If I Go There Will Be Trouble & If I Stay It Will Be Double
“Sunset?” Twilight Sparkle called as she entered the open door of Sunset Shimmer’s office. “You in here?”
Sunset was not. Twilight entered the office and put the small package that had been accidentally sent to her own office on the desk. She idly glanced over the desktop. Sunset was much more meticulous and neat than Twilight. While Twilight’s own desk was usually the kind of chaos that resembled a bomb going off in a paper mill, Sunset’s desk was clean and organized. Everything had a proper place, and some of the trays on the desk had been neatly labeled: “In,” “Out,” “Accts. Receivable,” “Accts. Payable,” and “Stupid F***ing Bull****!”
Seeing the last one, Twilight cast a glance at the jar on the bookshelf across from the desk labeled “Florence.” It was halfway full. Twilight smiled to herself. If she’s not careful, she’s going to need the bucket again.
She turned to go, but paused as she glanced as Sunset’s monitor. A document was open on the screen. Twilight frowned as she took a closer look. Her frown quickly changed to a look of panic. She shot back upright and crashed into the chair, looking intently at the monitor as she began to hyperventilate.
Not good. Not good at all! Totally the most ungood thing that could ever happen! I still have time to fix this! I can fix this! I WILL fix this! I just need some help!
Twilight pulled out her phone. She was going to need to meet with everyone, but it wouldn't do any good if Sunset walked in on that meeting. She quickly composed a text to Sunset.
Hey, Sunset? What are your plans for lunch today?
Meeting with Rarity. Weekly update on her undercover work. Why?
Twilight smiled. Perfect.
Oh, okay. I just had a couple of ideas I wanted to bounce off you, but that's more important. I'll hit you up when you get back.
There was a delay before Sunset's reply came.
Okay. Gotta go. Rainbow's got her dick stuck in something. Again.
Don't you mean “someone?”
See you after lunch, Twilight.
Twilight got out of Sunset's chair and headed back to her own office. She did some quick determination of who would most likely be around Sunset right then, and composed a text for the others she knew would be elsewhere in the building.
Emergency lunch meeting TODAY! DO NOT TELL SUNSET! I'll explain then!
After a moment, she got replies in the affirmative from Tempest, Wallflower, and Applejack. She sent another text asking them to inform the others of the meeting once Sunset had left the building. Then, she quickly sent another text.
Rarity, it's Twilight. We have a problem over here. It's Sunset.
What's going on? Is she all right?
She's fine. But, I need you to delay her as long as you can at your lunch today. I need to have a meeting over here that she can't know about.
You know I'm all for intrigue, darling, but I think I'll need a teensy bit more information than that.
Twilight swallowed and sent her answer. Rarity responded almost immediately.
Oh, absolutely, darling! I'll give you all the time you need. Just text me the all clear when she can come back.
Twilight returned to her office. On one wall was a large dry-erase whiteboard covered in equations, schematics, and other product ideas. Twilight took a picture of the board with her phone in order to re-create them later, then erased the board and began making new notes on it.
Something was going on. Sunset was sure of it. For the last two days things had been... normal. Two days without seeing something she dearly wished she hadn't. Two days without Twilight calling her in the middle of the night with her latest insane idea. Two days without Rainbow talking about her dick, or where she had put her dick, or getting her dick caught in something it had no business being anywhere near in the first place.
Two days for Twilight to hatch something truly, repulsively stupid. While Sunset appreciated having the time to finally get the books up to date (Beanis, Inc. was going to be in the black for the next three months if things continued as they had bean -- been), it also gave her more time for her brain to worry about what Twilight could be up to. She’d already seen her friend perform necromancy after hours, for Celestia’s sake! She could be summoning some ancient flesh-eating bean god from beyond the veil of reality that would devour them all like so many fleshy nachos right now!
