Princess Stardust
Previously on "A Journey Beyond Sanity"
"...Ah." The Princess blinked patiently, inciting my small grin. "Maybe I can show you how much you mean to me... Just not through physical means." That said, I raised a hoof, and Twilight understood the gesture, smiling tentatively and bringing the palm of her own hoof against my own, the two meeting.
And the bond commencing, the second I closed my eyes, I was filled with a sense of warmth unlike any other. Affection and caring rolled across the strengthened bond like waves, equal sentiments shared between us meeting one another into a content ocean. A sea of gold and purple entangling, swirling to make the perfect flow of affection. Everything was becoming content to my senses, and I had no desire to stop experiencing what was happening through our bond. Though our connection, I felt just exactly how much this mare cared for me... And how much I cared for her more than life itself. The sea was a glittering distance of purple and gold, mixed together in perfect harmony, and I refused to shy away... And neither did Twilight.
It was... Blissful.
And when my eyes opened, I was staring into half-closed lids, purple eyes staring at me lovingly, a golden hue encompassing our connected hoofs. But I was more focused on the eyes and smile of the most beautiful mare I have ever had the fortune to encounter.
And the shared affection was gestured even more, with our foreheads gently leaning against one another... And I was grateful her horn wasn't low enough to poke me in the eye. That'd ruin the moment.
Now, what did ruin it was Twilight remembering an event from a certain episode I would rather like to avoid, both for her and Spike's sakes.
Don't fool yourself, boy, you just wish to lay into the Princesses some more.
Okay, fine, you got me. Yes, I do want to make a point to Celestia about actually DOING something instead of sitting on her flank. But hopefully it wouldn't come to that.
"How could I procrastinate so long?!" Twilight said in panic.
"Now love, I'm sure it'll work out perfectly fi..."
"We need to get to Canterlot immediately."
Did you really think that would work?
No, but it was worth a shot.
"Shall I get Spike?" I spoke up, might as well help as much as I can, considering my girlfriend was about to run herself into the ground.
"Yes," Twilight responded. "Do that. I'll pack a few things and we'll be off to the train station post haste."
She dashed away with a speed I could swear rival Pinkie's.
This is going to be a long three days.
Later
As the train pulled in to the capital city of Equestria, Twilight wasted no time in making a B-line for the castle.
It was there that I was met with a sight I haven't seen in quite some time.
"Well if it isn't Starduat Balance. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."
I turned around to find the Princess of Love herself.
"Cadance," I greeted enthusiastically.
I trotted over to the royal and embraced her. An action that she reciprocated.
"Twilight told me of your return in her letters, though I much prefer face-to-face meetings as opposed to those. In any case, it's great to see you Stardust, especially here no less."
"Don't get used to it. I'm only here so Spike doesn't make an [BEEP] of himself."
Is that the only reason?
Yes, it is, now do me a favor and shut it.
"What do you mean?" The Princess of Love asked curiously.
"Have you seen Twilight yet?"
"No, I can't say that I have."
"Well, let's just say that preparing for this summit is going to take a lot out of her." It was then that I realized the absence of a certain sibling to my girlfriend. "Where's Shining, by the way?"
"Oh, he's back in the Crystal Empire," Cadance answered. "Someone needs to look after it, after all."
Or because she can't seem to take him anywhere since a certain wedding. I swear, that stallion is a disgrace to the great line of Crystal rulers that were strict, stern...
As Sombra continued to rattle on about Shining's "ineptitude," I refocused on my conversation with Cadance.
"I see. Say, do you think you can help me out with something."
"Anything for the savior of the Crystal Empire."
"Well, it's actually three things."
Three Days Later
"Welcome to the Grand Equestria Pony Summit!" The Princess of the Moon welcomed as I stood among the crowd of ponies, Spike at my side.
"You delegates have traveled far and wide to represent your cities as we seek to celebrate and learn from all the unique places that make up our wonderful land of Equestria. At tonight's welcome reception, Princess Cadance will dedicate this beautiful friendship statue made up of gemstones from each of your home cities," Celestia said.
Oohs and ahhs came from the crowd around me. Except, of course, for myself and Spike, who licked his lips. Being the responsible big bro that I am, I gave him a slight shove and a shake of the head to deter him from doing something stupid.
"Now I'd like to turn things over to the one who organized the summit: Princess Twilight Sparkle!" And after that, Celestia leaves for the rest of the episode doing Faust-knows-what.
At least Shining Armor had a logical reason for being absent, but do we get anything for these two beyond this moment? Nope.
