Two Strategists, Bad Intell., and ponies are in a bad light. *Warning*: Anthromorphic fiction.
Two Human Strategists are tricked by Discord and later Nightmare Moon, to wage war on the Princesses on the side of the oppressed. (Changelings, Diamond Dogs etc.) All of Equestria is put in a bad light, and to make matters worse Equestria is divided in a Civil War.
Can the two strategists discover the truth in time and stop a warring nation from being destroyed, or will they tear Equestria apart and proceed to put the darkest creatures at the top of the food chain.
A/N: This is an Anthromorphic story, and Is set in a forced SE vs. NLR situation.
Characters will be added as they appear, as well as tags.
“But why? Why do we need the help of such lowly beings as them?”
“Ooh missy, what’s the hurt in getting some new entertainment?”
“They are weak and untrustworthy beings!”
“Oh really? I’m untrustworthy, you know that much. I love to cause trouble just as much as you want to crush her! So what’s the harm in adding a few more to the mix? Who knows, they may just surprise you.”
“Argh! Fine, but how exactly to you plan on persuading them to aid us?”
“Oh..ho..ho littl’ missy’, now that there’s a darn tootin’ grand question if you ask me!”
“…”
“Oh come now, it won’t take much to persuade these rascals to give us a…”
“…”
“Oh…oh well fine! You’re no fun anyway!”
{------------------------------------------}
“TAKE COVER!”
BOOM
“Gah’dammit! Sergeant put some fire those positions!”
“I can’t sir, they’ve got me an’ my men pinned down! We can’t crest the hill without bein’ torn to shreds!”
“Dammit! Corporal, where in the ‘ell is our artillery?!”
“I’m try’n to raise them sir, but I’m not getting any response!”
“Well try every damn frequency you can get, I want a direct line between us and the…”
“Sir! I got Command on the horn, but they say that the General’s not there!”
“Patch ‘em through to my set would you? I’ll figure out where he’s gone.”
“Captain are you there? This is First Lt. Dare on watch for your station.”
“Lieutenant, would you mind telling me where the ‘ell Mike went off to this time?”
“I have no idea sir! He just up and left after giving the order to hold your positions! Our artillery and 1st through 3rd Tank divisions disappeared with him!”
“What the fuck do you mean disappeared?”
“They’re completely of the grid sir. We can’t raise ‘em anywhere an’ their IFF’s aren’t anywhere on the screen!”
“Sir! We’ve got Heli’s inbound!”
“Then get those .50’s up! Damn, I hope those pendejos know what they’re doin’.”
“What was that Captain?”
“Nothing Sergeant…why in God’s everlasting fury are those choppers still in the air!”
{-----------------------}
General Michael
Current strategist for the ISSC
‘Ahhh…the sun, the sky, and the smell of napalm in the morning…don’t you just love it?’
“Sir! We’re nearing the coordinates! What are your orders?”
So much for my in battle nap…
“Set up the ‘Tonics at the beacon, and have the armor spread out over the ridge.”
I jumped up off the turret of the M1A3 Abrams tank that I was currently cloud-watching on, and rapped on the driver’s port.
“Stop here and wait for orders!”
He just cracked open the hatch a bit and gave me the bird, smiling as he passed on the orders to his waiting crew. I kindly returned the favor as I walked towards an approaching UCP T-99 (MBTv.)
“Oi! You gonna lounge around all day, or are you going to kick some ass today?”
The overhead hatch popped open and a helmeted head poked out.
“Nope I’m just waitin’ for you to get your skinny ass out of the way.”
“Nah…cause you see, you’re actually in my way,” I retort pointing to a trailer about 50 yds. behind him.
“Hmm…so it seems that we are at an impasse tovarishch.”
I shook my head and kept on walking towards the trailer as I pointed him towards a staggered line of several types of tanks, ranging from the M1A1 Abrams to the T-90.
“Ok let’s stop screwing around; we’ve got a war to win Adrian.”
“Correct comrade, just allow me to…”
“Oh can it you Russo obsessed bastard, I need your Pancho Villa style right now.”
“Ahh ... viva la revolución,” he shouted pumping his fist in the air.
“Ok maybe not that mu…you know what never mind,” I smiled as I pointed out several open spaces in the line, “Pick a spot and give it all you got. It’s our last fight so we should have some fun.”
Adrian didn’t bother to respond as he shut the hatch and the tank moved away. I continued my brisk jog towards the camouflaged trailer and the giant patch of greenery that it was parked next to. Coming up to the trailer I rapped against its side with my knuckles and took a few steps back as it opened to reveal a fully loaded F-35.
I couldn’t help but smile as I donned the flight suit and strapped myself in. There’s nothing like the prebattle thrill you get in your belly when you can sense the impending destruction. I turned on the main flight comms, opened a channel, and watched as my radar became filled with green blips that were right behind me. Before latching the final buckle, I turned to get a good over my shoulder as the lush greenery that once stood behind the trailer dissolved away into piles of camouflage netting, revealing eight F-35’s and seven Harriers. All of them armed to the teeth and spinning up their engines just waiting for the fighting to start.
Using my helmet’s imaging system, I brought up a 3-D map of the battlefield which quickly displayed my side’s current situation. I had originally placed Captain Richard in command of our forward forces and gave the Command Center’s crew some simple orders to follow. As expected the Captain had taken the middle town of the battlefield, and true to his thickheaded nature, held the town with minimal casualties, as well as distracting the enemy. I quickly turned over to his channel and could hear the chaos of his precarious situation.
