Two teens travel across many fanon worlds to screw around. Oh, and fulfill some prophecy.
After learning the secrets of the Multi-verse and of a ginger's weird heritage, two teens decide to go screw around in multiple universes, starting with the MLP fanon. Oh, and they also have to fulfill some prophecy and blah blah blah, that crap.
This is the first in a series that will go across many fandoms. Everything FiM related will go into here, including crossovers.
If you have any fanfic requests for the friends to travel to, don't hesitate to comment.
Prologue - Ignorance is Bliss, but Knowledge is Power!
Prologue - Ignorance is Bliss, but Knowledge is Power
“It’s… a hole,” my friend said bluntly after a few moments of silence.
“I can see that, Aleister,” I deadpanned. “The question is how did it get there?”
“Uh, someone dug it, duh.”
“Oh, get snarky back, huh? Well that settles it then, your going down first.”
“Nuh uh, I’m not going. You first, it’s dark and you have the flashlight, so you’re our only source of vision.”
“Alright, fine ya Scootaloo.” Then I jumped into the hole.
Let’s pause here for a sec.
I should probably explain what’s happening a little more before I go into too much detail and can‘t stop myself.
Now you might be asking, "Why the hell would this idiot jump into a deep dark hole he found in his backyard?" And the answer is simple.
I lack common sense.
Also, here's how my logic puts it. If something digs a hole the size of a human, and it's dug out well, then that must mean something cool is down the hole.
I should introduce myself and my friend before I go any further.
My name is Jasper, Jasper Landers. I’m a short, slightly chubby Filipino (I’m pretty sure that most of it‘s muscle mass). I’m an intelligent, young 15-year-old, but some say that I have a huge ego. Although, honestly, I have no idea what they’re talking about. I’m just naturally awesome, and they say I’m a narcissist. Pfft, whatever. They’re always full of it. You may know me from just now when I introduced you to who I am.
My friend mentioned above is Aleister Pinkerton. He’s a tall, skinny Ginger. He’s also a quite intelligent 15-year-old, and is (only sometimes) more knowledgeable in certain subjects than I am. He may also go into long lectures, during which, he’ll gain an English accent for some reason. You may recognize him from the same place.
That day was known as the most important day of my life so far. Not particularly the best day but still very important.
It started off normal, friend came over, we hung out, the usual.
Then a freakin’ glowing arrow appeared on the floor in front of us.
It was pointing to the backdoor, and when we moved, it moved with us. So we followed it out to the backyard. Eventually, it led us to the top of the large hill way out back, where a wooden hatch was buried in the grass. We went back to the house, grabbed some supplies, pried the hatch open and here’s where we are now. Well, not me, I’m way ahead of you. I’m just waiting for you to catch up in the story. So, let’s get back to it, shall we?
“WOOOO- oof!” I finally hit the floor after going down a long dirt slide. It was fun, except for the skid marks on my butt. “Hey Aleister! It only sort of hurts, but it’s fun! Come on down!”
“Can you see anything dangerous down there?” He shouted back.
“Hmm…” I looked around to see if there was. Then I turned on the flashlight and tried again.
The entrance room was well carved out. The walls looked really, really smooth. The floor, unlike the entrance slide, was almost completely free of stray pebbles. It was almost like the room was maintained regularly. It was still dark without my flashlight shining, however.
“Nothing pops out to me! It’s safe!”
After a brief “WHEEEE- oof!”, I felt something kick me to the ground. It hurt, it was heavy, and it was red-headed.
“Ah, dammit, Aleister! Get off!”
"Well maybe you should've moved away from the entrance. Where are we?”
“Do you have to keep asking the obvious? Were in a cave.”
“You don't have to be rude. I meant, what is this place for? And how do we leave? Obviously not the way we came.”
“Well, let’s follow the deep, dark tunnel that leads straight down to see if we can find a way out.” I pointed to said tunnel.
He reluctantly agreed, then we started our long, 30-second walk that took us to a large, well-lit chamber. The chamber seemed empty at first glance, with the same maintenance quality as the entrance. It was also a dead end, but then we took a closer look around the room.
I would’ve made some sort of remark, but that was when number one on my list of most painful headaches came to the both of us.
