Keijo Equestria

by Typist Gray

First published 22nd of July, 2019

Our lovely mane six strive for dominance by using only their boobs and butts. What more needs saying?

After a few disasters involving the resurgence of old enemies, the Princesses have seen fit that Equestria needs a bit of a reprieve to take their minds off of things. To that end, they have taken the suggestion of the resident human and introduced a new sport to the land.

Keijo, based off of the short lived anime, is a sport where women in swimsuits strive for dominance by knocking one another off of floating platforms and into the water. The catch? They can only use their boobs and butts!

Chapter 1

“Goo-ood morning Canterlooot!” The stallion announcer’s baritone voice boomed across the open stadium. The packed crowd roared in approval as Celestia’s sun shone down through the open stadium onto the guests and players. Few were actually looking his way, but a stallion and a mare were stationed in a booth very near the edge of the pool, in what would otherwise have been very expensive seating. “My name is Booming Voice, and this is my cohost, Thoughtful Look.”

“A pleasure to be here,” came the much softer voice of the mare beside him in the announcer’s booth.

“And welcome to today’s grand championship match of Equestria’s newest and most beloved sport… Keijo!!!”

“Actually, this is just a charity event,” Thoughtful pointed out. Although the roaring of the crowd drowned out her factual correction, she still felt obligated to fulfill her role as the straight mare to her co-host’s more boisterous attitude. That was why they were always arranged together, after all. “In fact, because Keijo is still a relatively new sport, there hasn’t been enough time to arrange any sort of formal championship.”

Keijo is a mare only game where the participants wore swimsuits as they competed on floating masses called Lands in large pools. The goal was to knock the other players off of the Land using only your boobs or butt. If you touch the Land with any part of your body other than your hooves, or if you were knocked off, you lose. Naturally, flight and the use of magic were also grounds for disqualification. In the end, the last player left standing… is the winner. Not only do they get bragging rights, but they get a huge cash prize.

“That’s right folks,” Booming continued excitedly. “Mares from across Equestria have committed their blood, sweat, and tears to training themselves, all to ensure that their teats and flanks are the strongest in the land for your entertainment.” He paused to allow another cheer from the audience.

“That’s right, Booming,” Thoughtful spoke up. “Despite it only being less than a year since the idea’s introduction, Keijo has absolutely skyrocketed in popularity. In addition to the excitement and titillation of the matches being a treat for the fans, as well as testimony from countless players on the sheer enjoyment of the game, Keijo experienced its first big break when Princesses Celestia and Luna gave the first game their royal commission.”

As Thoughtful spoke, the central screens depicted close ups of different areas of this match’s arena.

“Ah yes, but let us not forget the father of Keijo, without whom none of these ponies would be here. And here he is today!” The central screens suddenly flipped to display a member of the audience who, upon seeing his image on screen, began awkwardly smiling and waving. “There he is folks. Sir Thomas of Princess Luna’s Harem!”

At that moment, Thomas wished deeply for the power of invisibility, but shrinking into oblivion would have also been good as the crowd roared below. He was currently sitting in one of the VIP box seats, along with his herd – who were currently crowding into the frame to also wave at the audience – and the Princesses who had scooted off to the side to avoid the limelight. Thomas might have long since gotten over his issue with public nudity, but still found himself crossing his legs so that a stadium of one point five thousand spectators couldn’t stare at his family jewels.

Booming continued. “Keijo is just one of the countless contributions Thomas has made to Equestria on behalf of humanity. Now, I could go on and on about his achievements, but that’s not what we’re here for.” The central screens flipped to the arena’s entrance where the game’s participants were assembling. “No. You’re here to see these fantastic mares bash their mare parts together in an unbridled show of dominance.” The crowd cheered their agreement.

“And now onto the competitors of today’s championship match!”

“It’s a charity match,” Thoughtful quietly corrected again. “All proceeds go to the Graceful Heart Hospital for Foals, remember? The winner gets to divert 10% of the final proceeds to any other charity of her choice.”

But Booming didn’t seem to hear. “And here they are! First up we have none other than Rainbow Daaash.”

If the cyan pegasi’s wings weren’t currently bound to her back, she would have no doubt soared into the air as she waved energetically at her fans. She was absolutely eating up all this attention.

“Rainbow Dash, the daring mare who pulled off a daring rescue at the Young Flyer’s Competition a few years back with her stunning Sonic Rainboom!” He paused to let the audience cheer. “Rainbow Dash is currently wearing a very skimpy two peace swimsuit, colored in her trademark rainbow pattern. Perfect for her slim, athlete’s body. Being a pegasus, what Rainbow might lack in size or overall strength, she more than makes up for with her lightning speed and maneuverability. If Rainbow Dash wins, she intends to donate her prize money to constructing a community center in Canterlot’s low income district to help imbue troubled foals with trade knowledge and social skills so that they don’t feel alone in this world.” That turned up the audience’s roar a few notches.

Rainbow, to the surprise of no one, made sure to show off for the audience, especially in ways that emphasized her most crucial assets. She flexed her arms, gesturing for the crowd to keep up the roar of their approval, and even spun around to helicopter her tail. That really got the viewers excited.

“Up next, we have the lovely Ms. Rar-i-tyyy!”

The booming cheers quieted down to more civil hoots and whistles, along with a few declarations of love for her and her work.

“Rarity comes to us in a royal violet two piece, perfectly matching her mane. This eye-catching design shows a tasteful amount of cleavage, which I still don’t really get,” Booming muttered off to the side, “and beneath that frilly skirt is a lovely thong designed to decrease friction and ensure maximum mobility. I should also point out that this lovely piece of swimwear is not only a Rarity original, but all of today’s contestants are wearing the charitable mare’s latest work, designed specifically for each mare’s unique attributes. Rarity is a lady of grace, but don’t let her lady-like demeanor fool you. This lady is as rough as diamonds and glitters just as bright. Rarity has aspirations of turning her prize into investments for Manehatten, giving up-and-coming businesses the chance to uplift themselves with innovative advertisements and charity events to ultimately better the community. All profits from these investments will also be diverted to other charities.”

Rarity, ever the picture of elegance, serenely waved a princess wave while blowing kisses at her adoring fans. She was the very picture of poise and prestige, strutting her stuff with back straight and hands on her hips like a model on the runway. At Booming’s diamond remark, her smile grew to beaming levels, showing off her pearly whites to her adoring fans as she waved appreciatively.

“And then we have the ever bountiful – and bounciful – Pinkiiie Piiie!”

The audience returned to their more traditional cheering, encouraged to maintain a high volume by the pink mare’s boundless enthusiasm.

Thoughtful cut in before she could be drowned out by the vocal enthusiasm of the crowd. “Pinkie Pie’s pink polka dotted one piece might seem overly simple and perhaps constricting at first glance. However, the assets of this full figured mare require considerable support, and not just for her own sake. Previous matches with lesser swimsuits have led to perplexing – and somewhat controversial – issues. This mare’s body is like a ravenous beast in need of taming. Pinkie Pie, for anypony who’s been living under a rock, is a party planning prodigy, with her greatest aspiration in life being nothing short of bringing smiles to everypony she meets. To that end, she has thrown her full support into hiring therapeutic clowns for hospitals around the country. Heal the body by healing the soul.”

If there was any sort of formal etiquette for being on stage in front of hundreds of onlookers, somepony had failed to inform Pinkie. The pretty pink pronking pony was hopping from hoof-to-hoof, waving excitedly at everypony she could. She was also doing her best to directly answer the crowd’s inquiries, such as the kind of shampoo she used or if she was available for their son’s birthday next week. Pinkie just couldn’t get enough of being the cause of all these smiles, although she was making mental notes for all the parties she was promising.

With a nod from Thoughtful, Booming took his turn. “Next we have none other than the producer, and wielder – of the most delicious apples you’ll ever enjoy,” that got a few snickers out of the audience, “Appllle Jaaack!”

One section of the crowd cheered louder than any other. A sizable portion of the Apple Clan had taken up several rows of seats to show their support. Signs with AJ’s name were wielded and waved about like flags of war.

“Despite prioritizing function over fashion, this buxom beauty’s suit is nothing to scoff at. Her flannel top and bottoms look more like a sports bra and hip-hugger shorts, which is because that’s how they were designed. This is a working mare with a job to do, folks. She is the pinnacle of earth pony physique, sculpted from a lifetime of honest labor, with a kick that could send any one of us flying for miles, and she’s here to win. Specifically, she intends to win the means to improve infrastructure in the frontier town of Appleoosa, ensuring their ability to thrive and prosper for generations to come.”

AJ could have done without all the flowery language, but neither could she really argue with any of the points made. It took a bit of effort to keep her head up high under all this attention. Thankfully, Rarity had given them all some coaching in how to deal with stage fright. She just needed to keep her head in the game and eye on the prize. And when it came to the mention of her kicking prowess, she gave in to her inner showboat and delivered a roundhouse kick in the open air. The crowd went nuts.

“An excellent display,” Booming observed. “But let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, folks. Keijo might be on the books as a combative sport, but the use of arms and legs for such offensive moves are strictly forbidden. I’m afraid we won’t be seeing the strong and sensual Apple Jack’s kicks today,” the mare in question pursed her lips as her cheeks reddened, “although that doesn’t mean she won’t treat us to some other specialized techniques!” He actually had no idea about how the rules of the game would affect AJ’s fighting style. This was just one of those empty promises meant to rile up the viewers that no pony would ever call him out on.

“This next mare has been unanimously declared the official sweetheart of the Mane Six.” Thoughtful gave her words a somewhat stern overtone, implicitly advising the audience to maintain civility and keep their volume to a more manageable level. “We have the darling, Fluttershy!”

As advised, the audience kept their cheers to a more controlled level, Although this did little to ease the mare’s nerves, resulting in fewer cheers and more declarations of ‘daw’ at the mare’s weaponized adorability.

“This tender hearted lovely comes to us in a one piece, leafy green suit with adorable white frills. Probably not the best for combat effectiveness, but who cares. She’s adorable! And no, folks. You’re eyes aren’t deceiving you. She might be built like an earth pony, but this mare is a tried and true pegasus. Despite her timid demeanor, she’s been known to chastise even the fiercest of dragons into submission. Her plans are for the prize are modest, much like herself, to donate to the White Tail Animal Preserve, ensuring that all those cute little critters have good food and good housing.”

Fluttershy wasn’t in an arena. She wasn’t surrounded by hundreds of thousands of millions of piercing, judgmental eyes, judging her every flinch as something to be mocked at later. This was the homemade arena the Apples had built in their private pond for her and the other girls to train on. The only audience was her close friends, and the noise was because her little animals were easily excitable. That was why, despite hiding behind her long pink mane, she was able to give a shy wave. And she most certainly didn’t notice the way the central screens zoomed in on her bouncing breasts and buttocks.

