Mama's Boy
Shining Armor was unnerved as he crept across his bedroom in the Crystal Empire. A duffel bag, innocuous enough, was his target. But what filled it was what was making him so afraid. His heart pounded in his chest. All of the fights he’d been in in his life were less frightening than this. But now was his only chance. Cadence was away on business, Flurry was with Sunburst for a few days, as the unicorn had wanted to study the unusual nature of an Alicorn baby (and though Cadence had protested because she felt as though her daughter was being used as a science experiment, Shining had convinced her to go through with it because with everything Sunburst had done for them, who were they to complain?) and he was, theoretically, alone. So why did he feel as though he were being watched? Perhaps it was his own silently judging mind that was watching him for what he was about to do that made him feel afraid. Still, he checked once, twice, to be sure he was alone before slowly unzipping the bag tooth by tooth. Then, he pulled out the item causing him such distress. A pack of adult diapers.
He wasn’t sure exactly how this all had started. After Cadence had given birth to their daughter all of her attention had seemed to go to Flurry. She was exhausted, irritable, so completely enamored with their daughter, that it seemed as though he was an assistant rather than a husband. By the parenting books he read- at his sister’s insistence, no less- That was normal. But it didn’t feel good to him. He needed his wife to talk with, to support him, to care for him, and she was so busy with Flurry that she was unaccessible. Looking back later on, the only thing that could have made a sensible explanation from all this was that he had associated the attention his daughter was getting with being a foal. It was childish, ridiculous even, to make that connection, but there was no doubt in his mind that it was the truth. He wanted some attention from his wife, but when he asked for it, she was too busy, and he certainly couldn’t speak to his guards. So, he’d remained unhappy. But when Flurry was getting changed, he saw how happy she seemed to be, and he wanted that too.
Getting the diapers was a much more complicated process. Since the Crystal Empire was more isolated from the rest of Equestria, he’d put in an anonymous order to a place far away near Manehattan and had the package go through several different routes to get to the palace. When it came, he declared (as prince) that he would inspect it himself, despite the vehement protests from his guards. He’d had none of it, and snuck off with his prize. He opened the box, grabbed an unused duffel bag, and shoved them inside, zipping it up and hiding it in a secret compartment he’d made under his bed. He knew he had to time his trying of this carefully, and it seemed, finally, that the stars had aligned to finally let him try something he’d been so curious about.
He cast a silencing spell on his room, before ripping the packaging. Gentle as he was with it, it still would have made a noisy sound. Finally, he grabbed the object of his intrigue. Plastic on the outside, but fluffy on the inside. Not unlike the diapers his daughter wore- though these were white to match his coat. He unfolded it and was struck by the sheer size of it. It was so… big. Well, it had to be to fit him, he supposed, but still, it was a bit daunting. A tingle ran up his spine. Was he really going to try one on? His body seemed to answer for him as it shifted to lay down on it before he could give it any more thought. It was so soft. Much like he thought clouds would be like. He’d wished he didn’t have airsickness so he could have walked on them. The foal powder in Flurry’s room was teleported in as he thoroughly powdered himself, enveloped by the babyish smell, and used his magic to tape his diaper up. Then, he sat up. A symphony of crinkles greeted him as he took in the feeling.
It felt… safe. He couldn’t think of a better way to explain it. The padding hugging his waist was soft and cushioned, and it somehow took him back to an easier and less stressful time. He could recall asking what diapers were after Twilight had been born, and his mother had told him that it was for babies because they didn’t know how to use the potty. They could be protected from accidents. He felt very protected, that was certain. An odd feeling for a pony who had dedicated himself to giving that feeling to others. He tried to stand, but the padding around him made his back legs bow with the new garment and he fell onto his stomach with an “Oof!”. He understood now why foals crawled everywhere. So, he gave it a try and wriggled toward the duffle bag. His other item inside was Brutus Force- his childhood doll that he had loved dearly. Brutus wasn’t as big a secret. He’d kept him in their bedroom under the guise of someday giving him to Flurry. But when she’d accidentally broken a few bears, he’d told Cadence he’d hidden him to keep him safe. It wasn’t a lie, either. Cadence had commented on how sweet that was, though he half wondered if she’d been listening to him or commenting on something Flurry had done. Either way, it worked for him. Now, he pulled out his toy and gave it a big squeeze. Brutus too helped him to feel safe and relaxed as he looked around the room.