Hanging from the ceiling was the source of light for the chamber, but looking directly at the object could cause you to go blind. The object in question was a massive crystal formation. If you’ve ever seen the movie Chronicle, it’s kinda like that, only smaller, brighter, and upside down. Just looking near it gave me, and I assumed Aleister, a massive migraine.
That’s the moment we learned everything. Well, mostly everything, and only of the important stuff.
A voice started whispering into our minds at a mile a minute. Secrets… guidelines… a history… memories that weren’t ours… some prophecy, and… the presence. The sudden feeling that we were being watched, like some connection to God or something. Every moment I spent near the crystal, the more I learned. It wasn’t like I had a choice though, I couldn’t move due to the paralyzing pain. The crystal forced every piece of secret knowledge that the Multi-verse had straight into our minds.
Heh, what? You just want me to tell you the greatest secrets that the Multi-verse has to offer?
I was actually getting to that before you so rudely interrupted me. Anyway, we learned that before the Multi-verse was created, there were ancient astral beings known as the Gods Above Prime (well, it’s really Gods and Goddesses Above Prime, but I like to shorten things, ya know). Some we know, some we’ve never heard of. These Gods constantly experimented with different sets of physics within their cosmic plane, and one of them had the idea that they would create all of these separate planes of existence with different sets of physical laws to see how non-immortals could adapt to them. So, the Gods assigned themselves several sets of laws and set out to govern their own planes of existence. We know these planes as Universes.
As they started to build their Universes, a common phenomena began to take place. The universes started to ‘give birth’ to other Universes, or Alternates. These Alternates were the product of Choices being made within the original Universes, now dubbed Primes (hence the title Gods Above Prime). These Choices are basically any other option that anything in existence ever had. For example, the many directions that the wind could blow count as Choices of Nature, and even the smallest choices produce Alternates.
In turn, these Alternates began spewing Alternates of their own, and so on and so forth . Unfortunately, the problem with the Alternates forming at such a fast rate meant that the Universes never had time to form their physical laws on their own, which they pick up from the Prime. This left the Alternates unstable and very explosive, so explosive, in fact, that they would destroy any Universe around them and cause a chain reaction and can destroy the Primes if the reaction reaches.
In order to keep these all of these Universes stable while the physical laws, the Gods Above Prime created a species called Dimensional Magi (or DM for short). The DM are able to pause Universes while leaving their development to continue. This allows for the physic sets to form without the Universe exploding and also temporarily halts Choices from being made. However DMs must constantly observe Universes to keep them stable, and since there are infinite Choices, there are near infinite Universes, thus near infinite DMs. DMs have powers that allow them to travel all dimensions (the physics kind, not just the realms) with a special magic that warps Dimensional Energy (DE), an aura signature that the Multi-verse uses to identify where and when you‘re from and where and when you currently are, I‘ll explain more later. However, we currently only know of 5: Length, Height (yes, DMs can fly, sorta), Width, Time, and Reality. There are possibly more, but not even the Multi-verse can figure out all of its own secrets. I’ll go into further depth on a DM’s powers later, but for now I’ll continue with the history lesson.
Anyways, after a while, one DM discovered that if he used his powers right, he could absorb the DE of other DMs, which increased his own abilities. After becoming aware of this, he became corrupt with the ideas of how his powers could be used. Eventually, he plotted to overthrow the Gods Above Prime by stealing DE from DMs and killing them off to allow the Alternates to go unstable and start the chain reaction.
The Gods Above Prime, however, took notice of this and immediately stripped the corrupt DM of his power. Unfortunately, because of his DE hoarding, when he was stripped of the DM power, his body wasn’t used to the DE loss and became a DE vacuum (see: black hole) in order to satisfy itself.
The Gods tried to seal this on their power alone, but found the vacuum to be too strong. So, millions upon millions of DMs stepped up to sacrifice their selves to create the ultimate weapon: The Elements.
These are not the Elements of Harmony, although those 6 are part of The Elements.
The Elements are a 4-part weapon system that consists of various jewelry, armor, and weaponry. Three of these four parts are made of thousands of different components (components which the Elements of Harmony are apart of). After the sealing of the corrupt DM, these components were then scattered across all of the Multi-verse for security.