“Last, but certainly not least, is a mare who needs no introduction, folks,” Booming began. “Celestia’s number one student, Bearer of the Element of Magic, and Ponyville’s greatest librarian. She is the one, the only, Twiliiight Sparkllle!”

Thanks to Booming’s well practiced buildup, the crowd absolutely lost their minds. It was a miracle Fluttershy didn’t either make a run for it or go catatonic.

“Twilight Sparkle comes to us in a modest white two piece, emblazoned with none other than the royal sun of Princess Celestia.” Booming paused to let the audience get their Celestia cheers out of their system. “Her swimsuit’s simplicity provides an extra layer of versatility, allowing the mare to alternate between styles on a moment’s notice. Although her friends describe her as more of a bookworm and magician, Twilight has been training for months for today’s contest. Both she and Rarity’s horn rings have been checked for authenticity, meaning this brainiac is going to need to rely on strategy instead of spellcraft. This mare plans to share her love of learning by funding renovations to schools across the countryside, ensuring that every foal has what they need to grow up well-rounded.”

Twilight took several measured breaths as she followed behind the others. While she waved to the audience in general, her eyes never left the VIP box where Celestia and her family were watching. They had the only opinions she cared about. And although she knew they’d be proud of her no matter what, she intended to come home with the gold.

“This is so awesome,” RD said in barely contained excitement. “Be a lot more awesome without these stupid things.” She gestured at her wing bindings, which strained as she flexed.

“Ya brought that one on yerself, sugar cube,” AJ reminded. “We tried to get ‘em ta put ya on the honor system like Fluttershy, but ya jus’ couldn’t keep them things still.”

“Hey! Not my fault I’m a born flyer.”

“Considering how much time you devote to training, darling, I’d say you bare a goodly portion of the responsibility.” Rarity kept her eyes on the crowd as she and her fellow contestants arranged themselves along the pool’s edge and began their warmup exercises. All the while the screens would periodically alternate close ups on whichever mare provided the most eye-catching view.

RD opened her mouth to argue, but gave a defeated sigh instead. “Okay, fine. I’ll admit it takes effort to be as awesome as me.” She was bending over to touch her hooves, smirking as she pretended not to notice the pony with the camera behind her.

“I’m wearing wing bindings, too,” Fluttershy added quietly. “You know, if that helps.”

“Really sucky how they’re treating you guys,” Pinkie observed, genuinely not noticing the way her teats were being viewed from the side as she ran in place. “Horn rings and wing bindings? I mean, I get that it’s to help make everything fair, but it’s really not fair, ya know.”

“Ah hear ya,” AJ agreed. “Now it’ll feel like Ah’m only winin’ cuz all mah competition was handicapped. That ain’t sportsmanlike.”

“Keep dreaming, thunder thighs,” RD scoffed. “I’m the only one here who’s a professional athlete. The win’s as good as mine.”

“Jus’ wait ‘til the match starts,” AJ said, smiling through gritted teeth. “Ah’ll show ya what these thunder thighs can really do.”

“Oh right. Friendly pregame trash talk,” Twilight muttered, remembering the books she’d read back in the locker room. “Well, uh, like the announcer said. I’ve spent the last few weeks studying tactics and formulating the perfect strategy to take you guys down.” She beamed proudly. “Did I say it right?”

Pinkie giggled.

“What?”

“You realize three of us can take you out just by sitting on you, right?”

“I-is that allowed?” Fluttershy stammered.

“It’s actually an audience favorite,” Twilight informed. “So long as the buttocks of the mare doing the sitting doesn’t touch the Land, it’s perfectly legal.”

“Oh dear. I really hope I don’t hurt any of you.”

“Yeah right!” RD scoffed.

*SMACK*

“Eep!”

As the crowd went wild, the rainbow mare pulled her hand away from her larger friend’s rippling backside. “You’re basically encased in a marshmallow shield. I’m pretty sure you could sit on a fly and not squish it.”

“Oh, well, that’s a relief,” the blushing yellow mare admitted. She’d been startled out of her jumping jacks and was now rubbing at her sore rump.

“At the same time, your body is like a giant sponge for kinetic force,” Twilight added. “You, and Pinkie to a lesser extent, will be able to take just about any kind of hit and barely notice.”

“Oh, they’ll notice, alright,” AJ boasted with a proud body builder’s flex. “Ya’ll can be sure ‘f that if ya try ta take on this mountain o’ muscle.”

“Try not to sink, Ms. Mountain,” RD teased. But in all seriousness, she knew AJ would be her biggest competition. They’d been rivals for years now, competing in just about every field they could think of. She knew her opponent’s abilities and vice versa.

“I hear a lot of big talk coming from what the polls are calling the audience favorites,” Rarity stated, still keeping her attention on the audience. “The muscled mare vs. the speedy demon. But I, my friends, am a lady. A lady does not brag. A lady acts.”

“Wow, that’s a good one,” Twilight awed.

“Thank you. It just came to me.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble, girls, but this prize is going to the therapeutic clowns. Healing the body by healing the spirit isn’t just a motto, it’s a fundamental fact!”

“A truly noteworthy cause, but I’m afraid investing in ponies is the far wiser course. It promotes self-reliance, community spirit, and all success will directly lead to more ponies getting help in the future.”

“Appleoosa needs better infrastructure, ‘specially after the near disaster of this year’s drought.”

“Ponyville might be adequate, but the public schools in other out-of-the-way towns are a joke. They barely even have any books from the last decade.”

“You want to uplift spirits? Then keep troubled foals off the streets with some community centers! Did wonders for me.”

“Well, the animals of White Tail rely on donations to keep fed and warm, but I guess your ideas are good, too.”

All six mares turned their heads away in a defiant huff, except for Twilight and Fluttershy who took a second to catch on. Twilight remembered that this was the part in the competition where the player’s competitive drives and conflicting goals came to a head and they all were competitors in this sport which only had one winner. Granted, even the most conservative estimates of the money coming in would be more than enough for them to split and achieve all of their goals, but this was how it was written in the book. For the remainder of the competition, they would have to be rivals.

“Today’s competition will be held on a road Land set up!” Booming announced. “As you can see, there are several circular platforms scattered across the pool and connected by thin bridges in a pseudo maze; all anchored down to the pool floor below. Each mare will have a different starting point from which to derive their strategy.”

“This form of Land allows for an unusual level of free movement compared to others,” Thoughtful pointed out. “For our players, it will be more difficult to track the competition’s movements. The relative smallness of the Lands may also prove more of a hindrance, depending on the mare’s fighting style. Ultimately, this arena was chosen by today’s judges for its spectacle. This show is all about you, folks.”

Placing his hand over his mic, Booming leaned over. “They’re really eating this up,” he said, his voice barely audible over the audience’s cheering.

“You noticed?” Thoughtful observed with a subtle smirk, her hand also cupped over her mic. “Well it’s true. It all comes down to spectacle. That’s how charities do their thing.”

“And this is how announcers do ours.” Booming uncovered his mic. “Alright, ladies. It’s about that time. Please assemble at your designated starts.”

The Mane Six did as instructed. Their designated starts were all Lands painted to resemble their cutie marks, so they were hard to miss. Thin wooden bridges allowed them to cross over the pool, only to be pulled back once they’d settled. Each Land was rocking their bodies around, acclimating their sense of balance to the unsteady floats. The judges would give them about a minute to the unsteady Lands before starting the match.

The audience was on the edge of their seats, whispering quietly between themselves. They discussed who their favorite mare was, whom they’d bet on to win, and what their odds were. AJ and RD were indeed crowd favorites, but that didn’t diminish the loyal fan following each mare had for one reason or another. Some of the audience believed that one charity was more deserving than another while others just liked a particular mare as a celebrity. Whatever their reason, the quiet clamor of the spectators reinforced that there was a lot riding on this match.

“So who are you betting on?” asked Luna.

“I’m just here to watch,” Thomas replied.

“Really?” Moonlight skeptically inquired. “You’re honestly going to tell me you don’t have a favorite down there?”

Thomas shrugged. “Can’t really say. I’ve only done a little reading on them, and the ‘experts’ in the papers all have really good arguments for how all of them have their own advantages and weaknesses. It’s really anyone’s match. Although I think we all know who Tali’s hoping to win,” he finished, hoping to divert attention from himself.

“I’m backing the apple farmer.” The griffon’s comment turned several heads. “What? Fluttershy’s cute, but she’s just not built for competitions. She doesn't have the drive to succeed, like Rainbow and Applejack. She doesn't have the mental fortitude and aggressiveness to pursue and attack an opponent. She might be great as a poster girl and as eye candy for this sport. No, Fluttershy's either doing this to support her friends, or she simply lacked the backbone to say no when being recruited. And yes, I'm aware that she has tamed dragons and manticores, but life-threatening situations aside, she's a submissive, meek wallflower than a dominating, aggressive warrior.

“The little blue scrapper might have the advantage on the bridges. However, if the farmer plays her cards right and sticks to the big Lands, her opponents won’t have anywhere to run. She’ll dominate through sheer force. That’s where the smart money is.”

This started a small debate in the box. Twilight’s family was vehemently on her side, while Celestia carefully avoided announcing any direct support. Like Talon, most of the other concubines had their own reasons for supporting one candidate over the other. Luna was with Thomas and a minority of others not really having a stake in the match’s outcome. They just wanted to see the show.

Thomas, meanwhile, was quietly wondering to himself about the power he now wielded. Keijo wasn’t the first, or latest idea he’d shared with the Equestrians, but these people seemed insatiable for anything he had to offer. All it took was a few words from him and an entirely new industry would be born in a matter of months. With such power, he knew he had an obligation to use it for good. At the same time, there was something to be said about the merits of evil if it meant buxom beauties in sexy swimsuits fighting with their boobs and butts.

“And that’s the cue from the judges,” Thoughtful informed, rendering all other voices silent.

“Alright ladies,” Booming cheered. “On your marks. Get set…” He waited, keeping his eye on the stallion standing off to the side and holding the string under a large bell. Inside he was squeeing with glee, thanking the stallion for drawing out the suspense like this. Finally the bell stallion moved and Booming timed his words to match the *Gong*. “Gooo!”

Once more doing exactly what everypony expected, RD was the first to move, launching herself over a bridge and making a mad dash for her opponent. “Sorry, Fluttershy. Gotta take out the small fry before I can take on the big fish.” She shot a wink at AJ.

Fluttershy froze. The tiny blue blur was heading straight for her like a bullet. She hadn’t left her starting Land yet, meaning she had nowhere to run. Already she was regretting volunteering to have her wings bound. If nothing else, she could use them for balance to cross the bridges more easily. That much was legal. At least, that would be the case, if they weren’t frozen solid to her back anyway. After all, who wouldn’t be a little nervous going up against RD right off the bat? Then, before she could spend too much time dwelling on how hopeless this situation was, she remembered the faces of all the little animals that were counting on her. In her mind’s eye she was them shivering in the cold or pitifully pawing at empty food bowls. With renewed resolve, Fluttershy concluded that if there was nowhere for her to run, then she had no choice but to stand her ground.

