• Published 9th Aug 2012
  • 1,379 Views, 9 Comments

Adventures in Fanfiction: Equestria - Hot Blooded Hero



Two teens travel across many fanon worlds to screw around. Oh, and fulfill some prophecy.

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The Most Canon Cloning Equestria - Part Two, or The Chapter Where the Author Got Bored and Decided to Move On

The Most Canon Cloning Equestria - Part 2, or The Chapter Where The Author Got Bored and Decided to Move On

AH MAH GAWD, GUYS! TODAY I FOUGHT IN THIS HUGE EPIC BATTLE WITH LAZORS AND MAGICKS AND-

Wait, what?… What do you mean we’re not there yet!?… Well then where are we?… What!? Still!? *Sigh* Whatever, here’s some terminology to keep you guys in the loop.

Canon Bridges - Bridges are how information across Primes travel to Messengers. Messengers access this information through visions and thoughts.

Plotholes - General term that can mean: 1) Exploitable dimensional holes that anything can travel through and end up where they’re conveniently needed. 2) Exploitable holes within the history of the Canon that can be filled by a God-Within, Above, or even Below-Prime in a Canon Clone with whatever they think up. Or 3) A massive paradox within a Universe’s history that can cause it to implode, also resulting in a mass chain-reaction of destruction in the Multi-verse.


“My Little DM, My Little DM

Ah, Ah, Ah, Ahhh

My Little DM

I used to wonder what my purpose would be

My Little DM

Then a crystal put its knowledge in me

Big prophecy- okay, you know what. Stop this now, just stop,” Aleister said.

“What? That was awesome, why’d you stop?” I asked.

“Because of the lyrics! I mean, Then a crystal put its knowledge in me? That sounded a bit gay if you ask me.”

“What? No it didn't! And no one did ask you now, did they?”

“I don’t care, I’m not singing it with those lyrics.”

“Hey! You wanted to do this, so you’re going to do it with the lyrics I came up with on the spot and you are going to like it!”

“Hey, guys?” Twilight tried to get our attention, but to no avail.

“I wanted to sing a song! Not one written by you!” Aleister continued. “Everyone knows yours are always terrible. Besides, singing a parody of the theme is horribly clichéd. I mean, just look at the readers cringing!”

“Guys!” Twilight was still trying to grab our attention.

“Well, I don’t care if it’s cliché, I wanted to do it!” I argued. “I know you’ve always wanted to do it.”

“Sure I have, just not one that sounds GAY!”

"IT DIDN'T SOUND GAY!"

“EXCUSE ME!!!” Twilight shouted while zipping up our mouth’s with magic. “Now that I have your attention, can you two please tell me what you two are and why you’re here?!”

“I thought we already told you,” I said after she un-zipped our mouths to let us explain. “We’re interdimensional travelers here to screw with your Universe and hopefully get one step closer to fulfilling an ancient prophecy.”

Cue long pause.

“Tell me one good reason I shouldn’t report you two to Celestia right now.” Twilight took a defensive stance and her horn started to glow.

I was about to back off when Aleister took the opportunity to mess with her. “I can give you three. One, Spike isn’t here, he’s over at Rarity’s. I know this because the Author told me as a convenient reason to why he didn’t wake up to Jasper’s cursing (although that kind of contradicts a past detail from last chapter). Two, I know that you don’t know any spells that can send any letters to the Princess. Again, I learned this from the Author. And finally, if you did, I would spread some of the material in the box under the two discolored floorboards under your bed all over Ponyville, while the rest of it will go to Celestia. Again, Author.”

Twilight looked horrified. “You wouldn’t!” Then she stuttered and started to shift her eyes and sweat. “Uh, I mean, what box of clop material under my bed?”

Aleister leaned in close and said, “I never said ‘clop.’”

Twilight eeped.

I ruined Aleister’s menacing effect by laughing my ass off again.

I randomly put on an Irish accent “Ha! Alright, Aleister, that’s enough. You’re scaring the poor lass.”

“Aww, and I was just having fun. Fine, we’re not here to screw with the Universe,” that much, “but we are here to fulfill that prophecy thing.”

Twilight was about to answer when something clichéd that would move the plot along happened: Rainbow crashed through the library window.

“At 10 PM?!” Aleister asked to the ceiling, exasperated.

Yes, at 10 PM! Jasper, uh, I mean, I apparently woke half of the town with my screaming from the last chapter.

“THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE!” I yell.

IT DOES BECAUSE I SAY SO! SO JUST ROLL WITH IT, ME!

*Ahem* Anyway, Aleister, predicting this with his almighty DM powers (because the Author told him), stepped slightly to the left just before the aforementioned pegasus crashed on the floor where Aleister’s former position was and slid into a bookcase. She quickly picked herself up, only to have a few of the books fall down on her, stunning her for an short while. I burst out laughing again. Bursted? Wait, did I switch tense? Ah, screw grammar.

Rainbow stood up, this time successfully, but unsteadily. Wait, that’s a word, right? Whatever.

“Hey, what’re those two tall ponies doing here?” Rainbow asked, dazed.

“HEY! I’m not tall! I just have a racial advantage, and +5 to agility,” I said.

I suddenly have an urge to make a sarcastic comment to my own reference.

Anyway, Rainbow shook out of her confusion and flared her wings in defense. “Get back, Twilight! They could be dangerous!”

“Seriously! Could this world get any more cliché!?” I shouted in frustration.

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie appeared and said, “Well, you did choose a Canon Clone, and those are always as cliché as they get.”

Aleister jumped at her sudden appearance and asked, “How did you get in?”

“Plothole!” She replied.

And then the Author got bored and decided to disgust us into leaving the Universe by adding in the most random and cliché thing to happen in the history of Canon Clone fics.

Discord popped in throwing candy and confetti while happy music was playing and announced, “Greetings, everypony! I’ve reformed!”

Aleister quickly opened a portal and pushed me through it saying, “That’s it! We’re leaving and never going back to this type of Universe, EVER!”

Everypony and draconequus was silent for a few moments.

Then the portal opened again and Aleister poked his head in while holding out a box to yell, “Oh, and Twilight? I’M TAKING YOUR PORN!” then left for real.

After a few MORE moments of silence, Pinkie interrupted it with, “Awww, they forgot these,” and held up six necklaces similar to the Elements of Harmony, but with different symbols and colors.


Back in the Batcave- er, I mean, The Void.

Take a chance, let your body get a tolerance

I’m not a chance but a heat wave in your pants-

*Clap, clap, clap* “Brilliant, I didn’t know you could sing.”

I didn’t think Aleister would’ve been able to say that with a straight face. I was barely able to hold in my laughter after all I went through.

“*Snicker* Yeah, *snort* I didn’t think so either *giggle*… PFFT HAHAHA- GAAAAAAAH! GOD DAMMIT, ALEISTER!”

He didn't do anything. And DON’T MENTION THIS TO ANYONE, EVER!

“Ahahahow! I’m sorry! Your voice is *hng* very beautiful!”

DAMN RIGHT, IT IS! Her voice then went softer by an insane margin. Very creepy. So, did you find the first six pieces of The Elements, Sir?

Aleister visibly shuddered. “Ugh, no, and we’re never going back there again. Ever. Within the near eternity of life that we now have.”

Oh… Well that’s fine I guess. No use attempting a task that requires focus when you’re distracted by something discomforting.

“Psh, suck up- GAAAAAAH!”

“Are we going to overuse that gag?” Aleister asked.

I don’t think so, but I’ll have to think up of new ways to do it as to keep the readers entertained.


A/N: ‘Sup, readers. Really thought about this for a bit, and realized it was more boring than I thought to lampshade generic fic clichés. So, I decided to move on to more specialized genres and AUs. If anyone has any ideas at all, comment below and I’ll get working on it right away!!! Like, the very moment I find an idea that I like! GO, GO, GO! Oh, and the song was Fall Out Boy's I Don't Care. Friend suggested it and just gave me the most embarrassing lyrics to ever walk in on someone singing it.

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Comments ( 6 )

Something, something dark side?

lol i want 4th wall breaking powers too :rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::yay:

Comment posted by Perception Filter deleted Feb 23rd, 2013

Okkayyyy, read it. The dialouge is a bit confusing with the "author" talking to the characters, but I think it could be cleared up with some telling on who's talking... Also, two things.

If you still need another proofreader I'll give it a shot.

And if you wouldn't mind to terribly I have a fic-in-progress that I think would make a good chapter or two...

Oh hey, almost forgot, you want a coconut-crackball?

:ajsmug: Ah, now I see why you favorited my story.

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