The fourth part, which is a weapon that takes many forms called the Song of The Elements, was placed in a specific area of every Universe where any version of a certain chosen figure could find it in case the evil DM somehow came back for revenge, I‘ll explain more later.
The Gods Above Prime then decided that DM power was too precious to put in the hands of so many, corruptible beings. So, the Gods chose a select few of the DMs and increased their power to the point where they could keep many Universes stable at once without having to constantly moniter them. This allowed the DMs to live mortal lives and eventually forget about their heritage.
Then, the evil DM came back somehow, and that’s where the prophecy comes in. The voice suddenly spoke much clearer, and it was feminine. And kinda cute.
An ancient corruption, back from its seal.
Four pieces needed to renew the deal.
A weapon wielded by an age old bloodline.
To travel Space, Reality, and Time.
But if this evil is allowed to go free
Death and destruction is all that will be.
So now that you have been given your task
It’s all up to you as one of the last.
The headache had finally subsided, and we we’re trying to digest what the hell the voice just said. I finally spoke up after a long silence.
“Huh?”
Oh Gods- Aleister there is one of the last in the line of DMs that I told you about before! Now he’s the chosen one and has to travel through Time, Space, and Reality to gather some ancient artifacts while armed with this artifact here!
There was a flash of light, and a REALLY fancy looking katana clattered unceremoniously to the ground. The Song of The Elements, in katana form.
Now take that, and the knowledge I gave you and go save the freakin’ Multi-verse.
“Wait, Aleister’s the chosen one? He’s the one who saves the Multi-verse? Not me? Then why the hell is the writer saying differently?!… Wait, what did I say?”
You’re utilizing your new found knowledge. And yes, he’s the chosen one, not you. Your just an extra. Mortals can’t possibly be real heroes.
“Then why the hell is this info crystal located in my buckin’ backyard!?”
A simple mistake. In fact, Aleister was supposed to find this in his backyard years ago. Now Aleister, grab the Song of The Elements and it shall bind to you and take you both outside.
*Sigh* “Alright, go ahead, Al. At least I’ll be along for the ride.”
“Now hold on a sec, Jasper,” Aleister started. “Where does it say that we can’t split the prophecy?”
What do you mean?
“What I mean is that the Song of The Elements binds with the first user it touches, right?”
Well, yes, but-
“Then, who’s to say that Jasper can’t be the Song Bearer?”
B-But… He’s just a mere mortal. He’s unfit!
“I was mortal too before you showed me my heritage, and suddenly that makes me worthy? Who are you to decide that?”
I am the personal messenger of the Gods Above, Below, and Within Prime, more specifically the God of this one!
“So what if you work for the author? That still doesn’t mean you have any authority- Oh God, are we breaking what I think we’re breaking?”
“That’s going to make our lives much more creepy.”
“Whatever. Can you even do anything to stop us? Seeing as you’re a giant glowing crystal?”
Well… I could… blind you?
Aleister pulled out a pair of dark shades. “Try me.”
“Aleister, where did you get those?”
“It's some sort of summoning Hammerspace. Comes with the new powers, I think. Here’s a pair, now go grab that Song.”
Aleister tossed me a pair which I proceeded to put on, then I charged for the gleaming sword beneath the crystal. The crystal yelled for me to stop and got brighter. It didn’t faze me, so I just grabbed the katana. It glowed for a second, then disappeared. I guess it merged with me or something. Then we sorta… faded out of there. It was weird.
The next thing I knew, we we’re standing back at the top of the large hill, just next to the hole.
“You think it’s kinda Mary Sueish that we’re not freaking out about this?” I asked.
“Yeah, but we did just get a whole-lot smarter. I kinda feel like I should’ve known all of this stuff all along,” my red-headed friend replied.
“Yeah… me too. *Claps* So, where do we go first?”
“Well, I have an idea, but we can’t go to any Primes. That means no canon worlds.”
“What was the idea anyway?”
“Where do our favorite technicolored equines live?”
“OH HELL YEAH! But… Hm.”
“Yeah, I know.”
After a few moments of silence, I came up with the best idea I’ve ever had.
*Snap* “I got it! I bucking got it!”
