I hated Derpy Hooves.
Well, I didn’t actually hate her. I just really, really disliked her. Cloud Kicker and I had a good thing going before she showed up and started ruining everything. Now all of a sudden Cloud Kicker was shutting me out, spending time with Derpy instead of me. Telling Derpy things she wouldn’t tell me. Lying to me.
Worst of all, she wasn’t leaving. I didn’t mind when Cloud Kicker had her one-night stands. Well, I didn’t mind it much. Those ponies always left the next day, but I was still there for Cloud Kicker.
Derpy wasn’t leaving though. She’d somehow managed to achieve the impossible and get Cloud Kicker to stick around. Maybe even fall in love with her.
And now she wanted to talk to me. I guess it was inevitable after the way I’d blown up at Cloud Kicker when I got the news. I felt a little bad about that, but I was entirely justified in being angry with her. Cloud Kicker shut me out when I asked what happened with Fluttershy, and then outright lied to me by saying she’d never told anypony about it. Anypony except Derpy. Her new fillyfriend. Who she apparently liked a lot more than me.
Derpy landed on a cloud and waved me over. After a quick check to make sure there was nopony around to overhear our talk, I landed next to her. I don’t know what she wanted to talk to me about, but I was going to take this chance to give the pegasus a piece of my mind. From what I know of her she’s a pretty nice pony most of the time, but she was ruining Cloud Kicker.
I opened my mouth to get started, and Derpy interrupted me by doing the last thing I’d expected. She hugged me. “I’m sorry, Blossomforth.”
“Bwuh?”
Derpy continued on. “If I’d known how you felt about Cloud Kicker I never would’ve–”
“Waitaminute! What? How I feel about Cloud Kicker?” I felt heat building up in my cheeks. “She’s my friend.”
Derpy just looked at me. After a few seconds of that I started feeling warm and guilty for some reason. “It’s okay Blossomforth. You don’t have to hide your feelings from me.”
“Hide what?” What Derpy must have thought was going on suddenly clicked in my head. “Derpy – do you think I have a crush on Cloud Kicker?” I let out a giggle. “That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! Cloud Kicker and I are just friends! There’s no way I could ever possibly have any romantic feelings for her. That’s just silly. You’re silly, Derpy.”
“Actually, that’s not what I was going to say at all,” Derpy answered with a grin. “So tell me more about this crush you have on Cloud Kicker.”
“I don’t have a crush on Cloud Kicker!” I insisted. I was tempted to move to a different cloud, because this one was way too warm. It must have been sitting out in the sun all day.
Derpy gave me a gentle little nudge in the ribs with one of her wings. “Sweetie, I’m not gonna blame you for falling for her. I did too, after all.” Derpy reached around into her saddlebags and pulled out a pair of muffins, then passed one to me. “Here, have a muffin. Trust me, it helps.”
I reluctantly accepted the baked good from the crazy pony who thought I had a crush on Cloud Kicker. “Thanks.”
“Sooo...” Derpy drew the word out and smiled at me. “What made you fall in love with her?”
“I’m not in love with Cloud Kicker.” By now I was starting to sound like a broken record. You’d think Derpy would’ve understood after the third or fourth repetition.
“Was it the wings? Her mane? Her eyes?
“She’s brave.” I don’t know where that came from. “Have you ever wanted to say something, but you were afraid of consequences? Or felt like you had to pretend you were somepony different, just to fit in? That’s what’s always impressed me about Cloud Kicker. She is who she is, and she doesn’t try to hide it or make any apologies for it.”
It was a couple moments before what I’d just said really sank in. “N – not that I have a crush on Cloud Kicker.”
“Of course not,” I had a feeling that there was more than just her bubbly personality behind that giggle.
“Um – if you don’t mind me asking, what about you?”
“What about me?” Derpy asked innocently.
“Why do you like Cloud Kicker?” A second later I realized how that question could be misinterpreted. “Not that I care if you like her or not. I’m fine with it. Totally fine. I’m just curious about it, that’s all. I don’t understand how anypony could be attracted to Cloud Kicker. Because I’m not. At all.”
“I’m glad we cleared that up.” Derpy took a bite out of her muffin. I was just a bit annoyed when she took another bit of the muffin before she finally got around to answering me. “As for why I like her, it’s simple really: she’s a good pony. Better than most ponies think she is. There’s a side to her most ponies don’t ever see beneath the teasing and the running around. I wish she showed it more often.”
Well, I could certainly understand that. Most ponies think Cloud Kicker just wants to run around and mate with anything that moves. The truth is a little more complicated.
I’m not surprised Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash were old fillyhood friends. They have a lot in common: they were both bold, aggressive ponies who knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid to say it. With Rainbow Dash, everypony knew that underneath the ego and brashness there was a good pony and a loyal friend.
Cloud Kicker didn’t show that part of herself the way Rainbow did. I don’t know why, but she kept her good side hidden most of the time. Like this one time when a stallion was bothering me. Cloud Kicker never said anything about it, but a couple days after I mentioned it to her I found out he’d gone to Nurse Redheart for a lightning strike, and after that he never bothered me again. The one time I’d asked her about it she’d just said she didn’t know what I was talking about, but the gleam in her eyes when she said it gave her away.
“Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“I bet you do.” Derpy was smiling just a bit too widely when she said that.
It took me a moment to figure out what she was talking about. there was an odd draft against my side, and when I looked over I saw my wings spread wide. “Eep!” I quickly pulled them back in. “That was – I was just stretching my wings.”
“Of course you were,” Derpy answered with a knowing grin. That grin was really starting to get on my nerves. “Anyway, I think you should tell Cloud Kicker how you feel about her.” A grey hoof rose into the air and cut off my objection. “Yes, yes, you only think of her has a friend. You should tell her anyway. If you don’t, somepony else might realize what a catch she is and swoop in to snatch her up. It might even be me.”
I felt a sudden unexpected surge of anger at that. Not that I cared about who Cloud Kicker mated with, but I definitely didn’t want her mating with Derpy again. “Right. Well, have a good day Derpy.” I deliberately turned my back on her and spread my wings. I was about to take off when I heard something behind me. It was so quiet that I almost didn’t even turn around. Derpy had laid her head on the cloud, forelegs wrapped around her head. I realized that the strange sound was her whimpering. I went back over to her, not quite sure what to do.
“Derpy?” I asked. She whimpered again and held out a hoof. I’d seen Cloud Kicker hungover enough times to recognize it as hoof-language for ‘Quiet, please.’ I just stood there, not sure what to do. She got back to her hooves after a minute, panting slightly.
“I’m okay now.” She grimaced and rubbed her left eye gingerly. “Sorry about that.”
“Derpy, what the hay was that? And don’t say ‘nothing’ – you didn’t look this bad when half the town hall fell on top of you.”
She closed her mouth, probably cutting off a ‘nothing’ as it formed. “It was a flash-migraine,” she conceded. “My family is prone to them, on my dad’s side.”
My respect for her went up a notch. Delivering mail on a day-to-day basis with that kind of condition couldn’t have been easy. “Have they always been that bad?”
“They started about a year ago, but it hasn’t been this bad until just recently. I’m actually going to see Redheart later today for some migraine treatments like what my dad’s on.” She took one last breath to steady herself. “Okay, I’m good to go now. Really,” she added at my less-than-convinced expression.
“Do you want me to come with?” She may be a delusional Cloud-Kicker-stealing pony who was trying to steal Cloud Kicker from me (in a totally platonic way), but that didn’t mean I wanted to risk her dropping out of the sky.
“I’ll be fine,” Derpy answered. I wasn’t quite sure if I believed her or not. Before I could say anything more, she took to the air. I hesitated about whether or not I should follow, and by the time I made up my mind she’d gotten too far ahead for me to catch up.
“I’m dying.”
