Intrusion 1
Showtime Bits
You find yourself in the quiet lot behind the theatre where the Pony Variety Show! plays every sunday, following an anonymous tip. It seems that somepony sent you a message telling you to be here today, and apparently you're not the only one. Half a dozen others have shown up as well, whispering curiously about the nature of your secretive invitation.
You walk across the lot, trying to look inconspicuous as you pass by the Tardis, Doc's DeLorean, the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000, a jet powered unicycle, and other assorted modes of transportation. The quiet hubbub of your conversation ebbs into silence as you arrive at the back door of the theatre.
For long moments, you're all left there feeling slightly silly. There should be something happening, yet nothing has occurred yet. Then, with a long, low creak, the door opens, revealing a yellow eyed changeling with a similarly colored patch of chitin along his stomach. It's Yellowbelly, one of the pranksters from the show.
He grins at you, gesturing for you to enter with a hooflike appendage. "Keekeekee! C'mon quick, afore a pony sees you!"
The little group of you slips in through the door, into the back of the theatre. Off in the distance, you can hear ponies doing something around the stage area. Looking about the room, you see that the finer wood floors have spread all the way to the back. Small closets are squeezed into the walls, each labelled for certain costumes or props, while crates are stacked all about, filled with supplies for the shows.
Peering over one of those crates, Yellowbelly's other half, Bluenose, is chuckling as he peers off over the top of the impromptu wall. He looks over, spotting you all. "Ah, guests find their way here! Good, good! Need ta get rid of the potions before zebra-thing finds us."
He flits over with a box, pulling out little glass bottles filled with a powder blue liquid. Grinning from ear to ear, the changeling explains the rules of the little outing. "These potions make ya invisible! Ya can walk around, but no touching anypony, er they stop. Zecora zebra say they work for an hour, then ya gotta get out. If ponies do catch ya, it wasn' us, or ya never get back in!"
"Keekeekee! Go play now! We be watchin' too!" Yellowbelly cackles as they flit off into the darkened rafters leaving you all to experience the backstage.
"Oh boy, Fluttershy here I come!" One of the other bronies exclaims, gulping down the potion in one quick swig. You all watch as he fades from view. "Haha! It works!"
"Yeah, but it doesn't shut your mouth, so keep it down." Another whispers as he drinks his. You each take your bottle, gulping down the contents.
The effect is perfect, well almost anyways. Apparently Zecora also had a batch that turns somepony into a chicken in the same kind of bottle, because one of you didn't end up quite so lucky. Writing off the loss of one of your companions to fowlhood, you creep into the backstage area, hoping to catch sight of something to make this trip worthwhile.
* * *
As you creep out onto the stage, you see that the Star Trek set is in place, currently displaying the 'Canterprise D's' bridge. Twilight Sparkle, dressed in the full uniform of a twenty-fourth century bridge officer's red regalia, sits in the captain's chair. Surrounding her, the others are similarly attired, though in different positions.
"Captain's Log, Stardate 42544.0: I, Captain Twi Light Sparkard have taken my chair for the first time in command of the USS Canterprise. Today we will be undertaking our first mission to find new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where nopony has gone before." Twilight intones into the chair's arm.
"Who're you talking to anyway?" Spike asks from the first officer's chair next to her.
"Spike! Uh, I mean, Commander Spiker, it is important for us to keep logs of our missions, and now because of your interruption, I'll have to start all over." Twilight whines, squinting at him.
Just then, the turbolift door opens, and an irritable looking Angel Bunny comes hopping in. Twilight whirls in her chair to face the intruder. "Fluttershy isn't here, now get off my bridge, Wesley!"
Angel's face squeezes up, then he bounces back into the turbolift, looking quite peeved as the door shuts.
"Ah, that's better. Now where were we?" Twilight sighs as she sinks back into the chair.
"Captain, we're being hailed." Rainbow Dash calls down from the tactical console, dressed in Worf's signature bandolier and a yellow uniform.
"Onscreen." Twilight commands, gesturing to the large display.
"Uh, we can't. We're literally being hailed." Rainbow Dash replies, raising an eyebrow.
“In the middle of space?! Do you really expect me to believe that?” Twilight was already annoyed this morning and now any nonsense was bound to make her crack.
“Over there!” Applejack yells, eyeing the flash of light near the screen through a pony replica of Geordi's visor. The crew gasps at the sight. Rarity draws a dramatic breath, then falls back as if fainting. Spike hops out of the chair, claws extended to catch her, but fails when she squishes him underneath her.
“Q!” Twilight snaps out, glaring at the materializing figure.
The creature chuckles delightedly. “I haven’t been called that in a long time. These days I go by Discord.”
“What do you want with us this time?” Spike asks accusingly from under Rarity, who seems to be enjoying laying atop her little friend.