RD grinned, proud of her oldest friend for not backing down. She’d have to treat her to milkshakes or something later; after she’d won the match, of course. Remembering her earlier assessment of the yellow mare’s marshmallow shield, RD slowed down just before entering Fluttershy’s Land. The two exchanged a quick look before the speedster slammed her hoof down hard on the Land’s edge. A wall of water was splashed up, obscuring both mares’ views. With a predatory smirk, RD jumped to the left, ducked low, and twisted her body to deliver a butt slam into her pegasister’s lower leg.

*WHOOSH*

“What the!?” For the briefest moment, the sun had been completely blocked out. All RD could see was the vast expanse of yellow mare ass contained in a swimsuit that – in hindsight – was probably sized a bit too small for her. Every square inch of her body was being hugged by the fabric with tender affection, leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. The great plains of eclipsing ass seemed to be moving in slow motion across the sky, brushing ever so slightly over RD’s mane. Then the sun finally came out and RD jumped back as far as she’d dared to assess the situation.

“Brilliant,” Twilight observed. “Rainbow’s splash didn’t just block Fluttershy’s view, but hers as well. And instead of just staying put where Rainbow expected her to be, Fluttershy jumped back and delivered a broad swing of her ass like a chain mace. It might have been a blind sweep, but if Rainbow hadn’t already ducked down, that would have taken her out for sure.”

“Hehe. That’s why everypony calls you the smart one.”

Twilight made a startled horse noise and jumped back. Somehow Pinkie had appeared on the Land adjacent to hers without her even realizing. “How’d you get there?”

“I walked, silly,” was Pinkie’s simple reply. She was just standing idle, hands behind her back and swaying her body from side-to-side, giving her boobs and butt a bouncing and swaying motion.

Twilight checked where Pinkie’s starting Land was compared to her current location and ran some quick calculations. For Pinkie to have moved so quickly in so short a time, it would require a speed that could only be described as supernatural. Twilight felt a knot growing in her gut, eased only by the recognition that there was no bridge directly connecting her to Pinkie at this time.

“You’re the smart one of our group, but folks call me the wild card.”

Twilight swallowed audibly. There was something in Pinkie’s voice; a strange tone she didn’t care for, that made her fur stand on end.

“I’m the one who does the unexpected, the unplannable,” Pinkie continued, spreading her legs and assuming a fighting stance. “You’re a great magician, Twilight. Probably the best ever. If given enough time, I’m certain you’d come up with the perfect plan to get us all wet.”

“Phrasing!” a random spectator announced.

“But in a pinch, you overthink. And if you don’t have time, how can you handle the wild card?” Pinkie’s grin was toothy and monstrous. She was a predator who had found her prey. She wasn’t merely confident in her ability to make the kill. Oh no. This was a predator who was certain.

“Eep.”

“Good answer.” And Pinkie jumped high in the air.

“Not-good-not-good-not-good!” Twilight chanted as she frantically ran across the bridge, her thoughts lingering on just how right Pinkie was. The earth mare was the living, breathing, pinking wrench in the unicorn’s plans. If this were a game of rock-paper-scissors, then Twilight was the paper to Pinkie’s scissors. Pinkie was also right that Twilight only needed time to devise an effective strategy. Time meant distancing herself from all threats until she could think. Time did not mean looking back to see the tremendous splash of Pinkie landing on the purple Land, only to emerge butt first from the wall of water like a pink guillotine. Twilight was only barely able to duck down in time for Pinkie to fly over her.

“Bring it, prissy!”

“Consider it brought, brute!”

With everypony else picking their dance partner, it seemed only natural that AJ and Rarity would end up together. They’d charged head on at one another, but both stopped at the last minute to spin around and deliver a butt sweep at the other’s left. For now, at least, they were locked in a stalemate as their flanks pressed firmly against one another.

“Heh. Yer tougher than ya look,” AJ said over her shoulder, blushing slightly at the pressure against her flank. It was dangerously close to her cutie mark.

“I, ugh, wish I couldn, ngh, say the same,” Rarity struggled to retort. As much as she hated to admit it, a unicorn being tougher than she looked wasn’t saying much when compared to the raw muscle that was AJ. She knew meeting AJ head on in a show of strength was a bad idea that was doomed from the start, but that was exactly what she wanted her opponent to think.

“Keep dreamin’, sugar cube. Maybe in another ten years you’ll-hey!”

Rarity had squatted down. Like RD, she was using her opponent’s superior size to her own advantage. AJ hadn’t expected this, and so her body was starting to turn in a way that compromised her balance. She’d recover soon enough, but this was Rarity’s window. The white unicorn squatted down even lower, her eyes never leaving her opponent’s round and supple rear as it streaked across. Even in what were basically swim shorts, Rarity couldn’t help but admire how her work brought out the apple mare’s sumptuous curves. Then, when she had AJ at the perfect angle, Rarity braced her hands on her legs and straightened up, still bending over. The upward force of Rarity’s elegant bottom hit AJ squarely in the tail bone, where the muscles of her rump offered no protection.

“Yipe!” AJ finally regained her balance, following through on her spin to deliver a swipe of her breasts. Unfortunately, continuing the spin required changing the weight she put on her hooves, sending a jolt of pain through her lower back. The flinch was enough to telegraph her attack, as well as give Rarity time to retreat to a safer distance.

Author's Notes:

Started all the way back in 2017, when Keijo was actually relevant. Going with the mane 6 was an easy choice, since it saved me from having to create new characters from scratch. And the idea of celebrities doing things like this for charity seemed like a plausible excuse to get everyone where they needed to be. There had even been a plan to have Luna and Celestia sneak in in disguise, but that just seemed excessive.

While anxious at first, since I rarely write fight choreography, I had a lot of fun fleshing out these matches. Most of the time I was completely in the dark about who would win or in what way and just let the characters tell me their story. I actually had a window of Keijo episodes that I’d pause to view every now and then to make sure I was capturing the spirit of the game without directly copying.

Mostly I just found the entire premise of Keijo so ridiculous that it deserved a bit more attention, even if it has fallen off most people’s radar since. This is my tribute to a quaint little product using my quaint little world as a setting. Hints are dropped regarding events in the main story, but nothing concrete.

This is meant to be a standalone, and I hope you guys like it.

Big thanks to my Patrons.
Tier 1: Nobody at this time
Tier 2: Arthur Daniel Caro, Cerberi, and Josh
Tier 3: Jonathan Applewhaite, kent, Nakey Jakey, and AuthorGenesis

Chapter 2

“My goodness!” Booming announced. “I was honestly expecting the tribes to pair off against each other, but it looks like we’ve got a good ol’ fashioned battle of the sizes here.”

“Indeed, Booming,” Thoughtful commented thoughtfully. “And the best example of this would appear to be Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash.”

“That’s right, Thoughtful. Rainbow is hopping all over that tiny Land like a grasshopper. Boy, what a determined little scrapper. Fluttershy can’t even keep up.”

“She might not need to, Booming. Rainbow’s style leans more towards being an out-fighter, meaning she keeps her distance most of the time and relies on speed to throw her opponent off track. Fluttershy’s build enables her to shrug off just about everything Rainbow can throw at her. This would make her more of a counter, meaning she’s using her opponent’s strengths against her. At the rate they’re going, all Fluttershy really needs to do is maintain a defensive stance until Rainbow tires herself out.”

“Speaking of hopping, I’ve never seen an earth pony pull off moves like that. Yes, folks. It looks like Twilight is at her wit’s end just trying to avoid her hyper opponent. Then again, the way they’re moving, I’d say their more likely to slip off than be knocked off.”

“Very possible, Booming, but let’s not forget the case where small actually seems to be winning. Apple Jack is moving pretty slowly thanks to that injury. Her legs have always been the source of her power in the past, so how does she plan on overcoming this situation with her limp?”

“You can do it, AJ!” called a little yellow filly from the stands. “Ah believe in you.”

“E’yup!”

By the time the announcers had offered their commentary, RD had already decided to retreat to the bridge to recover her breath. “Dammit,” she swore under her breath. Fighting Fluttershy was like punching water. Sure, she could make ripples, but it’s not like that actually made her opponent move. Her best chance had been to catch the mare before she put her guard up and aim for somewhere she wasn’t so soft. At the very least her butt wasn’t terribly sore after delivering all those hits.

Anypony even remotely familiar with martial arts would have had nothing but criticism for Fluttershy’s defensive stance. She was open to attack from virtually every angle. The way she held her arms in front of her showed a lack of confidence that any opponent could have easily taken advantage of. It was only thanks to the unique nature of this competition that these weaknesses could be mostly ignored. However, she was still cornered in the same spot.

RD ran through several strategies in her head. She could try for another splash decoy, but Fluttershy would most likely counterbalance the Land. Normally against an opponent of this size and in this position, she’d go for a power attack. Bigger opponents were slower, so there was little risk of them dodging and her launching herself into defeat. The force would travel into her opponent, knocking her back while also giving RD sufficient cushioning so that she didn’t go flying with her. However, Fluttershy’s build made any direct attacks to the torso next to useless. Besides, Fluttershy was notorious for surprising nay-sayers in the past. Her best bet would be to lure Fluttershy into attacking, and then taking advantage of her lesser speed, but that kind of attack was antithetical to the mare’s counter style. No. What this situation called for, was cunning.

“Guess you don’t really care about the animals, after all.”

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me. Animals. Caring. You don’t.”

“Th-that’s not true. Wh-why would you say that?” Fluttershy stammered, sounding hurt.

“Don’t listen to her, Shy,” Talon called. “She’s baiting you!”

“I said it cuz it’s obvious.” Seeing Fluttershy’s lip quiver like that sent an arrow through the blue speedster’s heart. In her mind she was carefully measuring each word to provide maximum provocation with minimum hurt feelings. They’d even agreed back in the locker rooms that trash talk was fair game and that all obviously provocative statements weren’t meant to be taken personally.

“We all came here cuz there’s something we believe in. There’s ways we want to help and make things better. Everypony else is doing their best and giving it their all,” RD gestured out to where the others were fighting. “Everypony… but you. You’re just standing there, not doing anything, because that’s how little you care.”

“S-stop it, Rainbow Dash. I… I know what you’re doing, and it-it’s not w-working?”

“What am I doing? Am I trying to make you move, to take action, to prove you actually have something worth fighting for? Is that what I’m doing? Is that what’s not working? Is it, Shy? Is it!?”