I sank back onto my haunches, staring at the grey pegasus in blank incomprehension. Sure, when I’d shown up at the hospital and seen the condition Derpy was in I’d already guessed as much – she’d lost way too much weight and her mane had completely fallen out – but to have her just come out and say it like that...
I felt like I should say something – but what can you say to something like that? The way she said it sounded so ... final. Not ‘I’m very sick’ or ‘the doctors aren’t optimistic about my chances,’ or some other flowery way of saying it. Just ‘I’m dying.’ Like she’d already accepted it, and there was nothing anypony could do to change it.
“No. Nonononono. This can’t be right. Rainbow Dash is friends with the Princess, there must be something she can do to–”
“Blossomforth.” Derpy weakly raised a hoof. “Do you think Rainbow Dash hasn’t tried everything she could? When we first got the news she spent an hour yelling at the doctor, and then she flew to Canterlot and demanded the Princess cure me.
“But there was nothing she could do.” Derpy sighed and looked down at her wasted body. “Not even Princess Celestia can stop death.”
“Oh Derpy.” I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. “I’m so sorry. If there’s anything I can do, anything at all...”
“It’s okay Blossomforth.” Derpy let out a rueful little chuckle. “I know you don’t like me very much.”
“That’s not true Derpy...” I didn’t hate her, not really. I think maybe we even could’ve been friends if our lives had worked out differently.
“That’s nice of you to say so,” Derpy answered with a tired smile, “but we both know it’s not true. Don’t worry though, I can’t say I blame you for being upset with me. I did steal Cloud Kicker from you. I suppose it was selfish of me, to fall in love with the pony you cared for. Can you forgive me?”
For a moment I wanted to deny that Cloud Kicker and I were anything more than friends by sheer force of habit, but the words died on my lips. Was it really worth getting into this argument again, especially now? “Of course I forgive you Derpy.” Because there was nothing to forgive.
Derpy gave me a relieved smile. “Thank you, Blossomforth.” She nervously licked her lips. “There is one thing I want to ask you to do for me.”
“Of course, anything.” Regardless of our rocky personal history, I wasn’t going to deny a dying pony her last request.
“It’s Cloud Kicker. I know you and she were really close before, well, me. I want everypony in my life to have somepony with them after... After.”
Luna, it was scary to hear her talking about her death like that. So ... acceptingly. She wasn’t trying to hide from it, or pretend it wasn’t going to happen. She just accepted it and was trying to put everything in order before she passed on.
“Rainbow Dash is Dinky’s godmother, so I know the girls will be okay. Cloud Kicker, though, I...she’s a real sweetheart underneath, Blossomforth. She tries to act strong and independent, like nothing can hurt her. But she’s going to need somepony to be there with her. She needs you Blossomforth, more than she knows. Can you be there for her, no matter what?”
“Of course.” I felt a completely irrational and inappropriate bit of indignation at the request. I appreciated the sentiment Derpy was trying to convey, but at the same time asking me to look out for Cloud Kicker seemed to imply that I wouldn’t do that anyway. “Cloud Kicker is my friend. I would never abandon her.” Even if she abandoned me to spend all her time with other ponies. Grey wall-eyed muffin-loving friend-stealing ponies.
Something of my inner feelings must have slipped into my voice, because Derpy looked rather taken aback. “Of course you wouldn’t. I just needed to ask for my own peace of mind.” Derpy sighed and put her hoof over mine. “Blossomforth, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I just – I just don’t know what went wrong.”
“You come out of nowhere, steal my best friend, and then you say you never meant to hurt me? You want to know what went wrong? You went wrong!” It felt cathartic to finally say all things I’d been thinking ever since she started monopolizing Cloud Kicker’s time. “If you didn’t want to hurt me then you should have left Cloud Kicker alone! Everything was going fine until you showed and ruined everything!”
“What was I supposed to do?” I took a step back in surprise when Derpy snapped right back at me, her golden eyes aflame. “I made Cloud Kicker happy. She made me happy. After everything I’ve been through and what’s going to happen to me now, I think I deserved to have a couple months of happiness with her! Was I supposed to throw that away and break her heart just because one day you might work up the courage to admit to yourself that you’re sweet on her?”
Derpy fell back into her bed, drained by her sudden outburst. “I never wanted to hurt you Blossomforth – but you had plenty of chances to tell Cloud Kicker how you felt.”
I was tempted to throw back some choice words of my own until I got a good look at her. She looked terribly exhausted, as if a few harsh words was enough to leave her completely drained. As I saw her gulping in breaths of air, the guilt hit me like a kick in the gut. Here she was dying in the hospital and I was yelling at her about some petty grudge.
“Derpy, I...”
Derpy brought a hoof up to her mouth and started coughing. Her other hoof pointed to a pitcher of water and a glass sitting next to it. I quickly got a glass of water and she strained forward to get it. I wrapped a foreleg around her to help her sit up, trying not to think about how bony her wings felt against my hoof. A cough sprayed us with water droplets before the rest trickled in to sooth her ravaged throat, and I dabbed at the moisture with a corner of her blanket. It seemed surreal to be playing nursemaid to a pony I’d been screaming at just a few seconds ago.
It took a minute for her to recover, and I felt guilty enough that I couldn’t hold back my apology anymore. “Derpy, I know you and Cloud Kicker were happy together, and I never wanted to take that away from either of you. I just wish...”
“You just wish it could have been you making her happy instead,” Derpy finished for me.
“Yes.” I finally admitted the truth to myself. “As long as it was just random ponies and meaningless one-night stands I could tell myself that I didn’t care, that it didn’t hurt seeing her with other ponies. That I didn’t mind the way she treated the idea of me and her together like one big joke. But once you came into things it got so much harder to keep the facade up.
“I tried to seduce her, you know.” I let out a self-deprecating chuckle as I remembered just how badly that had gone. “The day after you and her hooked up, once it was clear this wasn’t just another one-time thing for her. I was terrified out of my wits of course, and I wound having a couple drinks to try to build up my courage. You can guess how well that ended.”
“I do remember hearing some gossip about you shouting at her to take your virginity.” Derpy offered a weak little smile.
“I bet Cloud Kicker probably told you the whole story, didn’t she? And she was probably laughing her flank off the entire time too. That’s what the idea of mating with me is to her. A joke.” I sighed bitterly. “I’m the one pony in all of Ponyville she won’t even consider mating with and I had to go and fall in love with her.”
“Oh sweetie.” Derpy waved me forward and pulled me into a feeble hug. “She does love you. Maybe not the way you want her to, but it is love. And if you’d just tell her how you felt...”
“I couldn’t do that. Rule Nine, right? She already has somepony, Derpy. She has you.”
Derpy shook her head. “Not anymore.”
Something about the way she said that made a couple things click in my head. There had been something tickling at the back of my mind ever since I found out about Derpy’s condition, and now I could finally put my hoof on what it was.
Cloud Kicker hadn’t told me anything about this. Things might have been thrown off a bit when she and Derpy got together, but I still would have expected her to tell me at some point. If nothing else, you’d think she would want to come to her best friend for comfort. It didn’t make any sense for her to have never brought it up unless... “You haven’t told her, have you? That you’re dying?”
“No,” Derpy confessed. “I suppose it was selfish of me, but ... being with Cloud Kicker made me happy. Can you blame me for wanting to hold onto that happiness for a little bit longer? I didn’t want my last months on Equestria filled with tears. Cloud Kicker would never just accept it. She would be running all over Equestria trying anything she could think of to save my life, and when none of it worked she would blame herself.
“I always meant to tell her eventually, but it was hard. Every time we got together she was always so happy to see me, and I just couldn’t bring myself to take that smile away from her. The longer I went without telling her, the harder it was to bring myself to admit the truth. And now it’s too late. I just wanted her memories of me to be happy, not...” Derpy sighed and waved a hoof across the hospital room. “This.”