These thoughts had been preoccupying Sunset a lot as of late. She was losing sleep, which wasn’t helped by her more or less living in the office the last few days after the... incident in her apartment involving Flash and Somnambula. She wasn't even safe in her dreams. She had one recently about a ridiculous, quasi-religious, and almost certainly overpriced bean-based future where she spent all her time pounding her head against a gigantic impenetrable wall for all eternity because of how stupid it all was.
She was tired, irritable, and worried about how frequently she seemed to be losing all patience with her friends. More and more she felt like a sword was dangling over her head, just waiting to drop, and she knew if she didn’t do something about it soon, she would not like the consequences when it did.
She leaned back in her chair, noting the slight weight in her jacket’s inside pocket. She hadn’t made any sort of decision about what was there yet, but she knew the time was coming. Soon.
Fuck it. Even if it is Beanthlhu or whatever, I need to talk to her. Sunset got up from her desk and headed out into the hall. She turned a corner and stopped at Twilight's office door. She gave a perfunctory knock and entered the room.
The office was empty. The wall-length whiteboard across from the door was covered with Twilight's usual stream of consciousness method of note-taking. The desk was covered with half finished devices and scattered papers. Post-it notes were stuck in almost a perfect frame of the computer monitor. A framed picture of the seven of them was sitting on one corner.
Sunset picked the photo up. It had been taken at graduation. All seven girls were grinning proudly, dressed in caps and gowns, holding up their diplomas. That had been a good day. Just the seven of them celebrating an accomplishment, the beanis temporarily forgotten. Sunset's jaw tightened and she put the picture down.
She went to the elevator and punched the button for R&B. She entered the lab proper, and recoiled as the smell of bleach assaulted her nose. She looked around. The lab surfaces were spotless and gleaming. Sunset frowned in confusion and looked around.
“Wallflower? Are you here?” she called.
“Just a second, Sunset!” The utility room door in the far corner opened and Wallflower stepped out, shucking off a pair of rubber gloves. “Hey. Sorry about that. I was emptying the mop bucket.”
“We have a janitorial service,” Sunset said.
“I know, but I realized it's been a couple of months since I gave the lab a really good scrub down. I had some time in between projects, so I decided to take advantage of it. Sorry about the Eau du Clorox.”
“It's fine. What do you mean 'between projects?' You've never been between projects before.”
Wallflower blinked and blushed. “Well... honestly, Twilight hasn't sent anything new down to look at. My next big thing is still only on paper pending approval. And well...”
“Tempest left just before you started cleaning.” Sunset smirked. “Listen, at this point, I'm sure Rainbow's fucked nearly everybody here in nearly every room. You're both adults and unlike most of the other fucking that goes on around here, you two are largely discreet about it. As long as I don't have to see, hear, or smell it, I could not care less what you two do.”
“Thanks,” Wallflower said quietly. There was a moment of awkward silence before the R&B head spoke again. “Is there something you needed?”
“Right.” Sunset shook her head. The bleach was getting to her. “Sorry. Have you seen Twilight? I went to her office but she wasn't there. I thought she'd be down here with you.”
Wallflower shook her head. “No, sorry. She was here this morning, but I haven't seen her since about ten or so.”
Sunset sighed. “All right. Thanks, Wallflower. If you see her, let her know I'm looking for her, will you?”
“Can't you just text her or something?”
“I could, but honestly, I can do with the walk. It's nothing urgent. Thanks again.” Sunset waved and left the lab. She paused at the doors and looked back. “And Wallflower?”
Wallflower looked up. “Yeah?”
“You're doing a great job. One of the best here.”
“Oh... thanks!”
Sunset smiled and left. Wallflower frowned. She pulled out her phone and sent a text.
Sunset passed through the lobby, heading for the Customer Service department. Flash was on duty at the reception desk. Sunset stared straight ahead, then paused and sighed. She walked back to the desk. Flash looked up, surprised.
“Sunset, hey!” He gave a nervous smile.
Sunset sighed again. “I owe you an apology.”
“What?” Flash stood up. “No, no, you don't.”