Discord pulls out a long roll of parchment, setting some reading glasses atop his nose as he does. “I just want you all to fill out this little poll for me. It won’t take too long.”
Twilight eyes Discord suspiciously. “What do you really want?”
“I find all this to be…humorous? Is that the word?” Pinkie Pie, her face covered in flour, giggles accidentally as she tries to keep a straight face while imitating Mr. Data.
“Ah’d say that doesn’ really matter right now.” Applejack says, looking warily at Discord.
“First question! Please state the nature of the medical emergency- oh wait, wrong series. That’s in the future.” Discord, seemingly disorganized, grabs a rubber chicken from behind his back and squeezes it, producing a pencil. It wasn’t really a pencil, but something shaped more or less like a propeller. With whatever it is, Discord crosses out a few things on the list. Meanwhile, the crew watches with varied levels of ‘what the hay?!’ expressions.
“Get on with it, freak!” Rainbow Dash shouts in her best deep, angry voice as she slams a hoof on the weapons control in annoyance. Discord seems to take no notice, and neither does Twilight. The Captain seems busy trying to get her eye to stop twitching.
“Here we are!” Discord clears his throat loudly before reading from the paper. “I’m thinking of a number between five and infinity…”
“3.14159265…” Pinkie Pie recites immediately, then falls over in a fit of giggles.
“No!” Discord says cheerfully, giggling and snapping his fingers. A big pink cloud appears over the android, pelting her in chocolate milk. Pinkie promptly begins slurping up the chocolate mess, laughing and snortling like a little piglet.
“Next question!” Discord announces.
“You said this was a poll! You can’t have wrong answers in a poll!” Twilight protests.
“Oh no? Here’s another question. Just for you Pic- I mean Sparkard. What is your name?”
Dumbfounded, Twilight tries to think before just blurting out an answer like Pinkie Pie, who is currently developing a crunchy chocolate crust, had. Finding no better answer, the Captain sighs and gives her answer.
“Captain Twi Light Sparkard.”
“Wrong!” Discord says gleefully!
“What?” Spike scratches his head in confusion.
“That’s your title, not only your name!” Discord cracks up, rolling with laughter.
“There is no honor in this poll!” Rainbow Dash cries in frustration.
“Next question!” Discord says, looking back at the list. The crew all groan. Before Discord speaks again, though he is quickly interrupted by another disturbance.
“No Angel, no! Please stay off the bridge!” Fluttershy cries, rushing onto the bridge in pursuit of Angel bunny. The little rabbit is wielding a carrot and staring at Discord with a determined look on his face. With a lucky toss, he throws the carrot at Discord, landing it right up the draconequus' left nostril.
Before Twilight can comment on this strange turn of events, Discord lets out a loud yell of ‘AAAARRRRGGG!’ before disappearing through the floor. The cloud of chocolate rain remains, however, soaking the still happy Pinkie Pie, who is ballooning up.
“Hmm…I find this to be rather delightful.” Pinkie observes, still attempting to be Data-like.
“I’m so sorry, Captain, it won’t happen again.” Fluttershy tries to cover for Angel’s behavior, but Twilight stopped her.
“Number One!” Spike, who has finally gotten out from under Rarity, rushes to Twilight's side. “I want the boy offered a position on the bridge. Perhaps in navigation?”
Angel pays no attention to this conversation. Instead the angry bunny dashes over to where Discord vanished, and begins rapping his foot on the deck.
“Yes sir!” Spike replies.
Twilight returns to her Captain’s chair, sighing with exasperation. “Now let’s get out of here. Mr. Datapie, plot a course for sector 1372. Engage.”
* * *
"That was sooo boring! I didn't even get to fire the weapons!" Rainbow Dash complains as she and Applejack walk towards their dressing rooms.
"Aw, it wasn' that bad. Ah had fun." Applejack replies, trying to defend Twilight's fantasies.
"Psh! Yes it was! I mean, all we ended up doing was staring at some star while Twilight explained a bunch of egghead stuff! I mean, how much more boring can you get!"
"Listen Rainbow, Twi's been gettin' pretty worked up lately, what with the show an' all. We need ta let her have some fun once in a while. Besides, we're her friends. We should all do what th' others think is fun sometimes."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." Rainbow Dash rolls her eyes. "Hey, ya wanna go get a drink with me?"
"Ah don' know. We're gonna start practicin' fer the next show tonight. Maybe we should hold off on th' alcohol." Applejack answers, looking a little edgy.
Rainbow Dash grins, squinting competitively. "You just don't want to because you know I can take mine better than you can."
Applejack's eyes meet Rainbow Dash's. "Anytime, anywhere!"
The pair of them race off towards their rooms to get changed, each determined to be the first one done.
* * *
"You did a wonderful job, Spike." Rarity says, smiling down at her companion as they head for Rarity's dressing room. "The way you hurried over to catch me was so gallant."
