Here's To Us
My name is Hardcopy, and I lead a boring life.
Not a bad life. Not an unhappy life. Just fairly boring. Every morning I wake up, eat breakfast, read the newspaper just to make sure nothing is on fire, and then I hail a taxi to get to work. I own a publishing firm. I walk through the office, greet the front desk clerk, Secretariat, with a little small talk, and then I step into my office and I look at the heaps upon heaps of paperwork that have congealed on my desk since last night. It's always shockingly similar to the heaps of work that were on my desk the previous morning, and I keep swearing I kill it by the end of each day, yet somehow it keeps coming back. It would drive me insane, but there are two things that make all of this boredom and nonsense worth it. And trust me, it takes a lot to make the work I do worth doing.
First things first. The money.
Oh, don't look at me like that! I worked hard to get where I am and I don't regret a single thing. I took out a loan to start this publishing company twenty years ago, and I built it into the most popular and successful publishing firm in the city. It takes up the thirty-seventh floor of the Horseshoe building in upper Manehattan, which is its own success story. We publish around fifty best selling authors, and over three hundred others who are equally talented in their own right, if underappreciated. I went from something that they swore to me was an apartment (but I was willing to swear to all of the Alicorns was a shoebox covered in termite infested drywall) to a high rise penthouse with a rooftop pool. Ponies come up to me on the odd occasion to tell me that I am one of the elite. I don't know when that happened, but apparently it did. I am an incredibly rich stallion, and that feels amazing. And considering where I started all those years ago? No guilt at all, trust me. I'm sleeping just fine tonight.
I can have anything I want, whenever I want. Almost. This brings me to the second thing that made my boring life worth living. There's one thing, or more accurately, one pony that's been consistently out of my reach since I decided she was something I wanted in my life.
I call her AK Yearling. More ponies call her Daring Do. She is the single most incredible mare I have ever met in my life. There's nopony else like her, and she is the most talented author I have ever had the pleasure of representing.
Remember the boring life I lead? Yeah, AK's life is the direct opposite of that. Most ponies think that the pulp books she puts out are pure fiction, but I know better. Every single one of them is at least based on actual events. Do you remember that book, I wish I could remember the title, where the bad guy with the stubble held that kindly Manehattan business stallion hostage because Daring Do had hidden some kind of treasure map in his office?
Yeah. AK isn't allowed to hide things in my office anymore. I look before I leave work every night.
But that's the thing; she's worth it. She's worth every single risk I take publishing her adventures and being even a small part of the frankly insane life she leads. She's funny, as in once you really get to know her, she's just one of those ponies who can make an entire room howl with laughter. It really is something amazing to be around. She's also easily one of the smartest mares I know, and one of the few ponies I can consistently learn from. She's taught me so much about history and ancient cultures, either through her books or talking with her face to face. And if we want to get superficial here? When she was younger, she was actually approached by a modeling agency while she was in line at a train station. She is, without a doubt, the single most beautiful mare I have ever seen, made even moreso due to the fact that that is seriously unimportant to her. She is more interested in her research and her adventuring than anything cosmetic.
It took some ugly crook holding a knife to my throat for me to realize this: I was head over heels for her. I think I always have been, and I think that at least some part of me always will be. How could I not be? She is absolutely incredible.
Incredible, beautiful, and not even a little bit interested in me.
Before I continue, let me make a few things clear. I'm not an idiot, nor am I fourteen years old. I'm not the kind of pony who lacks self confidence in such a way that I can't ask. I did ask. I did so at least three times. I was always shot down. Eventually, I had to sit down and look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself that this was never going to happen. She had her own plans for her life, and I was already in my place for her plans. I was her publisher. That was the way it was going to stay, and truth be told, I was incredibly honored to even be that much to her. When she called me a friend for the first time, it hurt. I can't lie, it was painful to hear. I wanted to be more to her than that. But I'm not. I never will be. But being a friend? That's still quite a lot. That's more than I could ever reasonably expect.
I wasn't going to get my Happily Ever After with AK Yearling. But that was fine. I'm sure there are other options, and I'm a grown stallion. I can and should move on with my life.
Convincing my secretary of that, however, is another matter entirely.
You want to talk about amazing mares that I absolutely can't live without? Let's talk about my secretary, Penny Stocks.