“Derpy...I’m so sorry,” I said again. It sounded so inadequate for the situation, but it was the only thing I could think to say.
“So am I, sweetie.”
“No.” The smooth underfur on top of her head tickled against my chin as I pulled her close. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Don’t you dare apologize to me, Derpy. Don’t you dare.”
She murmured something from within my grasp, and I let go. She was grimacing, and she tenderly rubbed a hoof against her forehead. When she finally opened her eyes again, the left one was pointing almost straight up.
“Headache?” I asked. It was a stupid question, I knew damn well it was. She nodded slowly, and I couldn’t help but stare as her eye tried to realign itself.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but...”
“I’ll let you get some sleep.” I helped her settle back into her bed, tucking the blanket around her before I left. I gave her one last gentle hug. “Get well soon, Derpy. Please.”
Derpy Hooves was dead.
She’d been dead for a couple days now, but I think it was only just starting to sink in. She was dead, and she wasn’t coming back.
Maybe I would’ve had an easier time wrapping my head around it all if I hadn’t been so busy. Rainbow Dash and Cloud Kicker were both busy mourning and putting Derpy’s affairs in order and ... well, everything else. With both of them out of the picture, management of the weather team had fallen to me. The crops still needed water, the clouds still needed to be cleaned up once irrigation was finished, and the sky above town needed to remain clear.
I have to admit, I was gaining a new appreciation for just how much work Rainbow Dash had to do. I was also starting to understand that there were some things she didn’t do quite as well as she should have. I’d like to be able to say that it was all just a case of letting a few things slip on account of what happened to Derpy, but in all honesty I doubt she was ever very good at keeping all the weather team’s paperwork properly organized. Straightening all that up took whatever time I didn’t have to spend on keeping the day-to-day weather affairs in order. Still, at least it kept me busy and productive. It kept me from thinking about things I would've preferred not to.
It was getting close to my lunch break when somepony came in. I was getting ready to say something grumpy about how unless it was an emergency it could wait until after I’d put a daisy sandwich in my stomach when I realized just who had come in. Between the dark circles under her eyes and the disarray her feathers were in, Rainbow Dash looked like a mess. Then I saw the she wasn’t alone.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash–and, uh, Sparkler.” Oh Celestia, it was one of Derpy’s daughters. What was I supposed to say to her? “What’s up?” Argh. Stupid me. ‘What’s up?’ That’s what you say to somepony when you randomly run into them on the street or something, not when one of their oldest friends or their mother just died.
Rainbow looked around the room and frowned. “Blossom, what the hay did you do to my office? I had a system going in here.”
Oh thank Celestia. She wanted to talk about work. I could handle talking about work. “I fixed it.”
“Well, I hope you like the changes, ‘cause I may make you stay in here.” Okay, joking around. Not what I’d expected from Rainbow Dash, especially with Sparkler here as well. I could handle that though. I was friends with Cloud Kicker, I knew all about playful banter. Certainly a lot more than I knew about dealing with things like dead parents. You’d think growing up in an orphanage would’ve taught me about that kind of thing, but it hadn’t. I guess not ever knowing who my parents were made it kinda hard for me to relate. The caretakers at the orphanage were great, but they were always very ... professional.
Rainbow’s voice broke me out of that tangential train of thought. “So, um … is that big storm for Sweet Apple Acres still on for Friday?”
Okay. Still talking about work. Good. “Actually, I’ve bumped it up to Thursday. There’s supposed to be a heat wave coming through then, so I figured the extra precipitation would help the trees weather through it.” I gave a nervous little titter when I realized I’d accidentally made a pun. “Why?”
“Since it’s supposed to be a big storm, I was wondering … think you could put the clouds in place a day early?” The boss rubbed a hoof on the back of her head. “I, uh, was kinda hoping for an overcast sky for ... y’know.”
“The funeral.” I filled in. As soon as I said those words Sparkler let out a little whimper and started trembling. Oh Celestia, I’d almost forgotten she was even there. Rainbow Dash glared at me as she pulled Sparkler out of the office.
I groaned at my own stupidity and slammed my face into the desk. Nice going, me, let’s remind Sparkler that her mom’s dead.
After a minute or two Rainbow Dash came back, and I was a little surprised to see that Sparkler was still with her. “Sorry about that, I…” What was I supposed to say? ‘Sorry I reminded you that you’re an orphan–again’ just sounded so inadequate. After a few seconds of awkward silence, I opted to just go back to a safe subject. “So, overcast for tomorrow, then storm as usual sound good?”
Rainbow Dash gave a terse little nod. “You know what to do.”
I nodded right back. “Got it boss.”
With Rainbow’s business done, the two of them wasted no time leaving the horribly insensitive pony who’d reminded them that Derpy was dead. I hoped the two of them would be alright, but I didn’t have a lot of time to worry about either of them. Since I was effectively in charge of the weather, I had to schedule the cloud cover with the weather factory–and with the submitted date only two days off, it would be a priority request. I just hope there were still enough clouds left; apparently Cloudsdale was running low on water, and nopony had gotten around to deciding which city was taking over Tornado Duty next.
Something about that pragmatism stung, but I moved on to the next request at the top of my inbox. At least with these problems, I could actually do something to solve them.
If only dealing with Cloud Kicker were that easy.
After I was done with work for the day, I stopped by Cloud Kicker’s little ground-house. I’d been doing that every day since it happened. I knocked on the door, shuffling my wings in anticipation. To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I just hope she wasn’t trying to hide from the pain by mating with anypony willing.
Cloud Kicker slowly opened the door, and smiled when she saw me. “Hey Blossom! What’s up?” A pony who didn’t know her as well as I did wouldn’t notice the way her smile seemed just a bit too big, or the way it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Derpy had been right about one thing: Cloud Kicker way trying to put up a bold front and act like she wasn’t hurting. It was stupid of her; even a blind pony could see how much pain she was in. But how was I supposed to help her when she wouldn’t even admit that she needed help?
I suppose there was nothing I could do for her except to be there when she needed me. “Hey, mind if I stay for dinner again?”
“Yeah, sure. You can help me cook.” She said it in such an offhoof way that a pony would almost think that everything was normal. Until you started noticing the things that weren’t quite right with all of this. Normally if I’d asked to have dinner with her she’d make some joke about whether I was asking her on a date, and then follow it up with one of her crude offers to mate with me. Offers I’d been somewhat tempted to accept more than once, even though I’m pretty sure she didn’t really mean them.
“Work went well today,” I casually told her in the hopes that a bit of small talk might get her to open up a bit. “Rainbow Dash has us scheduled for cloudy skies for the next couple of days. It’ll take a bit of work to get it set up, but once we’re done that should make things easier for everypony.” Once the skies were properly cloudy, there wasn’t much the weather team really needed to do to keep the clouds in place. I don’t think anypony would mind having a couple days off.
“Oh Celestia dammit.” Cloud Kicker growled as she pulled some vegetables out of her icebox. “I completely forgot about work. Sorry Blossom, I know I’ve kinda been leaving you hanging for the last couple days.”
I hesitantly put a hoof on her shoulder. “It’s fine, Cloud Kicker. Really. Anypony would need some time after what happened to Derpy.”
Cloud Kicker shrugged my hoof off and chopped up the vegetables for our salad with far more force than she really needed. Once the knife was out of her mouth, she finally answered me. “That’s no excuse. I’ve got a duty to the weather team. A pony shouldn’t go ignoring her duties just because Derpy’s ... just because some stuff’s going on.” She gave an angry shake of her head. “I’ve got a job, and I haven’t been doing it.”