It was odd to him that the world he’d known before seemed to shift suddenly. With a diaper around his waist and Brutus in his hooves, he suddenly felt like he was an ant in a big park. The world seemed bigger now, and slightly frightening. Whether consciously or unconsciously- he couldn’t be sure- he stuck his hoof in his mouth and began sucking on it as he’d done as a young colt. The sucking motion calmed him down as he looked around the room. The bed, the one he’d once called too small for Cadence and himself, now seemed the size of an ocean. The dresser he’d used daily to store some of his items seemed so tall. And the wardrobe that held his armor and weapons seemed… well, monstrous in it’s enormity. Everything was so big from all the way down there. He clutched Brutus closer. With new eyes, he suddenly felt afraid. A small whimper escaped his mouth, and he suddenly wanted comfort. His mind flashed before him a scene from his childhood, of his mother comforting him after a nightmare. Though he’d never felt comfortable opening up to her with them, her presence had always been soothing.
A pang of wanting so sharp he gasped a bit hit him, and suddenly all he wanted was his mother. But, in a moment of clarity, he realized he couldn’t see her. He still had to be here in case things went wrong, or Sunburst came back early. He couldn’t go, and it made him sad. He sniffled, and was surprised to feel wetness streaking down his cheeks. But then, he decided to get his mind on something else. Exploring.
He decided to make the most of his first day as a foal. He wanted to try what he could while he could. He crawled around the room, babbling, cooing, looking at things. Everything seemed so new. A pocket watch left on a nightstand became something shiny to look at and the engravings on it became a texture to feel. The bed he managed to get on was suddenly an ocean, and he was a pirate, ready to explore it. He got so caught up in his strange new world of sensations that he didn’t notice that he had to go to the bathroom until he felt wetness in his diaper. He looked down, suckling on his hoof, and watched it discolor. There wasn’t a particular emotion he felt watching it. It was as if he’d been pulled out of his body and watched it happen to somepony else. But that feeling soon faded and sensation came swarming back in. His diaper was warm and comforting, and all he could think to do was giggle childishly and crawl around, like a baby who didn’t even know he was wet. But a few moments later, a new feeling hit him- he needed to poop. Deciding he had nothing left to lose, he continued crawling as though nothing was happening, though the grunting and cooing he was doing made no mistake to anyone what was going on. Finally, the mess entered his diaper. He kept going until he was done, and then finally paused in his crawling to reflect on the sensation. It felt unpleasant, but not necessarily bad. The warmth was nice, but he felt uncomfortable. So, he looked around, waiting perhaps for somepony to come and change him, before he remembered that he would have to do it. He pouted. That wouldn’t be fun.
It wasn’t fun in the least. Changing Flurry was hard, but in retrospect, it was much easier than changing himself. But finally, he was cleaned up, and teleported the diaper out of the room and into the nearest dumpster, cleaning himself. Tempted as he was to put on another diaper, he decided to save it for another day.
After that first day as a foal, Shining longed to do it more often. A few times in the next three months he was able to indulge, but not nearly as often as he wanted to. He gained a few supplies in that time- An adult pacifier in a blue that matched his mane, a rattle, a teething ring, and some pastel soft blocks. But the one constant that he found he still longed for was his mother. He wanted to be taken care of. But he couldn’t ask her for this… Could he?
That was a question he spent many nights thinking about. He knew he had to decide before another opportunity presented itself so he could plan ahead. And eventually, he decided he should at least tell her about these escapades so that if nothing else he could get moral support. Whether she would be involved would be her decision. And the night he decided that, he fell asleep at peace with his choices.