“What, what’s your idea?”
“Easy, we go to fanon Universes!”
“You mean… Alternates?”
“Exactly!”
“That’s… brilliant!”
“I know! Brohoof!”
He returned the gesture, and we left for my house to get my laptop.
I’m gonna start this chapter with some terminology, that way I won’t have to explain it within the story if it comes up.
Fiction - How people in Primes can view other Primes, Alternates, Parallels, and/or Universes that descend from other Primes (you know what? For the sake of terminology, I’m gonna call those Fandoms). If you’ve read it, seen it, heard it, dreamt it, or even merely thought of it, there are probably several to hundreds of versions of it.
Primes - Even though the Multi-verse is infinite, it still had a beginning. The Prime is the very base Universe for a Fandom. Messengers are the only ones that can view other Primes and decide how much information about it is revealed. An Example of Prime would be the Universe we are in. Even if the characters in this story seem like Self-Inserts, they are merely alternate versions of the Author and his friend (although, *slight spoiler* the true Self-Insert will become a major part of the plot later). No one from below the Prime may enter a Prime. If one were to try, the Prime would activate its auto-defense and the traveler would merely be launched into an alternate in which he did enter Canon, A.K.A. a Canon-Clone (see below in Alternates).
Alternates - These Universes are ones that had very subtle changes made through Choices in history (ex: a change in wind direction, an event that never happened in Prime, a single molecule out of place, etc.), thus creating an Alternate Universe. Alternates can vary in difference from the Prime, but must remain very core to the Original’s Laws. An example would be any piece of Fan-Fiction that tries to stick very close to canon, or Canon-Clones. No Fan-Fiction ever written is ever part of the Canon, no matter how close they make it look. It will always be another Universe only similar to Canon.
Parallels - These Universes have very large and easily noticeable changes made in the very core of the Universe. However, the Universe contains some part of its core to keep it related to the Fandom. An example would be something like a R63 universe (*cough* On a Cross and Arrow *cough*).
Gods Within/Below Prime - You already know that the Gods Above Prime have created the Primes and their Physics sets. Gods Within and Below Prime is any author/creator of an Alternate and/or Parallel of our and other Primes (A.K.A. Fan-Fiction and/or realistic fiction). The author of this story is a God Within Prime just by writing it.
Messengers - Messengers are people who can view other Primes and choose to create works about them (A.K.A. completely original work). They choose how much information about the Prime they release to the public. The popularity of an ‘original work’ as well as how much info put out about it are factors in how big its Fandom will be.
Choices - Decisions made within a Universe that separates it from other Universes. The decision can made by anything. Nature, physics, chance, an individual, a group, etc.
The Void - An area located outside of the Multi-verse. This is where DMs keep there central Reality and Time traveling Hubs. These Hubs come with settings and preferences that aid in a DM’s travels. Such settings include, but aren’t limited to: Home Worlds (an anchor world(s) where all Hub settings are nullified and reset to prevent a DM from OPing), Age Reversal (reverses your physical age back to how it was before you left. Must be switched off if no Home World is selected or visited often), Auto Kicks (automatic ejection from a Universe after certain preferences are met. Ex: timed, task to meet, etc.), Time Flow (the amount of time that passes in a Universe in comparison to others and The Void), and others.
Normally, a DM can travel alone and set these settings just by thinking and fading, but with more than one individual traveling or when carrying large cargo, opening a portal into The Void is required.
Alright, now you should understand some things better.
It was the first time either of us walked into The Void.
We had just passed through the portal that Aleister figured out how to open from our forced knowledge. Since I was also forced with the same knowledge that he had, I knew how to open the portal as well. But because I wasn’t of DM descent, it was basically impossible for me.
The Void was really on the outside of the large room we were walking into. The large room was Aleister’s Travel Hub, which is usually only used when bringing large cargo or another individual with him. The room was a giant, transparent orb floating in an empty blackness. Although, if you look just long enough you could see a mass of stars in the very distance. The orb itself looked thoroughly shattered with randomly switching pictures of various scenes within the still connected shards. The cracks and images still managed to stay transparent enough to see the outside, however. The entire orb had an ominous tint of blue to it.