Fluttershy was trembling now. Mentally she understood that her friend was just saying things to rile her up. It was just like Twilight had taught her during their strategy seminars that angering an opponent was a good way to make them careless. Emotionally, however, she was hurting. RD’s words hurt. RD was her friend, and friends didn’t hurt each other like this. Stop it, Rainbow. Stop it. Even in her mind her words were barely above a whisper.

“Clearly I should win. I put in the hours years before Keijo was even a thing.” Doesn’t really make sense, but whatever. “I’m going to win, Shy. That means you’re going to lose. No new animal kennels.”

B-b-but they need places to sleep.

“Only the cheapest of expired pet food!”

Wait… no. “No. They’ll get sick if its expired.”

“In fact, I was actually thinking about working with the nature preserve ponies to put together a kind of petting zoo arrangement. Get the foals liking animals early, ya know.”

Fluttershy’s ears perked up. Finally RD was sounding like RD again.

“But if you’re not going to put in the effort, then why should I?”

An audible *SNAP* was heard well up into the nosebleed section. It was at that time that RD realized she might have crossed a line.

“Oops.”

“Ai-yi-yi-yi-yi!” Fluttershy’s war cry was like something out of Daring Do, where the crazed tribesponies would swarm on the protagonist. RD never thought she’d be able to hear the real thing in person, and now she wished she never had. She was getting exactly what she’d hoped for, and was already regretting every bit of it.

Fluttershy launched herself from the Land with approximately the force of a speeding train engine. Her eyes were red with rage and steam was literally bellowing from her ears and nostrils. She wasn’t entirely a savage beast, though. When she was close enough to attack, she remembered to do so with her cleavage, bringing her heaving breasts down upon the smaller pegasus like a great hammer onto a teeny tiny nail.

*WHOOSH*

The sweeping gust of wind was audible.

Figuring something like this would happen, and that Fluttershy would anticipate another duck downwards, RD instead jumped straight up and out of the bigger mare’s range. Fluttershy just stared in confusion, unable to use her hands to grab at her opponent, exactly as RD expected. And although the speedster was equally limited by the lack of wings, she’d trained for precisely this scenario. She kicked back and up while throwing her upper body down and forward, creating a slight spin. She’d timed it just right so that her (not) flat chest made contact with the back of Fluttershy’s head. The angle of the impact combined with the mare’s momentum to utterly throw her off balance.

Fluttershy staggered a moment, but she was too top heavy and her legs were too far behind her. Instead of the bridge, it was the water she saw directly below her. A single flap of her large wings would have been more than enough to save her, to grant her those precious extra seconds to bring her hooves beneath her tremendous figure. Instead, the merciless force that was gravity had seized hold of her titanic titties and was pulling them down with the possessiveness of an entitled parent at the supermarket. All was lost.

*SPLASH*

*Ding Ding*

“And she’s out!” Booming announced as the screens depicted an animation of Fluttershy’s portrait falling into the water. “Fluttershy is the first to fall out of the ring! Loser!” He had to speak extra loudly over the torrent of boos and swears. Few had actually expected Fluttershy to win, but they were no less wrathful for the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad mare who had unjustly taken her out.

Fluttershy resurfaced a few seconds later, the coolness of the water having calmed her down. Immediately she realized where she was and what had happened. Floating in place, she turned to see where her friend had landed. RD stood there, stoically watching over Fluttershy like a gargoyle guarding a castle. The two shared a look.

“Honestly, I hadn’t actually thought about the petting zoo thing until just now,” the speedster admitted plainly.

Fluttershy gave no response.

RD crossed her arms over her (not) flat chest and lifted her chin in pride. “Actually, not a bad idea, if I do say so myself. I’m sure the foals’ll love it.”

Fluttershy sniffled. She wasn’t crying. That was just pool water. But she nodded vehemently and gave RD a thumbs-up. The speedster returned the gesture, relieved by the reconciliation over this protracted feud that the two had been brooding over for countless seconds, which were monitored on the screen.

With a clear head, RD gave Fluttershy one final nod before dashing off to her next opponent.

Twilight must have crossed six different Lands by this point. Running in serpentine was no easy feat when everything was so narrow and at right angles. But no matter where she went or how fast she moved, the terrible terror that was Pinkie Pie on a mission dogged her every step of the way.

Dammit! This is getting me nowhere, the bookworm thought to herself. There’s no way I can outlast Pinkie in a game of endurance. But if I attack, there’s no way to predict how she’ll react.

“Got’ch’ya!”

Thankfully, Twilight had been on one of the circular Lands when she’d heard that, enabling her to dodge to the side just in time to hear a mighty thunder clap. Squatting low and with her hooves far apart, she looked back. Where her head had been, there were only Pinkie’s breasts being pressed together by her hands. As the pink mare continued in her leap, Twilight understood that if she’d been even a second slower, the impact from Pinkie’s breasts upon her skull would have been enough to knock her out, and possibly give her a concussion. Those pink melons were dangerous.

Pinkie landed on the nearby bridge with the grace of a ballerina and turned bodily to face Twilight. “Almost had you there, didn’t I.”

Again, there was that tone. Something in Pinkie’s words made Twilight’s skin crawl. Her instincts as a former prey animal were screaming out to her to run. There was real danger, and she needed to get away. Except there was nowhere for her to go. This Land only had bridges on two sides. She could go back the way she came, but that would leave her open to another of Pinkie’s leaping attacks, and she doubted the next one would miss.

Nowhere to run. No time to plan. Twilight’s thoughts raced at the speed of light. She thought about the road Land and how it was all connected. Useless without time to plan. She crunched the numbers on Pinkie’s athletic ability relative to her own. In every way she was outmatched. She tried thinking about the strategy books she’d committed to memory. This was a test, and she’d done everything possible to study. So what was the answer? And why was it getting harder to think?

Pinkie held her hands behind her back, swaying her body and wagging her tail in a show of childlike innocence. “I can see it in your eye, Twi. You’re overthinking things again. You always do that when you get in a bind.”

Twilight had to adjust her hoofing to keep from falling. Why was she getting so drowsy all of a sudden?

“The worst part is you know you’re doing it,” Pinkie continued, still swaying. “So you start thinking about overthinking, which leads to even more overthinking, and thinking about not thinking, which is just another kind of thinking. Think-think-think, Twilight. Think.” Breasts sway to the left. “Think.” Breasts sway to the right. “Think.” Breasts sway to the left again.

When she realized what was happening, Twilight slammed her open palms against her upper cheeks at full force. *SMACK* Her thoughts were clear again. “No fair using teat hypnosis!”

Pinkie’s smile was ever so slightly condescending. “I dare you to look in the rule book to see where it says I’m not allowed.”

“Chh,” Twilight hissed. Pinkie knew that she’d already memorized the rules. She was being taunted, teased by an overwhelming opponent of unknowable power. What could she do?

“You might as well give up,” Pinkie offered companionably. “It’s alright, you know. Like I said, you’re the smart magician. Everypony expects you to be unbeatable in magic, or even a written test, but no pony can be good at everything. Athletics just aren’t your thing, and that’s fine. The world would be so boring if everypony was the same. We’ve all got our own unique talents.” She turned her hip to the side, showing off her cutie mark with a roll of her rump that was caught on camera. “My talents just happen to be better suited to stuff like this. So what’s the harm in giving up?”

“You’re right,” Twilight admitted, leading to several audible gasps in the audience. “When it comes to sporty stuff, I’m barely a bench warmer. The most non-magical activity I do on most days is walk up the stairs, and even then I’ll sometimes use magic as a short cut. It might not be the healthiest lifestyle, but I’m proud of my magic and what I can do with it!”

The smile on Pinkie’s face never wavered. She was sincerely happy for her friend. “I’m glad you understand.” And she took a step forward.

“Oh, I understand, alright.”

Pinkie paused mid-step. Twilight’s tone was defiant and challenging. Based on her posturing, it looked like the purple mare was revving up to cast a spell that could tear through a mountain, but the horn ring was still in place. What was happening?

“I understand that I don’t do what I do just because it’s a talent. I worked my ass off to get where I am today. I studied until I was literally thinking in theorems. I stayed up night after night to make sure I understood everything perfectly. I was ready to go into the Everfree Forest alone to fight Nightmare Moon, even if the rest of you hadn’t forced me to take you along. And that bullheadedness ended up giving me the best friends I’ve ever had. I’m Twilight Sparkle, dammit! Win or lose, that means I’m not allowed to give up!”

All was quiet for a second. Even the other competitors had paused to listen to the mare’s speech. After a time, the silence was broken by a single pony clapping. This pony was joined by a second, and then a third and fourth. Somewhere in there was the twentieth. Soon the entire stadium was applauding, but none were louder than Pinkie Pie.

“Damn straight, you’re Twilight Sparkle!” the pink pronker cheered, clapping so violently that it sent ripples through the water. “This wouldn’t be as much fun if you weren’t.”

Grinning in challenge, Twilight charged forward. Pinkie had been right. Overthinking was her weakness, especially against Pinkie’s chaos. Her only solution was to let the adrenaline flow and trust in her instincts. And so she did. She started with a feint, swinging her butt low to go for Pinkie’s knees. Pinkie jumped, realizing all too late that she’d left herself open. Twilight’s next instinct was to spin around, bend over, and launch herself straight up.

Pinkie, however, pulled a Pinkie. She pulled a move that should have been impossible, twisting her back in such a way that hurt just to look at. Twilight’s attack missed, but maybe that was fine. The way Pinkie was coming down on the bridge, it looked like she might hit face first. Hands were forbidden and there didn’t seem to be time to pull herself out of the dive.

Twilight allowed herself to hope.

Then Pinkie stopped. She’d stopped in midair, her face mere inches from the Land.

“H-how?” Twilight stammered, unable to see anything but the mare’s butt cheeks beneath the tail that had inadvertanly flagged. She followed the sight down until she saw it.

Pinkie hadn’t just jumped over Twilight’s initial feint. For whatever reason, she’d seen fit to do so like a ballerina, doing the splits as one leg hugged closely to her chest. It was the hoof attached to this leg that had hit the Land first. From there, it was a simple (for Pinkie) matter of just using her tail to hold her balance.

“Clever girl.”

Beaming at the compliment and still balancing on one leg, Pinkie spun around and slammed her boobs into the side of Twilight’s head. The purple mare had been too stunned to dodge in time, and went over.

*SPLASH*

*Ding Ding*

“She’s out!” Thoughtful announced, sounding genuinely shocked by this turn of events. Like everypony else, she’d expected that such a rousing speech was the prelude to a short term victory. That’s how things usually went in Equestria. Unfortunately, usually wasn’t the same as always. The screens showed an animation of Twilight’s portrait falling into the water. “Twilight Sparkle has been knocked out! Loser!”

Twilight surface, coughing up a bit of chemically cleaned water.