Oh Celestia... Cloud Kicker’s a complicated pony. Most of the time she seems like this goofy irresponsible mating-obsessed maniac, but every once in a while I see a glimpse of another side of her. Most of the time she’s a crazy, irresponsible, and somewhat self-centered pony. But then you see this glimpse of her other side, a pony who cares about doing her job properly and the feelings of other ponies. The side of her that made a whole list of rules to ensure that all her seemingly irresponsible behavior wouldn’t hurt anypony else. A pony who wanted to bury all her pain behind words like ‘duty’ and ‘obligation’ instead of going out for some massive orgy like I’d feared she would after Derpy passed away.
I admit that at first I was attracted to her brash boldness. Here was a pony who would openly talk about the things most ponies would only discuss in hushed whispers in the privacy of their own homes. But it was seeing the rest of her that turned it from attraction into something more.
Cloud Kicker wasn’t a perfect pony. In fact, a lot of ponies would say her bad qualities outweigh her good ones. A lot of ponies don’t have a feathering clue what they’re talking about. For all her flaws, she’s a wonderful pony.
My train of thought was suddenly derailed by the sound of a plate shattering against the floor. I turned around to face Cloud Kicker, who was staring down at the plate that must have slipped out of her mouth. For several long seconds she just stared at it, until her face suddenly twisted into a furious snarl. “Stupid. Feathering. Plate!” She punctuated each word by stomping on the broken plate, until she’d practically ground it into dust. Her hoof was looking pretty scratched up too–thank Celestia she hadn’t damaged her frog doing that.
Before I could think of anything more to say, Cloud Kicker turned around and started trotting towards the door. “Cloud Kicker, where are you going?”
“Out.”
I shot a look back at the meal we’d been preparing. “But what about dinner?”
“I’ll find something else,” she answered tersely.
“But–”
Cloud Kicker cut me off before I could get any more out. “I don’t care about rutting dinner, okay? Just give me some space!”
And then Cloud Kicker flew off into the night. I tried to follow her, but she had a head start on me and between the two of us Cloud Kicker’s always been the better flier. It didn’t take her long to leave me behind completely.
I didn’t find Cloud Kicker again until my third sweep of the edge of the Everfree Forest. The first hints of dawn were beginning to appear in the sky by then. I might have been just a little bit worried about her.
“Cloud Kicker!” I dived down to her, and hugged her with a bit more momentum than I’d intended. Not that I cared. “I was so scared! What were you thinking, just flying off like that! If something had...” I trailed off as I felt something warm and sticky against my forelegs. I pulled them back and discovered... “Cloud Kicker! You’re bleeding! Are you okay? No, of course you’re not okay, you’re bleeding!” I quickly looked her over and saw that she’d at least bandaged herself up, but she was still hurt. “We have to get you to the hospital!”
I tried to pull her towards Ponyville Hospital, but she stubbornly refused to follow me. “Sheesh Blossom, it’s just a little blood, no need to get all panicky on me. I’ve had worse papercuts.”
A hooded figure stepped out from the trees. “If this is how your papercuts look, then you must read a very dangerous book." I wasn’t surprised when Zecora took off her hood; the rhyming had kind of given her away.
I turned my attention back to Cloud Kicker and started looking over her injuries, trying to figure out just how badly she was hurt. It would probably help if I actually knew anything about medicine aside from the basics of the basics. For example: blood is supposed to stay inside the body. “What happened?” I demanded.
“Timber Wolves,” Cloud Kicker answered as if I’d asked her about the weather instead of what monster had hurt her. “Found some of them causing trouble for Zecora. Just a small pack, nothing we couldn’t handle.”
“I am most grateful for your assistance.” Zecora gave Cloud Kicker a grateful nod. “I had not expected to encounter such resistance. ‘tis most unusual to see Timber Wolves this time of year, I hope their unusual activity is not cause for fear.”
“Timber Wolves?” I rounded on Cloud Kicker and grabbed her in my hooves. “What were you thinking? Those monsters could’ve killed you!”
“Blossom, watch the war wounds.” Guilt stabbed me in the gut as I saw her wince in pain despite her best efforts to hide it.
“Sorry,” I quickly removed my hooves. “I was just...”
“I know, it’s fine,” Cloud Kicker reassured. “No need to get so worked up though; I wasn’t in any real danger from those puppies.” I was about to give her a piece of my mind when she cut me off with an upraised hoof. “Four years of military school Blossom. I know how to take care of myself in a sticky situation.”
Zecora stepped forward and gave a rather insistent nudge to Cloud Kicker’s uninjured side. “Combat with timber wolves requires careful dealing--and equally, your injuries need proper healing. Your bandages were meant to last only until the worst dangers had passed.”
Cloud Kicker reluctantly nodded. “Yeah, sure. Let’s get back to my place, and you can make with the medicine.”
Between the two of us Zecora and I managed to get Cloud Kicker back to her home. I was halfway tempted to take her to my place instead since it was closer, but a cloud-house would be rather problematic for a zebra. Aside from Life Flight, Ponyville doesn’t have very many pegasi with an inclination to medicine, and I know Cloud Kicker would’ve made a huge fuss if I went to Fluttershy for help.
Once we got back to her home, I settled Cloud Kicker onto her bed and left the room to give Zecora the time and space she needed to do whatever she needed to do to make Cloud Kicker be alright. After five minutes Zecora left Cloud Kicker’s room, and I wasted no time addressing the matter at hoof. “How badly is she hurt?”
“Her injuries are not nearly so bad as you fear,” the zebra reassured me. “But they are also more severe than she wishes them to appear. The worst injuries that she did accrue will pass within a day or two.”
“Good.” I breathed a sigh of relief. “I guess I got a little panicked back there. It’s just, I’ve been worrying about her all night, and then when I finally find her there’s blood and...”
Zecora but a hoof on my shoulder. “Be at ease, my pony. She will recover, you’ll see.”
“But that’s the thing,” I answered with a sad little laugh. “I can’t stop myself from worrying about her.”
Zecora didn’t have any answer for that.
I missed Derpy’s funeral.
I told myself it was because of work, that somepony had to keep the weather running. That was true enough, but I don’t think that was all there was to it though. Derpy’s funeral was a time for all the ponies who had loved her life to honor her memory. I don’t know how I felt about Derpy, but I definitely didn’t belong with a group of ponies that loved her. Even after everything that had happened, there were still times when I resented her for taking Cloud Kicker away from me. There were even times when I hated her for dying, because of how much her death hurt Cloud Kicker and everypony else.
That didn’t seem fair, to hate a pony because her death hurt the ponies that loved her. The fact that my feelings were horribly unfair didn’t change the fact that they existed.
I didn’t see much of Cloud Kicker for the next several days. She’d started coming back to work, but she was just robotically going through the motions. I tried talking to her and stopped by her house to check up on her when I could, but keeping the weather running is a full-time job. Especially since I was still handling almost all of Rainbow Dash’s workload, and most of Cloud Kicker’s as well despite her technically being back on the job. Even with the overcast skies keeping things from being too complicated, there was still more than enough to keep me busy.
On the fifth day after Derpy’s funeral, Cloud Kicker didn’t come back to work. I was immediately worried, but that was the day we were scheduled to break up the cloud cover and bring back sunny skies for a while. Normally I’ve always liked doing that kind of thing, but today I just didn’t feel like it. It was hard to keep my mind on the job when all I really wanted to do was worry about Cloud Kicker.
I tried to slip away to look for her a couple times, but there just wasn’t time. One of the aggravations of working for the weather service is that almost everypony you work with is an above-average flier with sharp eyes. That makes it almost impossible to get away for a few minutes when you need a break. All day I had ponies coming to me to help sort things out or rearrange the work crews and assigns new tasks. At this rate, I was probably going to end up needing an assistant of my own to help me keep up with the workload. I don't know how Rainbow Dash managed to run everything by herself for as long as she did. Oh wait, I did know–I’d seen how sloppy she was with a lot of the paperwork and record-keeping.