Aleister and I stood on the single, circular floating platform in the center of the orb. Behind us was a strangely advanced looking portal gate, while in front us seemed to be an equally advanced computer system. You’d think that with a room over billions of years old, everything would more… primitive, or at least ancient.
The computer setup had a huge holographic moniter displaying what looked like… a Windows 7 desktop? Odd. Anyway, the operational part of the computer included the standard keyboard, mouse, and a whole bunch of other dials and buttons I somehow know how to work. I’m not explaining them because it was already complicated with the terminology section I put to begin with.
Aleister walked up to the Hub’s Interface (the computer system) and started messing around with it. “Hey, it has an internet connection… with every version of it. Looks like you didn’t need to bring your laptop at all.”
“Whatever, at least I have something to bring to Universes in case I get bored.”
Aleister gave me an exasperated look. “Are you serious? We’re going to be traveling through worlds we’ve only seen on screens or text, and you’re going to bring your laptop in case you get bored?!”
I raised an eyebrow. “I thought you knew me. I’m lazy, and if I don’t feel like adventuring or socializing, I’ll just read or listen to music. Maybe look up some good Universes to go to next… Plus, I’ve always wanted to try my hand at the ‘This is My Boomstick’ Trope.”
Ah, yes. I loved that movie.
It was the voice we heard from the crystal back home. It seemed to come from computer.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, annoyed. “I thought we left you back at the cavern. And why aren’t you a crystal?”
Tch. You thought I was the crystal? Ha, typical mortals and their assumptions. The crystal was only tool meant for storing knowledge. I was simply controlling it from Master Pinkerton’s Hub.
I snorted. “Master Pinkerton?”
Yes, Master Pinkerton! Is there anything wrong with his surname?
“No, it’s just… *snicker* It sounds weird when you say it with ‘Master’ in front of it.”
Aleister let out a sigh. “Jasper?”
I was still snickering. “Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
“Sure thing… Master.” I burst out laughing.
Sir, would you like me to hurt him?
“No, no, that’s not necessary.” He then glanced at me. I was still laughing. “Actually, can you shock him? Non-lethally?”
“HAHAHA, He- He- Master- GAAAAAAAAAH!”
Now that the mortal has shut up, my name is Travel Intelligence Assistant.
“T.I.A., I like it,” Aleister said.
I was still charred and on the ground, but I managed to croak out, “Sounds… Cute…”
She started stammering. Y-Yes, w-well I’m your A.I. assistant when it comes to managing the intelligence here in the Hub. I am also programmed to aid Master- *Snicker* -err, Aleister in any emergencies. I am able to control the Hub’s Interface and bring you back at anytime. I’ve created a mental link which should allow us to have a telepathic link at all times. If you need help, just send me a message.
“Thank you, Tia,” Aleister thanked. “I think we can handle it from here. Jasper, you okay?” He offered a hand.
I took it gratefully. “I’m fine, nothing permanent.” I then cuffed his head. “But don’t order her to do that again!”
He rubbed the back of his head and said, “Then don’t make fun of my name again.”
“Fine… Alice.”
“Tia! Shock Jasmine here again!”
“GAAAAAAAH, YOU BASTARD!”
After a few more insults and shock therapy sessions, we finally got to choosing our destination on the Interface. Of course, we were going to stick with the MLP: FIM Fandom as promised, but we wanted to start out small. So, we wanted to start with a Canon Clone (which I couldn’t believe we hadn’t thought of earlier).
“Alright, is the portal ready?” I asked.
Yes, Mortal. You can obviously tell how it’s ready by the endless darkness shown in the portal.
Ah, she was always so rude back then. And I was so stupid. “So, it’s ready then?”
Why don’t you jump in and find out?
Aleister was putting entering in the last of the settings. “Jasper, no. Tia, stop teasing Jasper’s intelligence.”
“Hey! I’m plenty intelligent.” I huffed and stuck my nose up snootily.
“Sure you are. Anyway, the portal should be open in a few seconds. Are you sure you won’t be lonely without us, Tia?”
Don’t worry, I was programmed not to feel loneliness.
“Oh, that’s right. A.I. I don’t think I’m used to that yet.”
Understandable, now go out and fulfill your mission.