"Wow, you really think so?"
"I know so, darling." Rarity replies at the heart struck dragon. "Now, would you be a dear and fetch me a latte? I'm positively beat after that performance."
"Sure thing, Rarity!" Spike calls cheerfully, dashing off to fulfill his idol's request.
"Oh, isn't he such a sweetheart?" Rarity asks, not noticing the two snickering figures off behind her.
Bluenose and Yellowbelly flutter along in the darkened rafters high overhead, their malevolent eyes glowing as they pursue Spike's course. As he rounds a corner, the two miscreants strike. They position themselves behind a pile of sandbags, shoving the heavy objects down upon the unsuspecting Spike as he walks under.
"Oof!" He calls out, groaning from under the heavy load.
"Keeeeekeekeekee!" The changelings laugh hysterically as they glide down to where Spike lays buried under the heavy bags.
"Nighty night, dragon thing!" Yellowbelly whispers, poking Spike's exposed nose. "Now we play a prank on the prissy one."
"Keekeekeekee! Look at this one!" Bluenose chuckles, holding up a bottle of mouthwash he retrieved a moment before from one of the stage bathrooms. "We use this ta give ta the prissy one! She'll be all eeyugh!"
"Keeekeekeekee!" They both laugh together at Bluenose's imitation of Rarity.
"Ooh! Ooh! Need a coffeecup! I'll get it!" Yellowbelly hisses delightedly, then hurries over to the break room.
The cheeky changeling bursts into the low ceilinged room, passing by several small tables, booths and vending machines on his way over to the trash bin at the far end. He is in such a hurry, he hardly notices the tan mare sitting back in one of the chairs, relaxing after stage duty. He promptly buries his snout into a trash bin, pulling out the coffee cup he is seeking.
"Keeheeheekee! Gottit! Now we prank the Rarity!" He zips back out, little realizing that he's being followed.
The mare eyes Yellowbelly with an intense golden stare, brushing aside messy red, brown, and yellow locks of hair as she slips after the troublemaker. Out in the backstage prep area, she spots Bluenose pouring the mouthwash into Yellowbelly's cup. The eager changeling is practically dancing with glee as he shifts his form in a burst of green burning light that races over his body, changing his appearance to one that mimics Spike to a tee. His hold on the cup wobbles perilously until Bluenose almost misses it's wide, open top with the blue-green liquid.
"Stoppit, stoppit! I'ma miss the cup if ya keep dancing!" Bluenose whines, trying to keep from spilling their joke. He reaches a hoof into a box full of something called 'Stage Poppers, Property of The Great and Powerful Trixie!', the changeling drops it into the cup, which starts to bubble faintly.
The cackling pranksters dash off down the hall, tittering to each other as they approach Rarity's dressing room door, their new tail in quiet pursuit. Bluenose flits silently off to one side as Yellowbelly, still guised as Spike, knocks on the door below the big yellow star with 'Rarity' imprinted upon it.
"Just a moment!" Rarity almost sings from somewhere in the room, eliciting another bout of giggles from the pranksters.
The door opens moments later, revealing Rarity with her hair wrapped atop her head in a bath towel, a fluffy robe wrapped seductively around her damp body. She smiles at Yellowbelly, clearly not seeing through the disguise.
"Here ya' go, Rarity!" Fake Spike bubbles gleefully as the coffee cup floats from his claws in a blue cloud of magic. Lowering his voice to a more suggestive level, Yellowbelly speaks again, raising one eyebrow as he leans closer to the lovely mare. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
Taken aback by the oddly forward attitude of the little dragon, Rarity frowns. "Well, I need to get dressed, but perhaps after I'm finished you could… help me work on some costumes for next week's show! Yes, that would be perfect." She stammers.
Yellowbelly Spike's eyes grow wider as Rarity absentmindedly draws the cup to her lips, takes a dainty sip, and promptly makes a face of utter surprise and disgust! She spits out the cavity fighting liquid, spraying the trickster a fine mist. "Pff! Euugh! Spike, what is this!? It tastes like mouthwash!"
"Keekeeeekeekeekee! We got 'er good!" Yellowbelly falls back laughing, returning to his true form.
"Kahaheekeekeekee! Silly pony thinks that you're Spike!" Bluenose joins in, cackling uncontrollably at Rarity's surprised expression.
Suddenly the cup starts fizzling and popping as the special something goes off, spraying Rarity with a blast of mouthwash, soaking her face and coat. Rarity's eyes go small in shock, leaving the two changelings laughing even more uproariously.
Off behind the two, the tan pony stifles a laugh with one hoof, trying to keep from giving herself away. She quickly slips off to where Spike is just sitting up amongst the heavy sandbags.
"Rise and shine, sleepyhead." The mare says with a big grin.
"Uuh, wha? Zanny? What happened?" The little dragon asks, looking up at his friend.