He was currently pinned down with no hope of retreat or advance, but in a relatively safe position. Besides that, he had the enemy distracted, and in the worst position that they could possibly be. As the Captain still held control of the town, the enemy had no choice but to hole up in the adjacent forest and plain. That gives me the opportunity I need to ambush them from the East with an armored charge and an aerial bombardment. Other than not bombing them to hell with artillery, I just really wanted to expend all the napalm that we had in our stores. After all, what good is a 1000 pound bomb if it has no explosives?
“Okay, is everyone ready?”
“HOO-RAH!”
Dammit…really should have toned down the volume on this headset.
“Adrian?”
“Da?”
“Charge when ready…”
“Thought you’d never ask…”
I could hear the pure glee in his voice as he gave orders to the surrounding vehicles.
“Remember to turn on your IFF’s when you reach speed,” I reminded him. Technically speaking, turning off your IFF is illegal in the rules of war, but if you go into the fine print, it actually says that you cannot attack without an IFF, but moving around without one is perfectly fine.
“Catch you in the rec. room later Mike?”
“Only if we win Adrian, only if we win.”
“Heh, if we lose it’ll be a miracle, and what I would give to see the other team’s faces when nearly a hundred enemy IFF’s pop up out of nowhere on their unprotected flank.”
“Well that’s what they get for being cocky, tovarishch.”
“Oh well, just remember to keep out of the fireworks as you surround them.”
“Can I do the honors?”
“Sure why not…”
“MEN! OPEN FIRE!”
(------------------------------------)
Argh! Damn this process is never painless is it?
I opened my eyes to see a sheet of black glass reflecting the image of my eyes. I reached up to tear off the simu-goggles and headset when I suddenly rammed my head into the ceiling of the simu-pod as the sharp pain of a leg cramp made me kick the bottom.
Tap…tap…tap
“You ok in there buddy?”
It took me few seconds to recognize the voice and the lid sprung open and I tumbled out.
“Bah…Adiran the hell are you doing dropping me out like that? You know I hate the taste of the floor.”
He gave me a puzzled look, “Don’t know man, it sounded like you were in pain there.”
I glared back at him, “It was just a leg cramp and an involuntary reflex to jump.”
I stood up and slowly limped over to the nearby lockers, quickly changing out of the simu-suit, and into a pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt. I felt a tapping on my shoulder as I closed my locker and found a sheet of paper thrust into my face.
“Here are the results of the battle.”
I shut my eyes faster that a light-machine gun could cycle its charging handle. I wasn’t about to read the results of the battle when I could just as easily predict our score from my mental list of Friendly Deaths and Enemy Kills.
“Nope, I’m not going to look at it.”
“Oh come on man, it was our last game of the year, could you at least give your brain some down time?”
“No can do matey, if it’s not a challenge then I won’t have any fun.”
“Dammit,” cursed Adrian under his breath, “Okay then, let’s see just how accurate you…”
“101,497”
“What!”
“101,497”
“Damn how’d you know man, you’ve gotta tell me your secret.”
I smiled as I led Adrian out of the Simu-Barracks, as we called ‘em, and into the adjacent rec. room. If I knew my guys at all, then I could guess that as soon as I walked through the door I would get the traditional Congratulations, so instead I pushed Adrian through first and shut the door behind him.
SPLASH
“WHOO…”
“Dammit Mike get your ass in here so we can pie you!”
I laughed before opening the door a hair to see if I could get any intel on the situation before being surprised. But lo’ and behold the second I unlocked the door, it was yanked open and I took an apple pie to the face.
The ensuing party for the winners of the 50th annual Inter School Simulation Championship was beyond words. I had nothing to compare it to because it was so unlike what I had heard about it. The rowdiness of almost a thousand high school guys and girls was completely on the opposite pole of the quietly seated ceremony type deal that I had heard about, and besides that, we usually had parties in a Simulation room so no one was sick.
But it wasn’t ‘till the end of the party, and the extremely quick victors ceremony which resulted in a plaque and a medal to all the exceptional commanders, that things really got interesting.
“Oi Michael!”
I turned around in circles, nearly slipping on a patch of spilled soda, to find the source the voice, only to be confronted by 19 year old Captain Samuel Richards, or Rich.
“That was one hell of a stunt you pulled out there,” he said before pulling me over to a corner, “If you hadn’t had the decoys in place we would have been overrun for sure.”
I opened my mouth to reply when he shook his head and pointed towards the main doors.
“That reminds me, there’s and official called Mr. D. here to see you.”
This I raised my eyebrow to, it wasn’t everyday that a War Game official approached a student personally, usually it was a public reward, or an attempt to offer sponsorship. I myself was almost famous for turning down sponsorships, because I had single handedly brought my school’s WG economy from almost rock bottom to one of the highest in the country.
I had managed small simu-businesses in my freshmen year, then advanced to a fully fledged corporation by the end of my sophomore year, where I was invited to manage the school’s War Game Military during the summer. From there I made quick advancements through the ranks and I was soon leading small forces into…actually before I continue I should probably explain War Games shouldn’t I?
{--------------------------------}
The War Games are a way to manage school and city rivalries and to control school funding. The War Games Rank of a school determines what amount of extra funding the school would be granted for its equipment and curriculum. It starts at the high school level and continues through college and even to the political level. Should there be a dispute between countries a War Games tournament can be held to solve the dispute, but sometimes the campaigns would last longer than the official negotiations.