The opportunity came when Cadence told him that Flurry was going to go with Sunburst to a conference about alicorn children, and the differences between unicorn and Pegasi children. Apparently he’d wanted to give the best examples possible, and those in the room would be parents of unicorns and pegasi. A room full of parents and one baby was probably the safest place she could be. Shining jumped at the opportunity. He casually asked Cadence if she wouldn’t mind giving him a day away from everything to go and see his parents. Though a bit grumpy at still having to maintain her kingdom when she should have been getting a break, she could concede to herself that Shining had held down the fort many times before, and he hadn’t seen his parents in a while. So, she’d agreed, and he’d sent a scroll to his mother that very day. Her reply came quickly, and she said she would be delighted to have him. Shining internally rejoiced as he told Cadence that he would be going.
The morning of, he couldn’t stop himself from fidgeting. He’d had to wait until Cadence was in the shower to grab his duffel bag, and even then used a shrinking spell to fit it inside of his saddlebags. He’d dutifully kissed his wife goodbye and promised her a massage when he got back, before he was off to his parents house.
As he traveled, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d made a bad decision in telling his mother about this. What if she rejected him? What if she thought he was gross? What if she was ashamed? And what would he do if his father was home? He certainly wasn’t in a place where he wanted him to know about this. It was only his mother he trusted enough to tell, and even that was shaky. But when he got off of the train, and teleported to his mother’s home, he knocked on the wooden door, his mother answered, enveloping him in a comforting hug.
“Shiny! Oh I’ve missed you so much, dear!” She said. And suddenly, his doubt seemed to fade away.
“I missed you too, mom. Where’s Dad?”
“Oh, he had to go on a business trip a few days ago. I thought he would have been back today to see you, but he had to stay until tomorrow evening to smooth some things over. He’s going to be sorry he missed you. I guess you’ll have a day with just me instead.” She smiled.
“It’s never just you, Mom.” He smiled.
“Oh Shiny, such a flatterer! Come on in, I’ll make us some tea.” She said.
Shining walked through his parents home, and his worries seemed to fade away with every step. As his mother started to prepare their tea, he wondered how he could bring this up. Every thought he came up with seemed to fall short. In the end, he decided to just wait to tell her until it came naturally.
“Here we are! Earl Neigh, your favorite.” She sang.
“Thanks mom.” He smiled.
“So, how is Flurry doing?” Velvet asked, happy to find out about her granddaughter.
“She’s great.” He smiled. “Really energetic. We’ve had to chase her around more times than I can count.”
Velvet chuckled. “Sounds just like a certain colt I knew who could never keep still.” The fondness in her voice sparked hope inside of him that she would be okay with this. “And Cadence?”
“She’s doing well. She’s got her hooves full with Flurry most of the time.”
“I can imagine.” Velvet smiled. “But something is bothering you, honey. I know you well enough to know that.”
He looked into his tea, unsure of how to start this conversation. “It’s been hard, Mom.” He said, finally. “I love Flurry and I love Cadence but… I don’t see Cadence anymore. She’s always with Flurry or handling Empire matters and I don’t get to talk to her.” He said softly.
Velvet put a hoof on his shoulder. “It’s never easy adjusting to a new baby.” She said.
Shining felt tears threaten his eyes. “Yeah, but… But…” Suddenly, in a raw burst of emotion, it all came flooding out. “I wanna be a baby! I want some attention and some hugs once in a while! I want to give Brutus hugs and not have to worry that he’ll get hurt! I wanna get cuddles and not feel like everything is going to be ruined! I want somepony to hold me and make me feel safe because I have to do it for everypony else all the time and I don’t wanna do it for a while! I don’t wanna grow up! I just want you, Mama!” He was sobbing by the end of the speech into his tea.
Velvet was shocked at first. But, as his words sank in, she calmly pulled him over to her and into her lap. It made perfect sense to her. He was a new father, a ruler of an empire, a supervisor of all guards, and a public figure. With constant scrutiny on the outside, and a baby taking up attention behind closed doors, he had no outlet. He carried so many ponies on his shoulders. Of course he needed a break. He wasn’t going to get one at home, so he came to her, as she’d hoped he would when he was young. He hadn’t listened to her then, but he was listening now, and that was what was important.
She rubbed his back as he cried, just as she’d done when he was a colt. “Oh, my poor little Shiny-Winey. It’s no fun being a big boy, huh?”
He shook his head, sniffling. “Nuh uh.”
