Colt or Filly?
"So, are you a colt or a filly?"
It seemed like such an innocent question, but Scootaloo didn't know how to respond.
It had been just an ordinary day, playing with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle at the park as the lazy afternoon sun crept across the sky. Scootaloo had been showing off a new stunt on the scooter to a small crowd of onlookers when it happened. A colt, no more than a couple years younger than the Cutie Mark Crusaders, had hung around after the rest of the crowd dispersed, desperate, burning curiosity glistening in his large, round eyes. He had asked the question.
That question.
It was a question that unexplainably made Scootaloo feel both unbridled euphoria and deep, sinking dread that riled around in the pits of the young pony's stomach. Cold sweat began to form on their forehead, but Scootaloo didn't know why.
"I guess, technically, I'm a filly?" Scootaloo finally responded, their mouth felt dry, like it had been replaced by the Saddle Arabia desert. A ball of guilt, shame and embarasment sat heavily in their gut. They suddenly wanted to undo what they said and run away, but they couldn't. Why were they feeling like this?
Content with the answer, the young colt trotted away, leaving Scootaloo alone and confused. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. In the past few months it felt as if it was happening more and more frequently. Scootaloo would constantly hear ponies whisper in hushed voices to eachother "Who's that little colt over there? Oh, wait, no, is that a filly?"; shop assistants would struggle to decide whether to say "miss" or "sir" when addressing the orange pegasus, and would end up stumbling over their words and not saying anything; or curious little foals, like the one from today, would trot on over, oblivious to any social faux pas they might be committing.
Scootaloo supposed it was because of the short manecut they had, or because of their rough, tomcolt-ish nature. But just because they didn't act much like a filly, didn't mean they were a colt.
They didn't feel like a colt, but then again, they never really felt much like a filly either. This was too confusing.
As the sun began to slip below the horizon, filling the sky with brilliant oranges, reds, pinks and purples, Scootaloo waved goodbye to Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, hopping on their bright blue scooter and travelling down the dirt roads of Ponyville so fast their too-small wings buzzed. They needed to talk to somepony about this. They needed to see Rainbow Dash.
They got to their destination at record speeds, not that they even noticed as they looked up to see Rainbow Dash's cloud house floating a few meters off the ground. They quickly yanked of their helmet while leaping off of the scooter, ruffling their mane back into place (not as if it made much of a difference, since their hair was messy with or without styling it). They hoped somepony was home as they looked straight up at the home of their idol, yelling their name up at the house.
"Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!"
Within minutes, the familiar cyan pegasus was peering at the younger pony from the edge of the clouds. "What is it, Squirt?" She asked, expecting the usual onslaught of exuberant gushing from the fan, but being caught off guard by the response she received.
"I need to talk to somepony about something, and I thought you would be the best choice since you're basically like my sister, and that means I should be able to talk to you about anything, so I-" Scootaloo stopped rambling as Rainbow Dash fluttered down, realising that they had been talking progressively faster until the words almost merged into one solid chunk.
Rainbow's rose-coloured eyes were filled with concern and openness as they met Scootaloo's violet ones. "Do you want to come inside and talk?"
Scootaloo smiled and nodded, not trusting themself not to begin rambling again as soon as they opened their mouth. They quickly climbed onto Rainbow Dash's back, clinging firmly to her midriff as Rainbow flapped her muscular wings effortlessly, carrying them both up to her house.
Once there, Scootaloo let go, and Rainbow opened the front door, beckoning them in. If it had been any other day, Scootaloo might have taken time to gawk at the surroundings, but right now they just needed to get these thoughts off their chest. Rainbow Dash lead them to the kitchen and began preparing two cups of tea, waiting for Scootaloo to begin talking.
Once a mug was gently placed in front of the foal, Scootaloo took in a deep breath and began:
"Rainbow Dash, do you ever feel as if..." They hesitated, searching for the right words "As if everything everypony expects you to be is wrong? But not like you won't live up to their expectations or something, just that..." They sighed, looking at Rainbow Dash, who was attentively staring back.
They decided to rephrase their question "Say everypony is born with a name tag, right? It's like, since the day you were born, that name tag had a typo on it, and you were the only one that noticed, but you can't tell anypony because they'd say that's how it's always spelled, but you know in your heart that it's wrong, but you don't quite know how you know, or how to fix it. Is this making any sense?"
