Seriously, Starlight is about to lose it again, and needs some help unwinding.
Ben is a recent citizen of Ponyville, and has warmed up to his neighbors quite easily. However, another less recent resident is in a bit of a mood and needs the only solution that he knows of.
Starlight's New Drinking Buddy Don't Knock It 'til You Try It
It was 2:30 on an early fall Friday afternoon. The sun was out and a low, cool breeze was moving through the grounds of the School of Friendship. Most students were just eager to get out of the classroom and enjoy the day just playing buckball, heading out to go fishing, or engaging in some other hobby just to put off doing their homework.
At least, this is what Benjamin Murdoch was thinking as he approached the front door of the school.
These musings were a mild source of nostalgia for the young luthier. Although such memories were mildly plagued with the reminder of the fact that he couldn't make it back to his old Oklahoma ranch home, Ben had accepted that he needed to move on with his life. Right now he had one mission: to give Starlight Glimmer her order of custom-made kite spars.
Now Ben's relationship with Starlight had a rocky start. The first meeting was convoluted by the fact that they were both already a bit agitated at the time. During the middle of summer, Ben ran out of spruce stock and had approached Burnt Oak about acquiring some extra. Unfortunately, Starlight had just run off with the last of it for kite spars (WAY more than she would have needed). After Ben called her out for it, Starlight made a retaliatory remark, thus evolving into a heated argument about scarcity of supplies. (Ben still couldn't figure out how that happened.)
In short, the whole thing came to blows, which led to Twilight Sparkle and Big Mac breaking up the fight. "Honestly Princess, I woulda gotten to ya sooner if their jabbin' weren't so damn funny," said Burnt. "I know one of them mentioned something about the other actin' like a beaver."
Big Mac would have died laughing on the spot if he weren't struggling to hold Ben to the ground.
Twilight, however, knew that disciplinary action would need to be taken: they would be forced to get to know each other over their respective occupations and hobbies for a month. Ben may not have been her pupil, but that didn't mean that she couldn't read him the riot act. Needless to say, neither party was the least bit enthused about this.
The first week was riddled with trading insults at each other, but it was tolerable. To Twilight's relief, however, the pair had simmered down in the midst of Week Two. The tension was gone, and there was polite interest in each others' pastimes. Unfortunately this had the side effect of both having an affinity for the use of...….. questionable language, usually involving some crude jokes. (Twilight eventually needed Big Mac to explain the beaver euphemism to her, at which she gawked with a blush.)
Anyway, that was then, this was now. After discussing what being a luthier meant, Starlight began requesting some specially-made kite spars for testing. Despite still not understanding the appeal of kites, Ben still wouldn't say "no" to some extra bits in-hand, plus she was willing to help him source alternative materials to what he normally used back home. I really need to thank her for that, he thought before opening the door. Who would have thought that cragadile bone would make a decent substitute for nut and saddle material.
Upon entering the building, Twilight was pacing in circles and mumbling (again). This ain't good. Still, Ben had to come up with something to break her reverie.
"Yo, Egghead", Ben called to her.
Twilight stopped pacing and gave him the evil eye. "I didn't like that joke coming from Rainbow Dash, and I sure as Tartarus don't appreciate it from you," Twilight said. "Especially given where we're standing."
Ben quipped, "Hey, it kept you from wearing another trench into the floor, right?" This earned him a less stern stinkeye from the neurotic princess. She's so tiny...….it's funny when she's mad. At this thought, Ben nearly chuckled, but deigned to just give her his signature crooked, smug grin. They remained like this for a minute or so until Ben decided to break the silence.
"Anywho, is Starlight in her office?" Ben inquired. "I've got the kite spars that she asked for the other day. Figured I should just bring them over before I got caught up in making another mandolin over the weekend."
At this, Twilight relaxed. I swear, if he hadn't showed up to town back in spring, Octavia probably would have lost her mind over DJ Pon-3 breaking another one of her cello bows. "Actually, that's why I was in a tizzy." She gave an apologetic look to the stocky, straw-haired man with the soul patch on his chin. "She's been working on records for the new students this semester, and it's been stressing her out. Maybe your presence and gift might get her calmed down, because I'm not sure how to break her out of her mood."
Oh brother. Ben could relate. Any time he had a customer constantly requesting changes to their guitar in the middle of the build, he'd be tempted to punt their ass out of the front door if it weren't for the fact that he liked his work. Thankfully it's just the Canterlot snobs who do that, especially since they usually don't care about the upcharges for the extra work. As much as he hated doing that to someone, a good craftsman could only take so many demands until he had to play hardball. Most everyone else knew exactly what they wanted like Octavia and AppleJack. "I'll see what I can do, okay? Catch ya later, Twi."
Twilight spoke her thanks and waved him off. "Good luck!" she called after him.
As he was approaching Starlight's office, the sound that came was the loudest groan of exasperation to ever pound into his eardrums since the mandatory meetings began. I have a feeling that the new spars may not do much to brighten her day. With mild hesitation, he knocked on the door.
"I'll be with you in a moment," Starlight called from inside the office. The sound of papers flying and magic could be heard from Ben's side of the door. Then the sound of another shot of magic came through followed by a low "Come in".