I'm fairly certain if I hadn't hired Penny my fifth year of running the business, I would have wound up living in an actual shoebox on the side of Fifth avenue, begging for spare bits. When it comes to organization, I am … in a word, not. I tried to be once but then I discovered me and organization do not get along. As in, I generally declare open war on it. I don't mean to do these things, it's just that every room I walk into is much messier when I walk out of it. Names and dates are impossible to keep in my head, and Celestia help you if you ask me to do any sort of math more complicated than basic multiplication.
That's where Penny came in. She had an amazing memory, and a head for numbers that would rival most advanced magical theorists. It had gotten to the point that in the office, most people asked her the questions that most normal officegoers would have asked me. This wasn't always the case. It used to be that they would ask me for help, and I would refer them to Penny and then they would ask her. I congratulate them for cutting out the middlepony. Left me more time to do what I am good at: looking for and spotting talent. She was a lifesaver.
She was also one of the single most nosy ponies you would ever meet, and Celestia bless her, that could get more than a little irritating.
She means well. She always means well, but she does have a tendency to butt in where she wasn't needed. Nopony can call their affairs their own, because she would want to fix everything. Sometimes she did, and that was appreciated, when it came to me and AK, she was incredibly unwelcome. A few times when she had gotten particularly pesky, when I was having particularly bad days, I had considered firing her. I'd never actually do it, but it was tempting. Every time she brought it up, it reopened old wounds. I didn't want to live through that hurt again, and it was hard not to with Penny around.
That brings me to a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting in my office in the middle of one of my standard boring days looking over a few manuscripts that some newbies had sent in. Some of these kids had some real talent, some of them didn't, others may have had some if they were given more time to cook. It was around that time when Penny walked in with my mail and lunch in hoof.
"Hayburger on a seedless bun, side of Sweet Potato Fries," she said, giving me the items. "Also the mail. Considering the way you work, I'm genuinely curious as to which will give you a heart attack first."
"Thank you," I chuckled, diving into my lunch and shoving six sweet potato fries into my mouth all at the same time. I then started to go through my mail, flipping through each item one by one.
"Okay, that, right there?" Penny said, pointing at me as if I were some kind of horrible roadside accident. "That's terrific. And while you're at it you might want to inject olive oil directly into your arteries, it will save you time."
"Will you get off my back please?" I said, shoving more fries in my mouth as I went through the mail. "I skipped breakfast this morning, so I am going to pig out a little bit. Live with me."
"You need to go on a diet, boss." Penny sighed.
"When they melt me down and turn me into glue," I said, shoving the burger into my mouth.
"You'll live longer," Penny continued.
"No, I will not live longer, it just seems longer," I corrected her as I choked down the huge bite of sandwich. "Seriously, I've looked into diets. Kale. Always with the freaking kale. Kale won't make me live longer. After three weeks of eating kale I would throw myself off the top of my apartment building. The concrete will taste better than the kale."
"There are diet plans in this world that don't involve kale," Penny pointed out.
"I don't believe you," I replied, shoving more fries into my mouth in defiance of the general concept of kale. "Now let me get back to the mail."
Penny tried to peer over my shoulder to look at the mail. "Anything of particular interest?" she said.
"Well, let's see," I said, seeing no harm in letting her know the mail I'd gotten. "Apparently I may already be a winner! In one, two, three, four- FIVE different contests. Put these on the fire with the others, will you Penny?"
"Do these ponies honestly expect us to fall for these scams?" Penny asked, taking the ads from me.
"I think they expect one of the thousands of ponies they send these to to fall for it," I replied, carefully going over the mail. "A few bills, all of which we can pay. Penny, if you could make sure that these get paid by the end of the week."
"Consider it done," she said, taking the bills and looking them over. "I'm sorry, we spent how many bits on lawyers?"
"Yeah, it always catches you off guard doesn't it," I said looking in amusement at the next letter. "Hey! Another death threat! These are always funny."
Penny rolled her eyes. "I really wish you would take those more seriously," she scolded. "One day, one of those is going to be legit. Then what's going to happen to you?"
"If I manage to get myself killed by a pony who can't spell the word 'dagger,' I deserved to get whacked," I smiled. I handed the poorly written note over to Penny. "Take it to the cops, if it makes you feel better. I think we're wasting their time with it, to be real."
Penny took the threat and read it. Obviously taking note of the handwriting and stationary style. Bless her, she really does care.
"And finally," I said, looking at the last letter. "Hey! Look at that! A letter from AK!"
Penny made a noise like she was watching two ponies full on mouth kiss in front of her.
"Drop it," I said dryly, reading the letter quietly. to myself.