Rainbow Dash took a pensive sip from her own mug before responding "What are you getting at, Squirt?"
"You're not very girly, right?" Scootaloo asked. Rainbow nodded slowly in response, curious as to why they seemed to be suddenly changing the subject. " But you're still a mare. I mean, you're not a stallion, and you wouldn't want to be, right?"
This made Rainbow think for a second, playing with the idea for a moment before smiling and looking at Scoots "Being a stallion would be fun and all, but you're right, I still like being a mare."
"Right, well, I... Don't think... I want to be... A mare..." Scootaloo finally stuttered out. If it hadn't been for the years of being best friends with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash reckoned she wouldn't have heard them.
"So... You want to be a colt?" She questioned
"I don't know, Rainbow Dash! That's why I came to you! I'm not a filly, I know that! I feel it in my bones! But I don't feel like a colt either! It's like I'm both, or neither, or some weird mix of everything! I thought you might understand, but maybe I'm just a freak..." Scootaloo exclaimed, frustrated at first, but that frustration quickly melted into self loathing.
Rainbow Dash could sense the younger ones melancholy and quickly sought to stop it. "I mean," she began softly, her rough voice gaining Scootaloo's attention before their mind had completely clouded over with bitter thoughts "Nopony said that 'filly' and 'colt' were the only two options available."
This caught the foals attention fully. They felt as if their whole world had come crashing down; the wool pulled from their eyes. "But-" they tried to interject, but no good counterclaim sprung to mind as they stared at their hero in disbelief. Did this mean there was other options? Did this mean they weren't alone?
With nothing to say, they sat there slack-jawed, waiting for Rainbow to explain. Waiting for this newfound hope to all come crashing down when it all turned out to be a loose end.
"Loads of ponies feel exactly how you feel." Rainbow explained "they don't identity as mare or stallion, but non-binary."
"Non-binary?" Scootaloo echoed, equally confused and curious, testing the new word out loud to see if it fit.
"Yeah," the older mare grinned supportively "It's, like, not binary. Not mare or stallion." She inwardly cringed a little at the poor explanation. If she was more like Twilight, she might have been able to give a better definition.
"Not mare or stallion..." Scootaloo echoed once again, deep in thought. That sounded right. What did they do now? Should they tell Rainbow? That seemed fair. What about the Cutie Mark Crusaders? And school? How would everyone take it? Would they think Scootaloo had gone crazy?! Would they hate Scootaloo?! Anxious thoughts began invading their mind, each more absurd and deviating than the last. Before they drowned it the sea of speculation, they shook their head, momentarily clearing their mind, and speaking before any doubt could stop them.
"Rainbow Dash? I think I might be non-binary."
Great, Rainbow was sure to hate them now! She was probably going to kick them out of her house and tell them never to speak to her again! She was going to-
"That's cool, Scoots. Seriously, I'm so proud of you! Is there any pronouns you wanna use? Do you want to be called something other than Scootaloo?"
"Uh, pronouns? They/them would be cool. As for names? I actually hadn't thought that far ahead. Scootaloo's fine for now. It's not too girly anyway." Scootaloo didn't know whether to laugh or cry with relief, but kept their eyes locked onto their half-empty cup of tea as if looking up at Rainbow Dash would somehow make all of this less real. Without warning, Scootaloo felt a pair of strong forehooves bring them into a tight hug, a pair of light blue wings wrapped around their smaller body in a secure embrace. The sudden act of affection shocked Scootaloo enough to flick a switch in the little pegasus' brain, releasing all of the pent up emotions Scootaloo didn't even realize they had, causing them to cling to Rainbow's comforting form and cry silent tears of joy.
"I'm so proud of you."
---
A week later, Scootaloo stood in front of their friends, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, prepared to tell them probably the most important thing they would ever need to tell them. They looked up to their right to see Rainbow Dash give them a encouraging smile, gently nudging them with her outstretched wing.
"What's the matter, Scootaloo?" Sweetie Belle asked, understandably concerned for her friend.
Apple Bloom joined in, expression matching her unicorn friend, "Yeah, what did you wanna tell us?"
Scootaloo closed their eyes and took a deep breath, stealing all of their courage before speaking,
"I'm non-binary."