Literally The Story
A gentle knock came from the door of Starlight's guidance counselor office. It was odd because she wasn't expecting any visitors. Her schedule was clear, which meant it was an unexpected counseling session.
Her heart froze in her chest as the thought of some young pony, griffon, changeling, or whatever else walking through her door. She snatched her cup of steaming cocoa she kept on her desk for just such an occasion.
"C-come in!" she called out.
The door creaked open. As the shape behind slowly took form, the thumping of her heart in her throat nearly made her gag. But this wasn't some colt, filly, or hatchling. Or whatever a griffon was because figuring out how lion and bird biology mixed was too much for her to even contemplate at the moment. Instead this was taller. Much taller. Behind the door stepped out an adult and her heart relaxed.
Better yet, it was Twilight.
"Oh, hi, Twilight," Starlight said forcing a smile.
Twilight nodded. "Hey, Starlight. How's it going in the whole guidance counselor department?"
The unicorn laughed nervously. "Well, since I'm the whole department, I'd say someone's been snatching my lunch out of the fridge… and it's pretty tasty."
Twilight nodded again. "Funny, they publish that in Bored Councilor's Digest?"
"It was better than last issue's 'What vegetables do librarians like? Quiet peas' one."
Twilight snorted for just a second, regaining her composure faster than a blink. "Right…"
"So, what's up?" Starlight asked, tilting her head and taking a sip from her cocoa.
The alicorn cleared her throat. But before she said anything she stepped further into the room, using her magic to close the door behind her. "Well, there's been some rumors going around the school."
"Well, it is a school."
"Not that kind of rumor." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Like, rumors why you haven't had a single student here for guidance."
Starlight's whole body jumped at the mention of that. Her magically held cup of cocoa even lurched forward spilling some onto her desk. "Whaaaaaaaat?" she asked snatching a tissue on her desk and soaking up the cocoa the best she could. It did not work well as tissues were not designed for soaking up chocolatey messes.
A sudden bright purple flash and a scroll appeared in front of Twilight's face held aloft by her magic. "Well, you see, we have paperwork for you to fill out when you handle students, advice offered, nature of the counciling, and such. But… Uh…" Twilight flipped the paper around revealing the parchment completely blank. "It seems you haven't filled it out at all."
Starlight laughed nervously as she loosened her non-existent collar for her imaginary dress shirt, as was proper office attire. "Well—you know, these kids just don't need much counciling."
Another flash, and this time Twilight poofed a pen into existence to tap against her lip. "You see, they've been making appointments…"
"Must be my secretary."
"You don't have a secretary…" Twilight narrowed her eyes at Starlight.
Starlight nearly choked, jolting forward just a bit but keeping a calm look on her face. "Y-yeah, well… Maybe that's why I'm not getting my appointments. Did you think about that?"
Twilight narrowed her eyes more, scanning the mare's face up and down. "You win this round," she muttered.
"I mean, still. I based this school's curriculum around what you were taught." Twilight rolled her head and held out her hoof. "Who better to guide these kids through the power of friendship than someone who learned it first hoof from the princess of the subject. You're perfect for it, so do your job, okay?"
Starlight nodded. But after that the room fell silent and her eyes wandered. "Soooo…"
Sensing her authority slipping with Starlight's wandering gaze, Twilight cleared her throat once more. "Obviously that's not the only reason I'm here. If it was just poor job performance I'd just mention it to you in passing at the restroom or something but this is more serious."
"More serious than shirking my job duties?" Starlight raised an eyebrow, but below the surface her spine tingled a familiar tingle. It was the tingle of fear, and that wasn't a fun tingle in the slightest.
The air fell silent once again. Twilight stared before taking a deep breath. "Okay, don't really know how to tackle this subtly or with tact so here we go." She swallowed the lump in her throat and started. "So word around the town is you're a pedo… And that's obviously not okay because I can't have a pedo guidance counselor spending time with kids alone talking about their future. But it would also make sense that you wouldn't be helping kids if you're a pedo because, you know…"
For a few moments, Starlight blinked absently. What else could she do at such an accusation? Especially one so baseless as— "Oh, yeah. I am."
Apparently it was not a baseless claim at all.
Twilight nodded firmly. She then turned towards the door, her magic wrapping around the door handle. "That's what I thought. Good, I'm glad we got that cleared— What?" she asked, stopping herself mid step towards the exit.
"I said I am."
Twilight's ears fell flat as her head lowered. "Guess I have to deal with this now." She whipped back around, her horn lighting up. "So, moon or Tartarus?"
Starlight held up her hooves. "I don't get why you're reacting like that!"
A thunderous stomp shook the office as Twilight slammed her hoof into the floor. "Starlight! You can't be that open and nonchalant about that!"
"I don't see what the big deal is!" Starlight glanced down, seeing her soggy tissue soaked in cocoa and threw it out leaving a smaller puddle behind. "It's more common than you think." She looked back to Twilight, and brushed her mane out of her face, casually. "Tons of ponies get urges like that around kids. It's hard to deal with."
A twitch worked its way from Twilight's wingtips down her spine and finally through her tail. "No…" she said aloud, directed at Starlight or herself, it was hard to tell as she had her eyes pinched shut like she was trying to wake up from some terrible nightmare.
"Look—" Starlight began again "—I don't know why you're freaking out about this." She shrugged. "I'm pretty sure you've noticed how uncomfortable I am around children."
With an audible pop, Twilight's eyes opened and locked on her with an I-got-you sort of craze to get gaze. "What about Spike?" An obvious question as the two got along swimmingly. Perhaps too swimmingly.
Starlight put Twilight's momentary fears to rest with a wave of her hoof. "He's a dragon, he doesn't count"
Twilight's wild smirk fell flat almost instantly. "…Wait, are you saying you wouldn't fuck my dragon?" Disgust and confusion spread across her face. "I don't know why I'm offended by that, but here I am. I want to know what makes a kid not fuckable for a pedophile!"
Starlight's eyes shot open wide. "Whoa! Whoa! What?" She slammed her hooves on her desk, nearly jumping out of her seat. If she was still sipping her cocoa, she'd have choked. "Why would you think I'm a—Oooooohhhhh… Yeah, I see the problem. Yup…"
Twilight cocked an eyebrow. With Starlight's obvious shock, something was off. "Soooo, you're not a pedophile?" She asked, cautiously.
"Pedophobe," Starlight stated matter-of-factly as she settled back in her seat.
Twilight stared at her for a moment waiting for the facade to crack, but Starlight was serious. "You have an irrational fear of children?"
"Absolutely terrified."
Another few moments of silence passed. "Are you diagnosed?" Twilight finally asked.
"Yeeeeaaahhhhhh…" Starlight, confident the shocks were over, took another sip of her cocoa. "I've got a slip from my psychiatrist in my file."
Twilight tapped her hoof on the floor. "Shit. Now I can't discipline you for not doing your job without getting sued because it's a documented medical issue…"
Starlight shrugged. "I told you I wouldn't be a good fit for guidance counselor."
The End