The portal had opened, so I grabbed Aleister excitedly and started dragging him towards the portal. “Yeah, right. Prophecy and stuff. C’mon, Aleister! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go! Bye, Tia!”
“Yeah, seeya!”
Good luck, Sir… And you too somewhat, Mortal.
“Aww, you do care.” And with that we entered the portal.
Twilight’s Library, 10:03 PM - 3rd Person View
Twilight sat at her desk, reading a book from her latest shipment studiously. It seemed like any other night that wasn’t Tuesday. That was weird because it was Tuesday, and everything weird always happens on Tuesday. Like that time when she appeared in front of herself from the future, or that time when Fluttershy decided to become assertive. That was a Tuesday right? She wasn’t even sure if it was true or not because it seemed so far-fetched and had only heard of it from her friends. I mean, the implications of-
Anyway, it was an abnormally normal Tuesday night. Spike was already in bed sleeping soundly, along with the rest of Ponyville at that time. If you were to walk through the streets during that hour, you’d feel entranced by the peacefulness of the nighttime silence. Not to mention Luna’s beautiful sky that she always works hard making to provide every night. In short, it was a peaceful, quiet, normal-
*FWOOOSH- CRASH!*
“AHAHAHOOW! THAT BUCKIN’ HURT!”
And there it was.
Twilight turned around, shocked at both the language and the fact that there was an intruder that teleported into her library. What she saw blew those two out of the water.
Laying on top of her now broken coffee table underneath a blue portal was an almost hairless ape-like creature wearing a semi-formal jacket (is that leather!?), a red t-shirt, and jeans. He, she assumed was a he from his voice, started to get up when another ape-like creature came crashing down on him and the portal vanished.
“MOTHERBUCKER, ALEISTER! DAMMIT, WHY MEHEHEHEEE!”
The second ape-like creature was obviously much taller than the first. It was also almost hairless, but had a red-ish mane instead. This one was wearing an unzipped blue jacket made of some tough looking material. It wore a black t-shirt and jeans as well.
“Sorry, I must’ve made a small miscalculation on where the portal would end up!” He, again judging by voice, got up, stood up straight (…So tall) on it‘s to hind legs, and looked to Twilight. She tensed up immediately.
“Uh, um… *Ahem* Excuse me, Miss, what time is it?”
Time? He wanted to know what time it was? Could they be from the future. She wasn’t unfamiliar with the concept, but these creatures weren’t of any species she’s ever read about. Extra-Equestrials maybe?
“I-It’s August 07, 1003, Sir,” she managed to stutter out.
He blinked, then raised an eyebrow. “No, no, I already knew that. I meant, what is the hour?”
“O-Oh, um…” She glanced out the window towards the moon’s position in the sky. “I-I believe it’s 10:10 PM, S-Sir.”
“Ok, so that’s right. Jasper, you alright?” He stuck his hand out to the shorter creature and pulled him up.
The shorter creature spoke in a marginally less loud volume than before. “I’ve been bruised several times and shocked way more. How do you think I feel?”
“Considering you, very whiny but fine.”
Twilight inserted herself into the conversation. “Excuse me, but what are you two and why are you in my library?” She tried to make herself sound aggravated, but just managed to sound fearful.
The taller creature stepped forward and announced, “My name is Aleister Pinkerton,” he then motioned towards the shorter creature, “and this is my friend, Jasper Landers. We are-”
The shorter creature, Jasper, cut Aleister off. “We are an advanced, evolved species from the future, come back to warn you of a terrible event that will take place in 3 days!”
She knew it! But 3 days?! That would be no where near enough time to prepare! What if it comes earlier than expected? What if they did miscalculate when they would land? What if-
*Snicker*
Both of the creatures looked like they were holding in laughter, which was the actual truth. Twilight didn’t realize that she had said those things out loud and was looking very frazzled. The creatures then burst out laughing and started rolling around on the floor. Twilight started to turn red while her hair began to steam.
Jasper was the first to recover from their laugh attack. “Ha, ha, oh, sorry, Miss, but that was just too funny. Ha ha.”