There are some major points to WG as well. The whole system is run from a simulated world where people hook up in Simu-pods and gain full body control of their avatars. If someone wishes to go into the military, they start out in WG, if someone wishes to become a mechanic, they start out in WG, if someone wants to manage a business, they start out in WG. The digital world is so realistic that what you do in it becomes almost a sort of muscle memory, but there is no substitute to real exercise.
So one of the restrictions is that your Simu-Character will match your real self, if you are fat, if you’re athletic it will have an effect. The only exception is when a person is crippled. They regain movement and it’s become so, that you can manage your entire livelihood from a simu-character, but you have to manage with some restriction, which I will not go into detail because there are too many.
{-------------------------------------}
I left the Captain to his own devices as he celebrated his last War Games, and quickly walked to the door before I became to target of any remaining pies. Though upon passing through the door I froze from the sight of Adrian being there as well. He is one of my closest friends and occasionally switched between active roles as a tank commander and a fellow strategist.
“Hey Michael, he called for you too.”
“Yeah,” I pulled him off to one side, “What exactly do you know about this guy?”
“Not much really, all I’ve been told is that he wants to ask us some things.”
“Yeah well, we’ll see about that.”
*Cough*
“If I may make your acquaintances good sirs?”
I stared at this Mr. D and took in his appearance for the first time. He was wearing a black and white checkered suit and had a top hat along with a cane. Though the things that popped out the most about him, was that he had an accent that sounded like he came from 18th century England. Oh…and the fact that he had almost bleached white hair was not to be missed.
“What exactly are you here for Mr…”
“Discord please…call me Discord, or Mr. D. if it so suits you.”
I turned to Adrian and I could tell he was thinking the same thing.
This guy is a loon.
“Oh!”
I ignored the funny-looking man as I glanced sideways at Adrian. We'd known each other for years, so we could technically hold a conversation with subtle movements of our eyes, shoulders, hands, or even sighs... Yeah, loud as we may seem sometimes we really were getting too good at talking without speaking.
“I would like your assistance in…”
Well what do you think?
We should at least hear the poor guy out.
Why?
“I am willing pay a great amount of precious metals and gems in return for…”
From the sounds of it there’s a good sum of money involved.
No! Remember the last time we had a sponsor? He nearly made us forfeit a match as one of his conditions.
Yeah, then you tricked him out of the money and got him fired.
It was a deliberate sabotage attempt by another school. It was in clear violation of the rules!
“You see, my subjects have been enslaved, and subject to a great amount of discrimination by the ruling population of…
Wait a sec, did he just say slavery?
“This land resides in an alternate dimension on another planet, and seeing your skills I would like to hire you two on for…”
Yep, and I’m pretty sure he also said another dimension.
Is this guy on drugs or what?
“Please…we desperately in need of assistance. It is only because we are different in form that we have become outcasts…”
Actually the question shouldn’t be whether or not he’s on drugs, but whether or not he’s talking about the War Games in the first place.
“The two main factions of our land are currently at war as the two royals compete for dominance over the land…”
Okay fine let’s figure out if he’s sober first, and then let’s listen to his conversation completely.
“Um..excuse me?”
We both turned our attention back to him as he glanced between us with an annoyed look.
“Were you two even listening to a single thing I said?”
“Yes sir we were, now if you would like we could take this conversation elsewhere.”
“Oh…yes of course.”
Hey, I'm not saying I believe him, but would you really give up the chance to travel to another world?
Nope...but then again, if we're going to get involved in a real war, then we need to have all the facts.
Oh well...but if what he says is true then it'll be worth it in the end.
Heh...then we can be considered mercenaries huh?
Hey! I prefer liberators.
If we're getting paid, then its the same damn thing! Besides something doesn't sound right.
Yeah, if he's on the oppressed faction, then how in the hell can he have enough money?
I don't know...to the victors go the spoils 'eh?
...So he might not have the money?
Let's just hear him out, and if he's not the level we can always report him.
And if he is telling the truth and we not anywhere near home?
The swirling multicolored vortex that was our time/dimension traveling tunnel was quickly coming to an end. I couldn’t see Adrian but I could hear him cursing behind me, and as for the damn bastard that I decided to follow… well he was nowhere in sight.
“What kind of shit have we gotten ourselves into?” I called to him.
“Don’t know tovarisch, but the faster we get there and out of this trippy tunnel the better.”
“And they’d better have some good food waiting for us.”
I rolled my eyes and felt myself slowing as the swirling colors seemed to end not far in front of us. I sincerely hoped that wherever we were dropping into had some good human edible food, else Adrian was going to go on a rampage. To make matters worse that crazed genetic science experiment of a god said that we wouldn't be able to bring much with us, just what we could carry.
*Thunk*
I felt my feet land on a nonexistent floor only about 6 feet from the exit. It seemed to be composed of a swirling dark mass of unfocused images, like we were trying to look through a fogged up mirror with several splatters of paint.
I heard some shuffling next to me and turned my head slightly so I could make eye contact with Adrian.
“Okay let’s pool what info we got so far,” I started as I turned to face him.
Glancing between me and the portal he started to pop his joints from his hands to his back.
“Well,” he started looking thoughtfully into the distance, “From the info we got from that mutant horse-zebra-dragon thing I can infer that we’re going to a world where there is no major tech, that combined with fact that the inhabitants are not human, and that the country is in a state of a major civil war.”
I just stared at him, “Mouthful wasn’t it?”
He just looked at me and shrugged a stoic expression on his face.
That’s supposed to be my job.