I expect this kind of thing from Celestia, but not from Luna.
Anyway, this would be the first time I would be seeing my girlfriend since we arrived in Canterlot three days ago. Even I knew better than to interrupt her when she is in, what I like to call, her "Planning Mode."
My wonderful mare of a girlfriend stepped forward to give her speech and whoooooooa.
Good Lord, bag check for Twilight's eyes.
I don't know which is more insufferable, your mushy relationship with that mare or your jokes.
What's wrong with my jokes? I mean, sure, most of them are pop culture references, but hey, if Robin Williams can do it, so can I. May he rest in peace.
"Thank you, everypony. With delegates from over fifty cities attending three days of conferences, receptions, and meetings," Only Twilight would put so much effort into what can only be described as the pony equivalent of a U.N. gathering. "...this is the largest Grand Equestria Pony Summit yet. And let me tell you, putting it all together has led to more than one sleepless night. We're so excited to have you here and to learn more about life all across this great land of ours," Twilight spoke.
Great speech, love, but was it really necessary to pull three consecutive all-nighters to put all this together? Couldn't the other Princesses have pitched in? In fact, why didn't I ask Cadence to help her? Idiot!
You just want to protect your little Princess from being disturbed while she innocently slumbers. Admit it.
Don't you have a card game to get back to?
Yes, I would much like it if you ceased with your commentary and paid attention to the game.
Dense.
[BEEP]hole.
"So, is the ONLY reason you're here to unveil that statue?" I asked as Cadance and I walked to Twilight's tower-top quarters to inform Spike of the plan for the next few hours.
"Well, for that portion of the summit, yes," Cadance responded. "Other than that, the conference really entails many meetings and formalities that, while necessary, can be rather cumbersome from time to time."
"Is that why you're here instead of your husband?" I jabbed.
"You know him too well."
We made our way to the top of the tower. Cadance was about to swing open the door, before I stopped and motioned to allow myself to do it. Don't what Spike getting hit by another door.
I cracked the door open slightly.
"Spike." Unfortunately, the sudden noise seemed to startle Spike, for some reason, causing the dragon, and a pile of books, to tumble to the ground.
"Yes?" Spike responded, slightly dazed from the fall.
"It's Cadance and Stardust, would you mind getting out of the way of the door? I wouldn't want to find out what a dragon pancake looks like."
Spike immediately got out of the way of the door before I opened it all the way and entered the room, the Princess of Love right behind me.
"What's going on, bro?" Spike asked as Cadance shut the door.
"How would you like to spend the day about Canterlot with Cadance today?" I asked.
"Really? What's the occasion?" Spike asked. His answer came in the form of the door opening and a barely conscious Twilight stumbling in.
"Whoa, what happened to you?" Spike asked.
The Princess of Friendship groaned in exhaustion. "I'm sorry, Spike. I just..." she yawned. "...need a quick... nap. Napkin! Tell the delegates I'll..." She trailed off as she collapsed onto the pile of books that fell, along with Spike, earlier.
If I had a camera, this would be a hilarious photo-op.
"That is the occasion. I need to look after Mrs. Stay-up-all-night-to-prepare-for-a-conference-without-any-additonal-help-whatsoever, and it would be a bit more of a comfort if you had something to amuse yourself with while me and Twlight are indisposed," I explained. "Think of it as you being Cadance's number one assistant for the day."
"Are you sure you don't want my help here?" Spike asked.
"It's not that I don't want you too," I said, trying to be tactful. "I just think you're better suited to help Cadence today, isn't that right?"
"Indeed," Cadance agreed. "I am going to need some extra assistance today, and with Shining back in the Crystal Empire, you're the perfect dragon for the job. Will you help me, Spike?"
She's going to make a great mom.
"Alright then! See ya later, Stardust!" Spike said as he opened the door and rushed out, eager to see what Cadence needs him to do.
"Thanks again for doing this, Cadance," I said, approaching my girlfriend.
"No problem. Just make sure she isn't disturbed. She'll never be able to attend the welcome reception in this condition," Cadance reminded.
"Why do you think I asked you to cast a silence spell on the place?" I countered. "Oh, and make sure you handle all of Twilight's afternoon meetings too."
"Fair point, and don't worry, I will."
"Princess Cadance!" Spike called from down below.
"I have to go. Good luck, Stardust."
"You can count on me," I saluted as she shut the door to meet up with Spike.
I approached my girlfriend.
"Love?" I whispered.
"Mmmmm?" Twilight hummed, most likely half-asleep.