So perhaps you can understand why when I’d finally wrapped up my very busy day and thought I was finally free to go look for my missing friend, I got just a bit exasperated when somepony walked into the weather office. I was in the middle putting away the last of the day’s paperwork, so I had no idea who it was. There was only one reason ponies come to the weather office though, to toss more work onto my already overloaded schedule. “Whatever it is, it can wait until tomorrow!” I snapped.
“Okay,” the visitor answered meekly. “Sorry to bother you, I’ll just be going now...” There’s only one pony in all of Ponyville who’s that timid.
“Wait. Sorry I snapped at you, Fluttershy.” I didn’t really know her all that well, but I certainly hadn’t meant to scare her. I’d always wanted to get to know her a bit better, but being best friends with Cloud Kicker kind of complicated that. I still don’t know what happened between the two of them, but the fact that Cloud Kicker and Fluttershy didn’t get along complicated any efforts on my part to get to know Fluttershy better.
Still, I knew Fluttershy well enough by reputation and what I’d heard from Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash–she wouldn’t be here unless it was important. “What I can I do for you, Fluttershy? Rainbow Dash isn't in, if you're looking for her.”
Fluttershy averted her eyes and nervously pawed at the floor. She was looking so flighty it was hard not to start feeling a little nervous myself, and I felt my wings giving a few unconscious little flutters. Finally, she spoke. “Um, I actually came here looking for you. It’s–well, Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash got into a fight earlier today. So I was just thinking that maybe–well maybe you might want to go talk to Cloud Kicker. It was just an idea, but if you don't think that it’s a good idea...”
“No no, that’s ... I should probably do that,” I hastily reassured her. “What did Cloud Kicker and Rainbow Dash get into a fight about anyway?”
Fluttershy flinched down, and for a second I thought she might just make a run for it. Eventually, she answered me. “Well, it was ... um, after Sparkler had to go to the hospital, um ... well–Cloud Kicker was mad at Rainbow because of that. So...”
Wait, Sparkler was in the hospital? I was tempted to interrupt Fluttershy to ask for more details, but interrupting her would probably just intimidate her even more. Plus, that kind of thing is just rude. Regardless of what had happened to Sparkler, I could see how Derpy’s girls being in any kind of danger would set Cloud Kicker off. She hadn’t gotten over losing Derpy yet, and something happening to her girls would only aggravate that. “What happened?”
Fluttershy flinched and let out a startled little whimper. My voice had come a little harsher than I’d intended. “I’m sorry. I don’t know exactly what happened. I just ... I want somepony to be there for Cloud Kicker, and I’m sorry to bother you but I–I...”
Oh Celestia, she was about to start crying. “Hey, it’s okay Fluttershy. I was actually planning to go check up on her after work anyway, so...” I was about to head out the door when my curiosity overcame my better judgement, and I turned back to ask Fluttershy one last question. “Um–why did you come here? I mean, I thought you and Cloud Kicker didn’t really get along, so why are you...”
Fluttershy blinked in surprise, then hastily averted her eyes until she practically hiding behind her mane. Then she very quietly whispered. “It’s–I guess after what happened with Derpy we ... it makes a pony think about things. What happened between us ... it just doesn’t seem as important anymore.”
“Oh.” I guess Derpy would be happy to see Cloud Kicker and Fluttershy finally getting over things. At least the cloud had a little bit of a silver lining to it. “Well, I guess I’ll go talk to Cloud Kicker now,” I finished awkwardly.
“Okay.” Fluttershy nodded.
The two of us just stood there in uncomfortable silence for a bit. I’d already said goodbye ... and yet I wasn’t gone. Should I say goodbye again, or would that just make things awkward? Oh who was I kidding, things were already weird. I finally settle for a final half-wave of a hoof over my shoulder as I walked out the door and headed for Cloud Kicker’s place.
I wasn’t quite sure what to expect when I got to Cloud Kicker’s place. Probably she would be angry and a bit ranty, just waiting for somepony who was willing to listen to her vent for a bit. Or maybe all the grief finally would’ve hit her, and she’d be curled up in bed crying. Either way, she needed me.
What I didn’t expect was for her to greet me at the door with a smile. “Hey Blossom, good to see you. You’re just in time; I was making hay fries and sandwiches, so I can just toss together some extra for you.”
Oh Celestia, what the hay is going on here? I’m no expert on how the equine mind works, but I could tell that the way she was acting was just ... not right. Her fake, forced smile that lacked any kind of genuine warmth and looked so brittle that a single word would break it. It wasn’t the Cloud Kicker I knew and loved. “I never thought I would say something like this, but could you please start hitting on me? It would be so reassuring right now.”
Cloud Kicker’s brow furrowed and her wings ruffled, but before she could say anything another voice piped up from inside her living room. “Why would you want somepony to hit you?”
I looked over Cloud Kicker’s shoulder and spotted Dinky sitting on her couch. The filly gave me a cheerful little wave, while I did my best to avoid dying of shock. Next thing I knew, the world was spinning around me.
Dinky started giggling, and Cloud Kicker’s smile was a touch more genuine. Or at least, that’s what it looked like from my position flat on my back on the ground. Between my position and the way my feet were pointing straight up, I probably did look a little ridiculous. Why do pegasi have to have such an embarrassing and silly fear/surprise reaction? As if wingboners weren't enough. Sometimes I wonder if Discord messed around with pegasi instincts before Princess Celestia and Princess Luna defeated him.
After a few seconds my legs unlocked, and I got back to my hooves and made an effort to salvage whatever shred of dignity I could. “So, hello Dinky. Nice to see you. Um–what are you doing here anyway?”
“Miss Rainbow dropped me off for a sleepover,” Dinky answered. “Miss Cloud Kicker brought me over here to pick up some things and have a little snack, and then we’re gonna go back home. Are you here for the sleepover too?”
“Huh?” My brain needed a bit to deal with all the weird hitting it. Cloud Kicker bought me a few seconds to think by inviting me in. “Um, sure Dinky, I’ll stay over.” With the filly placated for the moment, I dropped my voice to a whisper. “What is going on here, Cloud Kicker? Why did Rainbow Dash leave Dinky here? Is she busy with whatever put Sparkler in the hospital?”
Cloud Kicker’s ears drooped, and she couldn’t bring herself to meet my eyes. “Yeah, with what's happening with Sparkler and everything ... well, Dinky's staying here for a couple days. Until Rainbow sorts stuff out.”
Rainbow Dash left Dinky with Cloud Kicker right after she got into a fight with her? A fight that was bad enough to make Fluttershy come talk to a pony she barely even knew? Something definitely wasn’t right here. I needed to have an honest talk with Cloud Kicker, but I couldn’t really do that while Dinky was in the room. “About that ... um, hey, Dinky? I'm kind of thirsty, would you get me a glass of water?”
Dinky gave me a cheeky little grin. “What's the magic word?”
I humored her. “Please?”
“Okay!” Dinky hopped up and trotted off to Cloud Kicker’s kitchen.
As soon as she was safely out of earshot, the two of us moved over to one of Cloud Kicker’s other couches and I started grilling my friend. “Okay, what the hay is going on with Sparkler? Fluttershy said she was in the hospital.”
Cloud Kicker’s ears went flat on her head. “Yeah. She got depressed and stopped eating.” Cloud Kicker’s lips curled and barely repressed fury leaked into her voice as she added. “It took Rainbow four feathering days to notice.”
Whoa. “Sparkler tried to kill herself?” When I’d seen Sparkler and Rainbow a couple days ago, things hadn’t seemed that bad. Rainbow seemed like she was trying to do a good job taking care of the poor girl. It wasn’t fair for Cloud Kicker to put all the blame on Rainbow Dash, but at the same time I suppose it was an understandable reaction.