Ben came into the room, and Starlight gave a start. "Oh! Ben!" Starlight said. She then teleported to her desk before Ben could take note of her current state. It was then he noticed that her smile was a bit forced, and her hair was particularly frazzled.
Definitely not one of her better days, Ben mused.
With a bit of strain in her voice, Starlight spoke up, "so what brings you by?"
Ben then answered, "Sorry if I interrupted anything. Just bringing in those spars that you asked for."
Starlight, shocked by this, said, "Really? it only took you two days to get to that?"
Now Ben's face had switched to deadpan, which made his square jaw more obvious. "Starlight, that was last week." When Starlight's face had switched to a look of confusion, Ben nearly did a facepalm. Damn, she must have gotten worked up over some kind of missing detail. That or unintentionally gave some bad advice.
"Last week?" she inquired. The frazzled unicorn went to her desk and checked the giant calendar on the top. Now she was in a total state of shock. What the shit?! How did I lose track of time? I shouldn't be stressing like this, but I need to get these files straightened out by next Wednesday! Oh, what if I don't get done in time? EEP! What if Twilight fires me for this!? STOP STRESSING!
Ben noticed that she was getting more frazzled by the second. I don't think she can take much more of this kind of pressure, self-imposed or not. She desperately needs to unwind. A thought suddenly crossed his mind. It's the weekend damnit. I don't think kites will do much good if she's in this state of mind. Time to use the big guns. At this point, Starlight was now worrying out loud. Ben decided now was the time to act, thus resulting in Starlight's cheeks being smashed by his large, callused hands. To this she became quiet.
"Starlight, you need to get out of the office for the weekend: mind and all. Do I make myself clear?"
All Starlight could manage at this point was a slight nod. As much as she hated the "chipmunk cheeks" hold being used on her (any normal day this was grounds for a warning spell), she was well aware that Ben was in "no nonsense" mode. "Good," Ben whispered.
However, Starlight still needed to speak up. With a bit of a muffle to her speech, she said, "Uhm, could you let go of me now?"
Ben released her, then gave her a look of total resolve. "There's only one good solution for this: alcohol."
At this, Starlight became indignant. "Ben, you know that I have an image to maintain for my job. I must maintain a standard of decency if this school is to have a good reputation. If I even consider cutting loose with the booze anytime soon, then the school falls apart alongside my reputation. I thought you of all, erm….people, was it? Right. Point is, you see where I'm coming from."
Now it was Ben's turn to be irritated. Oy vey. "Starlight, I ain't telling you to drink like a fish. Believe me, the last thing I want to do is make you look like a fool to the EEA. Yes, I'm right there with ya on the issue of professionalism, but that's not what this is about. The point is you're losing your mind over the more mundane things of the job. Frankly, from what I've heard, the last thing I want to see is another 'Bottled Anger' incident. You with me so far?"
At this, Starlight sighed and dropped her head in (what Ben assumed to be) shame. "Ugh, you're right. Maybe I do need some other means of stress relief besides the kites."
Ben's expression softened a bit. Now we're cookin'. "A'right, I'm going to have a short chat with Twilight to get you off work early. Get yourself straightened up: your hair is a mess. Meet me outside the school doors at 6. If you're not there by then, you'll be answering to Twilight. Worse yet, I may recruit Pinkie Pie to do so. Capisce?"
5:58 PM that evening.....
Ben was waiting outside with his toe tapping on the front step impatiently. Man, she's cutting it close. Guess Pinkie is gonna have to nag Starlight for once. On the other hand, he recalled that they never agreed to a Pinkie Promise. This left him a bit uncertain about getting Starlight to go along with this. She probably called my bluff and just got back to work again. I really didn't think that through.
Then he heard a commotion on the other side of the entry. Although he did hear Starlight's voice, what caught him off-guard was the sound of Twilight in the midst of the scuffle. He held his ear against the door to get a better idea of what was happening.
"Starlight, if you don't get out there right now, I'll have a magic restraint placed on your horn for the rest of the semester," Twilight said (at least he assumed).
Then Starlight pleaded, "Twilight, I'm not even close to having everything sorted out in time for the EEA yet! Don't blackmail me like that!"
"Starlight, you've been driving yourself crazy with paperwork! As much as I tolerate his crass demeanor, he's right. You at least need something to take your mind off of it. Seriously, I can tell you barely registered how much time had passed since you asked him to do whatever it was that you needed for those kites." There was a pause, followed by "Don't give me that look, Starlight. Not even those kites will get that irritation out of your head. I know you're not thrilled about drinking, but at least give it another chance. As far as I can tell, Ben's not one to overindulge in the sauce. Now GO!"
Those last words hadn't left her mouth much sooner than Ben had pulled his ear away from the door, already anticipating what would happen next. Lo and behold, the door swung open without delay, and Starlight was rushed out the door in Twilight's aura. Once outside, she was released from Twilight's telekinesis, followed by a skid of roughly ten feet. Ben only caught Twilight's leer for a mere split second before the door was slammed shut again.
Ben spoke first. "So, you ready to go?"
"As ready as I'll ever be, all things considered," said Starlight.
Starlight's New Drinking Buddy The Fun Begins.....