“Yes, I do. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you. I – “
Sunset stopped talking and clenched her fist. Flash reached over the desk and took her hand.
“Hey, look, I screwed up,” he said. “You opened your home to me, and I took advantage of it... in admittedly a really messed up way.”
Sunset shook her head. “No, you don't understand. I was yelling at you, but I wasn't really mad about what happened with you and Somnambula, although, yeah, that was really fucked up. But, like you said, it was a misunderstanding.
“No, what really made me angry – what made me hurt – was that all this – “ Sunset gestured around the lobby, indicating the building. “ – came into my home. The one place I could go and forget about beans, and sex toys, and corporate espionage, and Rainbow's dick and... everything.”
Sunset rubber her forehead. “It was nice that night, Flash. It was normal. I didn't realize how much I missed normal. So much of the time I spend with the girls now has to do with this place, I kinda forgot how much fun it is to just be with a friend and chill. And after what happened, I just... snapped. It felt like my life was going to be just this. Only this.”
“Beans and sex toys and corporate espionage and Rainbow's dick and everything,” said Flash. He nodded. “I get that. But I was kind of a jerk too. You got angry and I just slipped back into the same behavior that I always did whenever you got mad. We're not teenagers anymore. I should have listened to you.”
“I shouldn't have been such a bitch to you.” Sunset looked up and gave Flash a small smile. “You're a good guy, Flash. Even if you do like getting it on with your ancient Egyptian ancestors.”
Flash blushed and he put a hand behind his head. “Aheheh. Yeah, I know it's kind of weird but... y'know, if it bothers you –“
“Please, stop before you embarrass both of us,” Sunset said, holding up a hand. “I want to talk about something you said. You mentioned I got this look on my face when discussing the business. The same look I used to give when we got beyond a certain point when we were making out. You asked if that's what I really thought of you. It isn't.
“It's sex in general, Flash. It repulses me. I don't know if it's because I started life as a pony, or if it would be the same if I were in Equestria, but it's just... ick. I reach a certain point and I just can't anymore. And here...”
“Here you're surrounded by it,” Flash finished. He let out a rueful laugh. “So, literally, it's not me, it's you.”
Sunset couldn't help but laugh with him. “Yeah. Go figure, huh?”
After a moment, they got themselves back under control. Sunset straightened her jacket and sighed again. “I'm sorry, Flash.”
“I accept your apology,” Flash said. “And listen, you need to stop sleeping in the office. My place was cleared yesterday and I've already taken my stuff home. If you want, I'll pay to have your place deep cleaned.”
“No, that's fine,” Sunset said. “Just... pay for me to rent a steam cleaner and we'll call it even, okay?”
“If you're sure,” Flash said, uncertainty on his face. Sunset nodded.
“Yeah, that should be fine.”
“Okay,” Flash reached into his pocket and pulled out a key. “Here's the key you gave me. I did do some cleaning up when I got my stuff yesterday. I changed the sheets on your bed. I hope you don't mind.”
“Oh... thanks.” Sunset took the key. She sighed again. “Listen, have you seen Twilight anywhere? I'm looking for her and I don't really want to play phone tag.”
“No, I haven't, sorry. She's not in R&B?”
Sunset shook her head. “Wallflower hasn't seen her since this morning. Oh well, I'll keep looking. You're the best, Flash. Thanks.”
She started to walk away but stopped and turned back. “Hey, Flash?”
“Yeah?”
“You wanna grab a beer this weekend? Maybe a ball game? The Horseshoes' new season starts on Saturday. I... don't think I'm ready for you to come back to my place, but I'd still like to hang out with you.
Flash smiled. “Sure! Sounds like fun.”
Sunset smiled back, and glanced upward. “You can come too, Somnambula. Just no public blowjobs, okay? Or anything else.”
“Oh, all right,” came a disembodied voice. Somnambula materialized and descended from the vaulted ceiling of the lobby. She hovered next to Flash. “No... um... what was it?”