“The hospital has her on suicide watch, but it wasn’t a suicide attempt. Not really. She was just so depressed that she didn't bother eating.” Cloud Kicker gave a little shake of her head. “Nah, if she was really trying to hurt herself, I think she would have tried something a little more efficient than starvation.” I was shocked that Cloud Kicker could sound so casual about it. Discussing whether Sparkler had tried to kill herself as if it was–well, something less horrifying than Sparkler trying kill herself.
Still, at least it hadn’t actually been a full-blown suicide attempt. “That's ... good, I guess.” To be honest, I’d feel a lot more reassured if Cloud Kicker wasn’t acting so off. Not to mention there were still plenty of unanswered questions. “That still doesn't explain why Dinky's here.”
Cloud Kicker didn’t quite meet my eyes when she answered. “Rainbow didn't exactly explain anything herself. She just dumped Dinky with me, said something about how I'd do a better job than she would, and flew off.”
That definitely didn’t sound right. Derpy’s girls were Rainbow’s responsibility, and I couldn’t see the bearer of the Element of Loyalty just abandoning such an important obligation. “That's it? She just left Dinky here without any explanation? That doesn't sound like Rainbow Dash at all.” That’s when I remembered exactly why Fluttershy had come to me in the first place. “Wait, you two got into it. What did you say to her?”
Cloud Kicker’s eyes narrowed and her wings probably would have flared out if we weren’t sitting on the couch. “She nearly got one of Derpy's girls killed,” Cloud Kicker answered hotly. “What do you think I said to her?”
Yeah, it was just as bad as I was afraid it was going to be. Cloud Kicker must have read Rainbow the riot act, and if she’d done that right after Sparkler went to the hospital... No wonder Rainbow had said Cloud Kicker could do a better job with the girls. “Please tell me you did not accuse her of just giving up. From what you've told me, I don't think she would've had any way to know.”
Cloud Kicker glared at her coffee table as if it had done her some grave personal offense. “She should've known. The girls were her responsibility. Derpy picked her out of all the ponies she knew to take care of them, and Rainbow dropped the ball.”
“I … really don't know what to say.” On the one hoof, Cloud Kicker wasn’t being very fair to Rainbow Dash. Expecting her to be a perfect guardian right away when she and the girls hadn’t even begun to recover from Derpy’s death wasn’t realistic. However, Cloud Kicker did have a fair point: those girls were Rainbow’s responsibility now. “I don't think the boss would have been careless like that. I mean, Derpy was her friend too, she's gotta be hurting. It was probably just a case of–”
I jumped in surprise when Cloud Kicker slammed a hoof down on the coffee table. “Oh, so she can just ignore her responsibilities because she’s in pain? Those girls need somepony to take care of them! If Rainbow can't cut it, then somepony else needs to take over!”
I tentatively placed a hoof on my friend’s shoulder. “Cloud Kicker, listen to yourself,” I began, trying to make my voice as gentle and soothing as I could. Her temper was very obviously frayed, and I didn’t want her blowing up while Dinky was in the house. “You're hurting even worse than she is. You and Derpy were–hay, as much as I didn't like it, the two of you had something going.”
Cloud Kicker shrugged my hoof away, but it did seem like she’d calmed down a bit. “Yeah, but I'm still going to work every day instead of just counting on you to cover my flank.” She growled bitterly. “I only missed today because I’m busy cleaning up the mess Rainbow made of taking care of the girls. Just because she’s hurting doesn’t mean she can ignore her duties. You have to put that kind of thing aside and get the job done.”
I was a bit tempted to point out that while she was coming in to work she wasn’t really getting much done, but that wouldn’t have helped things. Besides, Rainbow had been busy putting Derpy’s affairs in order and handling all the details of taking custody of her girls. Not to mention she was pretty new to the whole filly-rearing thing. Mistakes were inevitable.
I doubt Cloud Kicker was in the mood to hear that, though. It’s pretty hard just say ‘mistakes happen’ and forgive everything when those mistakes nearly get a filly killed. I sighed, and let the matter drop. Cloud Kicker wasn’t going to listen to reason until she had a bit more time to calm down.
I was saved from needing to find some way to resume our conversation while shifting to a slightly less volatile topic by Dinky trotting back in from the kitchen. “Here's your water, Miss Blossomforth!”
I thanked Dinky and took a sip of my water, while Cloud Kicker forced a smile onto her face. “Hey Dinky. Wanna play some Battle Clouds?” I wondered if Dinky could hear the false cheer in her voice. Maybe she could, and she was pretending just like Cloud Kicker was. It seemed wrong, that a filly as young as Dinky would need to learn to how to pretend that everything was okay, even when it so obviously wasn’t.
In any case, Dinky accepted the proposition at face value. “Okay!”
I wasn’t about to let Cloud Kicker get out of our discussion that easily. There was still a lot we needed to talk about. “Tell you what, could you get the board set up? We'll be right in.”
Dinky nodded and trotted off into the other room. Now that I was paying attention, it seemed like her usual youthful energy wasn’t there. Like Cloud Kicker, she was just going through the motions of normalcy.
Cloud Kicker started getting up, mumbling some excuse about showing Dinky where her Battle Clouds set was, but I put a hoof on her shoulder and gently held her in place. Once Dinky was out of the room, I told her. “Cloud Kicker ... when Fluttershy asks me to come and talk to you, I know things have gone to Tartarus in a saddlebag. I don't know what you said to the boss, but I hope you won't regret saying it.”
Cloud Kicker gave a single angry shake of her head. “It needed saying.” For all the anger in her voice, I was pretty sure I could hear some guilt in there too as she added. “You still wanna ride my flank about it, you can do it once Dinky's asleep.”
Dinky called out to us from the bedroom. “Okay, I got it ready!”
“Cloud Kicker, I’m not trying to get on your case.” I moved my hoof around her shoulders and pulled her into a one-legged hug. “I’m trying to help, okay? We can talk about this later, but you need to talk to somepony.”
Cloud Kicker gave a noncommittal grunt, shrugged out of my hug, and trotted off to the bedroom to go play Battle Clouds with Dinky. I watched her go, and realized that Derpy had been right; Cloud Kicker really was hurting. She hadn't even tried to make the whole bit about me riding her flank into an innuendo. It seems like a silly thing to worry about, but the lack of random flirting really drove home that Cloud Kicker wasn’t acting like Cloud Kicker. If she started some of her ridiculous efforts to seduce me, I’d gladly go along with them just to get things back to normal.
After a couple tense hours of constantly wondering whether Cloud Kicker or Dinky’s facades of normalcy would crack and leave me picking up the pieces, we finally put Dinky to bed. It was still fairly early for a filly her age to go to sleep, but she went to bed without even the sort of token protest you’d normally expect from any child.
I thought about trying to talk to Cloud Kicker after Dinky was asleep, but one look at all the tension in her stance told me that wouldn’t accomplish anything. I would just hear more of her anger at Rainbow Dash about what happened to Sparkler. She needed a few days to calm down and regain a little bit of objectivity before I could expect to have a reasonable conversation with her about the matter.
Whenever I visited Cloud Kicker’s house over the next few days, it felt like I was walking on eggshells. Cloud Kicker and Dinky both managed to maintain some semblance of normalcy, but I could never shake the feeling that a single wrong word from me would break one or both of them.
Despite that feeling, I wound up spending almost all of my free time with the two of them. Rainbow Dash came back to the weather team the next day and started working so much overtime that she ended up giving me the rest of the week off. I thought about trying to talk to her and make an effort to settle things between her and Cloud Kicker. However, the one time I so much as mentioned Cloud Kicker’s name, Rainbow mumbled something about having work she needed to get done and flew off.