Dusk was Ben's favorite time of the day, especially during autumn under a clear sky. God, this reminds me of home. There was something about the sight of the sky that just made it breathtaking: just how the Western horizon would shift from pale blue to different shades of orange with the sun looking more like a half-ripe nectarine as the minutes passed on. As you'd shift your sight towards the East, there would be a gentle transition to pinks and magentas, followed by royal dark purples and blues at the opposite horizon. Then it was even more stunning with stray patches of clouds: they would have lavender bottoms with the cumulus having golden outlines as though they belong on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.
This was lost on Starlight though, as she was a bit more than irritated with her unceremonious boot to the rump out of the school. And by Twilight no less! As they moved through town, the only thing she was concerned about was why she even agreed to this whole thing in the first place. Seriously, how hard is it to say 'no' to this load of horseapples!? I could just be working on that paperwork at the moment for Celestia's sake! Her irritation was too obvious for Ben to miss.
He began to consider how to ease her into the whole thing. By second nature, he had the intention of ensuring she wasn't doing this on an empty stomach (which he was guessing was the case, considering the argument he heard outside the school). His past experience with hungry drinking had engrained itself into his mind too much. Oddly enough, even to this day he couldn't make sense of how he was able to remember how things happened when he did that. Either way, he learned fast enough that drinking on an empty stomach tends to make the rest of the day and night suck. Not to mention the killer hangover the following morning, and even here with magic around there's still no cure for a hangover. He had often wondered whether or not there really was such a cure, but the equines preferred that the drunks learn from their stupidity, or if it was just more fun to laugh at it. He wouldn't be bothered if both were true. It's like being the one guy that sneaks up behind a horse: you either learn from it or you're branded as the village idiot, thus becoming the local "entertainment".
It was in this musing that he realized his unintended pun, and began to chuckle.
Starlight, broken from her own reverie, couldn't help but notice. "Okay, do I want to know what you find amusing?" she questioned, her left eyebrow cocked high.
Ben thus put an end to his momentary immaturity. "Oh, it's nothing. Just my mind playing jokes on me again."
Starlight's face softened to portray a lace of curiosity. It was now that she noticed that they had arrived at their destination. Now that her interest had been piqued, she felt the need to ask. "Is this another one of your weird thoughts that you occasionally let me in on, or is it something from your home world again?"
Ben paused for a moment when something caught the corner of his eye, particularly a hint of a purple-furred, horned pony face on the top of the roof at the neighboring building. Really Twi, you're still paranoid about what she might pull? Then he recalled what he had been told about when Twilight left Starlight with the rest of her Ponyville posse while on a royal business trip. Guess I can't blame her. Nobody's perfect, but God knows what kind of devious stuff she might try to pull. Okay Sparkybuns, I'll let you have this. "Might be better if I try to explain this over the burgers and the first round."
After taking an open booth and ordering their meals, both took closer note of the crowd. The bar was about the size of what you'd expect in one of the old settlements of the little towns that popped up in the Old West. It didn't take up a lot of the street front, but it was at least four times deeper. Berry Punch was on bartender duty tonight, and was in the middle of pouring draft beer for Davenport, who looked like he had a particularly rough day. There were a few others that Ben couldn't remember their names, but they were grouped up and in the middle of general discussion, or "solving the world's problems" as Ben would call it. Off in the back was a small open space with another bunch of ponies, who were in the middle of shooting darts and talking smack. Off in a booth a bit further down was Big Mac and Sugar Belle, who were both enjoying glasses of red wine, smiling, winking at each other, and being all that other sappiness.
Then they noticed Rarity at a small corner table, casually sipping a top-shelf brandy whilst, to nobody's surprise, doodling on a napkin. Ben could relate to this. When inspiration hits, you better grasp it while it's still fresh on the noggin. He couldn't count the number of times that he thought of some kind of artistic flair that would look good on his archtop guitars, only to realize the next day that he never bothered to draft anything up for execution. He'd mentally kick himself for that on a routine basis.
It was then that his train of thought was broken by Starlight. "So, what were you laughing about earlier?" she asked. It took Ben a bit of mental churning to recall what exactly she was talking about.
"Oh, something crossed my mind on the way over here. I was considering the possibility of whether or not your kind ever developed a cure for hangovers. I figured either way you'd rather hold out just for the sake of entertainment or punishment. It seemed like letting an idiot figure out whether or not it's a good idea to spook a horse from behind after being kicked the first time or two. You always get kicked if you do that."
Starlight giggled at this, considering how that might look from the sidelines. She replied, "Hehe, that's not usually the case here, but I can think of at least three ponies that might give a funny demonstration of that lesson." She thought of one recent friend in particular, considering that she built her own home out of a cave of all things.
It was Ben's turn to be curious now. "Three? I can see the two elder Apple siblings doing that, but who else?" He just couldn't imagine Applebloom having that kind of strength in her hind legs at the moment.
Starlight then gave him a smug grin. She said, "Oh, you might now know about this. You remember my friend Maud, right? Well, she actually moved here in the past year. Her home isn't in town. She actually lives outside of town limits in an Everfree cave. She carved out some of the rock walls with her own hind legs."
Ben's jaw had dropped from that last detail. Dear God, what kind of place did my ass land in!? Busting bedrock just with the kick of a leg! Please don't say any more: my mind is already conjuring up what I'd look like if I say the wrong thing to her!