"You may have given up, but I haven't yet," she said defiantly. "I honestly think if you kept trying..."
"I would make a complete and utter fool of myself," I said, rereading the letter again, to make sure I read it right. "Why are you so fixated on this?"
"Because you're a lonely, miserable, unhappy stallion," she said, obviously doing everything she could to boost my confidence. "The only thing you seem to do is work. The more you work, the more I work. I figure that if I get you hitched to somepony I can finally take a vacation."
"Always good to see that somepony has my best interests at heart," I said dryly, reading the letter a third time.
It was on the third read that what was on the page finally sank in. I leaned back heavily in my chair and looked up at the ceiling.
It's a really hard thing to realize that one of your long standing dreams about where your life would be in the future was never going to happen. I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with AK ages ago, but reading this really finalized that it simply was impossible. That was going to be hard for me to live with, but I was going to have to learn.
"She'll be coming in to see us," I sighed, giving a sad little smile in the process. "Listen, do me a favor and take the night off, okay? This is going to be hard enough for me as it is."
Penny looked at me. She knew what I looked like when I was miserable, and right now I most certainly was that. "What's wrong?" she asked, looking straight through me.
"Just do me that favor, alright?" I said, putting on a brave front. "I'd like to be alone for this. Have a good time. I'm sure there's more to your life than this."
Penny nodded sadly and walked out the door.
I spent the first two hours after everypony had gone home staring at a bottle of bourbon, knowing full well that I couldn't actually start drinking my miseries away until AK got there.
I usually like being the last one in the office. It makes me feel dedicated. I was the head of the firm. I could easily take off early every day and golf, but no. I stayed and I put in some work every day. Sometimes I didn't have enough to justify staying until midnight, though. Unfortunately, this was one of those nights.
AK said she'd be there at midnight. Right now it was quarter to twelve, and I had spent the last few hours doing a whole bunch of nothing. Just going through some heavy emotions and staring at a bottle of bourbon, wanting so badly to just get drunk.
Speaking of those emotions I went through, I know they're necessary, but they are an absolute drag. Anger at somepony I hadn't even met, and AK for, and I am truly embarrassed to say this is how I thought it at the time, "doing this to me." Then guilt over the anger I was feeling. They weren't doing anything to me. The decision they made had nothing to do with me. What kind of selfish jerk was I to think that I deserved anything from either of them? Then after that, hurt. Just plain, normal, everyday heartbreak. And it was made all the worse by the fact that I was losing something that I should have known was never mine to begin with.
I continued to look at the bottle of bourbon. Hoping in vain that it would give me some sort of relief to the pain I was feeling. I wasn't finding it. Maybe it was at the bottom. It was around the time I had finally decided to work on getting all of that pesky liquor out of the way when I heard the elevator doors open up to the office. Luckily, before I even downed my first glass.
Usually I was overjoyed to see AK. Seeing her was usually the best part of any day when it happened. This time, however was a different story. Knowing what she was going to say, what I was going to ask, and how she was going to respond, I honestly was dreading the talk I would have to have with her.
"Copy!" she called, looking through my office window and waving at me. I stood up a little straighter, put on a smile and waved her in.
She came into my office and I got a good look at her. She had come straight from the airport, getting off the ship with her luggage and making her way right to me. She put her luggage down and looked around. "You look like Tartarus," I joked. I was lying. She looked amazing as usual. A little worn from the trip, but still gorgeous.
"Thanks a lot," she laughed. "And you look like an obsessed workaholic. Where is everypony? Shouldn't they be working with you right now?"
"AK, it's midnight," I pointed out. "If I made them all work this late, I'm fairly certain I'd have a lawsuit in my hooves."
"Well, I know that," she replied. "But I figured if you ever decided to work late without Penny this whole building would be on fire."
"Found a loophole," I said, giving AK a purely platonic hug. "I'm not working, just waiting for you."
AK laughed and hugged me back, then she sat across my desk, and I took a seat as well. "No wonder this building feels like a ghost town," she said, looking around. "Why are you even sticking around this late, Hard Copy? Don't you have something to go home to? A dog? Your pool? A good book? Anything?"
"What I've been looking forward to all day I've got right here," I said, holding up the bottle of bourbon. I reached into my desk drawer and pulled out a second glass. "Speaking of which, we should crack this open. We've got a lot to celebrate."
"Oh, absolutely," AK smiled. I poured the booze into each glass, and both of us took a small sip of the drinks we would be nursing all night.