After a couple days, Cloud Kicker moved into Derpy’s old home. I guess it made sense; her little three room bachelorette pad of a ground-house wasn’t really big enough to accommodate her and a filly. I spent so much time at that house that I eventually just started sleeping on the couch. There was no point in flying back to my cloud-house late at night, only to fly back again in the morning. I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them broke, and I knew they would need somepony else to be there when they did.
Things finally came to a head one night as we were putting Dinky to bed. Cloud Kicker tucked the filly in, turned out the lights, and was about to leave the room when Dinky reached out and clutched her hoof. Suddenly that thin mask of normalcy was gone, and all that was left in Dinky’s voice was pain and fear. “Miss Cloud Kicker?”
Cloud Kicker turned around and slowly walked back to Dinky’s bedside. With the lights out I couldn’t see her face, but Cloud Kicker’s voice showed that same vulnerability. “Yeah? What is it Dinky?”
The filly slowly wrapped her legs around Cloud Kicker’s hoof. “Can I sleep with you tonight? Please?”
“Wha?” I could only imagine the gobsmacked expression on Cloud Kicker’s face. “Why would you want to sleep with me?”
Dinky curled up tighter around Cloud Kicker’s hoof and hesitantly answered. “Well … I was feelin’ kinda sad, so I went to Sparkler’s room, but she’s not here. Then I wanted to give her Favorite next time we went to see her, ‘cause that always made me feel better when I was sad, but I couldn’t cause I gave it to Mommy so she’d feel better.”
Cloud Kicker slowly settled down on the bed next to Dinky. “I remember. You gave your mom your favorite blanket, and that was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard of.” Dinky had given Derpy her safety blanket? That would be adorable if it wasn’t so heartbreakingly sad.
Dinky released her hold on Cloud Kicker’s hoof and wrapped her forelegs around Cloud Kicker’s chest instead, though they didn’t come close to reaching all the way around. “I know, but I kinda want it back ‘cause Sparkler needs to get better now.
Cloud Kicker hesitantly wrapped one of her legs around Dinky. “Would a get-better hug help?”
That’s when the dam finally burst. “They don’t work!” Dinky shrieked. “I gave one to Mommy every day, but she still wouldn’t wake up, and I gave one to Sparkler but I dunno that that’s going to work. I want Favorite back, and I want Sparkler back and I wa–I wu–I–” Dinky collapsed against Cloud Kicker, blubbering into her fur. “I want Mommy baaack!”
Cloud Kicker froze. At the moment when Dinky needed her more than ever, she hesitated.
I rushed in and took the filly into my hooves, holding her and whispering gentle assurances that everything was going to be okay. It’s a good thing she was still too young to ask any hard questions about how things would ever be okay, because I had no idea. All I could do was tell her that somehow everything would be alright.
There was no reason to believe she wouldn’t be okay. Dinky had good ponies who cared about her and wanted to help her. Cloud Kicker might not be anypony’s idea of a perfect mother, but she would do her damndest to take care of Dinky. Whenever she stumbled, I’d be there to help her.
Eventually Dinky cried herself to sleep. Cloud Kicker was staring at the filly, and once more I wished there was enough light in the bedroom for me to be able to make out her facial expression. I had no idea what was going through that pony’s head, but if I was ever going to help her I needed to figure that out.
Cloud Kicker leaned down and gave Dinky a hesitant little nuzzle. The sleeping filly rolled towards her and mumbled a single word. “Mommy.”
Cloud Kicker’s head pulled away in what I could only imagine was surprise, but a second later she leaned down and gave Dinky a gentle and, dare I say, motherly kiss on the forehead. “Don’t worry, you won’t be alone. I’ll be back in a bit, Dinky.”
I was a bit worried she would want to stay, but I didn’t have any trouble getting Cloud Kicker to follow out of Dinky’s room. The two of us settled down on the edge of Derpy’s bed, and I tried to figure out what I could possibly say about what had just happened.
Cloud Kicker beat me to it. “Hey Blossom,” she asked me with forced casualness. “You’ve heard the rumors about me and Dinky, right?”
“You mean the one about how she’s your love child with Derpy?” I’d always thought that particular rumor was just ridiculous. I mean, I could understand how it got started: Cloud Kicker was–well, she was a good friend of Derpy’s and rather notoriously promiscuous. On top of that, Dinky’s coloring was kind of close to hers. I’d wondered about it myself, until I got to know Cloud Kicker better. For all her many flaws, I couldn’t see Cloud Kicker refusing to acknowledge a foal of hers.
“Yeah, that one.” Cloud Kicker sighed and fidgeted on the bed. “I used to think it was just a bunch of silly gossip. But lately ... I kinda wish it was true. Y’know so Dinky would still have a mom and stuff.”
Okay. Wow. That was ... wow. “You–you wish you were Dinky’s mother?”
“Yes. No. I don’t–” Cloud Kicker leaned back and buried her face in her hooves while she let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t know! It’s just–I just kinda think it would be nice, ya know?” Cloud Kicker uncertainly traced a hoof over the bedsheets. “It’s like–I think it’d be kinda cool, if I was her mom.”
Oh Celestia, what was I supposed to say to that? To be honest, Cloud Kicker was one of the last ponies I’d ever thought of as a future family mare. I’d always expected her to still be running around wild and unattached when she turned into an old grey mare. Trying to imagine her raising a filly ... it just didn’t fit the pony I knew.
“I could’ve been her mom, you know?” Cloud Kicker gave a few agitated flaps of her wings. “Me and Derpy ... we had something going on. If I’d taken it a little more seriously, maybe things would’ve worked out differently. But instead, I couldn’t go five minutes around Derpy without getting her into bed. I could’ve...” Cloud Kicker sighed and rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. “I remember there was this one time, a couple weeks before it all went bad. We had a nice dinner at my place, and she said there was something she wanted to talk to me about. I said it could wait, and then–well, we banged. I bet the whole cancer thing was what she wanted to talk to me about, but instead of stopping to listen I let my nethers do my thinking for me. That’s all I ever did with her, even when I went to see her in the hospital right before the end. I never cared about anything with her except the banging."
“That’s not true!” I was a little surprised that I was jumping to the defense of her relationship with Derpy. I mean, I’d more-or-less hated the fact that the two of them were together, back when Derpy was still alive. This wasn’t about what I wanted though; it was about what Cloud Kicker needed. “Derpy was one of your oldest friends. She meant so much more to you than one of your random little flings.”
“Why, because I went back to bang her more than once?” Cloud Kicker let out a bitter little snort. “Yeah, she was a good bang. I’ve gone back for a second round with ponies before. Doesn’t mean they were anything more to me than a pony that’s good in bed. I didn’t realize what I had ... what I could’ve had with Derpy until it was too late.”
It killed me, seeing my best friend tear herself up like this and not knowing what to say. I think it might have been easier to deal with all of this if it were my own pain, instead of having to just sit there and watch her fall apart. I just wanted to make her stop hurting. That was all.
I hesitantly moved up next to her on the bed and wrapped a hoof around her. “Cloud Kicker ... what you had with Derpy was special, okay? She wasn’t just some random pony, she’d been a part of your life even since you two went to school together.”
“Yeah, well so was Fluttershy, and look how that worked out,” Cloud Kicker mumbled. I didn’t think there were any words I could say that would outweigh the pain she was in. You can’t reason away grief.
I wrapped a hoof over Cloud Kicker’s shoulders and snuggled up a little closer to her. Maybe this wasn’t a time for me to talk; maybe all I could do right now was let her know that I was going to be here for her. Cloud Kicker leaned into the hug, so I guess I was doing something right.
“It’s just ... I wish I had something to remember her by, you know? I mean, all I’ve got right now is a couple old photos from Flight School and stuff. The kinda stuff anypony would have. Nothing that really matters. It’s like ... aside from my memories, there’s nothing to say that she ever–that we ever had anything. If I’d just–if I’d taken things more seriously with Derpy, she could’ve picked me to take care of her girls instead of Rainbow. At least then I’d have something to remember her by.