Starlight noticed his subtle internal freakout and began to laugh a bit more. "Bahaha! You should see the look on your face! Haha! Don't think about it too much. It's tough to get her mad enough to do what you're thinking. From what Rarity has told me, Maud prefers psychological warfare." This at least got Ben to relax a bit.
Thankfully, the next moment their food had been brought to them along with their respective drinks. Ben settled for starting both himself and Starlight with a brown wheat beer: a maple-caramel flavor with mildly bitter undertones. There is no way I was going to let her try the really dark Guinness-like ale: that would defeat the purpose of this evening. He took a look at their respective meals as well. I still can't believe my luck that they're not bothered by preparing meals for omnivores. One would think they'd chase you out of town for that. Granted, Twilight had explained in the past that some carnivores would pass through town every so often in the past, and it only got more common as Equestria began hosting foreigners from Griffonstone, Mount Eris, and the Dragonlands. Then there was also the obvious fact that ponies kept dogs and cats as pets, so it took a bit to dawn on him that they at least had some kind of market for meats.
It was then that Ben noticed Twilight slipping in. He could tell she was still trying to be discrete, but figured she was more concerned about Starlight catching her than anyone else.
So from here, Ben and Starlight settled in to eating, drinking, and just making small talk about.
A couple drinks later...….
Starlight was at least smiling gently at this point, as the atmosphere allowed her to loosen up. "You know, I've had common beer like Crystal Mountain Light, but I didn't care for it. Yet here I am, enjoying another without that bitter taste that makes my lips pucker," said Starlight.
Ben then responded, "it all depends on who the brewer is. You have to search around for sweet brown ales like this. The few occasions that I could find a flavor like this, it was usually a 'hole-in-the-wall' microbrewery. Some of the main labels were making them for a premium, but they just didn't have that soft-bodied texture that hit the spot."
Now neither of them were being affected by the spirits yet, so full conscious thought was still active. Starlight then gave him an impish grin. Let's see if I can rile him up a bit. "Sounds like you drank more than you should have just to get to that conclusion. Any good stories?"
Ben gave her the look that a parent would give to a smart-aleck son that just knew how to push their buttons while pointing his finger at her. "Not today missy. The point of this is to make fun life stories for you. For that, we need to keep drinking."
Starlight then asked "What did you have in mind? I'm not just going to simply sit here and just drink because you tell me to. I usually go for a challenge, if I'm being honest."
Ben answered "Let me think." He recalled some of the games that he and his friends would play when they needed to unwind with some booze. There was the classic Beer Pong, but he figured that Berry Punch wouldn't appreciate the bar being rearranged just for the sake of having a table large enough for a decent game. There was also flip cup, but Ben was then reminded that plastics were considered a luxury in this universe. He glanced at the dart board, which was still in use, so that was also out.
Then he remembered one of his favorites: the shotgun game. It was one of those games that could be played practically, and he remembered that the locals did use aluminum on a regular basis, while specifically remembering that cans were preferred over longnecks for their recyclability. There was the added plus that half of his best drinking memories had involved that game. Although, this will be more fun if I get Big Mac involved with the game.
He said "How about a drinking game? There's always good fun in challenging friends with who can hold their liquor, and I have a good one in mind to start us off: the Shotgun game. First I'd like to call someone in to join us. Hey, Macintosh!"
Mac's focus on Sugar Belle had thus been broken. He already knew who was calling. "Yo Ben. How's life treatin' ya?"
Ben cordially replied "Oh, it's been fair, but not important. I need a little help here. Starlight's new to fun drinking, so I need some help with showing her the ropes. Care to join me for two rounds of Shotgun?"
Mac smirked at this. "No Applejack around this weekend to rant about it tomorrow morning, but let me run it by Sugar Belle."
Sugar Belle, however, had decided to sneak up on Mac just to hear the conversation (like all women do, just to be nosy). Once everyone noticed, they noticed her 'understanding' expression that said 'oh well, stallions need to have fun too'. "Oh Mac, you don't have to wait on my hoof every second of the evening. Just do it," she said. "I want to see how well you two can hold your liquor."
With Sugar Belle's approval, the guys went ahead and ordered up a six-pack of light beer to kick off the game. Ben started explaining, "okay Starlight, here's how the game works. Tip the can on its side, and then puncture a hole at the bottom of the can just large enough for chugging. When I say 'go', tip it upright to where you can drink from the makeshift drinking hole, pop the top, and just chug the hole thing without spilling. Next you have to balance the can on your shoulder. One thing to keep in mind: any attempt to maintain balance with additional support of any kind automatically results in losing the round. Whoever can avoid losing balance of their can wins."
Starlight then became determined, "Ha! This sounds like a game that Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie would likely play. I think I can take this first round without a demo. I'm in!" However, for anypony who knew her well enough, she wasn't one to play the rules the first time around.
A minute later, all three had their beers ready to pop and chug. Ben called out: "Alright, three, two, one, CHUG!" Everyone propped their beers up and started. Granted, Starlight could tell that this kind of beer wouldn't be her favorite any time soon, she understood the point of the game well enough to keep chugging. As she was almost done with drinking hers, the boys were already had their empty vessels on their shoulders. She drained the last of the brew and began balancing the can on her back, maintaining the balance with only a small amount of magic in play which to any normal pony wouldn't be visible.