"As much as I'd know you'd like to sleep on a pile of books, wouldn't your bed be much more fitting?"
"Mmmmmhmmmm," Twilight hummed in affirmation.
"Alright, take my hoof then," I put my front right hoof on her front left one, letting her grab onto me. Seriously, how does grabbing things with hooves work in this world? Whatever, just go with it.
My girlfriend managed to get herself up, despite her half-asleep state, and began her trek to her bed, with assistance and encouragement from me of course.
"That's it," I whispered in an encouraging tone. "Come on... you got this... almost there... here we are."
I put Twilight's hoof on the bed spread and she climbed into it. I may have had to adjust the blanket slightly, but other than that, it went smoothly.
"Better?" I whispered.
"Mmmmmhmmmm," my girlfriend hummed sleepily.
I planted a quick kiss on her cheek. "Sleep tight, love. I'll be right outside if you need anything."
"Night Jack," she barely managed to get out before she started snoring.
Hup, two, three, four, no one's getting in this door. Five, six, seven, eight, gonna ask Cindy Crawford for a date.
Who is this Cindy Crawford?
Oh for the love of.... you watched the show with me, Sombra, I think you know exactly what I'm referencing.
Oh, I know what you're referencing. I loved watching those mice try to conquer the world, though their methods could use some work. I just simply realized I hadn't a clue of the person THEY were referencing.
Ugh. Sombra, are you pondering what I'm pondering?
I think so, boy, but balancing a family and a career ... ooh, it's all too much for me.
I mentally facepalmed.
I told you it was a mistake to watch that with him.
Well look who decided to show up. How'd the card game go by the way?
I won.
Barely.
I smiled slightly at the two voices in my head bickering… and I'm going to ignore how insane that makes me sound.
"Princess Spike" wasn't exactly my favorite episode, seeing as how Spike was acting like a greedy [BEEP]hole and the Canterlot ponies were being stuck-up rude little [BEEP]s, so par for the course there. At least with me around, not only is it guaranteed that Twilight will sleep in peace, but Spike gets to have a nice day with the mare that could possibly be considered his aunt.
What did I tell you?
Alright, alright, you were right. What do you want, a cookie?
No. The sound of you admitting I was right is all I need.
[BEEP] you.
Before Sombra had the chance to retort, I heard arguing coming up the stairs. Oh, right, these two.
"...Oh, lemme tell you somethin', alright? I worked forever on this speech, and I know I have more."
"May I help you," I forced myself to say, wanting to be at least the slightest bit polite before I shoo these ponies away like an old man shooing kids off his lawn.
"My friend here, the distinguished pony from up Manehattan, and I are in a bit of a pickle, and we need the Princess Twilight to resolve it," One said.
"Well, the Princess is currently indisposed at the moment, so if you could please just come back later, then that would be nice."
"Oh, sure now, gosh, I wish we could but, uh, we're both supposed to give speeches about our local economies in five minutes, and we've been booked in the same hall!" The same pony said.
"I had the room first," the other countered. "And let's be honest, my speech is more important."
Easy, Jack. It's almost over.
You try listening to these [BEEP]s.
"Point of order there, sir, but I think you'll find that my speech is the more important one, don't'cha know?" one replied.
"Look, youse is gonna have a lot of unhappy delegates on your hooves unless we get a ruling from Princess Twilight right now!" the other said.
Okay, that's it.
"Like I said, the Princess is indisposed at the moment. If this conflict is oh so important to you two, then take it up with Princess Cadance," I'm going to have to apologize to her for this later. "Princess Twilight needs her rest, and she won't be able to get it of ponies like you two keep bothering her every second of the day."
The two looked between each other for a moment.
"But Princess Twilight is the Princess of Friendship..."
And that did it.
"I don't [BEEP]ing care if she's the Princess of Friendship," I laid into, trying to remain as calm as possible. "How would you like it if somepony woke you up from your nap just to ask you a measly question that you could have answered yourselves? Just share the goddamn room. Is that so hard?" I asked, my face more than likely conveying a "I'm so done with your [BEEP] right now" look.
"What do you think, Joe, should we share it?"
"I see no problem with that."
"See? Problem solved, now go. Shoo. Away with you," I said, shooing the duo off.
[BEEP]holes.
Later
Me and my big mouth.
"Combining those two talks was a disaster!" An annoyed delegate said. "The hall was overcrowded and the speakers just shouted over each other! Why would the princess have made such a decision?!"
Many other annoyed delegates began to chatter amongst themselves. This is starting to get really annoying now.
