A story that follows my console pone around about how it's like to live with mental health issues.
Suffering is a bunch of scrambled up descriptive writing that I wrote when I was still in high school. There's barely any character development and no story telling within it, as of this moment. Not even a plot... BUT before you click off I am planning on coming back to polish this up and work towards a plot and an interesting story because that'd be quite nice to build.
For a disclaimer, Suffering is going to include topics like:
Kidnapping. Depression and other mental health issues I have. Murder. Sex. Suicide. And more topics.
I tremble to the floor, my legs separated from my brain as they weaken rapidly as time strolls by. I try to gain a grasp of reality which humiliates me as I free fall to the ground, face first. Muzzle first in this case.
Moments pass and I’m sure they were years. My mental state switches close to a light-switch from the local friendly Pegasus to a force to be reckoned with, screams transitions into those of intense agony to screams of laughter. Laughter that makes my stomach twist inside-out due to the amount of pressure is applied during these moments. My red eyes that once were filled with love, and kindness, has now completely been eradicated and replaced with the desire of bloodshed and torture.
I spread my six foot wings, my breathing is heavy. As if my internal organs have gained ten times their size in weight. I try to gain my vision what continuously focuses in then out again, like a broken camera lens. Soon I gain my bearings and I begin to rise up using my legs that slowly begin to respond. Inching my mouth open, my k-nines are revealed as a pair of sharp Katana blades as they see the light of day once again. That could impale and slice through their victims like cutting slightly melted butter. I crouch into a low position, you know what animal predators do.
My; reaction time is that of a god, movement slick and light as carbon fiber, fast as a McLaren P1. All is silent, my hearing is sublime and also in this state I can hear conversations upon the horizon. I could also sense anything within 200 feet via vibrations and soundwaves. And last and not least, my new strength convents me from this; weak, pathetic little pony into this underwhelming immortal being.
Not long after, I sense ‘hoofsteps’ coming towards my front door, followed by a knocking... Then a familiar female voice radiated through the wooden object.
I stand there in shock, Paralyzed with fear. As time mentally decreases in momentum, I begin to snap back to reality. Life to my soul is revived and light find it’s way into my eyes, the static voices in my mind seem to disconnect themselves from the empty minded being that I am. A moment of shivering passes. Now I’m good as new, it feels spectacular to be myself again.
The door opened with care as I glanced back, the blue mare with that gorgeous brown mane, and those diamond blue eyes locked onto mine as I got caught up into her dreamy gaze.
Now, the information on who nor what I was is classified. Better yet, Unknown...
Upon the corrupted town of Ponyville, I knew this lass, she was quite attractive type; nice, blue, slim, smooth body, glamorous diamond blue eyes reflecting realities darkest secrets, delicious brown chocolate mane swiftly miming the airs characteristics, and her elegance puts Marilyn Monroe to shame.
I really liked her, I loved her. I really... Really loved her. As a matter of fact I still to this day love her as our marriage stays sailing on this emotion driven story that is our life. The only problem was back then was... She was taken, taken by this... This monster!! He is the devils son I swear too Celestia he is! The brutality when he beats up students, makes my skin crawl with electricity and anger... Well this is how I got the love of my life, my personal Crystal Heart.
The date is the 21st of September, it was lunch time, probably around 20 minutes left, that’s an estimate, she was located at her locker with a with a couple of her friends. I’m nervous, silently shacking trying to build confidence, hey this is my first time okay? Leave me be... Anyway, this is also the perfect time to talk to her since... He’s not around at the moment.
Her two friends exit the area leaving her there, I waste no time in approaching my goddess I see in my humble dreams. But suddenly I hear voices from the ‘lads’ distantly among the double doors behind me, because of this I become paralyzed with fear, the thought of being caught talking to her is a death sentence, as this happens I look at her from a far and she looked at me, she smiles at me and I smile back. The sight of her looking at me with that eye catching smile creates this feeling within me to grow larger.
“I need this mare in my life, I just can't imagine a better life without her” I note within my head.