Unfortunately for her, Ben was known by a few besides herself for having a sharp eye, thus he called her out for it after three seconds. "You cheater! I specifically said no magic or anything! Round's over, no points awarded!"
Starlight became a mix of miffed and stymied by this. "How the heck could you tell that!? I was using light telekinesis for that one!" It was Rarity who, seeing the whole thing, responded with "Haha! He may be a ruffian, but if I had any words to describe him, I wouldn't use the term 'blind' anytime soon! He's a hawk."
After a moment, Ben cordially followed "Why thank you, Rarity. I'll keep that in mind next time I need a simple patch job. Now, as for you, missy. Thanks to your little stunt, we'll do this again." Beers were tipped and opened again. "Three, two, one. GO!"
They went again, and they got the same results, which earned Starlight a stinkeye worse than Applejack's. "Okay, wise-ass. You want to play hardball, then I have a new game for you." At this point, Ben had an evil grin that, off in the realm of chaos, had made Discord's spine tingle. Starlight began to tremble under the gaze. Big Mac, however, started to worry. He knew the punishment that Ben was thinking of, and began to worry for Starlight's sobriety the following morning.
Ben then said, "I will teach you my own variation of this game: the Coachgun challenge."
It was about 9 AM before Ben woke up...…...in one of Twilight's guestrooms. Huh? Before another thought could cross his mind, the one thing he knew to expect came around: the hangover. Oh, God. Too much liquor again. Ugh, next time I drink, I need to take it easy. Granted, he knew he wouldn't likely commit to this anytime soon, but he wasn't getting any younger. He was at least thankful that he quit doing the Thirsty Thursday specials for the cheap keg beer. It was fun during trade school, but I'm getting too old for that shit. Thankfully the chill of fall was still in play, with gray overcast clouds being scheduled. Thus the pounding headache was at least duller than usual which made it easier to focus on getting out of bed, after which he noticed that he still had his jeans on. At least I didn't pass out butt naked in the middle of the floor again. Lord I was crazy back in the day, trying to make ol' Bocephus proud. Still, how wild did we get last night? Thus his focus came to finding the closest source of the best discovery since fire and bacon: coffee.
This was when his nose caught the tantalizing aroma of a strong, dark brew coming from what he guessed to be the castle's kitchen. This helped him regain his faculties, thus he opened the door to the hall. As he walked out, he noticed that Starlight had also woke up and trotted out. Ben spoke first. "How you feelin'?" Probably a dumb question to him, but pony physiology might be better suited to handling hangovers than a human.
Starlight, despite the dark lines under her eyes, responded, "like Big Mac just landed on me after attempting a high-dive in the middle of the desert, but I've been worse off." She paused for a moment to take in some air, then followed up. "What about you, though? You look like you just faced the wrath of breaking a Pinkie Promise followed by trying to fight the Dread Maulwurf."
Ben would have joked about calling it a manbearpig had it not been for his own current state. "Meh, I've had worse mornings, but more pressing matters. First we need some coffee and water. After that I'd like to ask Twi' about what happened last night."
Seeing no other option, Starlight just sighed out "yes, coffee would be a good idea, plus I can't remember much after that weird drinking challenge that you seemed so proud of."
Ben nodded, looking a bit guilty. Thus they proceeded to the kitchen.
Upon entering the kitchen, they found Spike working on eggs while Rarity and Twilight were bringing over wheat-based Prench toast and bacon respectively. Ben was grateful to see that they had used pork as well as Bromegrass bacon, but couldn't think much else other than that there were three full, steamy coffee pots set nearby with four large mugs. Both Ben and Starlight went straight for the coffee first, Ben not bothering to add anything. Equestrian domestic coffee tended to be good enough to drink as such anyway to his taste. Starlight, however, had taken a moment to add some minced alfalfa to hers after her first drag.
Ben, being more well-versed in handling hangovers, spoke first again. "Ahh, that hit the spot. Ladies, Spike, thanks for breakfast......and for letting me sleep off last night's side inebriation here, despite whatever had happened. The coffee is amazing as always, I honestly don't know how you equines do it."
Rarity would have commented by reciprocating appreciation for his gift with instruments, but figured it would be more fun to tease him a bit before doing so, thus she simply smiled smugly. Twilight, however, decided to pose the question with an all-knowing smile of her own. "Neither of you remember anything past dinner, do you?"
At this point, both of last night's drunks were drawn away from the plates of food they were close to wolfing down, were both erect in their seats suddenly alert. Ben, in particular, started to exude sweat that wasn't a result of the liquor. Oh, shit, what kind of hell did we get into last night!?
Starlight was more worried because she had never drank to the point of amnesia until now. Add on the fact that Ben is scared stiff, I'm getting nervous.
Twilight and Rarity looked at each other for a brief moment, then bust out laughing in hysterics, barely able to breathe. Rarity then spoke up in between wheezing. "Oh-hohohohohoho! Darlings, you should see the looks on your faces! Haha-ha-hahaha! I'm so sorry, but -haha- that was worth it just for your expressions at the moment! Teeheehee! Relax, you two didn't stir up any serious trouble, but you definitely had fun!"