I looked straight through her and decided to bite the bullet, and ask the question that had been preying on my mind from the moment I had gotten her letter. "So, tell me all about him," I sighed. "I've got to know about the stallion who finally got you to settle down."
"He didn't ask me to settle down," she responded, pointing out something that should have been obvious to me. "I wouldn't have agreed to marry him if he did. No, it's somepony you've met before. It's North."
"Magnetic North?" I asked, connecting the name in my head. "Your Airship Pilot?" I lightened up a little. I had met this guy before, and he was a really decent pony. A little quiet, and he didn't respond with more than a nod a lot of the time, but he was good natured. I remembered liking this guy from the few conversations I had with him. AK had brought him to the office a few times over the past couple of years. It was in thinking about that that I realized something. "Oh, wow, that's been going on for a while hasn't it?"
"About two years," AK confirmed, smiling and nodding. "It started professional, turned into a friendship, and then... I don't know. It just became something more. Next thing I know, we're flying away from a collapsing temple and he decided to get down on one knee. At first, I thought he was hurt, or somepony managed to poison him as we were escaping, but then the earrings came out."
I have another smile. Listening to that progression I realized I had only ever gotten to step two. Celestia knows there was no way I was competing with flying her out of a pyramid while we foil her enemies for the ninetieth time. That was the kind of stallion that was right for her. That simply wasn't me. "I'm happy for the both of you," I said, and I meant it more than I thought I did. "When and where?"
"We don't know yet," she replied with a nervous chuckle. "We were thinking on the deck of the airship... And we're gonna make it fairly soon. Neither of us want to wait."
"I look forward to me vomiting on a rented tux," I said grimly. "You couldn't hold this event on solid ground?"
"Not our style," she laughed as I took another sip of my drink. "Listen, I honestly hate to bring this up... But are you going to be okay? After what you told me a few years ago... I just... I don't want it to feel like I'm flaunting it in front of you."
"What?" I said dismissively. AK was never one to beat around the bush when it came to the things that needed talking about. "Listen, I have never wanted to keep you from being happy. That was always the last thing on my mind. And you should be flaunting this. Not just in front of me, but in front of everypony. Whatever I may have felt about you shouldn't come into it. This is your life. I've got my own life to live."
AK gave me a little smile. "You're a decent guy, you know that Copy?" she said softly.
I shrugged and took another sip of my drink.
"There is one thing about what you just said, though, that I don't believe for even a minute," she said, leaning forward into the desk.
"What's that?" I asked nervously, praying that whatever she thought I was lying about was innocuous.
"Well, forgive me if I'm getting this wrong," she said, in the tone of mock lecturing that I had come to recognize as AK's personal brand of sarcasm. "But you seemed to insinuate just there that you had a life. Trust me, anyone who knows you can tell you that is just straight up not true."
I barked out a surprised laugh. Partially from relief, partially from genuine amusement, partially because we both knew she was right. "Thanks a lot!"
She cupped her hooves around her mouth and began shouting. "It's midnight and you are in this office with nopony else around!" she announced. "I asked you to meet me at your office in the small hours of the morning and I interrupted no plans! For Pete's sake, Copy, it's Friday night! Go out and have a little fun for once in your life."
"The bourbon is fun," I pointed out, holding up the glass. "The bourbon is lots of fun."
"And you drinking it in your office alone on a Friday night is just depressing," AK shot back, not giving an inch.
"You're beginning to sound like Penny," I laughed, taking another small sip. "She's convinced that the only thing I have in my life is work."
"She's not wrong," AK said, shaking her head. I waved a dismissive hoof at her, but she dauntlessly continued to give me grief. "When was the last time you had a vacation? Or even took a day off?"
"You said today was Friday?" I said, doing some counting off in my head. "Lets see... Monday, Tuesday... Seven years."
"Copy, that was when you had your appendix out," AK said, putting a hoof to her forehead. "That doesn't count and you know it."
"See, this is why I haven't really been itching to take more time off," I said, pointing at AK. "The last time I did, somepony cut me open! Now that has to be a bad sign."
"You can laugh it off all you want, but there is a great big world outside of this office," AK stood up and pointed out the window. "And it's full of wonders even I haven't seen yet! And I know it can be scary, but everything worth doing is scary! I swear, Copy, it's not going anywhere. It's waiting for you! All you need to do is go out and find it! And the best part is, with the position you have, you don't have to give up your work, or your company or your friends! You don't have to lose anything to gain the world, and that makes you luckier than most ponies. So don't waste that chance! Don't you dare!"