“You’re just Mama’s sweet baby boy, huh? Much too little to worry about such big things.” She crooned.
“Me baby, Mama.”
“Mommy knows you’re a baby, sweetheart. Can Mommy take care of her baby boy today, huh?”
Shining wiped at his eyes. “I dun wanna be a big boy no more, Mama. I baby, I need my diapees.”
“Well of course you do.” She said gently. “Did you bring diapees with you, sweet boy?”
He nodded, and pointed to his saddlebag. She rummaged inside and found the only thing inside to be a shrunken duffel bag. She used her own magic to restore it’s former size, telling her son that he was “Too little for that”, before she got out everything she needed. “Come on, Shiny. Let’s go to your bedroom and get you all nice and safe in a fresh diapee!” She cooed, offering him her hoof as she had when he was little.
Shining was happy to take it. His brain was still reeling from his emotional outburst, but now that he was able to think about things a bit, he could only find himself happy that his mother accepted him.
Velvet led him to his old room and patted his bed. “Okay, Shiny! On the bed for Mommy!” She chirped. Shining got on the bed, feeling the same way he did the first time he’d used a diaper- having that surreal, out of body feeling- as though it was happening to somepony else. But it wasn’t. He felt every tender and loving movement his mother made as she put him in his first diaper in well over twenty years. And yet, She did it as if she’d done it the day before. The only difference was her asking him to lift up for her to slide the diaper beneath him. Quicker than his dazed mind could comprehend, his diaper was taped up.
He snapped back into awareness only to find himself sinking into bliss. He was diapered, with his mother right there, and she was smiling at him. He carefully sat up, sticking a hoof in his mouth to suck on. Velvet caught that immediately.
“No no, Shiny! Hooves are yucky and have germs. Paci is all clean. Much better.” She cooed, and got the pacifier from the duffel bag to pop into his mouth, before floating over Brutus Force. Shining immediately latched onto his doll and let out a happy sounding gurgle of pleasure. Velvet went over to her son, and pulled him into a cuddle. “You were always Mama’s Shiny Snuggler when you were a baby. I guess you didn’t grow up, huh?”
Shining vigorously shook his head. “Need Mama.”
“And you’ll always have Mama. You’re Mama’s beautiful baby boy, and Mama wouldn’t trade you for anything.” Velvet said giving him a gentle kiss. Shining cooed contentedly, and Velvet couldn’t help but think how many years it had been since she’d heard it. Her heart leapt a little in her chest. She snuggled her baby boy a little longer before looking at him. “Now Shiny, how little do you want to be?” She asked.
“I baby!”
“Yes, Mama knows that. But how little of a baby are you?” She asked.
Shining puzzled at that. He didn’t really have an answer, so he just suckled his pacifier contentedly.
Velvet understood that meant he didn’t know. “Well, alright.” She smiled. “We’ll see what happens together, hmm?” She crooned. Shining giggled at her tone, before plopping down on the floor, and beginning to crawl. He began to babble as he pointed his hoof to a colorful book.
“Adada!”
Velvet went over to the bookshelf and pulled it out. “You want Mama to read you a story?” She cooed.
He made a pleased noise in reply, and she smiled. She went over to his bed and sat down. “Okay baby boy, come to Mommy!”
Shining cooed and crawled to her. She helped him into her lap after she applauded his crawling. “Such a little wiggle worm you are!” She cooed, situating him in her lap. He laid his head in the crook of her neck and snuggled her as she began to read him a story. He cooed, giggled, and clapped at certain points, reminding Velvet so much of his real foalhood that for a moment she forgot her son was grown. But that was the whole point, wasn’t it? It became apparent to her suddenly, sharply, that he simply hadn’t grown up all the way. For the moment he wasn’t a stallion with a job, he was her baby boy and he needed her to care for him. She gave him a gentle kiss as she held him, finishing the book.
“Mama just loves cuddling with her sweet baby boy, yes she does!” She cooed.