Starlight just deadpanned at the two wannabe hyenas, making it perfectly clear that she was not the least bit amused by the two newly self-appointed jesters. Ben however, started to laugh lowly at their jibes. "Okay, ladies, so we didn't raise a ruckus last night, but what did happen after the shotguns?"
Rarity spoke up again, still in teasing form. "We never said that you two weren't noisy, darlings! However, you two each left an impression on the town! Teehee!"
Twilight had eased up on her laughing by now and started to speak. "Okay, so here's what happened after you two finished eating...."
The night before, after the shotguns.....
"Okay Starlight, here's how the Coachgun works: you have two tables standing twenty feet away from each other. Each table will have two beers set for each player. Starting at one table, you shotgun two cans of beer at the same time, then walk them to the next table while balancing both cans stacked only on the tips of two fingers: with you being ponies, you guys get to use your snouts. I know what you're thinking! No magical assistance of any kind in this game! When you reach the next table, you repeat the whole process. If any cans hit the floor, that called 'falling off the stagecoach', and you have to start the pace over. If anyone is caught cheating, the perpetrator faces a penalty drink: one shot of Jenny Bean bourbon per offense. Sound fun?"
Next minute, Ben and Starlight were chugging their first set of beers. While Ben was adept with, for lack of a better pun, hanging in the balance, what he noticed during the first pace nearly made him facepalm. Starlight, like most other ponies, had absolutely no problem with balancing the most awkwardly-shaped objects on her snout, even with a nice buzz going on. Thus, he proceeded to 'fall off the stagecoach' four feet into the first leg, for which he mentally berated himself further while proceeding to start over.
However, Ben was quick to make up the loss, refocusing to maintain balance by accelerating while the stack threatened to fall forward. It was his go-to technique for the walking portion when the booze kicked in. When he made it to the other table, luck came to is aide in that Starlight was having a bit of trouble with the drinking part, needing to accommodate the sub-par taste and large intake of beer by keeping to smaller drinking holes. This, however, was only a minor note, since he knew he would need to chug fast if he wanted half a chance of regaining control of the game. Since he was conditioned to the taste of PBR back home, the second stage of chugging was no problem.
Both Starlight and Ben had finished their beers simultaneously, and were proceeding with the final stretch of the game. Starlight, not being familiar with the side effects of a good buzz, was showing small signs of struggle with balancing her cans. Ben had defaulted on his previous technique, but overlooked one key factor: round six of the night is when he's more cocky than a middle-aged man on a full dose of Viagra. This resulted in falling off the stagecoach for the second time of the night. Starlight, however, let her nerves get the best of her about a second later, thus giving her the same result. After this, they were neck-and-neck. However, with Ben being as stubborn as ever, he got cocky at the last second, thus fell behind by needing to balance to the side, thus Starlight took the victory.
Ben came back up with both of the cans he dropped. "Starlight, as much as I hate admitting it, you have bested me at a game of my own creation. As the victor, I have to honor one request at your behest, thus I am your bitch."
At breakfast.
Starlight's eyes shrank to pinpricks. "Oh dear Celestia, I wasn't too cruel, was I?"
Although Ben was sweating bullets again, Rarity and Twilight started laughing again. "Oh heavens no, darling, at least not as far as I could tell," Rarity tittered. "Although, your choice of words couldn't be more appropriate! Oh, what happened next was just plain juicy, for certain!"
Ben was still rigid as a beam, as Rarity's words could have meant anything that he'd rather keep under wraps. Jesus Christ, I know I'm a bit of a silly drunk, but what kind of hell-raising did I get into last night!? Rarity, since this is coming from you, it's just as likely that I took the walk of shame anyway.
Starlight was just as worried, as she had plenty of skeletons in the closet that could make an impromptu one-night stand with an alien look just as tame as anything else. Her only thought was, I've never blacked-out drunk before, so I have no IDEA what these two could mean.
Twilight, however, would admit that the tension was highly palpable, so she spoke up. "May I interject for a second? We wouldn't be telling you this here and now if it wasn't acceptable for foals' ears."
Spike then started chortling. "Hehe- I can vouch for Twilight. I couldn't breathe to save my life after she explained it to me! We needed a sleep spell just to get ourselves to stop laughing! Hehe- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!"
This broke the tension that the two hung over folks were dealing with, but Ben still wasn't fully appeased. He inquired specifically to Rarity, "okay, there wasn't any 'hanky panky', so what did happen, little miss gossip?"
Rarity just made that mischievous smirk again. "Oh-ho-ho darling, trust me, this was one for the ages of Ponyville….."
Back to the night before, after the challenge.....
Starlight had an evil smile so smug, Discord felt his spine tingle at the disturbance in the chaos again. She proceeded with her request. "So, you have to do anything that I ask? Well then, what to do, what to do...…" She contemplated the situation for a minute, but then had an idea for maximum humiliation. "Let's see, your profession revolves around music, right?"
Ben was starting to tremble a bit. He was hoping against hope that she was bluffing and not getting at the fact that he had a second gift that he liked to keep quiet about. Please, not here! My life is fine the way it is!