Aleister was next to catch his voice. “Ohoho, but seriously, we are interdimensional travelers here to fulfill an ancient prophecy by traveling across different realities to recover even more ancient artifacts of great power, then save the Multi-verse.”
“I thought we were just gonna screw around he- OOF!” Aleister had elbowed him in the stomach.
“Hey, we also have a job to do, so let's be responsible about this.”
…
They burst out laughing again. The Multi-verse was doomed.
A/N: Much thanks to Light Mask for being Aleister, a good prereader, and a great friend. I'mma need more prereaders, so if you're interested, PM me. Review please!
The Most Canon Cloning Equestria - Part Two, or The Chapter Where the Author Got Bored and Decided to Move On
The Most Canon Cloning Equestria - Part 2, or The Chapter Where The Author Got Bored and Decided to Move On
AH MAH GAWD, GUYS! TODAY I FOUGHT IN THIS HUGE EPIC BATTLE WITH LAZORS AND MAGICKS AND-
Wait, what?… What do you mean we’re not there yet!?… Well then where are we?… What!? Still!? *Sigh* Whatever, here’s some terminology to keep you guys in the loop.
Canon Bridges - Bridges are how information across Primes travel to Messengers. Messengers access this information through visions and thoughts.
Plotholes - General term that can mean: 1) Exploitable dimensional holes that anything can travel through and end up where they’re conveniently needed. 2) Exploitable holes within the history of the Canon that can be filled by a God-Within, Above, or even Below-Prime in a Canon Clone with whatever they think up. Or 3) A massive paradox within a Universe’s history that can cause it to implode, also resulting in a mass chain-reaction of destruction in the Multi-verse.
“My Little DM, My Little DM
Ah, Ah, Ah, Ahhh
My Little DM
I used to wonder what my purpose would be
My Little DM
Then a crystal put its knowledge in me
Big prophecy- okay, you know what. Stop this now, just stop,” Aleister said.
“What? That was awesome, why’d you stop?” I asked.
“Because of the lyrics! I mean, Then a crystal put its knowledge in me? That sounded a bit gay if you ask me.”
“What? No it didn't! And no one did ask you now, did they?”
“I don’t care, I’m not singing it with those lyrics.”
“Hey! You wanted to do this, so you’re going to do it with the lyrics I came up with on the spot and you are going to like it!”
“Hey, guys?” Twilight tried to get our attention, but to no avail.
“I wanted to sing a song! Not one written by you!” Aleister continued. “Everyone knows yours are always terrible. Besides, singing a parody of the theme is horribly clichéd. I mean, just look at the readers cringing!”
“Guys!” Twilight was still trying to grab our attention.
“Well, I don’t care if it’s cliché, I wanted to do it!” I argued. “I know you’ve always wanted to do it.”
“Sure I have, just not one that sounds GAY!”
"IT DIDN'T SOUND GAY!"
“EXCUSE ME!!!” Twilight shouted while zipping up our mouth’s with magic. “Now that I have your attention, can you two please tell me what you two are and why you’re here?!”
“I thought we already told you,” I said after she un-zipped our mouths to let us explain. “We’re interdimensional travelers here to screw with your Universe and hopefully get one step closer to fulfilling an ancient prophecy.”
Cue long pause.
“Tell me one good reason I shouldn’t report you two to Celestia right now.” Twilight took a defensive stance and her horn started to glow.
I was about to back off when Aleister took the opportunity to mess with her. “I can give you three. One, Spike isn’t here, he’s over at Rarity’s. I know this because the Author told me as a convenient reason to why he didn’t wake up to Jasper’s cursing (although that kind of contradicts a past detail from last chapter). Two, I know that you don’t know any spells that can send any letters to the Princess. Again, I learned this from the Author. And finally, if you did, I would spread some of the material in the box under the two discolored floorboards under your bed all over Ponyville, while the rest of it will go to Celestia. Again, Author.”
Twilight looked horrified. “You wouldn’t!” Then she stuttered and started to shift her eyes and sweat. “Uh, I mean, what box of clop material under my bed?”
Aleister leaned in close and said, “I never said ‘clop.’”
Twilight eeped.
I ruined Aleister’s menacing effect by laughing my ass off again.
I randomly put on an Irish accent “Ha! Alright, Aleister, that’s enough. You’re scaring the poor lass.”