He took a deep breath to continue like he was trying to aggravate me, “I’d guess that we won’t get a warm welcome.”
I nodded, already agreeing with his assumption. Although the information that we were given was extremely poor, we could still gleam some helpful insights into how the area and its inhabitants worked.
Either they didn’t want help, especially from outsiders, but are woefully incompetent at waging war against the two greatest powers of the country… or they want help but are still woefully incompetent and hate outsiders.
According to Adrian, my way of thinking doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, but it doesn’t have to make sense to other people, it only has to work my opponents into inescapable corners.
“Hey!”
I jumped and brought my arm up to deflect the incoming slap.
He looked at me quizzically, “You were dosing off there for a ‘sec.”
I shook my head trying to clear my head.
“Just a bit tense while excited,” I explained, “I’m glad you convinced me to take the out-of-sim training courses.”
Adrian smiled and lashed out suddenly.
Again deflecting the attack with my arm, I pivoted to give him a sharp kick to the side as I pulled him off balance.
He blocked my kick, but still ended up falling on his ass.
“Good thing too, otherwise you’d be a stereotypical lanky/weak strategist.”
I gave a light chuckle as I gave him a hand off the ground.
“So bronyu odin,” I questioned him, “What’s gonna be the first thing you do once we pop out on the other side?”
He looked at me with a sly smile and started walking towards the portal.
“Dude, do you really have to ask?” Then he stepped through and disappeared.
I sighed to myself and smiled.
‘God help those poor chefs,’ I thought before stepping through myself.
{------------------------------------}
It seemed almost as if all the colors wanted to smother me as I felt myself drop onto solid ground. I heard a splash next to me, but I was still too overcome by the sense of vertigo that it didn’t register at first.
“Oh hoho hoho.”
Wait a sec’, I’ve heard that before.
I shook my head vigorously as I slowly started to get up, trying to place the sound.
Found It!
That very sound sounded almost identical to a character called 'Mole' from an old movie that I saw recently called…called…called...
Dammit what was it called again?
Rubbing my eyes I turned to find the source of the noise and saw what seemed to a man sized cast iron pot over some old coals.
Slowly the picture came to me.
A small French man burrowing his way into a large flower pot?
Atlantis The Lost Empire!
There it was, at least… I think that was the title.
Approaching the pot I made note of the shadowy shapes that were sitting at the edge of my vision along with the newly doused campfires.
Grabbing the lip of the pot I leaned over to look inside, not very surprised at what I found.
Adrian was sitting inside the pot licking his lips and patting his belly, the distinct smell of soup lingered in the air. He looked up at me his face serious and yet joking at the same time.
“Don’t judge me.”
I sighed and waved him to climb out.
“Come on mate’, we got ‘ahselves some locals tah’ meet.”
Groaning, he slowly got up and pulled himself over the lip of the pot. Landing on his feet I was surprised to see that he was completely dry.
“Adrian?”
“Da?”
“How much soup was in the pot?”
He looked at me somewhat guiltily.
“It was full.”
I could feel my mind slowing down to a snails crawl as I tried to comprehend what he had just said.
No! Stop it! It’s Adrian we’re talking about, try to find an explanation to his antics and you’ll just drive yourself mad.
I shake myself out of my confusion and turn to see Adrian staring intently at something past the campfires.
“What are you…oh?”
“Yeah...what the hell am I staring at?”
I tensed up ready for a fight.
“I don’t know but I have a nagging suspicion that we’re supposed to know.”
Adrian continued to stare down the floating eyes.
“They’re at least semi-intelligent, they aren’t looking away.”
Well that's true, but then again most things are semi-intelligent, even...NO! Adrian's pet rock is not alive!
“They could be feral; it could just be some instinct.”
“I know feral, no wild animal stares like this.”
Hmm...that would explain a few things.
“That would explain the campfires…and the soup.”
“Yep.”
“They could be feral and have eaten the campers…”
“I just said they’re not feral!”
“So maybe they’re the campers”
“And what kind of campers carry around a half-man sized pot for soup?”
“Don’t know but the sound like your kind of people.”
“Not likely, they left the soup unguarded”
“Wait didn’t we have something to do?”
“I don’t know, I never remember this kind of stuff”
“Doorway syndrome…literally”
“I’m hungry though…”
“Hmm… oh yeah! We were supposed to meet up with that thing and get our bearings”
“Ok… weren’t we supposed to be teleported into the camp though?”
“Oh crap…*whisper* I think we’ve just insulted the locals.”
Then a husky voice popped out of the darkness.
“We can hear you, you know.”
“Umm…”
Well shit...I really hope this first encounter isn't going to end up being a bloodbath.
"Are you the one’s we’ve been told to watch out for?”
Whew! I thought this was going to go...
“That depends, were you told to watch out for a serious guy and a pig?”
Goddammit Adrian! Who are you...oh...never mind.
The eyes looked at us in confusion.
“Aren’t there two of you…where’s the pig?”
"Mmmm…pig…tasty bacon”
Oh no...
“Bacon, where?” Adrian looked around intently obviously forgetting our situation in the thought of a greasy treat.
I couldn’t help but facepalm, and focused my attention on the first 'intelligent' voice that we had spoken to.
“Ignore the idiots please. Umm… let’s try this again, take me to your leader?”
One of the pairs of eyes moved out of the shadows to reveal a man with a black robe with some sort of ornamentation on his back.
No...wait, those are wings! One of the two species that we're supposed to meet have wings...what were they called again?
"Are you by chance a changeling?"