"If any of you have grievances about a way a meeting were conducted, please take it up with Princess Cadance."
"No offense, but we don't care about what some Earth Pony thinks."
Offense taken. I can't believe I have to stoop to Spike's level to get these annoying [BEEP]s to go away.
"Hold on," I grumbled as I quietly opened the tower door, went inside, quietly shoved it, waited a few seconds to put up an illusion of an exchange, then exited just as quietly.
"By order of Princess Twilight, you should take up your grievances with Princess Cadance," I am really going to need to apologize to her later.
Mrs. Fluffy Clouds, you are the next contestant on "Let's be an [BEEP]hole." Come on down.
"I was really looking forward to the "Don't Spend All Your Bits" Speech, but when I went into the hall," she teared up. Oh dear Lord. ", a pony had taken my seat. A pony who used to be my friend!"
"Your friend took your seat? Why don't you just..."
"No offense, but I don't need some random earth pony's opinion," she said. "I-I want to hear what Princess Twilight thinks."
Oh sweet Jesus, kill me.
You came close.
Not the time, Sombra.
"If you need royal opinion so badly, take it up with Princess Cadance. She's Princess of Love, and Friendship is like a platonic love, so she should be able to handle it fine," Even though you should be a bigger person and let it go. God!
"But..."
"Look, Princess Twilight is getting much needed rest right now, so either you go take up your issue with Princess Cadence, or possibly face the wrath of a Princess that hasn't gotten enough sleep. Take your pick," I said.
"Fair point, I'll go to Princess Cadance then," the mare said before pulling an about face and walking down the stairs.
"Good choice," I said to her as she descended.
I breathed a sigh of relief. Now, thanks to the silence spell, nothing else should happen that should disturb Twilight. In the episode, Spike's decisions led to a chain reaction that led to an angry mob trying to storm Twilight's tower. Sure, Spike should have told them Twilight was napping, but does that excuse the Canterlot residents for barging in to a Princess' quarters. I don't think so. Now, with Cadence dealing with Twilight's duties, the first day of the summit should play out just as it should have. Smoothly.
Hey Starswirl? Sombra?
Yes?
You called?
Want to play some "I Spy?"
As if I'd degrade myself to participating such as childish, idiotic…
I Spy with the boy's little eye... something black.
Might it be that pony walking by the tower down there?
Why did I let you talk me into this?
Because I'm very persuasive.
Bite me.
I wish I could.
The door opened behind me to find none other than my beautiful girlfriend, no doubt unaware her duties had been taken care of, and she was rushing out to complete them.
"Jack? What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since the unveiling of the statue," Twilight said.
"I take it you don't remember anything after you fell on those books?" I said as I closed the door behind her as we made our way down the tower steps.
"No. I just remember waking up in my bed after that. I haven't slept that good since I was a filly."
"Glad to hear it, love. Don't worry, I'll fill you in."
I then went on to explain my perspective on the day, from monitoring Spike, to the favor with Cadance, to everything I did to keep her from being disturbed while she slept. Needless to say, she was very grateful.
"Thank you, Jack. Maybe I just might make you my number two assistant," she joked.
"I think Spike may take that as a challenge... and Nightshade will get offended," I played along.
"Why can't you use his real name?"
"If I did, I'd lose a little bit of dignity every time I'd say it."
"Fine. Thanks again though for looking out for me," She said, giving me a peck on the cheek.
Oi vey.
As I returned from my one second journey to cloud nine, I managed to get my reply out.
"Honored to do it, love. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must be off to the station."
"You're going back home so soon? Don't you want to stay and enjoy the festivities?"
"As much as I would love to attend receptions and meetings that involve information I don't understand, I need to apologize to Cadence very quickly and get back to Ponyville. The yaks are visiting a day or two after this concludes, and I don't want you to get all "overly-preppy" and we have to do this all over again."
Twilight giggled a little in reflection.
"Alright, my warrior. I'll see you in a few days. I think I left some preliminary ideas for the yaks on the fridge."
"Yes ma'am, I'll see you in few days," I mock saluted as we both left to attend to our separate tasks.
As I boarded the train, a sigh of relief escaped my muzzle. Cadance was forgiving about the ponies I sent her way, Spike had a great day, and Twilight was well-rested for the welcome ceremony. Yep, everything's coming up Stardust.
Must you quote that show?
Must you be an [BEEP]hole?
We all know the answers to those questions.
True.
Welp, next up, the Yaks. Guess I better start drinking a lot of water... and buying some earplugs.
The train pulled out of the station in the direction of Ponyville.