“Aww, and I was just having fun. Fine, we’re not here to screw with the Universe,” that much, “but we are here to fulfill that prophecy thing.”
Twilight was about to answer when something clichéd that would move the plot along happened: Rainbow crashed through the library window.
“At 10 PM?!” Aleister asked to the ceiling, exasperated.
Yes, at 10 PM! Jasper, uh, I mean, I apparently woke half of the town with my screaming from the last chapter.
“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!” I yell.
IT DOES BECAUSE I SAY SO! SO JUST ROLL WITH IT, ME!
*Ahem* Anyway, Aleister, predicting this with his almighty DM powers (because the Author told him), stepped slightly to the left just before the aforementioned pegasus crashed on the floor where Aleister’s former position was and slid into a bookcase. She quickly picked herself up, only to have a few of the books fall down on her, stunning her for an short while. I burst out laughing again. Bursted? Wait, did I switch tense? Ah, screw grammar.
Rainbow stood up, this time successfully, but unsteadily. Wait, that’s a word, right? Whatever.
“Hey, what’re those two tall ponies doing here?” Rainbow asked, dazed.
“HEY! I’m not tall! I just have a racial advantage, and +5 to agility,” I said.
I suddenly have an urge to make a sarcastic comment to my own reference.
Anyway, Rainbow shook out of her confusion and flared her wings in defense. “Get back, Twilight! They could be dangerous!”
“Seriously! Could this world get any more cliché!?” I shouted in frustration.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie appeared and said, “Well, you did choose a Canon Clone, and those are always as cliché as they get.”
Aleister jumped at her sudden appearance and asked, “How did you get in?”
“Plothole!” She replied.
And then the Author got bored and decided to disgust us into leaving the Universe by adding in the most random and cliché thing to happen in the history of Canon Clone fics.
Discord popped in throwing candy and confetti while happy music was playing and announced, “Greetings, everypony! I’ve reformed!”
Aleister quickly opened a portal and pushed me through it saying, “That’s it! We’re leaving and never going back to this type of Universe, EVER!”
Everypony and draconequus was silent for a few moments.
Then the portal opened again and Aleister poked his head in while holding out a box to yell, “Oh, and Twilight? I’M TAKING YOUR PORN!” then left for real.
After a few MORE moments of silence, Pinkie interrupted it with, “Awww, they forgot these,” and held up six necklaces similar to the Elements of Harmony, but with different symbols and colors.
Back in the Batcave- er, I mean, The Void.
Take a chance, let your body get a tolerance
I’m not a chance but a heat wave in your pants-
*Clap, clap, clap* “Brilliant, I didn’t know you could sing.”
I didn’t think Aleister would’ve been able to say that with a straight face. I was barely able to hold in my laughter after all I went through.
“*Snicker* Yeah, *snort* I didn’t think so either *giggle*… PFFT HAHAHA- GAAAAAAAH! GOD DAMMIT, ALEISTER!”
He didn't do anything. And DON’T MENTION THIS TO ANYONE, EVER!
“Ahahahow! I’m sorry! Your voice is *hng* very beautiful!”
DAMN RIGHT, IT IS! Her voice then went softer by an insane margin. Very creepy. So, did you find the first six pieces of The Elements, Sir?
Aleister visibly shuddered. “Ugh, no, and we’re never going back there again. Ever. Within the near eternity of life that we now have.”
Oh… Well that’s fine I guess. No use attempting a task that requires focus when you’re distracted by something discomforting.
“Psh, suck up- GAAAAAAH!”
“Are we going to overuse that gag?” Aleister asked.
I don’t think so, but I’ll have to think up of new ways to do it as to keep the readers entertained.
A/N: ‘Sup, readers. Really thought about this for a bit, and realized it was more boring than I thought to lampshade generic fic clichés. So, I decided to move on to more specialized genres and AUs. If anyone has any ideas at all, comment below and I’ll get working on it right away!!! Like, the very moment I find an idea that I like! GO, GO, GO! Oh, and the song was Fall Out Boy's I Don't Care. Friend suggested it and just gave me the most embarrassing lyrics to ever walk in on someone singing it.
