornia. And we… short and wide ponies come from intermingling with non-unicorns.”
“And well… that was when we made the plan.”
I tilted my head. “To…?”
“To get you to come home and to get her dad to come visit. We… we thought that if we did something that made you think we were in trouble, that you would come back to see us. So we came up with the story, and we shaved our manes and tails, and we tried it out. But, uh… Lux’s dad never responded to her, and her mom didn’t buy it at all. After she got found out as fast as she did, I… almost didn’t bother calling you. Then I overheard auntie Applejack say she was calling you, and I… I don’t know. I panicked. But… you didn’t pickup.”
“Darling…”
“When you called me this morning, I… didn’t really know what to think. I… I’m not sure if you actually care, I don’t know if you like me more than you like work, so I… I just wanted this to go away. It felt bad enough that I shaved my mane for nothing, I… I didn’t want you to even see me like this.”
Tired had seeped its way into my body and let out an exhausted breath. I took my filly in my magic and brought her to my lap. “Pearl, darling, you must know that I would do anything for you, don’t you?”
She turned away. “I don’t know that. I’m never sure what you’ll do because I never know what you’re thinking. Some design this, some dress that, some store this, this many bits that, all you ever do is talk about work! You’ve skipped out on every school play, you never came to any of my concerts, do you even know that I play for the school orchestra?”
“You do?”
“Yes! I play piano!”
Hmm. Another talented musician in the family? We’ve never been quite sure what Pearl’s cutiemark means. “Well, that explains last month’s private lessons charge I found on my card… But, hold on just a moment. Did you tell me about any of this?”
She rolled her eyes and threw a hoof up. “I tried to! But you’re always on the phone with somepony! You never stop talking, so I never get a chance!” She backed out of my lap and stood in front of me. “Even when you’re here, you’re not really here. And when you do try to talk to me, you say like five words, and then go look for something else to do! Why… why don’t you look at me the way you did earlier, all the time?
“I practiced that stupid crying confession over and over again until I had it all down, and… well, after I wasn’t sure if auntie Applejack was gonna kill you or not, I was… maybe sort of really afraid I did something really bad. But you sang and you held me and… and you were really there.” Pearl sat down and put one of her forehooves on her elbows. “It… it was a lot like when I was little. When you were there all the time. What… what happened to that? Why aren’t you here anymore? Why… are you afraid of me?”
The big question. Why is it that I’m afraid of my own daughter? After all this time, I think… I finally have an answer. The oven beeped three times, signaling that it was heated to the right temperature. I clicked my tongue against my teeth.
“Well… I think it might be because… you’re just like me. And the one thing that I want more than anything else, is for you to turn out better than I did.” I stood, popped my neck, and then pulled open the oven door. “Now then, I am famished. The oven is ready, and we’ve already built the pizza.” I nodded. “After we eat, I’ll… I’ll tell you why it is that I don’t want you to become me. Does… that sound alright?”
Pearl blinked. “You… what?”
“Come now, that pizza is calling! We made it together, let’s put it in together.”
“Pearl, don’t speak with your mouth full. Surely at least somepony has taught you better manners than that.” It may not have been me, even if it should have, but everypony else I’ve pushed her onto would’ve likely done the same.
She rolled her eyes and swallowed her food. “Yes, mom.” At first, she smiled like she was making light with her friends. Then, she frowned, confused. “Huh. That’s… usually a joke. Why are we like this?”
I finished my second slice and shook my head. “The Goddess only knows. Supposedly, I take after my mother too, but she and I don’t exactly act very similar.”
Pearl looked to the ceiling with a hoof on her cheek. “No, no, I can see it. You and grandma have a lot of the same habits.”
I scrunched my snout. “Do we?”
She nodded. “Yeah. That, for instance, is one of those things that you do. Anytime grandpa points out something that she’s unaware of, she makes that face, like, exactly.”
I mulled that one over. Do I make the confused scrunchy face? Mother is so oblivious sometimes that Sweetie and I used to count how many times she did it in a day. I shivered. “Horrifying.”
Pearl reared back and raised a brow. A blue brow that didn’t match my curls on her head. Maybe we should color her eyebrows for the time being too… Her tail she can hide under a skirt or leggings or something, but that she can’t… “Horrifying? Why would you say that? Is… is there something bad about grandma?”
I shook my head. “Well… no, I suppose, but it’s… related to… this.” I gestured between us.
She tilted her head. “How so?”
I leaned back in my chair and sighed. “When I was… Oh, sixteen, maybe fifteen, my mother, your grandmother, and I got into a very large fight about what I wanted to do with my life.”