“Hanky-panky,” Flash supplied.
“Hanky-panky, yes.” Somnambula repeated. “And I'm sorry, too, Sunset. I'm a terrible roommate. It was just... it had been so long!”
Sunset held up a hand. “I really don't care! Seriously. Look, we'll chalk it up to not having clear boundaries established. You two can do whatever you want, no matter how weird I find it, just don't do it in my apartment anymore, okay?”
“Okay,” Flash and Somnambula said. They looked at each other and started laughing.
Sunset shook her head. “I gotta find Twilight. I'll talk to you both later.”
Sunset found Tempest talking with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash in Fluttershy's new office. Just talking. Fluttershy was not bent over the desk, taking a beanis like a pro. Tempest was fully clothed and not moaning over something lodged in her ass. Rainbow was not dropping her pants at the slightest hint that someone present wanted to worship her cock.
Naturally, this made Sunset suspicious immediately.
“What's going on in here?” she asked, trying not to sound too accusatory.
“I was just schooling Tempest on hockey,” Rainbow said.
“If, by 'schooling,' you mean being completely wrong about the Saddleragers chances next season, then yes, you could say that,” Tempest replied, sipping from her coffee mug.
“They're going all the way to the finals next year, I know it!” Rainbow protested.
“Whatever lets you sleep at night… Daddy,” Tempest replied.
Rainbow gagged and glared at Tempest. “Don’t call me that.”
Tempest grinned. “Why? You gonna spank me, Daddy? You seemed to enjoy it before.”
Rainbow’s face turned bright red. “NO! Geez… I just… I mean… eewwwww!”
Fluttershy looked up at Tempest. “Tempest, honey, quit teasing your father. You know how upset she gets.”
“GOD DAMMIT FLUTTERSHY! THAT’S IT! I’M OUT!” Rainbow put her hands over her ears and stalked out of the office. Tempest and Fluttershy looked at each other and giggled.
“I think we’re enjoying this a little too much,” said Fluttershy.
Tempest shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s so fun to see her ego take a hit every so often.”
“It’s good for her too.” Fluttershy replied. She turned to Sunset. “I'm sorry, Sunset, did you need something?”
“Um... yeah,” Sunset said, somewhat taken aback. “Have you seen Twilight? I haven't heard from her all morning. She's not in her office or R&B. Did she have to leave or something?”
“I don't think so,” Fluttershy answered. “She stopped by a little while ago, but Rainbow and I were... um...”
“Occupied. I get it,” Sunset finished. She thought of something and looked at Tempest. “Please tell me you weren’t here while that was happening.”
“I was getting coffee. They were finished by the time I got here.” Tempest gestured with her mug to the two others on Fluttershy’s desk.
“God dammit, where the hell is she?” Sunset muttered under her breath. She turned to leave the office, then paused and looked back. “Hey, girls?”
“What is it, Sunset?” Fluttershy asked, smiling the smile that always made Sunset’s heart melt. She felt her face flush with embarrassment, but charged along with what she wanted to say.
“I kinda realized I've been really bitchy for a while now, and I wanted to say I'm sorry.” She looked down at the floor and grabbed her left elbow, causing Tempest and Fluttershy to exchange a look. “I may not really... approve of all the stuff you guys do here in the office but I want you to know that I think, outside of that, you're all doing a great job. Truly.”
There was an awkward moment then Fluttershy smiled. “That's really nice of you to say, Sunset.” Tempest made noises in agreement.
“You're welcome,” said Sunset. “I need to find Twilight. I'm gonna go check the greenhouse. If you see her, let her know I'm looking for her, okay?”
The other two nodded and Sunset left the office. Tempest frowned.
“How long til it’s ready?” she asked.
Fluttershy took out her phone. “I’ll text Twilight and find out.”