"Just Bluenose and Yellowbelly, up to their usual antics." Zanny replies, helping Spike up with a hoof.
"Oh no, Rarity!" Spike pulls himself upright, rushing back to the unicorn's room.
Off down the hall, you can hear the now furious Rarity sharing a piece of her mind with the changelings, and from the sound of it, she's sharing some of the furniture with them too! "Of all the- crash! -childish pranks you two have pulled, this- smash! -has to be the worst ever! When I get my hooves on you two!"
"Keekeekeekeekee!" The changelings come barreling past you, narrowly missing as they disappear through the theatre. From the way Rarity is hurling things after them, you decide that a hasty retreat is in order as well!
* * *
Off down the hall, Twilight is stepping into her own dressing room near the very back of the theatre, when the rear entrance opens. She glances over, a smile replacing her formerly grumpy look in a heartbeat at the sight of the pony entering.
"Hello Twilight, did you have fun on the bridge?" The blue pony asks, returning her smile.
"Well, not quite as much as I would have liked, but it was okay. I don't think the others appreciate the nomenclature of stellar objects quite as much as I do." She answers halfheartedly.
"Heh, sorry I couldn't be there. It might have at least been more fun if somepony knew what you were talking about." He teases, earning him a playful nudge from the mare.
"Oh shush, Boldheart! If you keep it up, I may just schedule you to be the OC who hits on me, and gets beat up by my friends." Twilight shoots back, her voice giving a lie to the words.
"Besides, I know that some of them know what I'm talking abo-" She closes her eyes, letting a bit of pride creep into her voice. She opens them too late to see Boldheart lean in and kiss her full in the mouth, drawing a deep blush to her cheeks.
The two ponies seem frozen in time for a moment, lost in the tender gesture. Drawing his muzzle back, Boldheart's face goes red. "My apologies, Captain. You look so lovely in you uniform that I couldn't help myself."
"Ah yes," Twilight manages, blushing deeply, "I should get out of this thing."
She hurries into her room, shutting the star marked door behind her. Boldheart stands alone in the dark halls, whispering a goodbye as he watches her go. "I love you, Twilight…"
* * *
You find yourself wandering up a staircase around the show hall, when you hear chuckles and laughter coming from a small side door. Peering in, you witness a most unlikely scene. Queen Chrysalis, Pinkie Pie, Geri Fore, and Mr. Waddle are all sitting around a poker table, cards in hand as they watch each other, hoping for somepony to give away their hand.
Apparently there's a lively conversation going on, as you overhear Chrysalis talking. "-she's not really much for conversation because she's too busy hiding her fetish."
"A fetish? Fluttershy? I don't know, Chryssie, that seems a bit far-fetched, especially since she probably doesn't even know what a fetish is." Pinkie Pie answers, her tongue sticking out in concentration. She is wearing a lime green poker visor that keeps her sproingy hair from falling into her face.
"I don't know, she seems pretty secretive. After all, how often does she even come to the theatre? I'll bet that one's into some pretty wild stuff." Geri comments, his eyes dancing from Pinkie Pie to Chrysalis and back again.
"Wild? That filly's an animal!" Mr. Waddle replies.
"Dohohohohoho!" The three ponies at the table all laugh, with Pinkie's piggy snorts punctuating the oldsters' boisterous guffaws.
"Oh, you three don't know the half of it." Chrysalis smiles, laying down two aces and two eights, silencing the amusement with astounded looks. "I've actually talked with a few of her 'other' friends, and from what I hear, she's got it going on in the back closet, if you know what I mean."
"Aww, rumors and rubbish! Fluttershy is way too well behaved for that." Pinkie Pie replies with a smile, laying down her own pair of tens. "Besides, if she really were up to something, I'm pretty sure her pet parrot would know about it."
"You're getting her parrot to squawk?" Mr. Waddle asks, his eyes glimmering with another joke.
"Are you sure it's not a stool pidgeon?" Geri finishes, bringing on another bout of laughter which seems to be ruining Chrysalis' mood about holding her winning hand.
"Well, I still think she's got something to hide. Not as much as Cadence does, but still." The changeling queen comments.
"What!?" The three others all look at her in surprise.
Chrysalis smiles slyly. "If you want that little bit of gossip, you'll have to come back with more chips."
She sweeps her hooves across the table, depriving her opponents of their bids.
"Remind me not to play with a two faced bandit." Geri Fore comments to his pal.
"Two faced? I thought she had ten!" Mr. Waddle replies.
"Dohohohoho!"
* * *
You're having such a good time spying that you almost forget what time it is. Realization strikes as your body slowly begins to take shape and color again, warning you that it's time to get out of here. You hurry to the back door, slipping out before anypony spots you.
You take one long look back at the theatre, wishing for just a little more time. Oh well, looks like you'll just have to wait for the changelings' next invite.