“Really?”
I nodded. “Oh, yes, we certainly did. Chairs were thrown, words were tossed in a most unpleasant manner, and it was… really something like a bad break up.”
“Wow. I didn’t know grandma could get mad like that.”
“At the time, neither did I. Your grandfather practically had to restrain us from going after each other, and for a while there, I didn’t speak to her.”
“What were you fighting about?”
I let out a breath. Oh, how innocent she is. “Pearl, I was… never a very good daughter. I treated both of my parents fairly poorly in my teens, in part because I was frustrated with how my cutiemark and what I wished I could do with my life didn’t line up, and in part that my parents had been right about that the whole time. When I was little, I had dreams of stardom. I wanted… to be somepony, you know?”
Pearl furrowed her brow. “But… aren’t you? I mean, most of the ponies I talk to know who you are. Even the ones I don’t know very well.”
“Um, well, things may have turned out that way, but… not for the reasons I wanted. Ponies know me because I am a close friend of Princess Twilight’s, because I was an element of harmony in my teens, and now I own a very large, high dollar clothing outlet chain. The first two I had little control over, but the third wasn’t originally what I wanted to do with myself. I didn’t want to be famous because ponies knew me for my craft, I wanted to be famous because ponies knew my face. I wanted to be a celebrity, I wanted to be royalty, I wanted to be… somepony other ponies looked on with awe.”
“I… I don’t think I get it.”
I sighed. “Right, that… may be something hard to understand these days. Anypony can become somepony just by putting out a few well edited videos on the internet these days. But back when I was a teen, it wasn’t that easy to just be ubiquitous. You had to know the right ponies, you had to have your face in the papers, you had to have a presence that other ponies simply couldn’t look away from.”
“Oh! Like Princess Celestia?”
I clapped my hooves and pointed. “Yes, like Celestia. Fame like hers was near unheard of back then, and she and Luna were the only ponies that really had it. I wanted to be something like that. And my cutiemark firmly dictated that I couldn’t. I was good at sewing. I was good at making clothes and creating outfits and ensembles and styling ponies to look their best. I was… contrary to what my cutiemark would have you believe, more like the gold that holds the diamond and not the diamond itself. I was what held up the thing you paid attention to. I… simply didn’t shine in my own right. And I hated that, more than anything else.”
“So… what happened?”
“Well, I um… I got mixed up with a certain pony. He had money and power, and the potential to help me start my business.”
“Was that dad?”
I paused. “… Not the first time this happened, no. His name was Filthy Rich. His wife was, or, is, I suppose, simply awful, and I managed to use my… feminine wiles to charm him into lending me a loan.”
Pearl made the confused scrunchy face. Good goddess, do we all do it? “Did you… did you… ya know… do the thing with him?”
I gagged. “Gah! Bleh, oh, heavens, no. I was a manipulator, I lied my way into his pockets, not… oh, goodness. I was upset with my parents, but I wasn’t desperate… yet. I didn’t even…” I shook my head repeatedly. “No. I-In any case, I brokered a deal with Mr. Rich and managed to buy the original boutique, just a few miles down the road from your grandparent’s house. Neither of them approved, the argument with your grandmother about it overheated and overflowed into a full-blown fight, and I moved out of the house.
“I was quick to set up shop, and though business was slow at first, it eventually picked up, and after a year, I’d paid back half the loan Mr. Rich gave me. I was seventeen and on my way to becoming a successful businessmare, in spite of your grandparent’s protests. However, trying to live on my own and run my shop at the same time was… well, taxing would be the best way to put it.”
“But don’t you do that like, all the time now?”
“Well, yes, after doing this for twenty-two years, I have become quite capable at it. The first year, however, I was not so experienced. I had difficulty feeding myself, I had bad spending habits, and after getting some helpful advice about the math of it, I realized that maybe I wasn’t the one who got a good deal out of that loan. I was in well over my head, but determined to prove my parents wrong, so I suffered until I managed to get a hoof on things.
“The next year was when I first met Twilight. Back in those days, she hadn’t earned her wings, and to be quite honest with you, I thought she was more hopeless than I was at the time. I wasn’t wrong, per say, but I certainly wasn’t right. She had her Spike, and she had us to rely on, and after a time, I wasn’t busy with the boutique all the time, but going on adventures with her and our friends instead.”
Again, Pearl made mother’s face. That must come from me. There’s nowhere else for her to have gotten it. How did this happen? “You? ‘On adventures?’ Like, getting dirty and going out into the woods and stuff?”