Starlight then came out with it. "Well then. It would stand to reason that perfect pitch is ingrained in your head. Plus, I haven't heard a good tune in years. So, my request is this..." She then went to his ear and made a deathly-sensual whisper: "I want to hear you. I would like a good serenade, here and now, for everyone in the tavern."
Rarity, whose own hearing was adept to the tone of seduction, almost did a spit-take at what Starlight just requested. Unlike Starlight and the rest of Equestria, she and Twilight knew damn well what Ben was hiding from the universe.
When he first showed up in Equestria, Twilight had taken it upon herself to give him a place to stay until he was able to prove his worth as a luthier, thus making a gainful living. In short, Ben had lost himself in the midst of a shower and was singing just to ease his mind. Coincidentally, it was by luck that Rarity was also in the castle at the time, thus resulting in him being pestered until he played a few tunes from back home that might tickle their fancy. It took all the begging he could muster just to get them to keep quiet about his secret.
However, with what seemed like no way out for Ben, not only was Rarity starry-eyed at the chance to hear him sing again, but Twilight (who had a spell going to hear any talking between the two) was watching the two intently, hoping he would at least quit being such a baby about the whole thing and just go for it.
However, Ben threw them a curveball. "I don't see a jukebox or a karaoke machine nearby, and A capella is weird as a solo act. Thus, I cannot acquiesce your request for a serenade."
Starlight (and Rarity for that matter) were about to tear into him for trying to duck his way out on a technicality. However, Twilight had anticipated this kind of bullshit out of the young curmudgeon. Thus, she intervened for everyone's sake, and gave Ben a stern glare.
"You hold that thought, mister! I'll be right back!" With that, she teleported in a flash of magenta. After about five seconds, she was back with something particularly large in her telekinetic grasp, and shoved it into Ben's hands. He took a look at it, only to realize that it was the one thing that was on him when he got pulled away from Earth: the 1958 Martin D-18 flattop guitar that his grandfather left to him when he was 14, ready to go. "There, now you don't have an excuse to, as you would put it, 'bitch out' of this one! Now get up there or I'm cutting off your hunting permit!"
Ben, drunk or not, knew at this point that both of the magical prodigies had him hung by his nuts. Without his permit, not only would he have to go vegetarian (a bad enough prospect), but he would also lose access to a key natural resource for his business. He needed those cragadile bones!
Rarity looked on at the display in absolute pride, happy that Twilight had finally grown a spine. Oh Twilight! I couldn't have done that any better myself! EEEEEE!!!! At this point the fashionista couldn't care less who was looking at her at the moment. She was so giddy that her large grin almost threatened to split her face in two.
Thus, he gave in to Starlight's request. "Okay Starlight, I'm a man of my word. However, you'll have to tip the janitor double for the mess you'll be making when you melt. So don't say I didn't warn you."
Starlight wasn't impressed by those lines at first as he walked up to the small stage in the back corner opposite of the bar. Twilight then approached her pupil with a knowing smile. "Starlight, I'm quite happy that you came to that conclusion about his career. Believe me, you're in for a real treat."
Starlight, still smirking, cocked her eyebrow at this, but was unsuccessful as the effect of the beer had fortified itself before she made her request. "Aresh you's suuuurreeeee, Twilightsh?"
The alicorn simply smiled, "hey if you don't believe me, Rarity can vouch. Now pay attention: this is going to be amazing!"
Ben had made it to the stage and got everyone's attention. There was a nervous smile on his face. "Uhhh, hi everyone. I'm Ben, some of you may know me from around the market, others might not. I, uh, well, I came down here to have some fun with a friend, but, uh, well...… I-I've been requested tonight to, uh, to grace you guys with, uh, with some music, so...."
Starlight just decided to get on his case for stalling. Oh for the love of Celestia. "Just get on with it!"
Rarity followed up with an excited shriek: "YES, GET ON WITH IT!!!!"
Ben then just bit the bullet and called out, "Okay, how about some music from Earth!" At this, he received some polite hoof-stomps. Thus, he began.
"🎶You know I can be found, sittin' all alone!..." Ponies immediately took to the beat, liking what they were hearing. After a couple of bars, Sugar Belle practically yanked Big Mac out to the dance floor. Davenport, while sour earlier, had started to lighten up a bit and began wiggling in his barstool, and Rarity was starting to blush in the midst of the tune. Ben, however, didn't notice much of this, since he was too busy boogying to the song the whole time, lost to the moment.
"Well don't be cruel.....to a heart that's true!"
At this point, Starlight was at a loss for words. Ben was just too pleasant to ignore even while inebriated: between his buttery-deep voice and the articulation in his hands, she was just perplexed. She then turned to Twilight, who was just smiling from ear to ear. "Well, what did I tell you. He's good."
At this point, Berry Punch had cantered by. "You don't have to tell me that! Most of the house ordered another round for this!" she said gleefully. Anyone who knew anything about running a bar knew that good music usually means more liquor sold, and Berry wasn't going to pass this up. She continued past the two mages and up towards the stage to get his attention. "HEY BEN! Here's another round on the house! Ya got any more tunes!?"
Ben, who was never one to turn down a 'free' drink, felt that he must oblige. "Okay, okay! So here's one to good times and booze!" He switched over to an accompaniment that was a bit more....twangy. "Country music singers, have always been a real close fa-mily…."