Shining giggled, and nuzzled her gently. He felt so safe and cared for at that moment. It was the best he’d felt in months. Finally, he was getting a little of the attention he so desperately needed. He was happy to be held and cuddled and cooed to, because it was so necessary. He couldn’t help but think about all the times he’d seen his mother cuddle his sister like this as a child. He thought he could recall a seed of jealousy, even back then. Maybe that’s really where this all started. Maybe his daughter just brought back that old jealousy in him and need for attention. But right now, it seemed to be something to be grateful for. Because if it hadn’t happened then he wouldn’t have had this. He suckled gently on the pacifier in his mouth, Brutus in his lap, as he hugged his mother close. Her understanding was all he could have asked for, and somehow he’d gotten even more than that because she was willing to love him and play with him despite how odd it may have seemed. His Mama was the best one ever, and he was going to tell her so.
“Mama best.” He said, giving her a gentle hug around the neck.
Velvet smiled, heart warmed by the sight. It felt so unbelievably good to hear that from her children, back then, or now. After her own children had left her home she’d struggled with her sense of identity. She wasn’t an active mother anymore by technicality, so who was she? It had taken her a while to realize that she was still a mother, and that her children would always need her, but it just wouldn’t be the same as it was. But today had taken her back to those days and given her hope that maybe they weren’t over completely. To hear her son say she was the best eliminated an insecurity She hadn’t known was there. She gave her son a tender kiss filled with so much emotion she couldn’t stand it.
“I have the best baby boy.” She whispered.
The sweet moment was interrupted by a growling sound and Shining whimpering.
“Uh-Oh! Sounds like Mama’s Shiny Snuggler is hungry!” She cooed. Shining nodded. “What would you like to eat, sweetie pie?”
“Milkies.” He cooed.
That one singular word brought back a torrent of memories for Velvet. She’d done something controversial for her time, and breastfed both of her children past the accepted age of one. However, she knew it had been a good thing based on the books she’d read about it. She knew that after the first year of breastmilk production the milk secreted more essential nutrients that would keep her children healthy. She knew that children who nursed longer had healthier immune systems. She knew that children who breastfed longer usually developed higher intelligence (Twilight was certainly proof of that), and created more independent children- of Which both of her children were proof. Shining had left home to train for the royal guard early on, and Twilight had always been her own pony. She was a testament to the fact that extended breastfeeding worked. Her children had come to her after they could talk to ask for “Milkies” and she’d welcomed them. The one word brought back such memories. However, The one fact she’d considered the most right now was that it was a good way to meet a child’s needs.
This prompted her with a choice to make. Normally lactation stopped after breastfeeding did, and for her it had for a long time, but the medication she took for hypothyroidism did sometimes cause her to lactate. The question she was left with now was if she would breastfeed her son again or not, or more so, offer him the choice. It wasn’t that she was hesitant to the idea. Not at all. It was that she didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable. But this was in instance where the possible rewards outweighed the risks. She decided to take her chances.
“Shiny?” She asked him, and he looked up at her. “Do you want to have some of Mama’s milkies again?”
A memory so faint he had to snatch at it to keep it played before him. He could recall nursing from his mother very faintly. It was so worn with age he almost didn’t know it existed. But he could recall feeling safe from it. He was curious, though, as to how this was possible. He cocked his head to the side.
“Mama milkies?” He questioned.
Velvet nodded. “Yes, Mama takes medicine that lets her make milkies.”
Understanding now, he nodded eagerly. “Mama milkies!” He cheered.
Velvet chuckled lovingly, giving him a nuzzle. “Yes, Mama milkies.” She adjusted him in her lap so that he could nurse from her. One hoof supported his head, the other his body, as she held him in her lap. He seemed to latch onto her immediately, suckling from her, and she remembered suddenly that after Twilight had been born that Shining had asked her endless questions about breastfeeding, and soon after had began to suckle on just about everything. He did that with drinking out of water bottles still, actually. She didn’t think he ever realized it. Maybe she would tell him someday, but not now. Right now, she was too focused on the utter bliss she was feeling. At first the sensation of suckling gave her a pinching feeling, like a twinge of a long damaged nerve, and then a tingling one as the milk began to flow inside of her. But then, the relief swept in, with its nirvana-like bliss. The sensation of tugging on her breast wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, but that portion of it wasn’t good either. Luckily though, her son soon found his rhythm, and it was something she could anticipate and prepare for.