A foul taste hit the back of my tongue. “Yes. An old dusty castle that I could’ve sworn was haunted, a castle that sprang up like a spring flower in the far north, dark caves, an invading centaur, an evil wizard, Discord in his early days.”
Pearl raised a brow. “Uncle Discord?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, him. He was a wild character back when we first met him and he certainly didn’t have the best intentions. He’s since been tamed by the most fearsome beast tamer in Equestria.”
Pearl shrugged. “I could see that. Auntie Shy can be… kinda scary when she wants to.”
I nodded. “True as truth gets. But yes, adventures with our friends. After a year of that, Twilight ascended to alicornhood, and in the next year was when she visited the world most of our technology comes from. Things began to change for Equestria in a big way as more and more of it was integrated into our society, and by the time I was twenty-three, about five years after I met Twilight, we’d advanced to the point of having airplanes as a viable way to travel long distances.
“At that point, I had the original store, a store in Canterlot, and I was looking to expand my horizons again with a store in Manehattan.”
Pearl blew a raspberry. “Oh, yeah, that place you live when you’re not home.” Her tone was dripping with sarcasm.
I raised a brow. “I don’t very well like that tone of yours young lady and oh my Goddess, I am my mother.” It hit me like a wave all at once. Those aren’t words that belong to me. Those are words that were said to me. Often.
“Told ya. Grandma says that all the time. You have similar habits.”
Another blow, another arrow. I brought a hoof to cover my mouth and held my other out. “Oh, stop it, it already hurts too much! Oh, dear Goddess, this is exactly what I’ve been afraid of all this time, only to realize now that it was inevitable in the first place.”
Pearl giggled and I let my forelegs drop to my side. “Oh, don’t you laugh! This is your future too, don’t you know? If I’ve become my mother, you’ll certainly become yours, just you wait.” I shivered. “And… let’s try very hard to prevent that, shall we?”
A third time, Pearl made mother’s face. “And there’s that again. I still don’t understand it. Why not? I mean, I get that you’re like… not Auntie Applejack, or Auntie Shy, but I just don’t understand why being like you is bad. I mean, I guess you’re… really not around a lot, and that bothers me… a lot, but… I don’t know.
“We have this big house that feels like it was something you got for me more than you, and we have all these nice things, and you always give out stuff to everypony at hearths warming, and you’re always home for holidays, and… I don’t know, is it really all that bad?”
I scratched my cheek. “Pearl, darling, there are…” How do I put this? I can’t exactly go into graphic detail about what I do when I’m not home. Her getting the wrong idea about what I do would possibly be worse than having no idea… maybe… yes, that should do.
“I… don’t believe that I am a bad pony. I am… far from perfect, and I do things that… well, even I question when I look in the mirror the next morning, but then I find myself falling into these bad habits again and again because… I’m missing something and I don’t know how to fix it. What you did yesterday was… probably a sign that I haven’t been around enough.
“You planned and executed a well thought out, though foolish, idea to get me to come home, and it worked. You manipulated me and the Apples into thinking there was something seriously wrong with you, and a few of us were even concerned for your life.”
Pearl turned away. “Oh… I… I didn’t even…”
“Oh, yes, you scared me half to death and Fin thought you might be suicidal.”
“B-but I wouldn’t!” she protested.
I held up a hoof in defeat. “But I don’t know that. And neither does Fin. This isn’t something you can simply dismiss off hoof, there are ponies, your age, that really take such drastic measures to escape from bullies, permanently.”
Pearl slowly backed down. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“I know that darling, but this…” I sighed. “This shouldn’t have happened in the first place. I should’ve been here. Pearl, the reason I don’t want you to be like me is because this kind of stunt is exactly the kind of thing that a younger me would’ve done and did to get her way.”
“You… you did?”
I took a deep breath. “When I was an up and coming young mare in the fashion world, I experienced… something of a surge in popularity in my early twenties. Everypony wanted my work because the princesses were wearing my work, and when the only real celebrities in the world before the internet were doing something, everypony followed.
“It was great for a time, but then I became overwhelmed. I needed help, time, resources, and more importantly, a better way to move my products. One of the things I’d always had my eye on was to complete one of my dreams of owning a prominent store in Manehattan square. Even back then, the place was an urban center for the Equestrian elite, and had I a store there, anything else I wanted would fall right into place.
“However, the issue with wanting to be part of the elite is that the elite don’t want more ponies in their club, so to speak. A common mare of common birth, one with no real heritage or credentials that came to her success through unusual channels? I was somepony they despised. I was proof that the dream was real and they wanted nothing to do with me. But they also couldn’t ignore me either because I had connections to the princesses.