In the middle of that speech that AK was giving me, I realized something. I wasn't hurting as much anymore. The pain was still there, but I had to really focus on it to notice it. When it gets to that point, if it still hurts you're just torturing yourself for no good reason. One of the things about AK was that she could make you forget about any pain you were having, either physical or emotional. It was the reason.... well, it was one of many reasons why this hurt so much in the first place. To thank her for this, I gave her three words I knew would make her day. "Maybe you're right."
She gave an incredibly satisfied smile, and sat down, confident that she had won the conversation.
We sat in silence for a few moments. I think both of us had a lot to think about. What was running through my head was a slow, wonderful, if slightly melancholy realization. I was, in fact, getting over her. I wasn't completely over her yet. That might not happen for some time yet, but I was going to get there. It was odd. Considering how I felt about her from the beginning, I didn't think it was something that would ever happen, but it would. Knowing that made me feel quite a bit better now.
I put down the glass. I didn't much feel like drinking anymore.
"Well, I better get back to the hotel," AK said, finally breaking the silence. "The one thing North can't handle on his own, weirdly enough, is pampering, so I should get back before he loses it. I'll see you, Copy."
I nodded and gave the most sincerely happy smile I had given all day. "AK!" I called as she was headed out the door. There was one thing I had to make sure of before I could really start moving on. "Do you love him?"
AK looked straight through me, obviously thinking of her fiancee. "Yeah," she said simply. "Yeah, I really do."
"Good," I nodded, giving a little smile. "I trust your judgment. I know you've found the right guy."
AK nodded, and smiled back at me. "Do me a favor," she said. "Get to work on finding the right girl, okay?"
"I will," I said immediately, and the funny thing was I think I actually meant it. "I'll get right on it."
AK smiled, and then left me alone with my thoughts.
I was considering what to do with my life. My year. Heck, a plan for the next few weeks. That's when I heard the elevator door open, and I turned around to see who had arrived. There was Penny Stocks, looking at me as if I had some kind of terminal disease.
"What are you doing here?" I said. "I told you that you could take the night off."
"I left my book behind, and I came back to get it," she said, speaking as if she had just heard somepony had died. "I ran into AK in the lobby. She told me that... Well, she told me."
I pretended not to notice the look on her face, and started getting ready to go home. "I assume you're invited," I said calmly. "If not, you won't be missing out. She's going to get married on the deck of her airship, because she's AK and anything worth doing is worth doing suicidally."
"Boss," she said, obviously having a hard time finding the words. "Boss, I'm so sorry."
"Sorry? About what?" I said, trying to get this concept through her head. "Two ponies who love each other are going to get married. This is a good thing that's happening. Whatever feelings I have about the bride should not, and will not, get in the way of this. Why are you so hung up on all of this anyway?"
"Alright, sue me!" Penny shouted, at this point losing her patience with me. "You're my friend and I want you to be happy!"
"I am happy! Why does nopony believe me when I say that!" I said, getting a little frustrated myself. "You guys say I have nothing in my life but my work, but do you think I'd spend this much time on it if I didn't totally love what I do? And that's the thing Penny, I love my job! I'm damn good at it too. I made a ton of money and I made it honestly! I like my life, Penny!"
Penny looked at me, considering what I had just said.
"And yeah," I admitted. "It would be nice if I could find somepony to share it with. It would have been outstanding if that pony had been AK, but that isn't going to happen. But that's okay. It's really not the end of my world. I can, I will, and I've already started to move on from this. Yeah, it hurts. But heartache isn't a heart attack. And if I dwell on it it's just going to make my good life a bad one. I don't want to do that."
That got Penny to smile.
"And when the time comes, I'll thank her," I said. "Because I know what love really feels like now. When I find it again, and I feel like I will, I'll know what I'm feeling, and jump at the chance. And if by some miracle, I find somepony who feels the same way about me... It's going to be worth all the hurt I'm going through right now."
I took a couple of deep breaths. I didn't realize how much of that I needed to get off my chest.
Penny nodded as if she understood what I was saying, and she put a hoof on my shoulder.
"Let's get you home," she said. "Have you had anything to drink?"
"No," I lied.
"Boss?"
"A little bit," I admitted.
"Come on," she said, holding me by the shoulders. "Let me pile you into a cab."
She never brought up what I once felt for AK after that. The next day, I woke up with a brand new attitude. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. After all that, I felt completely free.