“I wish it had been me that was there when Dinky was born instead of Rainbow. I mean, I could’ve been their godmom instead. But Derpy never even asked me. I was just ... just another friend. A friend she banged a couple times, just for fun. But maybe if I’d been the girls’ godmom on top of that, I would’ve had more time with Derpy. Hay, maybe I would’ve caught that Celestia-damned thing growing in her brain before it was too late. If I’d just noticed what was going on I could’ve sent her straight to the hospital once she started getting those headaches and–”
I shoved my hoof over her mouth. How could she talk like this? It hurt me just to hear it, how could it not be tearing her to pieces to say things like that? Why was she doing this to herself? I could feel tears stinging my eyes. “Cloud Kicker. Stop it. Just ... stop.”
Cloud Kicker knocked my hoof aside. “It’s practically my fault she’s dead!” Oh Celestia, please don’t start shouting. If she woke Dinky up ... Dinky didn’t need to see this. “How could I spend all that time banging her and not notice that something was wrong. I should’ve seen something, I should’ve done something ... I could’ve...”
“Oh, Cloud Kicker...” I gently nuzzled her, trying to say with actions what words couldn’t convey. That she wasn’t alone with her pain, that I was here to help. “You can’t blame yourself. There’s no way you could know what was wrong with Derpy; mating doesn’t make you clairvoyant, or give you some kind of magical insight into her health.”
“It’s not about the banging,” Cloud Kicker insisted with an angry shake of her head. “It’s about the fact that I didn’t even pay any attention to her. There had to be some sign I missed, something that I could’ve–” I tightened my hug around her and began idly stroking one of her wings in what I hoped was a soothing fashion. After a few seconds she seemed to calm down a bit. “I mean, there’s so many things that make it all obvious in hindsight. Rainbow taking more and more days off from weather duty, the way Sugarcube Corner was always stocking muffins, those sad looks ponies kept giving me...”
Cloud Kicker trailed off and I spent a minute just holding her and whispering gentle words of comfort until she finally continued. “I guess, if I was thinking anything ... well, Derpy and I were banging less and less often, and the sex went from awesome all-night banging marathons to just a little quickie before she said she was tired or she had a headache. Then she just stopped showing up at all. I guess–I guess I figured that if anything was going on, it was that she was just losing interest in the relationship. The last time I saw her before that time in the hospital, I ... well I was kind of a jerk to her. Not seriously bad, but I ... I guess I was getting a little fed up with feeling like she wouldn’t just tell me what was wrong.”
I held her. It was all I could do. “You didn’t know Cloud Kicker, you didn’t know. There was no way you could’ve known.”
“I would’ve known if she’d just told me.” Cloud Kicker moaned into my chest fur. “Why didn’t she tell me?”
“She...” What could I really say to Cloud Kicker? The truth, that Derpy had wanted a few more happy days with Cloud Kicker, and had always lost her nerve when it came time to spill the beans? I don’t think that was what she needed to hear right now. Maybe later, but right now she needed something simple and comforting. The messy, complicated truth could wait until she’d healed.
Since I couldn’t find the words, I settled for holding her, gently running my hooves along her back and over her wings. After a few seconds, she slowly settled into my ministrations. At least I could do this much to help her. I might not have the right words for her, but a hug was almost as good when it came to helping.
“I just–I wish I could’ve been there for her, you know?” Cloud Kicker sniffled into my fur. “That’s all I wanted, all I ever wanted. I just never made it happen. I was never there for her. Not really, not in any way that counted.”
“You were there for her, Cloud Kicker.” I gave her a reassuring and completely platonic little kiss on the head. “Nopony expected you to be there for her every moment of every day, but you were there when she needed you. And now you can be there for her daughters.”
“But I–can I really do this?” Cloud Kicker looked up at me, and I’d never seen such and open and vulnerable look on her face before. She was a tough pony, physically and emotionally. Even more than Rainbow Dash, in a way. Rainbow Dash always wore her heart on her sleeve, while Cloud Kicker just buried all that pain and moved on. But now everything was out in the open, and she desperately needed somepony to help her deal with all her pain.
“Of course you can do it sweetie.” I leaned down to press my forehead against hers. “And if it ever gets to be too much for you, then I’ll be here for you.”
And then I did something unforgivably stupid.
You have to understand, it’s not like I was trying to take advantage of her or anything. I wasn’t even thinking about things in that way, not really. I just ... I just wanted to take her pain away. I guess in some part of my brain I was thinking that this was just the next logical step up from a comforting hug or a gentle little kiss on the head.
None of which changes the fact that I kissed her, and there was nothing platonic about it.
A second after our lips met a pair of hooves shoved me back hard enough that it hurt when I hit the wall on far side of Derpy’s bedroom. Celestia, I’d never noticed how strong she was before.
“Blossomforth, what the hay do you think you’re doing?” I flinched at the sound of her voice. It sounded so cold and distant. Not even angry. I could deal with her being angry at me, I was angry at myself for what I’d just done. I would’ve been fine with her ranting a raving at me, telling me what a terrible friend I was for kissing her. I expected her to tear me apart for making a move on her so soon after Derpy’s death, especially considering that I was doing it in Derpy’s own house while her daughter was sleeping in the next room. In her own bed no less! I was practically trying to get her to mate with me on Derpy’s grave.
Instead she just gave me that cold, unfeeling glare and used my full name. The only time she ever calls me Blossomforth is when she’s introducing me to somepony, otherwise it’s always just Blossom. I couldn’t help but feel like that change of address was meaningful. I wasn’t her best friend Blossom anymore; I’d gone back to being just Blossomforth. Years of being best friends, and I’d gone and ruined it all with a couple seconds of stupidity. I had to do something, say something to fix this.
“Cloud Kicker, I–” I had no idea what words could possibly fix this. ‘Sorry I tried to take advantage of your emotionally vulnerable state to mate with you’ sounded rather inadequate. It’s not like I’d intended to do something that base, but that was certainly what it looked like. For the love of Luna, one of Cloud Kicker’s own rules barred exactly what I’d just tried to do. Celestia, if it had been most other ponies I probably would’ve ended up pulling it off, and then where would I be? In a way, it was almost as if I had tried to rape her, except I’d taken advantage of emotional vulnerability instead of physical.
Oh Celestia, what have I done? “I’m sorry! Cloud Kicker, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t–I didn’t mean to–”
Cloud Kicker just turned her back on me and walked away. She didn’t ask me to leave, she didn’t even slam the door behind her. It was like I wasn’t even worthy of her anger, like I’d so utterly destroyed our friendship that now I didn’t even exist to her.
I curled up on the floor and started sobbing. Some horrible, greedy part of me hoped that maybe the tears would change her mind, and that Cloud Kicker would come back and forgive me. Tell me that all was forgiven, and that the only reason she’d reacted so badly was that I’d startled her.
But that didn’t happen. It was never going to happen, outside of my fantasies. How could I ever expect Cloud Kicker to forgive me? I wasn’t about to forgive myself.
A part of me said I should fly home, because Cloud Kicker wouldn’t want me to be here in the morning. I couldn’t muster the will to actually do it though. To actually get up on my hooves and walk out the door. I couldn’t even see the door from where I was. It wasn’t that far, but right now finding the strength to go around or over the bed open the door and then slip out of the house seemed as impossible as flying to the moon would on a normal day. Not even the window was an option--I felt another pang of guilt as I recalled Cloud Kicker telling me how she had painted it shut years ago, only to find out when trying to slip out of the house when Derpy’s girls had come home.
So instead I just curled up behind Derpy’s bed and cried.