For Shining Armor, this was quite possibly the best feeling he’d had since Flurry had been born. A voice in his head- disjointed from the rest of himself- wondered why he didn’t hesitate before beginning to nurse from his mother. But the answer conjured itself up almost immediately. Because he so desperately craved attention and affection that he wasn’t able to hesitate. He couldn’t remember himself nursing from his mother all too well, but he could remember Twilight nursing from her and just how intimate and close it seemed. He felt relieved, as though he was suddenly imbued with the knowledge that his needs were important too.
But, as he would soon realize, that wasn’t the only relief he had.
So absorbed was he with the suckling motions and sensations of nursing that he didn’t feel his diaper growing warm. But Velvet did. She looked down and saw his diaper discoloring and felt her heart leap a little. He’d wet himself during nursing as a baby too. Some things never changed, and that was a comfort to her. The fact that he was so engrossed in one task but oblivious to what was going on around him was the opposite of how he was as a Royal Guard. It was a testament to just how much perspective could shift in a short time. And speaking of shifting…
Shining Armor was finally satisfied, having drank his fill. It wasn’t until he leaned back just slightly against his mother that he realized he was wet. For maybe half a second, embarrassment breached through the iron strength of his need to be little, but was quickly fended off as his mind conjured up a more age-appropriate response: Laughter. He giggled, sticking his hoof in his mouth.
“I pee pee, Mama.” He said around his hoof, before beginning to suckle on it.
“Well that’s what baby boys like you are supposed to do.” She assured him. She didn’t particularly approve of the hoofsucking- Celestia only knew how often she’d had to be on top of that when he was a colt- but the more prevalent issue of a diaper rash was more pressing. “But all baby boys need changies from their Mommies so they don’t get diapee rash!” She cooed. “Let’s get you changed, pumpkin.”
Shining got up from her lap, and only had to adjust himself enough so that he wasn’t laying on here. Thank Celestia that was all he had to do, because he was pretty sure his diaper wouldn’t let him sit up by himself. However, he didn’t see that as a problem- he saw it as something to make him need his mother more, which by all accounts was a good thing in his eyes. He watched, hoof in his mouth, as his mother got out supplies for his first true diaper change in over twenty years. Yes, he had changed himself before, and yes, she had put him in a diaper earlier, but his mother hadn’t changed him from a used diaper in all that time. Were he thinking like the adult he’d been the past twenty odd years, he would have been highly embarrassed and ashamed. But now, letting the foal locked away inside free at last, he found it to be the natural order of things. He was a baby, and his mother was changing him. As long as his diaper got changed, the logistics didn’t matter.
Velvet got out all of the supplies needed to change her son. The powder and wipes were from her bathroom, assuming he hadn’t brought them from home- although he certainly could have since he always had plenty on hoof for Flurry. She was glad to finally be able to move the duffel bag and begin changing him. It was odd to her, how something like this could be nostalgic. By all accounts some of the sights and smells involved in diaper changes were things nopony wanted to remember. But now, looking at all of it in reflection, she realized that deep down, it brought back some wonderful memories. She realized now that in the hustle and bustle of those days with a foal, she hadn’t been able to cherish and appreciate the little things. No more. As long as Shiny wanted to be her baby, she would be happy to have him, and a new set of memories to enjoy along with it.
Both of her children had been out of the house for a while now. When they’d first left, she’d felt their absence so sharply it hurt. She’d found so many reasons to pine for them. She had lost a vital part of her identity when they’d left. She was only half a pony without her children. Small things of theirs had become a comfort to her. After Shining moved out, she’d dug through a box of his baby things and discovered his baby blanket- named “Bink Bink” by him at eighteen months old- and had taken to sleeping with it. It still smelled like him, and she would lie there at night, that blanket pressed to her muzzle, pretending she could still smell him- that he was still there. And when Twilight moved to study under Celestia, She’d read Twilight’s favorite fillyhood story “Gusty The Great” to herself every night before bed. Slowly, she’d found out who she was again without them in the house, but she hadn’t felt… complete.
Not until now.
