Amber Brandy
Does one know the weight of a gold heart?
It seems hard to bear, but it’s value is immeasurable. Sometimes it burns within a raging inferno, shining like a golden beacon of passion and love. However, when its light goes out and it surrenders to the darkness, it doesn’t even shimmer or sparkle. It’s dull, not doing a single thing to show its worth.
That’s how I felt when this beautiful mare left me. This angel, sweet and soft to the touch, tossed me behind and moved on with her life. How can a stallion such as myself feel any more worthless after losing something so valuable to me?
…
I guess the alcohol is really starting to take its effect. I’m all over the place with my emotions. Sure, my own senses feel completely numb, sort of in a wonderful state of nirvana. However, I’d be lying to myself when I say my mind was fine. It isn’t. To which, I should have known sooner or later that I can’t just drink away my problems.
I can’t just drink her out of mind. It feels so wrong, yet here I sit, in this bar, rambling on about her after my fifth or so shot of whiskey. My sweet little angel left me this afternoon, after we fought on-and-on about all the typical stuff couple would argue about. Money, ego, plans, and so on… I think?
If you think we didn’t argue about it, chances are we, my sweet angel and I, already have. It’s been some rough couple months for us, especially after her uncle died from cancer. Such a wonderful stallion he was. In fact, he taught me a thing or two about mares. The first thing he told me was they were always going to love a stallion if they can make her feel like a million bits among others.
Well... Did I live up to that fact?
I like to think I did. I mean, I treated her, my darling, like she was the sweetest thing since mama’s own well-baked apple pie. I loved her, duh! I called her by anything and everything in the book that I can remember; Darling, angel, sweetheart, sweetie, sugar, and honey. The list just goes on and on.
The second thing he said to me was I should always be patient when it came to a mare. I should let her take her time since I shouldn’t mind waiting on her. Now that I think about it, maybe that could have been my mistake all this time. All the time we spent over the past few months, ruined over a fight about time itself. It’s something where I should have been patient with, even when it was over a ridiculous thing.
I mean, she did take a lot time when it came to her getting ready for anything and everything. This mare just had to be perfect! She had to wear her makeup just right, find the perfect outfit for the evening, make sure her cat was well fed, and so on! An equine like me could be fine with it at first, but after a while it can wear you thin. So, yeah, I lost my patience.
That’s where the fights started to come in. I did try and suggest she cut down on all the things she tried to do before going out to town, however she insisted that what she does was perfectly necessary for her to look her best. I disagreed.
She looked fine, even with a little bit of makeup on her. I always said the natural look worked best for her since I could see her wonderful imperfections. It was those blemishes and mistakes which made her more beautiful than a mare who dolled herself up, covering those errors that make us only more normal.
However, the lady insisted she covered herself, head to hoof, with as much product as one could put on her. One minute, she looked like a wonderful mare with a cute little dimple on her side. The next, she looked like a plastic nightmare. One could only assume she just recently stepped off the set of the next drag queen movie.
I told her over-and-over that she needed to cut down on her makeup, stop spending so much time in the bathroom putting on the stuff, and just represent herself for the mare she was! Instead of her agreeing with me, she could complain, arguing that what she did was necessary for her image. While I’m not against a mare presenting herself the best way she can, I will admit there is such a thing as overdoing it as well.
Yeah... This mare overdid it every single time.
So, when you add it on, along with everything else you can argue about, eventually things will build up to an unbearable pressure between us. It becomes a ticking time bomb you know will explode at any moment. Oh, and went ka-boom!
It took only one comment about her looks, and next thing I knew, she was gone. My old angel packed her stuff and left me. I had enough, and so did she. It was obvious that we wasted our time with each other, thus love left the door a long time ago. Goodbye my sweet darling! The alcohol certainly makes me miss you!
I mean, look at me now! I’m single again, drinking until the morning come, and rambling on about you. You made me question a few things, take another shot of whiskey, and about an hour, I’ll pass out with a horrible headache to wake up too in the morning! Thank you dear! I certainly love living this type of lonely, hopelessness-filled life!
Oh, screw it!
I’ll get over you, eventually. I know I can since I have the heart of gold. Yeah, it’s heavy to carry, but I know it still has some worth to it. It might take some time to buff out the scratches you placed there, but I don’t care. I’ll make it shine once more since I’m now a little bit wiser. I have you to thank for that, so cheers to you!
Thanks for the memories!