If it wasn't for the ultimate purpose of the product (not to mention the writhing, probing specimens currently locked behind the newly installed triple-thick glass doors in one corner), the greenhouse would have been Sunset's favorite place in the whole building. It was lush, colorful, and Applejack kept a soothing strain of music playing at all times, claiming it helped keep the aforementioned writhing and probing specimens docile during the day. It was quiet, relaxing and mercifully low on disturbing nonsense. Relatively speaking. Ever since they had been developed, there was a fifty-fifty chance Applejack was behind the glass doors “tuckering 'em out so's they don't get too frisky.”
Fortunately, this appeared not to be the case today. Applejack was tending to some seedlings, humming along with the music. Sunset cleared her throat, getting the farmer's attention. Applejack turned around and smiled.
“Howdy, Sunset! What brings y'all up here?”
“Hey, AJ. I was looking for Twilight. Have you seen her?”
“Can't say I have. Been up here tendin' to the new crop all day.”
Sunset sighed yet again. “All right. Thanks.”
She turned to head back into the building when Applejack called her.
“Sunset? You feelin' all right? You seem a little low.”
Sunset turned back. “Just a lot on my mind. Thinking some things over.”
“Doubtin' whether you really belong here?” Applejack smirked.
“Something like that,” Sunset said. She walked back and sat on one of the stools at Applejack's workbench. “How do you deal with it?”
Applejack perched on the other stool. “Deal with what?”
Sunset waved a hand. “All this. What we do. What goes on here. All of it. I know you can't possibly approve of what we're doing.”
Applejack gave her a look. “I ain't a prude, Sunset. But yeah, it's weird what we're doin'. I take a look at the bigger picture though.”
“Bigger picture?”
“It's like I told you the first day you saw this place. I've been able to get a job doing experimental farmin' right outta high school. And the stuff we've done so far is just the beginnin'. Twilight's been lookin' into applyin' what she's learned so far from the beanis thing to other stuff. We're talkin' sustainable resources for all kinds of stuff: food, construction, the sky's the limit!”
Applejack leaned forward. “Okay, so yeah, we're makin' weird bean-based sex toys. But that's cause Twi's smart and realized that sex sells. Almost any newfangled thing anybody's ever invented has sex attached to it at some point. Photography? Sex pictures. The movies? Porn films. Hell, you've seen the internet. And don't try to tell me Equestria hasn't got some freaky magical sex doodads of its own.”
Sunset laughed in spite of herself. “You got me there. We don't talk about it much, but everypony knows about Canterlot's red light district somehow.”
Applejack giggled and continued. “Point is, sooner or later, things'll level off and Twilight'll start makin' other decisions. Ones that don't involve Rainbow Dash's dick and everyone havin' to stop what they're doin' to fuck it.”
Sunset burst out laughing at the plain talk coming from her friend. Applejack joined her and after a few moments, put a hand on Sunset's shoulder.
“That's how I deal with it. I just keep remindin' myself that the stuff that grosses me out will pass, and then we'll be able to get the really interestin' stuff going. I just gotta be patient.”
Sunset nodded. “That's really good advice. Thanks, Applejack.”
“Anytime, sugarcube.”
Sunset stood up. “I need to find Twilight. I'll let you get back to planting.”
“All right,” Applejack dusted her hands off. “Remember what I said. It ain't gonna be forever.”
“Yeah, thanks. If you see or hear from Twilight, tell her to get a hold of me, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
On her way down from the greenhouse, Sunset stopped back at Twilight's office to see if she had come back. The office was as empty as it was before. Sunset sighed and decided to try her luck in the cafeteria.
As she headed for the elevators again, she slowed when she realized she was coming up on the office which housed The Couch. She mentally kicked herself for not realizing she was heading in this direction. The door was closed, so at the very least that meant it was either empty or occupied. As long as the door stayed shut, Sunset didn't really care which. The less she had to think about The Couch, the better.