“I beat Twilight Sparkle,” Pinkie declared, looking down at the purple mare. “I beat her, ‘cuz she didn’t give up.”

Twilight had no choice but to give a heartfelt smile at Pinkie’s endearing words. “Looks like I’m all wet.”

“Hehe. I got Twilight Sparkle wet.” That got a few immature chuckles from the audience. “And now I’m off to do the same to my friends, leaving me as the last one dry!” She threw her fist up into the air in what was meant to be a heroic pose.

…

Silence had befallen the stadium, broken only by the sound of crickets.

“Did, uh, that sound better in your head?” Twilight asked.

“Yes. Yes it did.” And the pair stared awkwardly at one another for a bit. “Oh well. Time to get my friends wet,” Pinkie proclaimed as she took off running down a bridge. “Shoot! I did it again.”

Meanwhile, Rarity and AJ had been using a relatively isolated section of the road Land to exchange blows. Butts were used for delivering punches as well as to block them as both mares squatted low. Every now and then they’d try a feint, or a high or low swing to catch their opponent off guard, but it always went right back to butt punching.

AJ was still moving with a bit of a limp, meaning that she couldn’t put as much power into her blows as normal. If she could have, she’d easily be able to knock Rarity into the water with just three or four strikes. Rarity was taking advantage of her friend’s weakness by repeatedly aiming for the same spot, in the hopes of wearing her down. Unfortunately, it appeared as though her earlier blow was as much the result of luck as timing, and her luck had run out. She could no longer hit AJ’s tail bone as she had previously, always blocked by the superior muscle that insulated the orange mare’s butt. AJ also maintained a height advantage, which allowed her to punch low or high at her leisure, while Rarity was limited to more predictable low blows.

This is getting me nowhere, but I can’t let up, Rarity told herself. If AJ was allowed to retreat, to get even a minute’s worth of recovery, she’d be right as rain and the fashionista would be done for. This, Rarity knew to be an irrefutable truth. Her only hope at this point was to keep pressing the attack and hope that she either got lucky again or that she came up with a better plan.

“I won’t… bother t-telling you to… to give up,” Rarity struggled to say between blows. “We b-both know you’re as s-stubborn as a m-mule.”

“Hehe. Ah take-,” she hissed in pain, “th-that as a compliment.”

“But… there’s only-y one… way this is going… to end! Keijo is a… lady’s sport. And… I am the most… ladylike… here!”

“We’ll see how-” Applejack once again drew a hissing breath as her tailbone continued to lance pain as she moved around. “… ladylike ya are after Ah-” AJ grunted as she exerted her body for her next move. “… sit on yer face!” AJ spun and began running laps along the outskirts of the Land around Rarity. There wasn’t enough room to get much momentum, but that wasn’t her plan. Knowing Rarity’s eyes would be glued to her, AJ still stopped midstride, with her body practically horizontal, kicked upwards, and threw her body into a spin. The sheer mass of her boobies and buttocks caught a lot of wind resistance, but she was still being carried by the force of her kick, right at Rarity’s middle.

The fashionista couldn’t help but be impressed by the daring of such a complex attack. There wasn’t time to dodge to the side. The way the spin was aimed, Rarity had the option to duck low or attempt to jump over. Ducking seemed to be the easiest way to evade, but AJ would be expecting that. No doubt she planned on planting her hoof down mid-spin and follow through with her momentum to strike Rarity with her titanic titties. Jumping over had a lot more risk, especially given Rarity’s rather sedentary lifestyle, but it also had a higher chance of AJ being unable to follow through with her attack. On top of that, whether or not the attack connected, AJ was doomed to further aggravate her injury once she landed. AJ was throwing her all into a gamble, hoping for a quick victory would grant her the precious seconds needed to recover.

Rarity made her choice. Crouching low, she propelled herself forward, directly between the spinning guillotines that were AJ’s bottom and boobage. She reasoned that any sort of attack would have to come from somewhere up top. As such, she kept her ears fully perked and paid special attention to any disturbances from her mane. Even so, her angle of approach would make it difficult to evade.

AJ felt that she understood Rarity’s reasoning, but couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to the fashionista’s strategy. Without knowing what to expect, her only option was to go with her original plan and willfully spring whatever trap lay in store. She did, extending one leg out and hitting the Land. She carefully bent her knee to absorb most of the impact. From there she adjusted the angle of her spin to bring her ass directly into Rarity’s path. If the unicorn feinted or tried to pull back at the last minute, AJ could just continue her spin until her bust was brought into play, once more using her superior size to her advantage.

Rarity allowed herself the faintest of smiles at how willingly AJ had played right into her hands. Instead of slowing down or pulling a feint, she also adjusted her angle of approach by pivoting on one hoof. This spun her body around into a prime Keijo punching position. Her target was AJ’s thigh. Given the bigger mare’s awkward pose and bodily trajectory, compromising her balance now would leave her with no chance of recovering. Ducking her head low with ass held high, Rarity thrust her white bottom out… Except that her target wasn’t there.

“What!?”

AJ was still spinning and flew right over Rarity’s head. She’d only left her hoof on the Land briefly to adjust her approach, but quickly kicked off to redouble her spin before Rarity could counter. This time she brought both hooves down onto the Land, again bending her knees to absorb the bulk of the impact. Her center of gravity was virtually nonexistent with her body standing diagonal like that. She’d not be able to stand for long, but she had no plan to.

Rarity saw the silhouettes of the grand mountains of meat with the clouds up above before she saw the real things. AJ’s top held her teats firm in most cases. However, the nature of Keijo meant that a bit of room to freely move around was still necessary. As such, AJ’s breasts hadn’t quite caught up with her body’s new trajectory, meaning they had pulled back and almost completely obscured the earth mare’s vision. The pair of mountains were now descending upon the white unicorn like a great avalanche. There wasn’t time to dodge, only to try and counter.

Rarity was still somewhat bent over with her ass in the air. However, this meant that she was also directly facing AJ’s attack. Spinning for a butt attack against such a large opponent had too high a risk of missing from this angle, so her best chance was to beat the earth mare boob-to-boob. Rarity straightened her legs and arched her back. Her goal was to hit AJ’s boobs from below and hopefully redirect the big mare’s momentum forward instead of down. This ran the risk of AJ falling directly on top of her, taking them both out, but there wasn’t time to think of another plan. “Aaahhhhh!”

“Aaaarrrrgh!”

*CLAP*

White and orange breast flesh cracked with a mighty, fleshy collision that sent ripples through both the mares’ bodies and the water. Rarity’s arms were pulled back to give her thrusting chest more room. She could feel herself losing fast beneath AJ’s weight. Arching her back was quickly proving to be a mistake, as it forced her to lean back at an increasingly awkward and untenable angle.

AJ was only slightly better off, relying on Rarity to support her weight, but that support only had a life span of a few more seconds. Bringing a hoof forward to regain her balance would require letting up on the pressure, which Rarity could use to pull back. Thus they’d be right back to where they were before the spin attack, only with AJ’s injury a little worse off.

“Not… bad!” Rarity grunted, fighting with all her strength to hold AJ at bay.

“S-same ta you,” AJ replied with a sportsman’s grin. “Havin’ fun?”

“More so than… expected,” Rarity admitted.

“Good.” AJ then did the unthinkable. It was an act beloved in slapstick, but sneered at and spat upon in the ring, leaving the audience silent and dumbstruck. Punching a mare in the teats was no less shameful than hitting a stallion in the balls. It was an act that almost always resulted in the striker being expelled from the match, but not this time. And not even the unorthodox rules of Keijo would allow for fists to be used in any manner on one’s opponent, least of all for something so shameful. AJ, however, was an honorable and honest mare. Although determined to win, she’d never stoop so low as to strike another in such a tender place. Herself, however…

“Me too!”

Rarity saw it coming. She had time to dodge, but was too stunned to process the move in time. Spreading her arms out wide, AJ brought both open palms inward for a mighty and terrible slap. Rarity instinctively flinched, further compromising her hoofing, but was more stunned when she saw the target of AJ’s attack. Her own boobs!

“I don’t believe it, folks!” Booming cried out. He and Thoughtful had been narrating the players’ moves for some time, just to make sure the audience was keeping up. But this was something no pony saw coming. “Apple Jack is… p-punching her own teats?”

AJ grinned, biting on her lip until she broke the skin. It distracted her from the other self-inflicted injury. Her palms were slamming together at full force, squishing her melons together like a pair of water balloons. A jolt of piercing pain was sent through her fun bags, but she ignored it. The smile she directed at Rarity was both sadistic and just a little masochistic. AJ had played with her boobs before. What mare didn’t? But while she prided herself on her udders being more muscle than fat, there was still just enough there to allow for a bit of squishiness. And just like a water balloon, or anything else that squished, compressing one area would send the internal mass to expand another area. Slapping her breasts together like this pushed that mass outward, directly against Rarity.

Rarity gasped, squeaking ever so faintly. It was as though AJ’s already considerable bust had suddenly expanded out by several inches. It was fast, too fast for her body to compensate. She slipped, losing track of the ground for just a second. She fell, staring up into AJ’s eyes the entire way down.

*Thud*

The Land wasn’t too hard, but it still left the fashionista’s bottom a little sore. Or maybe it was the cumulative effect of taking and dealing all those previous butt attacks finally catching up to her. Either way, she gave a ladylike whimper of pain as she rubbed where it was sore. “Ow-ow-ow!”

*Ding Ding*

“Rarity has hit the Land with her bottom. Loser!”

“Hey,” greeted a mare with a friendly southern drawl. “Good match.”

Rarity looked up to see her large friend towering over her, hand outstretched. Rarity returned AJ’s friendly smile with a gracious one of her own. She extended her own hand and allowed herself to be pulled up. The good friends heartily shook hands.

“Is that legal?” Booming asked. “They’re touching hands.”

“Rarity is already out. And given that this is just a charity match, I think we can make allowances for a bit of sportsmanship,” Thoughtful observed thoughtfully. “Also, if we disqualified Apple Jack over something like this, I don’t have confidence in my ability to outrun an angry mob.”

“Fair enough,” Booming conceded. “But what a show, folks! Rainbow Dash showed us that she’s more than just a speeding bullet. She’s also got biting words that’ll tear her tender-hearted opponent right to the core. Some might consider this dirty pool, but that gets too close to pun territory for my liking.” This observation was met with more than a few boos and jeers from the audience, to which RD respectfully answered by flipping a couple birds at full force.

“Where Fluttershy might have lacked for speed and confidence, Pinkie Pie brought it all and then some. Like Rainbow, she managed to use intimate knowledge of her opponent’s mind, something only possible after being such good friends over the years. Only unlike Rainbow, it was less kicking-an-injured-puppy and more I’m-afraid-to-sleep-tonight.” Many in the audience nodded their agreement while Pinkie quirked her head obliviously.