About a couple hours later.....
Needless to say, it got pretty wild at the tavern. Ben had played a sampler of everything he could think of between Elvis, Merle Haggard, George Strait, Randy Travis, Waylon Jennings, and any other country legend that he knew from Earth. Berry Punch had to close up early due to the liquor running dry earlier than usual. She usually didn't stockpile liquor until festival season, but half the town showed up during the third song, thus she was drafting beer left and right, resulting in several bar patrons walking home with a strong buzz. Ben and Starlight were no exception to this. Had Twilight and Rarity not been present for the evening, the two drunks would have been lost for the rest of the night trying to find the castle. At some point in his performance, Ben had ripped his plaid shirt off and tossed it into the crowd. Rarity, knowing the sentimental value of the guitar, felt the need to carry it for the time being.
As the trio of ponies and the drunk human approached the castle, Ben had spoken up. "Wooooowsh, talksh about a wild niiiiiiight!" he called out, nearly tripping over his own feet. He turned to Starlight with a lopsided grin. "So, did I complete your challenge, sweeeetheartsh?"
Starlight bowed her head in mild embarrassment, relenting in her decision. "Yesh, Ben. You tugged my heartshtringsh tonight. At least, I would be tempted to spend the night withsh youuuuuuu."
This was his queue to call her out, flailing his arms a bit. "Noooo way, you shtinkin' beaver! I will aaaaalwaysh……….. shleep alooooone! I am kahmpleetely fine withsh myyy life...…….assh it ish! Beshides, what you're shaying right now....that'sh the booze messing with yer hhead!"
Starlight retaliated, "Oh, yeah, well you're jusht a mockingbirdsh, and I'll keep you lockedsh up all for myshelf! Hahahaha!"
After passing through the foyer, the two more sober mares decided to split them up, just in case somepony might try something if their rooms were too close. Rarity went ahead and tucked Starlight in since she had only passed out when they walked through the bedroom door. After leaving the room, Rarity had an impish smirk plastered on her face that just screamed 'mischief'. Oh-ho-ho, that may not last long, you darling Mr. Murdoch. You put on a good show for all to witness, you delightful songbird, you!
Twilight took Ben to one of the guest rooms that had a bathroom nearby just in case things went south in his drunken stupor.
"Good grief Ben. Now do you see why I followed you two in the first place? I figured something might happen, but wasn't really expecting you would be the one to risk summoning Discord." She continued to run him over to the bed and tuck him in.
"Twi, don't yooouuuuu give me aaaaannnyy sheyyyyat over this! You know whysh I didst thish! Thish was kinda" - at this point he passed out, happily snoring his inebriation away for the time being.
The following morning....
Ben had a bemused look on his face. "So, I took a dare, got carried away, and basically was put to bed." He proceeded to finish his plate and continued. "Now, about my guitar...."
Twilight perked up at this. "Oh, I took the liberty of cleaning it for you. It's back in its humidity-controlled case, just like you left it."
He relaxed at that tidbit of information. Then he looked pointedly to Rarity. "You know I hate it when you rile us up like that. It's not that funny. There's plenty of things that I've done that I'm not particularly proud of. You had me worried."
Rarity giggled at this and said, "oh, but the look on your face was worth it! Even a lady needs to make her own entertainment time and again!"
Ben just decided to let it drop, then turned to Starlight. "So, you have the experience of being on a drunken bender. How do you feel now, Glimmer?"
Starlight just smiled at him. "You know what, this headache might be bad, but certainly not stressed out anymore. This was exactly what I needed to cool off." She then proceeded to use a small spell to bring him closer, and just hugged him.
Ben reciprocated with a light pat on her whithers. "Hey, that's what good friends are for. Keep each other from losing their minds, or at least join in doing so. At least we didn't get thrown in jail." He was thus released from the hug, Starlight looked at him with that same grateful smile. He then decided to pose the question. "So, same thing next week?"
Starlight responded, "Maybe. Trixie and Sunburst are supposed to be in town then, maybe I can get them to jump in?"
Ben chuckled. "Hehe, maybe not to the same extreme as last night, but I don't see a problem." At that point, the Ponyville clocktower struck 11. "Oh, man. I'm getting a bit behind on my work orders hanging around here. Stop in over the week and let know if they'll make it. Ciao!" With that, he sprinted out the door.
At this, Twilight decided to speak up. "Uhm, for a guy who likes to stay modest, he didn't seem all that bothered about not having a shirt on."
Spike piped up, "yeah, and Rarity, you would normally offer to make a new one for him. Why stop now?"
Rarity, who had remained quiet after telling the story, now started to chuckle maliciously. "Heeheehee, oh Spike, you weren't there to see the whole thing. You see, when he threw his shirt into the crowd, most of the single mares were fighting to catch it. As luck would have it, the shirt ended up being captured by Rose."
She paused for a minute to get a few more giggles out. "If I had to guess, she'll be more than eager to at least return it to him when he gets home! If I were a gambling mare, I'd wager that she'll be waiting on his doorstep with a dozen roses just for the occasion!"
Starlight, Spike, and Twilight all looked at Rarity for a moment. Then all four of them ended up on the floor dying from laughter.