He just smiled as his body slowly glowed and writhed before settling a near perfect copy of myself...only with blunt black wings.
"Does tha' answer your question?"
The voice could do with some work though...the accent isn't quite right.
"Well okay then! What have you been told about us?"
My doppelgänger tilted his head and gave a creepy smile.
"We have been told that you will help us regain our rights and free us from this forest."
Now it was my turn to smile.
"Maybe...maybe not. It depends on what we're working with really."
The doppelgänger started to speak again, but I interrupted him quickly.
"And in order to know what I'm working with, I need to speak to the things that summoned us, so to speak."
I felt a sharp nudge in my side and I could see Adrian doing some light stretches out of the corner of my eye. He was also looking at the forest beyond our negotiator, and was tapping his foot slightly, stating that he wanted to get a look around...or maybe hijack the kitchen.
Quickly turning my attention back to the changeling I interrupted him once again.
"While I am conversing with your current leaders, my companion here will be inspecting your defenses, weapons, supplies, training, and knowledge told the surrounding area."
This time I looked around glaring at everyone of the floating eyes that I could make eye-contact with, daring them to challenge me. To my surprise, I was not attacked and beaten mercilessly, instead a werewol...(weredog?) type being stepped out of the darkness and bowed to us.
"You have sharp tongues and are much different from the pony-folk."
I shared a quick glance with Adrian.
Pony-folk? Are they our enemies? They don't sound dangerous, in fact the name is almost ironic for our situation.
Adrian just shrugged and tapped his temple indicating that he knew I was making mental notes and that he'd want to hear them later.
"You have even shown a liking to our game stew and reacted well to the mention of the sacred meal known as bacon..."
Okay, so far so goo...did he just say sacred meal of bacon? Oh Adrian's going to have a field day whenever they decide to have this 'sacred' meal. I just hope he doesn't go and ruin our relations with our new friends.
Adrian’s P.O.V.
As Michael left to meet with the leaders of these…things, I decided to have a look around.
What I saw amazed me.
Even though I knew they were primitive and relatively new to the concept of warfare, I’d seen more advanced defenses in history books of African tribal warfare!
But it would do for a camp, the surrounding forest was dark , ominous and eerily reminiscent of a stereotypical story book evil, and besides, the opposing forces were not very advanced in offensive tactics anyway, they would more likely charge in and make our primitive defenses effective than find a way around them and use strategy.
As I stood there pondering all possible ways of maximizing our defenses with what limited resources we had, a familiar odor assailed my nose. I couldn’t believe it, I had tasted it during my little run-in with the soup pot earlier but I blew it off as wishful tasting.
I kept my composure and followed the scent to a tent I correctly assumed to be the kitchen. I found the one that appeared to be in charge and brought him to attention,
“Hey you, cook, where do you keep the store of portobellos?”
It looked at me with questioning eyes,
“Store of what sir? I believe you name something that we don’t have in this kitchen,”
He said chuckling a bit mockingly.*sniff sniff*
I gripped the creature’s throat and lifted it off the ground,
“My nose tells no lies dumbass, WHERE ARE THE MUSHROOMS!!”
As I threw it across the tent, I heard the creak of a wooden board. I smiled as I took the boards from their place.
“I apologize cook, these seem to be different from anything I’ve ever seen before,”
I picked the shrooms from their place and placed them in a large pot on the stove.
“Ah the smell of cooking deliciousness, I can’t believe it’s been over an hour since I’ve had one of these.”
I dug around what was left of the kitchen, filled a waterskin with the cooked mushrooms, and stuffed a bag with over half of their stock.
“Ok now to make the most of those defenses.”
The wooden palisades looked to be from whatever random trees that grew around the forest in no choosing process whatsoever, their cannons though, were surprisingly beautifully crafted and seemed eerily similar to the best cannons of late 18th century Eastern Europe, even though they were merely 6 pounders, I had heard of much larger places being defended with no artillery at all.
A lone figure stayed staring out of her second story window. She kept her arms crossed and was slowly fiddling with a quill, tapping it on her chin in a constant rhythm.
'What was that?'
She slowly lifted a sheet of parchment off the desk next to her and began to record her observations. A low light above the forest, the sudden howling of the Timber Wolves, a strange magical surge that shook her out of her blissful time.
"Twilight dear, you really need to come back...we're not finished yet."
Twilight didn't respond, she only pulled up a nearby chair and started to write out every observation and feeling that she could remember, completely ignoring the others' pleas to come back to bed.
"Hmph! And we were having such a grand time."
"She wasn't, it looked almost as if she was being tortured!"
"Oh hush now; I wasn't that bad was I?"
"Well um... Rarity...your styles are the best...but..."
"But what exactly dear?"
"..."
"What was that? You really do need to start speaking up dear."
"Er...nd..."
"Oh for Celestial's sake! She was trying to say that even though you're the best at this, you aren't exactly user friendly with this!"
"..."
"Well I never!"
“Besides, it looks like she's suffer’d enough fer’ one night."
"So are you volunteering to go next dear?"
"Oh…um…heh, heh"
*Tackle* *Shake*
EEP!
*Shove!*
"Hey what was that for?"
"Oh so it's Rainbow who volunteers to be next?"
"What NO! I won't..."
"Oh hush you really could use one, please? Just for a little bit?"
"I said no dammit! I like my mane just the way it is! Here take Applejack!"
"What?! Cons’arnet NO!"
"What do you mean no? You're the one who volunteered me, so I volunteer you! Ha ha!"