“And lastly, we had the beauties of brawn and posh cheek-to-cheek and giving it their all. Despite their overt difference in physical ability, both mares seemed to stay on an even playing field. Neither was able to hold the advantage for too long before the other was able to enact some form of counter. In the end, I think Rarity should really consider hitting the gym to do more than just maintain her figure.” To this the audience cheered uproariously, to which AJ held up Rarity’s hand in a show of solidarity.

Chapter 3

“Onto the final event, folks!” Booming informed from the edge of his seat, holding his mic as he leaned over the table. “Our final three competitors are making their way to the central Land.”

“It appears that they’re taking their time, Booming,” Thoughtful observed, definitely not stealing glances at her co-host’s exposed rear. “I’d say the three have agreed to give themselves a bit of a breather before they begin this match. All three did perform some extraneous feats in their prior matches, so this is likely to make sure they all meet each other on equal hoofing.”

“Given her injury at the beginning of the match, I’ll bet Apple Jack is especially grateful for this reprieve.”

The farmer held out a thumbs-up in Booming’s direction as she walked along.

“Ain’t she great, folks?” Booming’s words weren’t really a question, though. “In fact, they’re all great. Let’s hear it for the saviors of Ponyville and the Elements of Harmony!”

“Apple Jack! Pinkie Pie! Rainbow Dash!” the crowd chanted as one, now more excited than ever to see the outcome.

Each remaining contestant was flipping their gazes between their two other opponents, tuning out the rest of the world as they approached. While each of them focused primarily on their earlier dance partners, they’d also stolen glances of the others’ matches. Although they’d all practiced together a little, the bulk of their training had been done in private to give each of them a chance to develop their own special move without the others learning about their specialized attack. Some did better than others, but the point had always been to do their best while putting on a good show. This was for the foals, after all.

Now, however, they’d each gotten a solid look at the other’s abilities. RD was the traditional out-fighter, keeping her distance and relying on her speed to catch her opponents off guard. Pinkie was also fast, but far less maneuverable. Her style made her more of an in-fighter, relying on raw strength and relentless attacks, but her body type suggested she’d also make for a good counter to use her opponent’s attacks against them. AJ might have been the slowest of the three, but she made up for it by also being the strongest. If any of her attacks connected, they’d do a lot more damage than what her opponents’ were capable of.

“Who do you think is going to win?” Twilight asked. She and the other losers were all standing at the pool’s edge to dry off.

“I might be a little biased, but I’m thinking Rainbow,” Fluttershy offered demurely. “She might not hit hard, but back there I saw her deliver over thirty butt punches in about the time it took to blink.”

“It’s honestly rather difficult to measure up their abilities,” Rarity admitted. “They’re probably about even as far as endurance, but I fear Rainbow might be a bit more of a sprinter while Apple Jack and Pinkie are better at pacing themselves.”

“I’m not sure if I’d call what Pinkie does pacing,” Twilight respectfully countered. “Then again, if I think back to the way she’d come at me with a series of heavy attacks before pausing to be all menacing, it might be that she’s just really good at controlling her breathing to disguise when she’s taking a break.”

“That does sound like Pinkie,” Rarity agreed. “Is no pony going to mention Apple Jack?” Given that this was the mare who’d beaten her, the fashionista felt ever so slightly slighted at the farmer not getting her due consideration.

“What’s there to say?” Twilight asked snarkly. “If you hadn’t injured her right from the start, she’d probably have just broken the Land in half and sent you flying. That’s what I’d do if I were her, anyway.”

Imagining this, along with other frightful scenarios, Rarity gave a grim nod.

“I don’t really think there’ll be any serious team ups,” Fluttershy added. “Rainbow wouldn’t really gang up with one friend against another, not like this. It’s every mare for herself out there, and Rainbow and Apple Jack want to prove themselves to be among the best.”

“That makes sense,” agreed Twilight. “Well, it looks like we’re done speculating. They’re just about to face off.”

The audience fell deathly silent as AJ, Pinkie, and RD stepped onto the central Land at once. This platform was by far the largest of the available Lands, allowing for considerably more mobility. Unlike the plain platforms or the personalized starter Lands, this one was decorated like the Equestrian flag with Luna and Celestia chasing each other in a loop. No doubt somepony was patting themselves on the back for this. The symbol of national unity was the perfect place for such good friends to meet and fight for a good cause.

For a while, no pony said anything. They just stood there, sizing each other up. No pony made any sudden movements, lest another get spooked into premature action. They just squared off, sizing one another up.

“So this is it,” AJ said, breaking the silence as her eyes darted between her foes. “It’s jus’ us.”

“You, she, and Pinkie makes three,” the pink mare sang. “I can’t wait to see the foals’ faces when the clowns start coming in.”

RD stretched, leaning back with her hands around the back of her head. “Sorry, Pinks. I have it on good authority that Apple Jack doesn’t really care for clowns, so she’ll definitely take you out first.”

Pinkie gasped in horror. “Apple Jack! How could you?”

“There’s a difference between indifference and dislike,” AJ corrected plainly, bracing herself for a surprise attack. She hadn’t expected this kind of psychological warfare from RD of all mares. It was honestly a little impressive. “Ah don’t especially like clowns, but Ah ain’t got nothin’ against ‘em, neither.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Pinkie sighed in relief. “I was worried I’d need to butt-head some sense into you.”

“Butt-head?”

“You know, like a head-butt, only…” Pinkie spun around and playfully wagged her rump AJ’s way.

“Careless!” That was all the warning RD gave as she launched herself straight at Pinkie. The blue speedster spun around and delivered multiple blows in rapid succession against the pink mare’s right leg, only to retreat before her opponent had a chance to retaliate. Pinkie winced, now clearly favoring her left leg.

“You and Fluttershy have similar body types,” RD began to exposit. “I tried everything I could think of against that mare, and I barely got any results. But I just learned something kinda funny about you, Pinks.”

It was a struggle for Pinkie to keep smiling. She could hardly put any weight on her right side without it feeling like pins and needles were stabbing through her muscles. “And… what’s that?”

RD grinned and stroked her hands across an imaginary belly, indicating a largeness that wasn’t there. “You’re not as squishy as her.”

As carefully as she could, Fluttershy slipped back into the water in the hopes of making herself less conspicuous.

“No… but I’m faster!” Spinning on her left, Pinkie delivered a counter butt thrust right into AJ’s incoming attack. The two were locked in place for a moment, ferociously and passionately grinding their rears together, before both pulled back. “I’m also the squishiest one left.”

“She ain’t wrong,” AJ remarked, grinning at the pink mare’s prowess. “Thems ‘r’ some mighty squishy flanks ya got there.”

“Oh-oh-oh! Like a yummy marshmallow you want to take a bite out of?”

RD blinked, momentarily taken aback. “Think she’s doing that on purpose?”

“No clue, but Ah don’t,” AJ charged again, “care!” Crouching down she pivoted on her right hoof and swung her butt low, knowing that Pinkie would most likely dodge up. Continuing to crouch kept her center of gravity low, enabling her to take several quick – if awkward – steps to follow her pink opponent. Then, taking a page out of Rarity’s book, she straightened her knees and launched herself upwards.

“Ugh!” Pinkie staggered back, hand clutching around her abdomen where she’d been hit as she took a staggering step back. “Nice one.”

“Thanks.” Hearing the rapid clop-clop of hooves coming straight at her, AJ turned bodily to face her oncoming opponent with the full might of her bosom. RD spun around in midair, delivered another quick succession of blows into AJ’s right teat, and then jumped back out of range.

“Too much talk. Ya leave yourselves open,” the speedster bragged as she hopped energetically between hooves. “How am I supposed to have fun if you guys-wuah oh!” RD managed to duck down just in time to avoid Pinkie’s full body booby tackle. “That’s better.”

Not wanting to be left out, AJ jumped into the fray and also went for RD. She tried for another spin attack, twirling like a ballerina, but this time while keeping her hooves on the Land. If RD dodged the apple mare’s butt swipe, she’d have to deal with a booby bash next. And if she dodge the boobs, then there was a very big butt already incoming for her to deal with. While unable to pull back and thrust as quickly as either of her opponents, she could still deliver rapid succession attacks in her own way.

“Apple Jack can’t do that for long,” Twilight observed.

“What do you mean, darling?” Rarity asked as she eyed Twilight’s consternated expression. She understood the source of her friend’s distress, for she was feeling the same. It was normal in sports for spectators to pick a favorite, but such a thing was made infinitely more complex when all options were your close friends. Rarity knew that, like herself, Twilight was struggling with rooting for all of her friends simultaneously, which paradoxically also required rooting against those same friends.

“The rules of Keijo require a lot of creative movement, but most of those movements are counterintuitive to how the body wants to work. Lunging for your opponent and spinning at the last second to deliver a butt attack is already tricky enough, but Apple Jack’s doing too much too quickly. She’ll make herself dizzy before too long.”

Too long came a lot sooner than expected as AJ’s world started spinning separately from her body. She swore internally. Her successive butt and booby attack had RD on the defensive, pushing the tiny mare towards the edge. But no. AJ had to pull away. Even if she knocked RD out of the ring, she’d be in no state to deal with the attack that Pinkie would inevitably throw her way.

“Who-hoooo!”

“Wh-what? AJ stuttered.

Even RD was too confused to follow with her planned attack.

Pinkie was spinning around on one hoof like a ballerina, or maybe a top would have been a more apt comparison. It was like she’d taken AJ’s technique and turned it up to fourteen. Theoretically, such an increase in rotational speed should have proportionally shortened the time that she could maintain the technique. But the look AJ and RD shared left no doubt what the other was thinking. This was Pinkie Pie. Did she even get dizzy? Well, it looked like the answer was heading right for them.

Still cheering and whooping at her own antics, Pinkie first targeted AJ, who was still a little wobbly from her earlier spinning. Knowing it was futile to try and evade, AJ hardened her stance and tensed her muscles. Pinkie’s attack collided with a fierce pitter-pat. Unlike AJ, who could only attack with boob or butt in succession, Pinkie was spinning so rapidly that it was almost as though she were using both at once. AJ couldn’t counter properly. If she turned to block Pinkie’s butt with her own, that’d just leave her back open to a booby attack. And booby blocking would leave her crotch and belly vulnerable. So AJ just stood there and took it. Blow after cushy blow slammed against the farmer’s body, but she took it all.

“Why isn’t she moving?” Fluttershy asked worriedly.

“Don’t worry. Apple Jack’s got a plan… I think,” Rarity said uncertainly. “Pinkie is squishy, remember. That’s excellent for defense, but less so for offense. Her attacks probably look a lot worse than they actually are. Apple Jack is counting on her muscles to see her through.”

“I don’t think it’ll be that easy.” Twilight indicated where a blue blur was zipping around the Land.