She picked up her pace, intending to pass the room as quickly as possible. As soon as she got to the door, however, it sprang open. A few balloons floated out into the hall and up to the ceiling. Pinkie Pie leaned out the door. Sunset stopped and stared. Pinkie was largely naked, with the exception of what looked like two small rocks covering her nipples and a larger rock over her crotch. She saw Sunset and grinned widely.
“Hey, Sunset! Whatcha doin'?”
“Um... hi, Pinkie,” Sunset said uncomfortably. She instinctively tried to peer into the room, but all she could see was more balloons. “I was looking for Twilight. She's not in there somewhere, is she?”
“Nnnnope!” Pinkie chirped. “Just me doing my show for the day!”
“Pinkie... they're wondering where you went,” came a monotone voice form deeper within the room. “Also, you said you would take this out of my ass. It's starting to become uncomfortable.”
Sunset blinked. “Is – Is that Maud?”
“Yeah, I mentioned her once or twice and my viewers wanted to see her. She was up for it so we're doing a show together.”
“Pinkie,” came Maud's impassive voice again. “This is really starting to chafe. And the vibrator isn't helping.”
“Com-innnnng!” Pinkie sing-songed. She looked back at Sunset. “Maud's been playing with a stalactite. She tripped and now it's trying to make her a stalact-loose!”
Sunset couldn't help it. Her face shifted into an expression of disgust and horror. “Go... deal with that. I need to find Twilight.”
“Okay! See you soon! Okay, Maud, grab hold of the saddle horn and try not to tense up!”
Pinkie vanished into the balloons, the door closing behind her. Sunset shuddered and continued to the cafeteria.
Which was a bust. Lunch had ended an hour ago and the food service people who came in to do the catering had left for the day. The cafeteria was empty. Sunset sighed. Either Twilight had left the building or the two of them had been going in circles all afternoon.
She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She grabbed it and found a text from Twilight waiting for her.
“Finally!” Sunset tapped the message icon.
I'm in the conference room. Can you meet me here?
Sunset sighed. Of course Twilight was back up by the offices. She texted that she'd be right there and headed back for the elevators. There may not have been as many mind-scarring experiences (yet), but today was shaping up to be just as stupid as any other day at Beanis Inc
Sunset paused and pressed her ear against the closed conference room door. She could hear quiet voices and an ominous deep pulsing tone. She looked down at the floor. An odd green light was glowing from underneath the bottom of the door. Sunset's eyes widened.
Oh my god, she IS summoning Beanthulhu!
Her head spinning with images of elder bean gods ripping the fabric of reality and assaulting the populous with the kind of legume-based horrors that made the bean-octopii hybrids in the greenhouse look like the calimari special at Pasta-By-The-Pound, Sunset grabbed the doorknob, twisted it and burst into the room, ready to tackle the forces of beany evil, no matter what horrifying shape they –
“SURPRISE!”
Sunset let out a yelp and jumped back. As soon as her heart stopped racing, she looked around. Streamers and balloons were scattered around, a large cake was on the conference table, and a giant banner had been strung across the window. “We Love You, Sunset!” was written across it. A set of multicolored party lights were set up and glowing green. In the corner was a large portable speaker jacked into someone's phone. Thumping bass-backed dance music was playing.
Twilight stood in front of her, smiling brightly. Around the conference table were the rest of her friends. Even Pinkie had somehow managed to get dressed and make it during the few minutes Sunset had been down in the cafeteria.
“What's all this?” Sunset asked, coming fully into the room.
“Well,” Twilight began. “I noticed that we've all be causing you a lot of stress lately, so we all decided to show you how much we appreciate all you do here.”
“Yeah,” Rainbow said. “We went out of our way not to do anything too stupid so you could relax!”
Sunset quirked an eyebrow. "I just saw Pinkie doing an incestuous geological cam show with her sister down the hall."
Rainbow blinked and gave a sheepish grin. "Yeah... well... y'know... Pinkie. Oh hey, cake!"
She zipped off in a blur of rainbow colors. Sunset smirked as Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight all made identical expressions of exasperation. She turned to Twilight.