“Of all the things that… simply offering to fix Twilight’s mane all those years ago brought me, that was likely the most valuable.” I shook my head. “The point is, though they didn’t want me, they wanted my connections, so at least one of them was willing to talk to me.”
“And… that one was dad, right?” Pearl asked.
“Yes. Fancy Pants. Old money from Canterlot with large holdings in both there and Manehattan, and ties to the princesses, but only as a purely professional relationship. The personal relationship I had with them could potentially get me things normal ponies couldn’t dream of, and privileges that the elite thirsted after. It was… something of a power in and of itself.
“I had something he wanted, and he had something I wanted. But more than that, he had something I thought I desperately needed. I wanted that store in Manehattan bad enough to do anything for it, and Fancy… had a few things he wanted too.”
I crossed my hind legs and looked out the kitchen window at the afternoon sky. Light blue, just like his mane, just like my daughter’s. “I didn’t know he was married. Ponies like him tend to keep information like that a secret so paparazzi and other ‘scandal media’ don’t bother them at home. Had I known though, I… I’m still sure I would’ve done what he asked me to. He had a corner lot open that he’d just bought off a pony that couldn’t afford to keep it, and all I had to do to get it was introduce him to the princesses and… let him use me. No bits would change hooves, he said he’d even wear a suit of mine if I made one for him.”
I let out a breath. “When it came down to… fulfilling the contract, he said he preferred it when things were… as natural as they could be. It felt better that way. I didn’t so much as hesitate.
“When the deal was done, he signed the deed to that corner lot and gave me his measurements for a suit. There was no love in there, it was… purely transactional, and I was disgusted with myself. I felt awful for the entire next week for what I’d done, but I had my store, and that was going to change everything. But… not in the ways I expected.
“I found out you had come into being just a month later. I was… I suppose, ‘terrified’ would be putting it mildly. I remember the words I said when I saw that the test was positive. ‘I can’t have a baby now! I have so much to do, I simply don’t have time to take care of a foal!’ It was funny, really.
“I called Applejack as soon as I knew, and her only response was, ‘Mmhmm. Y’all deserve it. Ah’ve been tellin’ ya this was bound ta happen someday with the way ya treat stallions, and ya never listened ta me. But, well, so long as ya don’t think about doin’ anythin’ stupid, ya should be fine.’ And she promptly hung up on me. No sympathy for the wicked I suppose, but she was exactly right.
“I… never believed I would get married. I never thought I would have foals, and I was always very careful when I… found myself in passionate moments with stallions. The one time there was no passion, the one time I really felt like I’d done something wrong the morning after, that was the day it happened. Because, of course it would. C’est la vie, non?
“However, I also wasn’t one to mope! For… very long, anyways. I had a panic attack or two, I called Applejack again, and then all my other close friends, and finally, I realized that I was going to have to say something to somepony who I really didn’t want to say anything to.”
Pearl tapped her lips. “And… that was Grandma, right?”
I nodded. “Precisely. It was one thing for Applejack to rebuke me like this, we’d been close friends for something like ten years at that point. I would almost say our friendship was based on those little clashes we always had. To face the mother bear herself was… another story entirely.
“She had been warning me about this ever since I was a child. ‘Guard your treasures and never sell yourself short,’ she would always say.”
“She still says that,” Pearl added.
“Well, she should, because she’s right. This life I lead is… certainly part of why I’m as unstable as I am at times, and I’ve little doubt that my promiscuity is one of the deeper roots. Maybe one day, I’ll get a hold on this, and maybe I won’t. I’m not certain I ever will, and that scares me for me, and it scares me for you because… I wouldn’t wish going through this on anypony, and especially not you.”
I shook my head. “Anyways, your grandmother unleashed her righteous fury on me for what I’d done and for several months, she refused to speak to me. I was the rebellious one that disobeyed everything she ever taught me, and disregarded every warning she ever gave. I played games with ponies, and in return I was played with for my troubles. You were the price of that.
“I was afraid that if I told him, Fancy would try to have me kill you, and that was not something I was willing to do, so I never did. It wasn’t your fault that your life began like this, it was mine, and I was going to live with that. I resolved to raise you alone and do the best I could by myself. I didn’t exactly know how to do that, and the one pony I really needed advice from had no desire to speak to me, so I asked my friends for help.