In classic out-fighter tradition, RD waited just out of her opponent’s reach until she saw an opening. Both AJ and Pinkie were so preoccupied with each other that they’d seemingly forgotten about her; a mistake they’d pay dearly for. After running to the far edge of the Land, opposite where the others had gathered, RD ran at full force towards the pair. She spun around midstride and crouched down, allowing momentum to skid her forward towards her target. Given that Pinkie was on the offense, it made sense that she’d be the most vulnerable at this moment.

Somehow seeing her opponent’s attack coming, Pinkie spun out of the way. Given the low angle of trajectory, it looked like RD might be going for AJ’s ankles. Instead, she leapt like a frog after Pinkie. It appeared that her pinkness was not as invulnerable to spinning as the others had feared, because her dodge response was sorely lacking. RD hit Pinkie right in the ankle. Unfortunately, the pink mare did not stop spinning right away. As a result, RD was treated to a bit of high velocity friction right between her butt cheeks. RD bit her lip as tears came to her eyes. She’d lived life fast and fearless, and had the broken bones to prove it. However, she’d never expected to get a friction burn there of all places.

Many in the audience grimaced in sympathetic pain, even if few had any real reference for what the speedster was actually suffering.

Still, RD never let up. Pinkie Pie was just another challenge, an obstacle for her to overcome and prove that she was the best. And if her ass was rubbed raw in the process, that’d be just another scar to show off to her fans.

Eventually it was Pinkie who gave in. She jumped off to the side onto her right hoof, since she’d been using her left to spin. “Dang it,” she hissed. “Now both legs are aching.”

“Haha. All according to plan,” RD boasted through gritted teeth, fighting the urge to reach back and rub where it still burned.

“Oh please. Like you ain’t flyin’ from the seat o’ yer pants like always.”

“Hey. It’s worked so far, so why change?”

“Cuz this!” AJ delivered a downward slash with her ass, missing RD by mere millimeters. “Heh. Now look who’s gettin’ careless.”

“Hey, not my fault! I’m still dealing with serious ass burn over here. Thanks for that, Pinkie,” she spat snidely.

“You’re welcome,” was Pinkie’s eternally chipper reply. “Next time, how about I do the front?”

RD reflexively clapped her hands over her groin. AJ did not take advantage of her opponent’s lapse, in part because the context would have made it unsportsmanlike, and also because she was also covering herself. Did Pinkie know how scary she was being right now? It was in this question that both the speedster and the farmer found the answer to who the biggest threat was. They shared a nod and, at least for now, agreed to team up and attack at once.

It was amazing what a few years of fighting as sisters in arms against the forces of evil would do for a pony’s nonverbal communication skills. All it took was a brief glance for AJ to know that she was supposed to swing her boobs downward while RD launched her butt up high. Pinkie was able to dodge AJ, but RD’s attack connected with her shoulder. It didn’t hurt too badly, but the power of this tag-team was already proving its lethal effectiveness.

Quickly comparing the injuries to both legs, Pinkie decided to switch back to her right hoof and resume her “Spinning top attack! Haha,” she laughed as the force of her spin was picking at both her opponents’ manes, tails, and nearby water droplets.

“This is bad,” RD stated, taking a step back to avoid the suction from Pinkie’s twister. The winds were so powerful that it was pulling more and more from the surrounding pool. “She’s starting to look like a water twister.”

“Cuz she is,” AJ pointed out, arms held up in a defensive stance. “She’s movin’ ta the center o’ the Land. Quick, split up!”

The orange and cyan mars started running to opposite ends of the ring, stomping their hooves with unnecessary force while not going quite as fast as they could have. That’s when Pinkie attacked, twirling her twister self and charging right for AJ. The farmer grinned, as this was exactly what she’d hoped for. AJ met the charge head on, thrusting her chest out and widening her stance. Once more AJ endured the full force of Pinkie’s pitter-pat booby-butt assault, but this time she wasn’t just standing still. As carefully as she could, AJ would periodically push her boobs forward or suddenly twist her body at odd angles. It was already difficult for Pinkie to maintain her spinning while colliding with AJ’s rock of a body, but the addition of the odd movements made things extra tricky.

RD, who hadn’t gone that far, pivoted back around and launched herself just beside the unstoppable force and unmovable object. With a playful smirk she turned around, bent over, and delivered a flurry of butt attacks all along Pinkie’s mid to lower legs. The speed of Pinkie’s spinning meant that none of RD’s blows could hit with their usual level of precision, but concentrating them all in this approximate area would do some serious damage that would accumulate over time.

Still spinning like a top, Pinkie jumped back over a yard, taking all of the water she’d accumulated. “Got’ch’ya!” she cheered before coming to a dead stop. As Isaac Newton was famous for saying, an object in motion will stay in motion until acted upon by an outside force. In this case, the water Pinkie had summoned was that object. It continued its motion even after the centrifugal force of her spin went away. Momentum carried the blast of water forward while gravity slowly began to assert itself; too slowly. Pinkie had timed her stop just right to send her accumulated water right into the faces of her opponents.

“Is that even legal?” Booming asked, awestruck.

“I guarantee no pony thought to put that in the books,” Thoughtful deadpanned, unable to tear his eyes away.

Faces splashed and momentarily blind, AJ and RD once more split up as they wiped at their eyes. RD was sensitive to the changes in air pressure resulting from a large mass in motion, while AJ’s hooves were more sensitive to changes in vibration. Both were confident they’d be able to see the pink pinkness coming, but it was RD who only barely stopped in time.

Pinkie had leapt high into the air and came down at an arc. Her hooves were wide apart and her butt was down low and ready to deliver a “Butt Guillotine!” as she was so thoughtful to announce. RD stopped mere millimeters from where Pinkie came down, resulting in the pink mare’s pink buns rapidly wiping over the speedster’s face and down her chest and belly.

Not even thinking, RD took an involuntary sniff as she stared down at the Pink mare’s considerable back and backside. “… I want candy for some reason,” she blurted thoughtlessly.

Pinkie giggled and launched herself backwards. But RD had expected that, pivoting on her ankle to thrust low between Pinkie’s legs. However, this was no mere act of evasion. As she was passing through, RD raised her butt up just enough to return the favor, so to speak. Her butt lightly impacted along Pinkie’s perineum and continued stroking forward. RD was acutely aware of just how sensitive Pinkie was down there. As mares without stallions, they’d endured a number of heats together. Though it was nothing romantic, it did result in a considerable amount of knowledge of one another’s bodies. Some would consider using such insights as poor sportsmanship. However, RD’s somewhat sadistic grin wasn’t from the fact that she didn’t care. She was grinning from her friend’s reaction.

There was no question what Pinkie’s very vocal moan meant. Most ponies in the audience blushed. Many stared in awe at the mare’s audacity for doing such a thing in public. Others even looked a little envious. Pinkie’s emotions were a typhoon as feelings of anger struggled to gain ground against the more powerful passions of desire. She was a little angry at RD, but was also a little grateful. The part of her that managed higher brain functions reminded her of the clowns and forced a compromise between the conflicting forces. With a determined smirk, Pinkie flexed her muscles to spread her ass cheeks wide. RD’s momentum was still driving her between the earth mare’s legs, making it difficult to concentrate with the constant stimulation, but Pinkie would not be deterred. Another mighty flex clamped her cheeks tightly together, directly around RD’s lower back.

“Wh-wha-!?” RD demanded. Her expression was the picture of fear. As far as her body could tell, she was floating in midair with her wings immobile; a pegasus’ worst nightmare. Spreading her legs out wide, she attempted to spin herself free, but Pinkie’s grip would not let up.

“Let’s see how you like being toyed with,” Pinkie declared. In mimicry of how throat muscles pull food down, her pinkness put her ass muscles to work in pulling RD forward and rotating her to face the sky.

RD swore, this time bringing her arms in to create a more powerful liberation spin. It didn’t work. If this were any other kind of fight, she could just use her hands and get out no sweat, but that would disqualify her. Adding to her frustration was the impossible to ignore pink bottom that clasped her so intimately. This wasn’t the first time RD had been exposed to the impossible muscle control of her pink friend, making her blush all the harder at those fond memories. But now that bottom creeping its way towards her – so round and powerful that its beauty eclipsed its danger – RD felt nothing but fear.

Pinkie felt perky nipples against her butt, which signaled her next attack. “Pinkie Revenge Butt Shaker!” she announced dramatically, grinning when she also felt the way RD’s pulse spiked. Employing her supernatural muscle control, the blue clad hinny of Pinkie Pie began to vibrate. Her rear rumbled with the raucous rhythm of a rad rave.

“Nooo!” RD cried. The tables had turned and now Pinkie was the one using intimate knowledge of her opponent’s weak points. In this case, exactly how sensitive the speedster’s teats were.

Unlike the rest of the audience, AJ was tired of watching. She’d paused to observe out of morbid curiosity, but now was the time for action. “Don’t ignore me!” she growled, spinning to deliver a swinging swipe.

Pinkie made to counter, but her movements seemed off. She wasn’t letting go of RD, nor did her attack resemble a standard butt punch. Somehow, keeping her grip on her blue captive, Pinkie spun to deliver what looked like a boob attack, but the emphasis was on her lower regions. AJ felt her butt make contact with something that was neither big, nor soft. Then she felt it again, and again. Seven separate times from her butt and along her lower back, AJ was struck by what felt like a very thin and very hard clobbering stick. She ducked down and jumped to the side before an eighth blow could land.

Once she composed herself, Pinkie stood proud with her hands on her hips, laughing like a slice of life villain. “Te he heee! Like my new accessory?” Her tone was mocking as she began wagging her hips from side-to-side, causing her accessory to sway as well. “I call it my ‘Pinkie Pie Dickslap of Dooooom!’ Patent pending.”

“Uuugh!” the ‘dick’ whined.

“Hangin’ in there, Rainbow?”

“Not by choice,” the ‘dick’ whined again.

“Okay, now that definitely can’t be legal!” Thoughtful demanded. “She’s… I mean… Just look at her!”

“Well, uh…” Booming stammered. “Let’s see what the referee thinks.”

Not needing to be told, the combatants paused in their match as all eyes turned to the stallion in the black and white striped shirt. He was flipping through the pages of the big red book of rules, frantically searching for anything that might be relevant to this situation. The audience held their breath in anticipation, unable to look away as they awaited the decision that could potentially signal the end for at least one of the combatants. Finally the referee looked up. His expression was blank, but deep down he was enjoying having an audience on the edge of their seats like this. It only took a few seconds before he gave his verdict: an OK signal, followed by a toot of the whistle. The move was legal, although probably not after today, and the match resumed.

Pinkie went back on the offensive with another spinning top attack.

“This isn’t good,” Twilight observed. “Rainbow’s a lot heavier than she looks, and Pinkie’s really feeling the strain of it all. Just look at that pained expression. It’s like the entire match just caught up with her.”