"YAY! It's a double makeover time! And you know what a double makeover needs?"
"Pinkie dear I really don't think it can classify as a..."
"A triple makeover! And you know what a triple makeover needs?"
"Pinkie dear, would you please calm dow..."
"CUPCAKES!!!"
"TAKE COVER!"
Whizz...SPLAT
"Oh my beautiful mane! WHYYY!?"
Whizz...POP
"Party Cannon!"
"Oh buck me..."
BOOM
Squeak!
"Ha ha you miss..."
SPLAT!
The sounds of the sugary struggle continued on in the background as a crouched figure slowly crawled, jumped, and 'eeped!' her way out of the line of fire.
All the while the lone girl stayed poised by the window, scribbling down notes of the most recent anomaly, completely oblivious to the chaos behind her.
"What could it be?"
{-----------------------}
Michael
I marched out of the sorry excuse of a command tent in a huff. Normally I wouldn’t get upset so easily, but these guys…
I leaned up against a tree and rubbed my face, feeling my skin stretch as I tried to work out the headache.
So that bastard just goes and leaves us here without even explaining what our first job would be…and kind of apology gift is a barrel of chocolate supposed to be? Furthermore why the hell do these things keep on saying that it was rain that came from cotton candy clouds? What in Sam Hill have these guys been high on?
I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried to calm down. Once again, I usually don’t frustrated that easily, but that was when I was talking to intelligent people who knew basic tactics and how to handle themselves as well as the men under their command. These guys, that I’m going to have to be dealing with, single handedly made my eye start twitching within the first few ‘rolls’ of information that they gave me about their world.
(----------------------------)
This had happened to me once before when I got a new captain under my command, and he was as incompetent as someone that I could pull off the street. The only reason he got the elevation in rank was because he came from an ‘upstanding’ family. We quickly put him in his place as he realized that no one would follow his ‘glorious’ orders because they would end up as cannon fodder. Overall between finding clever ways to demote him, and convincing him of the true responsibilities of a commanding officer…it was the most challenging part of our year. Eventually he relocated himself to the economics part of War Games and became one of our best CEO’s.
(-----------------------------)
“Sir?”
“…”
“SIR!”
Who…what!
My head shot up at the small jabs to my side. I quickly realized that I had been dosing off and just stopped myself short of bashing the poor dog’s head in.
‘You know when you’ve been pranked one too many times when you lash out at things in your sleep.'
I gazed into the frightened eyes of the do…pup. I made notice of the still glossy fur and the small stature as I looked around us. I turned back to the pup and scratched the back of my head sheepishly. Luckily no one had seen my minor outburst, but the little one was probably scared out of his mind.
‘Bad Michael…no scaring the children!’
I kneeled down in front of the poor guy as he backed away until he hit a tree. I tried to appear as calm and non-threatening as I could possibly be so as to not alarm the kid any more.
‘Hmm…a little joke would go nice he…got it!’
“Sorry ‘bout that mate, just some wake-ups in my time.”
The look in his eyes quickly changed from that of fear, to that of ‘You’re (place expletive here) crazy!'
‘Hah! Gotcha now ya’ little bugger, I’m not gonna have a bad impression with the young ‘uns just yet.’
I gave him a slight smile and received a tentative one in return; it wasn’t much, but it was progress.
“Now,” I continued as kindly as I could, “what were you coming to tell me kid?”
His face quickly transformed from a slight smile to a disgusted frown.
“I’m not a kid! I’m just short…” he grumbled before stomping away.
‘Ummm…that was awkward…’
Note to self: Learn Age to Size ratios as soon as possible.
Before he could disappear from my sight, I called out to him once more, but all I got was a grunt for a response and a small wrapped parcel thrown at my head. I caught it and quickly opened it up to reveal my worst nightmare, well…one of them.
I glanced around frantically before setting my eyes on a changeling who was sharpening a spear, occasionally testing the blade with his finger.
“Oi you! Where’s the kitchen?”
He looked up at the sound of my voice and noticed that, yes, I was talking to him. He looked flustered as he pointed down a small path to my right. I didn’t catch the first part of his response as I took off sprinting down the path, but I caught the tail end of it.
“…next meal’s not until sunrise, no exceptions!”
I knew thanks to my recent meeting that they were on a strict three-meal schedule, but I knew for a fact that that wasn’t going to stop one person from getting his snack.
{---------------------------}
Adrian
I slowly jogged away from the medium-sized tent that they called an ‘Armory’. I had a spear in one hand, a knife in my belt, and some leftover portebellos from my earlier incursion into the kitchen in the other. My actions hadn’t gone unnoticed, and I knew it wasn’t long before Michael caught up with me.
I had gone back to check on the cook and found that I hadn’t injured him too badly, but their animosity I could deal with. It was Michael’s nagging when it came to impressions and Code of Conduct that I feared. He’s one of the smartest guys I know, and now one of the most athletic bookworms I know because of my suggestions. I knew from experience that if I caused some unwanted trouble I would eventually have to pay for it.
So now I was off to go hunting for any game, and any familiar, edible, plants that I could find in order to repay the cook who was kind enough to allow me to snack on his store of food. He was even kind enough to point me in the direction of the last know position of any game animals.
(-----------------------)
I was quite a ways into the forest when I heard my first hints of life in the underbrush. I crouched low and unbuckled my knife before readying my spear. I peeked through the bushes in front of me and spotted a nice plump deer that was standing unsuspectingly in a small clearing.