She hadn’t realized it, until that moment, how accustomed she’d become to that hollow feeling inside of her that had begun the moment each of her children had left to live on their own. She hadn’t realized how unnecessary she’d felt to them. She’d done her job, and they were prepared to face the world. That was what her job as a parent was, wasn’t it? But underneath that philosophy was a darker side. She’d been afraid to send her babies into the world, where she couldn’t protect them. She knew the world out there would hurt them in ways she couldn’t anticipate. The instinctual, primal need to protect and defend those souls she’d carried inside her had nearly overwhelmed her. She’d had moments where she had considered caving into that shadow self of hers, keeping them safe and close at home, and never letting them see the outside world. She’d wanted to keep them safe and innocent forever- but she knew she couldn’t raise them that way. So she’d sent her children out into the world and prayed a selfish prayer that they’d come back to her and not like what they saw. In a very odd way, that prayer had been answered- just not in any way she’d ever anticipated.
Her son had come back to her, afraid of being forgotten by those who were the most important in his world. But she would never let him be forgotten. As she untaped his diaper, threw it away, and wiped him, powdered him, put him in another one, she tried to convey a silent message: I will never forget you.
Shining seemed distracted as she changed him. He’d sucked on his hoof and looked around the room, hugging Brutus to him. To Velvet, he seemed like a fawn, with his innocent and wide-eyed expression. To her, it seemed like he saw everything with innocent eyes- confused, fascinated, and slightly afraid. But with every tender movement she made, a sort of assurance seemed to reflect itself in those eyes. What she did not know, was the simplicity and singularity of his thinking. The phrase repeating itself underneath whatever errant thoughts may have floated through his mind was: Mama loves me and won’t let me get hurt.
When she’d finished changing him, she’d teleported in a bit of hoof sanitizer to clean her hooves. She wasn’t too sure how he’d react to her leaving his sight, and on top of that she knew he’d always been a troublemaker as a baby, so she didn’t want to risk leaving him, even for a few moments. When her hooves were clean, she went over to him, leaned down, and kissed his head, taking in the scent of him. It smelled almost exactly as it did when he’d been a baby- The scent of the air before a storm, foal powder, and the unique scent of him. The one she’d recognized him by only an hour after holding him for the first time. Her baby’s scent. She didn’t think she’d ever smell that again, and the fact that she was almost brought her to tears. But the impending tears were replaced with a smile as she heard her baby boy giggling. She looked down. Shiny was staring up at her with a goofy grin.
“Mama.” He’d giggled happily.
“Do you like getting kissies from Mama, baby boy?” She crooned to him.
Shining nodded vigorously. “Mama kissies best!”
A bit of a devious smile curled her lips that made Shining tilt his head in questioning. “Well then…” She paused for dramatic effect. “I guess you wouldn’t mind a visit from the kissy monster!”
Then, the assault began as she peppered him with kisses. His face, his tummy, his hooves, his legs- nowhere was safe. She listened to his giggles, his squeals, his peals of laughter, and it lit her up inside to know that he still had the capacity to feel that level of happiness, and that she made him feel that way. All that time spent feeling impotent as a mother seemed to melt away, as she enjoyed the here and now, where his foalhood seemingly hadn’t ever stopped. It fixed a part of her that she hadn’t known was broken.
She let up eventually so that her son could have a few moments to breathe. He was still giggling, trying to catch his breath between laughs. She sat on the bed, and he crawled into her lap- just as he’d done when he wanted cuddles and to be held. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. She wasn’t sure, with this state of mind, how much of it he’d really take from it. But she knew she had to say it, in case she didn’t get the chance to later on.
“I love you, baby. It was you, Shiny, more than anypony, who showed me what love really was. When they put you in my arms for the first time...” She had to pause to swallow an obstruction in her throat. “I knew from that second that I would do anything for you. I would do whatever it took to keep you safe, happy, and healthy, no matter what. You were my first baby, and I will always treasure that. The bond we share is different from the one Twily and I share because it was you, and you alone, who made me what I always wanted to be- A mommy.”
Shining snuggled with her. She didn’t know what he was thinking, or how much of that he took in, but the way he cuddled with her, and let out a soft coo, let her know that the emotion and intention behind it had been received. And for a long time, she just held him, soaking it all in. She was more at peace with herself than she had been in so long, and she cherished the serenity of it all. With all the happenings of her life, and of her son’s, this moment was an oasis of peace for the both of them.