“Applejack didn’t know what to tell me. She was already a mother of three by then, and her life had a level of stability that I wasn’t sure mine could ever attain. With as chaotic as my life was, I figured Fluttershy would be the next best bet. She’d had two of Discord’s little monsters by then, please don’t tell anypony I said that, and chaos was as close to home as it could get for her. But again, she didn’t know what to say to me. As extraordinary as her circumstances were, her life was about as normal as one could get. I still don’t know how she does it.
“After years of courting her, Rainbow Dash had finally given into Soarin’s advances, and she was in the same boat as I was. Prism was born just a few months after you were, after all. Finally, of all the ponies I didn’t expect to help me with this, I talked to Pinkie, and she gave me some good advice.
“She said, ‘No matter who you are or when they happen, so long as you love them, fillies and colts are born with loaves of bread. They come out smiling and happy just to see you, and no matter what you do, they will love you and want to be there with you. You won’t always know what you’re supposed to do, but as long as you’re there, you’ll figure it out. We probably wouldn’t still be around as a species if we didn’t get raising ponies eventually, right?’
“I wasn’t quite sure how she’d done it, or how she knew, but somehow, that eased most of my fears. When you were coming close to being due, your grandmother had finally calmed down enough to give me something more concrete with details about all the things I’d need when you finally did arrive, and then… she taught me that lullaby.
“I’d forgotten it, up until then. It… brought back so many memories of when I was little that I tried to apologize to her and it was… as if she already knew I would. She took it in stride and offered me her support, and from there, I… I really believed things would be alright.”
I turned my head and looked down at my filly. “And then I realized just what a mess I’d gotten myself into when you finally came. I didn’t have a clue. I didn’t know what to do with all the crying, it felt like I was changing diapers every five minutes, stacks and mounds and crates full of the things and somehow, I needed to replace them every month. Dresses and clothes ruined just from trying to feed you or wash you on a daily basis. It was a nightmare.”
“Oh… well-” Pearl began
I put a hoof to her lips and cut her off. “Hold on, I’m not done. It was a nightmare… when things were like that. When things were going wrong, when I didn’t know what to do with you in the first few months, then things were horrid. It was… when things were good, when you would smile and laugh while I played with you, when you’d cry if I left you and smile the moment I was back in your sight, it was… then, that I really understood.”
I took my short and wide little girl in my magic and brought her to my lap. “You are my precious treasure, and I wouldn’t trade you for the world. I love you with everything I have, and there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think about how I could make your life better. While I regret the way you came about, I don’t regret having you because…
“You have shown me something I never could have seen on my own. What this… strange internal love that made my mother always find a way to forgive me even when I’d been awful to her is, what makes gross little monsters like foals so appealing to mares, what… makes being a parent so worthwhile.
“Pearl, the truth is… I don’t know what I’m doing. I’ve been confident in everything I’ve done in life up until the day I found out I was pregnant with you, and that is the day I began to think differently. How could I be a mother? I couldn’t do this. I’m not stable enough on my own to keep myself healthy, how could I raise another pony? I still don’t know the answer to that.
“My greatest fear is that you repeat my life the same way I’ve done it, that you make my mistakes again, and that… there’s nothing I can do to stop you from making those mistakes. Try as I might, you are a piece of me, and nothing can change that. I thought that… maybe if I stayed away from you, that if I tried to avoid being around you’d start acting like my friends or my parents who all… turned out so much better. But now I see that, that too, was a mistake.”
I held up a hoof and looked her in the eyes. “So, I’ll make a deal with you, here and now. I… am going to stop indulging in my worse habits. I am going to try to be home more, and I will come to every performance, concert, play, or whatever it is you want me to see you doing, as often as I can. And if I do, I want you to promise me… that no matter how many times I fail to be the best mother I can, that… you’ll forgive me for it, okay?”
She looked at me, then eyed my hoof. “If I agree, does that mean we get to make another pizza?”
I rolled my eyes. “Do we really need another pizza? I still can’t even fit into my own sportswear as it is, all these calories are just going to go straight-”
“Mom!”
“Oh, fine, another pizza is yours for the low, low price of forgiveness.”
She smiled, took hold of my hoof and hugged me tight. “Then it’s a deal!”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Just like me, she has a sweet tooth, and she’s spoiled rotten. Like mother, like daughter.
“Thank you, Darling.”
In this life, all things come with a price. For the fame, the power, the money, and my dreams, Pearl was mine. However, I didn’t name her Pearl for no reason. I love my baby, and I wouldn’t give her up for the world. I have made many and more mistakes in life, but she will never be counted among them. She will always be my darling, my baby, my Pearl, my treasure.