‘This place really is loony, I mean, where else are you going to find such a storybook situation?’
I thought back to my childhood days when Michael used to come over and he would talk about stories that he read, as I explained the continuing cannibalistic traits of my chickens. In one story a situation like this had two outcomes, either it was as perfect a shot as I would ever get…
I turned to face the growling, fully expecting to see some sort of forest cat, but was stunned to see the face of a man staring at me. My gaze quickly traveled past the face and saw that there was nothing but shadow behind him, the face seemed to be suspended in midair by the darkness itself. His voice rang out in the silence around me, deep, but gentle.
"What are you doing in my forest strange one?"
I could feel that something large was nearby, a sense of overbearing pressure that made my knees lock, an ancestral instinct of danger, of a larger predator.
"I'm only hunting a bit kind sir, I didn't mean to dis...."
I paused as I looked straight into its eyes.
'Now that's feral…and it looks like…’
I recognized the face slowly, like a picture slowly floating to the surface of a pond. My nightmares and memories of my childhood were filled by its face. The shape that would chase me constantly, its laughter filling the air, only surpassed by the inhuman yowling. It ALWAYS TOOK MY FOOD!!!
I immediately began to review every small, even minutely, important detail that I had seen or heard since the start of the conversation, and a little before. The immediate silence of the forest around me, the pressure, its eyes, the inhuman growl, the darkness clinging to the disembodied face, slit-pupiled eyes, the slowly swaying shape just at the edge of my vision…swaying?
"Ну черт" I cursed as I slowly reached for my spear, noticing how some light source was making the polished spearhead reflect small spots of light.
"What did you say? I'm afraid I didn't catch that"
I gripped my spear tightly and slowly moved the point back and forth in front of its face. I could see its eyes following the light reflecting point with something akin to stupefied curiosity. The long bulbous shape of whatever the hell was trying to flank me matched the rhythm exactly, it was now that I could see the small point that protruded from the end of it. It was here that I finally realized what had decided to face me this day…damn Микаил and his damn childhood fascination with Greek mythology.
Quickly weighing my options, I chose the most ridiculous one, twirled my spear…and slammed the butt of it into the creature's head so hard it broke in half.
"DIE YOU PORTEBELLO STEALING SON OF A BITCH!!"
I couldn't help but run away as the giant lion-like body reared itself out of the shadows, right in front of me, as its human face shook itself.
I backpedaled as quickly as I could, slipping the now club-like remains of the spear into my belt. As I ran, I heard a sound similar to whistling and quickly dived to my left, a scorpion-like tail and barb embedding itself into the ground not a foot away from me. I kicked it as hard as could, using it as a point of leverage to launch myself further to the side, hearing a sickening cracking sound as I did so.
GRRAHHH!!
‘Yep…he mad..’
Smiling to myself from the sheer amount of adrenaline that was running wild through my system I continued to run, zigzagging through the forest and listening to the cracking and crunching sounds of the beast pursuing me. When the whistling sound returned, I quickly grabbed onto a branch sticking out the side of a tree and used it to swing myself behind it.
THUNK THINK CRACK!
"I didn't agree to this bullshit, all I wanted was food and enemies equal to me or lesser, not this shit!"
Glancing around the tree I watched as the beast sat several yards before the tree and waited for me to make my move.
"Who shall we go by in this battle Адриан?" I asked myself as I rummaged through my pack. I dug up a can of mace, a few firecrackers and a tazer…I grinned.
"To me death is better than the defensive. Ah well, Александр Суворов it is then."
Using my belt, I attached the mace to the firecrackers, before slipping it onto the remains of the spear. Then, steadying the makeshift chemical warfare missile in my right hand, I pulled my forgotten knife from its place in my jeans waistband. Saying a quick prayer, I gripped my knife by its blade and came out of my cover. Immediately, I was assaulted by several black spear-like objects that sailed past my head.
I took quick aim and threw the knife as hard as I could at the main body of the creature. I wasn’t hoping for a critical wound, but rather a slight distraction. It sailed end over end before embedding itself in the floating face of the creature. It let out a bloodcurdling roar as it lunged at me, mouth agape. I quickly pulled on the quick-start strip at the end of the fuse of the firecrackers and ducked as I threw it into the creature's mouth as it flew over my head. I dove to the ground and listened to the muffled pops followed by the horrible gagging and wet crunching sounds.
Approaching the creature, I watched as it thrashed around trying to spit the foreign object out. All it could manage was a bloody froth that seemed to come from behind the face…in fact, the face wasn’t moving at all…so where was the gagging coming from?
My question was quickly answered as the pale face locked eyes with me and roared, peeling itself from the body of the creature and flying at me, pitch black smoke billowing behind it. I didn’t hesitate, pulling the tazer from my waist and firing point blank into the eyes of the ghost-like being.
"FRY YOU VOLDEMORT IMPERSONATING PIECE OF SHIT!!"
I held the tazer's trigger down to keep up the current of electricity, frying the thing until it finally gave in and died, dissipating into a pale smoke.
I approached the beast that the monster had possessed. It had now returned to its original lion like form and was making pitiful gagging sounds as blood began to fill its lungs as well as spasming as the noxious chemicals of the mace spread through its bloodstream. It pained me to see such a magnificent creature in pain, a victim to the cruel life of a demon.
I sighed as I kneeled down next to it, slowly pulling my knife from its now resting position on the dirt, where it had fallen from the floating face. I aimed between its ribs and plunged the knife up to the hilt, hoping to the merciful lord that I had chosen the correct area. I knew that I was right as the beast slowly relaxed and gave a shuddering breath.