Velvet couldn’t tell how long they stayed that way. Shining’s room didn’t have windows that didn’t have blackout curtains, so she never could tell the time. But eventually, Shining let out a yawn and relaxed even more into her. She stroked his mane and looked down at him.
“Are you sleepy, baby boy?” She cooed.
“Mmmmm.” He snuggled in deeper to her, as he’d used to so long ago before he went to sleep.
“I think it’s nap time for you, sleepy boy.” She crooned.
“Mmm…” His voice grew fainter.
When she tried to move him off of her to lay him down, he gave a poignant whine of protest.
“Okay, alright.” She soothed, patting his back. “You don’t want to leave Mama, huh?” A faint shaking of the head was felt against her. She knew he was likely beyond the point of talking to. “Can you walk to Mama’s room for her? Then you can take a nice nap and cuddle with Mama the whole time.”
He groaned a little, but started to get up. When she was able to get up, she let him lean on her for support. She walked him to her room, and pulled back the covers just as Shining collapsed onto her bed. She tucked him in gingerly, before climbing on the other side of the bed. He immediately curled into her, snuggling up to her, and it brought back vivid memories of when he’d climb into her bed at two years old, and snuggle with her in the mornings. It had always been the best way to wake up. Now, she kissed him on the head.
“Sleep, sweetheart. Mama will be here when you wake up.” She soothed.
And just like that, he was out like a light.
Velvet watched him the entire time he slept. Even when her children were grown she’d never quite kicked the habit of checking in on them when they were sleeping. She’d loved to watch their faces relax and wonder what they were dreaming about. She could watch them dream forever. And so she did it again now.
When Shining woke up later on, he felt… euphoric. Normally, he would be groggy when he awoke, but it was not so this time. Months of pent up stress, fear, and frustration had been released with today, and it was relieving. He’d woke up in the arms of his mother, seeing her smiling down at him lovingly, and felt like he was okay again.
Velvet instinctively knew that he was thinking with his adult mind now- and how odd was it that she’d differentiated between the two so quickly?- and smiled at him.
“Feeling better?” She asked gently.
“Much.” He smiled.
Velvet gave him a kiss. “Good. This was an incredible day you gave me. This gave me so many wonderful memories and I will treasure them forever.”
Shining smiled. “Me too. I’m really glad I told you, Mom.”
“So am I.” She smiled. “I loved getting to hold you today.”
He smiled. “It was awesome.”
“Whenever you need this, or even just a break from back home, you can always come to me, honey. I’ll do whatever you need me to, just to see you happy. I’ll turn your room into a nursery if you want. I just want to see you smile.”
He smiled. “Thanks, Mama.”
The two of them shared an embrace.
Shining Armor stayed until dinner was over. Velvet had made one of his favorite meals, grilled cheese and tomato soup with parsley and basil. And the two of them had talked for quite some time, about seemingly inconsequential things. How Night Light’s accounting firm was doing, how Twilight was enjoying Aunthood, how Spike was making connections in The Dragonlands. It was blissful to know that even after what could have been considered an abnormal day they could still have conversations like this.
When the dishes were done, he looked to his mother. “I should probably get back home. Cadence probably has her hooves full with Flurry."
Velvet nodded her understanding. “Of course, honey. Do you need anything for the trip home?”
“No, I think I’ll be fine, thanks.” He smiled.
He packed what he’d taken from his duffel bag back into it, and shrunk it into his saddlebag as he had done before. Then, coming out from his bedroom, he went to the living room where his mother was waiting. She wrapped him in a warm embrace.
“Don’t ever be afraid to come here when you need a break, sweetheart. I will always take care of you. I promise.” She whispered.
He wrapped his hooves around her. “Thank you, Mama.”
“Always.” She promised.
Velvet gave her son one last kiss goodbye, before Shining Armor went to catch his train home. As images of Canterlot flashed by on the train, he couldn’t help but smile a little.
Maybe he didn’t have to grow up completely after all, because there was one pony who would always love every part of who he was- his Mother.