“Apple Jack is fairing no better,” Rarity added fretfully. “It would seem that Rainbow makes for a rather effective flail. Now she’s too injured to do little more than defend.”

“It’s one last gamble,” Twilight agreed. “Pinkie’s hoping to use Rainbow to harden her attacks and deliver a finishing blow.”

“I’m not sure how Rainbow’s going to get out of this,” worried Fluttershy. “I can’t tell if she’s moving, so she might be saving her strength for some last minute surprise.” Despite saying this, Fluttershy did not sound confident in her prediction. Wonderbolt training might have helped handle high level dizziness, but even that could only go so far. It looked like victory was fated to go to an earth pony.

“And here. We. Go!” Pinkie declared, finally in range for the final confrontation. Each blow of RD against AJ’s firm thighs sent tremors through the pink mare’s thighs, all the way down to her ankles. Her balance would not last long.

AJ pulled away. She wagged her butt into her retreat, colliding directly against RD’s lower legs, and especially those sharp hooves. She doubted if Pinkie had planned on this particular aspect of her improvised attack, and complaining now felt too much like shirking the responsibility of the referee’s verdict. No. She would endure. She had to endure! Another few steps forward, a quick glance behind, and AJ saw her chance. Pinkie’s spin was leaning to one side. There was no better chance.

Pinkie’s grin was strained. Her teeth were gritted together as she fought to drown out the screams of her muscles. The clowns. She was doing this for the clowns. Then she felt herself wobble. It was only a little, but in the briefest second she made contact with AJ and knew her orange foe had seen her moment of weakness. AJ crouched down, balled her fists, aligned that perfectly toned ass with Pinkie’s pink plush middle, and launched herself back. Knowing her top would be toppled if she continued to spin, Pinkie planted her hooves firmly on the Land. Her mane and breasts blew to the side, but she fought against them to lower her top right into AJ’s path for a booby block.

AJ had thought this would happen. It was the safest move, given the situation. Further, Pinkie hadn’t lowered herself as much as she could have. Her torso was just high enough that it’d be tricky for the farmer to make any last minute upper cuts. And pressing onward towards the gut would leave her vulnerable to a booby guillotine. Her best bet was to aim straight for those tig ol’ pink bitties and hope Pinkie’s ankles would give out.

“Not without me!”

Still in mid-attack, too far along to stop, the earth mare faced the source of the scratchy voice and went bug-eyed. Pinkie had put so much attention on defending against AJ’s attack that RD had finally wiggled free. Her balance hadn’t caught up with her yet, but the speedster was too impatient, too irate about being used as she had been, to do the smart thing and pull back. instead, she made herself just steady enough to charge forward and launch herself at the now Three Way Butt-Butt-Booby Clash of Ultimate Deciding!

… at least that’s how it would be described in the papers.

The three made contact simultaneously. AJ and RD were pressing their butts together with all their might while Pinkie was putting her boobies to the test. They struggled against one another. Each would only gain no more than a few inches of leverage before losing them to the others.

“I. Won’t. Lose!” RD declared through gritted teeth. She tried to take a step back, but the immovable force of her friends’ larger assets just made her hoof slide along the Land.

“Me… Neither!” Pinkie was deeply regretting focusing all her training on her butt. Granted, it was the most popular part of the mare’s body and training there had all sorts of real world applications, but right now she really wished she’d put just a smidgen more effort into working her breasts. They were just big sacks of fat with next to no real muscle, nothing for her to clench or flex to her advantage. Also, both her opponents had rock hard butts that were digging sharply into her precious bosoms.

“Then try this!”

Pinkie saw it first, and RD shortly after. AJ was reaching her hands up and out. She couldn’t possibly be planning on using her hands against them, could she? No. And they were too far away to do much damage, anyway. When those hands started coming down, it was RD who realized what was happening.

“Copy cat!”

AJ just grinned. She had no defense. Without question she was banking on this stolen move to gain victory, but she didn’t care. Palms closed into fists of steel, with all her might she slammed her hands into the outer layers of her butt cheeks. As Pinkie was virulently cursing herself for not thinking to do this herself, AJ was compressing the mass of her ass together, forcing a great billowing bulge outward. It wasn’t as much as when Pinkie did it, but it made all the difference in pushing her opponent’s back.

Pinkie’s boobs were able to absorb most of the impact, but RD wasn’t so fortunate. She staggered forward, arms flailing as she struggled to keep from falling. Sensing weakness, the earth mares broke contact and wound up for another spin. Pinkie’s butt went low while AJ’s breasts went high, meeting RD right in the middle. The speedster did not, could not evade, and was smothered between the hell of AJ’s cleavage and Pinkie’s buttocks. However, that was when something unexpected had happened.

“Sh-she did it!” Twilight stuttered in awe. “It’s over.”

Pinkie’s softness had squished around RD’s lithe body, looking like it might engulf her again. To an extent it did, but that was the problem. By sinking her body into her pink friend’s plush rump, RD had unintentionally made herself into a wedge, and AJ’s titanic titties were the hammer. Pinkie was still in the middle of her attack, making defense impossible. The mighty force of AJ’s bosom continued onward, driving RD right into Pinkie’s butt bones; the impact bypassing her plush completely.

“Eep,” was all Pinkie had to say before it happened. RD had been laid out between her ass cheeks and along her back. That spread the force of the impact out a little, dimming the pain without diminishing the power. Pinkie tried to harden her stance, but her legs wouldn’t respond. Her ankles had finally given out. All of this happened in the blink of an eye as the pink mare felt her hooves leave the Land. AJ’s ‘Final Booby Strike’ had sent her airborne. As the world flew by around her, as the wind whistled past her ears and the beauty of the shimmering waters grew dangerously close, Pinkie had only one thought coursing through her mind, which she saw fit to share. “That was fun!”

*SPLASH*

*Ding Ding*

“A- and they’re out!” Booming declared. “Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash have both been knocked out of the ring. Losers!”

As the crowd roared, AJ staggered. It took the last of her strength to keep standing, yet she persevered enough to take a step. And then another, and another. She was walking to the edge of the Land. Booming and Thoughtful had joined the crowd’s cheers, singing her praises and confessing their surprise that she was the winner, but the farmer had drowned them all out. She was moving on auto pilot now, looking out into the pool where her friends had landed. Her knees began to bend. She knew what her body was doing and how stupid it was for doing so, but she let it happen regardless. Her friends hadn’t come up yet.

*SPLASH*

Five mares gasped, greedily filling their lungs with life giving air. While no pony was looking, Twilight, Rarity, and Fluttershy had dove into the pool. Now all three were clutching at their exhausted friends, making sure the pair were breathing okay. They weren’t in too bad of a state, but the help back to solid ground was definitely appreciated.

Secure in the knowledge that her friends were safe, AJ allowed herself to fall backwards onto the Land. Her ass still hurt from the punches, on top of everything else it had endured this tournament. “Ah’m gonna be sore tomorrow,” she said to the air, her tone bragging. Soreness was just proof of a hard day’s work, which was always a source of pride for the farm mare.

“What a champion, folks!” Booming announced. “Despite her exhaustion, Apple Jack was still willing to jump in after her friends to make sure they were alright. Lucky her she’s got other great friends who beat her to the punch.”

“That’s right, Booming,” agreed Thoughtful. “Once again, the Mane Six have proven themselves the indomitable champions of Equestria. For even if they fall alone, the strength of their teamwork will make sure they always get back up. Let’s give it up to the heroes, folks!”

The cheers of the audience were like thunder, shaking the entire stadium. AJ, panting heavily, felt she owed these fans a little something to show how much she appreciated them. It was weak, perhaps even pathetic, but she managed to raise one wobbly hand up in the air and make a fist. The audience grew 20% louder.

It was a few minutes of awkwardness as the tournament ponies got their grand champion into a presentable state, thanks in no small part to Rarity’s intervention. AJ’s mane and tail were combed, her fur was dried, and the fashionista made sure the Rarity original swimsuit was in prime condition.

“You did splendidly, darling.” And she gave her friend a quick peck on the cheek.

“If somepony had to beat me, I’m glad I was you,” RD added.

“We’ll make sure you get plenty of rest on the way home,” Fluttershy said with a soft coo.

Twilight chuckled. “They’re definitely going to be revising the book after what you pulled,” she said directly to Pinkie. “I wonder if they’ll let me help.”

“I don’t know about that. But I do know that was super dooper scrumdidilyumptious fun out there. AJ! Once you’re all rested up, we need to rematch.”

“Heh. Sure thing, sugar cube. Ah look forward ta whoopin’ yer ass again.”

A few more well wishes were exchanged before AJ was finally forced to take the stand. Standing on a small platform between the pool and the audience, she was bequeathed with a blue body ribbon that read ‘Winner’, a tiara, and a bouquet of white roses.

“And there she is, folks. The grand champion of Keijoooo!”

Thoughtful made no effort to correct Booming. As far as the audience was concerned, this mare could be nothing less. Regardless, she still had a job to do and made her way to the farmer’s side and held up her mic. “Tell us, Apple Jack. Do you have any words for the aspiring future Keijo players?”

AJ froze. Dammit! Why are they making me speak? I didn’t prepare any speech! “Uh, um…”

“Whoo! You go, Apple Jack!” It was the voice of a young filly that somehow managed to make itself heard over the rest of the crowd.

“That’s mah sister.” Despite its softness, the deep baritone sent a distinct rumble through AJ’s bones, filling her with newfound confidence.

“Ah ain’t much fer words. Ya’ll know who Ah am ‘n’ what Ah do. Ah’m jus’ ‘n apple farmer who goes where she’s needed. Today, Ah was needed ta smack mah friends around with mah teats ‘n’ plot. So that was somethin’.” She paused for laughter. “Ah’m proud ta be here, proud to do mah part to help the land Ah love, ‘n’ proud ta show the top quality of a good ol’ homegrown apple!” AJ’s relatives distinguished themselves with an especially loud cheer at that. “Keep strong, Equestria. This win was fer you!” She held up her ribbon, earning one final roar from the audience. AJ then stepped off the platform and ran over to her friends. They shared an enthusiastic hug as the photographers went nuts trying to achieve the perfect front page photo.

Later, it was found that donations for the show were more than doubled what was expected. So not only was the hospital paid for for the next few years, but there was even enough left to pay to all six mares’ charities of choice. In the end, they all won.

As for the lone human in the audience? Well, he got to thinking on other ways he could use his social pull for additional gratification.

Author's Notes:

Thus concludes an idea more than four years in the making. I know it wasn't much, but it's still a thing I needed to get out of my system so that I could devote my focus to more important stories. Regardless, I hope you guys enjoy.

As ever, if you like what I have to offer, and want to see the good stuff early, please support me on Patreon https://www.patreon.com/lordmep