As I proceed to retreat to the safety of my friends, it’s too late. I turn around to see the complete poler opposite of a decent looking creature, it’s him... And the ponies who well... Doesn't like me as much. Her so called “lover” had; short scruffy blond hair, a white, hench body type and vile green eyes.
“You’re not thinking about talking to her are you?” he says with a large dose of hatred.
“What? No of course not why would I do that? heh heh..” I nervously state in a blind panic.
Time slips past like a Sunday afternoon, the stench of his BO and the past snacks that he has endured within the past hour increased the probability of me vomiting right there and then as that familiar burning sensation ignites an inferno within the back of my throat, added with the vile taste of Black Liquorish. It would be an understatement that his decisive behavior has put me on edge.
Shortly after I become extremely uncomfortable as Lucifer’s obese yet muscular son with his; deformed, hench body guards shroud me encouraging me to go paranoid. My heart is beating at least two hundred beats per minute, I feel like I’m about to enter cardiac arrest or at least pass out, I become light headed and extremely sick, also feeling astro a little. Seconds transition into minutes and that inferno isn't being put out anytime soon as I scamper out from the; dingy, claustrophobic engagement, my legs tremble as I attempt to sprint for safety coursing me to collapse, onto my face, adrenaline sailing my vein and blood streams at high speeds, I cough with aggression upon impact due to the inferno in my throat before I lay there on the floor in pain, I turn around on my back as my vision focuses out and is only a blur.
Not long after, all I can make out before me is a figure with long brown hair and what I could make out had a slim blue coat, like the mare I love, looking down upon me, my heart begins to calm down as my lifeless body lay’s limp before her. My hearing begins to decrease in volume and I feel numb, I slowly close my eyes and when all is black and I can’t feel anything nor hear anything, I get caught up into an endless nightmare.
I'm your normal male Pegasus who just wants to live his life in peace, I just want to settle down with my wife and not worry about anything that happens in our daily lives. For me... That’s a rather profound task, so simple yet littered with complex paths with cryptic endings.
When I was a; young, bright colt I used to get physically beaten up a lot by family members and students at school, however, this was mostly psychological. This led to my anxiety around others and why I can get extremely uncomfortable and nervous upon being around other ponies. This, as you could imagine, also played an integral role in my depression. The constant barrage of; insults, pranks that went too far and dehumanizing - well, deponizing comments just sent me into a whole world of fright. It didn't help where my alcoholic mother just told me to "grow up" and did next-to-nothing in an attempt to help me. I was always thrown aside and forced to eat the dirt while my abusive dad and entitled brother just laughed an me.
Anyway, this also was the source for many aggressive events that later occurred upon school grounds. I was shortly kicked out of that school due ‘Misbehaviour in the corridor’. By kicked I mean 'was-given-detention-but-never-turned-up-to-detention nor-school-the-following-months'. I was deemed missing shortly after this incident. My memory of this day is hazy, to put it best. All I can recall now that I think of it is I was about to talk to my two year crush, Vapour. Light blue body, large brown mane that drops down her face as some goddess, two-toned, wings with the colour of white to accommodate the contrast from her stunning blue body to her white little highlights sprinkled across all four of her hooves. Her eyes, crystal cyan. I say crystal cyan because from a distance they sparkle in the sun. Its so attractive.
So, I started approaching Vapour, who's located by her locker putting what I think were books an till this bodybuilder looking motherfucker, strolls up with his partners-in-crime, proceeded chatting Vapour up, but he soon got a bit forceful and it was clear that Vapour was super uncomfortable that this large fella, who probably was jacked up on steroids and who smelt like he hasn't had a shower in a good minute, towering over her, meanwhile, trying to seduce her in the middle of a hallway, in school. He had screws missing that's for sure. Now as I mentioned earlier by "My memory of this day is hazy" because what happens next, its all for speculation. But I'm fairly confident that what happens next is I intervened in an attempt of being the hero and rescue Vapour from this; vile, disgusting creature that was forcing himself onto her.
From this point on my memory goes blank, probably that fuckers stench that knocked me out. He had a reputation with coursing ponies to pass-out in the middle of class. If you ask me I would of had him removed from the school an till he had at least a nice shower."