“So, you've all been hiding stuff from me? Do I need to be worried?”
“No! No no no!” Twilight said. “Any problems that happened, I took care of it. And I did not spend any more money than we normally do on day-to-day expenses. I promise. I'm gonna give you the books later.”
Sunset quirked an eyebrow and she looked over at Applejack, who nodded.
“It's true. Twilight's been runnin' around the building like a cat with its tail on fire for the last two days makin' sure everything was runnin' smoothly.”
Sunset smiled and shook her head. “You guys are nuts, you know that?”
“Maybe,” Pinkie said, appearing next to her. “But we're your nuts!”
Sunset laughed and let Pinkie drag her further into the room. “Told ya I’d see you soon!” Pinkie chirped.
For the next couple of hours, there was laughter, music, food, and Sunset was reminded why she hung around with these girls (and guy. And ghost) in the first place. She let herself relax and stop worrying. Stupid jokes were told. Anecdotes were shared. Friendships were reinforced.
Eventually, the work day came to an end and everyone began leaving for home. Tempest and Wallflower were the last to go, leaving Sunset and Twilight in the conference room
“See you guys later!” Sunset said.
“See ya,” said Tempest. Wallflower waved and the two disappeared into the hallway. Sunset sat back in her chair and picked up the soda she had been drinking.
“This was nice,” she said. “Thanks, Twilight.”
“I'm glad you liked it.” Twilight took a sip of her own soda. The two sat in silence, watching the sun set out the conference room windows. Twilight glanced over at Sunset, noting the faint smile of contentment on her friend's face.
“Please don't quit.”
“Huh?” Sunset blinked and swiveled in her chair to face Twilight. “What?”
Twilight's expression was pleading. “I was in your office a couple of days ago. I saw your resignation letter on the screen.”
Sunset groaned. I knew that was going to bite me in the ass. “Twilight...”
“I know I get obsessed and manic and keep doing things that annoy you, but I need you,” Twilight said, also turning to look at Sunset. “I need you to keep me grounded. To tell me when I'm going too far. I need someone who can keep their eye on the bottom line. We never would have come this far if you hadn't been here.”
Twilight leaned forward, her eyes wide and earnest behind her glasses. “So, please, Sunset, don't quit. We can change things. You saw it this week. We don't have to be so blatant about what we're doing. We can create new policies. Private product testing rooms.”
“Twilight.”
“A no-sex during working hours rule! Or at least make sure we limit it to R&B or The Couch!”
“Twilight.”
“Dart guns! We can put emergency dart guns around for use when Rainbow decides she needs to bang someone in an inappropriate part of the building!”
“Twilight!” Sunset snapped. “Calm down.”
“Sorry, but you see what I mean. I get carried away!”
“I know.” Sunset smiled. “But it's okay. You wouldn't be you if you didn't.”
Sunset took another drink and put her soda down. “Listen, my own paranoia aside, this has been a great couple of days. I was able to get ahead on work, have some normalcy in the office, and I didn't even have to get a new bottle of ibuprofen.
“And the party was great too. We've been doing this for so long, we haven't really just hung out like that. It was nice. It reminded me why I'm so lucky you all gave me the chance to become friends with you. This has been one of the nicest things you've ever done for me, and you'll never know how much I appreciate it.”
“Then you'll stay?” Twilight said, her eyes wide with anticipation.
“No.”
Twilight stared at Sunset, confusion on her face. “What? I... I don't understand. You just said how great everything was.”
“And it was,” Sunset confirmed. “But it's not enough, Twilight. We can implement changes all over the place, but sooner or later, the stupid is going to return and I just can't do it anymore. It's already spilled over into my home life and I just can't have it get any worse. I want – no. I need some part of my life to be separate from this. I need to be able to hang out with all of you and not have the conversation be about whatever new bean-based monstrosity R&B is unveiling this week.”