“In honor of your glorious life, and rebirth of purpose, as well as the happiness that your remains shall bring, I christen thee…Mr. Fluffles Jr. after my ferocious, seemingly immortal chicken who loved to kill and eat rats…”
I heard the snapping of twigs and rustling of the undergrowth, along with the familiar cursing of Микаил approaching through the bushes behind me.
I grinned, "Well finally, I was starting to think I had to carry this thing back there on my own."
{-----------------------}
Michael
Following my discovery of Adrian standing over the body of the largest lion I had ever seen, and his recounting of what had transpired, I couldn’t help but wonder what in the hell we had gotten ourselves into. The beast that he had killed, wouldn’t let me call it anything but Mr. Fluffles, was a manticore, albeit a simple one. Lion body, scorpion tail, and bat wings wasn’t much to see, the sheer size of it however was truly impressive.
Good thing he didn’t run into a Chimera…if they exist here…dammit Mike don’t jinx it!
(-----------------------------)
During the trip back, we managed to create a makeshift sled to drag the body along with out of tree bark and sap, the rope being substituted by vines. Along the way, Adrian decided to supplement his catch with several side trips.
(-------------------------------)
Looking towards the shaking bushes I saw the most terrifying thing that I have seen to date. (Adrian charging with a platoon of tanks not withstanding)
Through the many rustling bits of foliage I saw an orange and green colored monster erupt from the shadows. Adrian had discovered one of most potent substances that I have ever encountered.
"Hey man, I didn't know these came in white!"
I could see him sniffling and his eyes tearing as well as the insane smile that covered his face. I spoke softly so as to not upset him.
"Adrian put the Habanero bush down...please."
He squinted at me and slowly pulled the bush of ulcer inducing peppers closer to his chest, only to start tearing up even more; whether from the spice or from happiness I couldn't tell, and that made the situation even more terrifying.
"No..." he said in a short tone.
I slowly reached out towards the bush and made as if to take it, only to have him jump back out of reach.
"MINE!" he yelled before jumping onto the carcass of the manticore and planting the bush on its back like a flag.
I sighed and felt a shiver run down my back. There was no arguing with him over something like this, but I could at least try to keep him from killing half of our makeshift allies.
"Ok...ok," I said gently trying to calm him down before I became the target of one of the hottest peppers known to man.
He gave me a crazy smile and slowly climbed off of the carcass. I walked slowly to him to give him a hand in pulling the sled but he refused, keeping the rope hugged close to his body like a stubborn child refusing to give up his bottle.
I sighed for what seemed to be the hundredth time that day. I have never understood how Adrian could go from being someone who can tear you apart in a debate, to the mentality of a 5 year old when it came to food.
I could tell one thing for certain though, if I didn't want to go hungry tonight I would have to deal with one of the worst cases of stomach acid I have ever had in the morning, if not the middle of the night.
"Oh ho ho ho..." *rustle rustle*
'Oh god damn it all! What now?!'
I turned once again fully expecting to see that Adrian had disappeared once again. Instead I saw that almost all of the free space on the sled had been taken up by piles of berries, fruit, and other local plant-life that I would not like to mention.
"Adrian? Where did..."
"Hey mate, can we take a break? The colorful rainbow trees are hurting my eyes...nice horns by the way."
'Oh sweet mother of all that is holy!’
He started shaking as a peal of insane laughter left the gaping maw that was his mouth. Looking closer, I could see that his pupils had practically engulfed his eyes.
I shook my head slowly and started to rub my temples to attempt to alleviate some of the growing pressure.
This was going to be a long night...
[--------------------]
Adrian
"Woah!"
I suddenly found myself shakily gutting the manticore muttering nonsense under my breath. All I could recall was me foraging for berries and spices to add to the manticore.
I looked around and smiled as I bent over to the creature's head, looking around once more I grabbed one of the white habanero peppers I found and stuck it in my mouth as I licked the beast's head.
"Delicious" I said to myself as I got up to find Michael staring at me in shock…I smiled.
"Did I just see what I fucking think I saw?"
I chuckled and carried on with the cleaning of the carcass without further acknowledgement of his inquiry.
"Are you sure you don't want to stick around while I season dinner?" I said as I waved a milder green habanero in his face.
He immediately began to cough and tear up, "I think I have some maps to *cough* look over" he said, coughing as he went, “Make sure not to incapacitate everyone with the food…*cough*”
I shrugged and crushed the pepper I was holding to begin rubbing it into the meat of the creature, along with some herbs and a particular kind of mushroom which oddly was the last thing I sniffed before blacking out earlier. However, as soon as I rubbed the mushrooms on the spice soaked meat, green smoke began to spew from the meat as the fungi seemed to disintegrate.
‘Hmmm…seems like the shrooms don’t agree with the Habanero…what a waste’
"Great" I muttered as I tossed away the remainder of the mushrooms. Moving on, I began to rub in the makeshift stuffing that I had created (out of garlic, pepper, onion, mint, sage, and some rosemary) rubbing it on every last internal morsel of the meat. This continued as I progressed, preparing the feast.
When I was done I began asking around for volunteers, very unsuccessfully though, every creature I approached began running from me as if I had a tear gas cloud orbiting around me.
I shrugged and returned to the carcass to put in on a spit, and move it over to the bonfire that the natives had prepared.
"Well I'll get no help here," I said loudly enough for those around me to hear, "I guess I'll just go get Mikail…"