“We can do that!” Twilight said hurriedly. “I can do that! We can go to a movie or get dinner or something! The beach! The weather's changing! We can hit the beach!”
“Twilight, stop.” Sunset rubbed the bridge of her nose. “It's not you, or Dash, or Wallflower. It’s this place. I can't work here anymore. I'm tired, Twilight. I'm tired of being angry. I'm tired of being frustrated. And I'm tired of asking myself why we're all still friends. All this just reminded me of how much I care about all of you. And I don't want that to change.”
“Then stay!” Twilight insisted. “We can make it work, I promise! Anything you want us to change, we can change!”
“And I don't want you to.”
Twilight blinked. “What?”
“I don't want you to change this place. Because as weird and annoying and stupid as I think it all is... it works. This bullshit bean dildo empire of yours is actually working. I don't know how. I don't wantto know how. But I do know that if we fucked with it, this whole company may just tank. And I don't want that for you, or for anyone else. You're successful. You're employing people. Hell, most of us went straight here out of high school. Do you realize how rare that seems to be?
“So you see my dilemma. I don't want you to fail, but I can't work here either. I tried to make it work, but I can't take anymore. So the only solution is for me to leave.”
Sunset reached into the inside pocket of her jacket. She withdrew an envelope and laid it on the table between them. Twilight looked at it. The words “Private & Personal” were written across it. Twilight blinked again as she felt tears begin to sting her eyes.
She looked up at Sunset. “What will I do? I need someone I can rely on in your position, Sunset.”
“I thought of that. I've been doing interviews on the side. I have a replacement lined up. She knows her stuff and I briefed her thoroughly on how things are done here.”
“She won't be you,” Twilight said, almost pouting. Sunset chuckled.
“No, she won't, but she'll be able to keep this madhouse running just as well as I can. I promise.”
Twilight looked at the floor, trying to keep herself from crying. Sunset reached out and gently lifted her chin.
“Hey, we're still friends,” she said. “Call me whenever you want to do something not beanis related and I'll come running. And I guarantee I'll be a lot more fun to hang out with.”
Twilight sniffled and picked up the envelope. “You're really leaving.”
“Yeah.” Sunset nodded and got up. Twilight followed suit. “It's been... interesting while I've been here, Twilight. My replacement will be here the day after tomorrow. I'll show her the ropes, clean out my office, and then I'll get out of your hair by the end of the week.”
Twilight swallowed and grabbed Sunset in a tight embrace. “Don't go.”
Sunset smiled, closed her eyes, and returned the hug. “I'm sorry. I have to.”
She gently detached from Twilight. “I'll let the cleaning crew know about the mess in here. I'll see you tomorrow.”
Twilight said nothing, looking down at the floor again.
“Hey,” Sunset said. Twilight looked up. Sunset smiled. “You'll be okay.”
“I... I know,” Twilight sniffed. “I just need a minute, okay?”
Sunset nodded. The two hugged again and Sunset began moving toward the conference room door. She raised a hand in goodbye.
“See you later, Twilight.”
Twilight wiped her nose and forced a smile on her face. “Yeah. See you tomorrow, Sunset.”
Sunset smiled one last time and left the room. Twilight grabbed a napkin from next to the cake and took her glasses off. She wiped her eyes and looked out the window. The sun had set and the stars began to appear in the violet sky. She looked down at the parking lot and saw Sunset come out of the building, get into her car and drive away.
As the tail-lights vanished around a bend in the road, sparks of blue formed at Twilight's cheekbones which slowly grew into curved flames that framed her eyes.
Her tears continued to flow.
And so, it is for these reasons, as well as several not stated here, that I hereby resign my positions as Director of Human Resources and Chief Accountant of Beanis Erotic Adult Novelties and Innovative Solutions, Incorporated, effective immediately.
Thank you for the opportunities my employment has provided.
Sunset Shimmer
Former Director of Human Resources & Chief Accountant
BEANIS, Inc.